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Many women assume they will just live off child support and alimony in the event that they divorce. They are often shocked that this is not the case.

Here are the top 3 things SAHMs should do when facing divorce:

  1. Create a plan for financial independence, including starting or building a career. Be realistic, but with big goals.
  2. Share parenting time equally with your soon-to-be ex husband. More below, but this is what hundreds of studies find is best for children, best for women, best for men, and best for gender equality.
  3. Focus on a low-conflict divorce. This can include a DIY divorce agreement, mediation, collaborative or friendly divorce.

There is a growing movement toward equally shared parenting, and thanks to feminism and the opportunities that women have today, judges expect both parents to be adults, work, earn and pay their own bills.

In some cases, a judge may award the lesser-earner alimony, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom who has been out of the workforce many years. But that is not always possible.

Take me, for instance. I was married to a really nice, devoted guy who made a handsome income. We had a baby, bought life insurance, set up automatic contributions to our retirement accounts and emergency savings, and even started a college fund.

He had disability insurance, but that never came into play after he fell off a cliff and nearly died of a brain injury – of which the lingering and devastating symptoms played a big role in dissolving our marriage.

Who could have planned for that? That is a crazy story. Not so crazy are these scenarios:

  • Divorce
  • Unemployment
  • Death of a spouse
  • Disability
  • Life. Stuff just happens and you have to stop working.

When I had my first child I’d enjoyed a lucrative freelance writing business, which I cut down to about third-time after Helena was born. After my ex moved out, I quickly ramped up my workload.

So when the child support and health insurance stopped because he was fired (again, related to the injury), I was able to swing my family financially, even after I had another baby.

Had I not had a career, or an ongoing business, my son, daughter and my life would be in a very, very different place. We would likely be broke. I would be angry.

I would be selling stuff I really care about and making decisions about our futures out of fear instead of love and happiness. I would have fewer choices, less power.

What happens if you get divorced as a stay at home mom?

What to do when you can’t afford to leave your husband?

Should a stay-at-home mom get a job before divorce?

Do stay-at-home moms get alimony in divorce?

Stay at home divorce: Alimony and how it holds women back (alimony arguments debunked)

Do stay-at-home moms get custody in divorce?

How a SAHM can afford to leave a marriage

Stay-at-home mom divorce FAQs

Bottom line: If you are a stay at home mom getting a divorce, be prepared

What happens if you get divorced as a stay at home mom?

Molly Rosenblum, owner and founding attorney of The Rosenblum Allen Law Firm in Las Vegas, says in Nevada, the expectation of the courts is that stay-at-home mothers will find some way to contribute financially to their own support. 

This usually means that the court will require stay-at-home mothers to become employed or enrolled in an education program to obtain future employment. 

While this may not be true in every state, it’s in your best interest to prepare financially for your future. Rosenblum offers this guidance for what to do if your spouse files for divorce: 

  1. Prepare a budget and asset and debt sheet to give to the attorney and/or judge so that the court has an understanding of the financial picture. 
  2. Gather relevant documents to support your asset and debt schedules. This could include tax returns, mortgage statements, car loan documents, utility bills, credit card statements, loan documents, bank statements, and other financial information. 
  3. Come up with a plan for income in case the court does not award enough support or if your spouse doesn’t pay the ordered support. That might include obtaining education or investments to help supplement income. 
  4. Present alimony/child support to the judge. In Nevada, this can be done by way of a motion hearing or trial.

Beware of these 18 sneaky divorce tactics so you can overcome them

What to do when you can’t afford to leave your husband?

“Afford” is a relative term. Are you worried about maintaining your current lifestyle, and staying in your nice zip code with good schools? Or are you actually penniless and unable to rent a room and buy food?

Of course, money really does matter — a whole lot. In fact, I’d argue money matters more than love. After all, if you are asking “What to do when you can’t afford to leave your husband?” You likely no longer love your husband, and need money to get on with your life. You might even need money to get yourself and your kids out of a dangerous or abusive situation.

Ready to leave, but don’t have your own income?

  1. If you don’t have a job, get a job. There are many career-level jobs for stay-at-home moms including: bookkeeping, coding and programming, and proofreading.
  2. If you have a job, work towards a raise or promotion. Take on a side gig.
  3. Call an attorney. RocketLawyer has an attorney directory where you can ask questions and get quick advice starting at $49. Read our RocketLawyer review.
  4. Educate yourself about the divorce process.
  5. Find out where the money is. If you are not earning the money, chances are you do not know how much money your ex makes, where the investment accounts are, or who has the mortgage in their name.
  6. Who gets the house in a divorce? Divorce property and assets division guide
  7. Aim for a low-conflict, amicable divorce. The less you fight, the better off everyone will be long-term, especially the kids. Since you are in a financially disadvantageous position, you are more likely to lose if your case goes to court, or you have to fight your ex and a nasty lawyer.
  8. Take steps to be financially independent. Open your own bank and credit card accounts. Get a job and strategize for getting a better one. Understand what you can afford to live on comfortably, and how to sell your house.

Put your money in your own, separate account that your husband has no access to. I advise this for all women, but if you are in splitsville mode, you need to make sure that you have cash on hand. Once divorce proceedings start you must declare this account for a fair splitting of assets, but until then you need that money. Don’t forget to keep an eye on your credit score.

Now, call an attorney. Tell them your plans, your family’s financial situation, and get a sense of what you are looking at financially during and after a divorce. Now, no matter if a lawyer tells you that alimony or a big settlement are likely (which they are not for most women), stay focused on earning and building your own income and wealth. Do not under any circumstances build your life around dependency on this man. That is how you got yourself into this mess in the first place.

If money is tight, you and your spouse may benefit from a mediated divorce, in which the two of you work for a short period of time with a neutral, trained professional to work out any disagreements about terms of your divorce.

Also: Do not use money as a reason to stay in an unhappy or abusive situation. It is OK to move in with your parents or a friend, or in an emergency, a shelter, to get out of bad situation and plant seeds for a better life. You are not helpless, and you are not pathetic. Money is just a hurdle that you have to overcome, and you can — and will.

There are many career-level jobs you can do from home:

Check out this story of a stay-at-home mom who overcame poverty after divorce and her advice for other stay-at-home moms:

What to do when your husband or wife says they’re done

Should a stay-at-home mom get a job before divorce?

Yes, stay-at-home moms should get a job, period. Some attorneys or ill-informed friends may suggest that by keeping your income low, you will qualify for more child support and/or alimony. This is lousy advice for two reasons:

  1. Child support and alimony are almost never enough to live on, are unreliable (only 40% of child support owed is actually paid), increase conflict with your ex — which makes co-parenting harder — and keeps you small and dependent on that man. 
  2. Increasingly, judges — especially female judges, who themselves are ambitious, professional women — have little sympathy for women who choose not to work. Show the court and your ex and the world that no matter your current financial situation, you are committed to growing your earning potential, working hard and achieving financial independence. 

Check out our post with a list of jobs for stay-at-home moms and learn more about why you can’t afford to be a stay at home mom.

Do stay-at-home moms get alimony in divorce?

Here is the reality of what to expect in divorce:

Alimony is going out of favor with judges, as women gain more access to careers and education. Child support is still common, but rarely, if ever, enough to live off of.

Plus, there is increasing support for equally shared parenting time, and no child support at all, paid to either party. After all, if both parents now have responsibility for the kids equal time, and each have equal time to work and earn, it does not make sense for one parent to pay the other parent’s bills.

The best-case scenario is that you are awarded financial assistance from your husband for a limited time, and are expected to find work and become financially independent of him.

The very best-case scenario is that you both equally share in the responsibility of raising the children. This is hard to do when he is really angry about financially supporting you, and you are really angry that he doesn’t do his share, or that your lifestyle is so compromised.

Many women assume that their kids’ dads are not capable of being good fathers because they were not very involved during the marriage. However, there is a phenomena in which men thrive in fatherhood after divorce, in part because they have to now that the mother is not around to save them, and also because they find their groove and confidence as a parent because they are not being criticized or otherwise default to the mother, who is around and involved more.

Read these rules about how to be a good co-parent. Also, learn more about what science says about equally shared parenting time.

One of the first co-parenting apps, and widely used app, OurFamilyWizard, which features chat, information storage (like pediatrician and teacher contact info, prescriptions, etc.), and financial record-keeping. 30-day free trial, discounts for military families, and a program to provide OurFamilyWizard free to low-income families. Each parent can add unlimited numbers of other people for free, including children, grandparents, step and bonus parents, as well as attorneys. Read our review of OurFamilyWizard.com.

Stay at home divorce: Alimony and how it holds women back (alimony arguments debunked)

Alimony was a huge feminist coup in the 1960s and 1970s when divorce rates first skyrocketed, and women had scant professional, education, legal, political and financial standing (Sisters: we were not allowed to hold a credit card in our own names until 1973!).

Since then, the world has changed, laws and opportunities have changed, and so, too, must what we expect from marriage — and life post-marriage.

Thankfully, alimony reform is underway in almost every state in the United States, and lifetime maintenance is more or less over.

Despite the blaring reality that men and women should always have a way to support themselves, women are still pressured painfully to be full-time stay-at-home moms.

Pew Research found that 40 percent of Americans believe it harms children when mothers work outside the home, and 80 percent of respondents told Working Mother magazine they feel guilty for working.

Nevermind the fact that the vast majority of mothers need to work so they and their children can eat, or the mounds of both research and anecdotes that prove that children, mothers, marriages and the economy thrive when moms are employed — we are still told that at-home is best.

Today I understand that turning down alimony and supporting women in financial independence is the real equality coup.

If you, like me, assumed that alimony was good for women, was a source of fairness and justice, you likely have one of these arguments the ready. Let’s break them down:

Alimony argument: 

We had an agreement — He would work and earn, and I would stay home with the kids. He broke that agreement and now owes me.

I am all about approaching marriage as a business deal, and in fact, you did have a deal.

Business deals end every single day, and I know of zero exits in which one business partner is ordered to compensate the other in perpetuity for hurt feelings and lost earning potential.

Divorce, just like in business, includes splitting the assets, debts, and finding an equitable way of managing and taking care of any outstanding obligations (like child rearing).

In business, no one is monetarily punished because the cafe couldn’t turn a profit, or the bicycle shop burned down, or the software company went belly-up in a recession.

In business, when shit happens, both partners suck it up and do their best to move on with their respective lives, like two adults.

First of all, a full-time stay-at-home mom is not full-time work after our kids turn age 3. For our great-grandmothers, housework was a full-time endeavor. It hasn’t been since the 1950s. Instead, nearly all housework is automated and outsourced to clothing and linen manufacturers in China, commercial farmers and food manufacturers, makers of washing machines, dishwashers, coffee makers, vacuum cleaners, self-cleaning ovens — and every other modern convenience that makes the idea of a “housewife” laughable.

In fact, helicopter parenting not only holds kids back, but it makes women broke.

Child care and housekeeping do of course still need to be done, though all research finds that children ages 3 and older do far better at quality child care centers, and benefit zero from long hours with parents. Even for hours that mothers do spend with children have a market rate. Again, if you argue that you should be paid alimony for your house and child care duties, that rate should be based on market rate — not a percentage of your husband’s income.

Child care centers costs on average, nationally, $226 per week for one child, according to a survey by Care.com, and the Bureau of Labor Statistics found that house cleaning averages $13.84 per hour.

That means that if you were enjoying a lifestyle that corresponds with more than, say, a $20,000 annual income, you got a great bargain.

And if you were living at or below the poverty line during your marriage, then a judge probably wouldn’t grant you any of your ex’s income — because there simply isn’t enough to go around.

Alimony argument:

He needs to compensate her for lost wages

You may say: “It is not fair. I forsook my career and earning potential to stay home / work part-time / take a lower-paying job, which allowed him to build his career, and now I am SOL. He needs to compensate me for that lost earning potential, and for helping him to build his career.”

First of all, you say that this was a mutually agreed-upon arrangement, and perhaps it was.

But, the real story likely includes some element of at least one of these scenarios:

  • You got laid off/ fired / your business tanked and you just never got back in the career saddle.
  • You weren’t very good at your chosen career. Your business never worked out, or you never had much of a career to start with.
  • Your husband urged you to work. Begged and pleaded with you, and you refused.

Maybe it is a little bit of all those stories. These things can be complicated, open for interpretation.

Child care is crazy-expensive, and at the time, it very likely seemed like you had no choice but to stay home.

No matter. The reality: You took a risk, and decided not to have a career — or down-ramped to a lower-paying job with less potential.

You chose to be dependent on a man, even though there are no financial experts in the world who would support that as a wise move.

You knew very well that divorce rates have hovered around 50 percent for 40 years, yet you did nothing to financially protect yourself or your children against that.

Breakups aside, there is pretty much a 100% chance that your husband would

a) Become disabled

b) Become unemployed

c) Become chronically ill

d) Die

You likely have life and disability insurance, which you are far less than 50% likely to need.

But you did nothing to maintain your earning potential which would protect your family in any of those scenarios, either.

That was a risk you took. It didn’t work out, and you lost. I’m sorry about that. I really am. But it is not another person’s responsibility to compensate you for your loss. Scratch-off didn’t win? You don’t sue the bodega owner.

As for the notion that you made your husband’s career … OMG. First, if you were, in fact, a co-owner of a business, then hopefully you got that legally locked down, and then there are mechanisms for divvying that up, or, in some cases, ex-spouses go on to successfully co-run businesses. Pretty cool.

But if you think that taking care of the kids and house makes a man, guess again.

  1. That man goes to work every day with successful women who are also wives and mothers — many of them single mothers. And plenty of them are really hot. Women can and do it all. (But not entitled ones.)
  2. Increasingly, judges who insist that stay-at-home moms get back to work ASAP are often females — judges who themselves had to claw their way to the bench in a chauvinist industry, while their children enjoyed perfectly nice child care. Male judges are sick of educated, competent, healthy women arguing that they should not have to work — as many of of these guys have professionally hard-working wives (or ex-wives to whom they bitterly pay alimony). The sympathy for this thinking is simply out of step with the times.

Alimony argument:

I do work! I am building a business / doing art / going back to school. We agreed I would get this off the ground, and he would support me!

Again, I get that was the verbal contract, and it is now not being honored.

That happens, and it is often unfair. I am sorry.

In the real world, every upstart endeavor has its limits. Startups answer to investors who demand returns on their funding. Your startup did not have those real-life limits.

Art patrons expect quality, marketable work after a certain period — or other favors. You were in a cushy arrangement in which you did not have to answer for your lack of success.

The good news is that I can attest to hearing countless stories of women who left an unhappy marriage, only to find themselves surprised by their success — and a bit dismayed at the realization that they’d held themselves back professionally, creatively and financially for the sake of pandering to a man’s ego.

That was my story.

Ladies, the free market is a beautiful thing.

Too much cushy support with no accountability is good for no one.

This is scary, I know. You can do it. Trick: When I find myself really scared about making it, screwing up my kids, living on the street, I have a mantra:

Dumber people have done this successfully.

Again, if alimony is even a consideration, you are very likely to be rich. Get over yourself, get a job.

Alimony argument:

He has so much more than I do. It’s not fair.

You know who has a lot more money than I do? A whole, whole, whole lot of people.

Some of them I know personally.

Do I expect these rich people to write me a check every month to equalize our lifestyles? No, because I didn’t earn their money.

You are no longer married to this man.

You do not get to enjoy a lifestyle you did not earn just because once upon a time you were attractive to a man who was able to provide a lifestyle higher than one you earned yourself. I don’t care if you are very, very beautiful, charming, from an impressive family or have a golden, fur-lined pussy.

You are not entitled to anyone else’s anything if you did not earn it yourself.

He is free to go on and build and enjoy whatever lifestyle he wants. You are, too. That is the beauty of divorce.

The sooner your bank accounts and homes are separate, the sooner you will both go forth, and hopefully, create happy lives.

Perhaps you have a career — even a very successful one — that happens to earn a lot less than your now-ex.

Again, that is your choice. You chose that career, knowing its earning limitations.

Your ex chose a different career — one with a higher cap. Perhaps you love your work, and he hates his.

Do you owe him a slice of your professional fulfillment each month?

Further, by insisting that your lifestyle be attached to his income only perpetuates the sexist message that a woman’s worth is directly related to the social class of the man she marries/has sex with.

NOT A GOOD LOOK.

Argument:

This is not money for me; it is for the kids.

No, and you know that. Child support is for the kids; alimony is for the lessor-earning spouse to “maintain the lifestyle in which they are accustomed.”

To fulfill that promise, you are putting untold energy, time and money into finding ways to get money from a man with whom you are no longer romantically involved. If you get that money, you will be forever financially dependent on him.

That isn’t a good look.

Alimony argument: 

I was always taught that it is best for children and marriages when the mom stays home, and if the marriage ended, then we were protected by alimony. Now we are all SCREWED.

If you have been arguing with me as you read this, you are likely really angry at your ex, the world, and there is likely a deep sense of shame about decisions you made.

I understand. I was a stay-at-home mom for about a year, and I decided to leave a high-paying career that I loved passionately, without any critical thought at all, because I blindly bought the presumption that being a full-time stay-at-home mom is what is best for children.

Pew Research found that 40 percent of Americans believe it actually HARMS children when their mothers work outside the home!

Turns out, you and I were totally wrong. Research by Harvard’s Kathleen McGinn found, after studying 30,000 families in 20 countries, that both boys and girls with working mothers fared better than those with stay-at-home moms.

A University of Maryland meta-study of more than 30 other pieces of research concluded that after age 2, it doesn’t matter at all how many hours parents spend with their kids. Stunning. Totally against what we were taught, and what we assumed.

Which brings us to your point: This isn’t fair. It isn’t fair. You were fed one line, a path for success and family health, and you obediently obeyed. Then the script changed, you divorced, and you are left high and dry.

Here is what no one will say to you: I’m sorry, but too bad, you still have it damned good.

We are in the middle of a war on sexism. A revolution for gender equality. In war and revolutions, there are casualties. Historically, these casualties are lives and limbs and eyesight.

Today, the fallout is that you might have to move from a large house to an apartment.

Or from your own apartment to sharing a home with a relative or friend. You may have to work in a job below your education level.

I imagine that is hard and embarrassing.

Yet, you are not dead or dismembered.

Here, in the divorce wars, the casualties are children — and it is all connected to money. Statistically, the #1 reason for divorced spouses returning to court, again and again, is alimony.

When you are fighting with your ex, you cannot co-parent. When money is at stake, lesser-earning parents (moms) are prone to fight for unequal parenting time, so as to qualify for more child support.

When parenting time is unequal, the lesser-time parent (dads), are statistically likely to check out of their children’s lives. Fatherlessness is a critical issue in this country. Money is central to it.

The goal is to raise young women and men to presume financial and logistical responsibilities for themselves and their children.

That won’t happen if mothers and grandmothers are modeling financial dependence and traditional gender roles.

That won’t happen if young people do not have a model.

When you are going through the life-fuck that is divorce, you likely feel powerless.. Every vertical of your life is in upheaval, and the sense of loss of control can be crippling.

The reality is that you have enormous power here. You have the power to focus on your beliefs and morals and act accordingly.

When you tell your ex: “I know I can go after more of your money, but I won’t so we can both get on with this,” or “You know I am totally broke here, so if you can agree to pay me alimony for 18 months so I can get back on my feet, we can both move on with it already,” you are so powerful.

You are expressing to him grace and maturity (even if he doesn’t deserve it, and I understand that he may not!). You are expressing to your children the importance of co-parenting, and therefore their well-being and security.

You are telling every young woman who is watching you the importance of caring for her own financial self throughout her life.

And you are modeling to everyone watching you the power of forgiveness and strength in the face of adversity — and that includes forgiveness of yourself.

Do stay-at-home moms get custody in divorce?

Traditionally, the assumption was that children’s lives should not be disrupted if at all possible in divorce. Four decades of widespread divorce have taught us that by keeping women financially dependent on men in an effort to keep her home with the kids is a recipe for poverty for everyone involved, high tensions and co-parenting conflict — and no one moving on after divorce.

Instead, stay-at-home moms today are not automatically entitled to keep the house, and fathers are far more involved than generations past. There is an increasing movement to award equal, 50-50 parenting time to the parents, since that is what 60 peer-reviewed studies find is what is best for children, and what is fair and equitable to men and women.

This all may seem to be scary and overwhelming, and I understand why: You assumed your life would be a certain way, that you had an agreement with the division of home and money labor with your husband, and it is now all over.

Many women who were stay-at-home moms fail to demand payment full-time child care because they have a hard time imagining that they will need it — or simply can’t let go of their dream of staying home. Instead, I urge you to hire a nanny or day care full-time, and get to work. You and your ex should split evenly child care expenses since they benefit you each equally — though a family court judge likely will order that this expense be split according to each party’s income.

Plus, recent research found that moms who share parenting time equally are more likely to earn more. Our study of 2,279 single moms found that those who share parenting time 50/50 are 300% more likely to earn at least $100,000 per year.

Plus, if you take custody out of the fight, you are more likely to have an uncontested divorce, which means less money, less time, less stress and better outcomes for your whole family.

How a SAHM can afford to leave a marriage

Here’s the good news: We live in an age of unprecedented opportunity for women and mothers. The economy and feminists before us have created a scenario in which we do not have to be dependent on men. We can work and earn and live in whatever goddamned house we want to afford.

And you will find as you move past your divorce, and date and find love and build a career, that you don’t want to have the kids around 24/7. You will look forward to recharging and relaxing while they are with their dad. That is normal and healthy, because you are a normal, healthy woman.

Even better: Today part-time, consulting and freelance work is not only increasingly available to employees, but also growing in popularity among employers. There is such incredible opportunity all around you!

Single mom struggles: How to overcome 9 stereotypes keeping you broke

How do stay at home moms protect themselves financially?

The best way for stay-at-home moms to protect themselves financially is to keep a foot in the professional world with a part-time job or side gig, ideally one that could transition into a full-time gig if you needed to support yourself independently.

If you live in a community property state, the value of all assets and debts obtained after the marriage are supposed to be divided 50/50. That means even if you don’t work, you are entitled to 50% of the value of your house, cars, and any other shared property.

These states are:

  • Arizona
  • California
  • Idaho
  • Louisiana
  • Nevada
  • New Mexico
  • Texas
  • Washington
  • Wisconsin

However, if you live in an equitable distribution state, property is divided fairly, not necessarily 50/50. A judge will determine how the property is divided unless you and your spouse agree ahead of time or work with a mediator to divide assets.

Stay-at-home mom divorce FAQs

Are stay at home moms more likely to divorce?

Two Boston University economists found that divorce rates were lower in states with a high percentage of two-earner households. Likewise, states where a high percentage of women were employed — such as Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Iowa — had a lower divorce rate than states like Kentucky or Arizona, where less women were employed. 

What if as a stay at home mom I’m scared to divorce?

Rosenblum says stay-at-home moms are often hesitant to divorce because they fear losing their children, their home, and their financial security.

“We often see stay-at-home moms who have been emotionally, financially, and even physically abused stay in their marriage because of this fear,” Rosenblum says. More commonly, however, is that women are simply scared of the unknown that will come with leaving a marriage — and losing their quality of life. 

If you know the relationship is over, not healthy, or potentially dangerous, Rosenblum says you need to leave it for the sake of you and your children. 

“No amount of financial safety is worth your life, your physical health, and potentially your children’s health and safety to stay,” she says. 

If you are a stay-at-home mom who wants to divorce, Rosenblum recommends making a plan if you are in a safe environment and have time to do so, asking yourself the following questions:  

  1. How will you pay your bills if you don’t get an immediate award of spousal support? 
  2. How will you become self-supporting? 
  3. What happens if your ex doesn’t pay you for one month? 

“When I meet with stay-at-home moms, we usually map this out and talk this out from the very beginning of our retention,” Rosenblum says. Again, do not wait until after the divorce to start on your new professional journey.

How do stay at home moms survive divorce?

Rosenblum says counseling and self-care are a big part of getting through divorce as a stay-at-home mom, as well as finding a support network of friends, family, and community. 

“Divorce is a shock to a stay-at-home mom’s very being, and getting her through it takes a little more,” Rosenblum says. 

She says she helps stay-at-home moms budget their finances, plan for long-term savings and retirement, figure out custodial schedules, and find daycare if they return to work full time.

“As lawyers, we try to help them find a light at the end of the tunnel,” Rosenblum says. “We try to help them see their new life and explain that this is a new chapter for them.”

Surround yourself with other positive, professional women to absorb by osmosis that your new reality is healthy and productive for both you and your children — who will likely thrive in daycare. 

Bottom line: If you are a stay at home mom getting a divorce, be prepared

If you are a stay-at-home mom getting a divorce, the most important thing to do is be prepared, both for the divorce proceedings and for life after divorce. Make a plan to secure a job, find housing if needed, and secure child care. 

If you can, aim for a collaborative divorce, where you and your ex set the terms of your divorce on your own or with a mediator. This works if you can agree on things like: 

  • Division of assets (house, cars, etc.)
  • Debts
  • Child custody schedules
  • Child support and alimony

How to divorce a narcissist

What to do when you can’t afford to leave your husband?

Do not use money as a reason to stay in an unhappy or abusive situation. It is OK to move in with your parents or a friend, or in an emergency, a shelter, to get out of bad situation and plant seeds for a better life.

What happens if you get divorced as a stay at home mom?

Molly Rosenblum, owner and founding attorney of The Rosenblum Allen Law Firm in Las Vegas, says in Nevada, the expectation of the courts is that stay-at-home mothers will find some way to contribute financially to their own support.

Should a stay-at-home mom get a job before divorce?

Yes, stay-at-home moms should get a job, period. Some attorneys or ill-informed friends may suggest that by keeping your income low, you will qualify for more child support and/or alimony. This is lousy advice.

Do stay-at-home moms get alimony in divorce?

Alimony is going out of favor with judges, as women gain more access to careers and education. Child support is still common, but rarely, if ever, enough to live off of. The best-case scenario is that you are awarded financial assistance from your husband for a limited time, and are expected to find work and become financially independent of him.

How do stay at home moms protect themselves financially?

The best way for stay-at-home moms to protect themselves financially is to keep a foot in the professional world with a part-time job or side gig, ideally one that could transition into a full-time gig if you needed to support yourself independently.

Are stay at home moms more likely to divorce?

Two Boston University economists found that divorce rates were lower in states with a high percentage of two-earner households.

Similar to pawnbrokers or pawn shops, consignment shops sell secondhand items on behalf of the original owner, who receives a percentage of the selling price.

Whether you’re looking for ways to expand your wardrobe on a budget or cash in on nice clothes you no longer wear, consignment stores can be a solid option.

Most consignment stores offer a broad selection of second-hand casual, business, and evening threads at much lower prices than you’d find in your local department store.

Some even let you “sell” your clothing back to the store in exchange for cash or store credit.

What is the different between a consignment store and a thrift store? or a secondhand store?

What is the difference between a thrift store and a second hand store?

How does a consignment shop work?

How do I sell something on consignment?

How much do consignment stores pay?

What sells the most at consignment shops?

How much money can you make from a consignment shop?

How to find “consignment stores near me”

National consignment stores near you

Online consignment shops

Luxury consignment 

Which consignment store pays the most?

Is consignment a good idea? Are consignment shops worth it?

Ready to sell? 5 tips for selling on consignment

What is the difference between a consignment store and a thrift store?

While some people may use the terms “thrift shop” and “consignment shop” interchangeably, they are in fact very different beasts. 

Consignment shops are for-profit businesses that specialize in reselling items. Many of the most popular consignment shops specialize in reselling fashion, such as clothing, shoes, jewelry, and more.

Other consignment shops can operate in a variety of niches, such as furniture or home furnishings.

Consignment shops typically operate in one of two ways: 

  1. Either they purchase an item from a seller and then resell it themselves at a markup
  2. They accept an item for consignment and then pay the original seller a percentage of the sales price if and when the item sells.

While consignment shops are for-profit businesses, thrift shops are typically non-profit organizations run by charities. Instead of purchasing items from sellers to then resell, thrift shops are dependent on donations, which they then sell on to consumers.

Any profit made from these sales is used to fund operations of the charity, and also to support the general mission of the underlying charity. Due to this, consignment shops will typically carry higher quality or “nicer” items than thrift shops will. 

If you have an item such as old clothing that you no longer want, but don’t want to sell, either a thrift shop or consignment shop can be a good option. If you believe that your item still has value and that someone would be willing to pay you for it, such as designer clothing or handbags, then your best bet will be to approach a consignment shop first.

If the item is less valuable or a consignment shop has already turned you down, then a thrift shop will likely be willing to accept it as a donation, which will be better than the item ending up in a landfill. 

21 apps for selling stuff online or “near me”

What is the difference between a thrift store and a second hand store?

The term “second hand store” can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. At its most basic, it simply refers to a venue that specializes in selling items (like clothing, shoes, handbags, furniture, etc.) that have already been owned and used. This definition encompasses both thrift stores and consignment shops, which are very different types of business. 

Thrift shops are non-profit organizations that sell items they receive via donation. They do not purchase the items they sell. Any money they make by selling the donations they’ve accepted is used to fund the mission of the charity that owns the non-profit. Consignment shops, on the other hand, are for-profit businesses that purchase items from their original owners and then resell for a profit. 

This means that both thrift stores and consignment stores can be considered second-hand stores, even though they are built upon very different business models. If the second-hand store is a for-profit business, then they are likely a consignment shop; if they are a charity-run non-profit, then they are likely a thrift store. 

How does a consignment shop work?

Typically, when you sell clothes, accessories, furniture, or appliances via consignment, you take your item to the store — or send them photos of larger pieces — and the consignment shop will decide whether or not to take your item.

Once they accept, you drop off your items at the consignment store, receive a receipt, and then leave. Usually, the consignment store chooses how to display and price your item. You then collect a percentage of sales once per month.

In some cases, you are paid a fixed sum upfront for any items the consignment store accepts.

How pawnbrokers work and where to find a local pawn shop

How do I sell something on consignment?

Selling on consignment can vary in details depending on where you sell, but the gist is this:

  • The consignment store (online or in-person), accepts your items to sell
  • The store is responsible for displaying, promoting and selling your item
  • If and when the item sells, you get a share of the price paid, and the consignment store gets the rest 

If your item does not sell, or does not sell within an agreed-upon time, typically you can get it back. 

How much do consignment stores pay?

Consignment shops pay one of two ways:

  1. The consignment shop pays you a flat rate, upfront.
  2. The consignment store pays you a percentage of the sale price of your item if and when it is sold.

It is common for clothing consignment shops to pay modest up-front fees for quality items in good condition. 40-60% of what the store expects to retail the item for is a common range for consignment fees — whether you are paid up-front, or upon sale. Many consignment shops offer store credit at a higher percentage than if you accept cash.

What sells the most at consignment shops?

While payouts vary based on the brand, quality, and type of item, Kiplinger reports that upholstered and leather furniture sells best at consignment shops. 

Not sure what else you can sell? Check out this list of 33 things you can sell to make money.

How much money can you make from a consignment shop?

The answer to the question of how much cash you can make from consignment shops depends on:

  • Quality and retail value of your item.
  • Demand for your item. Is it in style? In season? Can the consignment shop resell it quickly, for a high price?
  • Percentage the consignment shop pays.
  • Limit on number of items consignment shop accepts

How to find “consignment stores near me”

First, you can use our tool below to help you find a consignment store near you. Simply provide your zip code, and it will yield Google results for consignment shops in your area.

Next, look at reviews, which should have experiences from both buyers and sellers. Online reputation can be a good indicator of what to expect at that consignment shop.

You may decide to visit a few consignment stores near you to see if you can make more money.

google-maps-usa-image

National consignment stores near you

Your search may yield consignment shops that are exclusive to your city, but you may also find national consignment shops near you. Popular chains of consignment stores include:

Plato’s Closet

Plato’s Closet is a nationwide clothing consignment franchise with locations in 50 states. They buy gently used clothes and accessories for teens and young men and women. You can also choose to accept store credit for a larger sum. Pays cash. Accepts some online sales.

Find a Plato’s Closet near you

Buffalo Exchange

Similar to Plato’s Closet, Buffalo Exchange is a clothing consignment brand with locations throughout the United States. They buy your gently used men’s, women’s and children’s clothing and accessories with a premium if you choose store credit. Pays cash. 30-item limit. Accepts some online sales and drop-offs.

Search for a Buffalo Exchange in your city

Once Upon a Child

Owned by parent company Plato’s Closet, Once Upon a Child is a great place to sell your gently used children’s clothes, especially name-brand items.

Find a Once Upon a Child location

Remember, all these businesses share a desire to purchase high-quality, clean items in good condition that are currently in style. After all, if they can’t resell it, they can’t make a profit! Bring your best items!

Online consignment shops

Just like every other retail transaction, consignment shops are also going online. Buffalo Exchange is an example of a brick-and-mortar consignment clothing shop that now offers online, mail-in sales.

How to get rid of junk: 24+ free and cheap junk removal options

What is online consignment? How do online consignment stores work?

The concept of online consignment is the same as in-person, but items are mailed in via a special mailer, assessed by the consignment company, and you are offered a fee, or your items are rejected and (maybe) returned. Online consignment typically pays via Paypal, check or bank transfer.

Thredup

ThredUp is a leading online consignment store for women’s and children’s clothing. The site pays up to 80% of its retail price, but the Internet is full of tales of very picky selection, and very very low payouts (sometimes less than $1!).

Poshmark

Poshmark is an online consignment shop, similar in many ways to ThredUp and Mercari. Sellers use the platform to list items for sale, which buyers then browse. When Poshmark launched, it was originally focused on clothing, accessories, and shoes, but the platform has since expanded to include jewelry, children’s toys, art, and home goods as well. Poshmark pays 20% commission.

According to the site, there are more than 100 million items for sale on the platform, which consists of more than 60 million community members.

Mercari

Like ThredUp and Poshmark, Mercari is an online consignment shop. The company bills itself as “The Selling App,” a place for users to list items for sale that they no longer want or use. The platform accepts most items, as long as they are capable of being shipped.

TheRealReal

TheRealReal is another online consignment shop, but this one specializes only in high-end and luxury fashion — and takes a 30-50% commission. TheRealReal reserves the right to price and discount your item at will — which of course cuts into your bottom line, but may also increase the chances of a sale. 

Crossroads Trading

Crossroads Trading is a newer clothing assignment option that give you the option to sell directly to a physical location, get store credit for Crossroads Trading purchases, drop off or send in your item. You can also choose to get paid on consignment for a higher percentage (up to 70%, vs 30% if you choose cash) in the event your item sells.

Luxury consignment 

There are likely luxury consignment shops near you as well. Ask around or check your local Yelp and Google listings. Such stores may be referred to as vintage clothing stores, antique shops, used clothing stores, or thrift shops.

Clothing consignment

In its 2022 Luxury Consignment Report, TheRealReal reports that these brands consistently appear in top 10 lists across all seller demographics: 

  • Louis Vuitton
  • Gucci
  • Prada
  • Chanel
  • Rag & Bone
  • Tory Burch

Designer handbag consignment

Reselling designer luxury and high-end handbags from brands like Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Coach, Hermes and Dior? These are quality sites that do not traffic in fake bags:

  • Rebag
  • The Luxury Closet 
  • 1st Dibs
  • Stock X 
  • TheRealReal
  • The Vestaire Collective 
  • Fashionphile 
  • Yoogi’s Closet 
  • Bag Borrow or Steal 

Furniture consignment

There are likely furniture consignment stores near you — aka vintage furniture stores, antique shops, antique malls, used furniture stores — that accept antiques, vintage furniture, household items like china, silver flatware and art. Check your local Google listings and reviews.

There are also online furniture consignment platforms such as Everything But the House, Chairish, and 1stdibs.

Learn about other ways to sell used furniture.

Jewelry consignment

Jewelry stores and antique shops both may purchase your estate and vintage jewelry — either for a flat rate or on a consignment agreement.

You can also sell via online platforms DiamondsUSA for all diamond jewelry, and CashforGoldUSA for gold, silver, and platinum jewelry, coin collections, scrap and bullion.

Before you start consigning or selling jewelry, you should know what you have. These posts can help you understand what you own and how much it is worth:

All about estate jewelry

How to sell your timepiece for the highest price 

All about selling gold jewelry

What you need to know about jewelry appraisals and where to find one

Learn what your gemstone is worth

How to sell your engagement ring for the highest price 

Understand what your diamond is worth and how to sell it

Learn about the top online jewelry auction sites.

Wedding dress consignment

Local and online consignment stores may resell your wedding gown — including ThredUp, Nearly Newlywed, Borrowing Magnolia, Once Wed, and PreownedWeddingDresses.com.

Learn more in our post all about what to do with your used wedding dress.

Which consignment store pays the most?

ThredUp pays up to 80% of the sale price, but the site is very picky and reviewers complain that very high-quality, in-style luxury brands are reject (or worse, “rejected” and then posted on sites like ebay).

As such, other consignment sites like Poshmark and Mercari may be a better deal for you.

Is consignment a good idea? Are consignment shops worth it?

There are many quality, reputable consignment shops that can give you quick cash for your used items — or slow cash in the hopes of earning more for the stores that pay upon purchase.

It is a personal choice for how you want to get rid of your used valuables — but it can make sense to outsource the sale of clothes, furniture, jewelry or other valuables to a retailer who knows how to advertise, display and sell.

Ready to sell? 5 tips for selling on consignment

Selling your gently used, quality items can be a good idea if:

  1. Your item is high quality and in good condition
  2. It is an item that is in-demand in terms of the style and brand
  3. You have the time and skill to market the item either through a website like eBay, or a consignment shop near you — or are willing to relinquish control and sell through an online consignment store
  4. You are patient and do not need the money right away 
  5. You are not emotionally or financially entangled with the item and are willing to accept the item will not sell for the price you expect — or at all

For the vast majority of used clothes, jewelry, household and other items, selling directly to a thrift store, buyback site, or directly to the seller is usually a better deal because it is quick, less work, and you can easily get rid of items you do not need or want. 

Thankfully, there are quality buyback businesses, including some in your town, as well as reputable online sites. 

What is the difference between a consignment store and a thrift store?

Consignment shops are for-profit businesses which specialize in reselling items. If you believe that your item still has value and that someone would be willing to pay you for it, then your best bet will be to approach a consignment shop first.

What is the difference between a thrift store and a second hand store?

This means that both thrift stores and consignment stores can be considered second-hand stores, even though they are built upon very different business models. If the second-hand store is a for-profit business, then they are likely a consignment shop; if they are a charity-run non-profit, then they are likely a thrift store.

How does a consignment shop work?

Typically, when you sell clothes, accessories, furniture, or appliances via consignment, you take your item to the store or send them photos of larger pieces and the consignment shop will decide whether or not to take your item.

How much do consignment shops pay?

Consignment shops pay one of two ways: flat rate upfront or percentage of the sale price of your item if and when it is sold.

How do online consignment stores work?

The concept of online consignment is the same as in-person, but items are mailed in via a special mailer, assessed by the consignment company, and you are offered a fee, or your items are rejected and (maybe) returned. Online consignment typically pays via Paypal, check or bank transfer.

Poshmark is an online consignment shop, similar in many ways to ThredUp and Mercari. Sellers use the platform to list items for sale, which buyers then browse. Poshmark has grown to include channels on clothes, accessories, shoes, jewelry, children’s toys, art, and home goods.

The site reports 100 million items for sale and more than 60 million community members.

Interested in selling on Poshmark? Here’s what you should know:

Is Poshmark legitimate?

Poshmark reviews

How Poshmark works

What fees does Poshmark charge?

What brands sell best on Poshmark?

How to sell on Poshmark

Poshmark alternatives

Is Poshmark legit?

Yes, Poshmark is a legitimate, safe, and reputable website. Launched in 2011, it’s been around for more than 10 years, which means it’s well-established and has policies in place to protect everyone who uses its platform.

Can you get scammed on Poshmark?

Poshmark is an online marketplace or platform designed to connect buyers with sellers — not sell products directly to consumers. This means that even though Poshmark is a legitimate business, there’s ultimately no guarantee that the individual buyers and sellers that use the site won’t try to pull a fast one on you.

With this in mind, Poshmark has created certain protections for both buyers and sellers to make it less likely that anyone gets ripped off.

On the buyer side, if you receive an item from a seller and it isn’t up to your standards—for example, if it’s damaged, the wrong size, or otherwise not as described—you can reject it, return it, and get your money back. Poshmark does not release your funds to the seller until you’ve “accepted” the item.

On the seller side, your shipments are protected so long as you use the prepaid shipping labels that Poshmark provides. 

One common complaint that sellers have, however, lies in the company’s returns policy. Buyers have the right to return an item if they deem it to be “not as described” in the listing. That means that if you as the seller overlook even a small imperfection (for example, a snagged thread) and didn’t include it in the description, the buyer could reject the item and return it for a refund. Poshmark tends to side with the buyer in these cases, so it’s important that you are very detailed and clear in your listings to avoid them.

What to pawn for the most cash

Poshmark reviews

Poshmark reviews on BBB 

Poshmark is not accredited with the Better Business Bureau. That being said, the BBB has given Poshmark a B rating. 

Customers have filed a total of 1,865 complaints with the BBB about Poshmark in the past 3 years. Poshmark has also received 470 customer reviews on the BBB website, with an average score of 1.09 out of 5 stars. Negative reviews include buyers who have had issues with sellers, sellers who have had issues with buyers, and both who misunderstand the way Poshmark works. Poshmark has made an effort to resolve complaints posted on the site or dispute claims it believes are misguided.

Negative reviews for Poshmark on Better Business Bureau website.

Poshmark reviews on Reddit

Many of the reviews that you’ll find of Poshmark on Reddit are rather dated, going back to 2018 or 2019. That being said, the discussion ranges from people raving about Poshmark to those complaining about the platform. There is a nice mix of both positive and negative reviews, which can help you see the pros and cons of selling (or buying) through the platform.

Poshmark review in Reddit thread.
Negative Poshmark review posted on reddit.
Mixed Poshmark review posted on Reddit thread.
I feel like I can never make a sale…
byu/landw497 inposhmark
Is selling on Poshmark worth it if you just want to get rid of personal closet items rather than start a full on side hustle?
by inposhmark

Poshmark reviews on Trustpilot

Poshmark has an average rating of 1.4 stars out of 5 on Trustpilot, based on a total of 2,670 reviews. 82% of the Poshmark reviews on Trustpilot are “Bad,” while only 11% are “Great” or “Excellent.”

Negative Poshmark review on Trustpilot.
Positive Poshmark review on Trustpilot.
One-star Poshmark review on Trustpilot.

How does Poshmark work?

Selling on Poshmark is fairly straightforward:

  • Register for an account on the site
  • Take a photo (or photos) of the item you want to sell
  • Enter a description of the item
  • Set the price

If someone is interested in your item, they’ll buy it from you directly—there’s no auction involved. Poshmark will then send you a prepaid and pre-addressed shipping label, which you will need to affix to your package before sending.

Buying on Poshmark is also relatively simple:

  • Register for a free account
  • Browse or search for available listings
  • Buy items at listing price OR make an offer, which will be accepted or rejected within 24 hours (offers are binding)
  • Checkout using your preferred payment method

If the Poshmark seller doesn’t ship your item within 7 days, you have the option to cancel. Poshmark will cancel any orders that take more than 21 days to ship.

How to get rid of junk: 24+ free and cheap junk removal options

What fees does Poshmark charge?

Listing your item on Poshmark is free. It’s only once you’ve made a sale that Poshmark takes its cut. Poshmark’s fees depend on the value of the sale:

  • If your item sells for less than $15, Poshmark keeps $2.95
  • If your item sells for more than $15, Poshmark keeps 20% of the listing price

What brands sell best on Poshmark?

Because the vast majority of Poshmark’s buyers are women, you’ll probably find that women’s brands and women’s clothing generally sells better than men’s brands. That being said, men do use the platform, and women could always use it to buy for the men in their life. But it’s worth noting!

According to Poshmark’s internal data, users of different ages prefer different brands. For example:

  • Gucci, Adidas, and Brandy Melville perform best among Gen Z Poshmark users 
  • Nike, Madewell, and Anthropologie perform best among Millennial Poshmark users
  • Tory Burch, Kate Spade, and Patagonia perform best among Gen X Poshmark users
  • Coach, Michael Kors, and Eileen Fisher perform best among Baby Boomer Poshmark users

What you use Poshmark for:

Certain items perform better on Poshmark than others. That’s because people have come to expect that Poshmark will carry items that fall in certain categories. The categories below are some of the most popular on the site:

  • Clothing
  • Handbags
  • Accessories
  • Makeup
  • Shoes

What you should not use Poshmark for:

At the same time, buyers don’t typically turn to Poshmark for certain categories of items. While you can list these items on the site, you may find it harder to sell for the price that you’d like:

  • Diamonds
  • Jewelry
  • Watches

Learn more about alternative ways to sell your diamonds, jewelry, watches and gold, including branded pieces like David Yurman.

Our No. 1 recommendation for selling gold, silver, diamonds and other fine jewelry or metals is CashforGoldUSA,, which has an A+ Better Business Bureau rating, 24-hour payment and free door-to-door trackable FedEx shipping insured up to $150,000.

Read our CashforGoldUSA review to learn more.

How to sell on Poshmark

Selling on Poshmark is pretty straightforward. All you need to do is:

  1. Create an account
  2. Click “Sell on Poshmark” to get started
  3. Enter a title for your listing, including keywords that buyers are likely to search for
  4. Enter a description for your item. Be as detailed as possible.
  5. Upload photos and/or video of your item. If the item has any damage or imperfections, be sure to show those and document them here to reduce the likelihood of a return later on.
  6. Categorize the item.
  7. Enter the quantity, whether you are selling one or multiple pieces.
  8. Enter the size.
  9. Note the brand, color, and whether or not the item is new with tags still attached.
  10. Enter the original price, and your asking price.
  11. And you’re done!

Is selling on Poshmark worth it?

Because of its high fees — especially on sales under $15 — and low ratings on review sites, you’re probably better off selling your items locally through a consignment or thrift store. A $2.95 fee on a $10 sale, for example, means you’re forfeiting nearly 30% of your sale. And the 20% fee on sales above $15 is also high compared to sites like Mercari, which charges just 10%.

That being said, in exchange for the fee, Poshmark handles the financial transaction, provides shipping, and acts as a customer support team for your sale. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether this is worth the price. 

If reviews from others were any indication, you might want to think twice. Poshmark has a score of 1.5 out of 5 stars from both SiteJabber and Trustpilot, and has a B rating through the Better Business Bureau.

What are the benefits of selling on Poshmark?

Many sellers on Reddit say they enjoy using the platform and the extra money they make on items they would have otherwise donated or thrown away. Users like its community feel and that they can share and promote their items to get more sales. These are some other benefits:

  • Poshmark prohibits price gouging 
  • You can trade items with other sellers
  • The selling process is fairly streamlined
  • You will probably make more than if you sold at a brick-and-mortar consignment store (because you’re selling direct) 
  • Poshmark supports its sellers and will require photo verification from buyers who report an issue with their order

One seller said she’s made about $400 on 35 items since June 2020 and offered this advice to other sellers: 

“Just remember to “share” your items often so they stay at the top of the listings. If you have a small closet, this will go pretty fast. But I do believe the more items you have listed, the more chance you have of selling something. You can search similar items by what’s sold in the past and for how much, so you have an idea on where to list (I usually list above the sold prices) and then you can lower as you need to.”

Another Poshmark seller noted that she uses professional cover photos of her items (usually pulled from where the item was originally sold) and includes a lot of personal photos of her items to show buyers she’s legit:

“Exterior, interior, tags, and every single little imperfection you can find. Measurements are good to get too, but not always necessary–just make sure you have the item accessible in case a potential buyer asks for them. Another helpful tip is to find the name the original item was sold under, and try to match the listing title to the original retailer’s. For example, if I’m selling a cotton flannel shirt that Madewell sold as the “Felicia” shirt in the color “blue tide”, my title would read “Madewell Felicial cotton flannel shirt in Blue Tide”. Essentially, follow the formula of “[Brand] [Product Name] [Fabric] [Product Type] in [Product Color].”

33 things to sell to make money from the stuff around your house

What are the negatives of selling on Poshmark?

Many Poshmark reviews from sellers complain about delays during the item verification process. This can lead to delayed payments since Poshmark won’t pay you for your items until they’ve made it to the buyer’s door. That means buyers often blame sellers for delayed items and try to cancel. These are some other negatives of selling on Poshmark: 

  • Temptation to buy items while you’re on the site
  • Long preparation process to photograph items and upload info
  • Items may take a long time to sell if you don’t have a big following

Poshmark’s Heart & Hustle Community Fund

Poshmark recently established a $500,000 annual community fund to support its top sellers in their business ventures. Each quarter of the year, 12 sellers who have sold 125 listings in the qualifying 3-month period will receive $5,000 grants. Poshmark is also giving out $500 grants to 130 sellers who sold 10 listings.

Poshmark vs. ThredUp

Trying to decide which platform to use? Here is what users say about Poshmark vs Thredup on Reddit:

Poshmark vs. Mercari

Mercari is a similar community where members buy and sell used goods. Read our Mercari review and see what Reddit says:

Poshmark vs. eBay

Here is what buyers and sellers say about selling on Poshmark vs eBay:

21 apps for selling stuff online or “near me”

What is Poshmark like for the buyer?

Numerous Poshmark reviews from buyers mention delivery issues and difficulty receiving refunds. One user on Trustpilot said she wanted to cancel her items after 10 days with no processing or shipping activity but wasn’t given the option and hasn’t been able to reach customer service for a refund:

“Why is this not advised to clients BEFORE you take their money? Knowing you don’t give an option to Cancel? I have yet to see merchandise and still no option to return my funds… 4 emails and messages from reps that it’s available to me.. FALSE! I will continue to write until I have to get legal help to get my money back!!”

Several buyers note that items pictured often don’t resemble items delivered:

“I requested for a return due to the item I recently purchased that did not match the description on the listed sizing, but poshmark sided with the seller. It is so sad because I purchased a lot of items from this website, I do all my shopping in this site 95% of the time. Poshmark does not care about the buyer, they only care about their profit. This website has no heart. Do not use this platform.”

To save yourself from an unpleasant experience buying on Poshmark, make sure you read the “Love Notes” section of any seller you’re thinking about buying from. Look for reviews that seem legit (and preferably sellers that have a lot of them).

Looking for ways to earn more money: Read our list of highest-paid careers without a degree.

Is Poshmark a legit site?

Yes, Poshmark is a legitimate, safe, and reputable website. Launched in 2011, it’s been around for more than 10 years, which means it’s well-established and has policies in place to protect everyone who uses its platform.

Can you get scammed on Poshmark?

Even though Poshmark is a legitimate business, there’s ultimately no guarantee that the individual buyers and sellers that use the site won’t try to pull a fast one on you. With this in mind, Poshmark has created certain protections for both buyers and sellers to make it less likely that anyone gets ripped off. On the seller side, your shipments are protected so long as you use the prepaid shipping labels that Poshmark provides.

What brands sell best on Poshmark?

Because the vast majority of Poshmark’s buyers are women, you’ll probably find that women’s brands and women’s clothing generally sells better than men’s brands.

How does Poshmark work?

Selling on Poshmark is fairly straightforward: 1. Register for an account on the site. 2. Take a photo (or photos) of the item you want to sell. 3. Enter a description and price.

Worried your spouse or partner is cheating?

“Go with your instincts,” says Ken Childs, founder of Paramount Investigative Services, a Beverly Hills, Calif. private investigative service, who has appeared in Access Hollywood, The Dr. Phil Show, The Dr. Oz Show, and Buzzfeed. “If you think someone is cheating, they probably are.”

And cheating is common. A report by the Institute for Family Studies found that 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married — though younger women under the age of 30 are more likely than men to cheat.

Other interesting trends in the report emerged: Democrats are more likely to cheat than Republicans or Independents, and by race, the likelihood of cheating is lead by Blacks, followed by whites then Hispanics:

catch a cheat.

This post will help you understand whether your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or partner is likely cheating, what to do about it, how to catch a cheat, plus how to work with a private investigator to catch an unfaithful husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.

Signs of cheating

How to catch a cheater

  1. Trust your instincts
  2. Note changed behavior
  3. An affair doesn’t have to end the relationship

Best apps to catch a cheater

Hiring a private investigator for cheating

What to do if you catch a cheater

Can cheaters change? Can a marriage survive a cheating spouse?

Plus, what you need to know about hiring a private investigator.

Are you worried the guy you are dating is cheating, married or want to check him out before you meet up IRL? You can always do a paid background check or use one of these other free or inexpensive ways to find people online.

Is he cheating or am I paranoid? 6 signs of a cheating husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend

First off: trust your instincts, says Childs whose Los Angeles PI practice frequently deals with requests to catch cheaters. “90% of the time, people’s suspicions are substantiated, the rest of the time, the client is cheating but projecting on their partner,” he says.

Childs shares these common signs your significant other is fooling around:

  • Texting with their shoulder turned — then suddenly putting down phone once you walk in the room. Same for using the computer or talking on the phone. “Listen to your instincts,” Childs says.
  • You find a second, secret phone.
  • Changing passcode to a shared account without a good reason — or a shady excuse.
  • Missed periods of time. For example, you expected them to be gone at the gym for an hour, but three hours passed.
  • A spare change of clothes mysteriously stored in the car.
  • Suspicious charges on the credit card, or unaccounted for sums of cash spent.

Adds Beth Ribarsky, a communications professor at the University of Illinois Springfield: “It’s important to remember that affairs aren’t just the typical physical infidelity that we think of. Emotional affairs involve turning to another partner and sharing thoughts, feelings, and emotional intimacy that would typically be reserved for a spouse/romantic partner. Some emotional affairs remain just that. And, some physical affairs are just sexual in nature. However, it is not unusual for affairs to be both emotional and physical.”

Other signs of an affair, according to Ribarsky:

  • If they once frequently kissed you goodbye or said, ‘I love you,’ but they no longer do, they are making themselves increasingly distant from you.
  • They begin spending more time away from home. And, if you ask where they were or where they are going, they are vague.
  • They become increasingly secretive, especially when it comes to technology. Yes, it’s great if they are planning a surprise for you (Yes, I have a friend who thought her boyfriend was cheating, but he was really planning a surprise party). However, if your partner continually hides their phone, takes calls in the other room, quickly shuts the computer when you enter the room or becomes defensive when you ask to borrow their phone, it should make you question what they might be hiding.
  • Are they suddenly putting significantly more emphasis into their appearance? Again, maybe they are just taking on a healthier lifestyle, but when combined with other signs, it can be a signal something is wrong.

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How to catch a cheater

Keep reading about how to:

  • How to catch a cheating wife or girlfriend
  • How to catch a cheating husband or boyfriend

You may work with a private investigator, or use some of the tactics used by professional PIs to catch a cheat.

Beverly Hills private investigator Ken Childs shares his secrets and tips to catching a cheat:

Childs offers this advice:

1. Trust your instincts

As with other dating red flags: trust your gut. If you sense your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife is cheating — they likely are. Don’t ignore your feelings.

2. Note changed behavior

Aside from your gut, actual changed behavior, secretive actions and weird new habits are very good signs of infidelity.

3. An affair doesn’t have to end the relationship

People do cheat, but that doesn’t mean that the marriage or relationship has to end. Many long-term, successful partnerships overcame cheating (though typically not chronic infidelity). There are other relationship red flags that can be more damaging.

7 apps to catch a cheating spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend

Childs said that if you do not have the password to your spouse’s computer or phone, there is no way he or you or anyone else can hack into their device and read text messages or search histories. “Apple offers a $100,000 reward to anyone who can hack their phones,” he points out.

These are similar products on the market that have been promoted as helping to catch a cheat, but all require you have access to the device:

  • Minspy
  • mSpy
  • Recoverit
  • Spyic
  • Spyier
  • Spyine
  • WebWatcher

If you are dating someone new and suspect that they may sill be married or live with a partner, Instant Checkmate offers affordable and reputable online people search and reverse phone lookup tools.

Also, you can always check out these common cheating apps to see if your partner is on there looking to mess around.

TruthFinder reviews: Is it worth paying for?

What is the best free app to catch a cheater? 

Recoverit has a free trial.

WebWatcher app has a one-week free trial.

All Apple devices come with a free Find My Phone feature. iOS users can also use for free the Find My Friends app. Google Pixel users have access to the free Google Personal Safety, and everyone with a cell phone can use Google Maps to track anyone who has shared their location with them at least once.

How can I catch a cheater for free?

If your boyfriend or girlfriend has an Apple product, and they delete their texts, you may be able to find iMessages on their Macbook.

Childs also recommends WonderShare’s Recoverit app that can find deleted messages — as long as you have access to your spouse’s computer, phone or tablet.

Also, if you share or have a linked account for an app like Fitbit, Uber, Lyft and see suspicious activity via that technology, that can be useful in catching someone having an affair.

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Private investigator for cheating

If you suspect that your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating, but they have denied your accusations or skirted you questions, hiring a private investigator can be an excellent way of getting an answer. In addition to offering you the peace of mind that comes with having an answer, evidence uncovered by a PI can be used during divorce proceedings, alimony hearings, and even child custody cases.

How do private investigators catch cheaters?

The tactics that a private investigator use to catch a cheating spouse vary from case to case, but often involve a combination of the following:

  • A private investigator may follow your spouse for a few hours over the course of a week or month. The goal with this surveillance is to usually to either catch them in the act or to catch them in a lie (i.e., they tell you they were going one place but the PI finds them in another).
  • Private investigators can document your spouse’s activity in a journal. They’ll also use cameras with high-powered lenses to capture photo and video evidence.

Sometimes, evidence will be cut-and-dry. A photo of your spouse kissing another woman, for example, or walking into a hotel with another man clearly indicate infidelity. Other times, evidence will be circumstantial.

It’s important to note that private investigators can’t break the law in their attempts to catch your spouse cheating. This means that they can’t place tracking devices on your spouse’s car, hack into their phone, email accounts, or social media accounts, or obtain other private information such as cell phone records. Likewise, while a PI will likely follow your spouse, they must walk a fine line between surveillance and stalking.

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How much does a private investigator cost?

Expect to pay a private investigator $60 to $200 per hour, and a typical case takes a couple of afternoons of following. “It’s not as expensive as you think,” Childs says.

Listen to the Like a Mother with Emma Johnson podcast interview with Ken Childs:

Can private investigators read text messages?

Since it is nearly technically and legally impossible to break into someone’s phone, private investigators typically do not hack devices or otherwise use technology to catch a cheat.

Can a private investigator obtain cell phone records?

Just like any other private citizen, private investigators cannot legally obtain phone, financial, or medical records without the person’s consent or a subpoena.

PIs do not have any more legal rights to follow, tape, video record, access private records or accounts or otherwise stalk an individual than the average citizen.

It is 100% legal to hire a private investigator.

Is it worth it to hire a private investigator?

Private investigators very often are hired by spouses who suspect their partner is cheating. Tactics are less stealth than many people suspect, Childs says, and typically include following the person in question for a few hours each day over a few days, using video cameras with high-powered lenses, and documenting any behaviors that can prove or confirm cheating.

Do you feel guilty for divorcing a nice guy?

How to hire a private investigator

First, do your homework and abide by this checklist:

  • Make sure the private investigator is licensed and insured
  • Check their Yelp and Google reviews
  • Ask how many years experience they have — keep in mind this is not a regulated industry
  • Ask for a reference (ideally, get referred by a friend or attorney)
  • Ask that the private investigator send you a scrubbed report to get a sense of their work and professionalism
  • Call the PI and get a sense of if you trust them and have good chemistry.
  • Avoid anyone who is wearing a cheesy fedora in their profile pic. “You don’t want some wannabe cop or tough guy,” Childs says.

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What should you do if you catch your spouse cheating

Typically, people hit the Internet with questions like these when they learn about infidelity or an unfaithful partner, for advice for how to confront and deal with a cheating spouse or partner”

  • “My boyfriend is cheating.”
  • “My girlfriend is cheating.”
  • “My husband is cheating.”
  • “My wife is cheating.”

If and when you do catch an unfaithful partner, the key is to stay calm, wait a few days, then confront your spouse or girlfriend calmly.

“Don’t make any knee-jerk reactions and blow it up just because someone slept with someone else,” Childs advises. “You have to think about the rest of your life.”

Differences between the genders when it comes to infidelity?

“Men never cheat up, and women cheat with the complete opposite type of guy” as her husband, Childs has observed. Also, when it comes to facing the infidelity, “men get really worked up, and I think women can handle it a little better,” Childs says.

How to decide whether to get divorced

How to get over your divorce when your husband or wife cheated

However, you could take steps to protect yourself whether you end up getting a legal separation or divorce:

  • Download a divorce checklist
  • Save money in your own bank account
  • Watch your credit, maybe sign up for identity theft protection and change your passwords
  • Get appraisals for jewelry and anything else of value
  • Lawyer up, or at least get a lawyer’s advice

What everyone should ask for in divorce

Can cheaters change? Can a marriage survive a cheating spouse? 

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and Certified Relationship Therapist, is co-founder of TheMarriageRestorationProject.com, a Baltimore, Md., based effort to restore marriages.

Slatkin said there are two parts of confronting the cheater: Addressing the (possible) infidelity and moving forward after.

Slatkin says:

“If you don’t have any evidence, confronting your spouse may provoke a defensive response and no admission, so it may not yield any results. I don’t recommend spying on your spouse, at the same time you have a right to know if they are cheating on you. Phone records or emails are an easy way to find out if there are any unusual communications going on.

If you do have evidence, make a time to sit down and talk with them and, as calm as possible, present them with the findings. Depending on whether you are interested in staying together after the affair, you will want to insist on finding a good therapist to help you through this.

You are no doubt confused, hurt, betrayed and angry. Realize that this
process of getting over the affair will take time. Try to remain as calm as possible.

It makes sense that you would want to lash out at your spouse and hurt them back and that is not going to be in your best interest in the long run. You will want to find a calm way to discuss what happened with your spouse eventually.”

Childs estimates that about half of his clients who cheated stay in the marriage, and the other half divorce. “About 50% have a super-intense moment with a big blowup, but several clients come back and told me how through therapy and revealing what got them there, they were able to make the marriage work.

Read Esther Perel’s bestselling The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.

Learn more about affordable online therapy options. Or, connect with a certified mental health professional through BetterHelp.com. Read our review.

Is he cheating or am I paranoid?

First off: trust your instincts, says Ken Childs whose Los Angeles PI practice frequently deals with requests to catch cheaters.

What is the best app to catch a cheater?

Childs said that if you do not have the password to your spouse’s computer or phone, there is no way he or you or anyone else can hack into their device and read text messages or search histories.

What should you do if you catch your spouse cheating?

If and when you do catch an unfaithful partner, the key is to stay calm, wait a few days, then confront your spouse or girlfriend calmly.

Can a marriage survive a cheating spouse?

Ken Childs estimates that about half of his clients who cheated stay in the marriage, and the other half divorce.

How much does it cost to hire a private investigator?

Expect to pay a private investigator $60 to 200 per hour, and a typical case takes a couple of afternoons of following.

Can private investigators read text messages?

Since it is nearly impossible to break into someone’s phone, private investigators typically do not hack devices or otherwise use technology to catch a cheat.

Can a private investigator obtain cell phone records?

Just like any other private citizen, private investigators cannot legally obtain phone, financial, or medical records without the person’s consent or a subpoena.

A doula is someone who provides emotional and physical comfort and support to parents during—and after—pregnancy and childbirth. 

Researchers at the University of Toronto found that women who have continuous support during labor are more likely to be happy with their overall birth experience. Babies and happy parents — what could be a more meaningful career?!

As a doula, you can help moms have less-stressful labor and save money, but you also get to run your own business. That means you can have control over how much you work, and when.

A 2022 Future Market Insights analysis of the doula industry showed a 6.2% expansion in the market share for doulas and birth coaching businesses. The market for these services is expected to reach $24.6 million by 2032 (it was nearly $13.5 million in 2022). Many of these birth professionals earn $100,000 or more.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics Occupational Outlook Handbook (BLS OOH), nurse midwives (a parallel profession) are also in high demand, with a projected job outlook growth of 40% through 2031. For perspective, the BLS OOH reports that the average rate of job growth is 5%.

The need for doulas is predicted to rise as states explore programs that would increase access to doula care. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation (ASPE) published a brief in December 2022 that mentioned federal support to expand the perinatal workforce, which includes doulas and nurse midwives.

According to the most recent nationwide data published in the 2013 Listening to Mothers survey, 6% of birthing individuals received supportive care from a doula during labor.  

Work as a doula can be rewarding work with a high income and strong career growth, making it a career that you may want to explore.

Interested in becoming a doula? Here is what you should know before becoming a doula:

How to become a birth doula

Labor and birth doula training and education

Postpartum doula training

What does a postpartum doula do? 

How to become a postpartum doula

Frequently asked questions about becoming a doula

How to get doula clients 

Bottom line: Is becoming a doula worth it?

How to become a certified birth doula

  1. The first step to becoming a certified doula is determining which program is right for you. There are in-person programs, online programs, and hybrid programs that combine the two. 
  2. During the certification process, you’ll learn all about childbirth and breastfeeding, as well as techniques for supporting and comforting clients during labor. 
  3. You’ll also learn the basics of starting your own doula business. 
  4. Attend births in-person, regardless of which program type you choose, to satisfy certification requirements.
  5. Receive an evaluation from your clients and a healthcare provider about their experience with you. 

Birth doula training and education

Birth doulas are non-clinical professionals. Unlike obstetricians and midwives, you don’t need a medical degree or state license to practice. In fact, there is currently little oversight over the profession in the United States—because of that, there aren’t any universally-accepted credentials required to become a doula. 

According to the National Health Law Program:

  • 11 states are currently reimbursing doula services through Medicaid
  • five states are in the midst of implementing reimbursement
  • 14 states addressed Medicaid doula benefits in a different way (such as a pilot program or doula registry)
  • 10 states proposed action (such as introducing a bill) but have not made progress
  • No data was found for 13 states

 These bills also aim to help establish training and certification requirements in those states. 

In Oregon, for example, you must complete an approved training program to become a state-certified doula. However, you can still operate as a doula even if you’re not state-certified. 

While you don’t need a certification to become a doula, getting certified through a credible organization can help you gain valuable skills, increase your marketability, and help you earn more money.

Program Length

The time it takes to become a doula can vary depending on the certification or organization. Usually, you’ll spend 10 to 48 hours attending a course or workshop in-person or online. On top of that, you’ll have to satisfy other certification requirements including reading books, writing papers, and taking quizzes. And, you’ll have to attend three births for a minimum of 15 hours total. 

Most programs can be completed in three to six months, though some can be taken in just a few weeks.

Many organizations give you up to a year to finish the program, while others have no time limit for completion. 

Re-certification

Most doula certifications are valid for three years. Once that time is up, you must apply for recertification. 

Recertification usually involves obtaining continuing education credits. This can range anywhere from 15-30 hours. Examples of continuing education include: attending in-person workshops and reading a book or research articles pertaining to childbirth or parenting and writing a 500-word paper about it. 

You may also be asked to pay a recertification fee as part of this process. The recertification fee varies by organization, but you can generally expect to pay anywhere from $80 to $250. 

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Certifying organizations

 Per the Maternal Health Task Force out of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, there are more than 80 organizations and programs in the U.S. that train and certify doulas. Each organization has its own curriculum and guidelines for what makes a certified doula. 

Some of the most widely-recognized organizations offering doula training and certification include:

Here’s a quick comparison of these programs:

DONACAPPACBIICEA
Online classesYesYesYesYes
In-person classesYesYesNoYes
Certification exam costNo exam feesNo exam feesNo exam fees$390 initial exam, $230 for recertification
Enrollment/training feesStarts at $68 for a one-year membership, certification packets start at $45 for members and $55 for non-members, $110 certification packet submission feeStarts at $775$785 (birth doula)
$755 (postpartum doula)
$230 and $450-$650 (in-person training)

$750 (online training)
Birth doula trainingYesYesYesYes
Postpartum doula trainingYesYesYesYes
Financial aidSpirit Fund fee waiver for low-income applicantsPerez Scholarship FundCBI scholarship programICEA scholarship program
Labor experience requirementsProof of three labor support experiencesProof of observing two labors or births for a total of 10 hoursProof of support for two clients for a total of 20 hoursProof of three, six-hour labor support experiences
Childbirth education requirementsAudit a childbirth education class/lactation classComplete CAPPA childbirth education courseNot requiredObserve one childbirth education series (unless you are a certified childbirth educator)
How long certification lastsThree yearsThree yearsLifetimeThree years
Free online resourcesYesYesYesYes

These certifications are not recognized by state or federal governments, but there are benefits to getting certified by one of these organizations. 

  • You’ll receive hands-on training during the process, which can help you feel prepared and confident as you launch your own doula business. 
  • Doula certification can also make you more desirable to prospective clients, as it shows you have a solid educational foundation and understanding of the job. 
  • You may even earn 10%-20% more money if you are certified by one of these organizations. 

If you decide to sign up for certification through an organization, here’s what you need to know.

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Postpartum doula training

Doulas aren’t just there to help guide moms through labor and delivery. Another type of doula is a postpartum doula, who is there to help women through postpartum recovery. 

What does a postpartum doula do? 

A postpartum doula offers a woman and her family physical and emotional support after she gives birth. 

Postpartum doula services include helping families navigate newborn care, caring for an older child while parents tend to the baby, and preparing healthy meals for families. 

Postpartum doulas can’t provide medical care, but they can share resources and help clients find a healthcare provider if needed. 

How to become a postpartum doula

Like birth doulas, you don’t need a degree or state license to become a postpartum doula. That said, there are many organizations that offer postpartum doula certification if you choose to go that route. 

  1. Complete postpartum doula certification in person, online, or a mix of both.
  2. Learn about lactation, nutrition and exercise during the postpartum period, infant health problems, and changes that a woman may experience physically and mentally during the postpartum period.
  3. Complete any required reading or in-person training during the certification.

Complete hands-on training. You’ll likely have to work with three families, spending at least 15 hours on in-person support total, to satisfy the certification requirements. 

Postpartum doula certification

The in-person or online workshop will take place over two or three full days. Expect to spend at least 16 hours on that portion of the certification. You can also expect to read at least seven books. 

You’ll also get to work on hands-on skills needed to be a successful postpartum doula, including newborn care, caring for multiple babies and babies with special needs, breastfeeding support, and first aid measures. Re-certification

Some organizations require recertification after three years. Recertification may include 18 to 24 hours of continuing education as well as paying a fee of up to $250, depending on the organization.

Becoming a certified postpartum doula can teach you how to set up and run your own business, give prospective clients more confidence to hire you, and allow you to charge more money for your services. 

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Frequently asked questions about becoming a doula

Here, get answers to your most pressing questions to figure out if this is the right career path for you. 

How much does it cost to become a certified doula? 

It can cost you $1,000 or more to become a certified doula, depending on the program you choose.

  • Tuition for DONA International’s certification programs, for example, range from $100-$1,100. 
  • Carriage House Birth’s certification program costs $900 for tuition.
  • International Doula Institute’s certification program costs $790 for tuition.

How long does it take to become a trained doula?

Most doulas are able to get certified within three to six months of starting the program, regardless of the type of doula that they become.

Many doula certification programs allow you to go at your own pace, so you can complete your training and certification when you have time, which can be great if you have family or other responsibilities.

Some doula certification programs give you a full year to complete your work, and others have no time limit on when you have to finish.

Expect to spend 16-24 hours taking an in-person or online workshop and at least 15 hours supporting parents during labor to satisfy certification requirements. You’ll also typically have to read at least seven books, complete written assignments, and take quizzes to satisfy certification requirements. 

What qualifications do I need to become a doula? Do you need a degree?

You don’t need a degree or state license to practice as a doula, but many doulas decide to become certified through an organization like DONA International, CAPPA, or ICEA.

Certification has many benefits including preparing you for the job, making you more desirable to prospective clients, and earning you 10%-20% more money. 

While there are no specific qualifications, a career as a doula may be good if you are passionate about birth, babies, and supporting women and families during and after labor. Those who have experience in related fields, such as daycare workers, nannies, or home health aids, may find the transition to doula work easy.

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Which doula certification is the best?

Doulas of North America (DONA) International or the International Doula Institute (IDI) are two of the most widely recognized doula certification programs. 

We put together a list of the best online doula certification programs.

What are the services a doula can provide?

According to the Mayo Clinic, a birth doula can provide many services and benefits:

  • Provide ongoing support before, during, and after labor and delivery
  • Explain the birth process, including any procedures that may occur
  • Act as a communicator between the parents and hospital staff
  • Educate parents about birth options and teach them ways to be more comfortable during labor, like breathing and massage techniques

WebMD lists the following services a postpartum doula can provide:

  • Education, support and assistance with breastfeeding
  • Share strategies for taking care of a newborn, such as how to soothe, feed, change and properly lay the baby down for a nap 
  • Help with post-birth comfort and ensure the mother is adjusting to motherhood and healing from childbirth
  • Provide child care so parents can rest or run errands

How much does a doula make?

How much money you’ll make as a doula depends on where you live, how much you decide to work, and what sort of certification you have. Doulas who are certified by a reputable organization, like DONA International, can charge 10%-20% more than doulas who aren’t. 

According to career site Indeed, in large cities like New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, doulas usually charge between $1,600 to $2,000 per birth. If you’re able to attend four births a month that could earn you up to, you could make up to $8,000 per month—or up to $96,000 per year. 

In mid-size cities, like Cincinnati, Atlanta, and Austin, doulas usually charge $900 to $1,400 per birth. This can net you up to $5,600 per month if you assist in four births or up to $67,200 per year.

In smaller cities, expect to make anywhere from $600 to $1,200 per birth. This means you can make up to $4,800 per month for four births or up to $57,600 per year. 

In the case of postpartum doulas, most charge by the hour. Average salaries range from $20 to $50 per hour, depending on your location and the services you offer. If you work 40 hours a week as a postpartum doula, you could make up to $2,000 a week, which would work out to more than $90,000 annually.

What does a doula’s schedule look like?

As a doula, your schedule will vary depending on the role you take. According to the American Pregnancy Association:

  • A birth doula may schedule time (maybe an hour or more) to talk with a mom-to-be about what to expect during labor
  • An antepartum doula may block out time to offer emotional support for a mom who is on bedrest because of a high-risk pregnancy
  • A postpartum doula may offer to watch the baby while the mom takes a nap or help with the breastfeeding process

Your day will begin based on the needs of the client, so it may start in the morning, afternoon, or evening. If you are planning to work as a part-time doula, there is flexibility to take on clients while still respecting the needs of your own family and job.

You have the choice of seeing one or multiple clients in a day, and you can also choose to offer video chats to provide support when you can’t be there in person but want to answer client questions.

Darcy Sauers, owner of The Doula Darcy, is a doula business coach, certified postpartum doula, and certified lactation counselor.

“I truly view my work and time with a new family as sacred,” Sauers says.

As a postpartum doula, she says she tends to work in four to five-hour shifts. According to Sauers, a typical shift can include:

  • Discussion with the new mom to answer questions and find out how the night went
  • Preparing a beverage, meal, or snack while mom cuddles with the baby
  • Asking the mom what she needs the most that day
  • Assisting with breastfeeding by assessing the baby’s latch or addressing concerns
  • Performing light household chores such as laundry or washing dishes
  • Watch the baby and older sibling so mom can take a nap or bathe
  • Provide non-judgmental support and offer gentle tips and suggestions

YouTuber Carly Watson shares her thoughts on her schedule as a doula:

Check out this reddit thread that gives insight into what schedule you can expect as a doula:

Is there such thing of a normal doula schedule?
byu/kyrsten07 indoulas

How to get doula clients 

There are a variety of ways to get your first doula client:

  • Set up a website advertising your services. Make sure the website is easy to navigate and optimized for search results so potential clients in your area can find you. 
  • Join local pregnancy and parenting groups on social media to find prospective clients. 
  • Go to community events where potential clients could be in attendance. Have business cards ready to hand out in case you meet someone who’s interested in your services.
  • Network with pediatricians, midwives, obstetricians, breastfeeding consultants and others in the birthing industry who can refer you and your services.  
  • Ask to be a guest speaker at a birth class, or volunteer at a birth class, so you can introduce yourself to expecting parents.

Bottom line: Is becoming a doula worth it?

Becoming a trained doula can definitely be worth it for many people. The work is certainly meaningful—research shows women who have the support of a doula have more positive birth experiences and pay less for medical expenses, and being part of such a meaningful moment in a family’s life can be rewarding for many doulas.

Plus, as a doula, you get to run your own business and have flexibility over how much you work. Depending on your location and credentials, you can earn anywhere from $500 to $2,500 per birth.

But while being a doula can be rewarding—and you can make good money doing it—it’s hard work. Because labor is often unpredictable, expect to put in long hours from time to time. 

The bottom line: If you’re someone who thrives at comforting, nurturing, and supporting others—and you don’t mind the occasional long hours—then becoming a doula could be a worthwhile career move. 

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What is a doula?

A doula is someone who provides emotional and physical comfort and support to parents during and after pregnancy and childbirth.

Are doulas in high demand?

According to the most recent nationwide data published in the 2013 Listening to Mothers survey, 6% of birthing individuals received supportive care from a doula during labor. However, that figure is predicted to rise as states explore programs that would increase access to doula care.

Is it difficult to become a doula?

Most programs can be completed in three to six months, though some can be taken in just a few weeks. Some certifications require you to attend several live births. While you don’t need a certification to become a doula, getting certified through a credible organization can help you gain valuable skills, increase your marketability, and help you earn more money.

What does a postpartum doula do?

A postpartum doula offers a woman and her family physical and emotional support after she gives birth.

How much does it cost to become a certified doula?

It can cost you $1,000 or more to become a certified doula, depending on the program you choose. Tuition for DONA International’s certification programs, for example, range from $100-$1,100.

How long does it take to become a trained doula?

Many doula certification programs allow you to go at your own pace, so you can complete your training and certification when you have time. Some doula certification programs give you a full year to complete your work, and others have no time limit on when you have to finish. Most doulas are able to get certified within three to six months of starting the program.

What qualifications do I need to become a doula?

You don’t need a degree or state license to practice as a doula, but many doulas decide to become certified through an organization like DONA International, CAPPA, or ICEA. Certification has many benefits including preparing you for the job, making you more desirable to prospective clients, and earning you 10%-20% more money.

Which doula certification is the best?

Doulas of North America (DONA) International or the International Doula Institute (IDI) are two of the most widely recognized doula certification programs.

What are the services a doula can provide?

A doula can provide many non-clinical, non-medical services to moms and families. Birth doulas are able to educate parents about birth options and teach them ways to be more comfortable during labor, like breathing and massage techniques.

How much does a doula make?

According to career site Indeed, in large cities like New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, doulas usually charge between $1,600 to -$2,000 per birth. If you’re able to attend four births a month that could earn you up to, you could make up to $8,000 per month—or up to $96,000 per year.

Is becoming a doula worth it?

Becoming a trained doula can definitely be worth it for many people. The work is certainly meaningful—research shows women who have the support of a doula have more positive birth experiences and pay less for medical expenses, and being part of such a meaningful moment in a family’s life can be rewarding for many doulas.

The more parenting time equality single moms share with their kids’ dads, the higher their income.

This was the biggest finding of Single Mom Income and Time-Sharing Survey, which polled 2,270 single mothers about their employment, income, time-sharing and related feelings.

The survey sought to understand the connection between single moms’ parenting schedules and the women’s income, attitudes about work, parenting and wellbeing.

“Emma Johnson is focusing on an important and almost completely overlooked piece of the complex gender equality puzzle. She is absolutely right to point out that while social norms around equal parenting may be slow to change, reforming laws and practices governing divorced couples could make a big and beneficial difference for single mothers and fathers relatively quickly.”

Anne-Marie Slaughter, CEO of New America

Problem:

Mothers overall suffer a pay gap of 29%, earning an average of 71 cents for every $1 earned by a dad — or an average of $16,000 less per year, according to the National Women’s Law Center. 

This motherhood penalty is dramatically worse for single mothers at 35%. According to Pew Research, single moms with a household of three earn just $26,000 per year on average, compared with $40,000 per year for single dads.

Gender income inequity is being exasperated today as recent job loss is worse for women overall, mothers especially as they struggle to manage work and child care, and single moms most of all, as the majority of unpartnered mothers have the vast majority of child responsibilities compared with fathers.

Through this blog and related platforms, I have interacted with hundreds of thousands of single mothers over the past decade. Anecdotally, it was evident to me that moms who have more equality in their parenting schedules have an easier time building their careers and income than those who have majority responsibility for their children. Meanwhile, many moms who have their kids in their physical care the majority or 100% of the time believe they could grow financially with more parenting equality.

This makes intuitive sense, as studies of married mothers find a correlation between equality at home and their professional success. Yet I could not find any data on single moms, parental time-sharing and income.

So, I set out to collect the data myself. The Single Mom Income and Parenting-Time Survey polled 2,279 U.S. single moms.

The big takeaway: More equality in time-sharing means higher earning for single moms

See the full results:

Learn more in 11 surprising facts about equal shared parenting

Single-mom survey highlights

More equality in time-sharing single mothers have with their children’s father correlates with higher income and more reports of feeling proud of their parenting.

A few survey highlights include:

  • Moms with a 50/50 parenting schedule are 54% more likely to earn at least $100,000 annually than moms whose kids are with them most of the time (with “visits” with the dad). 
  • Moms with a 50/50 parenting schedule are more than three times (325%) more likely to earn $100,000 than single moms with 100% time with their kids.
  • Moms with 50/50 parenting schedules are more than twice as likely to earn $65,000+ than those with majority time, and nearly three-times as likely to earn that sum than moms with 100% parenting time.  
  • 13%, or 1 in 8, single moms have a 50/50 arrangement — and 98% of them are content with it.
  • 51% of single moms surveyed have their children 100% of the time.
  • Equally shared parenting is popular with single moms: The majority of single moms, 53%, either already enjoy a 50/50 schedule or wish they had it. 
  • 9 in 10 single moms say they could earn more money if they had more equality in their parenting time
  • Moms with 50/50 parenting time are 34% more likely (23% vs. 15%) to say they feel “awesome and proud” of being a mom compared with moms who care for their kids 100% of the time.
  • About 70% of moms who have their kids 100% or majority time feel parenting gets in the way of self-care, vs just 50% of moms with 50/50 schedules.

Impact of positive messages about 50/50 co-parenting and single moms

A handful of the emails and messages I’ve received in recent years from moms who were once skeptical about 50/50 time-sharing, but implemented it in their family and had good results — and changed attitudes:

About single moms in the United States:

There are 20 million single-parent led households with children in the United States, 16 million of whom are single mothers. More and more younger women are having children outside of “traditional” families, with 64% of millennial moms having at least one child outside of marriage (Johns Hopkins). 

Single mom statistics

While the vast majority of children of separated and divorced families spend most or all of their time with their mothers, there is a growing shift towards more equally shared parenting. Our culture is slowly but surely moving towards more egalitarian custody arrangements, while courts and policy are also making incremental, positive changes fueled by a growing body of research that finds that a 50/50 schedule benefits children.

Equally shared parenting research— is it really best for kids?

In fact, a review of 60 peer-reviewed studies by Wake Forest University professor Linda Nielsen found that children fare best when kids spend approximately equal time with both parents. Children who grow up in families with unequal parenting schedules are at greater risk of incarceration, addiction, poorer mental and physical health and academic outcomes, and lifetime employment and relationship challenges. 

In 2017, Kentucky became the first state in the country to pass an equally shared parenting law that creates a rebuttable presumption of equal parenting time for separated and divorced parents. That means that when you split in Kentucky, time with the kids is equally split in half — and the onus is on one parent to argue the other should have less time.

Within two years of the law going into effect, the number of family court filings in Kentucky dropped by more than 11%, and the number of family court filings involving domestic violence dropped by 4%. The law has been endorsed by Kentuckians Against Domestic Violence.

In my book, The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Solution that Makes Moms, Dads and Kids Happier When Parents Split (Sourcebooks), I show how this law resulted in lower rates of family court filings for matters including domestic violence.

Cover of The 50/50 Solution book by Emma Johnson.

About the single-mom survey

The Single Mom Income and Time-Sharing Survey was conducted via Survey Monkey. Respondents were recruited from Wealthy Single Mommy’s social media, search traffic and email audiences, during the summer of 2020. Respondents came from all 50 U.S. states.

A total of 2,279 participants were asked about their age, race, location and number of children, as well as income, employment, time-sharing arrangements and related questions.

For media inquiries, please email emma@emma-johnson.net

About Emma Johnson:

Emma is founder of award-winning WealthySingleMommy.com, the world’s largest platform for single moms, and the bestselling author of The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin). As an expert on single motherhood and gender equality, she has been featured in hundreds of media outlets including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Doctors, NPR and more. Emma has spoken about equally shared parenting at the United Nations, at Google, and recently in testimony before the Georgia Legislature’s Judiciary Committee on behalf of her organization, Moms for Shared Parenting. Learn more about Emma, and see media appearances here. She lives in New York City.

Media

The Single Mom Income and Time-Sharing Survey has been featured in these news outlets:

TIME: This Mom is Working to Help Divorced Moms Achieve Financial Independence

Elle: I Thought I Won My Divorce. Then I Realized Standard Custody Is Court-Sanctioned Sexism

CNBC: Equal Pay Day: Single moms are hit the hardest by the gender pay gap — and custody arrangements can matter

Parents: Single Moms Who Share Parenting Tend to Earn More Money

Forbes: Study Finds That Equal Custody Arrangements Narrows The Gender Pay Gap

Fox Business Radio: Single Mom Proponent Says 50/50 Co-Parenting Helps Women Feel Better, Earn More

Moms.com: Single Moms’ Custody Arrangement Matters When Earning Money

Red Tricycle: Single Moms with This Arrangement Likely to Earn More: Study

Little Things: I Fought For Less Time With My Kids And I Think Other Single Moms Should, Too