Dating coach: “Single moms are hot on the successful-men market”

successful men date single moms

 

 

I don’t run many guests posts, but happened upon Elliot Scott, a dating coach who had a lot of really smart things to say about men and women and how we can relate better. And he has a lot of experience coaching — not to mention dating! — single moms. I love, love,  love his advice. Check it …

 

The majority of my clients are single moms. They often ask:

“Why the hell would a successful guy want to date a single mom?”

They’re often stunned at my answer:

Single moms who take responsibility for their families, who are awesome moms, and successful in their lives are extremely desirable to successful, attractive men.

That said, I can understand why mothers feel sub-par on the dating market. Single moms are indeed stigmatized in some dating circles. Whether it be their “mom bods,” drama from the exes, worry the child will be a hassle, or that these women are financially destitute, single moms can get stuck in negative thinking that holds them back from meeting men who are their educational, intellectual and social peers.

Here is the secret that most single moms miss: 97 percent of men’s interactions with women is driven by our fears.

Men closely relate their success and egos to whether they can win over a quality woman. It’s in our evolutionary makeup. When a man doesn’t win over women of high quality, he questions his self-worth.

In today’s culture, success is defined by looks, yes, but also the very qualities that are unique to single mothers:  A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is. She knows true love and has demonstrated emotional connection that childless women have not. A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless. She wants to better herself and others around her. She’s careful, sensitive, caring, loving, strong, and is on a goal of constant self-improvement. A single mom has meaning to her life. These are all qualities great guys are looking for.

Successful men don’t want women who run around, stay out every night, drink too much, have no control over themselves, and are unpredictable. We like women who are strong, stable, and are feminine — all the qualities of a successful single mom. After all, what is more truly feminine that a mother?

Despite this, so many single moms struggle with self-confidence in romance. I understand that it can be easy to buy into those single mom stigmas. I also understand that you’ve had your heart broken by not-so-great guys.

It’s time to get over it. Look at yourself and your life through the eyes of the type of man you desire. Appreciate how strong, loving and capable you are. You’ve already proven that you can handle so much, and move through hard times with grace. Embrace the fact you have all the traits to attract quality men and build a lasting, loving relationships.

Here’s how to attract and build a relationship with a successful man:

Own your single motherhood. Once you own those traits mentioned above, you automatically step into the role of a quality woman. But you have to OWN it first! By owning your traits, taking responsibility for your situation and actions, and having a positive outlook, you automatically raise your social proof and value. Confidence attracts confidence.

Don’t be afraid to show your success. Successful men don’t want a needy woman. Most single moms I know have their acts together. They have dynamic careers, are raising amazing children, and have full social lives. To a man who also has a great life, this is catnip. A successful single mom shows a man that his life, freedom and social status are not threatened.

Focus on the right guy. I often see successful single moms going after the wrong guys. These might be men who are not their professional or social peers — men who will indeed be threatened by her success. Or you might have your eyes on a younger man who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a family or is not ready to settle down. This guy is in a different stage in his life than you. Instead, focus on a man who is ready for a family and is truly open to your situation. This might mean you date single dads, or men who have been involved with single moms before.

Let him take care of you. When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle. The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman. If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours. As long as he satisfies you and you let him know through gratitude, he will continue to help and love you.

Over-pleasing is a sign of seeking validation. This subconsciously tells a man you can’t take care of yourself. That is why we are turned off when someone repeatedly texts and calls, even when we don’t respond. When you have the confidence to allow a man to take care of you, he feels masculine, secure, and devoted to you.

With confidence, you already own everything you need to attract a quality man. Confidence is a choice in the moment. You create it. Don’t worry about your mom bod, child, financial situation, or ex. Just know that you have it covered. Then take action. The only life worth living is a life full of action! Once the man sees this, he’s going to be attracted to you. Attraction isn’t serendipitous. You create it.

I have dated just as many single moms as childless women. If a single mother has the qualities of a single mom as well as the confidence to own it, she is in a league of her own.

Elliot Scott is a women’s dating coach who lives in Seattle, Washington. If you want to learn more about his work and learn how to attract the perfect guy, check out his free 200 page ebook here.

 

What do you think? Do you find that single moms are attractive to really successful, great guys? Share in the comments! 

50 thoughts on “Dating coach: “Single moms are hot on the successful-men market”

  1. Emma,

    Thanks for the opportunity. You’re an amazing woman to work with and hope to do more with you in the future. For her readers: believe me when I say men want single moms! They are a true blessing. Focus on YOU and quality men will come.

    Elliot

  2. I like the reminder to let him take care of you, rather than trying to please him in order to get his affirmation. Thanks for the insightful posting!

    1. Thank you. It’s the biggest misconception people have with relationships. A man’s ego is based off how well he attracts and satisfies quality women. If you are satisfied and let him know, he’s going to keep doing it because that’s what satisfies him.

      1. “A man’s ego is based off how well he attracts and satisfies quality women.” And where did you learn this-studying for that BA in English literature you have?

        You’re a 29 year-old personal trainer; you have neither the professional background (ie: academically) not lived life experience to be offering anyone advice on relationships. You’re yet another snake oil salesmen.

        Come back after you get a degree or two in psychology. You’ll have a lot more credibility then.

  3. Great article – I have recently started dating again and this is exactly what I needed to read . Sometimes us single moms forget how fabulous we are – thanks for the reminder!

  4. What did I just read? This article is like the mom telling her ugly child he isn’t ugly. He’s just different. Come on. Men DO NOT WANT single mothers. This article’s coat of sugar is so thick I have to visit the dentist just reading it. lol delusional white knight propaganda.

    1. No, he isn’t delusional. Did you realize how many negative single mother articles show up on top of google search? I am glad I read this article he is totally right.

      1. This article is bullshit. I’ve dated single moms, had a six-year, live-together relationship with one and at some point it always comes down to one thing: them (the kids) or me. And we all know how that choice goes. Single moms should go after their own kind-single dads.

        1. @Justanotherdude…get a life! The article is titled “…successful-men market” Successful men don’t have petty “the kids or me” issues. Their lives don’t have to be completed by a woman. You sound clingly and single moms don’t have time for your childish crap!

          1. Yes successful men do have that “petty” kids or me issues. Engineering speaking here. Single moms are crap! You just sound like a delusional bitter woman.

  5. Nice post but from personal experience, quality men are not into single mothers and avoid them like the plague. I only see the losers and men who are seeking easy thrills going after single mothers. Quality men prefer childless women. Even single dads prefer childless women as delusional as that is. Elliot, your heart was in the right place but this is not truly the case. Dating is tough for most single moms.

  6. No offense.

    “A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is. She knows true love and has demonstrated emotional connection that childless women have not. A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless. She wants to better herself and others around her. She’s careful, sensitive, caring, loving, strong, and is on a goal of constant self-improvement. A single mom has meaning to her life. These are all qualities great guys are looking for.”

    All these qualities are also in me, even MORE. The clincher? I am NOT a single mom. I’m a rare gem.

      1. So, only single moms are permitted to read and comment here? Or do you find her comments threatening g to your self-affirming echo chamber?

        Sounds like you and others like you are in dire need of a dose of reality.

    1. Uhm…I’m certain that you very likely do have said qualities; the article is not saying that there are absolutely no single, child-less females out there with qualities worthy of dating.

      However, the “even more” part of your comment has you coming across ass petty, childish, and ignorant…and the fact that you’re commenting on an article that does not apply to you depicts extreme vanity.

      But bravo, you rare gem, you.

  7. If you ask any guy what do they look for in a woman, not one of them will say they’re looking for a woman who already has kids. Lets be real.

  8. I love this! Thank you Elliot! I’ve kept myself single way too long thinking that with a child I had lost status in the dating pool:( Any advice on where to find these quality men?

  9. I agree with the many previous posts; quality men never ever seek single mothers. Yes, one night stand, yes there is the occassional Ashton-Demi relationship, but as a general rule, men with any intellect, money, power or success will strictly keep single mothers at arm’s length. Anyone who thinks otherwise is simply kidding themselves. I want to also comment on the equally proposterous claim in this article; i.e. that women should make no effort to please the men they date; only soak up the time, attention, support and kindness of the men. YOU GO GIRL!!! A quality man will see right through this apathy, and conclude you are an uncaring, selfish, lazy, entitled woman. When you wonder why he stops calling you, this will be a likely reason. If you don’t bother to give him sex, make him a meal, rub his back, or do anything else for him, guess what? He will have no use for you! Any man that sticks around through this kind of standoffish behavior is by definition not a quality man… at best a beta orbiter.

  10. No, it’s true. High quality men DO want single moms. Please check out the follow up article, “High quality men, big foot, mermaids, and other mystical creatures we believe in.” ;)
    I’m an attractive, highly educated, successful, single mom with a crazy ex. I can walk into any bar and go home with my intellectual/social equal. Yet, as soon as they know that I’m a single mom then they instantly look at me like I’m mark down goods or drill me with “none of their business” questions. Truly, what’s keeping a 33 year old childless guy with his shit together from choosing that 23 year old-perky-tit-crossfire-childless-Meghan-with an early childhood Ed degree over someone older like me with baggage? Thus, you hear people say…date single dads! (face palm) I know first hand and second hand (see what I did there?) that most single dads are single dads because their bomb ass baby mama stood up for herself and for once put her health and well being first. 95% of the single dads out there are wildly unaware of their character flaws. Plus, when you date a single dad you have the added annoyance of trying to synchronize parenting plans and worry about interpersonal relationships amongst the littles etc. In addition, you hear people say, “what about the childless guys that have already dated single moms?” (again, face palm) Let’s be honest, these guys didn’t “date” these single moms. No, they came over and boned her on her “off duty” nights or hung out with her and her kids a couple of awkward times in order to heal their injured-bird-victim-persona. These childless guys are so quick to tell others that “they dated a single mom” because they believe it makes them look open minded and a better person.
    Here’s the good news, there is hope for us single moms!
    As single moms, one our best options is to every so often stalk FB to see if there is a possibility that one of our old flame’s, (someone that knows our previous value) becomes newly single or land that one bachelor that can’t have his own kids biologically, but always saw himself in a dad role. Boom. There you go…two great hopes to hang your relationship hat on at the end of the day…
    As a single mother, I’d rather have an honest article posted than some false well intended encouragement. I’m a single mother because I decided to divorce my well intended marriage and embrace reality. I wish dating coaches would do the same. Maybe I should be a dating coach? Scratch that, how about a reality coach?

    1. The reason us single, childfree guys ask those “none of your business” questions is that we prefer to waste as little time as possible in determining if you would be suitable partner material or not. Simple as. Why bother dancing around the subject for days or weeks on end? If you have kids, it’s gonna get found out soon enough, and our reaction will be our reaction. The sooner it’s dealt with, the better for all involved so both parties can stop wasting each other’s time.

      And since we’re on the subject of you embracing reality, here’s some more for you: the potential for relationship-ending events multiplies exponentially when you throw your kids into the mix, and they don’t end when they reach 18. You’ll always be a parent, and the potential for them getting in the way and fucking up a relationship you’re in will always exist.

  11. This article is a complete joke. At our work we have a women who was a single mother who found some rich, sucker beta male to marry. Her husband is the laughing stock of the workplace.

    Seriously, why would a good-looking, financially stable guy who’s smart and well educated, have anything to do with a single mother, when he has plenty of options elsewhere that involve less headache? Men realise the logical consequences of dating a single mother, and the potential that when that relationships ends, they could be forced by the legal system to pay for child support for another man’s spawn! Screw that, decent men avoid single mothers like the plague.

    1. Yes Lisa I agree. Only some ugly beta looser who clearly is not very well educated would be in a relationship with a single mother. No to evil baby makers!.

  12. I am confused?.

    Why date a single mother who clearly does not care for the life she has created?, she is so independant that she recieves food stamps and support from the goverment?. NO REAL MAN DATES A SINGLE MOTHER! JUST A BETA IDIOT MALE! Why does he not start hes own family with a mother with no children? Loosers attract Loosers.

  13. The comments and general stereotypes surrounding single mothers I’ve read here are part of the reason I will stay in the relationship I am DREADFULLY unhappy in with my 3 year old sons father. Because I know I probably wont be desirable to anyone else for the rest of my life BECAUSE I have a child. I’m 26, good looking, have a degree and a nice home, but I’m all too aware of the stereotypes about single mothers. Its so sad because I thought my child’s’ father was ‘the one’ and that we’d have been married by now. I didn’t have a child with him to feel like utter garbage 5 years later, having realised we have different values and emotional needs. I know its my fault too, and I’m sucking it up! And now, I will have to face the consequences of being seen as some trash bag if we ever split up. So, I’ll stay in the unhappy relationship for the sake of everything else and keep quiet, let my son grow up with both parents, and wistfully dream of the day I could maybe be free when my child is much older.
    This is going to sound completely awful, but here’s my advice to childless women who aren’t married but considering children- DON’T because most relationships don’t work out and you’ll be left as another statistic, and no matter how beautiful, or intelligent you are, men aren’t going for the single mums. For me, life is now about sacrifice, DEAL WITH YOUR LIFE CHOICES, it isn’t all about YOU. And yes, I’m lonely, yes, there’s been violence, yes I’m so angry sometimes I just want to cry all day- but that’s the reality.
    As my Dad always said: “You made your bed; Now lie in it”.

    1. This is truly sad. I hope that you will one day have courage to prioritize your health and well being.

      Just as a side note – I grew up in nuclear home, mom dad around me every day. I’m grateful that I got to grow up with both my parents under one roof but because my parents chose to divorce once all the kids were out the nest I also ended up witnessing a traumatic “loveless marriage”. You think you’re being selfless but in reality you’re child may grow up with a severe wounds. Children notice the healthy interactions between mom and dad. Don’t be naive.

  14. look for single dads not man who are successful and child free its so annoying when women love to party when they got there youth they dismiss single dads and are stuck up to men lol but when they are single moms they want there cake and eat it too lmao too bad statistics show no single man Young and successful is gonna wanna raise somebody elses kid when she wouldn’t even give that guy the time off day tll now that she’s a single mom and doesn’t wanna raise the child by herself just sad desperate and manipulative women are lmao

  15. And if you stay to long helping the single mom she can then take the men to court for child alimony even tho his not the biological father seriously men the justice system will favor the single mom and then she gets alimony child support and doesn’t have to work every again is that fair to the men hell no! Single moms are a danger to your financial well being when all it takes is for her to stay for 5 years and she know she can get child support and rent played to the women Be careful men that’s why single moms hunt for desperate men yes some might want a family but if you leave her child support is there for somebody else kid

  16. “Let him take care of you. When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle. The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman. If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.”

    And my eyes just rolled so far into the back of my head I now know what my cortex looks like. I pray that no woman actually believes this. This is a statement made by greedy materialistic women who value men only as tools.

    1. My eyes rolled back too but not quite the same reason but it was similar. I will gladly accept a guy to take care of me, but ONLY if I’m allowed to return the actions. Both sides need to be taken care of. No one sided relationship lasts bc like they say, if you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down upon you.
      I agree tho, this advice is straight b.s.

  17. I am a single mom and honestly the comments on here sound like a bunch of whiny children on both sides. Would I like to be in a relationship? Maybe, someday. Am I desperate for it? Hell no!! I survived a terrible marriage and tried to keep it functioning, zombie style, bc I wanted a stable family for my kids. But I made the decision to leave bc I didn’t want my children to model their father in how they acted or expected in a man.

    When I go on dates, I disclose immediately that I have children. If they aren’t interested, fine, less wasted time. It’s not the end of the world. I am fine with waiting to find someone, bc I went thru hell to get out.

    If I don’t, that’s ok too. Ill just travel the world with my kids and enjoy life to the fullest. Not get hung up on whether I can “find a man to take car of me” Pshh… I can take care of myself. I would love a companion, but I’m also not ever lowering myself to those depths again. What kind of role model am I being for my children to emulate if I did?

    I will spoil the hell out of a guy, but if he doesn’t return the effort, he’s out the door. I know my self worth, I had to fight tooth and nail to get that back. I don’t feel entitled to this type of attitude tho… “When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle. The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman. If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.”
    Bunch of B.S. my eyes glazed over and rolled to the back of my head.

    Life does suck sometimes as a single mom, but you know what sucks more? Being in an abusive relationship with someone that’s suppose to be your partner and protector. For those that are searching desperately for love as a single mom, yall need to get it together. The desperation is what is preventing you from it. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. But you have your life and your wonderful children to take care of. Be happy and grateful for that. Live YOUR life and worry about the other crap less.

    1. And let me clarify, a neglectful relationship is just as bad as an abusive one. Its just a different type of damage. If you are in a physically abusive, mentally abusive, or sexually abusive relationship, GET OUT NOW!! Your kids will grow up thinking it is normal and there’s a chance they will model it in their adult lives! Being a dysfunctional family but together can definitely be worse for kids than just separating and them growing up like that. I am a living breathing example of this and also am example of repeating the cycle. I broke mine bc I will not let my kids think it’s ok.

      Sorry for the soapbox rant but re-reading some (specifically one) of the replies made me want to clarify this.

      1. kiki
        You are my inspiration! As much as I want to have a great guy as a championship , the reality is that, it may or may not happen. I rather be mentally well and pull the plug even though it hurts like hell and be single for the rest of my life, than to be with a narc. For my children’s well-being and sanity, it’s worthy of the temporary pain and suffering. I don’t care if I feel lonely. I don’t care if I am broke. I don’t need a looser to justify my worth. To the looser, I ‘m a supply to be used and abused. I am a human GODDAMIT! This also goes out to the men out there, who has been in a bad relationship too.

  18. Thank you for sharing. It’s very inspiring. I have been successful being a single mom but it’s hard to find a successful and quality man out there.

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