Wealthysinglemommy.com

There’s no better sign that your relationship is going somewhere than meeting your boyfriend’s family — specifically his mother. 

Whether you’re trying to make a great first impression or build a relationship with your boyfriend’s mom, a well-thought-out gift could be just the thing to make her your biggest fan — and get your new relationship off to a strong start. 

Rori Sassoon, co-owner of the matchmaking agency Platinum Poire who has been featured on the Real Housewives of New York, says a gift for your boyfriend’s mom should be intentional and thoughtful —  without going overboard.

“It’s not time to become the teacher’s pet, but you want to give her a caring gift,” Sassoon says.

We put together a list of 26 gifts for your boyfriend’s mom for Christmas, birthday, Mother’s Day, Easter or as a hostess gift.

Best gift for your boyfriend’s mom under $25: Succulents

Plants can brighten up a room and will serve as a long-term reminder of your thoughtful gesture. Colorful and kill-proof succulents can be bought alone or in a group for your boyfriend’s mom for less money than a nice lunch. Not to mention they look gorgeous on a windowsill or table.

Best DIY gift: Fragrance jar

Create a customized scent jar for your boyfriend’s mom with any combination of fruits, herbs and oils.

Here’s how: 

• Pick your favorite combination of citrus fruits (like lemon or orange), essential oil (like vanilla or mint) and dried herbs or flowers (rosemary or thyme work well). Our favorite combo is orange, cinnamon and clove.
• Place ingredients in a mason jar, and keep the jar inside the fridge until you give the gift. Make the gift cuter with a bow and tag describing what’s inside. 

Your boyfriend’s mom can simmer the ingredients on the stove until her whole home smells cozy. 

Best birthday gift: Spa gift card

Everyone needs an opportunity to relax, and birthdays are the ideal time to indulge in self care. Even if you don’t know your boyfriend’s mom’s favorite day spa, you can choose a spa gift card from a chain of spas that have nationwide locations. This way, your boyfriend’s mom can get whatever service she wants, whether it’s a massage, body wrap, manicure or pedicure. 

Our pick for your boyfriend’s mom: Amazon spa gift card

Even more gifts for your boyfriend’s mom

Fresh flowers

Flowers are a simple and timeless gift for almost any occasion —  a birthday, holiday party or the first time meeting your boyfriend’s mom. You can actually order fresh bouquets for a modest price online and skip the grocery store or florist. Yes, they arrive that quickly.

Prefer to skip the store? You can order online and quickly send beautiful bouquets timed for birthdays, Mother’s Day, or that first family dinner—choose from seasonal stems, classic roses, or mixed arrangements with fast delivery options.

Whether you are searching for an elegant centerpiece or a vibrant gesture of appreciation, you can discover an exquisite range of flowers from the celebration box curated to suit every unique aesthetic and celebration.

Coffee table book

Whether your boyfriend’s mom loves fashion, travel, politics, or art, there’s a coffee table book with her name on it. Coffee table books are a great conversation piece and, as a bonus, they show that you’ve listened or done your homework to get to know your boyfriend’s mom.

If you’re unsure what to get, we suggest a book filled with travel inspiration and stunning photography from all over the globe. 

Our picks for your boyfriend’s mom:

Event tickets

Whether she’d prefer a heart-pounding rock concert or something a bit more sophisticated and low-key, tickets to an event can make a great gift for your boyfriend’s mom. Ask your boyfriend what music his mom loves and get her tickets for an upcoming concert, theater production or perhaps a night at the symphony.

You can also let her choose her next night out with a gift card that can be used on a variety of fun events. 

Our pick for your boyfriend’s mom: Stubhub Gift Card

Bath and shower steamers

Give her some self-care to recharge her batteries. Hot bath and shower steamers feature luxurious scents like eucalyptus and lemongrass that will give your boyfriend’s mom a relaxing spa experience at home.

Snack basket

A snack basket is a way to show your boyfriend’s mom that you understand her taste — and that human desire to pig out. You can seek out local gifters from area wine shops, a gourmet food store or make her a basket of her favorite farmer’s market goodies.

There are countless food baskets you can choose from online, for all budgets:

House slippers

Whether your boyfriend’s mom needs to keep her feet warm, walk outside to the mailbox or just cover up a less-than-perfect pedicure, house slippers are a must. When shopping for slippers, it helps to consider factors like sole thickness, material, and whether they have a closed or open back. Skip the bunny rabbit faces, and opt for something both comfortable and stylish. A pair that holds its shape through regular wear tends to be a better long-term pick than one that looks good but breaks down quickly.

Our picks for your boyfriend’s mom:

Sweets and chocolates

We all have a secret guilty pleasure, especially when it comes to food. Whether your boyfriend’s mom likes to indulge in creamy chocolate, refreshing mint or decadent caramel, she’ll find them all (and then some) in the perfect box of sweets.  

For a gift that feels truly special, choose artisan chocolates from a premium chocolatier that crafts small-batch assortments with sustainable cocoa, fast delivery, and a delight-or-replace gift guarantee—think classic truffles, creamy caramels, and seasonal gift boxes.

Art Kits

If you want to give her something thoughtful and creative, try an easy art kit. These paint-by-number sets are a relaxing way for your boyfriend’s mom to unwind and enjoy a little quiet time. When she finishes, she’ll have a beautiful piece she can proudly hang in her home. You can help her get started by pointing her to some easy art kits that match her style.

A work of visual art

Art tells our personal stories, shows off our tastes and makes our homes much more welcoming and distinctive. As a gift, a work of art is always memorable and doesn’t need to be over-the-top expensive. Check out collections from independent artists on Etsy, everything from photography and paintings to hand-crafted pieces.  

Home or garden decor

If she enjoys time in the yard or on the porch, gift a beautiful piece of outdoor art—like a wrought-iron trellis, garden obelisk, or an elegant arch for climbing flowers. For distinctive planters, lanterns, and patio torches with timeless style, explore H Potter for high-quality garden structures and accents that elevate any space and feel special every season.

Cozy sofa throw

When it’s time to relax, curl up and watch a movie or show on Netflix, a cozy blanket enhances the whole experience. For a foolproof sofa throw that your boyfriend’s mom will snuggle with on the regular, try one in an attractive neutral shade with a classic pattern she’s sure to love. 

Think beyond the living room, too: durable puffy blankets with water-resistant backing and easy-clean, machine-washable fabric keep her cozy on the sofa yet are perfect for park picnics, backyard movie nights, and chilly bleachers. Lightweight and packable, they double as a stylish throw with year-round utility—an upgrade she’ll actually use.

Subscription Box

Subscription boxes are all the rage right now, and there’s literally one for everything, whether your boyfriend’s mom loves books, beauty products or high-end coffee beans. But in our opinion, the best boxes offer a variety of goodies she can look forward to each month. Pick one with a month-to-month plan so you can customize the number of boxes you send. 

To see options that mix practicality with a dash of surprise, you can explore curated gift guides and niche finds that pair everyday usefulness with a playful reveal, much like mystery soccer jerseys, or as they say in The Netherlands, surprise voetbalshirts.

Artisan Teas

Drinking a nice cup of tea is a way to hydrate our bodies, calm our minds and enjoy a moment of peace. A set of upscale loose leaf teas makes a perfect gift for your boyfriend’s mom, with flavors including Detox, Vanilla Mint, English Breakfast and more — plus, little reusable tins are a great opportunity to upcycle! Pair the gift with a tea strainer, just in case she needs one.

Regional Foods

Whether you select artisan grits to bond over your love of the American South or yummy maple syrup to inspire a future girls trip to New England, specialty foods are always a solid gift option on their own or as part of a gift basket. 

Jewelry

A pair of elegant earrings can be a thoughtful, everyday accessory that adds a touch of personal style without being overwhelming. Whether she prefers subtle studs for daily wear or something a bit more statement-making for special occasions, jewelry like hypoallergenic earrings designed for sensitive ears offers comfort alongside fashion appeal. You can get link earrings from linknecklaces.com/collections/link-earrings that will stand the test of time. As styles change, these earrings will upgrade any outfit at any age.

To ensure the pair flatters her features perfectly, help her choose the right style based on face shape—guidance that covers everything from elongating drops for round faces to softening curves for angular ones, all while prioritizing lightweight, irritation-free options.

Hand Cream

Indulgent hand cream is a perfect item to stow anywhere, from your car to your desk to your handbag. But the best thing about hand cream is that you can get a really nice tube for your boyfriend’s mom without spending a lot of money. Try one that comes in a fancy, decorative tin in a variety of scents inspired by luxury perfumes.

Day planner

Sometimes practical gifts, like a day planner, make the best gifts. Skip the bargain bin at a superstore, and opt for a leather-covered planner, complete with unbleached paper and a list of major holidays. She’ll love your taste — and think of you when her days are much more organized. 

Cigars

If your boyfriend’s mom enjoys the luxury of cigars, a personalized cigar humidor is a thoughtful and elegant gift choice.

A high-quality humidor not only keeps cigars fresh by maintaining the perfect humidity level but also adds a touch of sophistication to her collection. Opt for a beautifully crafted wooden or leather-lined humidor, and consider engraving her initials or a special design to make it uniquely hers.

To make the gift even more special, you can pair it with a selection of quality cigars from reputable brands, ensuring she has an exceptional smoking experience right from the start.

What should I get for my boyfriend’s mom?

The best gifts for your boyfriend’s mom are gifts that will last a while and remind her of your thoughtful gesture. A live plant, stylish day planner, coffee table book or a cozy sofa throw are all great options. Each of these gifts is something she can enjoy on a daily or almost daily basis, and hopefully think of you each time she sees or uses them. As an added bonus, none of these items have to be terribly expensive — there are tons of options at different price points. 

What should I get my boyfriend’s mom for her birthday?

Is your boyfriend’s mom’s birthday coming up soon? Sassoon says to get her something she wouldn’t get herself.

“Ask yourself this: are you in it for the long haul with your partner? Obviously, you’d want the gift to have more of a special meaning if so,” she says.

You definitely won’t go wrong with our top pick — a spa gift card she can use to pamper herself in honor of her special day.

For even more birthday-friendly ideas, we suggest: 

Tickets to an event 

Birthdays are a celebration, and going to fun events like concerts, ballets, plays and other performances can make someone’s birthday even more fun. A Stubhub gift card will translate to a fun evening out for your boyfriend’s mom, on you. 

Bath Goodies

Following along with the birthday indulgence theme, you can’t go wrong with upscale bath products. Since pre-packaged bath sets rarely impress, make your own luxurious gift basket with these De-stress Salts from Aromatika, a moisture-infused Lollia Bubble Bath and PraPra Natural Loofah, emphasis on the “ah.”

What should I get my boyfriend’s mom for Christmas? 

The holiday season can be stressful when you don’t know what to get for the people on your list. When it comes to your boyfriend’s mom, just follow our Christmas gift guidelines: make it seasonal, sweet or savory.

Seasonal Gifts
Ornaments, keepsakes and other festive items are always great holiday gifts. We suggest this understated yet elegant wreath by Lights4Fun Inc. It’s ideal for use indoors and out, and it will complement her other decor. 

Sweet Gifts
Chocolate and sweets, especially around the holidays, make foolproof gifts, so try our favorite Belgian chocolate truffles from New York’s Bonnie and Pop, complete with chocolates, caramels, mints and other treats. 

Savory Gifts
Savory snack baskets are another good option for the holiday season — they are either a hostess gift or a casual “Merry Christmas” if you’re just getting to know your boyfriend’s mom. We love the Milliard Ultimate Cheese Gift Basket, which she can pair with her favorite glass of wine (that you can also buy).

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Should you get your boyfriend’s mom a Mother’s Day gift?

If you’re wondering whether or not to get your boyfriend’s mom a Mother’s Day gift, the first thing to ask yourself is how serious your relationship is. 

If you see your boyfriend’s mom as a future mother-in-law, then get her a Mother’s Day present, Sassoon says.

She suggests writing your boyfriend’s mom a sweet note, “without professing fangirl love to her.”

The following scenarios might make it appropriate to buy her a gift for Mother’s Day:

• You and your boyfriend are soon-to-be engaged
• You have met your boyfriend’s mom multiple times and have become close with her
• You are going to see her at a Mother’s Day-specific function, such as a brunch or party
• Your boyfriend’s mom has recently become a grandmother to a new baby in the family

Flowers or chocolates make great Mother’s Day gifts if you’re on the fence about whether you should get something for your boyfriend’s mom.

“You can create that special bond and relationship in these moments, while remaining ‘chill,'” Sassoon says.

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Our culture tells us that women are either virtuous madonnas or filthy whores, but never one and the same. Many women I meet struggle with their desire for a full, happy sex life — not to mention screamin libido after they become moms — with the pressure to shield our children from that side of ourselves.

Mom and Kardashian family member Kylie Jenner told The Independent:

“Motherhood and sexuality can coexist and just because you embrace your sexuality doesn’t mean you have loose morals or you’re not a good mother. You can be sexy and still be a badass mum.”

While many factors play into how horny you are after giving birth — whether you nurse, the ease of your birth, stitches — some research finds that moms are plenty horny and have lots of sex. For others, desire drops for a while, and that can fall into patterns described as HSDD in women, which is more common than most people realize. My personal research as well as hearing from tens of thousands of moms over the years found that after a breakup or divorce, women are often really horny and enjoy their newfound sex lives.

Single mom and sex, why it is better.

• After divorce, you feel alive again
• Sex can finally be just about pleasure.
• Men are better after divorce, too.
• Mom bod and sex after motherhood
• After divorce as a single mom, you can experiment sexually
• Sex and dating in middle age are actually a lot like dating as a teenager

Bottom line for single moms and sex: Recognize you have needs and desires

Single mom and sex, why it is better.

When you feel comfortable with your body, let go of past hang-ups, and are less critical of your partner – that’s when stuff gets good.

Plus, there’s no pressure to have babies.

There is something amazing and magical that happens when women divorce. They get beautiful. And they get horny.

It’s no coincidence these two things go hand-in-hand. Or that they follow divorce. No matter how contentious or acrimonious or downright explosively miserable the end of your marriage was, being divorced is better. It always is. It was sad. It sucked. Now it’s better.

Here is why:

After divorce, you feel alive again

When you finally sell off the engagement ring, that heavy, nasty weight of your ex leaves and you realize that you will survive and that life does go on, all of a sudden the sun starts to shine a little brighter. You start to notice the different shades of green of the leaves in that tree that has been outside your house for years and years. Your children seem unbelievably wonderful, and your own reflection in the mirror starts to not look so horrible. It is as if those cracks of light inside of you are now on the outside. And everything about you — on the inside and the outside — everything is better.

And the men. The men! All of a sudden, you start to notice that there are men in the world. Not just people with hair on their arms who smell different that we do. They are men who have bodies and hands and deep voices that offer compliments and eyes — eyes. Eyes that look at you and make you realize that those men are thinking things. Things about you. And that makes you think those things about yourself, too. And about those men. And those men? They’re everywhere.

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Sex can finally be just about pleasure.

And sooner or later you find ways to be with those men. On dates, and in bed. And you cannot believe how much better it was than the last time around. The last time you were in your 20s! You were silly and looking for a husband and had an agenda!

This time? Who cares!?

Well, you care — about everything. About all those feelings and the touching and the joy and the thrill and that passion and the love. Love wasn’t this great last time, was it? Could it have gotten better? And yet you care about nothing. None of those things that were on your list. You have those things yourself — the kids and the house and the career. You start to see the spots in yourself that a man can fill. And you start to see men in different ways. Because you are different.

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Men are better after divorce, too.

There is no speculating this time, no guessing about what he might look like in middle age, or whether he will fulfill all those dazzling plans he lays out, or whether he has the capacity for love and friendship and joy. Because now they have track records and portfolios. Of life. And you shop for them, and try them on and enjoy them.  That is the thing about being divorced and dating. You enjoy men. Because you enjoy yourself. And life is full and secure like it wasn’t before. And what is more beautiful than that?

Nothing breaks my heart more than a woman who cannot be without a man. That personality is always rife with desperation, bad decisions and alienating others who love her best. Never a good look.

Even if you are not prone to the dramatics of partnering up ASAP, you may feel like a loser because you are not in a relationship.

It is normal to feel sad and lonely if you don’t have a boy- or girlfriend. (It can also feel horny, but that is a slightly different topic — don’t get those confused!)

In this episode, I share why being single is such an incredible opportunity you should not squander.

It doesn’t have to be forever, but if you couple-up right away, you miss out on so many opportunities for personal growth, a new adventure, learning so much about yourself, others around you, and what your next relationship might be.

Mom bod and sex after motherhood

Worried about dating with your mom bod? From my book, The Kickass Single Mom:

If you are like me, all that hard-knock life that you just lived through made you a better person. And better people just don’t give a crap about things like cellulite or perfectly minty breath. You also don’t care so much about whether your partner’s back is furry, or his gut paunchy, or his head dome-y. Maybe you’re not quite there yet on any of these fronts, and that is OK. I address this later on. 

For many moms, including myself, motherhood freed me to connect with my sexuality in incredible ways. After all, having a baby is all about bodies- my body swelling and birthing and nursing another human body. I found a sensuality in those years being pregnant and breastfeeding for the sake of another person. I found acceptance, too. Along with the beauty and power of child birth is pain, and excreting body fluids in front of others, and paying very close attention to what both my body felt, as well as being in tune with another person’s body — sensibilities that were then ignited in new and different ways when I connect with men. 

Also, I stopped giving such a crap about things that used to stand between me and very powerful sex. Kids — and getting them into the world — involve people pooping and peeing on and near you. You likely pooped and peed in front of other people. And there was lots of unabashed nudity — all in the name of arguably the most gorgeous thing in the world (which, you can argue is either a baby, or sex). 

Earlier in my life, I was a little self-conscious about my small, banana boobs with their flat nipples — my college roommate would tease me about my ‘bologna nips.’ But those banana-bologna boobs nursed two gorgeous babies who immediately flourished into deliciously fat, healthy little monkeys would I could not be more delighted to take some credit for, thanks to my awesome breasts. Suddenly, I loved my banana-bologna boobs! 

Ultimately, however, I am here to tell you that men just don’t give a crap. They are just not that picky. Sure, some guys are really, really into Barbie bodies, and maybe they are gym rats or athletes and their partner’s physique is paramount in dating. That is fine. There are millions of men, most of them middle-aged people who don’t look as great as they did 20 years ago. They are worried that their T-shirt shows off their man-boobs, or what you will think about their arms when you’re making out with him and squeeze his biceps. 

Also: many men struggle with impotence. A lot more than the last time you dated. In fact, this is a huge, new problem that I want to write a whole book about (culprits: porn addiction, feminism, and side effects of psychotropic pharmaceuticals so many people take). So while you are worried about your muffin top when you’re riding him, he is terrified his dick won’t work. His fear is worse.

After divorce as a single mom, you can experiment sexually

Recently single mom friend Sarah and I were IMing about how we prefer men who are aggressive in bed.

“I’m the CEO of my entire life!” Sarah complained. “Do you know how hot it is to let someone else take over for 20 minutes?”

“It’s not just in bed – give me a vacation from my life for a while,” I responded. I was referencing my weekend date — a guy I met on OKCupid named Lou who I have pretty much nothing in common with but proved to be the perfect Saturday night activity.

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For the past few months I’ve been in a dateless funk fueled by disappointment that a love interest didn’t pan out and a long, grey, life-filled winter. Despite being little of what I am looking for in the long-term, this Sicilian-born, Harley-riding electrical engineer from Queens charmed me with a witty profile, flirty and articulate messages and pics that suggested — quite accurately, I found — a darling smile and a 6’3″ body built like a brick.

Hotness aside, I knew Lou was just what my mental health needed when he called to arrange the date. He would drive to my neighborhood, so, per protocol, I promised to text him a location to meet. “What are you talking about?” he said in a loud, friendly, Queens accent. “I’m picking you up and I’m taking you out!”

Music to my ears!

Let me back up here. If I had to describe myself — which one is prone to do when she finds herself juxtaposed with a Lou — it would be that I’m a New York intellectual who dates more or less the same. My boyfriends tend to be writers and filmmakers interested in lefty politics and sustainable urban development. Lots of skinny jeans, the occasional fedora and dates that involve plenty of polite negotiating and triangulating a mutually convenient meeting point. Lou is Republican who wore a gold crucifix under his slim-cut waffle shirt, and he picked me up and took me out.

When I got in the car, I immediately took to Lou’s big, warm vibe. He took my hand and kissed my cheek hello, cracking a giant, handsome smile. “What’s this?” he said. “You’re the only woman I know who doesn’t do her nails!” And off we went in his pickup all the way across Queens to a neon-lit Mexican restaurant with valet parking.

I could write a whole post on the beauty of going out with men you have no interest in dating long-term. If you don’t care if you ever see the guy again, somehow everyone is freer to be themselves — and enjoy each other more. If I was looking at Lou through relationship goggles, I might have bristled when describing his most recent relationship with a woman who moved into her new house by transporting one dining chair per day in her car.

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“Look, sometimes I like to be a man, you know?” Lou said. “I told her, ‘Listen, I’ll come by Saturday with three of my friends and we’ll move you in one day.’ But she said I was being too pushy. Women!” Instead of recoiling in feminist disgust, my interest was piqued. What other ways did he like to be a man? And was he going to show me on our singular date?

That’s the thing with the Lous of the world, Sarah and I agreed. We love that they take over plans for the evening, and then take over our bodies for the night. When you are an independent woman with lots of responsibilities, many men assume that we want to carry out that strong role all the time. But I need to feel like a woman, and the times I enjoy that most are when I am with a man. If I am being honest with myself, being a woman means – to a degree – being passive. And that requires a man who is – to a degree – the alpha.

Lou is not going to be my boyfriend. My boyfriend will be “an artsy-fartsy guy”  (as Lou described my type) with whom I will triangulate our first date. I loved hanging out with Lou, the macho way he relieved me of any responsibility for the evening, the easy way I fell into passively following his lead, crucifix dangling in my face much of the night.  But I am a woman with an opinion or 50, and a clear vision for my role in the world. I can’t imagine settling for anything less than intimacy with someone who is my partner, my equal. Can that person be someone who is totally dominant? Could I ever be happy being consistently passive?

“You’re fun to hang out with,” Lou said, pulling the covers up to his chin. “Do you like to spoon? Roll over, let me spoon you.”

And I did.

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When intimacy finally felt exciting again instead of exhausting, I understood why products like CBD-infused lube are becoming part of honest conversations about pleasure and wellbeing.

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Sex and dating in middle age are actually a lot like dating as a teenager

One Sunday morning I had brunch with my brother Josh and sister-in-law Susan. They’re in their early 30s, don’t have kids, stay out late, and sleep in on weekends.

Susan grilled me about my date from the night before while my little brother pretended he’d lost his hearing.

“We went for Ethiopian food in the Village and then he drove me home,” I said.

“Why didn’t you invite him up?” Susan asked.

“Are you crazy? The kids and the babysitter were there.”

“So what, he got to second base in the car and then you were home by midnight?”

“Basically, yes!”

“Oh my God. That is so funny. And that’s so early!”

I felt a little defensive about my single mommy lifestyle. Because, really, what can you do? But then I realized that dating as a single parent is kind of horrible and awesome in the same way that being a teenager is horrible and awesome.

In fact, while necking in his four-door sedan (car seats in back) my single-dad love interest and I were laughing about all the ways that dating as a parent is the same as dating in high school:

It can be tricky to find alone time, everyone’s finances are limited, and you often have to answer to the scrutiny of parental figures. After all, had I ushered my date upstairs Saturday, I’d have had to face Karen, our beloved long-time babysitter who serves as a surrogate grandmother to my kids and me. What would she think?

My friend Sarah is a professional single mom whose ex lives out of state — drastically limiting her child-free hours, and forcing her to turn to babysitting from her mother in order to get laid. Tapping her inner teenager, Sarah always lies to her mom about her whereabouts when she goes out with men, lest she get “the third degree about whether he’d make a good father.”

“I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to deal with the judgment,” Sarah told me. And so she obeys her mom’s rules–or else she pays the price. “I told one guy I went out with that we’d be skipping dinner and going straight to sex because I had to be home by 11:30,” she said. In my case, I was acutely aware that every minute spent making out in that car also came at a price — the cold, hard hourly rate paid to Karen.

The upside of all this finagling and sneaking and financing is that it collectively mounts the lusty, torturous tension lacking in readily-available sex. Like, for example, in marriage. In other words, sex as a single mom can be unbelievably hot. Which was probably not the case when we were in high school.

But Sarah and I agreed that sex isn’t the only part of dating that makes us feel like we’re in 10th grade again. I nearly didn’t publish this post. I mean, what if my date reads it and feels betrayed or embarrassed and doesn’t call me again? I mean, OMG, I would totally DIE, cuz I like totally like him! But like, would it be my fault? I mean, he knows I blog about my life or whatever, so, like, whatever!?

Bottom line for single moms and sex: Recognize you have needs and desires

Ready to get laid? We recommend Adult Friend Finder as our No. 1 choice for places to find casual hookups and kink partners.

Not sure how that works? Read about rules for friends with benefits.

Think you need something a bit more serious? Read our guide to dating as a single mom — including tips for dating single dads.

Through my circle of friends and single moms I meet through this blog, I often hear cries of horror about the thought of dating.

Especially if you have kids.

What man in his right mind would consider dating a single mom? I can’t imagine getting out there again! My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years!

These fears are totally normal — but don’t let them hold you back.

I’ve spent the past 9 years dating as a single mom — including my current 3-year, committed relationship to a single dad — and let me tell you something: there is no better time to date than as a single mom.

Ready to start dating? Looking for a serious relationship? Our No. 1 recommendation is eharmony, which is consistently rated the most trusted dating site, and is designed specifically for those looking for meaningful, long-term connections. A Better Business Bureau rating, and reports that, “Every day, an average of 438 singles marry a match they found on eharmony.”

And get a babysitter, pronto. 

Why is dating better as a single mom?

Here are nine reasons why I believe dating as a single woman is better:

1. Single moms already have their kids
2. Single moms are kinder to themselves
3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves
4. Single moms are sexier
5. Single mothers accept their bodies
6. Single mothers have become the women they’re meant to be
7. Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend
8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy
9. Sex as a single mom is better

Tips for dating after divorce

1. Recognize your fears as normal, but commit to dating anyway.
2. Rest assured: Your kids will be fine
3. Download a dating app and get to it!

1. Single moms already have their kids.

Now you can date for you.

When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children.

I have them now. Two awesome, healthy ones, in fact. I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three.

The pressure is off as a single mom. Get started today by checking out my post on the best dating apps to use as a single mom!

2. Single moms are kinder to themselves…

…and that makes you a delight to be around.

Divorce is a bummer.

So many disappointments, self-blame, and broken hearts. To move on, you must forgive.

Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Forgive the friends and in-laws who you felt deserted you.

This kindness bleeds into your other relationships — including with your own confidence. Since becoming a single mother I have found that I am so much less judgmental of myself.

I am also far less critical of other people, including men. And guess what? They seem to like me more for it! Imagine that.

5 tips for Self-Care

3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves.

Being a single mom means that you have been through at least three life-altering experiences.

1. You became a parent, which blew your mind, heart, and life in incredible ways.
2. You’ve found yourself single after a serious long-term relationship.
3. You’ve faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood.

Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you.

You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it.

Still feel like you have work to do on yourself before you start dating? I understand. Check out our review of BetterHelp.

4. Single moms are sexier!

Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equal being a richer, fuller person.

People are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way.

Especially the people you want to attract, aka awesome men.

5. Single mothers accept their bodies.

You’ve carried and birthed and nursed a baby.

You know what an amazing thing the female body is.

It’s imperfections? Who cares!

Age and childbearing have allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. Including sex.

Part of enjoying that freedom is taking care of the practical side. Everyday issues like UTIs do not have to slow you down, since you can get uti treatment over the counter online through a women’s-health service like Wisp and handle it discreetly from home.

6. Single mothers have become the women they’re meant to be.

When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally.

My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me.

Now, I have reached many milestones in my career, relationships, and inner life.

I know who am, and what I want. Which makes dating about 1,000 times easier.

Dating a widower: 6 things you need to know

7. Single moms are not like that annoying, needy girlfriend.

Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Our time is limited.

How could we be clingy? When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it. This is one thing that younger men looking to date older women tell me they like about that arrangement.

Throw a fit because he didn’t text for 3 days?

Please. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule.

8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy.

Because you have less time. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone.

There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely.

Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one.

9. Sex as a single mom is better.

When you feel comfortable with your body, let go of past hang-ups, and are less critical of your partner – that’s when stuff gets good, including single-mom sex.

Tips for dating after divorce

Not sure about getting out there again, and to be dating as a single mom? Keep reading below, and check out these tips for dating after divorce:

1. Recognize your fears as normal, but commit to dating anyway.

These fears might include:

• Being unattractive with your age/mom bod
• Having too much emotional baggage to attract a quality man
• Traumatizing your kids
• Getting your heart broken

Trust me: used-up, lumpy, wounded moms meet quality men every day of the week. Take it from me! Remember: For every divorced mom on the market, there is a lumpy, wounded single dad! Embrace your humanity — and his.

2. Rest assured: Your kids will be fine

Just don’t date for the sake of looking for a husband, and for the love of God, do not move in any time soon. From my bestselling book, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin):

One of the most-cited studies about single mothers is the harm caused to children by the instability of boyfriends moving in and out of their home and lives. Leading researcher on single mother families, Sarah S. McLalanahan of Princeton University, found that children raised by single mothers (who tend to be younger and poorer than married moms) are more likely to struggle academically, because these single moms have less stable relationships with their children’s fathers, and men overall, with new boyfriends and their children moving in and out of the family home. It is fatherlessness and poverty — not divorce or separated families per se — that put kids at risk.

McLalanahan writes:

We found that divorce and separation play a limited role in shaping children’s cognitive abilities, such as language and mathematical skills, which are tested in conventional school examinations. Maternal education and poverty are much more important in this area. In contrast, family instability plays a much bigger role than mothers’ education or poverty in the development of “social-emotional” skills. For example, family instability has twice as much influence as poverty does on whether children develop aggressive behavior. It is on par with poverty in causing childhood anxiety and shyness.

This research is important, and I urge you to heed it. But do not let it scare you into celibacy, or shame you into sneaking or lying about your romantic life, or staying up late worrying that decisions that led to this point have sentenced your children to a crappy life.

Far from it.

Research highlighting mothers’ relationship instability, which is within your control. The research is not about financially independent, unmarried moms who date a bunch of people without committing to them. The risks associated with “partner instability” have little to do with men who do not live in your house, who are not automatically relegated a boyfriend, move in with his children, and other major life changes that come with serious, committed relationships.

The risk to negative outcomes for your kids, we can assume, plummets if you have a healthy attitude about romance, and are financially stable enough that you are not compulsively tempted to co-habit out of financial destitution, rather than healthy commitment to a shared future with a man or woman you love.

3. Download a dating app and get to it!

Ready to start dating? Looking for a serious relationship? Our No. 1 recommendation is eharmony, which is consistently rated the most trusted dating site, and is designed specifically for those looking for meaningful, long-term connections. A Better Business Bureau rating, and claims “Every day, an average of 438 singles marry a match they found on eharmony.” 3-month free guarantee.

If you are ready to get out there, but need some online dating advice, here you go!

1. Where you live. Each city has its own vibe on each dating site for single moms. For example, OKCupid is among the most popular in New York City where I live, and is the best resource for quality dating. But in other cities, OKC is used mostly for hooking up. Ask your friends. Ask men you date. Check out a few.
2. Each site has different types of men as members. It’s just like looking for a job – you may have your resume posted on Monster.com, Indeed, and a couple of industry-specific sites. Again, check out a few that others recommend, use their free trials or promotions, and see which has the best selection for you. Likely, you will keep a few accounts going at the same time. Sometimes, more is more!
3. Don’t give up too soon. Dating is about dating – meeting new people, learning about yourself, your tastes and needs at this time of your life. Just because a date doesn’t lead to marriage does not make it a disaster! Did you have fun? Meet a nice person? Learn something about yourself? Consider it a success!
4. There is nothing unique about the men who date online. I often hear women say: “I’m giving up on online dating apps! All the guys there are losers!” That is like saying: “I’m going to cut off all my friends who are on Instagram! Only losers are on Instagram!” After all, online dating is 100% normal and commonplace, nothing to be ashamed of and NOT an activity unique to any particular type of person. If online dating isn’t working for you now, take a break, assess how you might approach dating in general, and then try again in a few months.
5. Online dating is what you put into it. If you want to meet honest people, be honest yourself. Here is a deep-dive into why you should be totally honest on your dating profile about your salary and income, as well as whether you have kids. 
6. Have fun! The better your attitude about dating and meeting men, the better your experience — no matter the outcome.

The internet is just a medium for meeting men. A tool for connecting with other humans. Like Facebook or Instagram, but with more potential for sex, romance and STDs (kidding / not kidding).

Keep at it, try new things and keep an open mind. Also: HAVE FUN!

In the meantime, you can also consider dating apps as simply another social media. I did.

This is a story about single-mom dating etiquette, but it is also about single moms cruising for men together. 

Having kids is often a deal-breaker when dating. That is OK.

When it comes to dating, the possession of offspring is right up there with bisexuality (in men), herpes, smoking, being a Republican, and refusal to perform oral sex. Most people have a few things they just aren’t willing to compromise about. No exceptions. As far as I’m concerned, that is perfectly fine.

But that doesn’t mean that dating as a single mom can’t put you in a pickle. Scratch that. Cruising for men can put you in a pickle.

Consider this weekend when I went out with a few SMILFs. And when I say “out,” I mean to a bar where we drank a lot.

We were all having a fine time enjoying our jalapeño margaritas when suddenly a swarm of cute, funny, drunk guys approached. One was celebrating his birthday, most were about our age (mid-30s), and most were firefighters. It was all good fun – lots of laughs and flirts and drinks all around, even if these dudes were not relationship material. After all, what single mom couldn’t use a dose of absurd, slobbering (if innocent) attention from some swaggering members of New York’s bravest?

When one tall blond asked us, “You girls must do really well in a place like this,” my SMILF friends and I shot knowing looks at one another. After all, if these dudes a) took off their Yuengling goggles they might not call us “girls,” and b) were pelted with our full stories of lingering divorce proceedings and preschoolers tucked into bed at their fathers’ apartments for overnight visits, gone would be our free beverages and lingering (albeit out-of-focus) glances. Or so we assumed. So we kept our glossed lips closed.

Now, a certain member of our posse caught the attention of one of these gentlemen, and her evening proceeded on a different path than the rest of us. Suffice it to say that his studio apartment was near the bar. After all, had she taken him home, he may have tripped on the Lightning McQueen collection populating the apartment and noted the California Baby wash in the bathroom. Post-coital he may have been surprised that the only snack she could offer was individually wrapped string cheese and a juice box.

That’s right: She never told him she had kids.

“She lied about having a kid.” 

Don’t lie about having a kid

When to tell a date you have a kid

How to tell a date you have a kid

Bottom line: Why it’s important to tell a date you have a kid

“She lied about having a kid.” 

Turns out, the random drunken hookup turned rather sweet and tender, and now she’d like to see him again. But he doesn’t know she’s a mom, and she has no idea how to broach the subject – or when.

“I don’t think that mentioning my divorce or kids right off the bat is my best bet,” she said later while dissecting her conundrum. “It’s pretty much guaranteed to shut the conversation down before it starts. But if I were to bring it up later, I might give him a chance to get to know and like me – and consider what it might be like to date a single mom.”

My first impulse was to smack the crap out of her. What is this – we manipulate men into loving our sexy ways? Make them fall crazy in love with us, then drop the information bomb about the most important topic in our lives—our dear children? Gimme a break! I say, lay it out. Just slip it into the conversation (“Yeah, just wait till you see my double C-section scar! Yikes!”). Let them make an educated decision as to whether to ask for your number, and go to sleep knowing that you are a decent, honest human being.

Benefits of dating single dads, and where to meet them

On the other hand, I’ve come to realize that I am the ultimate romantic. I believe that the most wonderful things in life are those that we cannot plan for, the things that challenge our ideas about who we are and what we believe. The best experiences in life are those that come with a big dose of magic. And let’s face it – any man willing to sign up for the shitshow that is often single motherhood will have to be rather magical.

I have full faith that there are plenty of guys out there that fit the bill. But to my friend’s point, some of them might not know it until they get friendly with some rather magical single moms (and when I say “moms,” I really mean me). Meeting someone at work, by frequenting the same shawarma cart, on dating sites, or through friends is an entirely different dynamic than chatting up guys at a bar. At a bar, it’s all silliness and fantasy. Until someone gets laid, of course.

While there are lots of men who are open to dating women with children, many – most, probably – are not. Lots of factors at play, and in our case, age is paramount. I asked a 54-year-old divorced friend his opinion on the matter, and he was all for full disclosure. But he pointed out that if he met a woman in a bar who was his age, he’d assume she had kids. Professional 35-year-old women hanging out in a New York City bar? Not so much.

As for my friend (and when I say “my friend,” I really do mean my friend), she’s hoping her love interest Googles her to find the readily available truth about her family status without further effort on her part. So far, he appears to remain clueless. 

How to feel confident when you feel old, gross and fat

Don’t lie about having a kid

A few tales about people lying about having kids on Reddit:

Not over my boyfriend lying about child from r/relationships

Lying about having kids from r/datingoverthirty

When to tell a date you have a kid

When should you tell a man you have a child? 

Right away.

Any delayed reveal nurtures distrust. Horrible way to start a relationship — serious or casual. The last thing you want to do is have a man angry that you lied (and yes, omission is lying) about having a child. 

Just tell him you have kids:

Or, drop it into conversation. Try:

“I have to get going. Have to get up early for my kids’ soccer game in the morning.”

or …

“The babysitter is waiting for me. Here’s my number — continue the conversation over dinner?”

What if you haven’t told him you have a child? Straighten in out ASAP. Say:

“I feel really bad that we have to have this conversation, but I am dating for the first time as a mom, and I didn’t tell you I have a kid. I am so sorry for being dishonest.”

9 reasons dating is better as a single mom

How to tell a date you have a kid

First, get the kid fact out there ASAP. If you are dating online, mention your motherhood in your profile. If a friend introduces you, make sure that fact is known. If you meet a guy through work, or at a bar or hiking, weave it into the conversation.

If for some reason you wind up on a date with someone who does not know you are a mother, just tell them! “I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but I have two kids — how about you?”

NO MATTER WHAT, do not fall into the trap of thinking you must seduce him before dropping the bomb of kids onto the relationship.

Bottom line: Why it’s important to tell a date you have a kid

Kids are not a detriment, and lying and conniving is no way to launch a healthy partnership.