scroll top

Mention the fatherless epidemic in the United States, and the arguments are polarizing. We hear things like “Father refuses to see child” or “Father not involved in child’s life.” These issues can be especially thorny during the holidays.

It’s easy to fall into stereotypes about deadbeat or indifferent dads, but I discovered the issue is quite complicated:

Father not involved in child’s life? A look into why fathers walk away after divorce

Why do fathers give up?

How can a father walk out on his child?

A father's experience with parental alienation

Bottom line: Father not involved in child’s life? Try to make co-parenting work.

Father not involved in child’s life? A look into why fathers walk away after divorce

It is either:

  1. Men are irresponsible douchebags who abandon their children to mothers, who are left to raise the children with few resources, or …
  2. Women are conniving, malicious, entitled nut-jobs who alienate fathers from their children while taking all said fathers' money — all of which is supported by the family court system.

However, as we unpack in this article, the real reasons are more complicated, complex and human. Men after all, are marginalized as inferior or at least secondary parents, a fact that is codified in family court when mothers are nearly always granted primary time with children — a power position that means men and dads are officially a lesser parent. 

Read: My advice to moms and dads whose other parent is not involved

Why do fathers give up?

This post challenges a cultural assumption that men willingly walk out on their children and are irresponsible, apathetic parents. Instead, we all suffer under a sexist culture and legal system that marginalizes fathers, and makes it hard if not impossible for them to be meaningfully involved with their children, for reasons including:

  • Sexist culture that does not value or support dads, or prime boys to grow up to expect to be involved, meaningful parts of their children's lives
  • Family and divorce courts that favor mothers=
  • Parental alienation, in which one parent turns the kids against the other parent
  • One dad's compelling story about why he doesn't see his kids (keep reading)
  • Many dads don't believe the child is theirs or were tricked into fatherhood, or otherwise felt they did not decide to father the child.

853 reader comments and counting on this post tell a story about how prevelant fatherlessness is, how passionate people feel about its reasons and results — and how varied and nuanced those reasons can be.


Looking for your kid's dad, but not sure where to start?

Background check tools like TruthFinder can be free or affordable ways to find people you have lost touch with — or never knew.

TruthFinder has an A+ BBB rating.


How can a father walk out on his child?

After studying this issue for the four years I've had this blog, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced. Men walk out on their child for many reasons, including:

  • They never wanted to be a dad in the first place but were trapped 
  • They have been marginalized by our culture and court system to every-other-weekend parents, which is more painful than walking away and starting a new life that promises more joy 
  • Conflict with the child’s mother is too difficult to navigate 
  • They feel unworthy of parenthood, and feel like walking away is the best thing for the child 
  • The father never had a strong father figure, does not feel competent as a dad nor understand how important his role is.

Not sure where your child's father is — or you are looking for your dad? TruthFinder offers background checks, reverse phone lookup, address and phone number search. A+ rating on the BBB.

A father's experience with parental alienation

What I haven't reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children's lives.

These stories resonate with me, as they have challenged my earlier, blind admonishments that every parent has a moral obligation to fight for their children, no matter what.

I still believe this, but I also believe in empathy, and for recognizing each other's humanity.

Here is one story from a reader, John G:

Point of view from a dad who doesn't see his child

From my own experiences, I believe it's widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings.

During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supervised visitation.’

None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney.

However, it was still a waste of time and money. Even after the divorce, the games continued.

My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?) and being instructed to call me by my first name and not ‘dad.’ I grew tired of making phone calls that weren’t answered, or of being put on hold and the child not coming to the phone, and of canceled visits.

It was heartbreaking seeing the child slip away from me, little by little.

I went to court on several occasions. There is the assumption that the man will just sit there and take the abuse because he does not want to lose the child.

She stuck by the letter of the law, and was able to severely limit my contact with my son by way of orders of protection and maintaining to the courts that he was a ‘danger.’

Related: This is the real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids

Orders of protection as divorce strategy

Of the divorced, professional men that I know, all of them had orders of protection against them by their wives.

This is even a problem that is recognized by the courts. Some attorneys go so far as to admit that the ‘afraid for my safety’ issue is part of the ‘gamesmanship of divorce.’ I went from the mindset of being a father to the child, to being reduced to the status of a ‘visiting uncle’ or a ‘Disneyland dad’ allied with thinking all the time like an attorney.

I was often worried what would happen if she started to make untrue claims that I had (for example) abused the child. When he fell over and scraped his arm when he was with me, I was advised by my attorney to go to all the trouble of going to the doctor, having the scrape bandaged and so on, just to legally cover myself in case she would claim that it had in fact been intentionally caused.

While on the lookout for anything that could be used against me, all the while constantly being told I was a bad person, a bad father, and all my involvement with my son was systematically stripped away. The whole process became a painful sham.

Where to find the best, affordable life insurance for single moms (no medical exam)

Father refuses to see his child? Not quite …

I eventually reached a crossroads with four paths. Some men commit suicide because they can’t handle the anguish. Others resort to violence and anger against the ex-wife. Others take the difficult road, and sacrifice years of their happiness, battling on a hopeless battle with the ex, just to maintain some sort of contact with the kids. The fourth way, is to simply give up, and decide that the cost to the child through seeing the conflict, and to oneself, is too high.

I considered all the above paths for a long time and was tempted by more than a few of them. In the end, I walked away from all contact with my child more than two years ago.

What to do when the non-custodial parent doesn't show up or cancels last minute

Mother keeping child away from father

After I had calmed down, I tried again and contacted the ex. I had hoped she would have calmed down and would be willing to work with me.

But no, she is still the same bitter and vengeful baggage that she always was. Rather than attempting to discuss things and put things on the right track, she is willing to communicate in writing only.

She refuses point blank to let me contact the child. Everything has to go through her.

Some people will say it would be the noblest thing to carry on fighting regardless. ‘I would do anything for my kids!’ they spout.

Frankly, I feel that’s very naive and is almost always a view propagated by women.

Any father here who has been generously granted a weekend every two weeks knows the feeling when you say goodbye.

You’re just getting used to having them around, and they are gone. It’s like having a wound that never heals. Like a band-aid being ripped off over and over. The pain never really went away.

During those days, I used to recall these lines from Shakespeare's King John:

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,

Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,

Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,

Remembers me of all his gracious parts,

Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;

Logically, I have to balance the damage to myself, my life and mental health, the possibility of the conflict damaging the child, against the damage done by my absence.

People who don’t know the situation raise their hands in horror, or pass judgment, assume that this is a choice that is taken lightly and easily. It is not.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. Sometimes I see children in shops that look like my child and find it hard not to break down.

Sometimes I can’t take my eyes away. Even the shoes are the same. I don’t like to watch movies with children of that age in them.

I had to remove all the photographs that I had of my child and every other item and put them in a box. And that’s where all those emotions are now.

In a box, held tightly under control, so that I can try and enjoy some semblance of a normal life. It usually works.

I spoke to my ex recently. She claims that the child is just fine. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m needed and believes that my seeing the child is a bad thing.

She told me that the gifts I had been sending postally were in a box and he never got them. What is the point of trying? Who am I to argue?

She lives with the kid and does the real parenting. All that I could do, once a month or less (she lives a long way from me) would be to visit for a shallow shared visit, a museum trip perhaps – that’s not parenting – that’s just being a Disneyland dad.

I am in despair that many people and the courts expect the impossible. They expect the man to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child’s life – and yet – they make it impossible for that involvement to happen.

How can you remain interested and involved when you are given no information about the child’s everyday life, when even the most basic contact is made difficult or impossible, when you are limited to four days a month contact time if you are lucky?

In far too many cases, the father is merely viewed as a source of income.

The mother is viewed as the ‘real parent’ who almost always gets physical custody of the child. And once she has the child, she is then almost entirely free of the threat of any consequences.

Related: What is parental alienation?

Impact on a child’s life when a father isn’t involved

This is a great shame for the children involved who will probably be involved in divorces of their own or be afraid of marriage because they have seen the consequences when they fail.

I shouldn’t be surprised if more and more men eschew marriage and traditional family values over the next century.

Personally, I refuse to be blackmailed by my better instincts. I refuse to be reduced to the level of a Disneyland dad by some judge, attorney, social worker or indeed his mother.

I refuse to beg for access, or beg for photographs, or ask permission when I can please take him on vacation.

No. They will have no more of me.

One day, I will be able to get in touch without going through her once the child is old enough. Until then, I intend to get on with my life.

Please listen to Terry Brennan, co-founder of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, explain why default every-other-weekend visitation leads to absentee fathers:

Note that in cases where ‘standard’ visitation is awarded — every-other-weekend — fathers become depressed and non-involved, and within 3 years, one study found, 40 percent of children in an unequal visitation arrangement had lost complete touch with their non-custodial parents, which are nearly always the father.

Have a listen:

Bottom line: Father not involved in child’s life? Try to make co-parenting work.

If you are tempted to turn your child against the other parent, or not sure what is the best kind of parenting time arrangement, keep it simple, and equal. In fact, there are now more than 60 studies that prove that equally shared parenting is best for children (and, moms and dads!).

While we're at it, have a read about why a simple, fair 50-50 shared parenting time with no child support is the best, fairest, and most feminist arrangement.

To prevent this kind of trauma, here are some tips to how to make co-parenting work:

  • Accept that mothers and fathers are equal. This is a gender equality issue
  • Accept that just because the other person doesn't parent like you do, that is not abuse.
  • Let him fail, succeed and find his own parenting style. Many dads become better fathers after divorce because they have to.
  • When communicating with him, use ‘your house' and ‘my house' … not ‘Home.' Same when you address the kids – “daddy's house” and “my house.” Both places are their homes..
  • Keep him posted on matters large and small. Even if he doesn't show up for the teacher meetings, or make the doctors’ appointments, keep him abreast of what is happening with the kids.
  • Buy him holiday and birthday presents on behalf of the kids.  

But the bigger challenge is to change our culture, from one in which it is presumed that fathers are incompetent, and mothers are the default primary parent. Terry Brennan of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, and an equality activist. Listen to our podcast conversation:

For more on co-parenting communication, and reasons for better shared parenting, read: Co-parenting rules–even with a difficult ex

What do you think? Are you a dad who no longer sees his kids? Why? Please share in the comments …

Or, are you the mother of a child with an absentee father? What is your response?

Why do fathers give up?

This post challenges a cultural assumption that men willingly walk out on their children and are irresponsible, apathetic parents. Instead, we all suffer under a sexist culture and legal system that marginalizes fathers, and makes it hard if not impossible for them to be meaningfully involved with their children.

How can a father walk out on his child?

After studying this issue for years, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced, and there is plenty of legitimate room for both of these points of view. What I haven't reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children's lives.

The most recent National Retail Federation survey found that the average family with K-12 students spent $8751 on school supplies in 2024. 

While inflation continues to increase the prices of everyday items, including common school supplies, there are a number of ways and resources to find discounted or free school supplies in your area.

Keep reading to learn everything you need to know about the places to get free school supplies in 2024.

Where to find free back to school supplies in your area

Where to find free back to school supplies online

Where to find inexpensive school supplies

Where to find free back to school supplies in your area

To start, search Google for “free school supplies near me” to find out what resources are available in your community:

Connect with the following resources for free back-to-school supplies:

google-maps-usa-image

Check with your child’s school district for free school supplies

Your child’s school, school district, or local board of education are great places to begin your search. Reach out to your child’s teacher, principal, or guidance counselor to ask what help is available for students in your district.

In Monongalia County, W.Va., for example, a principal started an annual back-to-school giveaway where students could get books, backpacks, school supplies, and clothing, among other items.

The Salvation Army

Salvation Army branches often partner with local or national retailers to provide new school supplies for K-12 students. 

Find your local Salvation Army’s website to see if any donation drives or back-to-school events are planned:

google-maps-usa-image

United Way

The United Way is a network of nonprofits that connect people with the resources they need. Some United Way locations hold back-to-school drives to help students in need get free school supplies.

For example, the Minnesota-based United Way of 1000 Lakes collects donations and recruits local volunteers to help with its annual “Stuff the Bus” school supplies event. Volunteers organize and stuff free backpacks with supplies for distribution to students at local schools. 

Contact your local United Way for similar events in your area:

google-maps-usa-image

Boys & Girls Club of America

Young girls and boys leave from school holding folders and carrying their backpacks. The Boys and Girls Club of America provide free supplies to students with the help of volunteers.

Boys & Girls Clubs of America locations partner with local organizations and volunteers to provide free supplies for students. Last year, the organization partnered with a variety of retailers in its Back2School campaign.

Find your local Boys & Girls Club online to learn how you can free school supplies for your student this year:

google-maps-usa-image

Community Action

Community Action Agencies work with community leaders and volunteers to help local communities. That includes making sure every child in the community has the proper supplies before school starts. These locally run agencies receive aid from a number of sources, including the federal Community Services Block Grant, which provides funds to help communities combat poverty.

Government programs

Check with your state’s Human Services agency and Department of Social Services (DSS) to inquire about upcoming back-to-school drives for K-12 students. These offices will often sponsor or partner with other agencies to collect donated school supplies and give them to students in need.    

How to prepare for a recession and survive this year

Back to School Brigade (Operation Homefront)

Operation Homefront is a nonprofit supporting military families. Through its annual Back-to-School Brigade program, eligible children of armed forces service members receive free backpacks and school supplies. 

Eligible children are:

  • Dependents of military personnel
  • Enrolled in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS)
  • In kindergarten through 12th grade

These supplies are first-come, first-serve. You must register to take part in the Back-to-School Brigade program. 

To register, select your state and choose “Back-to-School Brigade” as the event type on the Operation Homefront website. Click on your nearest event to access the registration.

Kids in Need Foundation

The Kids in Need Foundation supports underserved communities by supplying teachers and students with free school supplies. Schools with 70% or more of students participating in the National School Lunch Program (NSLP) get preference.

Supplies are distributed by Kids in Need Foundation’s network of over 40 resource centers. To get free supplies, check to see if there is a resource center near you.

Local churches and community centers

Google “churches near me” or “community centers near me” to find a list of churches and centers that may offer free school supplies in your area. You can call and inquire about any services they offer. 

Even if they don’t directly host school supply drives, they might be able to point you in the direction of local organizations that do.  

Local law enforcement and firefighter groups

Police departments, volunteer fire organizations, and law enforcement groups such as the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) frequently spearhead community events that help children. Check with your local police and fire stations about upcoming back-to-school drives for free school supplies.

Local food bank

Some food banks and pantries not only collect food donations, but often school supplies and clothing for children. Even if they do not directly offer free school supplies, food banks often have relationships with other community service organizations that can help.

Feeding America is the largest national food bank resource. To locate a food bank near you, use Feeding America’s search tools.

Some food banks and pantries operate within school systems. Try contacting your public school system to learn about affiliated food banks and pantries. 

In the news

Watch the news or pick up your local newspaper to learn about back-to-school events. You can also look online for the digital versions of newspapers, although some might require a subscription to access. Community magazines and bulletins are also great places to check. 

Google “local news city state” (add your city and state) to get a list of local news outlets. For example, “local news Austin TX” or “local news New York NY” will show you TV news stations and newspapers that cover your area.

Where to find free back to school supplies online

Here are three online resources to find free school supplies:

Buy Nothing Project

Buy Nothing Project is a free app with 5.33 million members operating in 44 countries. Membership is free, but donations are encouraged to keep the platform free of ads. 

As a member, you can ask for items you need (such as school supplies). If other members respond, you can claim the supplies by making arrangements to pick them up. Just exercise caution and meet in a public place.

Facebook Marketplace

Facebook Marketplace is a place for people to list their unwanted items to other Facebook users. To see free items, you can navigate to “Free Stuff” and do a search for school supplies. Not all listings will be free, and some may require shipping.

If you have a Facebook account, you can also access the Groups feature and search for “buy nothing groups city state” (add your city and state) to search for and request free school supplies. Parenting groups are also a great place to find free school supplies.

Of course, you can also make a post on your own profile asking for school supplies. It’s a quick way to let your network know what your children need. You might be surprised how many people are willing to help out. 

Freecycle.org

Freecycle is a free membership community with 10 million+ members. Once you sign up, you'll be able to join your local community group. Post the school supplies you need, or browse what people are offering. Then, make arrangements to pick up the free items locally.

Freebie Alerts

The Freebie Alerts app, available on the App Store and Google Play, sends you a notification every time your neighbors are giving away free stuff, like school supplies. 

The app monitors:

  • Facebook Marketplace
  • Nextdoor
  • OfferUp
  • TrashNothing

You can choose to receive alerts from all or some of these sources of free stuff. 

If you want specific items, you can use the whitelist feature to notify you of offers with certain keywords. When you want an item, just tap on it in the app to communicate with the person giving it away. You can also post items you would like to give away.

Where to find inexpensive school supplies

If you’re looking for specific items for school, here are the top places to buy low-cost school supplies:

Goodwill

Find your local Goodwill store and ask about its annual back-to-school sale. Many stores offer a discount on clothing, as well as school supplies to help students get ready for school in the fall. You can also shop Goodwill online and ship items for as low as $0.01.

Yard sales

Weekends are a great time to look for local yard sales. You can drive around your neighborhood to look for posted signs or try online sources like Craigslist.org and GarageSaleFinder.com to find upcoming yard sales in your area.

Dollar Tree

Although everything doesn't cost a dollar, items are $1.25 or less. Dollar Tree offers a variety of school supplies, including scissors, glue, notebooks, and pencils, and you can also shop online in bulk. 

Walmart

Walmart is known for its discounted prices. You can shop in-store or online to get deals on everything your child needs to get ready for school. Walmart also works with some school districts to compile back-to-school lists so you won't miss anything your teacher requests.

More free resources:

Help for single moms: 16+ resources$500 monthly single mom grant
Free laptopsScholarships for single moms
Free carFree Christmas gifts
Free smartphoneBest jobs moms can do from home
Free wifiFree and low-cost prescriptions
Free formulaFree clothes
Free toysGovernment assistance for single moms
Free gasFree daycare
Free preschoolFree prescription glasses
10+ charities that help single mothersTutoring and homework help
Health insuranceFree food
Low-income home loansFree or cheap dental care
Free gift cardsFree money for bills

SOURCES

  1. National Retail Federation, Back-to-School expenses https://nrf.com/research-insights/holiday-data-and-trends/back-school/back-class-data-center

Dear Emma,

When my daughter was six months old, her dad left and more or less never showed up again. There were a few visits for a few years, and a couple of visits to family court for child support, but since then we have not heard or seen from him. My daughter is now 8 years old.

We don't talk about it much and I feel like it isn't such a huge deal. She is a great kid — does well in school, has lots of friends and is polite. We are close with my parents and siblings, who live nearby. I am glad that I get her all to myself and don't have to share custody like some of my divorced friends. Sometimes people say things to me like, “I feel so bad for her that she doesn't know her father.” She never mentions her dad, and I feel like she doesn't care. She doesn't know any different. What should I tell all these rude people who judge our situation?

— Shannon

Dear Shannon,

I’m not worried about your rude neighbors. I am worried about you and your daughter.

Absentee fatherhood is a huge, complicated problem in this country. Incarceration, a culture and family court system that presumes fathers are incompetent, and other lack of support for shared parenting are among the causes for the fact that just 22 percent of fathers who don’t live with their kids see them once per week or more, according to Pew Research, and nearly a third never see their kids.

This, of course, is heart-breaking for your child, and stressful for you as a single mom.  If your child’s dad is not, or marginally involved, there are a few guiding principles for addressing your child’s concerns and questions.

Father not involved in child’s life? What do you do?

What to say to your child when his dad is not involved

What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

If a father doesn’t want to be involved, is this child abandonment or fatherlessness?

Absent father now wants contact: What to do

Movies and books on absent fathers and shared parenting

Choose From Paternity Lab's Popular DNA Tests

Father not involved in child’s life? What do you do?

Every family is different, but here are some things to consider:

Work on co-parenting

If there is some communication, take the opportunity to improve co-parenting. Men are typically marginalized as secondary parents, and statistically likely to duck out of their kids’ lives if they have limited visits and a high-conflict relationship.

How to co-parent, even with a toxic ex

Types of co-parenting

Why 50/50 parenting is best for kids

Out now from Sourcebooks:

The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier and Healthier after a Split

by Emma Johnson

Cover of The 50/50 Solution book by Emma Johnson.

Featured in Newsweek, MSN, Slate.

Face your own anger at your kids' father

You may be angry that he gets to check out and expects you to take on the extra responsibility. That is a legit complaint! You may consider taking him to family court and demanding an equal parenting schedule. 

Missing dads are always an issue

But don’t pretend there is no issue. You, your child, and together as a family you may benefit from individual therapy or group therapy.


Looking for your kid's dad, but not sure where to start?

Background check tools like TruthFinder can be free or affordable ways to find people online you have lost touch with — or never knew.

TruthFinder has an A+ BBB rating.


What to say to your child when his dad is not involved:

1. Be honest. Don’t say he died if he didn’t. Never say “He’s working far away.” Your child deserves the truth, even if it is painful for both of you to address.

2. Be kind, and keep your feelings out of it. “Being a parent is really hard for some people, and your dad wasn’t ready to be a parent yet.”

3. As you will do in your relationship with your child’s father, as well as in your own heart, you will keep the door open to future, improved relationships. At the same time, be very careful not to nurture false hope in your child. It’s a tough balance, but an important one. Note in the “yet” in the sample script above.

4. Answer all their questions. “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” or “We don’t talk about that in our family.” These create the notion of secrets, and secrets foster shame, self-hatred, and lack of trust.

5. Highlight the fact that there are all kinds of families, and every family is whole. Even if it feels silly, as you go through your day, or are watching movies or TV, point out gay families, interracial families, kids being raised by grandparents, multigenerational households, friends who live together, foster and adoptive families, how some groups of friends create families, and on and on. Then, name the people in your family — blood relatives, friends, your neighborhood network. Do this enough and nuclear, married, straight families start to seem like the weirdoes!

6. That said, do not dismiss or minimize pain that a child experiences by his father being absent from his life. It might be really, really hard to hear, but listen. It sucks to feel like you’re the only kid at school whose dad isn’t around. It hurts like hell when your birthday comes around and your father doesn’t call. You worry you did something wrong, or you’re unlovable, or deeply flawed — no matter how great your mom and life are.

My father was mostly not part of my life after age 8, and there was no space for me to talk about it. Growing up with my mom, I heard no positive stories about my father, and no space for any of us to ask questions, or to share hurt feelings about the matter. The few times I remember asking about my dad, I was just reminded of how good our life was, which only made me feel stupid and selfish for feeling so horrible for not having an involved father.

I think my mom felt really bad about the situation, and didn’t know how to deal with her own feelings, much less her kids’. Fast-forward to today, after plenty of therapy and other ways of processing my daddy issues, I now find myself answering my children’s questions about why they don’t know their paternal grandfather. While your son or daughter is not your bartender, talking with your child openly can be a wonderful way to heal your own heart, too.

7. Do not always wait for your child to ask. For many reasons, your child may not bring up the fact that her father isn’t part of her life. It is up to you to talk about it very early, even earlier than you may think reasonable. One day, when my daughter came home from school and said, “Today Sofia talked about how both our parents are divorced.” She was 3! Even as a toddler your child sees her friends with two parents. Movies and TV shows and books are powerful messages, consisting almost always of a mother and father. It is your responsibility to address this, even if she doesn’t initiate the discussion.

8. Remember: Life is long. The questions will continue throughout your life, and each conversation at each age will lend new perspective and healing for both you, your child, as well as your relationship with each other.

Choose From Paternity Lab's Popular DNA Tests

What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Often, articles and even academic studies cite that 1-in-4 kids grow up fatherless, even though that figure is based on U.S. Census data that a quarter of children in the United States are raised in a home led by a single mother. However, most of those kids have a relationship with their dads, including in 50-50 time-sharing families. 

However, a lack of meaningful involvement with either parent is often devastating to a child—especially if that parent is alive, and ostentibally able to be involved if he chooses. 

Based on an analysis of dozens of studies, the federally funded Fatherhood Initiative reports that a child who grows up without meaningful time with his or her father, that child is more likely to struggle with:

  • Poor academic performance 
  • Emotional struggles 
  • Drop out 
  • Early sexual activity and teen pregnancy 
  • Incarceration 
  • Employment, long-term 
  • Mental and physical health issues 

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Alternatively, adults with a fear of abandonment may lack boundaries and be overly needy and dependent in an attempt to protect themselves.

When a parent is absent from a child’s life — no matter by choice, imprisonment or death — it is a loss. It is a loss for that child and a loss for those who love her.

Your child may ask you:

“Who is my dad?”

“How is my dad?”

“How old is my dad?”

“Where is my dad?”

“Where can I find my dad?”

“Why is my dad so mean?”

“Is my dad dead?”

We are all socially conditioned and predisposed with a deep need to know both our mother and our father. Socially, it is easy to understand that the majority of people grow up living with both a mother and a father — and nearly everyone else knows both parents. That is the norm. Your daughter is very aware that her family does not look like other families. She understands deeply that most of her friends have relationships with their dads and she does not.

We are biologically half our mothers and half our fathers. Humans have an intrinsic need for family. We yearn to know our relatives so that we can better know ourselves. When we are raised apart from our families, homelands and extended cultures, there is a sense of loss that transcends our daily experience.

This explains why people who are adopted are compelled to find their birth parents — no matter how wonderful their adoptive families. This also explains why humans are driven to visit their ancestral homelands, even when they are removed from the place by generations. This is why companies like DNA mapping companies 23andMe.com and Ancestry.com are so successful, and genealogy is among the most popular hobbies in the United States — and world.

Not every person will know both their parents. This is a fact. This does not mean that your daughter does not have a fantastic life, or that she is a wonderful child who will grow up to be a happy, productive and lovely adult.

But that does not mean that the process will be easy.

Before you can support your child, you must address your own loss and grief.

When your ex-husband left and abandoned your daughter, he also abandoned you — both as a husband but more to the point here, as a co-parent. You also suffered a loss in that you do not have someone to help raise your daughter — even if it means separately, as divorced parents. You do not have anyone to enjoy their sweet habits, or commiserate on the daily challenges of parenthood. You do not enjoy a happy co-parenting arrangement that gives you a break. Most of all, you suffer because deep down you know that your daughter is hurt. That, for any mother, is devastating.

This situation can be changed. But you must take action.

Order Legal Paternity Testing for Custody Documentation

First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. It may not be your fault. Maybe it is. But it is your responsibility as a parent to address it. First, acknowledge how this has affected you personally. Lean into that pain. Right now you are avoiding that pain, which is why you are dismissing it in your daughter. Just sit with it. Cry, scream, punch the refrigerator or write him an angry letter you never send. Whatever is your way, go there.

Then, recognize that he is human. When a parent abandons a child, that parent is deeply wounded. There is a reason they cannot fulfill their responsibility. They do not recognize they are worthy of being needed, or can bring value to another person’s life. Your ex misses out — in a very major way — of the joy of raising and loving his child. He also suffers knowing that he deeply hurts her. Every day.

Recognizing this is part of the process of forgiveness. It involves empathy and grace. It will take time. But you must get there — for your sake, and that of your daughter.

While you work through that, you must now face your daughter.

Talk with her. Say: “I’ve been thinking a lot about your dad. I imagine you do, too. How do you feel about the fact you don’t know him?”

Ask her how she feels when she visits friends who live with their dads — or have visitation schedules with both their divorced parents. Tell her about her father, how you met him, what you liked and loved about him. Tell her stories about your time with him, and stories he told you about his life. Tell her about his family and jokes he told. Ask her what she’d like to know about him. Answer honestly — including about the part where he left. And why he doesn’t call. If you don’t know how to answer some questions, say so. “I wish I knew, but I don’t.”

That is just the first conversation.

Have another the next week.

And the next.

You may not have weekly conversations about your daughter’s father for the rest of your lives. But get into a habit of talking about him. About her father. Give her permission to ask, and to feel. Do not sugar coat the information, or your own feelings. Especially as she gets older, tell her what really went down, and how absolutely infuriated you were — and maybe still are. By recognizing your feelings and sharing them honestly with her, you give her permission to recognize and honor her own, complex and human feelings.

Only then can both of you move forward with a full, wonderful — and complex — life you were meant to have.

A definitive list of 7 co-parenting boundaries you need to know

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness. These reasons include:

  • Parental alienation, as this father explains
  • He did not want to be a father in the first place
  • Conflict with the mother was too much
  • The father cannot afford child support, and pursuing more parenting time means increased risk of going to jail
  • He doesn’t feel confident as a father — and with minimal parenting time each month, it is hard to grow as a dad

How co co-parent with a narcissistic or toxic ex


If a father doesn’t want to be involved, is this child abandonment or fatherlessness?

If a non-custodial parent — mother or father — is found to have willingly abandoned the child, they may lose parental rights depending on state law and a judge’s ruling. This can mean that the father is not allowed to have visitation or legal rights to his child. It can also mean that in the absence of other safe adults to care for the child, the child will be taken into the welfare system, including foster care.

There are Safe Haven laws in all 50 states and Puerto Rico, which decriminalize the leaving of unharmed infants at a police station, fire station or hospital so that the child becomes a ward of the state. 

Outside of safe haven laws, parents technically cannot voluntarily forfeit their parenting responsibilities without facing criminal consequences. 

While all states have child support policies and laws that force (in theory) parents to contribute financially to their children, there is no mandate for non-custodial parents to participate in the physical caring of children.

Child abandonment laws usually apply when a custodial parent or guardian fails to care for a child, leaves them with another adult for long periods without contact, and sometimes leaves a child alone at home, unattended.

The laws on these issues vary from state-to-state, and sometimes apply to non-custodial parents, but not typically.

Child abandonment may be an emotionally traumatic experience, though not a criminal one.

Proving child abandonment may be required to win full legal and/or physical custody of a child. Parents who wish to relocate with a child may want to prove abandonment or have the child adopted by a step-parent or other adult.

These are examples that a court may consider criminal child abandonment by a custodial parent or guardian, according to the U.S. Health and Human Services’s Children’s Bureau:

  • Leaving a child with another person without making arrangements to care for or communicate with the child for three or more months
  • Failing to maintain a regular visitation schedule for at least six months
  • Abandoning an infant in an unsafe place — as most states have ‘safe haven laws’ that allow mothers to leave their newborns in designated places such as a hospital, police station or church without facing criminal charges.
  • Leaving the child home alone in a situation deemed unsafe
  • Otherwise failing to provide care, support or reasonable resources (food, clothing, heat) for a child you are responsible for

Fatherlessness, meanwhile, refers simply to kids who grow up without an involved dad, for whatever reason.

Absent father now wants contact: What to do

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

That means that even though a father is not involved with their kids today, there is an opportunity for them to be involved going forward.

Order Legal Paternity Testing for Custody Documentation

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

Movies and books on absent fathers and shared parenting:

Recommended shared parenting documentary: Divorce Corp

Kickass Single Mom, Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children, By: Emma Johnson

Blend, The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family, By: Mashonda Tifrere

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You, By: by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD and Paul R Fine, LCSW

Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak


Is your child’s father not as involved as he should be? How do you deal with it? What mistakes have you made? What advice can you share with other parents? Share in the comments…

Single mom parenting after divorce. My kid's dad is not involved and I don't know what to say to her. First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. It is not your fault. It is life. But it is your responsibility as a parent to address it.
What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness: parental alienation, conflict with mother, can't afford child support, and more.

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

According to the S&P CoreLogic Case‑Shiller U.S. National Home Price Index, U.S. home prices rose sharply during the pandemic years and remain roughly 40%–45% higher than pre-2020 levels, even after recent market cooling. Prices surged due to historically low interest rates, tight housing supply, and strong buyer demand, and while growth has slowed, prices have not meaningfully returned to pre-pandemic norms.

Data from the National Association of Realtors shoqw that today properties spend close to a month on the market on average.

After multiple rounds of interest-rate hikes aimed at controlling inflation, the housing market has shifted. Higher mortgage rates have reduced buyer affordability, cooled demand, and made price growth uneven across regions. For homeowners, this means selling is no longer guaranteed to be fast or friction-free, especially without pricing aggressively or offering concessions.

If you need to sell your home quickly — because of divorce, foreclosure risk, job loss, or other financial pressure — a traditional home sale may not be the best option.

While you’ll usually receive less money selling your home for cash to an investor or cash buyer — around 10%–15% below market value, according to academic and industry research — it can be a practical option if speed, certainty, and simplicity matter more than maximizing price.

How does a cash house sale work?

In a cash house sale, a buyer pays the seller an agreed-upon amount to purchase the home, without a mortgage or other financing. Cash sales can be made by individual buyers, real estate investors, or by companies that regularly buy houses for cash, called iBuyers.

Some of the biggest and most reputable iBuyers are Offerpad, Opendoor, Zillow Instant Offers, and RedfinNow. 

If you sell directly to an iBuyer, the process typically works like this: 

  1. Go to the iBuyer’s website to submit information about your home, including videos and photos if possible. 
  2. Receive a cash offer from the iBuyer based on the information you’ve provided. 
  3. If you are happy with the initial offer, accept it and set a date for the home inspection and closing. If you aren’t happy with the offer, you may be able to negotiate a higher price if you are able to prove your home is worth more. 
  4. The iBuyer will order an inspection of the home and recommend any repairs or a decrease in the quoted offer. 
  5. Close on the home and move out (learn where to find affordable movers). 

How to sell a house for cash before or after divorce agreement finalized

In general, attorney legal advice is to not sell any assets acquired during a marriage, or that may be considered marital assets until the divorce is finalized. However, if you and your soon-to-be ex agree, you could sign an agreement through an attorney to put your house on the market to free up much-needed money for both spouses to buy new homes, pay for attorneys, and otherwise get on with life.

If you choose to sell your house — through an agent, For Sale By Owner, or for cash to an investor — typically if it were purchased during the marriage, then any profits would be split 50/50 between you and your partner.

You can use that cash to pay off debt, buy a new home, invest in a different career, save for retirement, or to pay for your kids’ education.

How much do I get if I sell my house as is for cash?

How much money you get selling your house for cash as is depends on the type of cash buyer you sell to, as well as the current state of the market and the condition of your home. 

According to research from the University of California, San Diego, home buyers who took out a mortgage paid an average 11% over what all-cash home buyers paid for a home (which means you could make about 11% less selling your home for cash).

Real estate investors and iBuyers will usually try to buy your home for cash below market value so they can turn around and sell it for a profit. 

Tomas Satas, a real estate investor/flipper and founder and CEO of Windy City HomeBuyer, an iBuyer based in Chicago, says the maximum he pays for a cash deal for a home is 98% of the listing price.

“This is for a property that I am not going to have to rehab before I can sell it,” Satas says.

Rinal Patel, a licensed Realtor based in Philadelphia, says that while you may have to accept a lower selling price if you choose to sell your house as is for cash, you will avoid paying a real estate agent’s commission (6% is standard) and traditional closing costs (typically 3-6% of the home price). 

Some iBuyers do charge a commission fee to cover the eventual closing costs involved in selling your home. For example, Offerpad’s service fees range from 4-7%.

“If you're looking to sell your home fast and don't mind a lower price, selling for cash may be the way to go,” says Patel.

Where and how to sell used furniture online or locally

How do you negotiate a cash offer on a house?

If you don’t believe an initial cash offer is fair, you can negotiate with the buyer to arrive at a price that works for both of you. For example, Offerpad allows you to discuss with your Offerpad advisor why you think your home is worth more and try to negotiate a higher price.

Bill Manganaro, a real estate agent and investor in Columbia, Tenn., says a seller negotiating a cash offer on their house should aim to get enough money to cover what's left of their mortgage. He says cash buyers typically look for homes that would be a good flip, so they have to determine the cost to fix the home, put it on the market, and sell it at a profit. 

“Based on these costs, we can arrive at a fair offer amount to present to the seller,” he says. “Whoever the buyer is, if he's ethical, he should never make his offer based on how desperate a seller is to sell.”

Who buys houses for cash?

There are several types of cash buyers: 

  • iBuyers – These are companies, like Offerpad, that buy houses for cash directly from homeowners and sell them for a profit. 
  • Investors – Real estate investors might work on their own or as part of a team of investors to purchase properties and either sell them as is, rehab or “flip” them, or turn them into rental properties.
  • Traditional cash buyers – These are buyers who can afford to buy a home outright without taking out a mortgage. They might be looking to buy the home as a primary residence or vacation property. 

Are companies that buy houses for cash legit?

“We pay cash for your house.”

“We buy ugly homes.”

“Cash 4 homes.”

There are many quality local real estate investors who will pay cash for your home.

Offerpad and some of its competitors are legit, as are many local investors. If you plan to sell to a cash buyer, read previous customer reviews to ensure you’re selling to a reputable company or person. 

Sell house for cash? Pros and cons

Selling a house for cash isn’t for everyone. Here are some pros and cons to selling your house for cash: 

6 pros of selling your house for cash

1. Selling your home for cash is nearly always faster than selling on the market — there is one offer, and no financing required. “Financial distress typically comes with a tighter timeline and doesn’t allow for a financed sale,” says Andy Kolodgie, owner of The House Guys in Virginia. “If a foreclosure or tax sale is set to take place in two months, a financed purchase will not occur in time. This is where selling your home for cash can provide value with a faster close.”

2. You only negotiate with one party: The buyer. If you put your home on the market, you likely have to make concessions with the real estate agent and negotiate with one or more offers, as well as deal with the lender, inspector and appraiser.

3. It's easy — you don't have to clean up, fix up, repair or show a home if you are selling for cash. No open houses, keeping the yard kept or the rooms tidy. The buyer likely an investor with plans to tear down, renovate or otherwise has plans for what they are buying. Sold!

4. No dealing with a lender, and financing that can fall through. “When you sell a house for cash, you avoid the complications that come with a traditional home buyer's loan application,” says Chris Chavez of DFW Fast Home Buyers in Fort Worth, Texas. “Your buyer may not get the loan approval when it was anticipated or they may change their mind altogether. Since most cash buyers use their own cash to buy houses, we can close quickly and aren’t at the mercy of banks. This means a faster closing with less hassle than going the traditional route.”

5. Selling a home quickly might save money — especially if you do not live there. Each month that goes by without a sale means another payment for mortgage, taxes, utilities, yard maintenance, and lost interest on any profits!

6. You are behind on mortgage payments or taxes and a quick sell will help save your credit score.

3 cons of selling your house for cash

1. You will likely get less money for your home. Most cash buyers want to buy your home below market value so they can turn around and sell it at or above market value. 

2. You may have to pay some fees. Offerpad, for example, charges service fees ranging from 4-7% to cover the closing costs involved in eventually selling your home. 

3. Some cash buyers may request repairs or lower the offer price on your home before the sale is finalized based on an inspection of your home. Some cash buyers only want to buy homes that require minimal repairs.

3 ways to avoid foreclosure

If you are behind on your mortgage, or otherwise worried you can't afford your home, there are ways to avoid the bank declaring your house in foreclosure and taking the property from you:

Forbearance

If your lender believes that you have a valid reason behind the missed payments (medical emergency, job loss), it may grant you a forbearance: a repayment plan that temporarily lowers or suspends your payments under the agreement you will stick to the new payment plan.

Mortgage Modification

Mortgage modification allows you to refinance your loan or extend its term to allow for lower monthly payments.

A repayment plan may also include the regular monthly mortgage payment plus a prorated amount of arrears be paid each month.

Reinstatement

Reinstatement lets you pay back mortgage in one, lump-sum payment (which may include any interest and penalties) by a specific deadline.

Reverse mortgage

f the homeowner is at least 62 years old and there is enough equity in the home to cover the defaulted amount, you may be able to get a reverse mortgage. The basics of a reverse mortgage involve a lender taking on your mortgage and paying you a lump sum, fixed monthly payment, or line of credit for the value of the equity in the home, minus interest and fees. A reverse mortgage allows homeowners aged 62 or older to tap into their home’s equity without making monthly payments. 

The loan amount is based on the value of the home, with no monthly payments required. Instead, the loan is repaid when the homeowner sells the home, moves out, or passes away. Reverse mortgages can help supplement retirement income, but it’s important to remember that the loan balance increases over time due to interest. Additionally, homeowners are still responsible for maintaining the property and paying taxes, or the loan could become due earlier than expected.

The entire loan balance then becomes due when the borrower dies, moves out permanently, or sells the home. 

Refinance

If you have equity in your home, a refinance may lower payments, net you a cash payout you can use to catch up on missed payments, and otherwise make your house more affordable. See what refinance you qualify for.

Short refinance

A short refinance is when the bank forgives a part of your debt and refinances the remaining debt into a new loan. 

Sell your home

Of course, if you can't afford your home, you can always sell before you fall behind on payments and ruin your credit.

Frequently asked questions about selling your house

Who benefits from selling a house for cash?

Manganaro says the people who benefit the most from selling a house for cash are people in some sort of distress, whether they’re facing foreclosure, divorce, or bankruptcy — or have an old home that needs a lot of repairs.

“Or maybe the house was inherited and the new owner couldn't or didn't want to care for the property and just wanted to get rid of it,” Manganaro says.

Is it wise to sell your house for cash?

For many sellers, especially those who need to get money quickly, a cash sale can make sense. Do your homework first!

Single mom $500 stimulus grant

Is it quicker to sell a house to a cash buyer? 5 tips for selling to a cash buyer

  1. Check the online reviews of the buyer, including Better Business Bureau, Yelp, as well as ask around on local Facebook groups, Nextdoor, and your local friends and neighbors.
  2. Some agents recommend at least trying to sell your home on the open market first — either with an agent or for sale by owner.
  3. Before agreeing to a sale, require the buyer provide proof of funds, as well as an Earnest Money Deposit (EMD) — funds in escrow while the deal closes.
  4. Beware of very high offers. “An investor may offer way over the home’s value to lock you in with them only to bring an inspector through and severely lower the price,” says Kolodgie, who is a real estate investor. “You’re then stuck with that investor even though their offer is now the same as all the rest you previously received.
  5. Get multiple quotes, including from iBuyers like Offerpad and Opendoor, as well as local cash investors.

Is it better to sell a house for cash?

Most homes benefit from being sold on the market with the help of a realtor. However, there are some houses, and some sellers, who should consider a cash sale to a quality buyer or investor.

  • Your house is in need of major repairs, you have few interested buyers, in part because no bank will give anyone a mortgage for your home.
  • You are behind on mortgage payments, are facing a tax lien or are already in foreclosure.
  • You are going through a divorce, and selling your house for cash makes the divorce settlement fast and easy, and helps pay for a new life for both of you.
  • You need the money quickly.
  • You don't have the time, inclination or patience for showings, negotiations or contingencies.
  • You're not getting any regular offers, and tax and mortgage payments are accruing. In other words, you don't have many other choices.
  • You are eager to buy another property, and without a fast cash sale of your current house, you may miss out on your dream home.
  • There are emotional reasons you need to get out of a property quickly: Maybe you are selling a home you inherited and need to settle a loved one's estate without family drama, your relationship ended and you want to settle any debt owed to your ex, or you have a business debt that needs paying.

Can you sell a house for cash without a Realtor?

Yes, you can sell a house for cash without a Realtor, either as a For Sale by Owner seller or in a direct sale to a company that buys houses for cash. 

Bottom line: What is the fastest way to sell a house for cash?

There are just as many shady cash real estate investors as there are legit ones. iBuyers are increasingly popular, thanks to their easy customer experience and streamlined technology. A quality local investor can be a great option, especially if you live outside of a metro area served by an online cash home buyer.


Please be advised that the operator of this site accepts advertising compensation from companies that appear on the site, and such compensation impacts the location and order in which the companies (and/or their products) are presented, and in some cases may also impact the rating that is assigned to them.

How does a cash house sale work?

In a cash house sale, a buyer pays the seller an agreed-upon amount to purchase the home, without a mortgage or other financing. Cash sales can be made by individual buyers, real estate investors, or by companies that regularly buy houses for cash, called iBuyers.

How much do I get if I sell my house as is for cash?

How much money you get selling your house for cash as is depends on the type of cash buyer you sell to, as well as the current state of the market and the condition of your home.

How do you negotiate a cash offer on a house?

If you don’t believe an initial cash offer is fair, you can negotiate with the buyer to arrive at a price that works for both of you.

Who benefits from selling a house for cash?

Manganaro says the people who benefit the most from selling a house for cash are people in some sort of distress, whether they’re facing foreclosure, divorce, or bankruptcy — or have an old home that needs a lot of repairs.

Is it better to sell a house for cash?

Most homes benefit from being sold on the market with the help of a realtor.

Can you sell a house for cash without a Realtor?

Yes, you can sell a house for cash without a Realtor, either as a For Sale by Owner seller or in a direct sale to a company that buys houses for cash.

I see it all the time, and you likely do, too. People fall apart when their marriages end. No matter if it is an amicable, Gwyneth Paltrow uncoupling, your decision or his, whether there was plenty of money or everyone is now destitute, divorce is trauma. 

Every single vertical of your life unravels: finance, real estate, the kids of course, and how much you will see them and where. 

Money is a giant, scary question mark, and your relationships with friends and extended family likely change and are challenged.

If you are like I was, your ideas about your own sexuality, identity, and future are questioned, and your health can take its toll.

However, divorce is just one life experience. It is so common, so commonplace, and there are so many success stories about life after divorce, that I need you to know right now:

You will be fine.

There is trauma, yes.

Pain and suffering.

But you will get through it!

11 tips for moving on and finding yourself after divorce

There is no one-size-fits-all path you’re supposed to take in life. The post-divorce period is all about discovering what you want. Practice some self-care, pick up a new hobby, or even learn how to meditate

After divorce, you get to have a fresh new start. Here are some tips to discover the new spouse-free version of yourself: 

  1. Grieve your divorce
  2. Get therapy or try a self-help course
  3. Co-parent like Paltrow
  4. Get a physical, and maybe a makeover
  5. Declutter your house and your life
  6. Heal your heart
  7. Make new friends
  8. Create a lifestyle you can afford
  9. Build your career
  10. Start dating
  11. Build your own wealth

1. Grieve your divorce

Even if you are relieved to be out of your marriage, there will be an adjustment period. It’s OK and 100% normal to feel lonely after divorce. In fact, you can experience a range of emotions, and that is also normal.

Merriam Saunders, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and certified divorce mediator, says that the first year after a divorce is often the most difficult — even if you left a bad marriage and even if you’ve started dating someone new.

“The grief may not necessarily be due to missing the former spouse, but rather the life that was built together, the identity forged as a couple, the thought that others might view you as somehow having failed,” Saunders says. 

She says if there are children involved, you may also be grieving your ability to raise them in an intact family, as if you’ve somehow failed them, as well.

Saunders says it’s normal to experience grief because it is a loss. However, how you express and deal with that loss is different for every person. 

“A newly divorced person can expect that just like with any loss, uncomfortable feelings might come up when you least expect them (a sad song on the radio, someone at a stop light who reminds you of your wedding day), and it’s normal,” Saunders says. “Breathe through the discomfort and know it’s just part of the process of moving through change.” 

Give yourself time to navigate life after divorce. If you need help to get through this time, consider seeking help through therapy. Options like BetterHelp and other online therapy sites are legit choices — if you don’t want to go to an in-person therapist.

2. Get therapy — or at least try some self-help books and courses

Divorce can do a number on your mind, body and soul. Take charge.

If your insurance includes coverage for therapy, get yourself a counselor. It is so freeing to talk with someone with absolutely zero stake in your personal life. Relatives and friends can be judgy about your breakup; a counselor just wants to help you move past it.

(And if your insurance coverage doesn’t include therapy? Look for affordable – and maybe even free – help through online counseling services.) Online therapy site BetterHelp takes quality, PhD or Masters degree level therapists, and makes them accessible by video or phone sessions. Connect with a certified mental health professional through BetterHelp.com. Read our review.

How therapy can help

Here are some reasons to try therapy:

  • Therapy has been proven to help people struggling with all kinds of life transitions, and divorce definitely qualifies as a big-ass, major life transition!
  • Therapy can help you understand why your marriage didn’t work out.
  • It can help you process any grief, anger and loneliness.
  • You can learn how to navigate co-parenting and caring for your kids during their own difficult time.

Post-divorce counseling of course can help — whether this means working with your regular therapist, joining a post-divorce support group, or seeking out services like online therapy — sometimes just an objective, patient ear to listen can change your life.

Try a support group

Support groups for divorce can be powerful. I had an incredible experience with group therapy around the time of my own divorce, and connecting with other women going through a similar situation, as well as those who are both ahead of you, and following you in their divorce journeys, can be informative, healing and humbling.

One common topic in divorce support groups is the decision to get a pet. After a life changing event like a divorce, many people find solace in the companionship of animals. If you are considering adopting a dog, cat, or smaller pet, visit honestpet.com for a furry friend that can provide emotional comfort during the healing process.

Take an online course

Udemy has some free and inexpensive online courses that can help transition to life after divorce:

Life 101 Considering that stress levels and poor lifestyle choices in college students are increasing at an alarmingly fast pace, this course may serve as an effective educational tool to teach healthy lifestyle choices, promote students’ well-being and help them to recognize and manage their stress.

Life 101 is taught through a combination of lectures, multimedia videos, workshops and group discussions that would foster active learning.

This course will encourage, challenge, motivate, and inspire students to make positive changes in their lifestyle and the way they interact with others and their environment.

The Science of Well-Being In this course you will engage in a series of challenges designed to increase your own happiness and build more productive habits.

As preparation for these tasks, Professor Laurie Santos reveals misconceptions about happiness, annoying features of the mind that lead us to think the way we do, and the research that can help us change.

You will ultimately be prepared to successfully incorporate a specific wellness activity into your life.

Finding Purpose and Meaning: Living for What Matters Most! Learn how science, philosophy and practice all play a role in both finding your purpose and living a purposeful life.

You will hear from historical figures and individuals about their journeys to finding and living a purposeful life, and will walk through different exercises to help you find out what matters most to you so you can live a purposeful life.

By the end of this course, you will:

  1. Understand that having a strong purpose in life is an essential element of human well-being.
  2. Know how self-transcending purpose positively affects well-being.
  3. Be able to create a purpose for your life (don't be intimidated, this is different from creating “the purpose” for your life).
  4. Apply personal approaches and skills to self-change and become and stay connected to your purpose every day.

3. Co-parent like a Paltrow

It can also help to focus on positive co-parenting with your now-ex. Create a plan that works for the new relationship you have with your ex-spouse. Visualize what the future looks like for your whole family.

Custody X Change, a tool for creating parenting plans and schedules, offers the following tips for making a successful plan:

  • Make a parenting time schedule that clearly defines when your child spends time with each parent. In addition to a regular weekday schedule, you should note holidays and vacations.
  • Define the legal custody for each parent.
  • Write down how you will handle child support and issues like claiming your child as a dependent at tax time.
  • Include decisions about designated exchange areas including when and how the exchange will take place. 
  • Write down decisions about medical care, child care, education, extracurricular activities, travel, screen time, and any other topic that relates to the child’s lifestyle and wellbeing.
  • Outline all accepted forms of communication.
  • Write about how you will handle disagreements.

Read my tips in: Rules for co-parenting with even the most toxic ex.

4. Get a physical, and maybe a makeover

Next, talk to your primary care physician. Explain what’s been going on in your life and get a full physical. It could turn out that your exhaustion is due to an underactive thyroid rather than breakup-related stress.

Talk with the doc about any issues that concern you – weight, cholesterol, disease risk – and ask for help mapping out a healthy lifestyle.

Weight loss after a breakup isn’t always an issue, of course. Some people are just naturally slim. Others have already lost weight due to the “relationship breakup diet” of stress and worry.

But if you do decide to drop those extra pounds, the divorce weight loss transformation could do wonders for your self-confidence – and for your overall health, since you’ll be doing it through better eating and regular exercise.

Bonus: When you’re ready to date again, you’ll feel totally up to the challenge. The comedian Elayne Boosler once referred to post-breakup food and exercise as the “new people are going to see me naked diet.” She’s not wrong.

Nothing wrong with cultivating a “revenge body.” Let’s be honest: Doesn’t part of you really want your ex to hear about (or see) how great you’re doing – and how great you look?

5. Declutter your house and get rid of stuff with negative energy

While Marie Kondo is great at helping you get stuff out of your house, she doesn’t help you figure out what to do with it! Consider selling some of your unused items and make some cash.

How to get rid of junk: 24+ free and cheap junk removal options

  • Donate household goods, furniture, blankets, bedding, and clothes: You can donate your stuff to Goodwill, Salvation Army, churches, shelters, outreach centers, and thrift stores. Remember to collect a receipt for any donations, as a tax write-off can make more sense then trying to sell your items individually.
  • Sell clothing: If you have high-quality, name-brand clothing that is only gently worn, you can likely make some cash by selling on consignment sites.
  • Sell jewelry: Many relationships involve precious jewelry. When the relationship ends, those antique, estate, or just used rings, watches, necklaces, earrings, pearls and bracelets can linger in velvet-lined jewelry boxes for years — or even the remainder of the new owner’s life! If you don’t use it, it becomes clutter. Sell it.
  • Sell electronics, old books, video games, DVDs, CDs, iPhones, and Xbox: You can sell your stuff to Decluttr.com to make some cash. Whatever doesn’t sell, donate.

After a divorce, your house and your stuff can give off negative energy. As part of your decluttering process, look to feng shui your house and remove that negative energy.

P.S. After I worked with a feng shui consultant and decluttered, I felt a sense of lightness and control as I looked at my kitchen cupboards and knew just what selection of grains and spices were at my disposal for dinner.

When I needed a certain drill bit the other day, I knew exactly where to find it. In the past, I would have clenched up at the thought of slogging through a giant drawer of hardware and left the window blinds uninstalled.

There is a serenity that comes with knowing that I have more than enough, and yet am closer to the leaner, more purposeful life that I crave.

Downsizing after divorce: how to declutter and take charge

6. Heal your heart and be open to love

You might be ready to date weeks, months, or even years after divorce. But once you heal the wounds of your past relationship, it is possible to find love again. We’ve written lots of articles about post-divorce relationships: 

7. Make new friends

Having a tribe after divorce is so important. Good friends can comfort you at your worst, make you get out of the house, and just make you laugh your ass off. Learn how to make friends after divorce and check out our list of apps to make friends and meet new people in 2023

I run a 100% Millionaire Single Moms support group for women on Facebook, where women share about all the joys, traumas and realities of parenting solo.

8. Create a lifestyle you can afford after divorce

After divorce, your income and financial outlook will change. Downsizing after divorce can help you get on track financially and build a successful post-divorce life.

Here are some tips for making and saving money after divorce:

Molly Rosenblum, owner and founding attorney of The Rosenblum Allen Law Firm based in Las Vegas says you should also set up a new budget when divorce is imminent — one that will reflect your income and debts after divorce.

“This way, you will know what it will cost to live independently and be self-supporting,” Molly says. “It will also give you a good insight into what you should ask for in terms of alimony and potentially child support.”

Rosenblum also recommends consulting with a financial planner and a tax professional.

The financial planner can give you ideas on how best to handle funds from alimony, your ex’s retirement benefits, or a lump sum payout from the sale of marital property. If you will receive alimony, a tax professional is one of the best people to have in your corner.

“Alimony is taxable to the payor and the person receiving it,” Rosenblum says. “A tax professional can help structure payments and a division of assets to avoid significant tax consequences.”

9. Build your career post-divorce

Thanks to technology and a changing work culture that values parents, there are countless quality, legit jobs and careers that pay well and provide the flexibility to spend time with your family, work out, build a side gig, or otherwise enjoy life. These opportunities include remote work and other work-at-home opportunities.  

In fact, working from home tops my gratitude list most days, as it has allowed me to devote concentrated sums of time building a business that I love, pays well, and allows me to spend as much (or little! Let's be real here!) time with my kids as I need to.

High-paying WAH jobs includes careers that often pay $100,000 or more:

My favorite job board for moms is FlexJobs — the leading job site specifically for telecommuting, part-time, flexible-time, online, work from home, and other alternative work arrangements that make such a big difference in families’ lives.

10. Start dating after divorce

I was terrified to date after divorce, and only went on a date after a full year because my friend forced me onto a blind date. I had never dated as a single mom, my body had changed, and the world had changed (hello, smart phones and online dating).

Today, I can attest that dating as a single mom is truly wonderful, as many women can attest. I write all about the reasons in this post on why dating after divorce is so thrilling (including the sex).

Online dating can seem intimidating or desperate if you've never done it, but surveys find that is the No. 1 most common way for marrying couples to meet. I have gone on hundreds of dates that originated online, including my three-year relationship with my current boyfriend.

Learn about all the popular online dating sites and apps for single parents in my rundown.

For finding a serious relationship, a boyfriend or a husband, eharmony is the leader:

  • Free 150-point personality report
  • Apps for iOS and Android
  • 100% of members are proven to be real (no catfishing or married people!)
  • Free version
  • For paid memberships, eharmony has one of the lowest prices.
  • 3-month free guarantee
  • A Better Business Bureau rating

Start with a free basic plan on eharmony >>

Learn more about eharmony in my review.

Post-divorce dating can be exhilarating — when you’re ready. The joys of connecting as a mature adult with other evolved people, dating and sex without the pressures of marriage or commitment, are some of the great surprises at this time of your life.

Eventually, if you want and when you are ready, you will join the countless other formerly heartbroken women and find love after divorce.

11. Build your own wealth after divorce

You likely left your marriage poorer than when you were married, even if you did get the house and a share of investments.

Keep going.

Especially if you were a stay-at-home mom before divorce, you might be struggling with money right now. But there are a lot of great jobs out there, even ones that don’t require a degree. Here are some posts to help you make more money: 

If you don't already feel confident about investing, learn. Here is my guide to build wealth. In addition, our 52-Week Money Challenge will help you earn more, save more, spend less and feel joyful about your funds. Sign up for the weekly FREE emails:

FAQs about moving on after divorce

Is life over after divorce?

Oh god, no.

Is life better after divorce?

Is life better after divorce? That may entirely depend on the person. Typically, there are four post-divorce experiences:

  1. Life is so fucking better after that asshole leaves!
  2. Meh. At first it seemed great but after a while I realized he was not so bad and I was just bored.
  3. Whew! At first I was devastated that he wanted to leave, but with time I realized what a horrible relationship it was and that he did me the biggest favor!
  4. It is 27 years later and every day I am angry/bitter/remorseful.

Are people happier after divorce?

Women and men can thrive after their marriages end — build communities, careers and find love, and raise great kids. For more, check out my bestselling book The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), which the New York Post called a “Smart, must-read.”

How hard is life after divorce? How bad is it?

The answer to this question is entirely personal, and can be measured by many factors, including emotional pain, financial stress, romantic loneliness and of course the stress and pain of your kids. A few factors that help women thrive after divorce:

  • Aim for a low-conflict, uncontested divorce.
    This will set you up for a healthy co-parenting arrangement and create fewer things for you to be pissed about long-term.
  • Aim to be financially independent of him. Say no to alimony and child support and find a fair way to split out-of-pocket expenses for the kids (insurance, child care, sports, school supplies). Instead, build your career, start a business or find ways to work at home.
  • Insist on 50/50 time-sharing. Moms who don’t end up resentful, and poorer, according to my survey of 2,279 moms.

What is life after divorce really like? Thoughts from our readers 

Here’s what some of our readers had to say:

Single motherhood can be amazing if you allow it to be. You get to be a mess for a year. yes- that article was a game changer for me because it put a deadline on the self-pity that I see so many other single moms trapped in. After that find the joy. I remember once sneering at the thought of “the Disney dad”. The parent that focuses on fun. And one day when I was being the obnoxious, scattered, can’t get my shit together single mom and looked at my 3 year old looking back at me not sure why I was so miserable it hit me. I had to be more like that disney dad. So when I needed to rush into before care I would race the kids to the door rather than drag them. When my tough nut little one resisted getting ready in the morning I made up the game “Soldier! Report for duty!” She loved me calling out steps to her, “soldier! Arms up for t shirt!” It changed our relationships and now with happy, healthy 10 and 12 year olds fun is the foundation of our threesome. Letting go in that way has allowed me to make serious leaps I wouldn’t have otherwise. I handle stress so much better. So do my kids. I love my life now in a way I never even imagined before.

– Kiki

After I took the time to really heal both from my marriage and other traumas it's been great. I have more confidence, a better job, a fantastic friend circle. I'm dating someone wonderful (and it's amazing not to have to pressure to escalate the relationship beyond our comfort), I love my freedom, and I feel so much less stress. I'm a few years out and it took awhile to get here, some of which was difficult and painful, but I'm literally the happiest I've ever been in my life.

– Janelle
  • Janelle

Someone said that marriage is like the womb. And divorce is the birth.

I love my post-divorce life. And a wonderful thing to have happened to me as it made me spread my wings. I met me.

I felt traumatized by the separation. The bouncing back was hard and painful. The healing journey helped me re-discover myself. I grew exponentially as a person. My ex-husband and I are friendly with each other. He is married now. And we have a good rapport. We are very different people with some very different values and it makes sense now to not be married to each other.

Someone who is considering divorce or going through it right now… While most of us don't enter a marriage thinking of divorcing… the end of a marriage is inevitable… either by death or by divorce. The timeline varies. The contrasts co-exist. Yes, it is painful. It is a loss at a very deep level.

My advice: grieve it. Feel it fully. Grieving is beautiful. Get support. Take your time. Consciously heal. There is always, always light at the end of the tunnel. One can make it a journey of metamorphosis or staying broken. That is in our hands.

Don't make the children a part of the mess. Divorce is between husband and wife. Not between the father and mother. Father and mother… they always remain.

– Shruti

There are so many days that I feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I'm a hot mess. But then I look at my kids, how great they're doing, and how great my relationship with them is and I realize that I'm definitely doing something right. I get down and battle depression periodically and wish I was in a good relationship but then I look at how much I've grown as a person on my own and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

– Christine

What should I do with my life after divorce?

Here are just some of the million things that women do with their happy post-divorce lives:

  • Start a new career
  • Open a business
  • Go to grad school [27 scholarships for single moms]
  • Travel
  • Make new friends
  • Get closer to their children
  • Date
  • Have lots of interesting, new sex
  • Find love
  • Remarry
  • Have more babies
  • Relocate
  • Build wealth
  • Remodel their home
  • Downsize
  • Get closer to God
  • Find a new church/temple/mosque
  • Revisit an old hobby/passion
  • Find a new passion/project
  • Volunteer/give back
  • Get in shape
  • Explore new sports and fitness routines
  • Develop intellectual pursuits old and new
  • Relax
  • Binge on TV shows and movies that make you feel good
  • Do nothing

The bottom line: There is life after divorce

The best way to move on after a breakup?

Time. Patience with yourself. Self-reflection. Focus on thriving as a single woman while also being open to fun, dating, partnership, and being a good co-parent.

But to get there, you have to get rid of stuff: furniture, dishes, old photos, and sell that engagement ring already. Sell that engagement ring, anniversary ring, diamond necklace, or push-present earrings and use the proceeds to get your nose pierced!

Another self-care option: going for a dramatic new look after divorce. Dye your hair! 

Purge the super-basic wardrobe you somehow accumulated in the past decade! (Hint: Moms don’t have to wear mom jeans.)

A divorce makeover won’t happen overnight, unless you’re financially secure enough just to dump everything and start over.

Take your time, make thoughtful decisions about what you want your life to look like after divorce. Give yourself the time and permission to discover — and to meet — your own needs and desires, now.

What to do now? 

Watch:

Read:

How to recover from divorce in the first year

Is life better after divorce?

Is life better after divorce? That may entirely depend on the person.

Are people happier after divorce?

Women and men can thrive after their marriages end — build communities, careers and find love, and raise great kids.

How hard is life after divorce?

The answer to this question is entirely personal, and can be measured by many factors, including emotional pain, financial stress, romantic loneliness and of course the stress and pain of your kids.

What should I do with my life after divorce?

Here are just some of the million things that women do with their happy post-divorce lives: start a new career, open a business, go to grad school, travel, make new friends, get closer to their children, date, and more.

If you have a used or inherited watch, you can likely sell it for cash — even if it is broken.

CashforGoldUSA buys all luxury watches, as well as gold and silver watch parts. The the family company has been in business since 2005, has an A+ BBB rating, insures your item up to $150,000 and pays within 24 hours. Get a quote for your watch now >>

If you'd rather not sell your watch, you can also use it as collateral to secure a personal loan. Read our Diamond Banc review and borrow up to $500,000 in 24 hours or less with Diamond Banc >>

Here is what you need to know about selling your timepiece for the best price, quickly.

How to sell a watch in 3 steps

Whether you choose to sell locally, or online, the basics of selling a luxury timepiece are similar:

  1. Understand the value of the watch you're selling.
  2. Research all the options you have for selling watches.
  3. Get quotes for online watch buyers before going “near me.”

Interested in selling your timepiece? Keep reading to learn more:

How to sell watches “near me”

How to sell a watch online 

What you should know about selling your luxury watch

FAQs about how to sell my watch

Bottom line: Is there a market for used watches?

How to sell a watch: Step 1

First, understand the value of your watch:

  • Start with any documentation you have of the timepiece: receipts, box, certifications, appraisal, any documented history of past ownership
  • A Google search of the make and model, year, as well as an estimation of its condition — see what others are selling similar watches for on sites like ebay, Chrono24.com and Worthy.com.
  • Get a quote from an online watch buyer. CashforGoldUSA will give you a quote quickly through its website.
  • Consider taking your watch to a local jeweler near you to get an appraisal

How to sell a watch: Step 2

Research your options for selling timepieces, chose the one you feel most comfortable with, that promises the highest price.

  • Selling to a watch dealer near, you, pawn shop or consignment may feel safer if you know the business or can speak directly with the store
  • Online watch buyers have the benefit of allowing you to research multiple buyers easily without leaving home, and read through dozens or hundreds of Better Business Bureau or Trustpilot reviews from all over the country. Plus, selling online is private and discrete.
    CashforGoldUSA, Worthy, and myGemma have BBB ratings of A+, and all insure your item, with the option to have your item shipped back to you free and insured should like. 

How to sell a watch: Step 3

To sell a timepiece to an online watch buyer: 

  1. Go to the watch buyer’s website and answer their questions to see if you qualify to sell through them. CashforGoldUSA accepts all luxury watches and gold and silver watch parts. Worthy and myGemma have stricter criteria.
  2. Request a Fedex or USPS mailer. Reputable sellers will send the mailer for free, as well as provide sufficient insurance, tacking number and a guarantee to return your item without charge, should you choose. 
  3. Send in your watch.
  4. Get a quote. Negotiate if you think your watch is worth more. 
  5. Get paid — most online watch buyers will pay via ACH, Paypal or even paper check in the mail. 

Jewelry stores or watch buyers near you will require a visit to their showroom. They will inspect your timepiece, and if interested, make an offer, typically in cash. Be sure to negotiate a higher rate.

How to sell watches “near me”

Typical local places for selling watches include pawn and consignment stores, local jewelers, estate sales and auctions. To sell near you:

  1. Get an appraisal via a jeweler, watch dealer, antique/estate jewelry dealer or otherwise do your research online to understand your timepiece and what it is worth.
  2. Get a few quotes locally from reputable jewelers, appraisals, pawnshops or collectors. 
  3. Sell your item, get paid on the spot, typically in cash.

How to sell a watch online 

Increasingly, there are many more trustworthy options for selling your watch or luxury timepiece online, including directly to other buyers through sites like ebay, Chrono24.com as well as to reputable watch buyers like CashforGoldUSA, Worthy and myGemma. 

By working with a reputable online watch buyer, you can have a more private sale and potentially reach a global buyers’ market — which is exactly the market for luxury watches.

Sell a watch via CashforGoldUSA

CashforGoldUSA directly buys any luxury timepiece, broken or working, watch bands, branded and unbranded. Unbranded timepieces or watch parts can be sold for scrap gold or silver.

Read our CashforGoldUSA review, or get a free estimate now >>

Brands CashforGoldUSA accepts include:

AccuristAdriaticaA. Lange & Sšhne
Alpina WatchesAnsonia Clock CompanyAudemars Piguet
Abraham Louis BreguetAaron LufkinDennison
Antide JanvierAntoni PatekAdrien Philippe
Baume et MercierBall Watch CompanyBell & Ross
BlancpainEdouard BovetBreguet
BreitlingBulgariBulova
Carlo FerraraCartierCasio
CharlesFrodshamCertina
Chaika watchesChopardChronovski
Chung nam groupCitizenCompany Volmax
CorumCymaDaniel Roth
Doxa S.A.DreffaEbel
Elgin National Watch CompanyErnest BorelEdward
John DentETAE. Howard & Co.
F. P. JourneFestinaFortis Uhren AG
FossilFranck MullerFrŽdŽrique Constant
Franciszek CzapekFerdinand BerthoudGirard-Perregaux
GlashŸtte OriginalGlycine WatchGeorge Graham
George DanielsHamilton Watch CompanyHindustan Machine Tools
HublotIkepodIllinois Watch Company
International Watch CompanyInvicta, ISAIngersoll
Jaeger-LeCoultreJoseph JohnsonJules Jurgensen
JunghansJohn ArnoldJohn Harrison
KolberLancashire Watch CompanyLip
Louis CartierLonginesLorus Luminox
Marathon Watch CompanyMarkusRubyMaurice Lacroix
Minerva Watch CompanyMolnija, MondaineMontblanc
MovadoNixon WatchesNomos GlashŸtte
OmegaOrientOris
PaneraiParmigiani FleurierPatek Philippe
PhenixPiaget SAPolar Electro
PoljotPR & A Watch SaglPulsar
Pierre Jaquet-DrozPeter HenleinPeter Litherland
RadoRaymond WeilRodania
Roger DubuisRolexRotary Watches
SeikoSeikoshaSekonda
SinnÊSkagen DesignsSlava
SuuntoSwatchTAG Heuer
TimexTissotTitan
IndustriesTitoniTourneau
Thomas TompionThomas EarnshawTutima
Ulysse NardinVacheron ConstantinValjoux
VenusVostokVictorinox
Waltham International SAWaltham Watch CompanyWenger
Webb C. BallWincenty GostkowskiYema
Zenith  

Selling your gold to CashforGoldUSA is straightforward:

  1. Visit CashforGoldUSA.com and fill out a form requesting a prepaid mailer be sent to you, free of charge. 
  2. Place your items inside the mailer and send it back to CashforGoldUSA. You can have the mailer picked up at your door (opposed to taking it to the shipping center).
  3. Your items will be appraised within 24 hours of receipt to determine the value of the gold, and you’ll be sent an offer.
  4. If you accept the offer, you’ll be paid by either check, bank wire, or directly through PayPal. You can be paid in as little as 24 hours after accepting the offer.
  5. If you don’t accept the offer, your item will be returned to you free of charge. 

Get an idea of the value of your item before you send it in for appraisal. Just enter the weight and karat of gold into CashforGoldUSA's gold calculator:

CashforGoldUSA informational gold calculator
CashforGoldUSA informational gold calculator

It is important to note that this is just melt value, and not a final offer. The only way to get an accurate offer is to send your item in for appraisal. 

Sell a watch via Worthy.com

Worthy.com is an online marketplace specializing in diamonds and branded jewelry and directly buys luxury watches. Worthy only accepts items that will re-sell for at least $1,000.

Watches Worthy.com accepts include:

Alain SilbersteinBreitling
GlashütteLange
Patek PhilippeTAG Heuer
Audemars PiguetBulgari
Harry WinstonMB&F
PiagetTudor
Bell & RossCartier
HublotMontblanc
Richard MilleUlysse Nardin
BlancpainChopard
IWCOmega
Roger DubuisVacheron Constantin
BreguetFranck Muller
JaegerPanerai
RolexZenither 
  1. Go to Worthy.com
  2. Get an online quote from a site like Worthy to understand if their estimate is in line with a price you feel comfortable with.
  3. If they and you are interested in proceeding, Worthy sends you a free FedEx mailer overnight. 
  4. Send in your watch, 100% insured up to $100,000. 
  5. Your timepiece is authenticated by Central Watch, a New York City watch repair, appraiser and buyer founded in 1952.
  6. Worthy will professionally clean and photograph your timepiece in high-definition. You set the minimum price you are willing to sell.
  7. Your auction goes live to hundreds of vetted buyers globally.
  8. Get paid within as little as 24 hours by Paypal, or by check mailed to your home. 

Worthy has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

When your watch or other jewelry sells, Worthy.com takes a fee of up to 22 percent of the sale price.

That’s something to keep in mind, but remember that anyone selling anything for you is going to take a cut — they just might not be transparent about it. 

Keep in mind that the whole process withy Worthy will typically take about 2 weeks.

If you chose not to sell, or the minimum price is not met, Worthy will return your watch for free.

Read about Worthy in this review.

How much can I get for my watch on Worthy?

The amount your watch will bring depends on many factors.

You won’t be surprised by the final sale prices, since you will receive an estimate from Central Watch beforehand, and you yourself set the minimum you are willing to accept for a sale at Worthy.com.

That said, here are some things that can affect the value of your watch: Limited production numbers, brand and model, proof of Swiss craftsmanship, manufacturer-made movements, construction using precious metals, the quality of jewels and stones in the piece, the conditions of the clasp and band, and piece’s history and age.

Worthy points out that some of the watches it deals with have sold for more than $1 million.

For a quick reference, though, Worthy reports that on its site, a Rolex Submariner recently sold for $6,120, a Hublot Big Bang recently sold for $4,725 and a Breitling Motors recently went for $2,929.

Learn more about selling Rolexes.

Sell a watch to myGemma, formerly WP Diamonds

myGemma only buys luxury watches, including:

RolexCartier
IWCBreitling
Patek PhillipeOmega
Tag Heuer Jaeger LeCoulture
HublotA. Lange & Söhne
Audemars PiguetBaume & Mercier
Bell & RossBlancpain, Breguet
Bremont, BulgariChanel
ChopardChronoswiss
Franck MullerGirard-Perraguax
Gashütte, Hublot 
  1. Go to myGemma.com
  2. Get an online quote 
  3. If they and you are interested in proceeding, myGemma sends you a free FedEx mailer overnight. 
  4. Send in your watch, 100% insured up to the full value of your item. More expensive items can easily be sent by MALCA armored delivery.
  5. Your timepiece is authenticated, and a formal offer will be sent by email, or in a phone call.
  6. If you accept, you can get paid within as little as 24 hours by Paypal, or by check mailed to your home. 

myGemma also accepts in-person appointments in its locations in New York City and London.

myGemma also buys diamonds, branded jewelry, luxury handbags and sneakers, offering trade-in deals in addition to direct payment.

How much will myGemma give me for my watch?

While myGemma does not publish its commission, most jewelry and watch buyers take at least a 20% commission off the top of the market value of what they will pay you.

Is myGemma a trustworthy company?

myGemma, formerly WP Diamonds, has an A+ Better Business Bureau rating, 4.8/5 stars on Trustpilot based on more than 2,300 reviews, and physical offices in New York or London. 

How will I get paid by myGemma?

myGemma will wire you the money or send a check out the same day. If you choose a wire, the money will go straight into your bank account and be available in as little as 24 hours.

If you sell your watch at one of their locations, myGemma will pay in cash, check or wire transfer. Sellers with an offer under $400 will receive a check only.

What you should know about selling your luxury watch

Similar to jewelry, watches of high quality can be valuable for decades and centuries after purchase. While there are some exceptions, the price you paid will likely be more than the price you get in resale.

  • Antique watches are at least 100 years old.
  • Vintage watches are at least 20 years old.
  • A watch less than 20 years is likely to be classified as simply “old.”

To determine the age of a watch, as well as an antique watch’s value, and how to determine the value of a vintage watch or pocket watch, you must open the timepiece and find a serial number on the movements. If your watch does not have a serial number, a highly trained watch expert may be able to determine the make, model and year of your piece.

In fact, before you sell your timepiece, it is important to get an appraisal from a reputable jeweler who can offer you a certified appraisal, or authentication. Worthy has all the watches it manages sent to Central Watch for authentication.

What affects the value of your watch?

Here are some of the factors that can help determine the price you will receive for your watch:

  • Brand and model (see below for a list of luxury brands buyers are most interested in)
  • Limited production numbers
  • Swiss Made
  • Manufacturer-made movements (not replacements or repairs)
  • Construction using precious metals including gold and platinum
  • High-quality jewels and stones
  • Age and history of the watch
  • Quality of the clasp and band

What if you don’t know the brand of your watch? How can you check the quality and value of your luxury timepiece, whether your watch is gold, chrome or has a leather band?

If you have determined that yours is not a name-brand watch that is valuable as its own, you might investigate how much it costs to repair. For most vintage watches, the cost can be $200 to $500 — or more. This is likely more expensive than you would get to even sell the gold pieces in the watch — especially since today the price of gold per ounce has been near record highs. 

Inherited a watch? Learn more about selling estate jewelry.

Which luxury watch holds its value best?

According to Watch Time magazine, Rolex and Patek Philippe watches hold their value the best.

More on how to sell your Cartier

How to find the value of a luxury watch (i.e. How much is my watch worth?)

If you have a vintage or antique watch — or simply a used luxury timepiece you no longer want — gather all the information you have on it, and start with one of the online marketplaces like Chrono24.com or even eBay, to understand a ballpark price you may receive.

You can take your old watch to a local jeweler or watch repairer, who can give you an appraisal, which is a written statement of the estimated replacement value of your watch. Replacement value is not the same as the resale value, which will be much lower. An appraisal is useful to understand more about your timepiece, and for insurance purposes.

From there, if you understand that your watch is worth in the thousands of dollars, consider taking it to one of the big auction houses like Sothebys or Christie’s, which all have qualified watch experts on staff.

Also, you can send your watch to Worthy.com which will send your watch to be authenticated by CentralWatch, a trusted and well-known watch repair and service provider.

Recently sold Cartier Tank

sell cartier tank watch online price

Recently sold Patek Philippe

Recently sold Patek Philippe watcg

Recently sold Omega

Recently sold Omega watch

Recently sold Hublot

Recently sold Hublot watch

Recently sold Chopard

Recently sold Chopard watcg

Recently sold Bulgari

Recently sold Bulgari watch

FAQs about how to sell my watch

Know that if you have a gold, or gold-tone watch that is not a known brand name, you may be able to sell for the value of the metal — which is great news since gold prices have been at record highs in recent years. Learn more about selling gold

Have more questions about how to sell a watch? We have answers:

Can you sell your ex’s watch?

What if he moved out and left his watch in the dresser drawer or safety deposit box. Is it yours to sell?

The division of assets in a divorce is tricky territory best left to an attorney’s advice, but some general guidelines:

  • If he or she abandoned the home and did not make claims to any property, it may be yours to keep.
  • If the watch was a gift (from you or someone else), as well as an item he inherited, it would likely be deemed his alone.
  • If the watch is of significant value and something you purchased together as a couple, it would likely be considered a marital asset, the value of which would be divided equally (you can of course sell it, and divide any cash proceeded).
  • If you made a good-faith effort to return the watch to her, but she did not accept it, it could be considered yours.

Again, ask a lawyer.

How do I find out how much my watch is worth?

To sell your watch, start by getting an appraisal.

How can I sell my expensive watch?

If you have a luxury watch that is worth a very high amount of money more than $100,000, call one of the major auction houses. However, Worthy and myGemma are connected to the watch-buyer and collector community and can help you find the highest price for your timepiece.

Can I sell old watches for cash?

Pawn shops, consignment stores, many jewelry stores and even high-end jewelry and watch buyers are accustomed to paying cash for old watches. CashforGoldUSA is recommended for old, broken watches.

Bottom line: Is there a market for used watches?

Yes! There is a robust market for used watches and timepieces. You have learned how to sell a watch online, so we recommend you start with CashforGoldUSA now >>


Can you sell your ex’s watch?

The division of assets in a divorce is tricky territory best left to an attorney’s advice.

How do I find out how much my watch is worth?

To sell your watch, start by getting an appraisal.

How can I sell my expensive watch?

If you have a luxury watch that is worth a very high amount of money, say, more than $100,000, call one of the major auction houses. However, online watch buyers are deeply connected to the watch-buyer and collector community and can help you find the highest price for your timepiece, no matter the price.

Can I sell old watches for cash?

Pawn shops, consignment stores, many jewelry stores and even high-end jewelry and watch buyers are accustomed to paying cash for old watches.