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Can my ex demand to meet my new partner? Why you don’t have to tell your ex about your new boyfriend

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I often hear from moms who:

  • Say that their ex freaked out in jealousy when he found out she was dating, and how should she deal with him?
  • Ask how she should tell her ex about her new boyfriend.
  • Are livid her kids met her ex’s new woman.
  • Insist on meeting the kids’ dad’s new girlfriend before the children do

To all of these scenarios, I say: It is none of his or your business. So, if you are wondering, “Do I need to tell my ex about my new partner,” the answer is a resounding, “No.”

That is right: Your romantic life is none of your ex’s business. Nor is his yours.

“My ex has a new girlfriend / boyfriend.”

Here are common responses to learning that your ex has a new girlfriend, boyfriend, or even new spouse:

  • Jealousy
  • Feeling threatened the new partner will replace you as a parent
  • Fear the new person will be a bad presence in your kids’ lives
  • Sadness that the relationship didn’t work out 
  • Relief that he/she may now stop trying to get back together, or be happy again, or otherwise benefit from a nice relationship
  • Pity or empathy that your ex can’t stand to be alone
  • Pity or empathy for the new partner 
  • Genuine happiness for him or her — love is wonderful! 
  • Grateful that a nice new person will be in your kids’ lives

All of these feelings are totally normal — some of them justified, others reactions simply an emotional response you need to work through.

A new partner is not automatically cause for alarm, however.

(On the other hand, if you struggle about telling a new boyfriend about your divorce — that is another issue. He should absolutely know your marital status, and the general facts, but he may not want to be mired in the minutiae of the proceedings).

Can my ex demand to meet my new partner?

Now, you may follow Gwyneth Paltrow and the pat divorce advice that informs you to constantly communicate with your ex and involve them in all decisions that involve the kids, which you can do with a co-parenting app (especially if you and your ex don’t always get along). Some people have really beautiful relationships with their exes, or friendly or civilized relationships. That’s great. As in any relationship — platonic, romantic, familial, professional — you conduct yourself with dignity and according to the understanding of disclosure with the other party.

Reviews and cost of best co parent app
Co-parenting can be overwhelming, or even toxic. Luckily, there’s an app for that. Read our reviews of co-parenting apps.

But that is an agreement — implicit or explicit — with that person. That is not the law of co-parenting for every family.

In other words, if you and your ex have a nice relationship and chat freely and often about the goings-on in your lives, and you start dating someone and have been telling everyone else in your life about this special new person, then it would be really weird and suspicious if you didn’t tell your ex.

Not that many people have that kind of relationship. Pretending you do, when you don’t, only creates problems.

As I’ve written about extensively, dating is normal and healthy regardless of your parental status. Kids seeing their mother or father spend time with nice people, people who may be casually involved in the children’s lives or become lifelong step-parents, does not need a security clearance from the other parent.

Because you are no longer romantically entwined and, as such, you are each free to date as each of you see fit.

Also: Parents dating is not a big deal.

Hear more about intro’ing your new guy to the kids, and whether you should tell their dad in this Like a Mother episode:

If it feels like a big deal that the other parent is dating around the kids, there are several possible explanations:

  • The upset parent is jealous or otherwise not emotionally over the relationship.
  • The upset parent is hyper-controlling (which is basically the same as above).
  • The upset parent has an unhealthy attitude about dating overall, and thinks it is a toxic, dirty thing children must be protected from.

Further, if you know your ex will be upset about the new person, but tell them anyway, there are some not-great reasons for this, too:

  • You’re trying to make him jealous.
  • You are living in a fantasy world in which you have a happy co-parenting relationship in which sharing about your romantic life is organic and normal, ignoring your reality that proves you have anything but.
  • You’re flaunting your newfound independence and his inability to control you.
  • You know he will get all crazy and jealous and make a scene in front of your new boyfriend, who you suspect will then get jealous and crazy and you get off on the sword fight (or some other similar crazy-making ain’t nobody got time for).

Should you tell your ex about your new boyfriend?

Are you worried that:

  • Your ex-husband is or will be mad about your new boyfriend.
  • Your ex-husband is jealous of new boyfriend.
  • Telling your ex-wife about a new relationship will upset your co-parenting.

These are all legitimate concerns. Sometimes people become violent, difficult or unreasonable when their exes start new relationships. A few guidelines:

  1. You are not obligated to share details about your romantic life with your ex. It is none of their business. 
  2. If you have a decent relationship with your ex, and you have kids together, it can be both kind and practical to tell him or her that you have a new partner that will be spending a lot of time with the kids. 
  3. If your motivation in telling your ex about a new love interest is to make him or her jealous, or otherwise manipulate them, don’t. 

25 gift ideas for your boyfriend's mom

How to tell your ex you’re seeing someone

When communicating with your kid’s other parent, communication is key. Whether by text, phone or in-person:

  • Stick to the facts, and information he needs to know
  • Don’t get emotional
  • Don’t lecture him
  • Respond promptly
  • Communicate as you hope he would communicate with you
  • Don’t respond if he gets angry/ lectures / threatens / gets emotional
  • Commit to good co-parenting, including not calling the kids all the time when they are with the other parent, and other toxic parenting

What to do when your kid’s dad shows up late, unexpected or cancels last minute

Meeting your ex’s new partner?

Michael Ceely, a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, offers these tips for meeting your ex's new boyfriend or girlfriend:

  1. Remember that it doesn't matter if you like the new partner. “If your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend seems unstable or unsavory, it might be better to stay out of the picture. In the eyes of your children, you meeting the new partner could be interpreted as a stamp of approval,” Ceely says. “You may not approve of your ex's new partner, and that's okay.”
  2. Be open to being pleasantly surprised by genuinely liking the person.
  3. Check your jealousy. “It's natural to be jealous about your ex’s new partner. But for the sake of your kids, keep your jealousy in check,” Ceely says. “Showing jealousy could create a rift between you and your kids, especially if they like your ex’s new partner. Be cordial and professional and don't embarrass your children by being jealous.”

Signs of a toxic relationship

When to tell your ex about your new boyfriend (if you choose to)

What to keep in mind …

Rules for introducing the kids to your new partner

  1. As with other co-parenting tips: You decide within yourself what your values are, and conduct yourself consistently within these values. Everything comes back to this. Be consistent. Your commitment to your own values will inform your ex how he can expect you to behave, and what is expected of him. This teaches your children the meaning of values overall, and evokes their respect and sense of security (because they know their mom is a strong and just leader). It also does men you date a favor. They are likely unsure about the kids-dating-mom rules, and look to you for what is what.
  2. For you, is dating or having a boyfriend and telling your kids about this man an earth-moving occasion requiring a NATO summit of your children’s closest inner circle? If yes, then draft a written letter informing your ex that the man you have been on six dates with will be joining you and the kids for Taco Tuesday three weeks from the following Tuesday, have the letter notarized and sent via your lawyer to his lawyer.
  3. If you don’t think it’s a big deal to intro your new boyfriend to the kids, then just introduce your boyfriend to the kids when you feel like it. Remember: The longer you wait, the bigger a deal this becomes, the more pressure mounts on him, you, the kids, and the relationship.
  4. If you have a nice, friendly and open relationship with your ex, then share your dating status with him in a way that is consistent with the rest of your dealings.

If you don’t think dating is a big deal, but know your ex will go ballistic if he finds out a man who is not him spent time in the same minivan as his children, then you should tell him. The reason is this: If you know he will go bananas about the kids meeting a man, then your kids on some level know their dad will go bananas about them meeting your man. That creates a giant tension in the family, and your kids will be inclined to choose sides, lie and protect you, their dad, and most of all, themselves.

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FAQs about dating and your ex

Can your ex control who you date?

No, and trying to do so is unacceptable unless there is a clear reason that person is a threat to your kids. 

Can you stop your ex from introducing a new partner?

It is common for parenting agreements to include a clause about how long the relationship must last before the kids are introduced, as well as that the other parent must first meet the new partner.

These clauses are bullshit.

For one, they are not enforceable in court. Let’s say your divorce or separation agreement states that you and your ex must wait 6 months before the kids meet a new partner, but your ex violates that. Are you going to haul him to court? And if so, what do you hope the judge will do?

Most likely the judge will be pissed that you are wasting her time with your control issues.

Two, this business of controlling the other parent’s dating life is messy. What if your ex starts dating a long-time neighbor the kids have known for years? Do they have to stop waving hello in the driveway until 6 months-from-the-day-they-first-had-romantic feelings? Who has time for all this minutiae?

Plus, that six-month rule is somehow supposed to increase chances that the relationship is secure before the kids are brought into the mix. Of course, there are zero guarantees about relationship stability, most especially after divorce.

Three, let’s say you do meet the new girlfriend before the kids do, and you don’t like her. Then what? You have no more control over how that situation progresses than your ex has over your new boyfriend.

Let it all go, and focus on things you can control!

Can my ex stop my child from seeing my new partner?

Any separated couple can put these sorts of rules in their divorce, separation or custody agreement — but they are rarely enforceable in a court. 

Can my ex stop a new partner moving in?

Again, a divorced or separated couple can put any kinds of rules in their custody agreement — but they are rarely enforceable in a court. 

Can my ex demand to meet my new partner?

In other words, if you and your ex have a nice relationship and chat freely and often about the goings-on in your lives, and you start dating someone and have been telling everyone else in your life about this special new person, then it would be really weird and suspicious if you didn’t tell your ex. Not that many people have that kind of relationship. Pretending you do, when you don’t, only creates problems.

Can your ex control who you date?

No, and trying to do so is unacceptable unless there is a clear reason that person is a threat to your kids.

Can you stop your ex from introducing a new partner?

It is common for parenting agreements to include a clause about how long the relationship must last before the kids are introduced, as well as that the other parent must first meet the new partner. Those clauses are not enforceable in court.

Can my ex stop my child from seeing my new partner?

Any separated couple can put these sorts of rules in their divorce, separation or custody agreement — but they are rarely enforceable in a court.

Can my ex stop a new partner moving in?

Again, a divorced or separated couple can put any kinds of rules in their custody agreement — but they are rarely enforceable in a court.


Respectfully, this article is the perfect crutch for victim-minded people who are looking to justify their bitter feelings and avoid truly moving on from their past.

It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t have to be ultra friendly but parents should absolutely be aware of, or meet the new spouse in the case where this person is consistently around the children or forging a new family life with them. Healthy parenting requires a united front.

Imagine this scenario, God forbid, your ex goes missing with the kids and you call the police. When they ask if your ex has a partner and you say yes, for many years, and they ask for their name, or telephone number and where this person lives and you have to say that you don’t know the answer to any of these questions, how does that help your kids?? This is an extreme example but being civil, not necessary friendly, helps secure a healthier and safer life for YOUR kids!!

My partner’s ex wife is so bitter that she didn’t care to know our new address when we moved in together!! She refuses to know my name. After 4 years divorce and 1 year into a new relationship, she refuses to let my partner meet the guy she’s with who’s car is in her driveway Every. Single. Time. My partner drops off his daughter. He’s asked and she constantly refuses but makes sure to make it obvious that the guy is in the house. This is sick!

People need to internalize that it’s NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!! work on your self esteem and put your big kid pants on!

Some might be reading this and thinking easier said than done but I can tell you that I did it. I licked my wounds for 2 years after he left me for someone else and today, I am in contact with the girl he left me for because she treats my child very well, and I am grateful and appreciative of that.

Love your kids more than you hate your ex, it’s that simple.

My wife left me and moved in with another man a week later, telling me it was for ‘economic’ reasons. I blindly trusted her but told her I thought it might upset and confuse our 3 and 5 year old sons. She ignored me and I found out about their romantic relationship from my oldest. Two months later they still scream and tantrum about going to moms house. I am telling them their mom my loves them, and trying to help them adjust, despite my feelings because I am a good dad. It would have been nice to hear this from her, instead of from my son while FaceTiming his mom and her boyfriend. It was a shock and led me to a breakdown in front of the kids. I got it together enough to get them to their grandparents before I was useless. So I think it depends on whether it effects the other parent and the kids.

In 2021, my husband of 12 years at that time, after just closing on a new house, left me and our two children for a family friend that he had been having a two year relationship with that I had no clue about. He wrote me a 2 1/2 page letter on how unhappy he was and just horrible things. Well, I guess the grass was not greener on the other side because not even 30 days past and he decided he wanted to come back home to try to make things work. After years of his infidelity, and trying to make it work, I put my foot down And I decided enough was enough, and I would not let him come back home. We have been separated for almost 2 years now, and in the middle of a divorce. In that time I have recently started dating someone who I really really care about. He was a friend first , and then it escalated into a beautiful romance. We love each other, but my new boyfriend is a little worried about my soon to be ex-husband because he is not stable. He was diagnosed with bipolar years ago and sometimes can be a lot to handle. My boyfriend wants to meet my kids , but he’s worried about my soon to be ex-husband’s reaction and does not want to cause any physical or mental harm to not only me and my kids but also to myself. In our divorce agreement we have it written that if we are in a relationship for at least six months and we find that we want to introduce the kids, we would also let the other parent know about the situation out of respect. I am not sure if I feel comfortable, so I’m not really sure what to do. obviously if it wasn’t for the kids, I would just move on, and it would be none of his business. But do I allow my soon to be ex-husband to hold me over a barrel and dictate my life and put fear in me ever being able to date again? I don’t know…

My Ex and I were never married, however, we do share an amazing (now teenage son). For the first 10 years, we co-parented well. We were a united front when it came to sports, schooling, religion, discipline and mutually supporting our son emotionally. We both dated throughout our co-parenting years, but it was not until he met a (not yet divorced) mother of 3 boys, and began to date her, that his attitude and behavior towards me drastically changed. All of a sudden I was being told that I was an inadequate mother, that I was doing things wrong (where he formally praised me for them) and he stopped being respectful in his communication. The tone changed, his attitude changed and he would no longer answer my calls or work through scheduling conflicts. After a few difficult years, his girlfriend, turned fiance and him, filed for full custody of our son. After a lengthy and costly battle, we were awarded 50/50 custody and he was ordered to pay child support and 50% of my attorney fees. This just fueled their anger. Now, 4 years later, we have no relationship. They continue to bash me to our mutual friends, they go out of their way to be rude and make things difficult, I am put down and berated constantly over the smallest questions, and it has taken a toll. They have since been married and due to some issues in their household, my ex and his wife have recently lost custody of her oldest son. During the ordeal, her ex and I grew close. We communicated frequently about the difficulty co-parenting with them and the manipulation of the children. We would see each other a sports events and even went to dinner once to talk about consistency in our two households to give all the boys a stable environment in our homes. Through all of this, we realized we have a lot in common. Hobbies, likes, interests, music, etc. Our friendship has now formed into romantic feelings and we have discovered a happiness between the two of us. My question is this… I can’t help but feel odd that we are both exes to the two folks that are now married and raising our kids the other half of the time (minus the eldest who lives full time with dad now). They continue to badmouth us, they do not know that we are interested in one another, but they both spoke very poorly about us even being friends and communicating. I am hopeful that their behavior will change, now that they are expecting a new child and that perhaps one day we can all be one, big, supportive blended family. Is this a pipe dream?

Leaving loaded gun easily accessible to children, 13% increase in potential harm.

Mom’s dating, 8,000% increase in potential harm.

Mothers must protect their children from harm.

Fathers must protect their children from harm.

If you’re dating, especially someone unrelated to the child, you are a child abuser.

I don’t care about my ex dating but I care about my kids to know what random person is around my children. I work in a field where children are abused regularly in various ways & if I can stop that occurring at any level by meeting and knowing the person that is around my children, I will remain ‘controlling’ in your words. I don’t want to be in my exes life at all but we have children that I care about & I don’t trust any random person being left alone with my children after the things I see.

What do you propose? That you vet each person who spends time with your children until they are age 18? Every teacher, babysitter, friend of your ex, etc.? And if you get a bad vibe, then what? Parenting requires a lot of letting go of control.

What if he moved her in without you even knowing she existed and making my son cover for him so I don’t find out???

At last someone said out loud and clear, what is the normal way to live your life after separation. Thank you!
Yes, out there are more bitter, angry mothers full of desire for revenge. They will keep telling the lies about: “Mum has to meet-approve and agree with the new partner first.“ Let them say that. They are also people who, back in school, used to tell younger kids that they have to give them their pocket money.
Bullies are bullies and will talk and act intimidating./ Will that make it right? Of course not.

What a shit article! How is it not the other parents business? I could care less who my daughters mom is with. Heck I was the one who told her to love on and be happy but to find out my daughter has been hanging out with her mew partner and not know abou it or him is outrageous. My daughters mom would flip her shit if I did that. Whoever wrote this is an irresponsible single person who know jack shit about anything. So glad I came across this garbage article. Just resolidifys why we are where we are these days.

No this is simply wrong. It is none of your business. Really truly is NONE of your business. That would be like saying you need to vet out any of the other friends you make and hang out with around your child. Or other families with kids/etc. Just because the person is the opposite sex and may have sex doesn’t mean you get to nose in that business. And that should be asserted the other way around as well.

It is 100% the business of the parent to know who his child is spending large amounts of time around. I vet every daycare, school, babysitter etc before I expose my child to them. You sound like an absolute garbage of a parent.

What a ridiculous post, my ex kept my daughter meeting her new boyfriend under wraps and told
My daughter to be silent about the situation. Guess what Daddy found out and is fuming. I am her father and out of courtesy you should inform your ex what your are proposing to do. To say men are still pining for this failed relationship is utterly ludicrous, I moved on a long time ago and am happily married. Out of courtesy I text me ex to say I was going to introduce my daughter to my new partner and I deserve the same respect. Just cause I’m not with my ex that does not mean I do not care about my daughter and what goes on in her life I am her father, I pay my way for my child and visit them regularly and to say it’s none of my business for my daughter to be introduced to a new partner is an absolute farce! My daughter felt totally uncomfortable about having to lie to me and didn’t keep in touch as much because she had this weight of pressure of her keeping quiet, whoever write this article live in the real world because it sounds like a fantasy land where you are coming from.

The article says exactly that. It says inform the ex that a new person is about to be introduced but don’t ask for permission as it is a statement out of common courtesy. So, you agree with the article actually (if you had read it without a heated head. Guessing the ex intro was very recent at the time though so I get it)

What about the toxic narcisissits who are incapable of putting the kids first, bring around a new guy every few months and force the kids to call them “dad”, elevate them to coparent status immediately and then suddenly, next visit, they’re gone and replaced with another “dad” by the following visit? Because this happened through 13 cycles of “dads” with my bonus kids and my 7 year old daughter has reactive attachment disorder BECAUSE of this very thing! Not harmful? Not our business? Bull.

So your saying it’s ok for the ex to kick a bf to the curb just to have a new one spending the night 3 weeks later? Seems as tho the girls are going to start to pick up on the fact it’s ok to have random guys in and out staying the night because mommy does it. Going to ask my attorney. Have no problem with ex dating or even introducing to a new bf but feel there should be a gap in between.

SERIOUSLY!? So…why do the kids have to be part of their mom’s dating life? Why should the new boyfriend meet the kids unless he plans to stick around? If its not a big deal as you say, then why do it at all? Kids are a big deal and being flippant about who you introduce your children to is irresponsible and unnecessary. If the new boyfriend is none of the ex’s business, why is it the kids business unless he’s going to stick? Its not about security clearance–its about the other parent knowing who is hanging around the kids. And any man who hangs out casually with his date and her kids is not right–you simply don’t hang out with children as a grown man unless their parents know who you are–if you do, and don’t introduce yourself respectfully, you might be a ‘chump.’ I don’t want chumps around my children–you? I am remarried and my wife has never hidden in the shadows like some strange weirdo hanging around my kids. She has integrity. And she did not meet my kids until we were seriously involved. I disagree with your opinion on this matter. Its not about jealousy or control–its about adults being respectful to children and being well….adults. Romantic life of a divorced parent is not the ex’s business OR a child’s business either–why should it be? Once the romance hits the kids home, how could it not be the other parent’s business?! Are you kidding me! Date, date, date and leave the kids with the other parent while you do it. You present a destructive recipe against co-parenting with your advice. Further, what are the kids supposed to do? Not tell the other parent or share stories? That creates deception and tension. The Kickass Single Mom should focus on the Mom part–Or call the book ‘The Carousing Divorcee with Kids.’ I don’t think kids need to see a line of suitors trying to ‘bag’ their mom in order to see their mom have a good time with nice people. Perhaps you could explain in your next book how one takes kids on dates anyway?–seems way odd. That’s not a date anymore–its parental substitution and absurd. You are right–you don’t have to tell the ex. And for that reason, the kids should also be spared lest they be given information which is meant to be withheld from the other parent–not cool. Divorce is between two adults. The kids never divorce either parent. Hence once you bring anything into the kids lives, the other parent is also there by association. Sorry Emma–you are off the mark on this one. You trying a kick ass single mom or a dating demon who has kids?

I agree 100%! Introductions to kids shouldn’t be made unless the adults agree that the relationship is serious with long-term potential. I’m liberal as hell, but when it comes to my son, I’m not keen on “shacking up” just because my ex is ok doing it.

I understand that not all relationships work out, I am divorced after all. But I’d like to expose my 6-year-old to as few failed romantic relationships as possible. I’m a child of divorce, and my dad dated and remarried so often that I began to become detached to his paramour du jours. I knew they’d be gone in a couple years, so what’s the point in cultivating anything?

Didn’t love this article, but to each their own I guess.

I have a 6 year old and I am quite close to my ex for my son’s sake, but we do not share intimate details about our dating life. Based on how much he is up my ass, it is unlikely he has a girlfriend. I do not believe I have to tell him anything about who I date. I couldn’t even imagine bringing a new man around my son for at least a year of dating. Since I would not introduce my son to a potential boyfriend, my son’s father does not need to know anything. I am fine with limiting my dates to times that my son is with his father. His father is also at my house a few times a week to see my son. I have gone on dates during that time with no one the wiser.

I see some triggered people commenting on this post who haven’t gone through sufficient healing from their relationships and are still struggling with control and moving on. Relationships don’t fit in a box and can’t be prescribed. Also, yes we should always place the care and well being of our children first but guess what, children are resilient and the world isn’t a perfect fairytale. Not introducing someone to your kids until it’s serious? What even is that definition? Ex partners owe nothing to those they separate from, least of all, control over who they date and how they live their life going forward. If you are still trying to control someone, you aren’t over them and have some dependency issues still. And finally, relationships of all sorts are messy, we are human beings with emotions. Maybe if we let go of the fairytale expectation of what life is and should be, we wouldn’t be so hurt over letting things go. We aren’t even promised tomorrow yet we are supposed to jail our ex spouses from enjoying love and happiness ‘because of the children’. Go live and stop holding on to something that isn’t there anymore. Your children aren’t a control weapon, THATs the real toxic dynamic in the situation. Seeing a happy parent dating someone new is not nearly as bad as the crap they are exposed to on tv, what actually happens in reality in our communities, the internet, violent video games, porn you likely watch, etc. stop fooling yourselves and move on with your life. You will be happier and so will your kids when you can let go. We only get this one life. Go live it !

That is the worst advice. The reason why you don’t introduce your child until it’s serious is due to the child’s mental health and development. Basically everything you said is against the child’s best interest.

Breaks my heart to even read it.

I agree wholeheartedly! I just wish my ex shared the same sentiments. I don’t want my children to grow up with the belief that it’s ok for adults to behave like this!
It’s destructive and irresponsible and I won’t allow anyone to be around my children who believes otherwise.

It’s this simple,if you have a child with your ex and co-parenting it is a given that you do the following.

1 Inform your ex that you are dating.
2: Introduce them to eachother at some point.
3: Let your ex know how the new partner is around his/hers child.

Imagine you were divorced having no insight into the house of your own child. Safety comes first.

Exception is if your ex is a danger to you or your child.

I find this article disgusting. The word “control” is being used very loosely. Asking your co-parent to inform you of a girlfriend/boyfriend that you are bringing around the kids is very important. It’s not controlling his/her dating life. Controlling the dating life is saying “you don’t want this person around your kids,” and “he/she can’t see him/her when he has the kids”etc. is trying to control the relationship. I am currently TRYING to co-parent with my ex and it is proven difficult. He lies to me about “NOT” having a girlfriend but then brings a girl around my children and tells my 5 year old daughter that they are just “friends” but then she witnesses the girl kiss him. How confusing is that for a 5 year old? This is not the first time she has seen him with other women and he has a tendency to not “claim” them but yet shows affection to these women in front of our child, so now she thinks it’s ok to “kiss friends” and it’s not. My ex has our children (2 & 5) every other weekend, which is basically 4 days a MONTH. He has ample time to spend time with these women before he gets our girls for the weekend. I feel like he uses our daughters to make him look good but yet he does not help with them financially at all, barely calls and didn’t even call his daughter on her bday because he had a “bad day”. We have also discussed that we will inform one another if we are dating someone seriously so that we are not hearing from the kids first that we have a boyfriend/girlfriend, yet he does the opposite and still lies to myself and our daughters. So now my daughter thinks daddy has “friends” that he kisses but not a girlfriend because “daddy said she’s just a friend.” This is why dating for both parents should be kept out of the children’s lives for a reason. There is no rush to introduce them to the kids because a child’s interpretation on how we date will set the blueprint for how they date and right now their dad is already confusing my child and May very well set a blueprint to how she functions in relationships as she gets older. Then when I am alone for the weekend he has the audacity to question who is at my house and what I’m doing and having attitudes about it and quite frankly I do not respond. I am currently dating someone but this man has not been to my house, has not been introduced to my girls, simply because I am dating him. It is none of my exs business or my children’s. If I feel like I want to start bringing him around my children, my ex would be the first to know, but until then it is none of their business. My kids don’t even know his name. When we talk into he phone it’s when the girls are sleep. There are plenty of ways to date without involving the children.

Agree this article is very dodgy, children’s best interest and Development is not considered at alll! Psychologist recommend waiting at least 9months to introduce your children to a new partner to increase the chances of your children accepting the new person and also to protect them from another potential heartbreak. To do research and try to figure out a better timing is not being controlling but using science to make better choices for my children. Also, divorce is brutal on children and if you think they don’t think is difficult to process and thus need time both with mom and dad focusing on them whenever they are sharing time together. They don’t need to deal dad’s or mom’s attention being directed towards their new flame.

I agree with all the other Righteous Father’s speaking there mind and sharing there opinion on this Horrendous and poor advised article. My ex and baby momma continues to speed to date and deliberately tries to force another guy/Simp into my son’s life with no hesitation to sleep with them and show my kid that it’s happening. She even got back with her ex for like the 5th time even after he proposed to her and got engaged a few years back that didn’t work out. It’s a laughing joke and is in my opinion child abuse and emotional abuse to date wrecklessly like she does. I’m sorry but this article is so wrong and is gonna lead to more damaged homes and children being hurt more by single moms

Question: Should you inform your ex, who is still having a difficult time dealing with the separation, that your new significant other is moving in with yourself and the kids?

Any adult that has access to my 4 year old should be known to the custodial parents. At the very minimum fathers and mothers should be telling one another who they are, there name and the interaction they have with the child.

Re: AMarie

My ex tried to talk my lawyer into putting such a clause in our custody agreement. It did not happen.

It seemed weird that he asked for it, as he moved in with me before my previous divorce was final, and often told me that what I did was not any of my ex-husband’s business. Now he wants me to agree to not have any overnight visitors until our 9 year old is 16. Which reads to me like I am only allowed to do as I like if it is what he would like me to do.

“…over at his place, check yourself. Because this is just the reality of a two-household family. He is the kids’ father, and legally he has a right to parent as he sees fit. You might not like her, or agree with his decisions, but abuse aside, you have no legal or moral right right to try to stop that.”

That’s usually not true. Most parenting plans/custody agreements have a paramour clause- that no paramour can spend the night when the children are present. I had my lawyer specifically remove that clause from mine, but it’s usually there.

That said, it’s a dumb fight to pick, but usually there is some legal ground to stand on.

Hi, how did you go about removing the morality clause? Did your ex agree with it. I didn’t realize how controlling it is until after it was finalized. It reads as if we can not move in or have anyone sleep over until we remarry again or the child is no longer at the home.

I’m wanting to have it edited, but don’t know what to do. Talk to lawyer or ex first?

This is a terrible article. Bad advice. There are many studies from psychologists that say it’s best to WAIT to introduce children. For their mental health.
This does not at all address the valid reasons parents have for their children when the other parent doesn’t put their children first, and constantly introduces other partners too soon.
I absolutely do not care that my ex is dating other women. And I don’t have to like them. What I DO care about it them staying the night with my children the first week they are dating. It was an ongoing thing. Then he started dating a women last year who MOVED IN WITH HIM after TWO WEEKS! Turns out she was pregnant. They claim it’s his but she got pregnant while she was still dating and living with her other child’s father so who knows.
I don’t care about the baby, or the dating but this was not done responsibility at all and was very confusing for my kids. They have been acting out a lot since all that and it’s really hard bc I have no control over something that is negatively effecting my kids.
It’s now been less than a year and she’s claiming my kids are her kids and she’s the step mom. None of this scenario is normal or ok.

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