Being friends with an ex is a largely personal decision, and there are also varying levels of friendship.
A study in the Journal of the International Association of Relationship Research1 found that people usually want to stay friends with an ex-partner for four main reasons:
Security
Practicality
Civility
Unresolved romantic desires
The study found that people who remained friends with an ex for reasons of security and practicality were more likely to form a successful friendship.
Below are some of the pros and cons of continuing a friendship with your ex:
Should you be friends with an ex? Some say yes
Lisa Lawless is a clinical psychotherapist based in Bend, Ore., with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology, relationship therapy, and sexual health. She says exes can form a friendship if they are able to provide emotional support with healthy boundaries.
“Because they are familiar with you, an ex can offer insights and communicate with you in a way that enriches your life,” Lawless says. Shared friends and interests are another reason you might want to stay connected.
Lawless says these circumstances can make a successful transition from dating to friendship more likely:
Breakup was mutual
You were friends before you were involved romantically
You have both given yourselves time and space to heal and have closure
Emily Taffel-Cohen, a publicist from Pompano Beach, Fla., says staying friends with her ex has been a positive experience. After she and her partner dated for three years, they were able to transition into a friendship, which has lasted for 10 years.
“You have a level of intimacy that can make for a stronger friendship,” she says. “You also don’t lose all the personal jokes and shared memories like you usually do when breaking up.”
These people on Reddit shared their positive experiences of being friends with an ex:
Should you be friends with an ex? Others say no
Lawless says there are also cases where you shouldn’t try to remain friends with an ex — for instance when you know you’ll be bringing emotional baggage to the friendship.
“Lingering feelings, jealousy, or unresolved issues from your past romantic ties can make it challenging to maintain a healthy friendship and keep you from moving on and fully healing,” she says.
Plus, staying friends with an ex might put unnecessary strain on future romantic relationships and contribute to jealousy by a new partner or mixed feelings from you or your ex.
She says these are two signs you shouldn’t try to form a friendship:
Either of you has unresolved feelings
There was emotional or physical abuse or unhealthy dynamics such as manipulation or codependency
If your motive for staying friends with an ex is the hope that you’ll get back together in the future, you should reconsider being friends, says Robert Mack of Santa Monica, Calif., who served as a Celebrity Love Coach on shows like “Famously Single” on the E! Network and “Mind Your Business” on the OWN Network.
“It’s preventing both of you from getting out into the world and exploring other romantic relationships or other relationships of any kind,” Mack says.
Take Rina Patel, an artist from Issaquah, Wash., tried to stay friends with her ex but eventually realized it was too hard to relinquish her feelings.
“It was my idea to stay friends because I was just not ready to give him up completely, especially after sharing some of my most intimate experiences with him,” Patel says.
However, it did not work out when she realized she couldn’t watch him have a relationship with his new girlfriend. Read more about Patel’s story below.
These people on Reddit shared the reasons they couldn’t continue being friends with an ex:
Buzzfeed put together a video that shows the expectations vs. realities of dating an ex:
Why would an ex want to be friends?
Cutting the cord with someone you shared intimate and fun memories with is hard — and it’s part of why staying friends with an ex is so appealing.
Lawless says these are some reasons you might want to stay friends with an ex:
Shared history and emotional support
Interconnected social circles (friends and/or families)
Common interests
Shared children and pets
Business ventures
Shared hobbies
Unique compatibility
If there are kids involved in the relationship — whether you share a child with your ex or your ex was close with your children — becoming friends after your breakup or divorce might seem like the best way to create a stable and supportive environment.
However, being friends with an ex isn’t the only way to successfully co-parent. For instance, you can have an amicable co-parenting relationship but not necessarily maintain a friendship with your ex. You can also consider a parallel parenting plan if you and your ex can’t get along.
Dr. Masica Jordan, a licensed counseling psychologist based in Mitchellville, Md., says being friends with a co-parent can sometimes help you avoid unnecessary conflict and tension.
“It is important to note, however, that maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner in these situations should still involve setting clear boundaries and communicating openly,” Jordan says.
The first step is to evaluate whether or not you want to be friends, and to what extent. If you don’t want to be friends, do not feel pressured into maintaining a friendship.
If you are considering a friendship, Lawless recommends taking a period of time to grieve the loss of your romantic relationship.
“It is vital that you allow one another space and privacy to prevent lingering feelings or unresolved issues that may interfere with your new friendship,” she says.
Lawless also offers this advice for being friends with an ex:
Keep things platonic: Steer clear of behavior that confuses your friendship, such as reminiscing about your romantic connection, flirting, or discussing intimate details of a new partnership. Blurring the lines of friendship will only cause challenges in current romantic relationships for you both or, at the very least, keep you from moving forward.
Aim for clear communication: Be honest with one another about your feelings, intentions, and concerns to establish healthy boundaries and create trust in your friendship going forward.
Focus on mutual interests: Your friendship should be based on mutual interests rather than your past relationship. This focus will help you lay down a platonic foundation for your new friendship.
Be supportive of new partners: Be respectful of additional new boundaries if your ex starts dating someone new and be prepared that your friendship may end if the new partner does not support your friendship.
Decrease intimacy and sharing: Don't expect your ex to share as much with you as they did in the past.
Make sure you have proper closure: Avoid casting blame, guilt, and shame onto one another, and let go of any past resentments. Once you have processed those issues and forgiven one another, you can move forward to build a supportive friendship.
Seek professional support. If you’re struggling, talking to a therapist can help. Searching for therapy near me can connect you with a local specialist in relationship issues.
Lawless says it’s also important to constantly evaluate your friendship as dynamics change and new people come into your lives. Just because an ex can remain friends with you at one point in your life does not mean they will always be able to fill that role.
“You may find that you both drift apart and go down different paths based on your individual needs,” Lawless says.
She says you should keep checking in with yourself — and your ex — to determine if this friendship is the right choice for you.
If you determine that being friends with an ex is not a good idea, she offers this advice to help you move on:
Stay away from your ex's social media
Avoid isolating yourself, which can lead to loneliness and depression
Engage in things that make you happy with friends and family who love you
Avoid focusing on your past and replaying it in your mind
“Remember, the present is a gift, and you don't want to miss it by spending time living in thoughts that may elicit feelings of regret, sadness, and resentment,” Lawless says.
Why one woman decided to make a clean break from her ex
Rinal Patel, 38, broke things off with her ex of two years due to long distance.
“I never stopped loving him, but there was no point dragging out the process since the distance between us would eventually cause us to break up,” Patel says.
She at first suggested they stay friends because she wasn’t ready to give up on their relationship.
“There was no way I could ever simply just walk past him in the street without saying anything to him, and I knew I couldn’t bear him ignoring me completely,” she says.
For the first two weeks, Patel and her ex constantly talked, as if they were still together. But, slowly, he began distancing himself.
A few years later, she and her ex spent some time together when she was back in town, and she realized she still had feelings for him. Once her ex had a new girlfriend, Patel realized she could no longer continue with a friendship.
“It became increasingly difficult to watch him look at [his girlfriend] in the same way he used to look at me,” Patel says.
She saw no point in staying close, when she still had feelings for him that he wasn’t reciprocating.
“As an optimist, I believe in seeing the best in every situation,” Patel says. “Though I will strongly advise against being friends with an ex, I will advise those who try to set boundaries.”
Being friends with an ex FAQs
Thinking about dating an ex? Experts answer your most asked questions:
Is it a red flag to be friends with an ex?
Not necessarily, Lawless says. “In fact, it can be a sign of high emotional intelligence, depending on the dynamics.”
However, if there are unresolved feelings, poor boundaries, jealousy, toxicity, or ulterior motives in a friendship with an ex, that is a red flag.
This is what people on Reddit had to say:
Should I call my ex?
If you’re thinking about calling your ex, Lawless says you should ask yourself if it will cause a conflict of interest for you in your life.
“Determining if it will inhibit your personal growth, cause problems with a new partner, or foster an unhealthy dynamic where there is jealousy or the friendship is one-sided is essential,” she says.
How do I respond when my ex blocked me on everything?
It’s hurtful to have someone you once loved block you from communication, and unfortunately, there’s not much you can do.
“If someone’s blocked you, that’s as good an indication as any that they don’t want to talk with you,” Mack says.
If that happens, the best thing you can do is to honor their boundaries and try to move on.
Is it hard getting over an ex?
Yes, it can be hard to get over an ex. Having an emotional attachment to a partner, especially if it is long-term or intense, can be challenging to let go, Lawless says.
“Breakups impact our routines, making us feel lost even doing small things in our daily life,” she says. Plus, it is quite common to reflect on a relationship with rose-colored glasses — remembering only the good times and glossing over the difficulties — which can make it difficult to move on and cause people to hope for reconciliation.
Lawless says when someone breaks up with us, it can heavily weigh on our sense of self-worth and make it difficult to feel we can move on or be of interest to someone new. It can be just as challenging when we break up with someone, since we may feel guilt and sadness for our ex-partner and miss aspects of the relationship.
Lawless says shared social circles affected by the breakup can compound those feelings of loss and loneliness.
Staying friends with an ex is a personal decision that will depend on your circumstances, as well as emotional maturity.
Lawless says you may be able to stay friends with an ex if your breakup was mutual, you were friends before you dated, and you have both had time and space to move on from the relationship.
People on Reddit claim these things need to be true for a successful transition into friendship:
You are both completely “over” the relationship (i.e. neither of you is hoping to get back together)
You are able to respect and maintain boundaries with your ex/not continue treating them like a partner
You can handle your ex dating someone else/respect the new relationship
SOURCES
“Staying friends with ex-romantic partners: Predictors, reasons, and outcomes,” June 30, 2017. Journal of the International Association of Relationship Research. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12197
Is being friends with an ex a good idea?
Being friends with an ex is a largely personal decision, and there are also varying levels of friendship.
Why would an ex want to be friends?
Cutting the cord with someone you shared intimate and fun memories with is hard — and it’s part of why staying friends with an ex is so appealing.
When can you stay friends with an ex?
Staying friends with an ex is a personal decision that will depend on your circumstances, as well as emotional maturity.
With its core mission to put women in control of their online dating experience, Bumble has become one of the most popular dating apps — boasting 100 million users across six continents.
Until recently, only women were allowed to message first on Bumble. However, in an effort to be more inclusive, the app now allows anyone in a same-gender match to message first, as well as non-binary people who match with other non-binary people and men.
Bumble is one of my favorite dating apps out there — it's user-friendly and has great prompts to help you show off your personality. However, I’ll be the first to admit the app could use some improvements.
These are some things I don't love about Bumble:
It’s not mandatory to fill out the prompts (I've seen plenty of profiles with just photos).
24-hour window to message others is sometimes not enough. There have been many times I've matched with someone and completely forgot to message in time.
Still, I’ve had many positive experiences with men on Bumble. They’ve for the most part have been open and transparent on what they’re looking for.
Bumble has a free version, 1week membership trial, and a quick and easy sign up process. Try Bumble now for free >>
Yes — Bumble is a legit publicly traded company founded in 2014 in Austin, Texas, by Tinder co-founder Whitney Wolfe Herd.
In 2019, the holding company for Bumble and its sister site Badoo was acquired by investment firm Blackstone for $3 billion.
How Bumble works
Bumble has three different modes:
Bumble (for dating)
Bumble BFF (for friendships)
Bumble Bizz (for professional connections)
Each of these modes is accessible within the same app, and you can easily switch back and forth between them.
Here's how each of these modes of Bumble work:
How Bumble for dating works
Bumble is, first and foremost, a dating app, initially built with women in mind — though, as I've said, it's taken steps to be more inclusive.
The Bumble app can be downloaded from both the Apple Store and on Google Play, or you can visit Bumble.com from a web browser.
Once you download the app, you’ll sync your profile in one of these ways:
With your Facebook account
Phone number
Apple ID
This verification helps to solidify that you are actually you — and that the people you swipe across are legit humans, instead of a bot.
Here’s how the process for setting up a profile works:
Provide your name and an initial photo. You can add up to five more photos to your profile, but Bumble allows you to complete this step later if you prefer.
Add your birthday. It’s important to note that, if you didn’t sync your profile to your Facebook account, you can, theoretically, choose any age you prefer.
Confirm your identity. Bumble now features 75 different gender options — including male, female, and nonbinary — and you also have the option to submit a new gender if you can't find one that fits.
Pick matching preferences. You’ll be asked to select which genders you're open to dating. If you identify as a woman, you'll always be allowed to message first. Nonbinary individuals can message first in all cases except when they match with a woman.
Provide your email address for account recovery.
If you hold the power to message first, you only have 24 hours to do so, or the match will expire entirely.
Once you’re in the app, matches appear immediately. You can filter matches by these specifications, but you can only choose two criteria at a time in the free version, in addition to age and distance:
Height
Excercise
Star sign
Education level
Drinking
Smoking
Looking for
Kids
Religion
Politics
You can also limit your matches to “verified” profiles only. This means, according to the app, that someone who works at Bumble has verified that the person is who they say they are via a photo taken in real time. You can do this, too.
The last step before you start swiping? Setting up your profile.
Bumble allows users to add up to six photos of themselves (with the option of verifying their profile via a photo) as well as a short bio, interests, work and education, and various convo-starting prompts (i.e. what a perfect first date might look like, or what you might do in a zombie apocalypse).
Note that Bumble works for guys the same way it works for women, except that only women can initiate a chat.
This means that both a man and a woman can “swipe right” on each other, but if the woman doesn’t message within 24 hours after the mutual connection is made, the match won’t go anywhere.
How Bumble BFF works
Bumble BFF uses the same framework as its dating counterpart, except that matches are looking strictly for friendship.
You do not have to download a separate app to use Bumble BFF, just switch modes in the app settings. (You’ll know you’re in Bumble BFF when the app switches over to a green color scheme).
Until recently, only same-sex matches could be made on Bumble BFF. However, users now have the option to choose whether they’re open to female, male, and/or non-binary friends. Still, men and non-binary individuals cannot message women first on Bumble BFF.
How Bumble Bizz works
As its name suggests, Bumble Bizz is designed for making professional business connections.
You can write a headline to describe yourself/what you’re hoping to accomplish on the app, include a short education and work history, and choose industries of interest to make connections.
How much does Bumble cost?
Although Bumble is free to download and use, you can pay extra for a premium membership, which allows you to add an unlimited number of filters to your match search. You can also:
See everyone who swiped right on you with Beeline
Rematch with expired matches
Extend your matches by 24 hours
Undo accidental left swipes
Get unlimited swipes
Put yourself in the Spotlight so more people see your profile
Use five SuperSwipes per week (which shows someone you're extra interested)
Boost and Premium membership costs as of September 2025, which includes all versions of Bumble (dating, BFF, and Bizz):
Premium:
1 week – $29.99
1 month – $59.99
3 months – $119.99
Lifetime – $119.99
Premium+:
1 week – $39.99
1 month – $79.99
3 months – $159.99
You can also highlight your profile to make it stand out with Bumble Spotlights and Superswipes:
Spotlights:
1 for $11.99
5 for $5 each
15 for $3.34 each
30 for $2.50 each
Superswipes:
2 for $5 each
5 for $4 each
15 for $2.67 each
30 for $2 each
Pros and cons of Bumble
Should you download Bumble? Here’s a rundown of some of the major pros and cons associated with the app, including feedback from experts we interviewed:
Pros of Bumble
For heterosexual matches, the control is in a woman’s hand, eliminating an inundation of (potentially) unwanted messages.
You have the option of matching with only verified profiles (and verifying your own profile), leading to more authentic matches.
You can customize your profile with fun, unique prompts and sync your Spotify and/or Instagram for a more personal touch (and potentially stronger matches).
You don’t technically have to verify your profile, opening up your swiping journey to potentially fake matches.
Although this can be framed as a positive, the onus is on women to make the first move on the app, which can feel overwhelming or one-sided if you’re not prepared to put in the work. “The biggest con with Bumble is that many men who understand how Bumble works just swipe right on every woman and don't bother reading their profiles until you send them a message,” says Eric Resnick, a dating coach and founder of ProfileHelper.com. “As a result, there's no dating app with a higher rejection rate for women daters than Bumble.”
Matches expire within 24 hours if you don’t message the person.
Nonbinary individuals cannot make the first move in a match with women, which has disgruntled members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Are there any Bumble dangers?
There are always dangers when it comes to online dating, but Bumble takes steps to ensure the safety of its users.
When you join Bumble, you can opt to submit a selfie photo following a specific direction so Bumble can verify that you’re a real person (and that you are who you say you are). You can filter out matches to only see other verified profiles.
Bumble also has a block and report feature for members to use as needed.
While one of the most common Bumble complaints is that men cannot message first in matches with females, this is another step Bumble takes to protect its female users.
Despite having a trove of users, Bumble has closed more than 605 complaints on the Better Business Bureau’s website, with the vast majority of grievances related to billing issues. The BBB gives Bumble an F rating.
Bumble’s Trustpilot rating
Bumble only has 1.3 out of 5 stars on Trustpilot. Most complaints accuse Bumble of having too many fake profiles and say the app is too quick to block paying members when another member reports them.
While most reviews are negative, there are a few random five-star reviews of people who say they met their current partner through Bumble.
These are some other popular dating apps and how they stack up against Bumble:
Bumble vs. Tinder
Bumble and Tinder were actually founded by the same millennial female entrepreneur, Whitney Wolfe. They are both among the most popular dating apps, have great tech, are mobile-friendly and are great for meeting new people.
Is it better to be on Bumble or Tinder? Which is better? And what's the difference?
From my experience, Bumble is a lot better than Tinder. Not only do I have several friends who’ve met their SOs on this app, but I also find the quality of men on this app to be better.
When I used Tinder, it sometimes felt like I was playing “How many likes can I get in a day.” I was left with lots of likes but no conversations.
On Bumble, (as much as I wish the window to make the first move is longer), I like that it weeds like all the guys who were just liking to like. I will admit, the 24-hour window is helpful when you do go on a liking spree and realize later that you’re not interested in a profile.
Another reason why I think Bumble is better than Tinder is its straightforwardness both with the actual app and the people. The app’s interface is clean and user-friendly — using it feels very second nature. I also like that there are prompts to help users fill out their profiles.
Tinder’s interface over the years has gotten clunky. There’s just too much going on and there have been many instances where I’ve Super Liked someone too many times.
Tinder doesn't have prompts; you can just list a bunch of interests and your Spotify profile, but that doesn’t do much for me.
Bumble, similar to Tinder and Hinge, is exclusively a swiping app. Its dating algorithm is largely based on your Facebook profile, which you are asked to connect upon signup (though you can also use your Apple ID or phone number). Bumble is for all types of relationships — serious, casual, and hookups.
eharmony, on the other hand, is a site devoted exclusively to serious, committed partnerships. When you join eharmony, you’ll answer an extensive questionnaire — about 150 questions — about yourself and your desired match, which takes about 20 minutes to complete. eharmony then shows you matches based on an extensive algorithm.
One piece of advice: Each dating site attracts different types of people in different geographic areas, so ask your single friends which sites they like best in your city.
Also, eharmony’s free version is a good way to check it out without commitment — even if romantic commitment is your ultimate goal.
Hinge is one of my favorite dating apps, and for good reason — it’s actually where I met my current partner.
Like eharmony, Hinge is more geared toward serious relationships than Bumble, which is for all kinds of daters, including those just looking for a hookup.
Both apps have extensive free versions that allow you to message other users without paying for a subscription. They both also use creative prompts to help daters form a connection.
Although Bumble doesn’t publicly say how many free swipes you get, on my profile, I moved through 105 swipes before the app informed me I needed to upgrade to a premium membership before I could acquire more.
What age is Bumble good for?
Although women of any age can use Bumble, certified dating coach Melissa M. Snow believes that the app is positioned perfectly for women who are looking for something serious, including daters over 40. (Also, check out our post on meeting singles over 40 in person.)
Going against popular user opinion, Snow loves the 24-hour limit on returned messaging because it weeds out the guys who only check their dating apps on Friday nights when they want to hook up.
“I find that many of my clients who are women, especially successful, emotionally intelligent, mature women, like Bumble better than the other dating apps,” Snow explains. “It was created with the intention of leveling the playing field and empowering women.”
As noted earlier, although the option exists to verify your profile, you don’t technically have to provide your true identity while using the app. When I created a fake profile for this article to better understand the swiping process, I was able to build a profile without my real photo or age.
Fake profiles are one of the top complaints for Bumble across popular review sites like Trustpilot and the BBB.
Should I use my real name on Bumble?
If you want to foster legitimate connections, both the experts we interviewed say that using your real first name (minus your last name, of course) is key.
How successful is Bumble for dating?
While there is no published data to show Bumble’s success rate, it continues to be one of the most popular dating apps, with 100 million users.
However, numerous reviews in recent years show users are increasingly frustrated with the app’s overabundance of fake profiles and restrictive messaging policies. Bumble has low ratings from the Better Business Bureau (F) and Trustpilot (1.3/5 stars).
Many users also complain about being banned from the site for seemingly no reason, (Oddly enough, Hinge reviews often have the same complaint).
Bottom line: Is Bumble worth it?
If you’re looking to date or meet friends in your area, Bumble is worth trying out.
Even though women hold the power on Bumble, Bumble is worth it for guys who are tired of making the first move and being ignored or rejected.
Although you may not be able to message with as many women as you would on an app like Tinder, the women who actually connect with you may be more likely to want to engage and eventually meet in person.
Founded in 2014 in Austin, Texas by Whitney Wolfe, Tinder founder, who at the time was 26 years old. Bumble is backed by entrepreneur Andrey Andreev, and Bumble is today valued at $8 billion.
How much does Bumble cost?
Although Bumble is free to download and use, you can add two additional filters to your match search (besides distance and age) before you have to pay extra for a premium membership, which starts at $29.99 for one week.
How many free swipes do you get on Bumble?
Although Bumble doesn’t publicly say how many free swipes you get, on my profile, I moved through 105 swipes before the app informed me that I needed to upgrade to a premium membership before I could acquire more.
Is the Bumble dating app any good?
Despite having a trove of users, Bumble has closed 509 complaints on the Better Business Bureau’s website, with the vast majority of grievances related to billing issues. The BBB gives Bumble an F rating.
Is Bumble worth it?
If you’re looking to date or meet friends in your area, Bumble is worth trying out, but it’s not the best dating app for serious relationships in our opinion.
Customers who choose to sell through ThredUp can mail in their clothing for cash, and buyers can purchase used clothing for bargain basement prices.
The discounts you’ll find depend on the item you’re buying, the brand, and even the season, but you can count on scoring at least 50% off retail — and usually a lot more.
But, is online consignment as convenient and affordable as the in-person version? Depends on who you ask.
While buyers tend to have a positive experience with ThredUp, many sellers who have mailed clothing into ThredUp report they received “pennies on the dollar” for their contributions. Based on my own experience selling on ThredUp, I can confirm this is 100% true.
In this ThredUp review, I'll talk about how the service works, what it costs, and my experience selling on ThredUp:
ThredUp is an online consignment and thrift store focused on sustainable fashion. There are a number of clothing items and accessories you can sell on ThredUp — like shoes, handbags, and specialty size fashion (including plus sizes and maternity).
Check out this video from ThredUp about how they combat clothing waste:
Is ThredUp legitimate?
ThredUp is a legitimate online consignment store with a B rating from the Better Business Bureau (accredited since 2013) and 1.7 million active buyers. The company made $288.4 million in revenue in 2022.
My experience selling on ThredUP
When I tried to sell to ThredUp, I was given the option of requesting an emailed label (free) or mailed bag ($2.99). I ordered a mailed bag on Jul 10, 2022, which never arrived. After several weeks of checking on the status of my mailed bag — which they claimed had arrived — I decided instead to just request an emailed label.
I packaged up about eight different clothing items I had barely worn in two separate packages and dropped them off at a local shipping depot with the label attached to the front.
I received an email several weeks after I sent my package that my items wouldn't be processed until Jan 12, 2023.
This date was pushed back multiple times, until I finally received two emails on March 29, 2023, one for each of my shipped bags.
One let me know that three items had been approved for sale:
The other let me know that none of the items in that bag were approved for sale:
ThredUp photographed my approved items on mannequins against a white backdrop before listing them for sale.
Two of the three items have since sold, for which I was credited $6 and $3.26.
While I don't remember the original cost of these items, dresses similar to the Lane Bryant dress I was paid $6 for currently retail for $89 or more on Lane Bryant's website.
For each of my three listings, I was given the option to edit my asking price, which increased or decreased the amount I'd be paid in commission. ThredUp listed my unsold item for $15.99, which would result in a $1.92 payout to me.
I received an email on Apr 23 that this item would be donated in 7 days if it didn't sell or if I didn't opt to have it shipped back to my home for $10.99.
The $9.26 I earned from the two sold items is currently sitting in limbo, with ThredUp noting that I can't receive the funds until the 14-day return period ends:
ThredUp selling reviews
ThredUp selling reviews on BBB
thredUP has a B rating from the Better Business Bureau, though just 1.11/5 stars. Common complaints include failure to accept or return items sent in for sale, fake name brand items, and poor customer service.
ThredUp selling reviews on Reddit
ThredUp reviews on Reddit are overwhelmingly negative, with many calling the site a scam:
TrustPilot reviews for ThredUp average 1.7/5 based on more than 2,700 reviews.
Selling on ThredUp: How it works
For sellers, the process works a lot like a local consignment store resale process. The big difference is, you’ll mail in your clothing instead of bringing it to the store yourself.
ThredUP claims to accept all brands, as long as the item has a size tag.
To get started with ThredUp:
Go to thredup.com and click the “Clean Out” at the top of the homepage.
Enter your info to request a Clean Out Kit ($2.99) or print a shipping label (free). ThredUp now charges $14.99 for a standard 6+ week processing time, and $22.99 for 2-week expedited processing. ThredUp notes that only about 50% of items sent in will be listed for sale, so they ask whether you'd like ThredUp to reuse/recycle items that can't be sold or return them to you, which costs $10.99.
If you've ordered a Clean Up Kit, wait for it to arrive, fill it up, and send it in. If you requested a free shipping label, print it off, package your items, and attach your shipping label to the front. ThredUp items can be mailed via FedEx or USPS. Kits cannot weigh more than 30 pounds, and boxes should not exceed 27 inches in length, 17 inches in width, or 17 inches in height.
Once your items are received, ThredUp evaluates them, then photographs items it will post and sell. The rest are donated or sent back to you if you paid $10.99 to have them returned.
Before your items sell, you can change their listing price, which in turn will increase or decrease the amount you receive in commission. ThredUp sets the percentage you receive, which ranges from 3% to 80% depending on the sale price of your item.
If one of your items sells, there is a waiting period of 14 days after the customer receives it that they can return it. You will be paid on the 15th day if they don't.
After this waiting period, you'll be emailed a verification code to complete a cash-out request. After you enter the code, your earnings will be deposited to your PayPal account, minus a $0.25 transfer fee. You can cash out up to $1,000 at a time. You can also choose to use the funds in your account to buy items on ThredUp.
My big advice about this process — keep your expectations low, and expect the worst.
What sells well on thredUP?
What you use ThredUp consignment for:
Clothing, especially those that are name brand and in excellent condition, in popular styles
ThredUp pays 3% to 80% of the anticipated selling price (the more valuable the item, the higher your percentage):
You get paid for each sold item once the 14-day return window has passed via Paypal. You can also use the funds to purchase items on ThredUp.
What does ThredUP do with clothes that don’t sell?
Another big problem for sellers is the fact that you don’t automatically have items returned to you if ThredUP doesn’t accept them. If you want to ensure you get all your items back, you have to pay $10.99 for “return assurance coverage.”
Without this coverage, ThredUP keeps the clothing they don’t plan to use, citing that it’s too expensive to mail it back to you.
In other words, you could find yourself in a situation where you sent in a bag of clothing only to get nothing in return.
ThredUp says they donate or recycle the clothing, but there’s no way to know for sure.
But, there are other problems with this setup. Imagine you have an expensive, brand-name dress you would be happy to sell as long as you got at least $30 or $40. If you couldn’t get that much money for it, you would rather just keep it.
With ThredUp, you would have to mail it in blindly knowing you may not get a penny for it and you will never get it back. You could pay $10.99 for return assurance, but then you lose money you could have made on your sale.
While ThredUp has many negative reviews from unsatisfied sellers, the buying side seems to produce slightly better results.
Even people who complain about getting ripped off on the sales side admit that there are deals to be had when you purchase barely-worn brand name clothing through the website.
Create an account, or log in via social media, then browse clothing by brand or by size until you find the items you want.
The website accepts credit cards for payment, and shipping costs vary but start at $5.99.
At the end of the day, shopping and buying through the website is easy. They also offer frequent discounts for new customers for up to 30% off.
Most of ThredUp’s positive reviews come from buyers who received high-quality clothing for prices they found reasonable, though there are plenty of negative buyer reviews:
If you’re hoping to make the most of ThredUP, reviews seem to suggest you’ll do a lot better buying second-hand clothes than you will trying to make money off your own.
When it comes to your own clothing, you may be better off selling individual pieces through an online resale site or your neighborhood Facebook group.
Hell, you could even have an old-fashioned garage sale and sell your clothing along with other household items.
On the buying side, however, there are some great deals to be had –— especially if you know the type of clothing you’re interested in and what fits you best.
Recently, I bought several dresses off of ThredUP that were made by a great clothing brand I love, Soma.
While Soma mostly focuses on underwear and pajamas, they also make beautiful, comfortable dresses that fit nearly any body type.
Some of their dresses even have pockets! The dresses I bought on ThredUP were a steal compared to in-store pricing. I know for a fact I have paid over $90 for their long dresses and over $80 for their shorter styles in Soma stores.
When the dresses arrived in the mail, they were truly in “perfect” second-hand condition. They had all been freshly laundered, and they were exactly what I wanted.
With that in mind, it’s my personal opinion that ThredUP is best for buyers who want to score a deal on used clothing and know what they want.
The website may also be perfect for people who purchase children’s clothing and prefer to buy second-hand. Why? Because most kids look good in anything their size, and they may not be as picky about brands or style.
If you want to get rid of your unwanted clothing, on the other hand, you may want to consider donating it to a shelter, the Salvation Army, or to someone who can use it.
If you mail it into ThredUP, there’s no guarantee you’ll get the money you want for your items and you won’t get them back unless you pay an extra $10.99.
A buyer who knows which brands fit them and which brands are worth the money
Anyone who wants brand name clothing without the new price tag
People who don’t mind buying second-hand
Who should skip ThredUP:
Sellers who want to get a lot of money in exchange for their used clothing
People who don’t focus on specific clothing brands
Anyone who doesn’t like buying used
Is selling on ThredUp worth it? Is ThredUP good? Our experience:
While in theory, ThredUp should be an easier way to consign your clothes, the amount of money you make for the amount of work — and waiting — you do to sell on ThredUp is absolutely not worth it, in my opinion.
Nearly a year has passed since I first requested a Clean Out Kit, and when all is said and done, I'll only have $9.26 to show for it.
Plus, the main benefit of selling to ThredUp is supposed to be that you don’t have to transport your unwanted clothes to a store. However, I still had to package and transport my clothes to the shipping depot, which ended up being more work than if I had just carried a bag of clothes into a consignment store.
Also, I recently went through the process to try to request another Clean Out Kit just to see if anything had changed about the process, and they now charge $14.99 for processing — $22.99 if you want 2-week rush processing.
In my case, I would have paid ThredUp more to process my shipment than I would have made from selling all of the items they deemed worthy of sale, which will equate to $11.18 if my last item sells.
Personally, I prefer to just donate my old clothes in bulk to a pickup service like Vietnam Veterans of America, or drop them into a clothes donation bin outside of my local grocery store.
ThredUP alternatives
If you like the idea of saving big money on second-hand clothing from the better brands, then an online consignment shop like ThredUP, Poshmark, or Mercari may be exactly what you’re looking for.
You can also check out our list of sites like Craigslist for other selling sites and apps. You can always do a clothes swap with your friends, hold a garage sale, or donate your lovely clothes to someone who wants or needs them. Finally, read our post on what to do with your old clothes.
On the selling side, definitely consider all your options before you move forward with any option. Your dream of a big payday could be dashed quickly if recent reviews are any indication, and there’s absolutely nothing you could do about it.
Is ThredUp legitimate?
ThredUp is a legitimate online consignment store with a B rating from the Better Business Bureau (accredited since 2013) and 1.7 million active buyers. The company made $288.4 million in revenue in 2022.
What sells well on ThredUP?
Handbags and clothing, especially those that are name brand and in excellent condition, in popular styles.
How much does ThredUp pay?
ThredUp pays 3% to 80% of the anticipated selling price.
Looking to make some extra money? Selling furniture that you no longer use can be a great way to do it.
How much should you ask for used furniture? What’s a fair price?
Depending on your furniture’s brand, condition, and where you’re selling it, you might earn back anywhere from 20% to 80% of the original selling price. If you have the original receipt of the item, that’s a helpful way to understand what the piece was originally worth.
You may be able to up your asking price for furniture items that are a well-known brand, only a few years old, or in excellent condition. However, pieces made from low-quality materials or that are no longer in good condition (stains, bumps, markings, scratches, rips, etc) will not command as high of a price.
Depending on where you’re selling the furniture, you may need to be open to negotiating your payout.
Tips to earn the most cash for your furniture
Get the highest price possible for your items with these tips on the best way to sell furniture:
Understand the condition and value of your furniture. While most used furniture is worth significantly less than its original purchase price, vintage and designer pieces in good condition may fetch more money and could be worth selling on a platform that requires shipping, like Instagram.
Take good photos. If possible, place the furniture in a clutter-free space with good lighting. Use your smartphone to shoot from several different angles, showing any obvious defects. Edit the photos as needed to improve the color and lighting (but don’t erase blemishes or marks on the furniture — you want to be honest).
Consider how quickly you need to sell. Places like a consignment shop can take weeks or months to make a sale. If you need quick cash, you may be better off listing on Facebook Marketplace or another selling app.
Price fairly. Most people who buy used furniture are looking for a deal — and they won’t pay premium prices for something that’s not in good condition. Think about how much you would pay for a similar piece of furniture in its current condition, and use that thought process to guide your pricing.
Furniture bill of sale. When selling furniture, especially valuable or high-end pieces, providing a detailed furniture bill of sale can offer protection for both you and the buyer. The bill should include the item description, condition, and agreed price. This helps avoid disputes later and provides the buyer with proof of ownership.
Where to sell used furniture locally
If you prefer to avoid shipping fees and just sell your used furniture locally, these are some ways to do it:
Facebook Marketplace
If you have a Facebook profile, you can access Facebook Marketplace from your Facebook feed. To post an item, you’ll need to upload photos and add a title, a price, description, and item category. Other users message you to make offers on your furniture.
Shipping vs. pickup: Most items sold on Facebook Marketplace (particularly heavy items like furniture) are intended for local pickup, not shipping.
Fees: While you won’t be charged a listing fee, Facebook does deduct a selling fee of 5% per shipment, or a flat fee of $0.40 for shipments of $8 or less.
What else to know: You’ll need to have a Facebook profile to create a listing. Scams are also very common on Facebook Marketplace.
BBB rating: F
App rating: 3.2/5 stars on Android, 2.3 stars on iOS
Number of users: 5+ billion downloads on Android, 1.5 million ratings on iOS
Craigslist
Craigslist is an online classifieds site and app (Android and iOS available) that allows local sellers to list used furniture for sale by location.
Shipping vs. pickup: Craigslist buyers pick up purchased items, so there are no shipping fees involved.
Fees: Outside of by-dealer posts, furniture listings on Craigslist are free to post. You coordinate with the buyer how you want to be paid — cash, PayPal, and Venmo are popular options.
What else to know: For safety, only communicate using your Craigslist proxy email — which is automatically generated when you create a listing — and make sure you are meeting up in a safe area, preferably somewhere in public away from your home.
BBB rating: F
App rating: 4.6/5 stars on Android, 4.8/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: 5+ million users on Android, 323,000 ratings on iOS
A consignment store or shop accepts unwanted items — including used furniture — and resells them on your behalf. You’ll receive a percentage of the sale when someone purchases your furniture.
Some consignment shops might offer to pick up heavy items like furniture. Others may require you to bring in the furniture yourself. If you’re looking to make quick cash, consignment shops probably aren’t the best route — it can take some time to make a sale.
Search for “consignment shops near me.”
Antique stores
Antique stores commonly accept items, such as furniture, from private sellers. The owner or appraiser can give you more details on what types of items they’re currently looking for and how the selling process works.
Depending on the store, you might need to deliver the item yourself, or you may be able to have it picked up. Antique stores often work the same as consignment stores, where you receive a percentage of the sale once your furniture sells.
You may want to have your furniture appraised before contacting antique stores so you have a better idea of what each piece is really worth.
Local Facebook groups
Facebook Marketplace isn’t the only option for selling furniture on Facebook. You can also use your personal Facebook profile or sell through local Facebook groups. Use the Facebook search bar to find a selling group specifically for your town, community, or neighborhood.
Make sure to check the rules of a Facebook group before posting an item for sale. Not all Facebook groups allow for-sale posts.
Likewise, if you just want to get rid of used furniture you no longer want, you can also offer it for free on a Buy Nothing Facebook group.
Garage sale
A garage sale or yard sale can be a great way to quickly sell used furniture for cash. Some neighborhoods host community-wide garage sales on certain weekends in the spring or summer. Otherwise, you can set up a yard sale yourself. Consider putting up signs on the roads around your home or creating an event on Facebook.
For valuable or antique furniture items, be mindful of the weather, and don’t leave the pieces outside alone. It’s also a good idea to make sure you have change on hand.
Local newspaper
Yes, some newspapers still sell classified ads where you can sell your old furniture. Call your local paper to learn what they charge for ads, then send the editor whatever information they need to publish your ad.
sell
Flea market
A flea market is an open-air market that sells secondhand items, including furniture. Most flea markets ask you to rent a booth ahead of time to sell your items.
In some cases, you might have to apply and be approved. It all depends on the market where you choose to sell. Some flea market patrons will expect to haggle on your prices.
On the show “Flea Market Flip,” people purchase low-cost furniture pieces from flea markets and rehab or “flip” them to sell for a profit:
Estate sale
An estate sale is a good fit for you if you’re selling a significant number of furniture pieces and household items (perhaps after the death of a loved one or after a divorce). Organize and inventory the items you plan to sell. Choose a date and advertise your sale using signs and social media event pages.
Find a furniture buyer near you
Some used furniture stores might offer to buy items from you to sell. Search for “furniture buyers near me.”
If you can't find a buyer for your furniture, consider donating it.
These sites and apps for selling make it easy to sell used furniture.
One some of these sites, you may also be able to find free furniture to replace your existing pieces:
AptDeco
List your furniture on ApDeco (no app available) by adding photos and details. The site will improve your listing for you and create curated shops for faster selling. After a purchase, you’ll receive payment in 2-3 business days.
Shipping vs. pickup: Coordinate pickup yourself, or opt in to local AptDeco delivery for a fee (available within designated service zones). Buyers typically cover shipping fees.
Fees: Listing is free. However, AptDeco keeps up to 48% of the earnings of a sale. Payouts are done via direct deposit to your debit card or bank account using Stripe.
What else to know: Items in a set cannot be listed (except for dining table + chair sets and identical items). You’ll need to create individual listings for your items.
BBB rating: F
Number of users: More than 400,000 active customers
Bonanza
You can sign up for free on Bonanza.com’s “start selling” page (no app available), and create a booth or webstore — a booth is housed within Bonanza’s site, while a webstore is a completely separate website where you control your unique brand. You will first need a booth to open a webstore. It’s always free to list an item on both a booth and a webstore. However, items sold from a booth are subject to commission fees, while you keep 100% of the profit from a webstore.
Shipping vs. pickup: Currently, local pickup is not an option on Bonanza. You can choose to offer flat-rate shipping, free shipping, or calculated shipping. If you don’t specify a shipping service, the shipping options will automatically default to the least expensive available option.
Fees: Bonanza charges a $0.25 transaction fee on all sales made from a Bonanza booth for sellers who do not have an active membership subscription. Sales made on Bonanza are also subject to a Final Value Fee that’s based on the Final Offer Value (FOV). FOV is the amount the buyer paid to you for the item sold, plus any portion of the shipping fee that exceeds $10. For example, if your product sold for $15 and you charged $12 for shipping, your Final Value Fee (FVF) charge would be calculated based on an FOV of $17 (that’s $15 for the item, plus $2 for the portion of shipping fee that exceeded $10). Payouts are done via PayPal.
What else to know: You can import items from another selling platform, or pay for extra advertising for your Bonanza listings.
BBB rating: A+
Number of users: More than 5 million monthly website visitors in 2018
Chairish
Chairish is a curated marketplace for vintage furniture and other home items (Android and iOS app available). After you submit a listing, the Chairish team will either approve or decline it. You’re encouraged to personalize your storefront and enter details and photos of your item.
Shipping vs. pickup: Chairish supports in-home delivery, prepaid shipping, local pickup, local delivery, and seller managed delivery. With the Chairish Drop Off & Go program, a professional packing expert does the work for you.
Fees: Creating a Chairish listing is free, but you won’t receive 100% of the selling price of an item. Chairish commission rates are based on your seller plan. If you sell an item for $2,500, for example, the site will take 20% and you’ll receive $2,000. Payouts happen through PayPal, or direct deposit via Stripe.
What else to know: You control your pricing, you decide when to negotiate, and you’ll receive 70-80% of the selling price of your item.
BBB rating: B
App rating: 3.8/5 stars on Android, 4.9/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: More than 5,000 downloads on Android and 32,000 ratings on iOS
ebay
You can create a free account on ebay’s website or use the ebay app (available for both Android and iOS). ebay offers two selling formats — “Buy It Now,” where someone can purchase your furniture at the price you set, or “Auction,” where you place a starting bid and sellers bid against each other for a set period of time to drive up your payout.
Shipping vs. pickup: Use pickup for local options, or use an eBay delivery label to save on shipping. In most cases the buyer pays for shipping, but you can choose to offer free shipping and pay for it yourself.
Fees: It’s free to list on ebay, but ebay keeps a portion of the sale — 13.25% of the sale price or lower for most categories. Payouts are deposited into your linked checking account.
What else to know: You can choose to pay to promote your listings.
BBB rating: A-
App rating: 4.7/5 stars on Android, 4.8 stars on iOS
Number of users: 100+ million downloads on Android, 3.9 million ratings on iOS
OfferUp
OfferUp is a marketplace app and website where you can sell used furniture locally — or ship it if your item is less than 20 pounds. After you upload photos of your furniture on OfferUp, you’ll write a description, select a category and condition, and set your asking price. App users submit offers, which you can accept or reject.
Shipping vs. pickup: Items under 20 lbs can be shipped through the OfferUp marketplace with a prepaid shipping label. Otherwise, used furniture buyers will come to your home or an agreed-upon pickup location.
Fees: Posting furniture on OfferUp is free (unless you opt in to premium pay-per-use features that increase views of your post). You might need to pay service fees when shipping (12.9% of your item’s final price with a minimum fee of $1.99)or cover shipping costs for qualifying items. You’ll be able to see estimated costs when listing an item. Payouts are done through the OfferUp app and can be deposited to your debit card or bank account.
What else to know: You’ll need a form of ID, such as a driver’s license, to create an account. As a seller, buyers can leave you ratings.
BBB rating: Not rated but has 1.03/5 stars
App ratings: 4.4/5 stars on Android, 4.8/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: 50 million+ downloads on Android, 4.2 million ratings on iOS
Remoov
Remoov picks up and sells, donates, or recycles unwanted items in the Bay Area, Phoenix, and Miami (no app available). Start by texting a picture of your items for a pickup estimate. You’ll receive a response within one business day and can schedule a pickup. Then appraisers will look at your items to decide whether they can be sold.
Shipping vs. pickup: Remoov picks up your items.
Fees: You will receive 50% of the resale value once your items are sold. Payouts are done via check or PayPal.
What else to know: Remoov is currently only available in the Bay Area, Phoenix, and Miami.
BBB rating: A+
Number of users: Not available
RubyLane
You can sell vintage or antique furniture on RubyLane (no app) by creating a shop. You’ll need to maintain this shop over time and continuously upload new items, keeping at least 10 items available for purchase at all times.
Shipping vs. pickup: You will be responsible for shipping your furniture once it sells. Use RubyLane’s shipping calculator to decide what kinds of shipping you want to offer for each item.
Fees: There is no listing or setup fee, but you’ll pay a $25 monthly maintenance fee (you can earn this fee back if you upload 15+ new items per month). There is also a 9.9% service fee on sales. Payouts are done via PayPal.
What else to know: You will need a PayPal business account to conduct business on RubyLane.
BBB rating: A+
Number of users: Over 2,000 shops
Shopify
Sell on Shopify by creating an online store, including webpages showing your products, and select the checkout process you want to use. Shopify can connect to your social media profiles — like Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest — to help you promote your furniture.
Shipping vs. pickup: New Shopify users likely will manage order fulfillment and shipping themselves.
Fees: Shopify’s Starter Plan, which allows you to list items, is $5/month. There are no transaction fees for stores using Shopify Payments. Payouts happen via direct deposit to your checking account, as long as it meets the bank account requirements for Shopify Payments in your country.
What else to know: Shopify is best for people who plan to continuously sell items long-term.
BBB rating: 1.12/5 stars, A+
App rating: 3.9/5 stars on Android, 4.5/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: 5+ million downloads on Android, 9,000 ratings on iOS
Where to sell luxury and vintage used furniture
1stDibs
1stDibs resells luxury, high-end furniture. However, not just anyone can sell on this site (Android and iOS app also available) — you need to be a vetted, professional seller. If you’re an individual who is looking to sell a few items on 1stDibs, you can fill out an application to become one.
Shipping vs. pickup: 1stDibs partners with leading providers to offer fully insured delivery.Shipping options include in-home delivery, front door freight, parcel, and more. 1stDibs passes the direct cost for shipping to the customer.
Fees: You’ll pay 1stDibs a commission on each sale.
What else to know: Listed furniture must be antique and valuable.
BBB rating: F
App rating: None available on Android, 4.9/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: Over 1,000 downloads on Android and 7,000 ratings on iOS
Etsy
Sell antique furniture online by setting up an Etsy seller’s account (app available on Android and iOS). Take styled photos of your furniture and include detailed descriptions of each piece. You can promote your listings on social media or other channels.
Shipping vs. pickup: You’ll be responsible for shipping, but you can also set up your listing for used furniture buyers to pay the shipping fees.
Fees: List your first 40 items free. You’ll pay $0.20 for each item you list plus a 6.5% transaction fee for every sale. For example, if you sell a piece of furniture for $500, you would make $468 after the transaction fee is deducted. Payouts are done via direct deposit to your bank account.
What else to know: You can boost your listings for an extra fee if you’d like.
BBB rating: A-
App rating: 4.9/5 stars on Android, 4.9/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: 10+ million downloads on Android, 4.5 million ratings on iOS
Instagram
From your Instagram profile (app available on Android and iOS), open the menu in the upper right corner and click to view your Settings. Click Business > Set Up Instagram Shopping link to get started.
Shipping vs. pickup: You’ll be fully responsible for shipping items that sell, covering the cost and choosing your preferred shipping method.
Fees: There are no fees associated with selling furniture on Instagram. You can accept Shop Pay, credit card, debit card, and PayPal as payment through Instagram.
What else to know: You will likely need to do some marketing to get your items in front of the right people.
BBB rating: F
App rating: 3.9/5 stars on Android, 4.7/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: More than a billion downloads on Android and 24.7 million ratings on iOS
Pinterest
Pinterest (Android and iOS apps available) might not be an obvious place to sell used furniture, but brands, creators, and merchants can sell using a free business account. Upload your products using a third-party integration like Shopify or WooCommerce. Then create and manage product groups — collections of items you’re selling that can be promoted with shopping ads.
Shipping vs. pickup: Sellers are in charge of shipping purchased items.
Fees: It’s free to create listings and sell on Pinterest. Use hosted checkout via Shopify to make it easy for people to purchase.
What else to know: Pinterest tends to be a good place to sell handcrafted items or antiques.
BBB rating: C-
App rating: 4.5/5 stars on Android, 4.8/5 stars on iOS
Number of users: 500+ million downloads on Android, 4.5 million ratings on iOS
Bottom line: Where is the best place to sell expensive furniture?
The best way to sell expensive furniture is to a high-end auction site like Sotheby’s that can advertise your furniture directly to high-end buyers willing to pay for it.
You can also sell on platforms like Instagram and Pinterest, where people are looking for one-of-a-kind furniture pieces and are willing to pay for shipping.
Don't have furniture to sell? Check out our list of other things to sell and tips for selling these items:
California divorced mom Marissa Forrester's 1.5 carat diamond engagement ring had a retail value of $10,000 in 2012. Eleven years later in 2023 after her divorce, she sold it online for a quarter of that — $2,500. Today, because diamond prices have dropped so far, the ring would be worth half that.
“I thought I'd get something close to $5,000 or $6,000,” Forrester told me. “I was disappointed, but glad to finally get rid of it!”
While the resale value of a diamond has always been very low — 50% or even far less — prices have plummeted 84% in the last four years as inexpensive lab-grown diamonds compete with natural stones, and the global economy is depressed. The good news is that gold (white gold and yellow gold sell for the same price) has been climbing and may likely be worth more than the diamond in your ring.
While it may be disappointing to sell such an expensive item for such a small sum, it may make sense to sell now before diamond prices drop even further. Plus, the cosmic power of getting rid of a ring after divorce is fierce!
Common mistakes women make when selling an engagement ring
Most jewelry is a gift, and therefore an emotional possession — even if the gold, diamond or other material is really just a commodity. Engagement rings are the most emotional of all.
Before you figure out how and where to sell your engagement ring, let's knock out some common emotional barriers that may be standing in the way:
1. Waffle about whether to sell or keep your engagement ring
I meet a lot of women who hold on to their engagement rings for a years, which in this market, means that they are losing money every day — all while holding on to a momento from what was likely a sad breakup.
Others similarly hold on to their ring for their children to use for their own engagement ring one day. I try not to judge, but that is nothing but bad mojo.
Others repurpose the center stone of their engagement ring into a necklace or other jewelry. Many seem happy with that choice, but again — there are plenty of other diamonds that don't carry the negative baggage of your divorce.
In general, women are happier once they get rid of their engagement rings — whether they sell (and use the funds to pay off debt, go on vacation, invest in a business or education), or, in the case of Mallory in Oregon, climbed the summit of a local mountain, wrapped the ring in a scrunchie and tossed it off a cliff. “Never felt better,” she told me.
2. Assume your ring is worth more than it is
This post spells out how to understand what your engagement ring is really worth on the resale market. Dig into that ASAP — know what you are dealing with.
Word to the wise from Jessica in Lumberton, N.C.:
I thought about keeping my bridal set for my kids. However, I know there are a lot of superstitious people in our world. Plus, there was no way of knowing if either of my children would want the rings. So I finally decided to sell them to a pawn shop, mainly because my ex was not helping financially.
I was mad, but I didn't know if my ex knew or if he was scammed. The jewelers where he bought the rings had closed down because people were finding out when they were bringing in real diamond jewelry to be sized or cleaned that their real diamonds were being taken out and were replaced with fake cheaply made stones. I went to another pawn shop and jewelry store hoping that the first place was wrong, but that was not the case. I did find someone that would take the set, but I literally got $10 for it, which at least replaced the gas I had burned going to all the different places for quotes.
One of the reasons many women choose not to sell their engagement ring is that the price they are quoted from a jeweler or auction site is much lower than what they believe their ring is worth.
Wholesale ring buyers need to make a profit when they resell your ring or earrings, so they like to buy low.
Diamond values are down more than three-quarters since the summer of 2022.
A common misunderstanding is that the engagement ring owner believes that, for example, she has a 1-carat engagement ring, when in reality, the center stone is .5 carats, and the surrounding smaller stones total .5 carats. Most jewelers or ring buyers value the smaller stones very little — perhaps less than $100 total in this case — and are only interested in the center stone.
Diamonds do not hold their value the same way that commodities like gold and silver do. Typically, the resale value of diamond jewelry is 30% to 50% of what you paid for it but since prices have dropped so dramatically, that is no longer true.
One online diamond buyer told me that the resale value can be as little as 5%.
“People are always surprised by how little their diamond is worth, but diamond retail prices have always been inflated, and now prices are dropping like crazy,” he said.
As of January, 2026, diamond prices have fallen 84% since 2022, according to IDEX, which tracks global diamond trends:
3. Try to sell your ring without documentation
Now, many people, especially those with smaller stones, do not have a proper diamond appraisal, and that is OK.
Nonetheless, do your best to learn everything you can about what your diamond is worth. If you have a GIA certificate for your engagement ring or other lab report, the original box, receipt, and any documentation of the size and quality of the stones and metal, send or bring it with you when you sell.
The resale value of your engagement ring depends on the size, cut, clarity and color of the stone, as well as the market value of the precious metal in which it is set. Plus, yours might be worth more if it's from a designer jewelry brand. All of these can be documented in a lab report or even a jewelry appraisal or diamond appraisal.
These reports typically cost between $100 and $300, so they're only worth it if your item is worth at least $1,000.
4. Take the first offer for your engagement ring
It's always worthwhile to get at least two offers for your engagement ring (or any jewelry for that matter).
You can always start with a quote from a jewelry store, diamond buyer, or local pawn shop.
No matter where you end up selling — even if you are not a skilled negotiator, the buyer will typically respond to your suggestion for a higher price. As my mom used to say: They won't respect you unless you negotiate!
It’s easy to obtain multiple offers from online diamond buyers. Here's how the process typically works:
Online diamond buyers will ask you for some basic information about your engagement ring, either online or over the phone.
They'll give you an initial estimate, either via email or over the phone.
A quality online buyer will send a free FedEx, UPS, or USPS mailer that includes insurance (you should be able to track your item all the way to the buyer — and back if you decide not to sell).
The diamond buyer will make a final offer after evaluating your engagement ring in person, which you can accept or reject. Again: negotiate! Many of the top diamond buyers offer payouts within 24 hours or less.
Best places to sell a diamond engagement ring
Based on our criteria and extensive research in the diamond-buying space, we've determined these are the four best options for selling your ring, based on what makes the most sense for you:
Pawn shop: Where to sell diamonds for immediate cash
DiamondsUSA: Best place to sell most wedding and engagement rings online
Keep reading to learn about each of these options:
Best place to sell your diamond engagement ring for immediate cash: Local pawn broker near you
Pawnshops can have a bad reputation for paying pennies on the dollar. There are many local pawnbrokers that are honest, reputable business and will pay you a fair price for your diamond — or extend a pawn loan, allowing you to maintain ownership of your diamond and secure a short-term loan if you need money.
Pros:
Immediate cash
Do business with a local company in your community
Possibility of pawn loan
Cons:
Unlikely to get highest price for your engagement ring
Best place to sell most diamond engagement rings: Diamonds USA
Selling your engagement ring to a local jeweler or pawn shop may give you quick cash, which is important to a lot of people. However, local jewelry buyers typically pay less than online buyers — plus also require you to leave your house (annoying), and have a much less private process than online diamond buyers.
DiamondsUSA is one of the best gold and jewelry buyers on the market and buys any and all sizes of gold and diamond jewelry, including lab-grown diamonds. We also like Diamonds USA because:
A+ BBB rating
Payouts within 24 hours of an accepted offer
Fully insured shipments from your home
Guarantee they will beat any written price for your engagement ring
Most other buyers require a minimum size and value of diamond engagement ring or loose diamond, typically .5 carats and $1,000.
These are some recent Diamond USA sales:
White gold engagement ring set with 1.29 carat center stone with a clarity I1 with color J-K w strong fluorescence, paid $1,500:
1.16 total carat weight engagement ring set, paid $445:
1.78 total carat weight engagement ring set, paid $550:
2.89 total carat weight engagement ring set, paid $903:
DiamondsUSA is also a good option for selling gold and platinum wedding rings. Actually, DiamondsUSA and its sister sites, CashforGoldUSA and CashforSilverUSA, can help you sell the following:
Diamond engagement ring with a center stone of any size
Wedding ring with lots of small diamonds in the setting (known as melee diamonds)
Engagement ring with small diamonds or other gemstones in the setting
All other diamond, gold, gemstone, or even silver jewelry, coins and bullion
If you have something that’s high value because you have large diamonds or a designer engagement ring (Tiffany & Co, Cartier, Harry Winston, Van Cleef & Arpels, etc.), and you don't need the money immediately, consider Worthy.
Worthy accepts engagement rings if the largest diamond is at least 0.90 carat in weight and auctions them to a network of more than 1,000 professional buyers.
These are some recent auction payouts for engagement rings on Worthy.com:
2.27 ct. Round Cut Solitaire Ring, K, SI2, sold for $5708
1.41 ct. Round Cut Solitaire Ring, G, VS2, sold for $2625
0.71 ct. Pear Cut Solitaire Ring, G, SI2, sold for $1000
0.97-1.08 carat princess cut bridal set, sold for $1,450
1.5 carat round cut bridal set, sold for $3,193
2.07 carat round cut solitaire ring, sold for $8,000
Check out my Worthy review to learn more about my personal experience selling an engagement ring with the auction platform.
If you need to get the most money for your engagement ring today, but you don’t really want to sell it, then consider a jewelry loan. A jewelry loan allows you to send in your engagement ring (or other jewelry) as collateral against a loan, in exchange for interest.
In all states, any item that was gifted to you, you own. Typically, an engagement ring is a gift from one person to the other — the receiver of an engagement ring has full legal ownership and has the right to sell, trade or trash it.
Should I get my engagement ring appraised before selling?
An appraisal from a local jeweler is useful for insurance resale value, or perhaps to understand the quality of your engagement ring. A lab report can be very helpful in selling your engagement ring, or for getting a loan against your ring, but will cost $100 to $300, so this only makes sense for more valuable items.
How much will I get if I sell my diamond ring? How much is a diamond worth?
The real value in selling your wedding or engagement ring or other jewelry you don’t wear is that it frees up all that negative energy attached to the item, stewing indefinitely in your jewelry box. It felt good to rid my home and mind of that significant marriage memento.
Even if you loved the ring, loved your ex, loved being married, love any kids that came from that union (yes, yes, yes, yes for me), it is time to move on and free the mental energy attached to the ring — not to mention the money!
How much will a jeweler pay for an engagement diamond ring or wedding ring set?
A jeweler will likely pay you anywhere from 5% to 50% of the retail value of your ring, similar to pawn shops. Again, this may be less than what you would get from an online buyer, as a jeweler will have a higher markup. Shop around to ensure you get the best price and always negotiate.
A 1-carat diamond and gold engagement ring will fetch resale prices ranging from $1,000 to $5,000, depending on the cut, quality and setting. Platinum setting and large side stones can mean higher prices, as can name brands like Tiffany or Cartier.
Bottom line: Is it worth it to sell an old engagement ring?
A couple years after my divorce, I sold my engagement ring and wedding band at a fine jewelry buyer in New York City, where I lived.
I only received a fraction of what my now ex-husband and I paid for it, but I felt I got a fair price and used the proceeds to fund a trip my kids took to Europe with their dad to visit family — which I felt good about.
You can get a quote for your engagement ring within a day at DiamondsUSA.
How about you? Do you still have your engagement ring? Do you feel you understood the true resale value of your jewelry?
Share in the comments!
Where can I sell my engagement ring for the most money?
Selling your engagement ring to a local jeweler or pawn shop may give you quick cash, which is important to a lot of people. However, brick-and-mortar jewelry buyers typically pay less than online buyers, so I recommend considering a reputable diamond buyer online.
Do engagement rings hold their value?
While over time, diamonds have historically risen in value from a retail price point, do not expect to get your money back on an engagement ring. Typically, resale value of fine gemstone jewelry is one-third to one-half of what you pay for it. Diamond prices have been declining over the past year.
How much can you sell an engagement ring for?
A 1-carat diamond and gold engagement ring will fetch resale prices ranging from $1,000 to $5,000, depending on the cut, quality and setting. Large side stones can mean higher prices, as can name brands like Tiffany or Cartier.
How much will a jeweler pay for a diamond ring?
A jeweler will likely pay you anywhere from 20% to 50% of the retail value of your ring. Shop around to ensure you get the best price.
Should you sell your engagement ring?
Overall, I am a huge fan of selling your engagement ring in the event that your relationship ends, and I did so myself. Diamond prices are declining, so best to sell now before your ring is worth less in the future.
Divorce and custody negotiations are stressful: deciding how to afford two homes, share parenting time, and protect the kids from the conflict. You are likely thinking about your house, a new job and definitely a new budget.
It's easy to want to plow through negotiations as quickly as possible.
Slow your roll, experts say. Think about the things you really want in your divorce settlement, and where you can afford to be flexible. Here is a comprehensive list of all the items that you will need to negotiate to untangle your marriage.
Molly Rosenblum, owner and founding attorney of the Rosenblum Allen Law Firm in Las Vegas, Nev., says it’s important to be mindful of the tax implications of selling a home as part of a divorce settlement.
She recommends consulting with a tax professional to get a firm understanding about how selling or dividing the home as an asset will impact you as an individual.
Any real estate that was bought by you and your spouse is typically considered marital property and the assets of which are typically split 50-50 when you divorce. There are many ways that the assets in the home can be transferred or divided, and each can affect tax liability.
You might consider keeping the house, if you can afford it. More on this below.
What happens when you divorce and you own a home together?
Before any equity in the home is divided, first you must understand the value of the home. You and your spouse can agree to a price that you can estimate the home would sell for today, based on recent home sales of properties in your area. If you cannot come to that agreement, then couples typically hire an appraiser to set a fair-market value for your home.
From there, you can use that number to negotiate other parts of your financial settlement.
When you are negotiating and determining the best path between a sale or a buyout, you need to think about realtor fees, transfer taxes, and home equity, advises Rosenblum who points out that in Nevada (and other states), houses are losing equity FAST.
“If you are upside down in your home, a walk away might make more sense,” says Rosenblum. “Trading equity in the house (if it's small) for money elsewhere might also make sense especially if a sale is going to cost you another 3-6% in realtor fees.”
Who has to leave the house in a divorce and who gets to stay?
In some states and extreme, high-conflict situations, if one spouse leaves the marital home for any reason — including being arrested for a false domestic violence report — he or she loses all rights to the marital home. In most divorce cases that are at all amicable, these common scenarios will typically apply to the house after divorce.
One spouse buys out the other’s share of the home’s equity like through a cash-out refi
If the house is underwater—in which the mortgage is larger than the value of the home—then the house may be sold, and the remaining debt split between the spouses
If they can afford it, the couple may choose for one parent to stay in the home to maintain a routine and school district for any children they have together
Continue to co-own the home. You can then rent out the property and share any profits, use it as an Airbnb or other short-term rental, ride out an economic downturn to hope to recoup any losses or increase profits in a future sale, or one of the spouses can continue to live in the home, with an agreement about how any sale proceeds would be divided in the future.
Who is entitled to the house in a divorce?
If the house is owned by both the wife and husband, and it was purchased during the marriage, typically both spouses are entitled to equal shares of the equity. There are pros and cons to keeping a house in a divorce — and it may not be financially possible for you.
One spouse keeps the house, and buys the other out via cash-out refinance.
Sell the house and split the proceeds.
One spouse keeps the house, and takes less of a retirement distribution or other marital asset in return.
If you choose to refinance the home in order to buy out your ex:
Can a house sale be forced in divorce?
Sometimes, a divorce decree states that the house must be sold in order to divide the equity in the home, to satisfy debt carried by one or both spouses, or for other financial obligations — in which case this must be adhered to.
If one spouse wants to keep the marital home but cannot come up with the required funds to pay the other spouse the portion agreed upon — or ordered by a judge — then a court could force the sale of the house in order to comply with terms of the divorce.
Financial information
Assets and debts are equally divided in divorce typically. You also must consider ongoing expenses for the kids and other key financial information. What you need to know:
Credit card, tax and personal loan debt
Like it or not, legally, you are likely on the hook for any debt accrued during the marriage.
Dig up documentation of all statements, including interest rates and due dates. If you are ready to start tackling debt, start here:
Divorce and breakups are some of the most common times when credit fraud can occur.
Fighting exes can steal your personal information to take on loans or open credit cards in your name, fail to pay debts they agreed to, and, sadly, it is common to steal children's identities, too.
The three major credit reporting agencies, Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax, all provide credit scores and reports, but in slightly different ways. You can get your free FICO credit score and report from Experian now to see where you stand.
Then, make sure to remove your name from any accounts attached to your ex's. Open bank and credit card accounts in your own name, and make sure that you are not on the hook to make car, student loan or mortgage payments that are not yours.
Student loans
Student debt taken on before you married is likely going to stay with the person who signed the loan.
However, if the debt was assumed during the marriage, it is likely the responsibility of both parties, at least to some degree, and can get messy.
Life insurance policies in divorce settlement
Every mom should consider a life insurance policy, even moms with no income of their own.
Especially for women aged 50 and older, you need a plan to pay for long-term care insurance. Rosenblum suggests getting quotes not just for long-term care but all kinds of insurance to find out what those premiums will cost (health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, etc.). That way, you can plan for alimony payments and/or employment, child support and other financial matters.
“Most insurance companies will negotiate rates if they know the client is going through a divorce,” Rosenblum says. “In discussing these matters with your insurance agent, you should ask about the possibility of increasing rates so there are no surprises.”
About 70% of people in the U.S. will require some kind of long-term care in their lives, and 18% of women will require it for five or more years.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that it costs on average $92,376 per year for long-term care in a nursing home.
Wedding jewelry
Typically, anything that was given as a gift is considered the property of the gift recipient. This includes an engagement ring or other bridal jewelry, as well as any rings, necklaces, bracelets, brooches or earrings that you received as a gift throughout the relationship. You can keep these, or sell your jewelry for cash — up to you.
College tuition for the kids
Some states like Illinois require that divorced parents pay a share of college costs.
One tactic that works for many families: Once kids age out of child care, reallocate those funds to a 529 college investment account.
Who claims children on taxes?
Many families either take turns claiming the kids or otherwise equally split the deductions in an equitable way, for example, divvying up health insurance, child care or other kid-related deductions.
If your ex has a history of not paying his share, make sure you take the deductions.
Decide what makes sense for covering the kids, and equitable payment for premiums and out-of-pocket expenses.
Typically this is divided equitably based on each spouse's income.
If one of you has a generous health benefit through your employer, then it may make sense for that parent to assume this responsibility.
Private school tuition
If your kids will continue to attend private school, or religious school, nail down during divorce who will pay for tuition, books, uniforms, school trips and other related fees.
Co-parenting plan
These are some elements of a co-parenting plan that you’ll want to consider in your divorce settlement:
Equal parenting time—no child support
I elaborate in detail here why equally shared parenting time in divorce is so important for children and women, but this is very often overlooked in divorce agreements.
By asking your kids' dad to take responsibility as a parent — and not just ‘give' him minimum ‘access' to, or ‘visits' with his kids — it dramatically reduces the conflict between you, dramatically increases the chances he will be actively involved (and not skip out on parenting), and that he will pay any support or extras that is required of him.
Also, when you have a co-parent who equally shares time caring for the kids, this means you have more time to work and earn — which is good for the whole family.
I know it can be hard — I was adamantly opposed to this initially — but expecting equal time of both parents is good for kids, parents, men, and feminism.
Since each parent now has equal time to work and earn, no child support also makes sense.
Co-parenting mandates can include mandated co-parenting classes, regular, scheduled meetings with your ex, as well as your significant others (or other relatives actively involved in your kids' lives, like grandparents who live nearby).
By initiating things to ask for in a divorce on the front-end, you set a precedent for collaboration and communication that can carry you forward for the rest of your kids' lives.
First right of refusal means that if one parent can't be with the kids on their assigned days, the other parent has first dibs on that time. Very often overlooked in divorce agreements. This is often overlooked in divorce agreements but can stave off many arguments.
Co-parenting plan
You can create a parenting plan without an attorney by using a service like RocketLawyer, as well as work out details now, and ongoing (because — trust me! — life changes in ways you can't expect!) as well as a family or couples therapist. Don't overlook this!
You can establish how often you and your co-parent communicate, the amount of time each of you has to respond to a message, and modes of communicating required (text, say, opposed to phone or email — whatever you both agree on).
Rosenblum advises clients to explore co-parenting communication apps. There are many options to choose from these days. They are helpful because they keep all communications, kids events, receipts, and other documents in one place.
She says if you choose an app early on and include it in your negotiations, it can likely help you bypass the he said/she said back and forth when post divorce decree issues arise in the future.
You will likely agree to keep each other abreast of any medical or academic challenges faced by your children, as well as behavioral or emotional issues outside of normal kid stuff. Do not overlook this in your divorce agreements.
An equal parenting schedule can work any number of ways:
One week on, one week off with each parent
Two weeks on, two weeks off with each parent
Every-other-weekend, plus some weeknights with each parent
The 3-4-4-3: three days with one parent, four days with the other parent, four days with the first parent and then three days with the other parent
Two-days on, two days off (more appropriate for smaller children)
Summers, holidays and school breaks are also up for discussion and the co-parenting schedule, and should also be shared equally for sake of equal responsibility in parenting, as well as equal rights and enjoyment of the kids!
This often-overlooked item on a divorce agreement is a great opportunity to lay out how you will share special occasions and holidays with your ex.
However, keep in mind that you will need to be flexible and accommodating.
Life is long and complex — and both of you will likely seek and need this to be fluid going forward.
Shared time for vacation
Shared responsibility for caring for kids on summer, school holidays, breaks, half-days and when kids are sick. See above.
This time can be seen as a blessing or a burden, but it must be taken care of, and it is both parents' responsibility to arrange care or take time off work.
We can't close the pay gap until this happens.
Safety
Routine safety provisions in the other parent's home: No guns, window locks, smoke alarms, etc. Many parents overlook this in their agreements.
Coming-of-age celebrations
Very often overlooked in divorce agreements: Depending on your family's heritage and traditions, it may be important to you and your kids' dad to prioritize saving for and sharing the cost of celebrating your kids' bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, graduations, communion, baptisms, quinceanera, and prom.
Coparent calendar
It is important to create a shared co-parenting calendar, whether you use Google Calendar, or a scheduler in a co-parenting app. These calendars can be amended as both parties agree, as well as shared with nannies and babysitters, grandparents, and the kids themselves as they get smartphones.
Guidelines around relationships
Whether it is working on your new co-parenting relationship, supporting your children through the trauma of divorce, or starting to date again, this is a time of relationship transitions. A few things to consider in your divorce negotiations:
When each starts dating, who is allowed to be around the kids? Is a new partner allowed to spend the night? Can I meet the girlfriend or boyfriend first?
Clauses restricting your kid's other parent from introducing a new boyfriend or girlfriend to the kids are only based in control and jealousy, and are not enforceable. Plus, if you find a new partner is introduced, what do you want to happen? Drag your ex to court to be spanked by a judge? What happens if you do meet the new woman and you don't like her? You don't get a say in whether she will be your children's new stepmom.
In short: Skip these clauses, and focus on healing your hurt, jealousy and totally normal sense of loss of control. Trust me: It gets better.
Therapy for kids and teens
No matter how civil your breakup, divorce is hard for the children. Write into the parenting order that both parties are responsible for paying for and transporting kids to therapy sessions. It can be easy to overlook this since it can be uncomfortable, but put it in your agreement.
If time, money, and choice of counselor for your teen or child is an issue, consider online therapy sites like BetterHelp. Prices start at $65/week for unlimited messaging and weekly live sessions. Financial assistance available. Choose from thousands of licensed and certified therapists, and conduct sessions by phone, video, chat or email. Learn more in our review of BetterHelp.
Ongoing mediation or counseling after divorce for co-parents
Peaceful co-parenting requires frequent, ongoing communication. Especially initially after a breakup or divorce when emotions are at a fever-peak, this can be incredibly hard.
Instead of duking it out via text and screaming at one another on the front lawn in front of the kids and neighbors, and in place of continuing with expensive attorneys who are incentivized to amp up conflict, consider writing into your separation agreement or parenting plan ongoing family or couples therapy.
When you were married all the important documents resided in one home. Now, where do they live? Documents you need to account for include:
Birth certificates, Social Security cards and passports
Passport and written permission to travel internationally with the kids (or not)
Fair share of child care, after-school, camp and extracurricular activities
Care and estate planning for disabled children
Who holds birth certificates, Social Security cards and passports for the children?
If there is a flight risk or other serious issues in your custody arrangement, the primary custody parent will likely be granted holding rights for important documents. In any case, make this clear in your settlement.
Passport and written permission to travel internationally with the kids (or not)
Whether you have family in another country, envision vacationing abroad, or otherwise, every mom needs to establish this now. You also need to consider this if you have actual legal reason to worry your kids' dad will kidnap your kids abroad and want to make sure this is addressed at the time of travel.
Alternatively, make sure you get in writing that you have permission to travel internationally with your kids.
You may assume that you and your ex are on the same page when it comes to exposing your children to the world, or visiting relatives abroad.
However, your relationship with your ex could become contentious at any time, and that Mexico trip you planned for winter break can become rife with conflict.
Better to make this clear on the front-end.
Download forms for:
Child medical consent
Child travel consent
Visitation letter
Child care authorization
Power of attorney
If you’re filing or modifying your divorce, proper service of process is required before a judge will hear your case. A licensed process server can locate an evasive spouse, serve summons, subpoenas, or orders of protection, and return a notarized affidavit of service, plus handle court filing and document retrieval. For fast, compliant service, agencies like Serve Index LLC offer routine and rush service, skip tracing, and status updates so you can focus on negotiations and parenting while the paperwork is handled.
Fair share of child care, after-school, camp and extracurricular activities
Especially if your kids are tiny, it can be hard to imagine that one day they may require thousands of dollars annually in these costs, but ask any parent: They add up to a lot.
Each parent should be expected to pay their share, dependent upon income (which will likely change in which case you will revisit the equation).
If you have disabled children, make sure there are provisions to continue support and related care indefinitely. Even if your children are not disabled at the time of settlement, you must have a solid estate plan for yourself and them after divorce.
In her Nevada practice, Rosenblum has seen an increase in estate issues after divorce.
She explains that, in Nevada, trusts created during and for marriage automatically dissolve when you get a divorce. State laws vary, so work with an attorney to find out how divorce impacts an existing estate plan.
“Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and beneficiaries all should be updated,” says Rosenblum. “Be clear about it in the divorce paperwork.”
Additionally, make sure the beneficiary information is correct on retirement plans, annuities, and pensions.
“If you want to keep receiving benefits if your spouse pre-deceases you, you must negotiate this in divorce,” Rosenblum says. “There is usually a cost associated with this and who bears the expense of this needs to be negotiated as well.”
Here is what you need to know to create a fair and successful divorce settlement agreement.
What is a divorce settlement?
A divorce settlement is the contract that divorcing spouses agree to — whether with the help of attorneys, a mediator, or between the two of them privately — and then is filed in the courts as part of the final divorce paperwork.
The benefits of settling out of court include:
Lower cost
Lower stress
Speed
You and your ex have more control of the outcome of the divorce if you agree outside of a courtroom. Otherwise, a judge will determine your fate.
Understand if you qualify to DIY your divorce, or seek mediation for a low-conflict resolution.
How do you know what to ask for in your divorce settlement agreement? These are some of the top things to ask for in a divorce that you may want to consider:
What can you negotiate in a divorce?
Everything is negotiable in divorce — though many couples can default to their state’s laws about things like child support payments, or any division of property that they can’t agree on.
What should be included in a divorce settlement?
The requirements of a divorce settlement differ by state. However, here is a list of items to work through before your divorce is settled and finalized:
Time sharing and co-parenting of any children
Child support and division of expenses for the children
Division of assets, including property, debt
Division of investments, including 401ks, pensions, real estate
Who is responsible for paying any shared mortgages and car notes
Responsibility of outstanding taxes owed, and how taxes will be filed moving forward
How are divorce settlements calculated? How do they work?
Division of marital assets are determined by laws in your state — either 50/50, or equitably. However, you and your ex are free to negotiate a division of property and debts as you like.
Similarly for child support, each state has its own child support calculator. However, you and your spouse are free to agree on whatever terms you deem fair.
What should a woman ask for in a divorce settlement?
Even if you have the best of intentions of being fair and civilized, you are likely afraid, confused and overwhelmed by this legal process, and major life change. This can make you unsure of what to ask for as part of the divorce settlement.
Here is some guidance on what a woman should ask for in a divorce:
Quick, amicable divorce proceedings
The house (if it’s affordable)
Shared parenting time
Joint physical custody
Equitable distribution of marital property and debt
Co-parenting plan
Child support and insurance for the child (or children)
Laws vary by state, but typically in divorce, wives are entitled to:
Equitable distribution. That means that any assets acquired during the marriage are split 50/50. So, any value accumulated in your home or other real estate, the value of your 401(k) or other portfolio investments that were contributed to and grew during the marriage itself (not the engagement or time you lived together) is split in half.
Child support and maybe alimony. If the husband is the bigger earner, and the couple has children, the wife is likely entitled to child support based on a support calculator for their state. She will also likely share the kids' out-of-pocket expenses based on what each parent earns.
In the case of alimony, make sure the terms are clear in your divorce settlement, Rosenblum says. If you want to be able to modify it, that needs to be clearly stated. Also, indicate the conditions for ending alimony, such as remarriage or death.
What is separate property?
Non-marital property is personal or separate property. It includes inheritance, gifts, compensation from personal injury, property bought using personal funds, and proceeds of a pension vested before the start of a marriage. If part of your assets includes structured settlement payments from a past personal-injury case, remember these are typically your separate property, but you still have options. Some parents choose to sell a portion of future payments to access cash for legal fees, housing, or to equalize the property division. Before considering a sale, compare offers from a structured settlement buyer to understand discount rates, fees, and court-approval requirements, and to decide whether selling part versus all of your payments makes sense. A business started before marriage is personal property, but if it increases in value during the marriage, or if the other spouse works at the business, a portion of it may become marital property.
Investment assets, including 401(k) and IRAs, real estate holdings, savings accounts and other assets acquired before the marriage are considered non-marital /separate property. But any contributions to investment funds made during the marriage are likely considered joint property— no matter who earned that money.
In complex disputes, a dog lawyer may also be brought in to help navigate ownership and custody questions related to pets.
Who gets the car in a divorce?
Vehicles purchased during the marriage are typically considered marital property and the value of which are divided according to state laws — either equally or equitably. Exceptions include whether a vehicle is purchased by a company owned by one spouse.
Typically, if there are two vehicles, each spouse takes one, and any outstanding debt on the car note is factored into the final divorce settlement, or otherwise factored into other assets and debts.
Legally animals, including dogs, cats and other pets, are property. Following a divorce, the pet belongs to either one spouse or the other. Traditionally, there is no “custody” of pets.
There is, however, a recent trend in courts to view pets as more than property. In Illinois, Alaska, and California, divorce courts consider the best interests of the pet. If one spouse bought a pet, got married, and let the other spouse take care of the pet, then the other spouse could make a legal argument in those states that the pet is their joint property.
But for now, in most states, pet ownership is dictated by simpler property laws. Pets are given to the spouse who paid for or adopted the pet. If the pet was paid for with joint funds, then the spouse who initiated the purchase receives the pet.
In community property states, if your pet cannot be considered separate property, you may still have a few options for maintaining a relationship with the pet.
It is possible to co-own a pet, and you can draft provisions dictating the sharing of expenses related to its care as well as a visitation schedule. You can also try to obtain full ownership of the pet by giving up other property in exchange. Anything is negotiable.
Who loses more in a divorce?
Jenifer Foley, co-founder of Alter, Wolff & Foley LLP, a New York-based law firm that specializes in family legal services, says that depends on your definition of losing.
She says a party can ‘lose’ in terms of money, if one party leaves the marriage with more than a fair share of assets or one person is ordered to pay more than a fair share of support.
“But the reality is maybe, in that situation, the payor decided they valued something more than cash and were very willing to pay extra money,” Foley says.
She says in an ideal world, a marriage would end with the same kindness, love and respect that it started with, especially if there are children involved.
“Unfortunately, many divorces are still conducted within an adversarial court structure, such that even in amicable divorces, there is a negotiation process and a desire to “win” — more money, more time with the kids, more power over decision-making for the kids, etc.”
Bottom line: Know what to ask for and what not to forget in a divorce settlement
Foley says there are several things often overlooked in divorce agreements.
“A big factor that sometimes gets overlooked is how parents are going to resolve their disagreements in the future,” Foley says.
Even in the most amicable divorces, Foley says there should be a provision in any divorce agreement that sets forth the process that parties will engage if there is a future disagreement — rather than going to court. That might involve using a mediator or third-party neutral to help parties come to a peaceful resolution.
Foley offers this advice to anyone getting a divorce:
Know your own life as well as your attorney does
Take a financial management class to learn about managing money, budgeting, and investing
Hire a consultant, such as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)
Review your own spending and your family’s spending
Understand how much your lifestyle costs, so you will understand the decisions and compromises you will be asked to make during the divorce process
Ask your attorney lots of questions so you understand the law, what a court might do in your situation, what your risks are, etc.
Try to make well-reasoned, thoughtful, strategic decisions about your divorce and the next chapter of your life
Where children are involved, focus on what is best for them, remembering that children need both parents
Get professional help if needed about how best to co-parent your children without putting them in the middle
What is a divorce settlement?
A divorce settlement is a contract that divorcing spouses agree to — whether with the help of attorneys, a mediator or between the two of them privately — and then is filed in the courts as part of the final divorce paperwork.
What can you negotiate in a divorce?
Everything is negotiable in divorce — though many couples can default to their state’s laws about things like child support payments, or any division of property that they can’t agree on.
What should be included in a divorce settlement?
The requirements of a divorce settlement differ by state. However, here is a list of some items to work through before your divorce is settled and finalized: co-parenting, child support, investment accounts and debts.
How are divorce settlements calculated?
Division of marital assets are determined by laws in your state — either 50/50, or equitably. However, you and your ex are free to negotiate a division of property and debts as you like.
