I don’t run many guest posts, but happened upon Elliot Scott, a dating coach who had a lot of really smart things to say about men and women and how we can relate better. And he has a lot of experience coaching — not to mention dating! — single moms. I love his advice, and it resonates 100% with my own experience dating a zillion men since becoming a single mom.
The majority of my clients are single moms. They often ask:
“Why the hell would a successful guy want to date a single mom?”
They’re often stunned at my answer:
Single moms who take responsibility for their families, who are awesome moms, and successful in their lives are extremely desirable to successful, attractive men.
That said, I can understand why mothers feel subpar on the dating market.
Single moms are indeed stigmatized in some dating circles.
Whether it be their “mom bods,” drama from the exes, worry the child will be a hassle, or that these women are financially destitute, single moms can get stuck in negative thinking that holds them back from meeting men who are their educational, intellectual and social peers.
However, guys DO want to date single moms. You can find guys looking for serious, long-term relationships on eharmony.
Here is what single moms need to know:
- Do guys want to date single mothers?
- What do guys think about dating a single mom?
- Single mothers looking for love: Not sure where to start?
Are you worried the guy you are dating is cheating, or want to check him out before you meet up IRL? TruthFinder background check is rated A+ by the BBB and offers reverse phone lookup, criminal records and more.
Do guys want to date single mothers? What do guys think about dating a single mom?
Here is the secret that most single moms miss:
97% of men’s interactions with women are driven by fear.
Men closely relate their success and egos to whether they can win over a quality woman. It’s in our evolutionary makeup.
When a man doesn’t win over women of high quality, he questions his self-worth.
Yes! Here are reasons why successful men are interested in dating single moms:
Why do men like single mothers? They have their shit together
In today’s culture, success is defined by looks, yes, but also the very qualities that are unique to single mothers: A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is.
She knows true love and has demonstrated an emotional connection that childless women have not.
A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless.
She wants to better herself and others around her.
She’s careful, sensitive, caring, loving, strong, and is on a goal of constant self-improvement.
A single mom has meaning to her life.
These are all qualities great guys are looking for.
Successful men don’t want women who run around, stay out every night, drink too much, have no control over themselves, and are unpredictable.
We like women who are strong, stable, and are feminine — all the qualities of a successful single mom.
After all, what is more truly feminine than a mother?
Despite this, so many single moms struggle with self-confidence in romance.
I understand that it can be easy to buy into those single mom stigmas.
I also understand that you’ve had your heart broken by not-so-great guys.
It’s time to get over it. Look at yourself and your life through the eyes of the type of man you desire.
Appreciate how strong, loving and capable you are.
You’ve already proven that you can handle so much, and move through hard times with grace.
Embrace the fact you have all the traits to attract quality men and build a lasting, loving relationship.
8 rules for dating a single mom
Are single moms worth dating? Adopt these attitudes, mama:
1. Be proud of your single motherhood
Once you own those traits mentioned above, you automatically step into the role of a quality woman.
But you have to OWN it first! By owning your traits, taking responsibility for your situation and actions, and having a positive outlook, you automatically raise your social proof and value.
Confidence attracts confidence.
2. Don’t be afraid to show your success
Successful men don’t want a needy woman.
Most single moms I know have their acts together.
They have dynamic careers, are raising amazing children, and have full social lives.
To a man who also has a great life, this is catnip.
A successful single mom shows a man that his life, freedom and social status are not threatened and that makes single moms hot.
These insights were really eye-opening to me. I’ve had a really great time over the past six years dating like a maniac in New York City, a place teeming with interesting, successful men — many of whom were married to stay-at-home wives whom they are now paying a lot of alimony and child support. I’ve found that these dudes really, really appreciate a woman who makes her own money, and love when women will commiserate with them when they complain that:
- He did not agree for her to quit her career, but by the time they split up it was too late, or …
- She couldn’t keep a job, or pursued a career that was not lucrative, but felt entitled to maintain the lifestyle his career had afforded her, or …
- She refused to get a job, or chose low-paying, part-time work to qualify for more money from him — none of the above of which are the same as both partners mutually agreeing one would forgo their earning potential for the sake of the family, which is what alimony is designed for.
That said, there were a few men in my recent history who clearly didn’t really get what it means to be a single mom who has a career and big goals. They didn’t get me, and these men didn’t understand women, either.
Take, for example, the movie set designer, who made a lot of money, judging by the $10,000 he paid his ex monthly, his flashy Upper West Side apartment, and the fact that he told me all the time he made a lot of money. This guy was in his early 50s, and after a year-long affair with a hot 25-year-old blonde who worked retail that ended his 20-year marriage, he’d dated a stream of hot 25-year-old blondes who worked retail, according to his Instagram feed. We went out for a few months, and I appreciated that he was creatively brilliant and a basically good guy, and he did treat me well. But we never gelled.
I always felt that while we connected intellectually, I was a good 30 lbs too fat for him, and frankly, too independent. I’d imagine that he’d tell his therapist about me, and because she’d urge him to pursue someone age- and professionally appropriate like, say, me, he stuck it out for a while, even if my flabby ass and full bush didn’t really do it for him. He did, however, really appreciate that unlike his other, less hard-knock-life honeys, I understood his divorce woes. But, because he had for 20 years a wife who did not have a career, who had their kid 80 percent of the month, he did not understand me.
The designer would often suggest we go out to loud clubs populated with hot 25-year-olds and guys in their 50s in expensive suits during the week, at like 10 p.m. Finally, after the half-dozenth invitation, I said: “You know, I can get a sitter from time to time, but weeknights aren’t my thing. I have kids at home, you know!”
Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]
And after the 100th bitter rant about what he saw as his lazy, entitled ex-wife who refused to work full-time, I said: “I appreciate that being a mom to one teenager is not a full-time job, and your ex-wife needs to stop being so entitled, but your career did benefit from having her home taking care of your kid all those years.”
Him: [Blank stare. Blink. Blink.]
I have said it before, and it stands saying a million times: The power of pussy is real. The life you lead is a force for activism, or not. You inform others around you how to treat you, and also how to treat others. The way you manage your romantic life — whether it's something casual, FWB, or in a long-term marriage — affects those around you, directly and indirectly, which trickles into politics and policy, near and far. When you demand respect for “women’s work” at home by presuming it is shared, you, by default, are demanding respect for “women’s work” in the rest of the world.
While eharmony is our No. 1 dating site recommendation, learn more about popular sites through our reviews of Match.com, Tinder, Elite Singles, Bumble, and Zoosk.
3. Focus on the right guy
I often see successful single moms going after the wrong guys.
These might be men who are not their professional or social peers — men who will indeed be threatened by her success.
Or you might have your eyes on a younger man who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a family or is not ready to settle down.
This guy is in a different stage in his life than you. Instead, focus on a man who is ready for a family and is truly open to your situation.
This might mean you date single dads, or men who have been involved with single moms before.
Find great guys near you on eharmony or consider a matchmaking service.
4. Let him take care of you
When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle.
The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman.
If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.
As long as he satisfies you and you let him know through gratitude, he will continue to help and love you.
Over-pleasing is a sign of seeking validation.
This subconsciously tells a man you can’t take care of yourself.
That is why we are turned off when someone repeatedly texts and calls, even when we don’t respond.
When you have the confidence to allow a man to take care of you, he feels masculine, secure, and devoted to you.
With confidence, you already own everything you need to attract a quality man.
Confidence is a choice in the moment. You create it. Don’t worry about your mom bod, child, financial situation, or ex.
Just know that you have it covered. Then take action. The only life worth living is a life full of action!
Once the man sees this, he’s going to be attracted to you.
Attraction isn’t serendipitous. You create it.
I have dated just as many single moms as childless women.
[Older single moms dating younger men: What you need to know in 2023]
If a single mother has the qualities of a single mom as well as the confidence to own it, she is in a league of her own.
Elliot Scott is a women’s dating coach who lives in Seattle, Washington.
Into older men? Do’s and don’ts for dating an older man
Bottom line: So, do guys want to date single moms?
Yes! Many single moms find love, companionship and partnership with good, successful men who respect and care for them and their children.
A woman who has children or is divorced are not deterrents for quality men — many of whom are also single dads themselves and seeking partners who understand them!
Recently divorced and looking for love? Here’s what you need to know about rebound relationships and finding a good man. You might even find that dating a single dad is the way to go.
Dating sites for single moms
Check out a dating app. This is the easiest, cheapest way to get your mojo back, and get a feel for what is happening out there. All you need to do is connect with one cute guy or girl to get that spark going again.
Here is my list of the best dating sites and apps for single moms.
Need help with your profile? 14 examples of good dating profiles and how to pick profile pics.
For finding a serious relationship, a boyfriend or a husband, eharmony is the leader:
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- 100% of members are proven to be real (no catfishing or married people!)
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Get 25% off your membership with promo code WSM25 >>
Learn more about eharmony in my review.
Yes! Many single moms find love, companionship and partnership with good, successful men who respect and care for them and their children.
A single mom knows first-hand what responsibility is. A single mom is patient, open-minded, trustworthy, loyal, and selfless.
If I were single (I’m not, because I make my marriage work), I’d pay for a date with this woman if only to hear gems such as this:
“Men closely relate their success and egos to whether they can win over a quality woman. It’s in our evolutionary makeup.”
This is a woman who doesn’t understand men at all. Nearly everything she just said is wrong. It’s a projection of what drives herself and what she wants men to be driven by. She thinks men exist to “win” women over and that’s what pleases men. Imagine the man you divorced who thought you enjoyed cleaning and handling dirty diapers as something women “enjoy” doing.
Although there are ego driven men like what she describes, these men want to “win over” lots of women to sleep with, notch their bedpost, and move on. Emma gets a free dinner out of it though. But “quality” men who respect themselves and are successful are not going to be driven by other people validating their choice of mate. That’s what women such as Emma live by. Quality men (and I consider myself one) who remain married to our spouses and love them because of the lovely kids they made with us, are proud of them on our arm because we love them and those who look down upon them, well, I couldn’t care less what they think.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/22/1d/33/221d332bb2d193296530340270de435a.jpg
And that circles back (if I may quote Jen Psaki) to why Emma and other such women are single in the first place: She’s focused on her needs and demands and the world around her validating her self-importance with the man as an accessory. Like a designer bag. Or if he’s lucky, an ATM or unpaid handyman. She brags about her independence as if he should find that attractive, but it’s not an asset she offers him. It doesn’t mean she’s going to pick up the check. It doesn’t mean that she’ll stick with him for better or worse (her ex-husband probably knows about that!) Her feminism means she has all the negative traits of men (power hungry, ambitious) and women (needy in the form of men buying her stuff) without any of the assets and this is what she calls “equality”.
Sure, there are men who want her. Even some financially but emotionally insecure men she can bully around. But how long will they either put up, or survive, her endless sh*t tests and childish demands? Imagine a sadistic teacher looking to fail you probing for your weakest performance and saying “I’m just trying to make you a better person, tee hee!” and then they kick you out of school as a “learning experience.” Heck, the world is full of “nice guys” like this wandering the earth as sort of zombies after they were married or had kids with women such as Emma. If they decide to marry another woman just like her, what kind of pathetic glutton for punishment is that? Us men have little sympathy for SIMPs. You feed the beast, don’t feel sorry for us if you get eaten by it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Y10qx3liE
Oh, before you say it ladies, “who hurt you?”, the answer is: nobody. I red-pilled myself 35 years ago and got what I wanted out of relationships with women and if they didn’t measure up to MY demands, I kicked them to the curb. Aside from my first girlfriend who dumped me (and my childhood friends inform me she became and remains a single mom, big surprise), the rest would take me back in a second. It’s awkward but amusing to reject facebook friend requests from them since my wife uses my facebook feed. Besides, I don’t want them pestering me to borrow money.
So how does Emma get away with this wildly delusional worldview? The answer is that at a young age, in a chivarlous/feminist society, she could. She has a hundred thirsty men chasing after her for sex at least. How do we know she can’t RETAIN a high quality man? Well, she’s single isn’t she? The older she gets, the odds are statistically higher that she’ll either remain single or she’ll SETTLE for a loser and then try to save face that she has some romantic narrative to justify it (which she could have done decades ago.) What sane single mother or any woman for that matter wants to take dating advice from her at face value?
Guess what; I tell my wife NO all the time. She doesn’t like it, but she sticks around because she wants a man whose decent, responsible, and does care for her. I’ll say “yes” when it’s reasonable. And I EXPECT her to live up to “equality” and provide me with something back of value. Emma’s feminist “equality” is about giving men stuff that she doesn’t mind throwing out, like going to a store and asking for a new designer handbag and saying you have junk in your basement you’ll give them in exchange.
Let’s address the point she made where she told a successful guy how he owed his ex alimony for the “benefits” to the marriage by staying at home. It’s amazing his ex-wife didn’t get a Nobel peace prize for being married to a rich guy and going out partying, ordering nannies and maids around, and spending his money at the store. Yeah, Mother Teresa, MOVE OVER! A biological clock ticking gal I met told me on the 4th date (guess what we did on the third, wink), she she expected me to start earning more to provide for her “sacrifice” to stay at home and quit the job she didn’t want to do anymore. Oh, and she was “worth” me blowing a few thousand on some bling to impress her friends. I argued with her about it, but dumped her about a week later. I unplugged my phone (long time ago) and sent her to “voicemail” where she drunkenly threatened to kill my cat. She left me alone when I told her I could call the police. That was that. My 70 year old women friends from a different generation laughed at the cluelessness of modern women.
Are there single mothers worth marrying? Well, sure, just like there are broke, ugly guys worth marrying (I was!): They work hard, improve themselves, take the initiative to find someone, and basically have to live on their A game all the time. I, and they, live like we’re in the top pick of the NBA lineup but without the glamour or reward aside from knowing it’s just something we go to do. You know:
Man up.
When I reached my early 30’s and had achieved personal, physical, and financial max value, I could have dated a nice single mother who perhaps meant well marrying at 18 and having a kid with a guy who turned out to not be able to hold a job, but by then, I had my pick. I was no alpha but I had choice. So I married a pretty, childless woman who was 10 years younger than me. In theory, I suppose, if the single mother had approached me at a coffee shop and asked me for directions to the pet store and she charmingly struck up a conversation and asked me to have coffee with her, I may have decided to wife her up, throw a diamonique ring on her (a woman worthy of me can lie to her friends), and helped raise her kids and take her on lavish vacations around the world. Well, instead I provide those now for my wife and (biological) daughter. Twice a year I fly her for a week to a beach and to visit international friends.
But hey, other guys, if you want some feminist, but traditional, gal then there’s a lot of Emmas out there for you. They’re all yours!
Umm.. I’m not sure where you getting your information. But a woman with no kids will always be more desireable than a woman with kids. She may not win in attractiveness, etc. However, as a man I have a lot less to deal with
Single mothers? Psst. Get real. As if I’m gonna work my ass off to provide for some other man’s children. Hard pass. Sorry.
What a shallow response. You are not the kind of man a good quality woman with or without kids would want to date anyway.
what a deluded comment. sorry but wanting to provide for your own kids instead of another man’s is not the least bit shallow. funny how what is inconvenient for you you think a shallow what a selfish outlook.
People would have more success dating with kids if they stick to dating other people with kids. This article is hot take garbage. If you as a single mother want to find a man on your field, then find a single father to date and not a top percentage man without kids that’s obviously not going to be interested in anything other than sex. Expectations tend to be blown way out and that’s why guys don’t go straight for single moms. You have to be realistic and most single moms won’t even date a guy with kids but don’t understand why men without kids won’t date them. How bout them double standards?
….articles like this falls in with such 2020 favorites as:
“Obesity is sexy”
“Poor is the new rich”
and my all time favorite
“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”
This article is delusional …..
It’s funny how the article only refences “successful men” what about all the non successful men? What’s wrong with them
ohhh….. that’s right… you’re not into them are you?
Men value youth and beauty, not whether a women is successful or not. It’s great to the single mothers who are smashing it, you’re doing great, really.
But let’s look at the raw dynamics:
If a 35 year old successful man (the top 3-5% of the dating market) had the pick of a 43 year old with 4 children or a young beautiful 25 year old which one
is he going to pick?
Helllooooo… sorry to pop your bubble of delusion
Well said.
I turned 40, I am college educated, home paid off and raised by a two parent loving household. Oh sexy and as attractive as it can get. My problem I cannot forgive liars, people who make excuse and people who lack initiative. The 2 men that I was serious about I could not forgive for all the aforementioned. I divorced and took nothing my pride will not let me. I want a kid now I was fortune to love to be in love, so now my path is a sperm donor. I don’t want to wait for the guy ready to be a mom. Not all women are users.
lol well you’re going to need a sperm donor because no sane man is looking to have kids with a 40-year-old woman
That’s a terrible decision. You are going to take the route that is statistically miserable by becoming a single mother. Just take a look to the statistics:
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
• 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
• Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.
Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.
• 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
Men are visual creatures.
I honestly feel if your pretty enough you can get any man you want with or without kids, but to keep the man is a different story. That takes wisdom and inner beauty, (and sometimes good sex Imma keep it real).
I feel like a wise man knows this, and that’s why to him the physical, emotional, and even financial situation of a “good kind” woman may come secondary to him.
Truly though, if you want a good man you have to be a good woman.
.. I dated many after divorcing, I can honestly say I had a lot of men with and without kids, poor and successful interested in marrying me. So there is definitely a market for single moms out there.
So, I am a bit set back at the jerks on here saying women aren’t lovable because they have kids lol.
That is simply not true, and if anything these are the very type of men you want to avoid. They are most likely the type of men childless women avoid as well. Consider yourself lucky if you have children already actually, because this will show you a mans true colors right from the start.
If he’s willing to love another man’s child… wow that man has good insides, and that is much more attractive then the amount in his bank account if you ask me .
Automatically that makes him a compassionate, caring, selfless, committed, and beautiful individual. Automatically that makes him attractive to me and rare..
Either that or he’s a weirdo..
Definitely run some tests on him before he meets the kids.
“Single moms are so cool….! Buy our product!!”.
This article is a joke, just pandering and an attempt to get even more women/ single moms on dating apps to take their money.
She’s a shill getting paid by dating platforms.
You think the author is an honest person? Check out her work history, some of the most proven dishonest organizations I’ve ever seen on this planet.
It’s no surprise she can’t prove any of her ideas with facts, just feel good crap with zero evidence.
If you’re a single mom and want a good man, start going to church. That’s your best shot.
Cheers!
As a man, I don’t agree with this at all. All this article is doing is giving false hope to single mothers. I pose this question to the author: How often do you see a successful, quality, childless man marry a single mother? I have never seen that in my lifetime. A guy who is successful, attractive and doesn’t already have kids knows he can have his pick of quality women, so why would he waste his time with a woman who has kids?
I have one 19 year old son who attends an awesome University. He is handsome, very smart, athletic, charismatic, funny, articulate and volunteers in the community. Covid has put a temporary damper on some of that, but he also lived on a BIG10 Campus and kept Covid free!
As a successful single RN, it’s difficult to find the Gentleman that I also raised my son to be.
I was raised with the same standards and normal expectations of behavior in life. I enjoy dinner and a Broadway Show or Special Travelling art exhibit at the MET, or the Philadelphia Art Museum . Do I let him know that I like to hike, fish, kayak, and enjoy a good old fashioned County Fair?
I can’t find him. I look beautiful at a charity Gala and a sundress at Hershey Park. Online dating has been a nightmare. I’m lost.
How about the prince of Norway? He did it :-)
I have never read such nonsense in my life.
Any of your points might be valid in theory, but that’s all they are.
Successful single childless men will NOT date single mothers for so so so many reason.
Why would they commit any of their hard earned dollars to the DNA of another man?
A highly successful man can have anyone; why would he settle for a drama ridden woman who’s ex will always be tied too?
He will never be number one in her eyes.
If she left the father of her child, she won’t hesitate to leave anyone else.
What does it say about her choice in men? If she left him because he was a deadbeat or a loser, or abused her, what does that say about her judgement?
She’s selfish. And spiteful woman will always be looking to get back at their exes.
Thes are just a few of many and believe me mummies, I’m being kind.
Don’t let this author fill your head with false hopes. He’s probably dating or married to a single mum and let her write it.
Ladies, if you have a child, you’re destined to go through heartbreak after heartbreak.
Am I wrong? Tell me about your experiences to date versus the spill this so called author has given you and who’s more accurate?
Wow is all I can say! First off, maybe he cheated on her. Maybe one day he wakes up and realizes it’s too much responsibility for him and he goes through a midlife crisis. Her choice to leave him should not be criticized for this choice when she needs to do what is best for those kids even though it kills her inside. What if he one day starts abusing her? Or abusing the children? What if he gets in an accident and becomes addicted to pain meds? How dare you be such an ass when you have no idea the circumstances of what a woman and a mother may go through! Do you think when a woman falls in love with a man because she sees him as a great husband and father she anticipates he will hurt her one day??? I would love to see you get married one day and have to faxed with a choice because you fell in love with someone but life happens or people change and have to be forced with the continue to stay and be loyal option or the what is best for my children option and then have someone Judge you based one a small percentage of single mothers and not the wide variety who are loyal, but choose to put their children above their own happiness first.
Let’s just start with divorce statistics…. Around 80% of divorces are initiated by women. That number is even higher with women with a college education.
The number 1 reason they divorce is;….. It’s not that they have terrible marriages…. but feel that they could probably get a better one. They don’t ‘feel’ fulfilled. So they divorce.
If men are smart they stay clear of these single moms… as statistics alone show that second and third marriage divorce rate skyrockets. So these same women walk away even faster… So much for their theory that these ‘walk away wives’ will just go out and get a better marriage…
There are cases where divorce is necessary. Those are cases of infidelity, abuse and addiction.
In my circle of highly educated couples I don’t see infidelity, abuse and addiction when people divorce. I constantly see ‘powerful, highly educated, high earning women’ walking away from marriages because they are bored and want a change. This is becoming a serious social issue in North America. It’s all about choices, and with so many opportunities for women to hook up with someone else, they are leaving decent marriage in HUGE numbers….
So, ‘smart, educated’ men have reason to be hesitant in dating ‘powerful, highly educated, high earning’ single moms.
100% agreed! As a single mother with 2 (well behaved/intelligent) children, high credit score, good retirement savings, graduate degree, and no paternal drama, heartbreak and loneliness is inevitable… especially as a African American woman. The only men who portray interest are those with nothing to offer, no job, no home, no transportation, in debt (child support), and they are playing the field at all ages. You find yourself overlooking, downplaying, and settling in various areas because you feel your situation is least desirable to successful “men.” The bottom line is choice of men has everything to do with the availability of men. Although, you want a particular type of man (successful), does that type want you (single mother). Young successful men want to know what it’s like to have sex with a milf, older successful men are just passing the time. No matter how selfless, successful, caring, giving, supportive, catering, loving, independent, in shape, educated, sexual, or interested, men do not want single mothers. Blessings to the single mothers who were lucky enough to meet a worthy man.
I will say as a single man with no kids at the age of 31. And i’m only speaking for myself. But i would hate to dwindle down the pool of excellent women just because she had children with another man. I would have no issues using my hard earned money to help create and sustain the foundational base needed to support a relationship. Its not always about wanting the opportunity to have anyone you so please. We as men may see qualities in a woman that compliment the life we sought for ourselves but might not have been able to make come to fruition. I can proudly say that since i havent met a woman whod i want to have children with, but i have no issues whatsoever helping a woman take care of a family she has already made. Like many things each relationship has its own variables of challenges. But just know there are some single hard working men who don’t mind taking on the responsibility and helping a woman raise her children.
This is some advice.
A woman who has children in her life, and no husband, Ideally…..to be there to be in their life creates a question on many levels.
Many many questions come into a guy’s mind and this makes a man think, and of the pain of the man before…
Do men care about men, you better believe it and have it in your mind, normal mateship.
Who initiates the majority of divorce ? and I can tell you this needs attention…
Another question is do women really need men, do boys really need dads in a woman’s eyes after divorce, do women answer those questions to themselves emotion aside, and then make make a commitment in that after they have dumped a commitment ie: marriage.
This is a site about women mostly it seems by the title.
Is divorce about power or cooperation?
Is it about judgement?
Nothing will destroy a marriage quicker than continual lies, withholding the truth, or gossip, my ex wife lived that and it destroyed us.
I made a complaint about it, her words if you don’t like it, leave, so I did.
No guy will ever measure up to a child other than the child’s father unless he was a complete loser and that’s not every case.
If you want to come second, marry a single mother, that’s my view on it and I may not be right.
My advice is ask yourself why your there and what you want and what she wants and where it could end up.
If you use people you will be used.
No winners in busted families and very bad for the next generation and the health of society.
Gave me cancer and I nearly died.
I don’t understand you.
If you started a relationship with someone who has kids, for sure you thought about it and came to the conclusion that she is so important to you that you will love her kids too and help her raise them. When you are both older you will always have each other. You must never compete with the child, NEVER. Many men make this mistake, or think they are “loved less” or in “2nd place” simply because she must tend to her kids needs first.
I have 3 kids and loved a man who had a kid of his own. He made the decision to move to my country to be with me, then (probably) regretted it and started saying I was the reason he could not be with his son. I told him to fight for the boy (when he wanted to give up) but also reminded him that it was his ex keeping him away from his child, not me. When I met the boy I made sure he liked me, I knew that if you love someone who has kids you better love the kids too or the relationship is doomed.
But of course… if you had the best intentions at the start and then halfway through realised it’s too much for you: say it and leave. Free Will above all, she deserves to be happy and so do you.
Insightful. We (single mom’s) often feel ‘less than’ in an unspecified category that we can articulate …but because of whatever “it” is, we take ourselves out of eligibility. Although, being one that likes intellectuals, funny and happy with life types, I rarely go for those that would bore or annoy me, however I still typically don’t typically view high achievers in my fishing pool. I really liked the article and gives us something to retrain our thought process on. Thanks.
This article is a bunch of horse shit. Definately not written by a man or even asked a man’sperspective when author wrote article!!! Quality men want quality woman and procreating with another man is not that attractive.
Stop spreading virus! Single moms deserve to find love, they are all human! You weak man, that’s why your woman left you, and chosed to become single mom instead than to live with you forever. You are toxic as hell. We better be single for life than to live with you.
A man has got to be very stupid to take his chances with a single mom. As a fake “dad”, you will always be behind her kids. And that’s understandable from the kids perspective. And then you may have to deal with the ex who is the father of the kid(s), because he cannot be taken out of the equation. For him you are just another sucker who fell for it. Stay away from single moms, faaaar away. And I would generalize that; A successful man nowadays goes MGTOW.
First of all why are you up here ? If you don’t want to date anyone with children get off this blog ! This is to up lift single mothers. Like who wants to date a selfish, Narcissistic, Ignorant, cave man yeahhh that’s sexy !
You are all naive to listen to this delusional idea … why would a successful man who toiled to build himself want second hand? especially one that is 6ft single in shape making over 100k disease free no ex-wives never made a mistake himself without any children? not to mention your fertility is dwindling fast after 30 .. ask yourself if this was your son .. would you want him to marry an older single mother?
who wants to date a women who makes poor choices then to share the burden with them? yeah stretch marks sooo sexy.
I have to disagree with this. As a childfree man (I am now married) I of course didn’t see myself having anything serious in dating a woman with kids. My wife feels the same way and understands how I feel. At least, I would mention to such a woman who had kids that we are in no way a match, instead of giving her false hope just to get you know what.
A successful man is desperate if he gets tangled up with a woman who has bastard kids. Less than 1% are widowed most got knocked up by losers and now what she’s really attracted to has no interest in her. Her kids are first and you a distant second. No matter how many cliche sayings she has about her independence and how awesome she is there’s no way in hell you should make that kind of personal sacrifice. Single moms are 100 for a dime and without the government, child support, and pointless jobs most would be dead by starvation. The few that have meaningful careers and by that I mean registered nurse and up are far too busy with work and tending to kids, who will never be yours, to keep you sexed pampered and appreciated. You can have sex with these women as long as you are strong enough to be realistic and never waste your weekends holidays or cohabitate with them. Young single men never get told the truth there’s more money in providing a pacifier to these women who have ruined their lives hence: DR Phill Oprah country music and media. DONT DO IT sex is your goal as a single successful man that’s it your time is better spent working on your career and goals than sitting at some bastard kids dance recital PERIOD no exceptions
Someone appears rather bitter. We aren’t talking about single mothers as a generality here. We are talking about women who are comparable in class, education, ambition etc but who just happen to have children. In my experience many successful men have found the fact that I was a successful working mother to be attractive. It also helps considering the majority also have children themselves. Get out of here with that red pill nonsense and negativity. Don’t forget many single men aren’t bringing much to the table either as a general rule.
Sorry to burst your bubble Leah but the author of this article knows nothing about what men want and neither do you. Men don’t want women who are single mothers comparable in class, education and ambition they get that from other men at the office and on the job site. Please explain why he would want to come home to that? It’s another man. That is strictly a women’s projections and they’re masculine qualities. You women really need to seriously consider what it is a man really wants instead of listening to women fantasize. I highly doubt any successful man finds you attractive because your a single successful working mother that’s delusional if you’re a women with breasts, vagina and a pretty face believe me that’s why you’re attractive and nothing else. The question I have for you is has any of these successful men you talk about asked you to marry them?
sorry sweetie but you knocked yourself out of the class of successful men when you had another man’s kids. having your masters degree in healthcare administration or whatever nonsense you majored in does not put you in the same league as attractive men who are successful in their 30s.
I’m a 33 year old single mom who does it all on my own. I own my own home in a gated community, a Benz and I made $154,000 last year as a loan officer. I’m hot and I’d be lucky to find a guy who has the sex drive that I have. Did you forget kids sleep? My daughter is 2. And I’m pretty sure a guy worth anything would fall in love with her in a heart beat.
Why am I still single? Because I don’t actually see any successful men out there that are single. I make more money than all the men I meet and I haven’t met anyone single that I’m sexually attracted to.
Soooo it sounds to me like you may have gotten hurt by a single mom and now you’re still butt hurt over it.
Being a mom has made me 10 times the woman I was before I became one. I hustle harder now and didn’t have much of an appreciation for men as I was more into myself. Now as a mom, I’d do anything for a loving, successful man who loved my child. I think I’d make him a lot more happy as a mom because of that.
Don’t give us a bad name because of your experience pal.
Vanessa. What you are writing is all blah blah and nobody is going to believe your crap. A man is now supposed to be impressed because you drive a Benz? Hahahahaaa
I will make this simple. Men value women for youth= (fertility) and beauty (genetics)
You are projecting what you as a woman find attractive in men.
no single man wants a single mother.
The men who date single mothers do so as they have no other options.
There are no real men up here talking so your opinion doesn’t matter a real man uplifts all women not tear down. All women are beautiful and special ! Quality is in the individual not in how many children they have or do not have. And youth and beauty fade . And you can not keep a man with sex .unfortunately 90 % of men are acting like this in our culture and that’s because they weren’t raised right I suggest reading male versus man it’s a new book by Datue Whitfield at Barnes Nobles . A lot of males walking around thinking they men but are boys . Sounds like there a lot of boys up here .
Exactly. Bitter boys crying due to being dumped my their ex. Real men uplift women.
I can relate to you (except for the self absorb part). The pool of successful men is getting more shallow everyday because a lot of jobs are being changed from manual to technological. Women are far more educated these days, and are making more money too. But the reality is no matter how well we single moms have it going on from looks to finances we are undesirable.
“I don’t actually see any successful men out there that are single.”
On the contrary, most successfull men are single. Or a single man is more likely more successfull than another that is not.
Hi Vanessa, just a few things: I’m not a bitter, red-pilled type, but I have noticed that women seem to judge their own attractiveness by the same standards that women judge men by when in my experience men evaluate women in a different way. I know attractive women who make 10 times what you do on Wall Street who have told me this very thing since my separation. My ex makes twice what you do and is probably as attractive (but admittedly over a decade older), but having a few kids in the home who will always put a man second at best (and will always see me as their father) and a job that will make him third in all likelihood is not a good deal for him.
Also, that you can find no successful single men means that there is a very small available candidate pool for successful single women, which is reiterating the guy’s point. Again, no salt. Just a few observations. And another observation: I think that the single moms with the best chances are women with kids out of the home or very young, so you are actually at an advantage here. Best of luck to you in any case.
Vanessa,
Successful men don’t care about your salary or the car you drive. The vast majority of successful men want to start their own families and if they are even mildly attractive with any self-esteem they will definitely go for a woman with no kids almost every time. Furthermore let us get real here most women want the top 20 percent of all men and that top 20 percent is not looking for women with kids, successful or not. That’s not to say you can’t find a good guy but your definition of successful will likely need some tweaking
You are the definition of LOSER.
This made me laugh histerically. I am a single mother who FYI.. Has a very successful career and provide for my son on my own.
Secondly have you never made a poor judgement on someone or been lied to? (Except women get pregnant with these liars). Yeah, I thought so. So step down from your high horse little man.
Thirdly, The young, successful man I am dating has the up most respect for me. As I’m a single mum, with 0 help from my ex, a kick ass career and still treat him like a king and he treats me as his queen.
And finally, it’s 2020 and your referring to children without biological fathers as bastards.. please never pro-create as for a child to adopt your 16th century, shovanistic mentality would be disastrous.
Regards- Single mum smashing it :) x
I wish I could love this comment
From one single mom smashing it to another
About me:
Age: 35
Single mom of a 12 year old girl who is easy, fun, smart, and loves with a heart of gold. Very helpful too.
Career: Six figure management job and I work less than 200 days per year.
Relationship status: Sweet and sensual but also extremely sex driven nymph Sub to a Daddy Dom who loves everything about me.
Looks: 5’6 125lbs 32DDD small waist ass in your face, flexible, long dark hair and big green baby doll eyes. Look at least 5 years younger.
I have a waiting list successful gentlemen…if you are not into single moms it sure isn’t any skin off of my back
Baby Daddy: Get along just fine. No drama and he supports me being with someone who makes me happy.
I’m a kick ass mom and if beauty and fertility are what attracts men…well I have both and being a mom proves you have fertility
You would chase me…guaranteed. I’m a high quality woman.
Just because a woman is childless/childfree doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have her life together. Nor does it mean that she’s running around, drinking too much, or being irresponsibly.
Not all single mothers have their lives together either. Some are very irresponsible, do drugs or drink too much, abuse and/or neglect their children, etc.
Every woman is different. What matters most is finding one that is compatible with you, whether she has children or not.
Bernie you are completely accurate. ‘Widowed’ is a totally different woman. She kept her vowels and it doesn’t bring her judgement on men into question.
Single mothers on the other hand have showed their poor taste in character by choosing a deadbeat.
I won’t disagree that many single mums are in great shape but that’s because they’re competing against younger more emotionally stable woman who haven’t made their mistakes.
But of all the single mothers I see on dating apps, they treat their profiles like an escort advert and guys see straight through this.
They haven’t learned their lesson. All they want to do is spread their legs again and it shows with their overly revealing pics.
I’m sorry but I have little to no respect for many single mothers. They’re a drain on society and our limited health resources. They made their pic. Live with your mistakes. And stay off dating apps. You should be focussed on your kids and not more penis.
I couldn’t care less if she earns millions and drives a Lamborghini, she’s damaged goods and choosing young guys is simply about manipulating them with sex because guys her own age don’t want her. Very manipulative and Vanessa knows this too well.
You are definitely the kind of narcissistic man child that all women should stay away from. So many me. Think they are so perfect and condemn single mothers because of their lack of manhood. A childless women may not be any better…she is not automatically a better person. I’m a proud single mom of three because their dad couldn’t handle the medical issues of one of our children. I’m a Godly women raising amazing, talented and beautiful children. Most men are not good enough for us. The majority are little boys that are selfish and lack basic masculinity. I have two amazing careers, homeschool one kid, private school for the other. Unfortunately most men I come across are not as educated, driven and earn nowhere near what I do. Sounds like some of these men are so called damaged goods and need to go home and cry to their mommies.
I see over and over in this thread this message: the guy isn’t as educated as me, the guy doesn’t make as much money as me, therefore the guy isn’t good enough for me. Women as a general rule of thumb it seems have no respect or desire to be with a man who is “less than” her in status (education, income, profession). For what use would she have for him? He “brings nothing to the table”. Ok, fair enough. It’s the same for a man who finds physically unattractive women not good enough.
I made the mistake of prioritizing my wife’s career over mine when we had children. I still worked and made money but chose a flexible career to be the one to be there for the kids all the times she couldn’t due to her demanding work schedule. I (we?) discussed not wanting our kids raised in daycare centers. So I stepped back professionally to be home more. Guess what. Our marriage turned to shit very quickly. Sex and respect dried up. I became frustrated. I was last- after her career , her parents, her brother, the kids. I became invisible. I did not cope well with it and was confused (and now I realize) I used drinking as an escape. I’d go out and party with friends when I could. Never cheated. Just partying a bit as an escape on the weekends. Not smart but hey. We fought. I quit drinking completely after I realized how damaging it was to our relationship. But she was done. Just didn’t love me like that anymore she said. Ok. So she files for divorce – tried and failed to get sole legal custody of our kids, her mother launches into a smear campaign.. and it got ugly.
Good news is I got 50/50. My career is back in high gear, and I’m making more money than ever. I’m FREE. (But still obviously bitter about the whole thing). I truly loved the mother of my kids the best I could, and supported her and the kids the best I knew how to at the time. I grew up with divorced parents and never wanted that for my kids. I fought for my marriage and is was the most humiliating thing I’ve done in my life. And I was also hurting as I felt undesired and invisible. I don’t know if she wants to date again anytime soon, but part of me feels for the next guy. She sold her stock out in me when it was down for a bit. I would’ve never stopped being there for her if she lost her job or took a lower paying job. But hey, that’s how it is. She has her side of the story, no doubt.
Speaking honestly as a man who would typically never date a single mother who was divorced, I would give serious consideration to the possibility of having a relationship with a widow. It would not be an ideal dating situation, to be clear. But I, and many many other men like me, who stay away from single mothers like the plague, do make an exception in theory for a widow.
I cannot even explain why, because I am not sure why. I just do not put you in the same basket as single divorced women. I do not see you as used up or worthless. I also do not automatically question your virtue or loyalty.
Single divorced mothers, on the other hand, I would never have anything to do with.
Ever.
Thanks a lot!! I’m not divorced because I wanted to be!! I’m divorced because my ex wanted a young pretty girl.
We want young pretty and available just like your ex!!! Who wouldn’t choose young and pretty over chubby and tied up with kids. That’s why you will end up with someone you don’t find that desirable because they can’t do any better beta males like the ones at women’s rallies
You are completely absurd. Most single mothers I know take care of themselves physically and are vibrant, successful community members. Many own their own businesses or are in leadership positions including myself.
That’s great those are your problems. you can’t make a guy sympathize his way into being attracted to you.
I am a young widow, my husband died of cancer almost a year ago and we have one teenage daughter. We were married for 16 years. I would never have chosen to have the title of be a single mum and a widow, my husbands death was very sudden. I am considering going out into the dating world at some point next year as a widow and it has worried me greatly about having the stigma of being a single mum. However it’s nice to know that some men will have compassion for the fact that I haven’t actively chosen to be single, it’s circumstantial, you have zero choice in it when your husband dies.
This article has given me hope and I realise don’t have to be so fearful about it, I have to trust Gods plan.
Wow.
I’m not divorced because I wanted to be either. My husband came back from Iraq violent and it wasn’t safe for our child.
But thank you for illuminating the fact that all men are selfish, and will only ever see me as damaged goods, and will only ever want me for sex.
You’re a jerk. Thanks for reminding why I gave up dating altogether.
The article didn’t say single men without kids you morons
This article is amazing! Thank you so much for writing it. I have first hand experience dating a successful man who did not have children himself. It wasn’t right for me in the long-term and I was scared to break up in fear of never finding another man of his caliber again (due to being a single mother). This article was exactly what I needed to read before dating again. Of course there are men who don’t want to date women with children, but men with a good head on their shoulders that are open to the idea of a committed relationship with a single mom are the cream of the crop. If you are single mom reading the negative comments, don’t despair. I have plenty of single mom friends who have married incredible men. And don’t forget that Princess Mette-Marit of Norway was a single mom who married the Prince of Norway. The world is what we make of it and I’m going to use these words to build my confidence to find my prince – whether or not he has kids, what is important is that he is kind, loving to my children and knows how lucky he is to have us all in his life.
Just to correct my write up. Few Men came but I’m not interested, Wait patiently for my choice. However I wasn’t divorce but rather I divorced. That’s I went to court to end up the marriage. Thank you
Oy, I’m just getting into dating again. But I was a stay at home mom. Worked very part time around the kids schedule. I did ALL of the emotional labor. Now I’m finding myself under educated and under employed. This is where my insecurities lie. Especially since I seem to be attracting successful men. I am taking steps to get more education and working more (I’m a massage therapist) . My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. Didn’t support me going back to school etc… but then call me uneducated etc… so I am really trying to reframe my thinking on how I am worthy!! I think once I’m more financially independent I’ll feel more secure.
I wont date a single mother because we can’t possibly be on the same wavelength in life at that current moment. I have no children of my own and I have s good career, too.
I’m not an asshole. I’m not disrespectful to anyone. But, right now, there’s just so much I want to do in life. I’m very impulsive and I love, in a relationship, to just take me and my partner away at the drop of a hat. Or even just, a Friday evening say “Right, let’s jump in the car and just go stay somewhere this weekend”
There are so many places I want to visit. So many things I want to do. And I’d love to do it with a woman who is equally as free as I am to just do those things.
I’m sorry but, when you throw kids in the mix, there’s just no way you can do it. You’ve got bedtimes, playtimes, their education to put first, babysitters to organize, daycare, just….so, so much to plan and take into account before you do anything. Even laying in bed on a Sunday if you want to, comes at a premium.
Impromptu trips to a restaurant then the cinema? At a Premium, with planning.
I don’t dislike single mothers. But, surely I am allowed my preference based on what I want from life at the moment and not just to be put in the “asshole” box?
Here in England, it’s very rare for a single mother to be doing well in life and to have her stuff together. Generally, shes claiming benefits for life and she’ll nearly always have made the same mistake 3 or 4 times with as many men and they don’t feel they made any judgement error despite the men very clearly having been “bad boys” and now they hate all men.
I have the utmost respect for a single mother who has, say, had a guy lie to her and just got on with her education and career and become successful regardless as well as raise a child. But the kind that keep going and making the same mistakes with many men and refuse to take any of the blame and are financially destitute, this is very much the single mother I will always avoid like the plague.
Here in England, men can equally make that their lives, too. They have a kid too quickly, then they find put they dont get along with the mother. They move on, do the same with another woman, 2 or 3 times. They’re financially crippled, too, through maintenance payments. They can only do dead end jobs because theres absolutely no chance of them going back to education to get a better career.
It’s a terrible situation for all involved. So many lives just written off almost. The kids, too, because they’ve got a mom and 4 half siblings and that’s normality for them. Seeing 4 different dads and the sheer amount of conflict.
Generally, thats single mothers here in England.
I haven’t actually ever met or heard of one that’s a great mum and has her entire life together.
Now THIS is a responsible and completely respectable comment about why you wouldn’t date a single mom, the first half, anyway. Understanding the family dynamics and loss of freedom is vital, and not leading a single mom on is only fair. You seem to have your head on straight. The generalizations about single mothers in the UK, I can’t speak to, but in general generalizations tend to make someone look less intelligent. See what I did there?
I’m a single mom of young kids, and recently had to respectfully agree to mutually walk away from a potentially great match, the one great obstacle being my motherhood. This was an empty-nester, having done all the work and hardship of helping to raise kids from birth through teenage issues to adulthood. He is finally free to do those things you mention. However much we might want to date each other, and with me not necessarily even looking for a husband, it would be a bad idea. Him with an eye out for someone better suited to his stage in life, me knowing that, him resenting being held back, me knowing that, me spending crucial remaining months or years of my date-ability with someone we already acknowledge is only temporary. And for both of us, getting attached and the pain of breaking that off, which hurts even if we knew going in.
So, thanks for being responsible with your attentions. And respectful about why.
A single mother is someone who is loving, who puts her children needs before her own, a family person, a warm hearted individual, and one who has been hurt 9x out of 10 repeatedly presuming that no real woman anticipates on having a child with any guy out there who they did not truly love only to end up raising the child alone ? Do you know how much self care and selflessness that takes ? Shouldn’t you want that type of love ? If she goes above and beyond for her baby , why wouldn’t she do the same for her soulmate ? She chose to reproduce with that person and that’s something special and not something that should be taken lightly. You could’ve been that single guy with no kids until u met a woman that fed your soul, your every need, every desire but you failed to do the same for her. There’s always two risks when having sex with someone…either contracting a STD or getting pregnant. So I don’t believe that this would conclude that “a single mom” is just someone who has bad judgement because life isn’t predictable and we ALL take risks. Clearly, if it was …wouldn’t we all be choosing and planning our entire lives faithfully and not evening have this disucssion? Have some of you men not ever had life happen to you ? That sinlge mom isn’t more of a poor quality than a single woman without kids..she is simply a WOMAN. You can choose someone off of preference of course and choose that woman without kids and find out the complete opposite of what actually attracted you to her in the beginning..
It’s sort of like a job interview…you don’t know what you’re in for until you’re IN. Someone can convince u to believe anything initially but you’ll never know right away ..See that?? Just like u never knew u would have kids with someone and it wouldn’t work out? Just like u would never wanted to date a single mother but your heart fell for her ? Just like you’ve never wanted to date someone with kids and your significant other finally comes out and tells you something that he has been hiding so deeply? Just like you’ll never know that single woman that physically appears without children has faced behind close doors? That woman may be suffering from infertility, she may have suffered several miscarriages, she may was physically abused to the point where she lost her child…the only one that was capable of saving her mentally.
Any man that thinks it’s wrong or unacceptable to love a child simply because biologically he or she isn’t his then I can’t do anything but pray your eyes will open up during your experiences.
Would you want your son to marry a single mum who has 1,2,3 kids with other men? probably not, you would want them to find a better partner in life. thats the reality and what makes you a hypocritic.
you say you have been hurt 9/10 times in your past relationships and that is a reflection on the kind of men you are picking and that is furthered by the fact you are a single mother. you pick the wrong men you will get the same results. to make the same mistakes is madness as Einstein said. poor decision making and poor planning in life should not be for other people to come and clean up it is unfair to expect someone to come into your life and to put you first and your children when you can’t do the same for him….
I think the reality is that you need to reflect on yourself and think how you managed to ruin your life and your child’s life by disadvantaging them and yourself. Then pretending to be the most amazing person because you have a child
I started dating again after my husband left me and found that I have plenty to choose from. Its okay to take a leap of faith no matter how many haters are out there. Truth is that single moms are well seasoned in all kinds of ways and good men notice. Sorry for those people that are salty of the fact that single moms are hot. Times are changing and everyone circumstances are different. Don’t let anyone’s opinion keep you from being happy. Let the world know your awesome!!
Yes! My experience!!! Thank you for sharing!
Do you have any advice for the single dad thats only choice seems to be dating a women with kids but who doesnt want anymore? I just want the chance to raise my own blood….
Thank you for sharing. It’s very inspiring. I have been successful being a single mom but it’s hard to find a successful and quality man out there.
My eyes rolled back too but not quite the same reason but it was similar. I will gladly accept a guy to take care of me, but ONLY if I’m allowed to return the actions. Both sides need to be taken care of. No one sided relationship lasts bc like they say, if you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down upon you.
I agree tho, this advice is straight b.s.
Kiki it was super refreshing to read your comments even though they were last year.
I’m a single mum and have been exactly where you were. In fact I could have written your statement word for word.
I’m just having fun now and I don’t need anyone to validate me.
I am a single mom and honestly the comments on here sound like a bunch of whiny children on both sides. Would I like to be in a relationship? Maybe, someday. Am I desperate for it? Hell no!! I survived a terrible marriage and tried to keep it functioning, zombie style, bc I wanted a stable family for my kids. But I made the decision to leave bc I didn’t want my children to model their father in how they acted or expected in a man.
When I go on dates, I disclose immediately that I have children. If they aren’t interested, fine, less wasted time. It’s not the end of the world. I am fine with waiting to find someone, bc I went thru hell to get out.
If I don’t, that’s ok too. Ill just travel the world with my kids and enjoy life to the fullest. Not get hung up on whether I can “find a man to take car of me” Pshh… I can take care of myself. I would love a companion, but I’m also not ever lowering myself to those depths again. What kind of role model am I being for my children to emulate if I did?
I will spoil the hell out of a guy, but if he doesn’t return the effort, he’s out the door. I know my self worth, I had to fight tooth and nail to get that back. I don’t feel entitled to this type of attitude tho… “When a woman starts to focus on pleasing the man, opposed to accepting his care, she ruins the natural mating cycle. The man’s job is to please and satisfy the woman. If it’s the other way around, he will start to focus on his needs and not yours.”
Bunch of B.S. my eyes glazed over and rolled to the back of my head.
Life does suck sometimes as a single mom, but you know what sucks more? Being in an abusive relationship with someone that’s suppose to be your partner and protector. For those that are searching desperately for love as a single mom, yall need to get it together. The desperation is what is preventing you from it. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. But you have your life and your wonderful children to take care of. Be happy and grateful for that. Live YOUR life and worry about the other crap less.
And let me clarify, a neglectful relationship is just as bad as an abusive one. Its just a different type of damage. If you are in a physically abusive, mentally abusive, or sexually abusive relationship, GET OUT NOW!! Your kids will grow up thinking it is normal and there’s a chance they will model it in their adult lives! Being a dysfunctional family but together can definitely be worse for kids than just separating and them growing up like that. I am a living breathing example of this and also am example of repeating the cycle. I broke mine bc I will not let my kids think it’s ok.
Sorry for the soapbox rant but re-reading some (specifically one) of the replies made me want to clarify this.
kiki
You are my inspiration! As much as I want to have a great guy as a championship , the reality is that, it may or may not happen. I rather be mentally well and pull the plug even though it hurts like hell and be single for the rest of my life, than to be with a narc. For my children’s well-being and sanity, it’s worthy of the temporary pain and suffering. I don’t care if I feel lonely. I don’t care if I am broke. I don’t need a looser to justify my worth. To the looser, I ‘m a supply to be used and abused. I am a human GODDAMIT! This also goes out to the men out there, who has been in a bad relationship too.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!!!!!
Such a refreshing read and exactly my story! Thank you for sharing your experience. Here’s to loving ourselves until we find love xx
Thanks for sharing, I love this energy.
Thanks Kiki! You are an inspiration ❤️
thank you so much for this piece. has motivated me again. be blessed
Why are you reading this post if you are not a single mom? The dating world is falling down at your feet.
Great article – I have recently started dating again and this is exactly what I needed to read . Sometimes us single moms forget how fabulous we are – thanks for the reminder!
I love what he says!
I completely agree with his reasoning – (good) moms (or dads) are masters of some of the most attractive qualities in a person/partner.
Agreed!
double agreed!
Seriously agreed with you, since I get these quality compliments in the neighborhood, I’m happy.
I like the reminder to let him take care of you, rather than trying to please him in order to get his affirmation. Thanks for the insightful posting!
Note to self: Do that!
Thank you. It’s the biggest misconception people have with relationships. A man’s ego is based off how well he attracts and satisfies quality women. If you are satisfied and let him know, he’s going to keep doing it because that’s what satisfies him.
Emma,
Thanks for the opportunity. You’re an amazing woman to work with and hope to do more with you in the future. For her readers: believe me when I say men want single moms! They are a true blessing. Focus on YOU and quality men will come.
Elliot
*LIKE*
“Single moms have their shit together.”
No they don’t, that’s why they’re “single moms.” Last single mom I dated, I almost had to wrap her “baby daddy’s” balls around his neck because he kept provoking me. And the man in the relationship always comes dead last! Fuck that.
And why would a guy willingly ever want to be dead last in a relationship with a woman? What sense does that make? How would that relationship last? Exactly, every guy must stay away from single mothers.
Thanks for sharing this perspective. It made me realized that I need to be more proud of myself.
yay!
Thanks for that, Elliot– you made my day! Cheers to connections!
In a perfect world, there would be no single mothers or single fathers. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. That being said, God has been removed from this subject, thus when woman aren’t happy, they leave, collect the child support, and go on to live their lives because the children came before the marriage (which is backwards) anyways and there are foolish, desperate, loser guys out there who will support such behavior and actually choose to be with these single mothers.
Guys, please have the self-worth to avoid single mother at all costs. Yes, there are exceptions, but the exceptions are rare. Widowed mothers are a different subject, but I’d still be cautious and try to find a woman without kids.
If the husband and wife bond isn’t the strongest bond in the home (apart from God, of course), then there’s a serious problem, and that family unit will eventually disintegrate. Generally, the single mother did not believe that, which is why they’re single mothers. Hopefully, the men take my advice. Also, I’m a medical professional and would never get with single mother even if they were the last woman on earth. God bless
Have self worth to avoid single mothers? Real nice.
You have no idea any single mother’s story. Maybe her and her ex got together as teens but as they grew, they realized they wanted different things in life. In a lot of relationships whether with a single mother or not, that woman will more than likely choose her child first. To write off a woman because she had kids says a lot about your character. For all you know, she is on great terms with the father because she does whats best for those kids and also wants to find true happiness with someone who will appreciate her love for her family or that she’s mature enough to put aside their differences.
Would you prefer a 25 year old childless woman who while you work all those hours, cheats on you with your pool boy?
If a woman can walk away from a man she loved for years to find happiness for herself and to try and give her kids a better life, do you really think she would waste her time being with someone who intended or would put last? No. Chances are she would do everything right the second time and learn from her mistakes.
Oh and FYI I know many men who were cheated on by their wives because they worked so many hours and were never home and so those women turned to other men. You know who wouldn’t do that? The single mother who was just cheated on after being loyal AF and staying home raising their children.
Single mothers should date single fathers, end of discussion.
This is insane. First off.. its written by a woman. This isnt a mans perspective so how could it apply, supermom?
Here’s the thing.. single moms can get men.. and their child already signals she’s sexually active (easy kill)… but men who have better options will pick the better option when it comes to marriage. Example, woman A has an amazing personality, great looks, great career, no kids.. woman B has an amazing personality, great looks, great career, 1 kid. A MAN WILL PICK WOMAN A! Period.
The STORY BEHIND THE SINGLE MOM DOES NOT MATTER. A single successful man (like any human ever) doesnt have to bow to the unfortunate events of anyone elses life. Just like how you walk by homeless people without giving them money or understand their story. Its not your problem.. right? SAME HERE! We dont look at how you love your child, and think, “i want her to love me like that!!” What the eff??
As a woman with child, a child is a disadvantage in the dating scene. Men dont care if your children are “beautiful” or “smart”. Theyre not the guys kid! A guy would have to accept this disadvantage when considering to be with a single mother. As a woman, what disadvantages will you accept? Because you have to… With your disadvantage on the dating market, you must consider dating men who have disadvantages themselves, whether it be theyre not as attractive, have a child too, dont have as much money, short.. and so on and so on.
Single mothers… BE REALISTIC IN YOUR MANHUNT. The best men will have the best options, and typically, your child will disqualify you from being the best option. Just imagine a successful single guy waking up one day, rolling over to no one to share a bed with.. and he says to himself.. “ahh.. its time for me to settle down with a nice lady.. I hope she already has a child by another man that I can help raise!” Thats ridiculous. Why would a guy chose the single mom who has to prioritize her child, when he can get a childless woman who can more equally prioritize?
Ladies… if you busted your ass to raise a son and put him thru college, he becomes a successful director level employee. And at age 28 he brings home a 24 or 34 year old woman with another mans children.. what would you want to advise him? Please dont be delusional and suggest “if she makes you happy!” No.. you would want your son to raise his own family.
This brings up another point, are you open to have more kids? If no, then WTF?! This successful single guy cant even get a child? If yes, OH GREAT… he has to pay for YOUR CHILD and HIS child for the rest of your marital lives. Hows that a good deal? Because the single mom is “caring” and loving”?… give me a break.
Now.. with this said.. you CAN get a man.. just not the same man you couldve maybe gotten when you were younger and childless. In the end.. YOU have to settle, because HE has to settle with you AND your child as opposed to getting a woman without a child. Bringing your child to a single successful mans life brings no positives to him. Accept it and be realistic.
“You have no idea any single mother’s story.”
I don’t care about her past. I care about what I have to deal with in the present, in this case, it’s another man’s children. No thanks. I’ll pass on that.
“To write off a woman because she had kids says a lot about your character.”
It shows I exercise good judgment.
“Would you prefer a 25 year old childless woman who while you work all those hours, cheats on you with your pool boy?”
It would hit even harder when the single mom cheats with the pool boy. No friend, being a single mother doesn’t suddenly make you a beacon of morality here to enlighten the world. You’re just another woman with a bunch of kids running around.
“You know who wouldn’t do that? The single mother who was just cheated on after being loyal AF and staying home raising their children.”
You are either blatantly trolling or you’re incredibly naive. Some of the most unscrupulous women I have ever met have been single mothers. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying they are far worse in many cases than childless women simply because they have children to feed. Single mothers would do some downright unspeakable deviousness for the sake of feeding their children.
Brian, hopefully you will never end up as a single father…. I’d bet you’d read all of your comments at that time and realize that your own narrow-minded perspective is lacking of empathy, joy, celebration of love that can be shared between MORE than just one, single woman and yourself.
What a self righteous and inhibiting view you have of your ideal relationship.
Guess what? I have 5 kids from a 20 year marriage and have had NO ISSUE dating, except that people I. General want easy and no one appreciates anything that comes easily!
Why are you posting so many posts on this regarding particular subject? You have obviously been hurt by a single mom and are trying to spew resentment to all single moms!
Please find a loving and accepting place to forgive and open your heart to loving others without such judgment.