Dating coach: “Single moms are hot on the successful-men market”

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I don't run many guests posts, but happened upon Elliot Scott, a dating coach who had a lot of really smart things to say about men and women and how we can relate better. And he has a lot of experience coaching — not to mention dating! — single moms. I love, love,  love his advice, and it resonates 100% with my own experience dating a zillion men since becoming a single mom.

Check it out …

The majority of my clients are single moms. They often ask:

“Why the hell would a successful guy want to date a single mom?”

They're often stunned at my answer:

Single moms who take responsibility for their families, who are awesome moms, and successful in their lives are extremely desirable to successful, attractive men.

Date single parents for serious, long-term relationships on eHarmony. Start for free >>

That said, I can understand why mothers feel sub-par on the dating market.

Single moms are indeed stigmatized in some dating circles.

Whether it be their “mom bods,” drama from the exes, worry the child will be a hassle, or that these women are financially destitute, single moms can get stuck in negative thinking that holds them back from meeting men who are their educational, intellectual and social peers.

Here is what you need to know about this subject:

5 things to remember as a single mom in the dating world

Here is the secret that most single moms miss:

97% of men’s interactions with women is driven by fear.

Men closely relate their success and egos to whether they can win over a quality woman. It’s in our evolutionary makeup.

When a man doesn’t win over women of high quality, he questions his self-worth.

Single moms have their shit together

In today's culture, success is defined by looks, yes, but also the very qualities that are unique to single mothers:  A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is.

She knows true love and has demonstrated an emotional connection that childless women have not.

A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless.

She wants to better herself and others around her.

She’s careful, sensitive, caring, loving, strong, and is on a goal of constant self-improvement.

A single mom has meaning to her life.

These are all qualities great guys are looking for.

Successful men don’t want women who run around, stay out every night, drink too much, have no control over themselves, and are unpredictable.

We like women who are strong, stable, and are feminine — all the qualities of a successful single mom.

After all, what is more truly feminine that a mother?

[Best dating apps and sites for single moms]

Despite this, so many single moms struggle with self-confidence in romance.

I understand that it can be easy to buy into those single mom stigmas.

I also understand that you've had your heart broken by not-so-great guys.

It's time to get over it. Look at yourself and your life through the eyes of the type of man you desire.

Appreciate how strong, loving and capable you are.

You've already proven that you can handle so much, and move through hard times with grace.

Embrace the fact you have all the traits to attract quality men and build a lasting, loving relationship.

Here's how to attract and build a relationship with a successful man:

Be proud of your single motherhood

Once you own those traits mentioned above, you automatically step into the role of a quality woman.

But you have to OWN it first! By owning your traits, taking responsibility for your situation and actions, and having a positive outlook, you automatically raise your social proof and value.

Confidence attracts confidence.

Don't be afraid to show your success

Successful men don't want a needy woman.

Most single moms I know have their acts together.

They have dynamic careers, are raising amazing children, and have full social lives.

To a man who also has a great life, this is catnip.

A successful single mom shows a man that his life, freedom and social status are not threatened and that makes single moms hot.

These insights were really eye-opening to me. I've had a really great time over the past six years dating like a maniac in New York City, a place teeming with interesting, successful men — many of whom were married to stay-at-home wives whom they are now paying a lot of alimony and child support. I've found that these dudes really, really appreciate a woman who makes her own money, and love when women will commiserate with them when they complain that:

  • He did not agree for her to quit her career, but by the time they split up it was too late, or …
  • She couldn't keep a job, or pursued a career that was not lucrative, but felt entitled to maintain the lifestyle his career had afforded her, or …
  • She refused to get a job, or chose low-paying, part-time work to qualify for more money from him — none of the above of which are the same as both partners mutually agreeing one would forgo their earning potential for the sake of the family, which is what alimony is designed for.

That said, there were a few men in my recent history who clearly didn't really get what it means to be a single mom who has a career and big goals. They didn't get me, and these men didn't understand women, either.

Take, for example, the movie set designer, who made a lot of money, judging by the $10,000 he paid his ex monthly, his flashy Upper West Side apartment, and the fact that he told me all the time he made a lot of money. This guy was in his early 50s, and after a year-long affair with a hot 25-year-old blonde who worked retail that ended his 20-year marriage, he'd dated a stream of hot 25-year-old blondes who worked retail, according to his Instagram feed. We went out for a few months, and I appreciated that he was creatively brilliant and a basically good guy, and he did treat me well. But we never gelled.

I always felt that while we connected intellectually, I was a good 30 lbs too fat for him, and frankly, too independent. I'd imagine that he'd tell his therapist about me, and because she'd urge him to pursue someone age- and professionally appropriate like, say, me, he stuck it out for a while, even if my flabby ass and full bush didn't really do it for him. He did, however, really appreciate that unlike his other, less hard-knocked-life honies, I understood his divorce woes. But, because he had for 20 years a wife who did not have a career, who had their kid 80 percent of the month, he did not understand me.

The designer'd often suggest we go out to loud clubs populated with hot 25-year-olds and guys in their 50s in expensive suits during the week, at like 10 p.m. Finally, after the half-dozenth invitation, I said: “You know, I can get a sitter from time to time, but weeknights aren't my thing. I have kids at home, you know!”

Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]

And after the 100th bitter rant about what he saw as his lazy, entitled ex-wife who refused to work full-time, I said: “I appreciate that being a mom to one teenager is not a full-time job, and your ex-wife needs to stop being so entitled, but your career did benefit from having her home taking care of your kid all those years.”

Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]

I have said it before, and it stands saying a million times: The power of pussy is real. The life you lead is a force for activism, or not. You inform others around you how to treat you, and also how to treat others. The way you manage your romantic life — whether in casual dating, or in a long-term marriage — affects those around you, directly and indirectly, which trickles into politics and policy, near and far. When you demand respect for “women's work” at home by presuming it is shared, you, by default, are demanding respect for “women's work” in the rest of the world.

Focus on the right guy

I often see successful single moms going after the wrong guys.

These might be men who are not their professional or social peers — men who will indeed be threatened by her success.

Or you might have your eyes on a younger man who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a family or is not ready to settle down.

This guy is in a different stage in his life than you. Instead, focus on a man who is ready for a family and is truly open to your situation.

This might mean you date single dads, or men who have been involved with single moms before.

Find great guys near you on eHarmony or consider a matchmaking service like It's Just Lunch.

Let him take care of you

When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle.

The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman.

If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.

As long as he satisfies you and you let him know through gratitude, he will continue to help and love you.

Over-pleasing is a sign of seeking validation.

This subconsciously tells a man you can’t take care of yourself.

That is why we are turned off when someone repeatedly texts and calls, even when we don’t respond.

When you have the confidence to allow a man to take care of you, he feels masculine, secure, and devoted to you.

With confidence, you already own everything you need to attract a quality man.

Confidence is a choice in the moment. You create it. Don’t worry about your mom bod, child, financial situation, or ex.

Just know that you have it covered. Then take action. The only life worth living is a life full of action!

Once the man sees this, he’s going to be attracted to you.

Attraction isn’t serendipitous. You create it.

I have dated just as many single moms as childless women.

[Single moms and younger men: Cougar report]

If a single mother has the qualities of a single mom as well as the confidence to own it, she is in a league of her own.

successful men date single moms
Elliot Scott is a women’s dating coach who lives in Seattle, Washington.

All about finding a quality man who appreciates your motherhood

Thinking of dating again as a single mom, but not sure where to start?

Dating sites for single moms

Check out a dating app. This is the easiest, cheapest way to get your mojo back, and get a feel for what is happening out there. All you need to do is connect with one cute guy or girl to get that spark going again. 

Here is my list of the best dating sites and apps for single moms.

For finding a serious relationship, a boyfriend or a husband, eHarmony is the leader:

  • Free 150-point personality report
  • Apps for iOS and Android
  • 100% of members are proven to be real (no catfishing or married people!)
  • Free version
  • For paid memberships, eHarmony has one of the lowest prices, with costs starting at $7.90/month.
  • 3-month free guarantee
  • A+ Better Business Bureau rating
  • Video dating

Learn more about eHarmony in my review.

Or get started with a free eHarmony trial now >>

Matchmaker sites for single parents

There is a reason matchmakers have been in use since the dawn of human sexuality — they work!

Matchmakers tend to be very expensive, with no guarantees. It's Just Lunch is different.

I did a lot of research on It's Just Lunch, and went through the onboarding process, which you can listen to in audio, and read the transcript. I am so impressed — if I weren't in a serious relationship, I'd 100% use this service.

Here is a deep review of It's Just Lunch, which is the largest matchmaking service in the world, and searches its network of literally millions of singles to find you quality dates. Here is what I like about it:

  • Guaranteed number of dates. They quote you a custom price that includes a fixed number of dates over a certain period of time (you can pause your engagement with penalty for any reason — including finding love 😍).
  • Both parties pay and invest in the service — so everyone is equally invested in finding a quality relationship (and can afford the service)
  • 2 free one-on-one personal dating coaching sessions
  • Daters tend to be in their 40s and older, so lots of successful men who have kids and are open to moms with kids and successful careers
  • You are assigned a designated matchmaker who goes through rigorous training, and has years of experience — so their intuition is high!
  • It's Just Lunch is 28 years old, reports 3 million first dates (!) and thousands of relationships and marriages

In this post I lay out the pros and cons of matchmaking experiences, and you can hear for yourself as I go through what you can expect in your first experience with an It's Just Lunch dating specialist. founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist and author. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Emma's Top Single Mom Resources.


I have never read such nonsense in my life.

Any of your points might be valid in theory, but that’s all they are.

Successful single childless men will NOT date single mothers for so so so many reason.

Why would they commit any of their hard earned dollars to the DNA of another man?
A highly successful man can have anyone; why would he settle for a drama ridden woman who’s ex will always be tied too?
He will never be number one in her eyes.
If she left the father of her child, she won’t hesitate to leave anyone else.
What does it say about her choice in men? If she left him because he was a deadbeat or a loser, or abused her, what does that say about her judgement?
She’s selfish. And spiteful woman will always be looking to get back at their exes.

Thes are just a few of many and believe me mummies, I’m being kind.

Don’t let this author fill your head with false hopes. He’s probably dating or married to a single mum and let her write it.

Ladies, if you have a child, you’re destined to go through heartbreak after heartbreak.

Am I wrong? Tell me about your experiences to date versus the spill this so called author has given you and who’s more accurate?

Wow is all I can say! First off, maybe he cheated on her. Maybe one day he wakes up and realizes it’s too much responsibility for him and he goes through a midlife crisis. Her choice to leave him should not be criticized for this choice when she needs to do what is best for those kids even though it kills her inside. What if he one day starts abusing her? Or abusing the children? What if he gets in an accident and becomes addicted to pain meds? How dare you be such an ass when you have no idea the circumstances of what a woman and a mother may go through! Do you think when a woman falls in love with a man because she sees him as a great husband and father she anticipates he will hurt her one day??? I would love to see you get married one day and have to faxed with a choice because you fell in love with someone but life happens or people change and have to be forced with the continue to stay and be loyal option or the what is best for my children option and then have someone Judge you based one a small percentage of single mothers and not the wide variety who are loyal, but choose to put their children above their own happiness first.

Let’s just start with divorce statistics…. Around 80% of divorces are initiated by women. That number is even higher with women with a college education.
The number 1 reason they divorce is;….. It’s not that they have terrible marriages…. but feel that they could probably get a better one. They don’t ‘feel’ fulfilled. So they divorce.

If men are smart they stay clear of these single moms… as statistics alone show that second and third marriage divorce rate skyrockets. So these same women walk away even faster… So much for their theory that these ‘walk away wives’ will just go out and get a better marriage…

There are cases where divorce is necessary. Those are cases of infidelity, abuse and addiction.
In my circle of highly educated couples I don’t see infidelity, abuse and addiction when people divorce. I constantly see ‘powerful, highly educated, high earning women’ walking away from marriages because they are bored and want a change. This is becoming a serious social issue in North America. It’s all about choices, and with so many opportunities for women to hook up with someone else, they are leaving decent marriage in HUGE numbers….

So, ‘smart, educated’ men have reason to be hesitant in dating ‘powerful, highly educated, high earning’ single moms.

100% agreed! As a single mother with 2 (well behaved/intelligent) children, high credit score, good retirement savings, graduate degree, and no paternal drama, heartbreak and loneliness is inevitable… especially as a African American woman. The only men who portray interest are those with nothing to offer, no job, no home, no transportation, in debt (child support), and they are playing the field at all ages. You find yourself overlooking, downplaying, and settling in various areas because you feel your situation is least desirable to successful “men.” The bottom line is choice of men has everything to do with the availability of men. Although, you want a particular type of man (successful), does that type want you (single mother). Young successful men want to know what it’s like to have sex with a milf, older successful men are just passing the time. No matter how selfless, successful, caring, giving, supportive, catering, loving, independent, in shape, educated, sexual, or interested, men do not want single mothers. Blessings to the single mothers who were lucky enough to meet a worthy man.

This is some advice.
A woman who has children in her life, and no husband, Ideally… be there to be in their life creates a question on many levels.
Many many questions come into a guy’s mind and this makes a man think, and of the pain of the man before…
Do men care about men, you better believe it and have it in your mind, normal mateship.
Who initiates the majority of divorce ? and I can tell you this needs attention…
Another question is do women really need men, do boys really need dads in a woman’s eyes after divorce, do women answer those questions to themselves emotion aside, and then make make a commitment in that after they have dumped a commitment ie: marriage.
This is a site about women mostly it seems by the title.
Is divorce about power or cooperation?
Is it about judgement?
Nothing will destroy a marriage quicker than continual lies, withholding the truth, or gossip, my ex wife lived that and it destroyed us.
I made a complaint about it, her words if you don’t like it, leave, so I did.
No guy will ever measure up to a child other than the child’s father unless he was a complete loser and that’s not every case.
If you want to come second, marry a single mother, that’s my view on it and I may not be right.
My advice is ask yourself why your there and what you want and what she wants and where it could end up.
If you use people you will be used.
No winners in busted families and very bad for the next generation and the health of society.
Gave me cancer and I nearly died.

Insightful. We (single mom’s) often feel ‘less than’ in an unspecified category that we can articulate …but because of whatever “it” is, we take ourselves out of eligibility. Although, being one that likes intellectuals, funny and happy with life types, I rarely go for those that would bore or annoy me, however I still typically don’t typically view high achievers in my fishing pool. I really liked the article and gives us something to retrain our thought process on. Thanks.

This article is a bunch of horse shit. Definately not written by a man or even asked a man’sperspective when author wrote article!!! Quality men want quality woman and procreating with another man is not that attractive.

A man has got to be very stupid to take his chances with a single mom. As a fake “dad”, you will always be behind her kids. And that’s understandable from the kids perspective. And then you may have to deal with the ex who is the father of the kid(s), because he cannot be taken out of the equation. For him you are just another sucker who fell for it. Stay away from single moms, faaaar away. And I would generalize that; A successful man nowadays goes MGTOW.

I have to disagree with this. As a childfree man (I am now married) I of course didn’t see myself having anything serious in dating a woman with kids. My wife feels the same way and understands how I feel. At least, I would mention to such a woman who had kids that we are in no way a match, instead of giving her false hope just to get you know what.

A successful man is desperate if he gets tangled up with a woman who has bastard kids. Less than 1% are widowed most got knocked up by losers and now what she’s really attracted to has no interest in her. Her kids are first and you a distant second. No matter how many cliche sayings she has about her independence and how awesome she is there’s no way in hell you should make that kind of personal sacrifice. Single moms are 100 for a dime and without the government, child support, and pointless jobs most would be dead by starvation. The few that have meaningful careers and by that I mean registered nurse and up are far too busy with work and tending to kids, who will never be yours, to keep you sexed pampered and appreciated. You can have sex with these women as long as you are strong enough to be realistic and never waste your weekends holidays or cohabitate with them. Young single men never get told the truth there’s more money in providing a pacifier to these women who have ruined their lives hence: DR Phill Oprah country music and media. DONT DO IT sex is your goal as a single successful man that’s it your time is better spent working on your career and goals than sitting at some bastard kids dance recital PERIOD no exceptions

Someone appears rather bitter. We aren’t talking about single mothers as a generality here. We are talking about women who are comparable in class, education, ambition etc but who just happen to have children. In my experience many successful men have found the fact that I was a successful working mother to be attractive. It also helps considering the majority also have children themselves. Get out of here with that red pill nonsense and negativity. Don’t forget many single men aren’t bringing much to the table either as a general rule.

I’m a 33 year old single mom who does it all on my own. I own my own home in a gated community, a Benz and I made $154,000 last year as a loan officer. I’m hot and I’d be lucky to find a guy who has the sex drive that I have. Did you forget kids sleep? My daughter is 2. And I’m pretty sure a guy worth anything would fall in love with her in a heart beat.
Why am I still single? Because I don’t actually see any successful men out there that are single. I make more money than all the men I meet and I haven’t met anyone single that I’m sexually attracted to.
Soooo it sounds to me like you may have gotten hurt by a single mom and now you’re still butt hurt over it.
Being a mom has made me 10 times the woman I was before I became one. I hustle harder now and didn’t have much of an appreciation for men as I was more into myself. Now as a mom, I’d do anything for a loving, successful man who loved my child. I think I’d make him a lot more happy as a mom because of that.
Don’t give us a bad name because of your experience pal.

Vanessa. What you are writing is all blah blah and nobody is going to believe your crap. A man is now supposed to be impressed because you drive a Benz? Hahahahaaa

I will make this simple. Men value women for youth= (fertility) and beauty (genetics)
You are projecting what you as a woman find attractive in men.
no single man wants a single mother.
The men who date single mothers do so as they have no other options.

I can relate to you (except for the self absorb part). The pool of successful men is getting more shallow everyday because a lot of jobs are being changed from manual to technological. Women are far more educated these days, and are making more money too. But the reality is no matter how well we single moms have it going on from looks to finances we are undesirable.

You are the definition of LOSER.
This made me laugh histerically. I am a single mother who FYI.. Has a very successful career and provide for my son on my own.

Secondly have you never made a poor judgement on someone or been lied to? (Except women get pregnant with these liars). Yeah, I thought so. So step down from your high horse little man.

Thirdly, The young, successful man I am dating has the up most respect for me. As I’m a single mum, with 0 help from my ex, a kick ass career and still treat him like a king and he treats me as his queen.

And finally, it’s 2020 and your referring to children without biological fathers as bastards.. please never pro-create as for a child to adopt your 16th century, shovanistic mentality would be disastrous.

Regards- Single mum smashing it :) x

I wish I could love this comment
From one single mom smashing it to another

About me:

Age: 35

Single mom of a 12 year old girl who is easy, fun, smart, and loves with a heart of gold. Very helpful too.

Career: Six figure management job and I work less than 200 days per year.

Relationship status: Sweet and sensual but also extremely sex driven nymph Sub to a Daddy Dom who loves everything about me.

Looks: 5’6 125lbs 32DDD small waist ass in your face, flexible, long dark hair and big green baby doll eyes. Look at least 5 years younger.

I have a waiting list successful gentlemen…if you are not into single moms it sure isn’t any skin off of my back

Baby Daddy: Get along just fine. No drama and he supports me being with someone who makes me happy.

I’m a kick ass mom and if beauty and fertility are what attracts men…well I have both and being a mom proves you have fertility

You would chase me…guaranteed. I’m a high quality woman.

Just because a woman is childless/childfree doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have her life together. Nor does it mean that she’s running around, drinking too much, or being irresponsibly.

Not all single mothers have their lives together either. Some are very irresponsible, do drugs or drink too much, abuse and/or neglect their children, etc.

Every woman is different. What matters most is finding one that is compatible with you, whether she has children or not.

Bernie you are completely accurate. ‘Widowed’ is a totally different woman. She kept her vowels and it doesn’t bring her judgement on men into question.
Single mothers on the other hand have showed their poor taste in character by choosing a deadbeat.
I won’t disagree that many single mums are in great shape but that’s because they’re competing against younger more emotionally stable woman who haven’t made their mistakes.
But of all the single mothers I see on dating apps, they treat their profiles like an escort advert and guys see straight through this.
They haven’t learned their lesson. All they want to do is spread their legs again and it shows with their overly revealing pics.
I’m sorry but I have little to no respect for many single mothers. They’re a drain on society and our limited health resources. They made their pic. Live with your mistakes. And stay off dating apps. You should be focussed on your kids and not more penis.
I couldn’t care less if she earns millions and drives a Lamborghini, she’s damaged goods and choosing young guys is simply about manipulating them with sex because guys her own age don’t want her. Very manipulative and Vanessa knows this too well.

Speaking honestly as a man who would typically never date a single mother who was divorced, I would give serious consideration to the possibility of having a relationship with a widow. It would not be an ideal dating situation, to be clear. But I, and many many other men like me, who stay away from single mothers like the plague, do make an exception in theory for a widow.
I cannot even explain why, because I am not sure why. I just do not put you in the same basket as single divorced women. I do not see you as used up or worthless. I also do not automatically question your virtue or loyalty.
Single divorced mothers, on the other hand, I would never have anything to do with.

Thanks a lot!! I’m not divorced because I wanted to be!! I’m divorced because my ex wanted a young pretty girl.

We want young pretty and available just like your ex!!! Who wouldn’t choose young and pretty over chubby and tied up with kids. That’s why you will end up with someone you don’t find that desirable because they can’t do any better beta males like the ones at women’s rallies

You are completely absurd. Most single mothers I know take care of themselves physically and are vibrant, successful community members. Many own their own businesses or are in leadership positions including myself.

I am a young widow, my husband died of cancer almost a year ago and we have one teenage daughter. We were married for 16 years. I would never have chosen to have the title of be a single mum and a widow, my husbands death was very sudden. I am considering going out into the dating world at some point next year as a widow and it has worried me greatly about having the stigma of being a single mum. However it’s nice to know that some men will have compassion for the fact that I haven’t actively chosen to be single, it’s circumstantial, you have zero choice in it when your husband dies.

This article has given me hope and I realise don’t have to be so fearful about it, I have to trust Gods plan.


I’m not divorced because I wanted to be either. My husband came back from Iraq violent and it wasn’t safe for our child.

But thank you for illuminating the fact that all men are selfish, and will only ever see me as damaged goods, and will only ever want me for sex.

You’re a jerk. Thanks for reminding why I gave up dating altogether.

This article is amazing! Thank you so much for writing it. I have first hand experience dating a successful man who did not have children himself. It wasn’t right for me in the long-term and I was scared to break up in fear of never finding another man of his caliber again (due to being a single mother). This article was exactly what I needed to read before dating again. Of course there are men who don’t want to date women with children, but men with a good head on their shoulders that are open to the idea of a committed relationship with a single mom are the cream of the crop. If you are single mom reading the negative comments, don’t despair. I have plenty of single mom friends who have married incredible men. And don’t forget that Princess Mette-Marit of Norway was a single mom who married the Prince of Norway. The world is what we make of it and I’m going to use these words to build my confidence to find my prince – whether or not he has kids, what is important is that he is kind, loving to my children and knows how lucky he is to have us all in his life.

Just to correct my write up. Few Men came but I’m not interested, Wait patiently for my choice. However I wasn’t divorce but rather I divorced. That’s I went to court to end up the marriage. Thank you

Oy, I’m just getting into dating again. But I was a stay at home mom. Worked very part time around the kids schedule. I did ALL of the emotional labor. Now I’m finding myself under educated and under employed. This is where my insecurities lie. Especially since I seem to be attracting successful men. I am taking steps to get more education and working more (I’m a massage therapist) . My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. Didn’t support me going back to school etc… but then call me uneducated etc… so I am really trying to reframe my thinking on how I am worthy!! I think once I’m more financially independent I’ll feel more secure.

I wont date a single mother because we can’t possibly be on the same wavelength in life at that current moment. I have no children of my own and I have s good career, too.

I’m not an asshole. I’m not disrespectful to anyone. But, right now, there’s just so much I want to do in life. I’m very impulsive and I love, in a relationship, to just take me and my partner away at the drop of a hat. Or even just, a Friday evening say “Right, let’s jump in the car and just go stay somewhere this weekend”

There are so many places I want to visit. So many things I want to do. And I’d love to do it with a woman who is equally as free as I am to just do those things.

I’m sorry but, when you throw kids in the mix, there’s just no way you can do it. You’ve got bedtimes, playtimes, their education to put first, babysitters to organize, daycare, just….so, so much to plan and take into account before you do anything. Even laying in bed on a Sunday if you want to, comes at a premium.

Impromptu trips to a restaurant then the cinema? At a Premium, with planning.

I don’t dislike single mothers. But, surely I am allowed my preference based on what I want from life at the moment and not just to be put in the “asshole” box?

Here in England, it’s very rare for a single mother to be doing well in life and to have her stuff together. Generally, shes claiming benefits for life and she’ll nearly always have made the same mistake 3 or 4 times with as many men and they don’t feel they made any judgement error despite the men very clearly having been “bad boys” and now they hate all men.

I have the utmost respect for a single mother who has, say, had a guy lie to her and just got on with her education and career and become successful regardless as well as raise a child. But the kind that keep going and making the same mistakes with many men and refuse to take any of the blame and are financially destitute, this is very much the single mother I will always avoid like the plague.

Here in England, men can equally make that their lives, too. They have a kid too quickly, then they find put they dont get along with the mother. They move on, do the same with another woman, 2 or 3 times. They’re financially crippled, too, through maintenance payments. They can only do dead end jobs because theres absolutely no chance of them going back to education to get a better career.

It’s a terrible situation for all involved. So many lives just written off almost. The kids, too, because they’ve got a mom and 4 half siblings and that’s normality for them. Seeing 4 different dads and the sheer amount of conflict.

Generally, thats single mothers here in England.

I haven’t actually ever met or heard of one that’s a great mum and has her entire life together.

Now THIS is a responsible and completely respectable comment about why you wouldn’t date a single mom, the first half, anyway. Understanding the family dynamics and loss of freedom is vital, and not leading a single mom on is only fair. You seem to have your head on straight. The generalizations about single mothers in the UK, I can’t speak to, but in general generalizations tend to make someone look less intelligent. See what I did there?

I’m a single mom of young kids, and recently had to respectfully agree to mutually walk away from a potentially great match, the one great obstacle being my motherhood. This was an empty-nester, having done all the work and hardship of helping to raise kids from birth through teenage issues to adulthood. He is finally free to do those things you mention. However much we might want to date each other, and with me not necessarily even looking for a husband, it would be a bad idea. Him with an eye out for someone better suited to his stage in life, me knowing that, him resenting being held back, me knowing that, me spending crucial remaining months or years of my date-ability with someone we already acknowledge is only temporary. And for both of us, getting attached and the pain of breaking that off, which hurts even if we knew going in.

So, thanks for being responsible with your attentions. And respectful about why.

I started dating again after my husband left me and found that I have plenty to choose from. Its okay to take a leap of faith no matter how many haters are out there. Truth is that single moms are well seasoned in all kinds of ways and good men notice. Sorry for those people that are salty of the fact that single moms are hot. Times are changing and everyone circumstances are different. Don’t let anyone’s opinion keep you from being happy. Let the world know your awesome!!

Do you have any advice for the single dad thats only choice seems to be dating a women with kids but who doesnt want anymore? I just want the chance to raise my own blood….

Thank you for sharing. It’s very inspiring. I have been successful being a single mom but it’s hard to find a successful and quality man out there.

My eyes rolled back too but not quite the same reason but it was similar. I will gladly accept a guy to take care of me, but ONLY if I’m allowed to return the actions. Both sides need to be taken care of. No one sided relationship lasts bc like they say, if you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down upon you.
I agree tho, this advice is straight b.s.

Kiki it was super refreshing to read your comments even though they were last year.
I’m a single mum and have been exactly where you were. In fact I could have written your statement word for word.
I’m just having fun now and I don’t need anyone to validate me.

I am a single mom and honestly the comments on here sound like a bunch of whiny children on both sides. Would I like to be in a relationship? Maybe, someday. Am I desperate for it? Hell no!! I survived a terrible marriage and tried to keep it functioning, zombie style, bc I wanted a stable family for my kids. But I made the decision to leave bc I didn’t want my children to model their father in how they acted or expected in a man.

When I go on dates, I disclose immediately that I have children. If they aren’t interested, fine, less wasted time. It’s not the end of the world. I am fine with waiting to find someone, bc I went thru hell to get out.

If I don’t, that’s ok too. Ill just travel the world with my kids and enjoy life to the fullest. Not get hung up on whether I can “find a man to take car of me” Pshh… I can take care of myself. I would love a companion, but I’m also not ever lowering myself to those depths again. What kind of role model am I being for my children to emulate if I did?

I will spoil the hell out of a guy, but if he doesn’t return the effort, he’s out the door. I know my self worth, I had to fight tooth and nail to get that back. I don’t feel entitled to this type of attitude tho… “When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle. The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman. If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.”
Bunch of B.S. my eyes glazed over and rolled to the back of my head.

Life does suck sometimes as a single mom, but you know what sucks more? Being in an abusive relationship with someone that’s suppose to be your partner and protector. For those that are searching desperately for love as a single mom, yall need to get it together. The desperation is what is preventing you from it. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. But you have your life and your wonderful children to take care of. Be happy and grateful for that. Live YOUR life and worry about the other crap less.

And let me clarify, a neglectful relationship is just as bad as an abusive one. Its just a different type of damage. If you are in a physically abusive, mentally abusive, or sexually abusive relationship, GET OUT NOW!! Your kids will grow up thinking it is normal and there’s a chance they will model it in their adult lives! Being a dysfunctional family but together can definitely be worse for kids than just separating and them growing up like that. I am a living breathing example of this and also am example of repeating the cycle. I broke mine bc I will not let my kids think it’s ok.

Sorry for the soapbox rant but re-reading some (specifically one) of the replies made me want to clarify this.

You are my inspiration! As much as I want to have a great guy as a championship , the reality is that, it may or may not happen. I rather be mentally well and pull the plug even though it hurts like hell and be single for the rest of my life, than to be with a narc. For my children’s well-being and sanity, it’s worthy of the temporary pain and suffering. I don’t care if I feel lonely. I don’t care if I am broke. I don’t need a looser to justify my worth. To the looser, I ‘m a supply to be used and abused. I am a human GODDAMIT! This also goes out to the men out there, who has been in a bad relationship too.

Such a refreshing read and exactly my story! Thank you for sharing your experience. Here’s to loving ourselves until we find love xx

Great article – I have recently started dating again and this is exactly what I needed to read . Sometimes us single moms forget how fabulous we are – thanks for the reminder!

I completely agree with his reasoning – (good) moms (or dads) are masters of some of the most attractive qualities in a person/partner.

I like the reminder to let him take care of you, rather than trying to please him in order to get his affirmation. Thanks for the insightful posting!

Thank you. It’s the biggest misconception people have with relationships. A man’s ego is based off how well he attracts and satisfies quality women. If you are satisfied and let him know, he’s going to keep doing it because that’s what satisfies him.


Thanks for the opportunity. You’re an amazing woman to work with and hope to do more with you in the future. For her readers: believe me when I say men want single moms! They are a true blessing. Focus on YOU and quality men will come.


“Single moms have their shit together.”

No they don’t, that’s why they’re “single moms.” Last single mom I dated, I almost had to wrap her “baby daddy’s” balls around his neck because he kept provoking me. And the man in the relationship always comes dead last! Fuck that.

And why would a guy willingly ever want to be dead last in a relationship with a woman? What sense does that make? How would that relationship last? Exactly, every guy must stay away from single mothers.

In a perfect world, there would be no single mothers or single fathers. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. That being said, God has been removed from this subject, thus when woman aren’t happy, they leave, collect the child support, and go on to live their lives because the children came before the marriage (which is backwards) anyways and there are foolish, desperate, loser guys out there who will support such behavior and actually choose to be with these single mothers.

Guys, please have the self-worth to avoid single mother at all costs. Yes, there are exceptions, but the exceptions are rare. Widowed mothers are a different subject, but I’d still be cautious and try to find a woman without kids.

If the husband and wife bond isn’t the strongest bond in the home (apart from God, of course), then there’s a serious problem, and that family unit will eventually disintegrate. Generally, the single mother did not believe that, which is why they’re single mothers. Hopefully, the men take my advice. Also, I’m a medical professional and would never get with single mother even if they were the last woman on earth. God bless

Have self worth to avoid single mothers? Real nice.
You have no idea any single mother’s story. Maybe her and her ex got together as teens but as they grew, they realized they wanted different things in life. In a lot of relationships whether with a single mother or not, that woman will more than likely choose her child first. To write off a woman because she had kids says a lot about your character. For all you know, she is on great terms with the father because she does whats best for those kids and also wants to find true happiness with someone who will appreciate her love for her family or that she’s mature enough to put aside their differences.
Would you prefer a 25 year old childless woman who while you work all those hours, cheats on you with your pool boy?
If a woman can walk away from a man she loved for years to find happiness for herself and to try and give her kids a better life, do you really think she would waste her time being with someone who intended or would put last? No. Chances are she would do everything right the second time and learn from her mistakes.
Oh and FYI I know many men who were cheated on by their wives because they worked so many hours and were never home and so those women turned to other men. You know who wouldn’t do that? The single mother who was just cheated on after being loyal AF and staying home raising their children.

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