Recently a mom on one of our boards posted:
I feel frustrated by a theme that keeps coming up: Love yourself first and foremost and then love will be drawn into your life. HOW EXACTLY does one, who has highly developed neuro pathways of “not good enough” transition to the “I love myself” place? I feel like I’ve tried everything, and it just doesn’t seem to stick. I still look in the mirror and see the cellulite and the “not good enough” features of my body. Worse, I’m still dealing with the deep childhood imprinting of not being wanted or unconditionally love. I’d like some actual technical advice on this matter! It’s getting old just hearing “love yourself” “have confidence,” etc. without any tangible how-tos that follow.
Such a common challenge, and I appreciate how frustrating it is when all you’re offered are vague platitudes about self-love. No one’s life has ever been turned around by an inspirational Facebook sticker!
Listen to my Like a Mother episode on this:
So, if you’re struggling with feeling hot and sexy, here are 9 things you will do to feel confident:
- Give yourself a compliment on your appearance. Every. Single. Day. Every morning when you’re getting ready, note one thing that is awesome about your appearance: Your pretty teeth. Long eyelashes. Shiny hair. Round booty. Lovely toes. Great style. Perfectly arched eyebrows.
- Give yourself a compliment on YOURSELF every single day. That you’re a fun mom. You killed the presentation. A good listener. A friendly neighbor. A thoughtful friend. A funny lunch companion. Make a mean roast chicken. Have an eye for color in home decor.
- Read my Feel too fat to find great sex? Shut up and read these 3 things …
- Dress up and look your best every single day. This should not take you less than 20 minutes, but will include pretty hair, makeup and clothes you feel great in. If it takes more than 20 minutes, get a new hair style and check out some videos on quick makeup.
- Fake it till you make it. Literally pretend that you feel sexy and confident until you actually do. Make eye contact with an attractive man, even if inside you are absolutely going to die a thousands painful deaths. Strut into a meeting in which you are intimidated with your shoulders back and head held high. Call a meeting with someone who scares the crap out of you. Ask for the promotion as if you know you’ll get it. Reach out to a guy on Match, ignoring any nasty murmurs in your mind that suggest he is out of your league, or will reject you. Just go about your life as if you are the confident, sexy woman you want to be.
- Note someone in your life who walks about as if they are confident and sexy all the time. Fact: They are faking it at least some of the time, too.
- When I was in college and finding my own sexuality, I read a book in the cafe/bookstore where I worked about ‘How to Make Man Crazy In Bed” or somesuch. In the forward, the author recounted how when her circle of girlfriends went out, one woman always got all the attention from men when. The other women couldn’t figure it out — after all, their friend was heavy and not particularly pretty. So they asked her secret. “I know I’m not a natural beauty,” the woman said. “But before I walk into a bar or club, I tell myself: ‘You are the hottest woman in there.’ I believe it, and men then do, too.”
- Have sex with yourself all the time. At least twice per week, masturbate. Maybe you invest in a toy or two, check out some porn or erotica. Learn what turns you on. Get your sexy hormones flowing through your veins, and sexy thoughts flowing through your mind.
- Think to times you adored another person’s body, in all its human splendor, because you adored him. His flubby tummy. Bald head. Love handles. Limp dick. Pock-marked skin. You and your human body are just as lovable, too.
What do you do to feel sexy and confident? Share in the comments!!
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