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I meet most men that I date online. 

If you decide you will be dating a man with kids, it's very common for guys with children to write in their dating profiles:

“My kids come first,”

or

“My daughter is the center of my world!”

Should a man put his girlfriend first?

If you ask me should a man put his girlfriend first, here’s my quick answer:

At first, no.

But once the relationship becomes a serious, long-term commitment, the relationship should come before the kids' every whim. However, child wellbeing is first.

More details on:

7 thing to know when dating a man with kids

1. “My boyfriend puts his child before me”
2. You may be introduced as “the new friend”
3. “Dating a man with kids and feeling left out”
4. Sometimes you will not feel like a priority
5. “Boyfriend not bonding with my child”
6. “My boyfriend's child is ruining our relationship”
7. Some women report feeling unimportant in a relationship

How to date a man with a child

Red flags when dating a man with kids

• Non-existent or contradictory digital footprint
• Poor dating etiquette
• Signs of narcissistic behavior
• Consumed with their past, their child, or themselves
• No access to family or friends

Pros and cons of dating a man with kids

Dating a man with kids FAQs

Emma's takeaway on dating a man with kids

Hey single mom— Do you tell your son he’s the man of the house? 16 tips for raising sons

7 things to know when dating a man with kids

Do these statements ring true to you?

1. “My boyfriend puts his child before me”

This is so common and can be a tricky situation. Especially early in a new relationship with kids, when you crave more time with your man, he prioritizes his children, and you feel left out.

2. You may be introduced as “the new friend”

It’s hard to date when you have kids — it can be confusing and overwhelming, parents can feel guilty and ashamed (whether that is justified or not). Maybe you and your lover don’t really know what to call each other yet, or your boyfriend is worried that saying “girlfriend” will be confusing or overly committal. 

Just talk about it ahead of time and be honest about your feelings. Also, be sensitive to how he is feeling and his confusion or overwhelm.

3. “Dating a man with kids and feeling left out”

Perhaps he wants to mostly keep his kids separate from his romantic life, or he is taking slower to blend his relationship with his home life. Or, maybe you expect more from the relationship than is healthy. Or, maybe you each want different things from the relationship.

Consider filling your own life with meaningful friendships, a career, hobbies and fitness. Perhaps your boyfriend will invite you into his homelife if you are less clingy. Or, you will each realize you want different things from the partnership and go your separate ways.

4. Sometimes you will not feel like a priority

When your boyfriend puts his kids first, it is natural to feel left out, and sometimes you will not feel like a priority. And maybe you’re not — after all, your relationship may be new, he may not be that serious about you or the relationship, or maybe he is just busy with things outside of his relationship. 

Also: you may be especially vulnerable or needy for reasons that have nothing to do with him, and are issues that you bring to the relationship. Everyone is a human here. 

5. “Boyfriend not bonding with my child”

There are so many reasons why a boyfriend/girlfriend does not bond with the other partner's child. These include:

• The child is jealous of the new partner
• The partner is jealous of the child
• Their personalities just don't jibe—just like two adults do not naturally get along, this can be true for a child-adult relationship, too.

Here are some tips:

• Be patient. Once both the partner and child realize there is enough love to go around, everyone may calm down and connect
• Find ways for your boyfriend or girlfriend to spend one-on-one time together. Focus on everyday tasks (rather than big special outings or treats), like a grocery store run, washing the car, or cooking together. Once you remove yourself, they have a chance to create their own bond
• Keep in mind that children go through phases they quickly grow out of, as do adults. Likewise, relationships have ups and downs and seasons.
• Seek outside perspectives. Ask your friends with blended families for advice, and ask them to watch how your new brood interacts — and be open to feedback. Consider therapy.

6. “My boyfriend's child is ruining our relationship”

Or, his kids start to manipulate him and have an upper hand in the family — and he lets them.

Men, just like moms, can feel the pressure to prioritize children above all else. Maybe he feels guilty that he is not with his child's mom, or that he left the relationship, or he wants to be a better father than his own dad.

Or, maybe he is using his child as an excuse not to get close to you. This may be a conscious decision — or it could be percolating at an unconscious level. We all have ways we sabotage relationships out of fear of intimacy, and we need to be aware of red flags when we are dating someone with kids.

7. Some women report feeling unimportant in a relationship

If a man makes a point of consistently prioritizing his children over you, you might feel like you don’t matter in comparison, and feelings of jealousy may start to arise.

Relationships are all about communication, and if you don’t feel like you are an important part of your partner’s life, tell him that — or evaluate whether this is the right relationship for you. 

This Reddit user is the perfect example of someone who got into a relationship with a single father without realizing she wouldn’t always be the priority. People in the comments were quick to point out that she was the red flag — not her widowed boyfriend: 

My (33F) boyfriend (35M) always chooses his kids over me.
byu/THROWRA_baia711 inrelationship_advice

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I hear that so many times from both women and men who are heartbroken, abused or otherwise disappointed that a relationship or marriage didn't work out. In hindsight, red flags were always there >>

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Into older men? Do’s and don’ts for dating an older man

Check out this video of Adrienne Bailon from The Real talking about dating a man with a child:

Is it hard to date a man with kids? Challenges to be aware of:

Yes, it can be hard dating someone with a child because you have to contend with things like custody schedules, ex partners, and eventually meeting his kids. That being said, every single dad has different circumstances, and if you are willing to be flexible, you can have a meaningful relationship with a man who has kids. 

When it comes to relationships, I'm fond of saying, “You never really know what goes on between people.” 

But there are a few couples in my life who I look to as models of the kind of marriage I'd like one day.

People who really enjoy each other. Respect and support one another.

In these families, the parents put their relationship before the kids. They are the dynamic force around which the family's life orbits. And everyone thrives as a result.

There is lots of research to suggest that a happy marriage is the cornerstone of well-adjusted kids.

Celebrity sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., writes in her relationship guide, The Book of Love:

“No matter how sacrilegious it sounds, you need to put your relationship before your children. A strong relationship provides security for your children and demonstrates how a loving, respectful partnership should be. What could be more important?”

That's a tricky proposition for single parents. If you're not in a committed relationship, it is very easy to make your children the prominent focus of your life and tell partners: My kids come first.

After all, children can be so demanding — not to mention fulfilling.

Plus, if you've gone through a divorce or another crisis that landed you as a single parent, you are no doubt concerned about giving your kids extra care and a sense of security.

A few tips for dating single dads that may apply, though of course every dad is unique:

• Be respectful of his time with his kids. 
• Be mindful that if he doesn’t have his kids 50% of the time, that may not be his choice.
• He’s the parent — not you.

Continue reading more tips here on dating a man with kids: The benefits of dating a single dad

Red flags when dating a man with kids

Some dating red flags include addiction, violent behavior, poor money management, infidelity, and other forms of undesirable behavior. Although no one is perfect, how your partner chooses to handle those problems is important.

Here’s how to spot red flags when dating a man with kids:

Non-existent or contradictory digital footprint

While not everyone is on social media, you should be able to find something online about him. If your Google search turns up nothing, it’s possible that it’s on purpose. He might be running from the law or not truthful about his identity. 

Conversely, a quick check of socials could reveal tons of information that contradicts what he told you, such as:

• Being married or in a committed relationship
• Criminal activity
• Extreme political stances
• Co-parenting drama

Poor dating etiquette

If you decide to go on a first date, pay attention to his behavior. Any of these actions or reactions could be deal breakers:

• Being late or not showing with no explanation or apology
• Being rude to waitstaff
• Getting drunk
• Speaking negatively about his ex
• Starts talking about sex early in the date
• Doesn't ask questions or share his thoughts
• Being disrespectful of your boundaries

While a sick child or parental duties can impact plans, red flags shouldn’t be ignored. Pay attention to common red flags to ensure that you are walking into a healthy relationship and keep your eyes open for bad behavior as you progress and get to know him better.

Signs of narcissistic behavior

Narcissists are all about themselves. They often lack empathy for others, require and show excessive admiration, and see themselves as superior to others. 

Here are some relationship red flags that you are dating a man with a narcissistic personality:

• He showers you with excessive gifts early in the relationship and may pressure you to return the favor
• He calls you names or lashes out at you if you don’t agree with his point of view
• He gaslights you — making you feel crazy for bringing up issues about you relationship that bother you

Even if he does not show these behaviors toward you, watch how he treats others, especially his children.

You can always do a background check on someone who seems shady.

Consumed with their past, their child, or themselves

Does he always talk about his ex? Does he only talk about his child? Maybe he makes it a point to talk only about himself, taking over any conversation you try to have. Be aware of how you communicate with each other. It can be a telltale sign that something is not right.

No access to family or friends

If you’re seriously dating but have never met his child, family, or friends, you should ask why. It can be normal to wait to introduce a new person, but if the timeframe is excessive (a year or more), there could be an issue.

Pros and cons of dating a man with kids

While dating can be a fulfilling experience, there are some pros and cons to consider when dating a man with kids:

Pros of dating a man with kids 

• If you progress in your relationship you’ll get a chance to meet his kids. Getting to know them and being a part of their lives can be rewarding.
• You get to see how he treats his children and the mother of his children, so you know what you’re potentially getting into. Is he patient? Loving? Responsible? If so, he’ll probably make a great partner and parent if you eventually have kids.
• You’ll cherish the moments you spend together because time is often limited.
• As a girlfriend, the responsibility of raising children is not in your hands. But you get a real-world look at what life would be like if you had children of your own.

Cons of dating a man with kids

• His kids will come first. He can’t provide the kind of spontaneity you might crave. Even with planning, expect cancellations if his child isn’t feeling well or needs him at the last minute. 
• His kids might not accept you at first. It’s nothing personal. Just be yourself and give them time to warm up to you.
• Eventually, you’ll probably have to interact with his kids’ mom. This can be stressful depending on the circumstances of the former relationship. 
• If he has full physical custody and his children are young, it will be hard to have alone time with him.

Dating a man with kids FAQs

Is dating a man with a child worth it?

Emyli Lovz, dating coach for men and co-founder of emlovz, a matchmaking and coaching business, says dating a man with a child can absolutely be worth it.

“If he's a loving father, it shows that he has the capacity for deep love, that he can nurture others, and that he's responsible (hopefully),” she says. “It's best if the woman is also a mother so they can better understand one another and the priorities that come with being a parent.”

These Reddit users shared their thoughts and experiences about dating a man with kids:

What about those who say never date a man with a child?

Never is a strong word. Lovz says we should be wary of people who use blanket statements about who you should and shouldn't date. 

“It’s about the person, not the checklist,” Lovz says. “As a mother, if I was ever to become single, I would want to date someone who also understood parenthood.”

This Redditor agrees that it helps to have the common ground of parenthood when dating a man with kids:

Ultimately, it will boil down to personal preferences, details, and experiences. Whether dating a single mom or a single father, you have to make sure that the choice is right for you and consider the benefits and consequences.

Should I be dating a man with a baby on the way?

When a baby is on the way, you need to consider whether dating is a good idea. Lovz says you might be involving yourself in an emotional tornado. However, it will all depend on the context.

“You might want to understand why he isn't in a relationship with the woman having his child,” she says.

Here’s what some Reddit users thought about dating a man with a baby on the way:

Is dating a guy with a baby on the way a bad idea
byu/ThrowRA7838383k inrelationship_advice

People who date men: would you date a guy who had a child on the way?
byu/HeraBeara indatingoverthirty

Bottom line: Emma’s final word on dating a man with kids

If you find yourself dating a man with kids, remember that he is juggling parenthood with his desire to date, he may or may not want more kids, and he may prioritize his kids over you — at least for now.

You may be hesitant to date a guy with children but find yourself surprised by this new relationship with both him and his children — or you may be satisfied with spending time alone with him during the time his kids are with their mom, and keeping that part of his life separate.

When dating a man with kids, be open to some magic, while also honoring your own dating goals and feelings — pretty much like every other relationship.

If you’re ready to delete dating apps off your phone after years of disastrous dates, or you’re just thinking of dating after divorce, a breakup, a bad dating experience like getting ghosted from someone you felt a connection with, or long, dry spell, a matchmaker can be a great option. In fact, The Wall Street Journal recently reported is matchmaking is soaring in popularity — especially among professional people serious about finding a meaningful, lasting serious relationship¹.

Here's what you need to know if you're interested in hiring a professional matchmaker:

What is a professional matchmaker?

• How does matchmaking work?

How much does a matchmaking service cost?

Do matchmaking services work?

Pros of using matchmaking services

1. Matchmaking services ensure you are anonymous. 
2. Professional matchmakers ensure security.
3. Matchmakers focus on high-quality dates. 
4. Professional matchmaking services help you outsource the search to save time.
5. A professional matchmaker can help you get out of a rut — and start dating anew 

Cons of using matchmaking services

How to choose a matchmaker

Where to find a professional matchmaker

Reviews of professional matchmaking services

• Executive Matchmakers review
• It’s Just Lunch review
• The League review
• Luma review
• Tawkify review
• Three Day Rule review

Is a matchmaker worth the money? Personal experiences of those who tried …

What is a professional matchmaker?

Professional matchmakers develop networks of available single people who pay (sometimes both people pay, sometimes just one gender) to be introduced to compatible potential mates. Matchmaking has been around for thousands of years.

What do professional matchers do?

1. The best matchmakers work with a select handful of people at any given time so they can really spend time getting to know you. They work one-on-one with you to learn your likes and dislikes, your lifestyle, your goals, and your preferences in a partner. Expect to go through a long interview process so that the matchmaker can get to know who you are, what you are looking for, and the type of person with whom you may find an emotional, physical, or spiritual connection.

Many services only charge one gender: either only the men pay, and attractive women are recruited to go on dates, free of charge to the woman. Other services offer the reverse, capitalizing on the fear that many women have that “there are few good men out there.”

2. A professional matchmaker will use their proprietary network and the world at large to recruit and source the best matches for you. Matchmakers are constantly recruiting new members — from their social and professional networks, social gatherings, and even approaching attractive people in public places.

3. Matchmakers meet and screen every match face-to-face — essentially going on all the bad first dates for you and allowing you to skip the many “interview questions” required on a typical first date. When they speak to these matches, they’re asking questions about goals, values, personality, the way they raise their children, and what they envision future family looks like. They are asking all the questions you wish you could ask on a first date, only pairing you with the most compatible options.

4. The matchmaker will then present potential dates to you. Depending on the details of the service, you may be sent on a totally blind date, or have a video and other information to review before agreeing to a date.

A qualified matchmaker will set you up with only the matches that are a good use of your time. Those that are compatible, emotionally available, and interested in meeting you. 

5. You report back to your Matchmaker after the date. Your feedback helps guide who your Matchmaker looks for next. She will also get feedback from your date, so if there is any intel or constructive feedback she can offer you to help you improve your dating game, she’ll help you navigate that.

How much does it cost to have a matchmaker?

Matchmaking is not cheap. Typically, matchmaking services cost between $2,000 and $50,000 per engagement and may be based on a fixed amount of time (say, six months or a year), a guaranteed number of dates, or a combination.

Often, the women do not pay to be matched with dates — only the men are paying clients of the matchmaker.

Do matchmaking services work?

Matchmaking services are as old as time, and yes they often are very successful. Larger services like It's Just Lunch, Tawkify, and others post success stories on their site.

Because of the high cost of matchmaking services — often thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars — people who use matchmaking services are often professionals, and they’re likely looking for serious partnership.

Pros of using a professional matchmaking services include:

1. Matchmaking services ensure you are anonymous. 

Your picture or any other information is not available online, like in a dating app. This keeps confidential your personal life from clients, colleagues, friends, people you have dated (or were married to!), and your mom :)

2. Professional matchmakers ensure security.

Quality matchmaking services do background checks on and verify the age and marital status of any potential dates.

When kids are in the picture the stakes feel so much higher in bringing a new partner into the fold. If we are dating with the goal of something long-term, it’s so important to meet a partner with aligned values — whether those values are religious, family, political, financial, or anything else.

Often we’re steered away from bringing up these heavy value-related conversations on a first date. So we tread lightly. And then we’re 3 dates in with someone who we finally find we don’t see eye to eye on when it comes to really important stuff.

Matchmakers tend to match based on goals, values, mindsets — all the intangible stuff that you can’t really vet for online or often even on a first or second date. This means you’re only meeting matches who share similar values and goals — which makes bringing them around your kids and family that much less stressful when the time comes. 

Interested in dating a single dad? What you should know first

3. Matchmakers focus on high-quality dates. 

Especially in services where both parties pay for the services, matchmaking services tend to date people interested in serious connections and long-term relationships, and also tend to be successful and financially stable (a plus of the high fee).

It becomes hard to sift through the many matches on apps to find ones who are actually our speed, who fit into our lifestyle. Using their network and intuition, matchmakers make it their mission to pair you with matches who are actually on the same page as you. 

4. Professional matchmaking services help you outsource the search to save time. 

Instead of spending countless hours swiping right and left, being ghosted even before a first date (or worse: after a meaningful first or second date including sex), and spending hours getting through the basics on a first meeting, a matchmaker cuts through many hours of work to present you with a solid profile of a potential match.

Matchmaking is a great option for women with little time for themselves. The truth about dating is it requires time — time to source matches, time to vet matches, time to go on a bunch of first dates to find the people worth seeing again. You can spend that time, or you can outsource an expert to spend that time. A matchmaker does all the front-end stages of dating by sourcing, vetting, and setting up first dates with men who are more likely to be a good fit.

5. A professional matchmaker can help you get out of a rut — and start dating anew

Newly divorced or fresh out of a relationship? The dating landscape (and pretty much every other social landscape!) has changed drastically over the past few years. While online dating and apps make it easy to access matches and find a date, it’s a very different world of dating than it was in the past. A professional matchmaker can act as a resource for pretty much all things dating — like having a wingwoman in your back pocket. Having some help navigating the dating scene is a huge ego boost and major relief. A matchmaker can also act as a coach and help you figure out how to become a better dater — and even a stronger partner to your future beau.

Cons of using a matchmaking services include:

• Working with a matchmaker can be expensive 
• Just like in love and war – there are no guarantees, no matter the price 
• Depending on how the matchmaker works, one gender may be paying, while the other does not pay — which can attract a certain type of date that is not your type (i.e. if men pay but women do not, then that matchmaker service may attract women only seeking affluent men while being themselves golddiggers) 

How do I choose a matchmaking service? Questions to ask a professional matchmaker

• What does your price include? 
• Are there any guarantees?
• How do you recruit?
• Are both parties paying customers? Or is one gender free?
• How do you measure success?
• What is your success rate?
• Can you introduce me to some past client referrals? I’d like to speak to both men and women.
• How do you know the other person is looking for a serious relationship?
• What is the interview process?
• Do you do background checks? How do you know the other person isn’t married?
• How do I know the person isn’t just a golddigger?
• What are the typical characteristics of your clients?

Where to find a professional matchmaker

If you Google “professional matchmaker near me,” a list of local matchmaking services will appear. You’ll likely find more options if you live in a bigger city or more populated area.

Zip Code:

You can also work with a matchmaker online through a service like Tawkify or It’s Just Lunch.

Matchmaking service reviews

We evaluated each of the following matchmaking services on:

• Types of clients they serve
• Application process
• Reviews from the Better Business Bureau and other third-party review sites
• Likelihood of successfully being matched

Here’s how they stacked up:

Executive Matchmakers review

Marketing itself to an affluent audience, Executive Matchmakers’ website says it matches “Bachelors to successful, intelligent, genuine women.” 

Since this service targets men, women would need to look into being considered matches by joining the Executive’s Club. Women can join the database at no cost, and Executive Matchmakers says the database is confidential and discreet. 

To join the Executive’s Club, women can apply on the company’s website. You’ll need to fill out a form, include recent photos, and interview with the service’s professional staff. If you are matched with a client, additional paperwork and a background check are required.

The service follows a six-step matchmaking process known as its Signature Match.

1. Initial interview 
2. Client consultation
3. Personal search
4. Match selection
5. Dating 
6. Feedback and review

Pros of this service, for women looking to be matched with its clients, is that Executive Matchmakers uses the initial interview to confirm a man meets certain criteria before he is selected as a client. According to the website, their clients are “regarded for their intelligence, success, and charisma,” and are “highly sought after, commitment-minded men.” Plus, it’s no cost to apply for inclusion in the database.

One con for women is the matchmaking service doesn’t solely draw from its database, so you are competing with a large pool of candidates for selection.

Executive Matchmakers has an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau, which is a huge step up from its long-time D rating.

Because you as the woman are not actually paying for the matchmaking service, there is no timetable or even guarantee that you will be matched. If you’re looking to find a match or a date instead of waiting for one to find you, this might not be the matchmaking service for you.

It’s Just Lunch review

This matchmaking service touts itself as “your dating concierge” and is available in many different cities.

With that in mind, its Better Business Bureau website rating varies for different cities. Some reviews on the BBB website did have negative opinions on customer service, communication and actual matches, so if you’re thinking of using this service, check out the rating for your city on the BBB first. 

For reference, the Washington, DC branch of It's Just Lunch has an A+ BBB rating, glowing reviews, and a 4.58/5 stars rating.

According to the It’s Just Lunch website, a membership to the service includes guaranteed matches, personalized attention in addition to other services. It’s Just Lunch also offers a blog with articles including tips from its trained matchmakers. Read our It's Just Lunch review.

As mentioned above, It’s Just Lunch guaranteed date packages cost around $2,000 to $5,000. “Some It’s Just Lunch locations are independently owned and operated, so prices vary depending on the city our clients live in and the service level they sign up for,” says Camille Kostin, a Matchmaker with It's Just Lunch Milwaukee.

How does It’s Just Lunch’s service work?

1. Getting to know you. You’ll get to learn more about the It’s Just Lunch dating process as they learn more about you, your dating history, and what you’re looking for in a potential partner.
2. Match selection. In this step you’ll learn about the matches chosen for you as well as have the first date set up.
3. The date. This step is pretty self explanatory!
4. Sharing feedback. After you’ve gone on your date you’ll share details with your matchmaker. Let them know what you did or didn’t like about the match to help them improve your next match selection.

Pros of It’s Just Lunch include a guarantee of face-to-face dates, full confidentiality and matchmakers who arrange all the date details. And if you find a relationship you want to pursue you can put your membership on hold. On the flip side, reviews on ConsumerAffairs.com say the service can be a bit pricey, and the process can be longer than busy moms may want to commit.

While It’s Just Lunch may have varying reviews, the service has been around for over 30 years. All the matchmakers go through a thorough training program, according to the company’s website. That attention to commitment makes it worth a try.

The League review

The League bills itself as very elite, as it only accepts a small percentage of applicants, making those accepted seem very special indeed. Potential members are approved based on data from their Facebook and LinkedIn profiles, presumably seeking out daters with higher income and education.

The League has a waitlist, and membership costs between $199 and $399 per month — as well as an “Investor” level membership for a $999 one-time fee. It has an A+ rating with the BBB.

The app's homepage boasts: “Are you told your standards are too high? The League offers to be your well-networked friend who doubles as your wingman,” sussing out good matches for you based on a more discerning set of qualifications than your average dating app. Every member is assigned a “concierge” who promises to help vet matches.

The League is available in cities throughout the United States, as well as Canada, Europe, and major cities in Latin America and Asia-Pacific, and some capital cities in Africa.

The League ups its exclusivity vibe with “groups” based on personal interests, including yachting, golf, international travel, brunch groups and women worried about their fertility!

The app has features not found on other sites including speed dating, a fixed number of supposedly hand-selected matches emailed to you daily (the more you pay for your membership corresponds with more emailed matches), video profiles, video chatting, League Live dating on Sundays, and concierge dating, which is a hybrid of a dating app and matchmaking service.

The League has been criticized for requiring members to disclose their race, and allowing them to screen matches by race, but seems to be making efforts to change that. Also, more recent reports are that the app has loosened its criteria, lowered its prices and even offers a free trial — disqualifying it from being so exclusive.

Some Reddit threads on The League dating app:

Ready to apply for The League? >>

Luma review

LUMA Luxury Matchmaking is a professional matchmaking service that helps professionals, executives and millionaires find long-term relationships. 

According to its website, LUMA focuses on “human connections and chemistry” to match elite bachelors and bachelorettes. One of its client success stories is Shannon Beader of the “Real Housewives of Orange County.”

After you fill out an application on the LUMA site, you’ll receive an email to schedule a one-on-one meeting call with a matchmaker to share info about yourself and discuss the qualities you want in a partner. 

After you’ve met with your matchmaker, you’ll receive a customized plan based on your matchmaking needs and wants. Membership fees range from $0 to $100,000, depending on how specific you want your search criteria to be. 

LUMA claims an 83% success rate on its site, based on the number of clients who enter into serious relationships while they’re LUMA members. 

LUMA’s matchmaking services include: 

• An assessment by a professional matchmaker
• Access to 50K+ singles (everyone is met with and vetted)
• Curated date planning
• Coaching and assistance

LUMA also offers date coaching, which teaches you how to dress, what you should talk about and how to put your best foot forward to establish a long-term connection. 

LUMA is accredited by the Better Business Bureau and has an A+ rating. It has a rating of 4.59 out of 5 stars.

Meet high-end singles with LUMA >>

Tawkify review

Tawkify bills itself as a personalized matchmaking service — not a dating app. The site has more than 100,000 unpaying members, who are singles considered for dates and matching. Customers, on the other hand, pay a fee, and meet with a concierge matchmaker who personally selects potential matches.

Tawkify promises a personalized experience for members and clients. Client packages start at $4,000 per year, pricing depends on the level of service.

Each customer meets with their concierge, expresses their preferences and dating goals, and then is presented with a list of potential matches. If the member also agrees on a date, the concierge plans and schedules a fun date.

Afterward, feedback from each of you is shared with the other person, and that information is used by Tawkify to connect you with dates going forward.

Tawkify claims that the service works with new clients for six to 12 months, with almost 80% successfully matched in that time.

Tawkify has an A+ rating with the BBB, but has several negative reviews on its profile.

Robyn Michaels, a retired dog walker and groomer from the Chicago area, says she's been disappointed with her experience using Tawkify thus far. She says she paid for nine matches but hasn't met anyone with whom she's even remotely compatible.

“I told them I don't see myself with a professed Christian, and the man had to be a dog lover,” she says. “Also, I would not be matched with someone living over 30 miles from me.”

She said it took two months for her to get her first match and it was with a man who lived over 50 miles away.

“He was a member of a church that proudly sent missionaries to less developed countries. He had a dog as a kid, they never trained it, and they gave it away. I told Tawkify they just picked a warm body and it was unacceptable.”

Read our Tawkify review >>

Three Day Rule review

Using the tag line “An Exclusive Matchmaking Company,” Three Day Rule offers the opportunity to join to use the matchmaking services or to be considered as a match for other Three Day Rule members. On the website you can request a free consultation and also sign up for a premium membership. Three Day Rule also claims to have “one of the largest, most selective networks in the country”.

Three Day Rule offers two membership options:

1. A minimum of three matches guaranteed over three months for $5,900
2. A minimum of six matches guaranteed over six months for $9,500

Both memberships include one-to-one matchmaking, photography and coaching.

If you’re not looking to spend that much and have the patience to wait for a match, you can also sign up for free to join the company’s database to be considered as a match for paying clients.

For paying members, the process is similar to other matchmaking services where the first step is an initial interview for the matchmaker to better understand the client and the client’s wants or absolute dealbreakers. Three Day Rule then does a face-to-face pre-screen of potential matches prior to setting clients up with matches.

Unlike other matchmaking service websites, Three Day Rule does not have an About or FAQ section, so if you want answers you’ll have to contact the company directly. The service only focuses on a dozen major U.S. cities, and does claim to serve the LGBTQ+ community.

Hear more about Three Day Rule directly from a matchmaker on Dating Intelligence the Podcast.

While not an accredited Better Business Bureau company, Three Day Rule does have a B+ BBB rating. The BBB site only has a few reviews for the matchmaker, some good and some bad.

For an in-depth, first-person overview of Three Day Rule, check out this review from BuzzFeed.

With the membership options available at different price points as well as the opportunity to join the free database, Three Day Rule can be worth a try if you want to test the waters without a long-term commitment.

If these are too expensive or time-consuming, read our overview of the best online dating sites, or check out these apps geared at higher-income daters:

Millionaire Match

The League

Bottom line: Are matchmaking services worth it? Actual experiences from those who hired a professional matchmaker …

If you’re fed up with the online dating scene and considering hiring a matchmaker, the process is pretty straightforward. 

Tara Goodwin, a divorced mom of two and communications consultant based in Boston, hired a matchmaking service in 2019 after a breakup and several months of poor luck on online dating sites. 

“I was ghosted a few times, but I also ended up going out on one date with someone who seemed normal but turned into a stalker when I didn’t want to go out a second time,” she says.

Goodwin hired a Boston matchmaking service called LunchDates after reading positive reviews and scheduled a one-hour meeting with a coach who asked her questions about her personality, dating history and relationship expectations.

It was about two weeks before Goodwin was paired with her first match. She was given a picture and some background information about him, and once she approved, LunchDates set up the date and told her where and when to show up. 

In the first six months of using the professional matchmaking service, Goodwin says she went on six dates with different men who were “kind and courteous” but with whom she didn’t connect romantically.  

Her luck turned around when she was paired with another matchmaking client, Anthony.

“I agreed to go on the date, and it was the best date I had experienced in a long time,” Goodwin says. “There was definite attraction, and we ‘closed the restaurant.’ I could not have asked for a better match for me.”

The pair have now been together for nearly three years. 

Olivia Tan, a Florida-based personal finance coach and co-founder of CocoFax, met her husband of four years through a professional matchmaking service, which she chose based on client testimonials. 

Tan says her matchmaker conducted thorough background checks, administered personality tests and built psychological profiles of their clients. 

“The process was simple, direct, and straightforward,” Tan says. “The support team assisted me to get exactly what I was looking for.” 

But not every matchmaking experience has a fairytale ending. Toria Renee, a Chicago-area life coach, tried working with a matchmaker but found the experience superficial. 

“We both have someone coaching us separately based on what the other has shared with the matchmaker,” she says. “In some ways, it didn't feel to me like we were making an authentic connection.”

But Renee says the experience gave her a new perspective on the way she approaches dating. 

“The process truly challenges you to take an introspective look at yourself, your belief system and your behavior as it relates to how you show up in relationships, which shapes how we set our standards and choose our mates,” she says.

Conclusion? Matchmakers can be a great way to save time dating, meet quality people and find meaningful partnerships. However, compared with dating apps or meeting through friends or work, matchmakers are very expensive — and there are never any guarantees.

More dating site options:

Christian dating sites
Spiritual dating sites
Catholic dating sites

SOURCES

1. “Match Introduces a Human Matchmaking Element to Its Dating App” November 18, 2021. The Wall Street Journal https://www.wsj.com/articles/match-introduces-a-human-matchmaking-element-to-its-dating-app-11637269774