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What to tell your kid when their dad is not involved

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Dear Emma,

When my daughter was six months old, her dad left and more or less never showed up again. There were a few visits for a few years, and a couple of visits to family court for child support, but since then we have not heard or seen from him. My daughter is now 8 years old.

We don't talk about it much and I feel like it isn't such a huge deal. She is a great kid — does well in school, has lots of friends and is polite. We are close with my parents and siblings, who live nearby. I am glad that I get her all to myself and don't have to share custody like some of my divorced friends. Sometimes people say things to me like, “I feel so bad for her that she doesn't know her father.” She never mentions her dad, and I feel like she doesn't care. She doesn't know any different. What should I tell all these rude people who judge our situation?

— Shannon

Dear Shannon,

I’m not worried about your rude neighbors. I am worried about you and your daughter.

Absentee fatherhood is a huge, complicated problem in this country. Incarceration, a culture and family court system that presumes fathers are incompetent, and other lack of support for shared parenting are among the causes for the fact that just 22 percent of fathers who don’t live with their kids see them once per week or more, according to Pew Research, and nearly a third never see their kids.

This, of course, is heart-breaking for your child, and stressful for you as a single mom.  If your child’s dad is not, or marginally involved, there are a few guiding principles for addressing your child’s concerns and questions.

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Father not involved in child’s life? What do you do?

Every family is different, but here are some things to consider:

Work on co-parenting

If there is some communication, take the opportunity to improve co-parenting. Men are typically marginalized as secondary parents, and statistically likely to duck out of their kids’ lives if they have limited visits and a high-conflict relationship.

How to co-parent, even with a toxic ex

Types of co-parenting

Why 50/50 parenting is best for kids

Out now from Sourcebooks:

The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier and Healthier after a Split

by Emma Johnson

Cover of The 50/50 Solution book by Emma Johnson.

Featured in Newsweek, MSN, Slate.

Face your own anger at your kids' father

You may be angry that he gets to check out and expects you to take on the extra responsibility. That is a legit complaint! You may consider taking him to family court and demanding an equal parenting schedule. 

Missing dads are always an issue

But don’t pretend there is no issue. You, your child, and together as a family you may benefit from individual therapy or group therapy.


Looking for your kid's dad, but not sure where to start?

Background check tools like TruthFinder can be free or affordable ways to find people online you have lost touch with — or never knew.

TruthFinder has an A+ BBB rating.


What to say to your child when his dad is not involved:

1. Be honest. Don’t say he died if he didn’t. Never say “He’s working far away.” Your child deserves the truth, even if it is painful for both of you to address.

2. Be kind, and keep your feelings out of it. “Being a parent is really hard for some people, and your dad wasn’t ready to be a parent yet.”

3. As you will do in your relationship with your child’s father, as well as in your own heart, you will keep the door open to future, improved relationships. At the same time, be very careful not to nurture false hope in your child. It’s a tough balance, but an important one. Note in the “yet” in the sample script above.

4. Answer all their questions. “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” or “We don’t talk about that in our family.” These create the notion of secrets, and secrets foster shame, self-hatred, and lack of trust.

5. Highlight the fact that there are all kinds of families, and every family is whole. Even if it feels silly, as you go through your day, or are watching movies or TV, point out gay families, interracial families, kids being raised by grandparents, multigenerational households, friends who live together, foster and adoptive families, how some groups of friends create families, and on and on. Then, name the people in your family — blood relatives, friends, your neighborhood network. Do this enough and nuclear, married, straight families start to seem like the weirdoes!

6. That said, do not dismiss or minimize pain that a child experiences by his father being absent from his life. It might be really, really hard to hear, but listen. It sucks to feel like you’re the only kid at school whose dad isn’t around. It hurts like hell when your birthday comes around and your father doesn’t call. You worry you did something wrong, or you’re unlovable, or deeply flawed — no matter how great your mom and life are.

My father was mostly not part of my life after age 8, and there was no space for me to talk about it. Growing up with my mom, I heard no positive stories about my father, and no space for any of us to ask questions, or to share hurt feelings about the matter. The few times I remember asking about my dad, I was just reminded of how good our life was, which only made me feel stupid and selfish for feeling so horrible for not having an involved father.

I think my mom felt really bad about the situation, and didn’t know how to deal with her own feelings, much less her kids’. Fast-forward to today, after plenty of therapy and other ways of processing my daddy issues, I now find myself answering my children’s questions about why they don’t know their paternal grandfather. While your son or daughter is not your bartender, talking with your child openly can be a wonderful way to heal your own heart, too.

7. Do not always wait for your child to ask. For many reasons, your child may not bring up the fact that her father isn’t part of her life. It is up to you to talk about it very early, even earlier than you may think reasonable. One day, when my daughter came home from school and said, “Today Sofia talked about how both our parents are divorced.” She was 3! Even as a toddler your child sees her friends with two parents. Movies and TV shows and books are powerful messages, consisting almost always of a mother and father. It is your responsibility to address this, even if she doesn’t initiate the discussion.

8. Remember: Life is long. The questions will continue throughout your life, and each conversation at each age will lend new perspective and healing for both you, your child, as well as your relationship with each other.

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What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Often, articles and even academic studies cite that 1-in-4 kids grow up fatherless, even though that figure is based on U.S. Census data that a quarter of children in the United States are raised in a home led by a single mother. However, most of those kids have a relationship with their dads, including in 50-50 time-sharing families. 

However, a lack of meaningful involvement with either parent is often devastating to a child—especially if that parent is alive, and ostentibally able to be involved if he chooses. 

Based on an analysis of dozens of studies, the federally funded Fatherhood Initiative reports that a child who grows up without meaningful time with his or her father, that child is more likely to struggle with:

  • Poor academic performance 
  • Emotional struggles 
  • Drop out 
  • Early sexual activity and teen pregnancy 
  • Incarceration 
  • Employment, long-term 
  • Mental and physical health issues 

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Alternatively, adults with a fear of abandonment may lack boundaries and be overly needy and dependent in an attempt to protect themselves.

When a parent is absent from a child’s life — no matter by choice, imprisonment or death — it is a loss. It is a loss for that child and a loss for those who love her.

Your child may ask you:

“Who is my dad?”

“How is my dad?”

“How old is my dad?”

“Where is my dad?”

“Where can I find my dad?”

“Why is my dad so mean?”

“Is my dad dead?”

We are all socially conditioned and predisposed with a deep need to know both our mother and our father. Socially, it is easy to understand that the majority of people grow up living with both a mother and a father — and nearly everyone else knows both parents. That is the norm. Your daughter is very aware that her family does not look like other families. She understands deeply that most of her friends have relationships with their dads and she does not.

We are biologically half our mothers and half our fathers. Humans have an intrinsic need for family. We yearn to know our relatives so that we can better know ourselves. When we are raised apart from our families, homelands and extended cultures, there is a sense of loss that transcends our daily experience.

This explains why people who are adopted are compelled to find their birth parents — no matter how wonderful their adoptive families. This also explains why humans are driven to visit their ancestral homelands, even when they are removed from the place by generations. This is why companies like DNA mapping companies 23andMe.com and Ancestry.com are so successful, and genealogy is among the most popular hobbies in the United States — and world.

Not every person will know both their parents. This is a fact. This does not mean that your daughter does not have a fantastic life, or that she is a wonderful child who will grow up to be a happy, productive and lovely adult.

But that does not mean that the process will be easy.

Before you can support your child, you must address your own loss and grief.

When your ex-husband left and abandoned your daughter, he also abandoned you — both as a husband but more to the point here, as a co-parent. You also suffered a loss in that you do not have someone to help raise your daughter — even if it means separately, as divorced parents. You do not have anyone to enjoy their sweet habits, or commiserate on the daily challenges of parenthood. You do not enjoy a happy co-parenting arrangement that gives you a break. Most of all, you suffer because deep down you know that your daughter is hurt. That, for any mother, is devastating.

This situation can be changed. But you must take action.

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First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. It may not be your fault. Maybe it is. But it is your responsibility as a parent to address it. First, acknowledge how this has affected you personally. Lean into that pain. Right now you are avoiding that pain, which is why you are dismissing it in your daughter. Just sit with it. Cry, scream, punch the refrigerator or write him an angry letter you never send. Whatever is your way, go there.

Then, recognize that he is human. When a parent abandons a child, that parent is deeply wounded. There is a reason they cannot fulfill their responsibility. They do not recognize they are worthy of being needed, or can bring value to another person’s life. Your ex misses out — in a very major way — of the joy of raising and loving his child. He also suffers knowing that he deeply hurts her. Every day.

Recognizing this is part of the process of forgiveness. It involves empathy and grace. It will take time. But you must get there — for your sake, and that of your daughter.

While you work through that, you must now face your daughter.

Talk with her. Say: “I’ve been thinking a lot about your dad. I imagine you do, too. How do you feel about the fact you don’t know him?”

Ask her how she feels when she visits friends who live with their dads — or have visitation schedules with both their divorced parents. Tell her about her father, how you met him, what you liked and loved about him. Tell her stories about your time with him, and stories he told you about his life. Tell her about his family and jokes he told. Ask her what she’d like to know about him. Answer honestly — including about the part where he left. And why he doesn’t call. If you don’t know how to answer some questions, say so. “I wish I knew, but I don’t.”

That is just the first conversation.

Have another the next week.

And the next.

You may not have weekly conversations about your daughter’s father for the rest of your lives. But get into a habit of talking about him. About her father. Give her permission to ask, and to feel. Do not sugar coat the information, or your own feelings. Especially as she gets older, tell her what really went down, and how absolutely infuriated you were — and maybe still are. By recognizing your feelings and sharing them honestly with her, you give her permission to recognize and honor her own, complex and human feelings.

Only then can both of you move forward with a full, wonderful — and complex — life you were meant to have.

A definitive list of 7 co-parenting boundaries you need to know

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness. These reasons include:

  • Parental alienation, as this father explains
  • He did not want to be a father in the first place
  • Conflict with the mother was too much
  • The father cannot afford child support, and pursuing more parenting time means increased risk of going to jail
  • He doesn’t feel confident as a father — and with minimal parenting time each month, it is hard to grow as a dad

How co co-parent with a narcissistic or toxic ex


If a father doesn’t want to be involved, is this child abandonment or fatherlessness?

If a non-custodial parent — mother or father — is found to have willingly abandoned the child, they may lose parental rights depending on state law and a judge’s ruling. This can mean that the father is not allowed to have visitation or legal rights to his child. It can also mean that in the absence of other safe adults to care for the child, the child will be taken into the welfare system, including foster care.

There are Safe Haven laws in all 50 states and Puerto Rico, which decriminalize the leaving of unharmed infants at a police station, fire station or hospital so that the child becomes a ward of the state. 

Outside of safe haven laws, parents technically cannot voluntarily forfeit their parenting responsibilities without facing criminal consequences. 

While all states have child support policies and laws that force (in theory) parents to contribute financially to their children, there is no mandate for non-custodial parents to participate in the physical caring of children.

Child abandonment laws usually apply when a custodial parent or guardian fails to care for a child, leaves them with another adult for long periods without contact, and sometimes leaves a child alone at home, unattended.

The laws on these issues vary from state-to-state, and sometimes apply to non-custodial parents, but not typically.

Child abandonment may be an emotionally traumatic experience, though not a criminal one.

Proving child abandonment may be required to win full legal and/or physical custody of a child. Parents who wish to relocate with a child may want to prove abandonment or have the child adopted by a step-parent or other adult.

These are examples that a court may consider criminal child abandonment by a custodial parent or guardian, according to the U.S. Health and Human Services’s Children’s Bureau:

  • Leaving a child with another person without making arrangements to care for or communicate with the child for three or more months
  • Failing to maintain a regular visitation schedule for at least six months
  • Abandoning an infant in an unsafe place — as most states have ‘safe haven laws’ that allow mothers to leave their newborns in designated places such as a hospital, police station or church without facing criminal charges.
  • Leaving the child home alone in a situation deemed unsafe
  • Otherwise failing to provide care, support or reasonable resources (food, clothing, heat) for a child you are responsible for

Fatherlessness, meanwhile, refers simply to kids who grow up without an involved dad, for whatever reason.

Absent father now wants contact: What to do

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

That means that even though a father is not involved with their kids today, there is an opportunity for them to be involved going forward.

Order Legal Paternity Testing for Custody Documentation

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

Movies and books on absent fathers and shared parenting:

Recommended shared parenting documentary: Divorce Corp

Kickass Single Mom, Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children, By: Emma Johnson

Blend, The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family, By: Mashonda Tifrere

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You, By: by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD and Paul R Fine, LCSW

Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak


Is your child’s father not as involved as he should be? How do you deal with it? What mistakes have you made? What advice can you share with other parents? Share in the comments…

Single mom parenting after divorce. My kid's dad is not involved and I don't know what to say to her. First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. It is not your fault. It is life. But it is your responsibility as a parent to address it.
What are the effects of fatherlessness?

Being abandoned as a child often produces adults who struggle to trust friends, colleagues or romantic partners. They may struggle with self-esteem, having an early message that they are unworthy of unconditional love. Adults with abandonment issues may unconsciously push people away, and repeat distant behaviors with their loved ones.

Why fathers are absent in their children’s lives?

There are many reasons that explain fatherlessness: parental alienation, conflict with mother, can't afford child support, and more.

Does an absent father have rights?

Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if possible. This includes reuniting children with willing fathers who have been absent from their lives, as well as recognize legal joint custody when considering matters such as where a child goes to school, where the child lives, and religious and medical decisions — regardless of the father’s or mother’s actual participation in the child’s life.

Does an absent father feel guilty?

Many fathers who do not see their children regularly do feel guilty they are not more involved, or feel angry that they feel they were kept from being involved with their children. Parents who do not see their kids often miss them very much.

132 Comments

My kids’ father walked away from the 3 of us the very next day after I had given birth to our son in Nov of 2021. We have a complicated situation. Father and I met in 2013. We lost a daughter at 25.5wks gestation (she survived for 6 days before passing). I went through grieving her alone due to his “inability to cope with death”. I got pregnant again with our daughter 2 months after losing our first. She is now 8yrs old n very healthy! 2 wks after we found out u was pregnant with her, he got sent to prison for almost 4yrs, so I went through pregnancy and birth alone. Raised her for those almost 4yrs solely on my own while he completed his time in prison. He gets out and comes to our home, only to start putting his hands on me, which I wasn’t gonna tolerate him doing in front of our daughter letting her believe that behavior is OK so I kicked him out. We decided to stay together but temporarily live apart until we learned to handle our issues appropriately. He started to sleep with other women. So I ended things. During the time of our separation but still together, he saw his daughter very minimally and provided for her even less. He is a felon but maintains FT work through temp agencies. Fast forward a year. He indicates that despite him living with his girlfriend and them having a baby together, he wants to start “seeing me” again. I, at first, refuse telling him to go back home to where his girlfriend is at. Needless to say, I broke down after 2wks of begging. He would come to our apartment without even checking on his daughter even though she would be asleep, I felt that was the least he could do n despite me bringing it up, he still never would. Nor would he leave $10, 20 on the counter for her. He has done very, very little to support our daughter, let alone be involved. I’ve offered ways for him to help support without me going to child support office. Such as calling me anytime he went to Walmart or where ever shopping for his other family, to just send me a text or call me n ask if our daughter needed anything. Easy. So I thought. He never once took me up on this opportunity. Keep in mind I’m on County assistance n have been since I was pregnant with our first daughter who passed. And why County never started a child support case upon his release from prison is beyond me. Especially since he works FT granted its only temporary work. I’ve given him ideas on what he can do with our daughter during his “time” with her, cuz he would not show up multiple times stating he never “knew what he could do that was different”. He continued to do no shows on his visit days n I stopped pushing for them when our daughter got old enough to tell me that she didnt want anything to do with him anymore cuz she was tired of being let down. I had no influence in her decision. Intact, if anything I encouraged them to be in communication n to have a relationship but he never took to it n she ended up getting tired of being hurt over n over, which I dont blame her for feeling this way. However, he n I continued our “side actions”, me knowing about his girlfriend n son in a different city but honestly I didnt care cuz I wanted the feeling of retaliation on her for breaking up our home. The father knew I wasn’t on birth control n was fine with it, until I became pregnant with our son. Then he wanted me to have an abortion but I refused to. During my pregnancy he told me that he would buy the baby the travel system, bassinet, etc. The closer I got to my due date and still hadn’t been provided a pack of diapers, I knew it all was lies. Again. He would tell me that once he had told his gf about me being pregnant with his child, it became too much for him to handle cuz she made it too stressful for him everytime he would tell her he was coming her to “see his daughter”. I’m sure it wasn’t a very comforting time for him but he should’ve known or realized life wouldn’t be peaches n roses once the truth came to the surface. I was fully aware n prepared for some bumps but I never expected for him to fully walk away like he has. Right before I went into labor he had been going back n forth about signing his rights over on both of my kids but I would remind him that with me being on County assistance, they wouldn’t allow for that to happen. He stated that he didnt care, that he’d “still find a way”. After I gave birth to our son in Nov of 2021, I invited the father to come to the hospital to meet his son and he walked straight into my room (son was in the NICU) and the first thing he said to me was “I need to tell you I want to sign over my rights for good on both of the kids” (he signed the ROP while he was in prison as well as having the DNA comparison done for our daughter). I wasn’t given a thank you for going through another birth alone or for having our son or asked how our son was doing or where he was at since he wasnt with me in my hospital room. I got “I wanna tell you that I want to sign over my rights for good on both of the kids”. I told him that I didnt know why he came to the hospital to meet his son since then there wouldn’t be any reason for our son to see him. He turned around and walked out of my room and then out of the hospital and thats the last I’ve heard from him or seen him. We have lived in the same apartment for almost 6yrs, I have the same email address that he has previously contacted me through, I had the same phone number up until about 6months ago. His gf has family who lives right down the street from us that they visit frequently. My daughter n I have seen him drive by us while weve been on the sidewalk walking to the neighborhood corner store. There is no excuse for his absenteeism. I havent seen $5 from him since before my son was even born. Things are extremely tight for me but we keep on going n do the best we can with what we have. I feel I’m doing the best I can cuz I know that I literally am the only person my kids have that they know love them unconditionally n I’ve told my daughter many times that its not her fault or because of anything she did or said that made her father choose such a selfish action. We survive. But now after my son is 2yrs old, child support has FINALLY stepped up and has a case on him but being that he’s abandoned all 3 of us, I really dont want things disrupted. My daughter is determined at 8yrs old that she doesn’t want to see him or speak to him. A decision she made after his failed visitations. I know that I will most likely never see a dime from him cuz he will figure a way to ditch it. There are other reasons I feel its in our best interest to have no contact from him that I’d rather not say online but his arrest record, which shows his character and history of physical abuse against me is enough in my eyes. But I really could use the financial help. Its to the point where I have a difficult time buying the necessities n being that he knowingly contributed his sperm n DNA he should be accountable financially. Any possibility of this being granted without a visitation order in place? He has already shown n proven he chooses not to follow a visitation order made by himself in front of a Judge. He couldn’t keep the days and hours he said he wanted n that only last for literally the very first weekend ordered, after that it went all downhill from there. I’m sorry this lengthy but I needed to give you a perspective from all angles to get the honest picture painted so I can get an accurate answer. Thank you.

I was married for 18 years and found out that my ex husband molested our 12 year old daughter. He went to prison for 10 years. We have 3 children together and at the time when he went into prison my daughters were 12 and 7 and my son was 3 so he doesn’t remember him at all. Now my son is eight years old and wants my friend to be his dad. I’ve know my friend for about 15 years so my kids have always been around him. I already explained to him that he already has a dad and he cries and tells me he doesn’t want the one he has. My heart breaks for him and I don’t know what to do. All my kids know what happen and why their dad is in prison. He’s not allowed to talk or see them until there 18.

Your advise lacks some basic understanding of a parent who “choses” not to parent. You encourage the remaining parent to say positive things but don’t lie. By putting a positive spin on the other parent “they just were not ready” you excuse abandonment and justify the action.

The child will views this non caring parent as decent and kind when the opposite is usually true. You also advise the custodial parent say “untrue” things that you think are appropriate. How about the real truth. Something along the lines of “many adults are selfish”.

Truth too much for you? You come off as an incompetent bloviating pontificating buffoon.. Stop telling the rest of us what is right I have adult children raised by parents and step parents the real truth always worked it taught the kids what to expect from the other parent and not to be so disappointed when they failed. Your candy coating to make “Daddy” look good shows your issues.

This!!!! My thought exactly! Thank you!

I became a teen mom at 15 by A MAN 10 years older than me. He was a true pedophile only as a lid I didn’t see that until later. My family and culture sees this a norm. Older men with little girls so no one batted an eye. On the contrary, my sexual relationship started with him when I was TURNING 12! It was highly highly abusive. Only I was a kid going through so many changes, being in a new country, new school, no dad myself, my mom lost from one boyfriend to the next, the second of my 6 siblings, my sister being so immature so I had to raise them all, cook, clean, school , groceries… so that being “his woman” felt part of how things should be in my child head. Fast foward I grew up and he lost intrest in me, started relationships with other little girls and THATS when I noticed the problem that everyone seemed to be so comfortable with. When I got pregnant it was pinned on me, soley on me. That ***I*** seduced him. My mom forced me to mary him shortly after and falsified his petition to the US. He arrives shortly after a scandal of him and his father molesting his 3 year old neice for 3 years came to light. I knew this to be true as many many times i brought up their inappropriate behavior to the childs mother, grandmother and family but my grandmother and mom would tell him to hold my tongue that i cant certify what i dont know. But i did. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach… why would 2 adult grown men take a 3, 4 , 5 year old to a SHARED twinxl size BED at night? Taking advantage that her trash mother would leave her alone at night…. Fast foward today thankfully I am married to my best friend. We share 2 children. My son turns 14 today. And my mother who still has a relationship with this man, who my son doesn’t know , calls me to tell me that he had a car accident and was unconscious for 5 days. That he is fine and will be fine but he wants to talk to my son… everyone is pressuring me to allow this with the same mentality of the author of this post but I disagree strongly. He has never been in his life. Being who he is i don’t want that to start now. I would not trust this man KILOMETERS away from my child. I don’t understand how no one gets it… more so make me feel like I’m the problem.

I was married toy first 5 children’s dad for 17 years. He was my first everything. About 12 years in he got really abusive, in every way first to me and then the children. About a year or two before we split I didn’t know he was using hard drugs. I suspected he was but when I asked him he got really angry. So I just avoided him as much as I could. The kids did the same. We lived walking on egg shells all the time. The abuse got worse. And one day I discovered he had been stealing from my grandmother that I was the poa for. He was the secondary poa. I couldn’t stop him. I lost everything but my children over it. And we divorced. He then went on a binge for about 2 years, drugs,running from the cops it was terrible. And we lived in the area this was happening. My kids to this day are judged because of their father. I even went to prison over the theft because he wouldn’t admit that it was him and not me. I was away from my kids for 9 months. It was terrible. I was lucky to have people there for me until I got out. After a few years of no child support no contact with the kids except for negative the state took his rights. I didn’t even know until they had me file for support. It’s not that I don’t want them to have a father. It broke my heart when my 5 year old son asked why he can’t have a daddy. My response was that sometimes people aren’t in a spot to be a good parent so it’s best that they aren’t around. Which he seemed to accept. But every day I feel like a failure that I’m never enough, there are 6 of them and one of me and it never fails I can’t spread out the attention how I wish I could. How someone could chose drugs and themselves over their children I will never understand. I am blessed that I have them and I wouldn’t change it for the world but it is hard. So very hard alone. I wish I could give them more, everything they deserve but I can only do so much. And they say that it’s the mom’s making it like the dad’s were so bad, that’s not always true. I never even told the courts or dhhs how bad it really was. I didn’t want him in more trouble, I even tried getting along after he was released from prison. But he just can’t get along and started harassing the older kids on social media. So at this point I have just blocked him and my latest babies father who was also an addict ( which is funny since I have never been a user lolaybe I’m addicted to addicts ) the kids are still dealing with the after effects how many years later but have gotten so much better. But they will always wonder why their dad couldn’t be a real dad. And after a couple failed attempts at dating I think that some of us just are ment to be alone. 6 kids and almost 40 isn’t too appealing to most men. So single ladies with or without a man you can do it. Some days it’s hard and you just want to cry but just remember that your kids will always remember that you were there and you did your best even on the hard days and they will always think of you as their super hero even when they are being little shits. Lol stay strong

The father of my babies went to work overseas.
He is emotionally abuse me. Aswell as bad mouthing my parents, who was only good for him
Then he keeps telling me that I must take the children and go. He does not want to be apart of our lives anymore.
I must also take him off the birth certificate as he is not the father.
He made me move and now say he will not pay the rent or give any money for the care of the children.

1. What do i do?
2. How do i tell my 15 month old baby his dad do not want him.

Whoever writes these beit favoring mom or dad is in my opinion just making it worse . Every situation is different and can be downright diabolical and not even subject to a lame statistic . This is t the NBA or .lb ..it’s the lives of kids and what one parent says to a child is not always the right for a similar situation. We are not robots were hunan.s with individual.feelings..

This advice is so misguided. Shame on you for shaming this mother into lying about the selfish man. I am so tired of having to baby men into getting them to account for their responsibilities. Nobody babied me and I stepped up. I could really give af what the stereotypes are… men don’t leave because they’re deemed the “second parent”, men leave because they want to.

I appreciate the advice here but I am finding it increseigly difficult to find help myself as it’s all too complicated, abused 15 years tried to prove contact detrimental to children then 2 years ago awarded contact twice a week unsupervised fortunately he hardly showed, now after thousands of pounds and nobody listening to the threat I said he posed or the boundless evidence that wasn’t good enough, he has been arrested for rape 3 counts of sexual assalt and being a pedophile how on earth do I explain to a 4 year old daddy can’t see you because he’s in jail and may have touched up both your half sisters, honestly isn’t going to work here

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