Dating coach: “Single moms are hot on the successful-men market”

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I don’t run many guests posts, but happened upon Elliot Scott, a dating coach who had a lot of really smart things to say about men and women and how we can relate better. And he has a lot of experience coaching — not to mention dating! — single moms. I love, love,  love his advice, and it resonates 100% with my own experience dating a zillion men since becoming a single mom.


Check it out …

The majority of my clients are single moms. They often ask:

“Why the hell would a successful guy want to date a single mom?”

They’re often stunned at my answer:

Single moms who take responsibility for their families, who are awesome moms, and successful in their lives are extremely desirable to successful, attractive men.

That said, I can understand why mothers feel sub-par on the dating market.

Single moms are indeed stigmatized in some dating circles.

Whether it be their “mom bods,” drama from the exes, worry the child will be a hassle, or that these women are financially destitute, single moms can get stuck in negative thinking that holds them back from meeting men who are their educational, intellectual and social peers.

However, guys DO want to date single moms. You can find guys looking for serious, long-term relationships on eharmony. Start for free >>

And if you’re a guy looking to date a single mom, you need these tips.

Here is what single moms need to know:

Do guys want to date single mothers? What do guys think about dating a single mom?

Here is the secret that most single moms miss:

97% of men’s interactions with women is driven by fear.

Men closely relate their success and egos to whether they can win over a quality woman. It’s in our evolutionary makeup.

When a man doesn’t win over women of high quality, he questions his self-worth. Here are reasons why successful men are interested in dating single moms:

Single moms have their shit together

In today’s culture, success is defined by looks, yes, but also the very qualities that are unique to single mothers:  A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is.

She knows true love and has demonstrated an emotional connection that childless women have not.

A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless.

She wants to better herself and others around her.

She’s careful, sensitive, caring, loving, strong, and is on a goal of constant self-improvement.

A single mom has meaning to her life.

These are all qualities great guys are looking for.

Successful men don’t want women who run around, stay out every night, drink too much, have no control over themselves, and are unpredictable.

We like women who are strong, stable, and are feminine — all the qualities of a successful single mom.

After all, what is more truly feminine that a mother?

Despite this, so many single moms struggle with self-confidence in romance.

I understand that it can be easy to buy into those single mom stigmas.

I also understand that you’ve had your heart broken by not-so-great guys.

It’s time to get over it. Look at yourself and your life through the eyes of the type of man you desire.

Appreciate how strong, loving and capable you are.

You’ve already proven that you can handle so much, and move through hard times with grace.

Embrace the fact you have all the traits to attract quality men and build a lasting, loving relationship.

Here’s how to attract and build a relationship with a successful man:

Be proud of your single motherhood

Once you own those traits mentioned above, you automatically step into the role of a quality woman.

But you have to OWN it first! By owning your traits, taking responsibility for your situation and actions, and having a positive outlook, you automatically raise your social proof and value.

Confidence attracts confidence.

Don’t be afraid to show your success

Successful men don’t want a needy woman.

Most single moms I know have their acts together.

They have dynamic careers, are raising amazing children, and have full social lives.

To a man who also has a great life, this is catnip.

A successful single mom shows a man that his life, freedom and social status are not threatened and that makes single moms hot.

These insights were really eye-opening to me. I’ve had a really great time over the past six years dating like a maniac in New York City, a place teeming with interesting, successful men — many of whom were married to stay-at-home wives whom they are now paying a lot of alimony and child support. I’ve found that these dudes really, really appreciate a woman who makes her own money, and love when women will commiserate with them when they complain that:

  • He did not agree for her to quit her career, but by the time they split up it was too late, or …
  • She couldn’t keep a job, or pursued a career that was not lucrative, but felt entitled to maintain the lifestyle his career had afforded her, or …
  • She refused to get a job, or chose low-paying, part-time work to qualify for more money from him — none of the above of which are the same as both partners mutually agreeing one would forgo their earning potential for the sake of the family, which is what alimony is designed for.

That said, there were a few men in my recent history who clearly didn’t really get what it means to be a single mom who has a career and big goals. They didn’t get me, and these men didn’t understand women, either.

Take, for example, the movie set designer, who made a lot of money, judging by the $10,000 he paid his ex monthly, his flashy Upper West Side apartment, and the fact that he told me all the time he made a lot of money. This guy was in his early 50s, and after a year-long affair with a hot 25-year-old blonde who worked retail that ended his 20-year marriage, he’d dated a stream of hot 25-year-old blondes who worked retail, according to his Instagram feed. We went out for a few months, and I appreciated that he was creatively brilliant and a basically good guy, and he did treat me well. But we never gelled.

I always felt that while we connected intellectually, I was a good 30 lbs too fat for him, and frankly, too independent. I’d imagine that he’d tell his therapist about me, and because she’d urge him to pursue someone age- and professionally appropriate like, say, me, he stuck it out for a while, even if my flabby ass and full bush didn’t really do it for him. He did, however, really appreciate that unlike his other, less hard-knocked-life honies, I understood his divorce woes. But, because he had for 20 years a wife who did not have a career, who had their kid 80 percent of the month, he did not understand me.

The designer’d often suggest we go out to loud clubs populated with hot 25-year-olds and guys in their 50s in expensive suits during the week, at like 10 p.m. Finally, after the half-dozenth invitation, I said: “You know, I can get a sitter from time to time, but weeknights aren’t my thing. I have kids at home, you know!”

Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]

And after the 100th bitter rant about what he saw as his lazy, entitled ex-wife who refused to work full-time, I said: “I appreciate that being a mom to one teenager is not a full-time job, and your ex-wife needs to stop being so entitled, but your career did benefit from having her home taking care of your kid all those years.”

Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]

I have said it before, and it stands saying a million times: The power of pussy is real. The life you lead is a force for activism, or not. You inform others around you how to treat you, and also how to treat others. The way you manage your romantic life — whether in casual dating, hookups, FWB, or in a long-term marriage — affects those around you, directly and indirectly, which trickles into politics and policy, near and far. When you demand respect for “women’s work” at home by presuming it is shared, you, by default, are demanding respect for “women’s work” in the rest of the world.

While eharmony is our No. 1 dating site recommendation, learn more about popular sites through our reviews of Match.com, Tinder, Elite Singles, Bumble, and Zoosk.

Focus on the right guy

I often see successful single moms going after the wrong guys.

These might be men who are not their professional or social peers — men who will indeed be threatened by her success.

Or you might have your eyes on a younger man who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a family or is not ready to settle down.

This guy is in a different stage in his life than you. Instead, focus on a man who is ready for a family and is truly open to your situation.

This might mean you date single dads, or men who have been involved with single moms before.

Find great guys near you on eHarmony or consider a matchmaking service like It’s Just Lunch.

Let him take care of you

When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle.

The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman.

If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.

As long as he satisfies you and you let him know through gratitude, he will continue to help and love you.

Over-pleasing is a sign of seeking validation.

This subconsciously tells a man you can’t take care of yourself.

That is why we are turned off when someone repeatedly texts and calls, even when we don’t respond.

When you have the confidence to allow a man to take care of you, he feels masculine, secure, and devoted to you.

With confidence, you already own everything you need to attract a quality man.

Confidence is a choice in the moment. You create it. Don’t worry about your mom bod, child, financial situation, or ex.

Just know that you have it covered. Then take action. The only life worth living is a life full of action!

Once the man sees this, he’s going to be attracted to you.

Attraction isn’t serendipitous. You create it.

I have dated just as many single moms as childless women.

[Single moms and younger men: Cougar report]

If a single mother has the qualities of a single mom as well as the confidence to own it, she is in a league of her own.

successful men date single momsElliot Scott is a women’s dating coach who lives in Seattle, Washington.

Single mothers looking for love: Not sure where to start?

Recently divorced and looking for love? Here’s what you need to know about rebound relationships and finding a good man. You might even find that dating a single dad is the way to go.

Dating sites for single moms

Check out a dating app. This is the easiest, cheapest way to get your mojo back, and get a feel for what is happening out there. All you need to do is connect with one cute guy or girl to get that spark going again. 

Here is my list of the best dating sites and apps for single moms.

For finding a serious relationship, a boyfriend or a husband, eharmony is the leader:

  • Free 150-point personality report
  • Apps for iOS and Android
  • 100% of members are proven to be real (no catfishing or married people!)
  • Free version
  • For paid memberships, eharmony has one of the lowest prices.
  • 3-month free guarantee
  • A+ Better Business Bureau rating
  • Video dating

As of Sept. 2021, eharmony’s price with the discount is:

  • Free basic account: $0
  • 3-month membership: $44.96/mo << MOST POPULAR
  • 6-month membership: $17.96/mo
  • 12-month membership: $14.96/mo

Learn more about eharmony in my review.

Or get started with a free eharmony trial now >>

Not sure where to start with online dating? How to choose dating app pics.

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Dating advice for women: Top 3 things single mothers should know (from a single mom)

I've been in a serious, long-term, live-in, own-two-homes-together relationship with a wonderful man for 5 years, but I dated like CRAZY for 5-6 years before that. Lots of casual sex, a few boyfriends, and plenty of in-between — including a year-long affair with Danish man who took me sailing in the Nordic sea one summer.

Long-story-short: I had a very good time dating, and I want that for you, too. Here is my advice:

  1. Don't focus on finding a husband — or even a boyfriend. That is a fine goal, but why the rush? There are so many other romantic arrangements to explore. Be as open as free as you are able. Alow yourself to be surprised by what you have not yet experienced — and may enjoy.
  2. Listen to those red flags! “At this stage of my life I know who I am and what I want.” … I hear that often from single moms. Reality? Divorce rates for second marriages very high, hearbreak common, and we may not be as wise as we want to believe. When your girlfriends warn you to run, run.
  3. Be proud of being a mom! Please do not lie about having kids, be open to dating single dads, and understand that living in your truth, including your parenthood, is sexy and real and will attract all good things to you.


Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, Elle, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. As an expert on divorce and gender, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality and multiple state legislature hearings. More about Emma's credentials.

99 Comments

LOL – Obviously written by a woman. At best, 100% delusional, at worst 100% disingenuous. How about asking MEN what they want? You will get a much different answer.

I would like to find out how can you find a divorced mom that has not had sex with at least 50 to 100 guys. I have talked to about 12 to 20 guys that have been married,and they tell me that most of the women that they date are very loose and not at all what they would call one that they would marry. Is it true that women have a desire for big dicks? Alot of the men have said that they only have a small five inch dick,and most of the women feel loose and it’s hard for the men to cum,and this leads me to the next little problem that the guys say that they are thinking about. That is the fact that most of the women have been with alot of big dicks and are streached,and they are not going back like they should,and this is why they actually loose. The men have said that they don’t want to get married to a woman and in about 5 years her pussy is worn out and she can’t have sex,and this is why alot of the guys are saying that they are thinking of staying single.Some of the women said that they are proud of the fact that they have had this experience so that she can satisfie her husband when they get married,but if no man wants them, then they wind up liveing alone with all this experience and a big pussy that no man wants,so what should you do? From what I have seen and been told,they wind up chasing big dicks until you get to where you just can’t chase any more,and then you go home and wait to die!

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