What to do when your husband or wife says they’re done

Some links below are from our sponsors. Here's how we make money.

It's over. You're not searching for signs that your husband or wife wants a divorce. They are ready, and want a divorce.

Here is what you need to know:

Top 3 things to keep in mind when divorcing:

1. Aim for is a quick divorce. Check to see if you qualify for a quick divorce in your state, and get started on a settlement agreement >>

AlabamaAlaska
ArizonaArkansas
CaliforniaColorado
ConnecticutDelaware
District of ColumbiaFlorida
GeorgiaHawaii
IdahoIllinois
IndianaIowa
KansasKentucky
LouisianaMaine
MarylandMassachusetts
MichiganMinnesota
MississippiMissouri
MontanaNebraska
NevadaNew Hampshire
New JerseyNew Mexico
New YorkNorth Carolina
North DakotaOhio
OklahomaOregon
PennsylvaniaRhode Island
South CarolinaSouth Dakota
TennesseeTexas
UtahVermont
VirginiaWashington
West VirginiaWisconsin
Wyoming

2. Go for 50/50 parenting schedules. Get examples of 50/50 schedules here.

3. Make sure you have the most overlooked item in a divorce settlement agreement: insurance. Here's everything you need to know about insurance divorce.

What to do when your wife or husband says they are done and want a divorce

If your husband or wife clearly says they want a divorce, you have two options:

  1. Try to change their mind, or
  2. Accept that the marriage is over, and make plans to move forward with a divorce, and the rest of your life.

These are scary times. Do not pretend they will change their mind or get over it. it is time to take action.

Many unhappy couples seek out therapy, both individually and together, to work through their troubles. Even if you have both accepted that the relationship is over, a skilled therapist can be useful in defusing the anger, and helping you move forward in an amicable way, so that negotiations around the children and money are less explosive, and you can focus on how to manage co-parenting, as well as best practices for helping your kids move through this difficult period.

Need help with a shared parenting calendar, tracking expenses and better communication? Check out our roundup of best co-parenting apps for 2022.

“My wife wants a divorce.”

If your wife wants a divorce, keep in mind that the old model in which women keep kids the majority of time, and dads see kids on weekends and pay child support (and possibly alimony) still stands. Call an attorney or mediator now. Take this seriously.

Case study of what not to do: I recently heard from a dad who started to go through a garden-variety separation when his wife relocated with their baby from their home in Seattle to live near her family in Alabama.

The dad was desperate to reason with her and keep the marriage together, and instead of filing for divorce and custody in Washington, he followed her to Alabama to attempt to reason with her. By doing so, the jurisdiction for the case moved to Alabama where his chances of getting a fair time-sharing arrangement were far less than Seattle.

“My husband wants a divorce.”

One pitfall women fall into is failing to take control over their finances during the marriage, while statistically earning less than their husbands — or not working at all. 

If your husband says he wants a divorce, or you suspect he wants a divorce, now is the time to shore up all your financial accounts and understand how marital property is divided after divorce. Locate the mortgage, any bank, checking, savings or  investment accounts, understand where your husband’s pension accounts are located and what your credit score is. Now is the time to get your own credit card in your own name, your own bank accounts, and focus on increasing your income and financial independence

How SAHMs divorce

What to do when a husband wants a divorce — and you don’t

If you don’t already have a therapist you like, asking friends for a local referral is helpful. Your religious leader, or even a trusted mutual friend can help, too. Online therapy platforms are affordable, convenient and make it easy to switch if you are not happy with your counselor.

Betterhelp offers live sessions starting at $65/week, including unlimited texting, with financial aid available.

Otherwise, you likely need to accept that this is happening, focus on your finances, a healthy co-parenting plan and a vision for your future.

After divorce you get a one-year pass to be a hot mess

How do I change my husband’s mind about divorce?

First, you probably can’t change your husband (or wife’s) mind once they decide to move on.

However, online couples therapy offers the unique ability to communicate in a three-way call, video or text or email exchange with a certified and licensed therapist — without being in the same room as your soon-to-be ex. BetterHelp’s database of thousands of therapists serve individuals, couples and teens. Better Business Bureau A+ rating.

Regardless of whether you choose to fight to keep the marriage together, agree to separate and divorce, or are scared out of your mind about the future … call a lawyer. Call a few family lawyers near you. Most attorneys will take your call for free, and answer your questions without charge. This is not only a good way to get a sense of who you may hire to help with a divorce, but also whether you need a lawyer at all. But most importantly, a lawyer will answer your questions and help you understand what your life post-divorce will look like, taking much of the fear and uncertainty out of what is one of the most stressful situations you will face in your life.

Should wives stay thin for their husbands?

As you speak with attorneys, as well as friends who have gone through divorces of their own, consider what type of divorce is right for you. Do you really need to each have your own litigator, and drag the issue out in court? Or would a mediated divorce, in which the two of you agree to work through the divorce details with a mediator, be a better fit? Increasingly, couples also turn to collaborative divorce, in which each spouse hires an attorney, and all four parties sign a contract agreeing to settle out of court.

Or, could you agree to an uncontested divorce, in which you both work out your own agreement and file yourself? Even in the most amicable cases, it is advised to pay an attorney to look over your documents to make sure that you are both protected, and that the papers are filed according to your state’s rules (so they are not rejected and you have to re-do them).

12 things every one should ask for in divorce

There are several quality online divorce apps. Here is what you need to know about filing divorce online, and our recommendations for the 10 best DIY online divorce programs.

3 Step Divorce is our recommended divorce paper service, with an A+ BBB rating and $50 rebate. Get started with your divorce for $84 now >>

Regardless of your path, start to educate yourself now about the divorce process, how property is divided in divorce, why shared parenting is usually best for kids, and how you can best move forward for a happy, healthy, independent life after.

How to leave your husband or wife

How to divorce a narcissist

How do I change my husband’s mind about divorce?

First, you probably can’t change your husband (or wife’s) mind once they decide to move on. However, you could communicate with a licensed therapist. Whether you choose to fight to keep the marriage together or agree to separate and divorce, call a lawyer.

Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, Elle, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. As an expert on divorce and gender, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality and multiple state legislature hearings. More about Emma's credentials.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *