The landscape of modern dating has changed drastically in the last decade. Apps once used for casual hookups are now sending more and more people down the aisle. According to eharmony, 20 percent of current committed relationships began online. eharmony is proven by studies to be the No. 1 dating site that leads to happy marriages.
What should I write in my dating profile?
As eharmony advises: “Never lie. Ever. Don’t lie about your height, age or weight: you’ll be found out soon enough. Don’t pretend to have a better job than you do, or that you’re more prepared for long-term commitment than you currently are.”
The site also warns against saying disparaging things about online dating: “Insulting the method — or the people using the method — of finding love that you’re currently giving a try is a huge turn-off,” eharmony says. “You’ll come across as condescending and judgmental. Don’t bite the hand that might be feeding you your soulmate.”
5 things you should include in your online dating profile:
- What you're looking for in terms of values and dating goals
- A glimpse into your unique personality and hobbies
- Positivity! A bio that generates laughs a plus
- Plenty of pics
- Pics of your face, without sunglasses
Tools to keep at the ready when you do make a meaningful online connection include TruthFinder, for background checks and reverse phone lookup, as well as Hushed, for an anonymous, second phone number.
But whether you’re looking for happily ever after or something more casual, you need an enticing online dating profile to attract the right people:
- What to write about yourself on your dating bio
- How to make your profile stand out
- Tinder bio examples
- Bumble bio examples
Tinder bio: Good examples for females
Tinder has 57 million active users as of 2021. A 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that men spend an average of 5.7 seconds before swiping right on the profiles they find attractive, and women spend only 3.19 seconds.
So how can you make a positive first impression in such a short amount of time?
“The key to a good profile is positivity and specificity. You want to paint a picture of who you uniquely are,” says Emyli Volz, co-founder of emlovz, a coaching and matchmaking service.
“Don’t try and appeal to the masses,” she says. “You’re only looking for one person to spend forever with. The more specific and polarizing your profile is, the better you’ll be able to get the dating app algorithms to work for you in pairing you with a deeply compatible match.”
Volz offered some examples of successful female bios she’s worked on:
Listen – I know I’m just a poor man’s Zooey Deschanel and I can’t even promise you love or sex or even affection, but I can guarantee:
- a very public Celine Dion serenade with elaborate arm choreography
- a deep-fake English accent if you’re American or absolutely nothing but shame if you’re British
- a medium-rare steak so nice it would make Ron Swanson weep
- a collection of useless pub trivia that is 72% accurate most of the time
- a conversation filled with fun and laughter
Vaccinated | ENTJ
I’m friendly, funny, nice & happy. I prioritize exercise daily & am committed to self growth/development. I enjoy spending time with family/friends, adventures, traveling, playing games, eating, etc. Ready to date seriously and find my person 😍 making sober sexy – don’t let it scare you away 🥂
What not to do: Volz says it’s important not to point out what you don’t want and to avoid speaking negatively in your Tinder bio.
Alyssa Dinnen, author of The Art of Online Dating and founder of the Style My Profile coaching service, stresses the importance of using every photo slot available on your profile and choosing quality photos.
“The more people can see of you, the better,” Dinnen says. “So if you don’t have at least five or six photos, grab a friend to take more photos.”
She says photos that most often make people swipe right are clear and show a person from the waist or shoulders up, smiling and without sunglasses on. Photos that make people swipe left are often grainy or blurry, obviously old, have someone crossed out of the photo or include a large group of people.
Dinnen occasionally posts sample dating profiles to her 30K+ followers on Instagram. She created this dating profile example for women to learn the dos and don'ts of writing a bio:
Original: I'm a mom and ophthalmologist, and in my spare time I like going to museums and coffee shops. I'm creative and motivated. Let's connect!
Upgrade: I am a sensitive person who likes to take care of others. But not to the point of being a doormat! I volunteer at the Museum of Modern Art whenever possible because I'm a frustrated artist who became an ophthalmologist. I still love to see art and paint with my daughter whenever possible. Also, I love to spend time off walking through new cities: street art and checking out hole in the wall coffee shops are my thing.
Here are some examples of other female Tinder profiles that commenters on the Everything about Tinder subreddit deemed positive:
Let's think about this, we meet up and have a great time, we date for a year then get married, have 2 kids then 5 years down the road we start fighting, both turn to alcohol, get a divorce and the kids are unhappy. OR we meet up and have a good time, hook up, you pull out and I do the walk of shame and never see you again.
Just think of the kids 🤔
Oh, and I need a date to my sisters wedding 😂
Want an anonymous phone number for dating? Hushed let's you buy a number for $25 for life. Learn more about a lifetime Hushed number now >>
Midwest lady working in Orlando. I probably swiped right if I saw motocross, animals, or cool beards.
The quickest way to my heart is through my rib cage.
❤️ Take me on an adventure. Whatever that means.
🧡 Not on here for hookups. Even though my picture is baiting you with massive exposed cleavage.
💛 Only on here for friends 💕 because that's why they invented dating apps. 💁🏼♀️
💚 I have a son and if he doesn't like your dog (who I probably swiped for) then swipe 👈
💙 If I don't respond it's because I'm not usually on here. Why do I have this app again?
💜 Will NOT respond to “hey” or “hi” or any other normal way to start a conversation
Want to see how your profile stacks up? Check out this Reddit thread that provides a checklist for a good Tinder profile, and read more about how to choose photos for a dating profile:
Bumble bio: Good examples for females
With 12 million active users, Bumble was started by one of Tinder's founders who wanted to make a more women-friendly app in which female users are the only ones who can initiate a connection. Bumble's reputation is that its users tend to be looking for a more serious commitment.
Isa Sesay, 33, of Washington, D.C., was frustrated with the pool of men she was dating when she created her first online dating profile in January 2021. Previously, Sesay had been focused primarily on her education so didn't have a lot of experience dating in general.
Sesay decided to enlist the help of dating and relationship coach Joyice Robinson to take her profiles to the next level. Robinson is the creator of Match Marry Mate, a coaching service that helps Black women successfully navigate relationships.
“My work focuses on helping Black women tap into their feminine wisdom, set standards and boundaries, negotiate needs, and master communication with men,” Robinson says.
Using a questionnaire of thought-provoking and lighthearted questions, plus a 2-hour “brain dump,” Robinson helped Sesay craft profiles on dating apps like Bumble, Hinge and OKCupid. Within hours, she had dozens of matches.
“She was able to pull out the best parts of my personality while still giving a well-rounded view of who I am as a woman,” Sesay says.
Sesay has had the most positive response on Bumble and likes its “ladies first” approach to dating. Check out her profile here:
A free-spirited vibration creating life as an authentic woman with balanced principles. I value connection and community. Conversation and reflection support my evolution yet reminds me of “my tribe.” Looking for an accountable man who is ambitious, generous, and values thoughtfulness with care.
I'm a real nerd about…
The fusion of history, culture, and cuisine electrifies my mind and soul. Do you know how mofongo and fufu are connected?
I'm known for…
Car concerts and dance breaks — they are my jam! When the beat drops my body freely moves for joy and release.
“Most men that match with me on Bumble are men I would likely talk to in real life — educated, business-minded, community-focused and visually well put together. I never see a match that I don't match with first, so naturally, I see men that I am attracted to with shared interests in my DMs, and that makes me happy.”
[Bumble also has a friendship feature —one of the best friendship apps.]
Robinson says Sesay’s profile is successful because it includes what she likes to call the four Vs:
- Vulnerability: She confesses how things make her feel.
- Vision statement: She tells prospects what she wants.
- Values: She is clear on what is valuable to her.
- Visualization: The language in her profile tells the same story as the pictures she’s using.
“Dating profiles should be attractive and inviting. Being vulnerable and declaring your personal values invites prospects to desire to know you more as a person,” Robinson says. “Creating vision and visualization attracts prospects to be more curious about who you are as a woman. The secret sauce is a woman's ability ‘to be' and to create.”
Another one of Robinson's clients says she's noticed a big change in the quality of matches since she revamped her profile.
“In my profile, my hint at a basketball or baseball game as a great date is the best conversation starter,” she says. “Men are reading my profile, and I'm attracting the NICEST men! They are thoughtful, very interested in me and inquire about my likes and hobbies. And the best part is that they take me out on fun dates where I can be my authentic self and have a wonderful time.”
Check out her profile:
My roots are in the best beaches of the most beautiful West African country; the sound of ocean waves mixed with afrobeats is my happy place. Bonus if you guess the right country 🤩. Looking for a kind and ambitious dance partner who is up for a dope time at a Silk Sonic concert.
I get way too excited about…
Going to live sporting events. I love the energy I feel at a Wizards or Nats game. Even better when I'm with a fun date.
I'm a great +1 because….
I turn heads in skirts and shorts, I know how to laugh at myself; dancing is my super power, and I value fun, freedom, and community.
If you want to see a guy’s perspective on what makes a good Bumble profile — as well as dating red flags — read through this Reddit thread:
Interested in checking out other dating sites and apps? Here are some dating app reviews:
|Elite Singles||Adult Friend Finder||Bumble|
|Plenty of Fish||OKCupid||Christian dating apps|
|Catholic dating sites|
What to write about yourself on a dating site profile
Gah! This can be so overwhelming. Worse than a resume or LinkedIn profile. Here’s what our experts say about dating profile decorum:
“Keep it short,” says Sandra Schwartz, founder of HerNorm.com, which helps women understand men. “If you put everything about you on your profile, there might not be anything interesting left to say when you decide to talk to each other personally. Just highlight the important things.”
Also, make sure to let them know what you are looking for, says certified sex educator Suzannah Weiss. “You want a line about what you’re looking for so that you can weed out people who aren’t looking for the same thing,” Weiss says. “It doesn’t have to be as direct as looking for a relationship, though it can be. But try painting a picture of the kind of relationship you want — for example, looking for someone who will go hiking with me then snuggle under the covers afterward or looking for someone to co-parent a cat with. You can also make it easy for people to ask you out by suggesting a date activity in your bio.”
Examples of what to write about yourself on a dating site
Says Schwartz: “The shorter introduction the better as it leaves your reader more curious about you. For instance, you can say:
“Founder of a website. Yoga enthusiast. Loves traveling to different and far away places. What’s your story?”
Relationship coach Michelle Devani agrees and offers this sample dating profile:
Four things I couldn’t live without:
My iPhone, my face mask and shield, my best friend, and of course cocktails.
What do my friends say about me?
Romantic, caring, passionate, creative, and friendly.
The three things I’m most thankful for:
1) Getting to travel to countries I love visiting.
2) My great friends and loving family.
3) Doing a job that I love.
This is from Starbuck’s own dating profile:
I love love love my work as a collaborative writer, helping others tell
their amazing stories. Seriously, best job ever. (Athletes, entertainers,
overcomers…) I’m grateful for my beautiful community (ask me!) & I have a lot of energy for life. I love being active outside for a few hours each day—walking, skating, swimming. Have I done standup? Yeah … I have. Was I recently recruited to do roller derby? Also yes. (Still deliberating this one … because not being injured is my favorite.) I try to love folks on the world’s margins the way Jesus did. Wall of heroes in our kitchen includes Jesus, MLK Jr., Oscar Romero, Bree Newsome, and Colin Kaepernick. I’m looking for character and for someone who’s giving back. And he’ll be a man of faith.
Why you should include your income in your dating profile
While we’re being honest, be open about your income, too.
After a divorce, I’ve been single for five years, actively dating for four. When I first ventured out into the new-again world romance, I omitted my income on dating apps.
Well, for all the usual reasons: It is considered impolite to talk about money. I didn’t want to come across as being obsessed about a guy’s income. And, because my income is high, I didn’t want to scare off potential suitors.
But some months into my dating venture I found that I wasn’t meeting guys I really dug — and that includes many qualities, including that they are professionally ambitious.
I am 38 years old, and usually, date men my age and older. And in middle age, if you aren’t established or very well on your way in your career, the likelihood that is going to do an about-face is slim.
I’m not looking for a guy with many millions of dollars, and in fact prefer to date someone with a similar financial picture as my own, as I find we have more in common (see below).
My career is important to me, and I identify best with men who feel the same. Being financially stable usually comes with professional accomplishment, even if the guy may earn less than me.
And so in the right-hand column of my OKCupid profile that highlights the key personal details, I changed my status from blank, to my six-figure income. Almost immediately I started meeting very interesting men. Lots of them.
This last point was of interest to my friend Farnoosh Torabi, the financial expert and author of the fascinating When She Makes More: The Truth About Navigating Love and Life for a New Generation of Women (the paperback of which was recently released).
Torabi advocates for high-earning women to disclose their finances early in a relationship, in an act of transparency that allows for any resentment to be worked through early in the courtship.
After all, the chances of divorce in couples where the women earn more than their husbands is double that when the inverse is true.
Why high-income women should include their salaries on dating sites:
1. Sharing openly about my income says a whole lot about me — including that I’m not in the market for a sugar daddy. Torabi writes:
Emma Johnson disclosed her income in her online dating profile after not finding guys she was interested in to date. As soon as she disclosed her six-figure income, quality men started to contact her. “I’m a single mom and freelance writer,” she told me. “If that doesn’t scream poverty, I don’t know what does.”
2. Successful middle-aged men are usually divorced, paying alimony, and really, really upset about it (including the very progressive, feminist ones I hang out with). I told Torabi:
“The divorced guys I date love the fact that I’m financially independent because they’re so angry that their ex-wives stayed at home, so angry they’re paying alimony. In their opinion they think, ‘She was lazy. I wanted her to get a job. I didn’t want her to stay at home.’ ”
3. Take shame out of the equation. You are professionally successful, so why hide it? Of course, if a guy is threatened by your success …. I don’t even need to finish that sentence.
4. If you’re passionate about your career, you want to discuss business with your partner. The man I’m dating now is also independently employed. One of the main things we connect on is business, which I find incredibly hot.
5. Successful guys like to talk about work and business with successful people. Including women. Including women they date. See above. Flip the equation. Not rocket science dating advice.
6. Take one for the team. Yes, there is still a contingent of successful men who are truly intimidated by high-earning women, and openly seek a homemaker with a low IQ they can manipulate. More commonly, I find, are men who are quite progressive and respect women of all incomes, and are perhaps unconsciously influenced by centuries of socializing that makes them squirm at the notion they may be the lesser earner in a relationship.
In the spirit of pushing the tide forward, I say: Ladies, include in your profile your real income. Do not hesitate to share your professional success. Do it for yourself. And do it for women everywhere.
How do I make my dating profile stand out?
Margot Starbuck, author of Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating, says just being yourself makes you stand out. “Too many women write in their profiles that they love their dog, and the beach, and pumpkin spice latte. Nope! That vanilla profile sounds exactly like every other profile men are reading,” Starbuck says. “The very best thing you can share in your profile is what makes you uniquely you. That’s the big win. Do you march for environmental issues? Have you been one of Beyonce’s backup dancers? Did you dress up like Wonder Woman for Halloween? Do you paint murals on buildings? Did you knit a sweater for Shaquille O’Neal? It doesn’t have to be flashy, it just has to be different than what thousands of other women are saying.”
Schwartz suggests getting dating site users’ attention with action photos: You playing a sport, in a unique travel destination, or playing a musical instrument. “That can be a great conversation starter,” she says.
Examples of how to introduce yourself on a dating site
Not sure how to break the ice with your matches?
Robinson says an easy way to introduce yourself on a dating site is to use content from the person’s profile to connect.
“If I read on a man's profile that he's a Knicks fan, I would use that to let him know what interests me and also to inform that match that I read his profile,” Robinson says. “And that is gold in the dating app world!”
She offered this example:
Looks like we're a match, (insert name). Last night the Knicks put on one hell of a show! 110-75… just wow! Are you still basking in the glory? Or do you like to keep it humble?
Once the conversation starts flowing, it might be tempting to dive into potential deal breakers — topics like income, kids, living situation, etc. But Robinson believes people should instead focus on learning each other’s personal values — what traits they’re looking for in a partner and what things are most important to them.
“Many times, my clients (and their matches) learn that the gems are in a person's why,” Robinson says. “Personal values allow us to explore why with the proper balance of empathy and assessment.”
She says this approach can help two people decide whether or not their values align and if they want to move forward.
Another key step in developing a connection — either physical, emotional, or spiritual — is doing some research about the other person, whether it’s a full background check or something less formal.
“In some cases, it makes sense to conduct a formal background check from the very beginning because of high-profile jobs, small children, or peace of mind,” Robinson says. “It is also fair to say that in our digital era, most people are gathering some informal background intel on you even if it's just a Google or social media search.”
What is your experience? Does being specific about your income help or hurt your online dating prospects? Do you run a background check on people you meet online? Share in the comments!
According to Megan Starbuck, “The very best thing you can share in your profile is what makes you uniquely you. That’s the big win. Do you march for environmental issues? Have you been one of Beyonce’s backup dancers? Did you dress up like Wonder Woman for Halloween? It doesn’t have to be flashy, it just has to be different than what thousands of other women are saying.”