Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad

breaking-up-after-divorce

Eighteen months after my marriage ended, I jumped into a heady, sexually intense year-long relationship with a fellow writer and parent who was 20 years older than I was. In hindsight, it was no surprise it ended — his kids were grown, mine were tiny, our lives were at different points. But that did not make me love him any less, and did nothing to tamper the absolute devastation that pummeled me when we broke up.

Even months after we split, Sundays when my kids are with their dad and I would have otherwise spent with my ex-boyfriend, I instead engaged in unseemly behavior like walking around the streets of Manhattan while bawling uncontrollably, listening to John Legend on a loop and reading the Wikipedia page on Carrie and Mr. Big. Not only was all this embarrassing, it was also incongruous with the events at hand. Something else was at play.

So I called one of my best friends. I've known Kirsten for 12 years, and even though she lives on the other side of the country, we remain very close and she knows all my shit. Kirsten did what a good friend does: she listened. As I talked and sobbed and blubbered and talked some more it all came out. Besides the end of my relationship, my mom has been unwell. My mom, who adores my kids second only to their parents. As my children and their needs as people grow, it seems that our circle of people shrinks – and the pressures of being a single mother mount. I am just one person responsible for two human beings. It feels like too much.

“We’ve all watched you over the past few years be so strong and amazing,” Kirsten said. “But I said to myself, ‘I hope this girl can find time to process it all. Because sooner or later it will catch up with her.’”

It has caught up with me. When my husband fell off that cliff three years ago, I slipped into survival mode: I jutted my jaw, made sure the kids and my business and the money and the divorce and the house were all in order. Trust me, there were plenty of late night crying fits and trips to therapists and a wonderful support group for loved ones of brain injury victims. But I’m not sure I fully felt the gravity of my loss – our loss. The loss my whole family suffered.

Read: Best dating sites for single moms (and tips for how to find the best guys)

Finally, I recognized that three years’ worth of grief had come knocking. For months after that conversation, I gave myself permission to mourn. Those sad Sundays were committed to indulging  the emotion and grief and healing that had eluded me.

Funny thing, how empathy blooms. At bedtime after coming home from her dad’s on Sunday, I laid next to my then-4-year-old daughter in her twin bed. She was riled up after the transition, which is not unusual, but it spiraled into something else. “Why can’t our family be like other families?” she cried. I worry I dismiss the grief my kids might feel over the divorce. After all, Lucas wasn’t even born when we separated – Helena not yet 2. “It’s always Helena, Lucas, Daddy – and Mommy separate. Or Helena, Lucas, Mommy – Daddy separate. I want us to be like Eleanor’s family.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. So I held her head in the crook of my neck and listened and let her cry and cry. “Thank you for telling me how you feel,” I said. “It’s important to get it out. Because sooner or later it will catch up with you.”

Listen to my Like a Mother episode about this topic:

It seems to be a universal experience: When that first relationship after divorce ends it just kills.  When that relationship ended, it hurt like a motherfucker! Holy shit did that hurt. Ouchie!! Owwie ow ow ow! Mommy! Make it stop! Please, ow ow owie ouchie ow I can't take any more!!!

It took me a long time, and a lot of interaction with other, divorced people to figure out why post-divorce rebounds are akin to your body dripping with infected hangnails while, at the same time, a rusty scythe strikes your guts. Again. And again. And again.

Even more than an ending love, all that pain and torment is really about contending with unresolved heartbreak from divorce. You are likely as I was: needing to go through that rebound and the subsequent pain. It served as a critical point of reference through which I dealt with the dissolution of my marriage.

  • Divorce often robs us of the opportunity to mourn the romantic relationship itself because there is so much practical and logistical hell to contend with at the time of the split. Including:
  • Your children's care and feelings
  • Finances
  • Worry you will be be destitute
  • Custody
  • Worry your children will be forever neurotic/hateful of you/incapable of love
  • Real estate transactions
  • Relocation
  • Lost relationships with in-laws
  • Lost relationships with mutual friends
  • Divvying of personal items (make sure to sell your diamond engagement ring and don't make it part of the divvying)
  • Removing names from bank accounts and mortgages and wills, credit cards, utility accounts and car notes
  • Acclimating to visitation schedules
  • Acclimating to living alone
  • Figuring out how to live on far less money
  • Figuring out how to make way more money
  • And on and on

Divorcing people are also forced to face the loss of dreams of family life, and what the rest of your life will be like. And there is a ton of fear about all of it.

All this upheaval and stress can leave little room to deal with simple loss of love. When you are contending with a 360-degree life barf, there is scant space to sit quietly and feel the weighty grief of no longer spending nights with a person who you at least once — likely still — loved very much. Not just the absence of somebody. The absence of him.

Which is where the rebound breakup and all its gory hurt come in. If you're like me, that relationship was just that. Someone who I cared very much about, knew my kids, but was a lover — no more. He was not my partner. We were emotionally, intellectually, sexually intertwined. But our lives were completely separate. We owned nothing together (though I'm still kind of annoyed with myself for never retrieving that La Perla nighty from his apartment, but I'll live), and did not even share friends. When we broke up there was nothing to contend with but grief.

Which is another reason why we do not mourn the love for our husbands immediately after divorce. Divorce often comes after months and years of a really unhappy relationship. By the time the four-way lawyers meetings start, you've forgotten about the emotional, intellectual and sexual connection you once shared with that man. It was likely missing for a very long time — which is exactly why it is so intoxicating when we find that connection again in a rebound. And, if you're like me, you consciously appreciate those mutual feelings so very much more — which only adds to the scythe bludgeoning once it falls.

Nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound.

–Mary Russell Mitford

 

A recent amour and I were chatting.

Me: “I've been thinking about how the first time you sleep with someone, you're not really sleeping with that person – you're really sleeping with all the other people you've had sex with before them.”

Him: “That's right. You're really sleeping with your point of reference.”

In essence, before you get to know a new lover's body and preferences — as well as how your own body and preferences fit with that person — each of us is really just sorting through all of the bodies and preferences that came before in order to truly enjoy current company.

Relationships are no different. And this analogy holds most true in a rebound relationship.

There has been plenty written on the perils of the rebound. The old maxim suggests that the recently heart-broken is too angry/vulnerable/hurt to be truly open to a new love. The rebounder is at risk of attaching too quickly to the wrong person, and those dating a rebounder are subject to wandering into the line of fire of scatter-shot devotion.

I've written exhaustively about my own post-marriage rebound with a man who was also recently divorced. It lasted a full year and was thrilling, wonderful and dysfunctional.

When that relationship ended, it hurt like a motherfucker! Holy shit did that bloody_hearthurt. Ochie!! Owwie ow ow ow! Mommy! Make it stop! Please, ow ow owie ouchie ow I can't take any more!!! Even more than an ending love, all that pain and torment was really about contending with unresolved heartbreak from my divorce. But I needed to go through that rebound and the subsequent pain. It served as a critical point of reference through which I dealt with the dissolution of my marriage.

I just called off a month-long liaison with a man so recently divorced that his clothes were still packed in the suitcases with which he removed them from his marital home. By all outward appearances we should be planning our second marriage by now: In addition to the crazy chemistry, we're both creative, ambitious people who share sensibilities about money, child rearing, politics, travel, style — and a love for divey ethnic restaurants. He is one of the most brilliant people I've known, open, affectionate, thoughtful and physically gorgeous in all his points of reference.

But no matter how much I tried to stay true to my belief that anything is possible in love, there was no escaping that I am three years out of my marriage while he is a mere three weeks. This guy's giddy openness about starting life anew reminded me of just how I felt at that juncture. I also sensed a vulnerability and neediness that was woefully familiar — in this man I could see myself two years ago when I, too, first ventured into post-divorce dating. It evoked being on a third date with my own rebound boyfriend. Anxiously, across the table in a dimly lit West Village restaurant, I stammered: “Are you dating anyone else? Because I'm not.” My barely salvaged heart could barely stand the risk of being dinged yet again.

Related: Why post-divorce breakups hurt so damned bad

Today, I feel differently about emotional risk, heartbreak and dating. On the one hand, bring it on! You don't get to the good stuff in relationships without putting yourself out there emotionally. But now I don't feel quite as vulnerable and needy. I am feeling strong and free and optimistic about love in a different, more grounded way — one that allows me to see obvious love landmines before I enthusiastically dance on one – Gangnam style. As such, I couldn't figure out how to make my own phase of divorce jibe with that of my recent amour.

So in a breakup email exchange, I shared more or less what I said here. I added that I hoped we could stay connected in some way, keep open the possibility of finding each other in other phases of our journeys. What I got in response was one of the most touching compliments I've received in a very long time. It said:

“I can't think of anyone I would rather have lost my divorce virginity to.”

 

How about you? How did you get over your post-divorce rebound? What did you learn from the experience? Share in the comments!

emma johnson family
Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list.

Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.

A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

About Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list. Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

227 Comments

  1. Honoree Corder on August 1, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Perhaps the break-up hurts so much because the pain of divorce finally has a way of coming out. The minor pain of the break-up combines with the major pain of divorce, and the emotions that have been stuffed have a chance to escape. Just a thought.

    • Emma on August 1, 2013 at 1:49 pm

      Yes, that is exactly what happens, I think. You summed up my 700 word post in two sentences :)

      • Honoree Corder on August 1, 2013 at 4:20 pm

        :)

      • Anastasia on May 23, 2016 at 10:52 am

        I wish I had read this a year ago! I thought I was going crazy…wondering why I could not even sleep, eat, smile or focus on anything other than the demise of that first relationship post divorce! The pain was unbearable! Left me feeling so hopeless. Now I see it…you are SO right – can’t be sad when you’re going to lawyers trying to survive and your kids are a mess…and not partners, so true. It is so weird to not be partners w someone after marriage and understand it all.

        • Emma on May 23, 2016 at 7:38 pm

          Glad it resonated :)

        • Christine Woolf on June 7, 2018 at 4:57 pm

          Thanks for this post! I have been baffled by how hard this past year has been after dating a man right after my separation/divorce. It was the most painful experience of my life, and interrupted my ability to live well. From the guy’s perspective: he was having a casual, care-free time. I do agree that this situation forced me to find out what went “wrong” or why I acted the way I did (so anxious!) and read a tons of books that have enlightened me on why I got married to the wrong man in the first place; and then immediately changed an enticing man who emotionally, perhaps, resembled my husband. Absolutely horrible experience, however. I thought my brain was broke. It’s been a year and this man is already dating someone else – when he shared that in an email, surprise surprise, I balled and balled for days…Uncontrollable grief about so many things. He was a trigger.

        • Angelica on July 6, 2018 at 1:46 pm

          Yes!!!!
          “It is so weird to not be partners w someone after marriage and understand it all.”
          Thank you! I just broke up with my post-divorce lover of 3 and 1/2 years on July 4th. We even lived together. I am an absolute train wreck and feel like I’m barely breathing. He was definitely not my partner and it was SO hard for me to understand because I don’t know how to not be a wife / partner in relationships.
          Anyway, thanks for what you posted.

      • Isela on July 14, 2016 at 12:32 am

        I have to say thank you Emma. I saw this post while I was going thru my divorced,and decided not to date tily divorced was finalized and I even went to therapy to work out my hurt and trust isues. After all, I was married for 18 years, and found out after our youngest turned 17, he was cheating and ect.. I felt I kind of knew it and just didn’t want to realize it. After everything was done and finalized and I took time for myself, I started dating and so far so good. One step at a time ; ) thank u again Emma.

        • Nick on August 17, 2017 at 10:35 am

          Exactly!

          • sharonsh on October 18, 2017 at 4:42 pm

            yes hurts like hell. I was in love with a NICK DURING A DIVORCE AND WE BROKE UP. IT FELT LIKE DEATH. ITS LIKE A TERRIBLE FEELING IN YOUR BONES. I THINK I WASN’T OVER MY X HUBBYM AND THEN FELL TO HARD FOR THIS NICK. IT MADE ME DEPRESSED, ISOLATED, LIKE MY HEART HAD BEEN STABBED IN MANY PIECES

            • Christine Woolf on June 7, 2018 at 4:58 pm

              ME TOO! ALL CAPS IS THE ONLY WAY TO DESCRIBE IT! HELL!



        • Faby on August 11, 2018 at 4:57 pm

          Wow I been looking ways to move on It was after 23 years plus 5 years dating so 28 all together with same Man
          2 time He cheated on me with different person He was so upset to be caught because I put a detective on him and find much more than I needed
          I been Divorced for almost 2 years and don’t know why it hurts so bad knowing He is moving on with the mistress I know Divorce was the right decision whoever I haven’t been able to heal myself still on procces that’s how I got here ..
          My kids one went to leave abroad few months ago and another teen that’s the one who keep me busy and going But it hurts oh Boy literally
          Any way good article and nice comment
          Love the one step at a time

      • Reboundee on August 10, 2016 at 6:03 am

        My boyfriend is coming our of a marriage that lasted 6 months and was arranged. They only knew eachother through skype. Their relationship was based on false, unrealistic dreams that crashed down to reality when they actually married and she moved in.

        When we met he had told me he had been divorced for 2 years. obviously no one wants to be a rebound. I still checked if he was over her and he said yes, I found out 3 months into the relationship i found out that the marriage is over but only will be finalised this month,

        Now that I know everything, all the depression and the feeling low, pushing me away, telling me he is nothing and i shouldn’t waste my time – all these feelings are coming out. On my side I keep fearing he will leave, even though there is no other girl.

        I love him a lot and we have been together for 5 months, He is the first guy I have truly given 110% too and it really hurts when he goes silent and even worse says hurtful things to transfer his pain and anger.

        He says he loves me, far more than I love him but he doesn’t know if he can ever love me like her, I know that his pain is to do with his self esteem, his ego, his worth and i wish i could take him out of this pain and get our lives back on track. I know he had dreams with her, but how can I show him he can have dreams again with someone else. The dreams with her were just dreams, they could never be reality coz she wasn’t committed to making it work.

        Please advise – I don’t wanna lose him, I don’t wanna be just a rebound, I don’t want to be a worthless person to him, that is nothing but a cushion to the blow to his non existent marriage. I wish he could open his eyes and see, it was a mistake on his parents part to find such a girl for him. I cant say she was bad, but she was just not right for him. A marriage is about mutual support, love, compromise, sacrifice and care.

        • brenda on September 9, 2016 at 11:44 pm

          I’m going through the same thing, I’m interested in hearing your answer. He said he loved me, was planning a future together then one day, he freaked out and became distant. Now he says there’s “no spark”. Well, there really can’t be when there is so much drama and he’s constantly talking about her,

          I honestly think he is my soul mate (we went to HS together, 30 years ago). I want to pur our relationship on “pause” until he finishes his divorce and becomes emotionally available for me/us.

          • Spitfire on March 22, 2017 at 10:00 am

            pausing is the only safe option. It’s also the option most likely to lead to you getting a real relationship with him, not just a rebound. In terms of timing, you are the rebound, in fact. All you can do now, is pause it, and check in later. If he dates others, it’s probably good b/c then he’ll have explored other options and you two can reconnect with you NOT being the rebound next time.

            • hotcorner26 on November 26, 2017 at 8:34 pm

              This is good advice. I just was the rebound guy. Saw her through a terrible ordeal where she had to be the rock for her family emotional, financial and keep the kids in a good space as their father went off to sex addiction clinic. Four months into the relationship and after meeting her kids several times the realization of her situation has hit home. She never had time to process the divorce and got sick(shingles). She was headed for a nervous breakdown and thus we are now on a pause button. It is very hard being on this side of the fence as been through a divorce and on better ground than when the divorce rattles your cage. From this side, My advice in the dating circle is to not date a girl who just has been through or going through a divorce unless you have the ability to detach the emotional side and just
              have fun. That shoe will fall on the other side and if you are the rebound you will share in the grieving process for her and you… It is hard to step back but I must step back and understand it wasnt my fault. The fault was in going after a woman who was not yet whole!!!



          • carol on June 2, 2017 at 11:46 am

            Interested in how that’s going now. Going through the same thing.

          • carol on June 2, 2017 at 11:55 am

            Did you date in high school?

        • Amy on January 2, 2017 at 3:24 pm

          You can’t fix someone or make someone happy, no matter how hard you try. Trust me, I did that with my ex-husband: 15 years, two children, financially stabled later and he’s still not happy. He has to be happy first BEFORE he can commit to you. Walk away….you deserve more.

          • Pietro on January 8, 2017 at 6:32 pm

            Tx Amy. I’m going through the same exact thing now.

        • Ellen on November 20, 2017 at 5:07 pm

          Let me warn you, if he goes silent or says hurtful things that is one thing but if he is displaying verbal abuse or emotional abuse get out now. I was in such a hurry to get married after my long term boyfriend split with me I ignored the signs. The verbal abuse got so bad. My self esteem went down the toilet and 2 years later we are divorcing from a marriage that should have never happened. I feel the over effects, I didn’t love this husband like he loved me which probably added to it all but he became so abusive. Try to think with your head and even tho your heart speaks loudly….you can save yourself a lot of pain.

      • Sara on November 29, 2017 at 4:22 pm

        I’m going through divorce right now. Thank you, Emma, for your article. I hope it will help me to find answers on many questions….

      • Mike Dukakis on July 12, 2018 at 8:14 am

        Great article on one aspect of the process. There are stages that are processed until you reach the final place of acceptance. In the case of a spouse/partner with a TBI (having experienced that personally when my spouse at the time of 19 years suffered a TBI) the person you knew and loved simply no longer exists. In some ways, understanding the person you married is effectively dead accelerates you toward acceptance. In my case, the TBI caused a drastic personality change but not overnight. I failed to force the treatment the doctors recommended early on thinking she would get better, she did not, when one area of the brain is damaged it impedes the natural communication pathways and when a neural pathway is blocked the brain does not find another way, it simply shuts down that pathway and corresponding messages. If the impacted tissue necrosis, the adjacent begins the process of necrosis. In my case, when our daughter showed her a picture of her holding my daughter in the air at age 2 and said “where is this mommy” my spouse looked my daughter and I in the eyes and said “she’s dead forever”. I stayed (for better or worse until death do us part) when the hoarding, cheating with men and women, lying, squandering money (I am in the top 1pct of wage earners in the US so not an issue financially, and abuse started I gave her options, get help or get out. When I discovered she turned her abuses to my daughter (physical and mental) there were zero options, she had to go. On to the process you discuss. There are 7.6 Billion people in the world, there is someone out there you don’t have to settle for in any aspect of your life, emotional, financial, mental, and physical. If you find yourself saying “I can live with that”, stop, breathe, and ask yourself one question, “do I deserve to have to settle”. I can tell you the answer is no. As for the pain of divorce, stop looking at your partner, regardless of what you believe they did or didn’t do and first find what YOU did that you could of or should’ve done differently. Look in the mirror first, own your mistakes in the demise of your marriage. If your spouse cheated, the act itself is obvious, try and learn why it happened if you can. Its very hard to hear sometimes but you need to know more of the “why” than every intimate detail of what they did. I’ve read hundreds of articles where the non cheating spouse demanded and its recommended for the cheater to reveal anything the other spouse wants to know. Who cares about the intimate details, it doesn’t change what they did, if you can for your own sanity find out why and accept what is said, true or not, it was reality for the cheater. As for post relationships, don’t have a serious one until you’ve resolved the relationship you are leaving and have reached a place of acceptance. You’ll know when you’ve reached acceptance and its a little different for all of us. Again, in the case of a TBI in my opinion its easier in some aspects because the person you loved isn’t gone, they’re dead. If you need help reaching acceptance get help from a counselor. I consider myself blessed as I found someone that I compromise zero, nothing, in any aspect, mental, emotional, sexually, physically….etc and my life and successes in life with that type of partner have increased ten fold. Don’t force the issue, no matter how unbearable things may seem during the process remind yourself its a process, not an event, going through divorce and you cannot rush it or jump to the happy ending and skip the steps to acceptance. I promise you will reach acceptance one day and be that much more happier when you do……a word of caution, don’t be the painful memory in someone else’s life. If you decide to date early on during a divorce, a couple of things you should never do….1. Keep any drama you’ve allowed to linger by way of your ex to yourself. If the date opens the door you can speak about them, but leave the drama between you and your ex. 2. Take stock of what you learn about yourself through the process daily. Get a journal and write it down with focus on the positives, you’ll be less inclined to burden a date with your drama. 3. Acknowledge you contributed to the demise of your marriage/relationship and own your part in it regardless of what they other person did and work to change what you can about you. 4. Breathe, exercise, eat right, and take care of you…..there is no one on the planet cares more about you than you. Be good to yourself.

        • Mike Dukakis on July 12, 2018 at 9:01 am

          One more very important thing to consider, one size does not fit all on this subject. We have all read articles like this one and professional publications on the subject that outline the various stages of the process, some of which are mentioned here in the comments. Grief, mourning, anger, etc. but at least I found the descriptions of those stages never quite fit me or my situation 100%. If you are searching for that kind of answer, stop, you won’t find it and therefore have to define the stages yourself. Find an outline of the stages you identify with and write them down but define what they mean to you personally with your own definitions. For me I learned that I was not mourning the loss of the person but rather what I thought the person represented. And as you’ve probable guessed, I used that definition to define one area I was looking for in a partner. Its true that there are no winners in divorce, just degrees of loss, but it doesn’t have to be all about loss. You can use the experience to learn about yourself and prepare a road map to finding the right person who I promise you is out there but you have to be the best you possible to find the right person. There simply are no shortcuts, like anything else in life you have to work for your happiness……and know you deserve it. One of the stages you’ll read about is forgiveness. That seemed impossible for me, I planned to be with my spouse my entire life, early on I said forgiveness, no way. However, I truly forgave her, but couldn’t until I accepted my role and forgave myself. We are our own worst enemies at times, especially when it comes to critiquing our own mistakes, get professional counseling help to work your way through this process. The kind of pain were talking about here can be healthy if you are learning about yourself and what you truly want from life and a spouse. Good luck to all of you, I hope you find the best you and all life happy, healthy, and wealthy lives in love.

          • Danielle Martell on September 10, 2018 at 3:16 am

            Mike you are so self aware. I’m at this point recognizing my downfalls my the regrets on wishing I’ve done things differently. I’m no way minimizing what you been through but I’m trying to grasp soild ground and sound advice on where to turn what and how do I pick myself up by my boot straps when you’ve been 87% abandoned by everyone in your life? I grew up as an only child. My parents divorced horribly my highly emotionally unstable mother provided for me sorta speak but did not teach me the basic fundamentals to live in a healthy life. Headstrong and determined to never put my children through divorce I truly believed that my partner and I were the exception. I was soooo naively wrong. And everyone that I’ve loved turned on me and made me into thier emotional punch bag from my ex who finally left me for a woman he cheated on me with in the early stages of our relationship. I found out I was the dumb bitch in the room who was the only one not to know about his other infidels. His daughter that I raised full time turned on me even had cps investigate me once. His whole family turned on me as we partook in family holidays with his side because they were the active grandparents and mine never stepped up in a healthy manner as active grandparents. Toxic as I grew up from wrong side of the tracks. I would buy presents and put their names on them as gifts from them. My ex not only left me for another woman in a very cruel and demanding way couple months after my son was born he began picking me apart him and my mom became close as she and him would talk about how bad I was. She helped him go through his bankruptcy then left me hanging in the wind as she had her hand in helping me mess up myself financially which I uncovered among many things about my mother I’ve uncovered over these last 3 years. He had an unusual sex addiction which I don’t get into but I think stemming from that is why he cheated as much as he did and I’m still unclear what happened between him and my best friend him and my mother and god know who else he won’t fess up about. To my mother having him move in with her as his girlfriend came in and out. I feel betrayed by everyone I’ve ever cared for and realizing beyond the involvement of some of these friends and family I’ve cut most contact off because of thier toxic behaviors and what they bring to my life……so I’m left with 1 person in my life who has shed some enlightenment and I love him we are close but not as close as I’d like a father and daughter should be. But he offers no wisdom or advice to the right path to a better life in which I’ve surpassed both him and my mother in life once with my ex as he is an aging old man who deals drugs as his means of supporting himself and it’s a very low level way of life. I love him accept him as he is but to has not taught me fundamentals to basic living. The only reason why I was able to sort of wing it with my own family was determination to give my kids better than I had it. So I drug my ex and I across the tracks and showed him we were better than that kind of life and together we built a decent 2 income life. We squandered it once we got there though and I ended up having my own affair not knowing about all his and when I came bavk home I changed my ways regretted taking my family for granted and really tried to make things right. I ate a lot of shit and took shit I probably shouldn’t have but felt so guilty and ashamed that I did. So when he left me 5 years later his counter basically was always the affair but I never was cruel in the way he flaunted and intentionally tried to hurt me. And because I didn’t want to put my children through a bitter he’ll I too ate so much shit from everyone who sided with my ex we both agreed we’d be amicable which I kept holding him to that even while it destroyed my entire life and well being and knocked me so far on my ass I didn’t even know who I was. All while freaking out about finacially being able to keep the rental house I found us after we sold our house to keep my kids in best public school in this county and only home my son who was 2 delvopled separation anxiety it was the only house has ever known. Got a roommate who resembled Kathy Bates in misery tried to sabotage and threaten to take my house out from underneath me all in the middle of a rental crisis kicking into high gear. I was finally about to establish child support through the system but otherwise his girlfriend throwing out every roadblock to the up logistical ends to a relationship you were in half your life we were able to honor our agreements and keep child custody our of courts. Through this I got together with someone I’ve uncovered to be what is seen my vebatem a text book covert narcissist. It took me a year to figure out what was so off because he was good with my kids seem to love me and put me on this pedastool which felt great till he slowly started to puck me apart and conversations were nothing I’d experienced before. Realizing and acknowledging I have emotional deregulation issue it was used as a look at you getting so mad your crazy. I’ve been on this rollercoaster of off and on for almost 3 years now. Add my ex where I’m truly still devastated by the breakup of my family tells me he still loves me and wishes we could get bavk together but I refuse to be settled for and know if he really wanted me back he’d do everything in his power to make things right. I know him to well and know that it’s too much work than he’s willing to put the effort in to doing so. I’m finacially barely hanging in there even with child support and so state funded therapy is a joke as it only pays for minimal counseling a month and I can’t find someone who offers more than a hour bitch session every other month. It does nothing. I am completely lost with know one to show me or teach me or even wants to. I don’t know what I’m doing other than squandering in the land of mind fuckery and it’s getting to me even though I’m able to see and recognize some of these mental destructive patterns of manipulation. I’m scared to become homeless making life worse for my kids which I think subconsciously is why I think I love this man I’ve involved myself with but know tjis isn’t right or healthy for me to be in but feel I love him because I would miss him and he does make life bareable and comfortable for my kids life with a little bit of stability. But I’m down in the depths questioning is it me even though I see the manipulation? Do I love him because I love him? Or do I love him because I need him? I’m so ready to give up because I can’t see where I’m suppose to go or what I need to do to get out of this dark bog of shit and mind fuckery…….. And how do I do it without screwing up my kids cause this is onebmetal Olympic torch I content to pass on down to my kids….

        • Connie on August 2, 2018 at 2:21 pm

          Thank You for posting this needed to hear this. I was married to Ruben 13 years it was a horrible domestic violence ending, he was great as long as he didn’t drink. We divorced stayed away from each other 3 years and got back together stayed another 3 years and I ended it 1 1/2 ago, we would see each other every now and then mind you he is already living with another woman but we couldnt resist not touching each other at the least one a week. I am stuck at the fact that we built so much together and now he is gone and Im all alone, i dated another man but ended it due to no chemistry between us, I am ok throughout the day but once night comes I feel so lonely and break down. He had not called me in the past two months after he bumped in to me and my friend but just last night he called to please come see him and we ended up in a hotel room all over each other and today I feel like crap. Iv tried my best to get him out my system and he continues to be there exactly how he feels about me, we just dont get along. I was raised in a loving home he comes from a broken home and we never see eye to eye on nothing. He wants to lead the home but I dont trust that he can take the lead 100% and that is what angers him. Stuck …HELP!

    • Rhett on January 30, 2016 at 11:03 am

      I just went thru this with my gf. It seems as though this article is condoning a post divorce breakup. That it is somehow part of a healing process to hurt someone. That it’s ok to use someone as long as it helps you in your pissy divorce blues.

      • Rhett on January 30, 2016 at 11:07 am

        Post divorce blues. This is not acceptable. I asked my gf when we started dating to take some time. She said no that she was ok. The weekend she finally moved her husband out she texted me and said i need space. I was used. Used in the sense of getting calls and texts crying and emotional daily. I was good enough to get her thru the healing process and then cast aside with a text of i need space and it’s not you it’s me. Just a perspective from the other side.

        • mamacansada on January 31, 2016 at 8:13 am

          This just happended to me. I was there for him fvery step of the way…he said he was ready. But now his divorce is final he needs space. I too feel used.

          • Matt on March 7, 2016 at 3:10 pm

            I agree with you both. Rebounds have feelings too. I’m a guy and this just happened to me as well. I met a girl when she was legally separated, we then dated for about 3 months. We are both around 30 years old. She was married to this other guy for 4 years, but together with him through college and early adulthood, all together with him for around 10 years. She had asked for the divorce from her husband, she acted like she was ready for a new relationship and I naively thought she was, especially because it was her who ended her marriage. I thought she and I were extremely compatible, we never fought, we were exclusive bf/gf, similar social status, lots of mutual friends, etc. Well, around 2 months into our relationship her divorce was finalized and a few weeks after that her attitude towards our relationship completely flipped for no apparent reason and she just dumped me (over the phone, not very respectful imo). Now I’m heartbroken because I saw a real future with her in my life and she just crapped all over it. I guess it turns out I was just a muse and I was completely used to get her over the divorce hump. But this has been really hard for me to deal with so please keep the thoughts and feelings of your rebound in mind also. Also, it is SO CONFUSING to be dumped without cause and really prolongs the closure process for the other person, so if you cared about them the slightest, please keep that in mind. I’m still hanging on to the idea that it was bad timing due to her divorce and that she and I will reunite when she is ready, but deep down I know this too is naive. As Rhett noted, just another perspective from the other side.

            • Corey on June 23, 2016 at 2:51 pm

              First of all, as a man, you should not have placed yourself in that position. I was married for 10 years and just got my divorced. She started it and I finished it by lodging the decree. She has worked with some guy she knew for 5 years and started dating him before our divorce was even finalized. As a man, you should know not to even get involved with a still married woman, not matter how long she is separated. To actually sit here and expect people to have grief for you is a damn joke. You should have respected both parties to a point where if you really cared about this woman, you would let her heal in her own way. Laying down in bed and cooking together don’t mean shit. So, if you were the rebound, stop complaining. I know I would never involve myself with a woman who is going through a divorce and its not even final. Even when it is final, that woman is still wounded. You deserve every thing you got and should not have expected any more. That’s the problem with society, no one respects marriage and all that it entails.



            • LcL on July 24, 2016 at 8:35 pm

              I know exactly how you feel. I ended things with a recently divorced man today. He was amazing and treated me with a lot of respect and always told me he knew he was being unfair to be there through all the pain he is going through but today after trying to end it two other times. I finally needed to stop because I was starting to have feelings that I knew he wasn’t ready for. He after I tried to end it the first time told me I was being unfair to him because I was letting him tell me what he wanted and said he wanted me and to try to have a relationship. I agreed to try to have my feelings hurt three days later with the it’s not you..it’s me text. I have cried all day over this but I know I cannot take away his pain and if he really does care for me he will heal and we can try again but I can’t risk being some back up plan or used because he doesn’t want to be alone. I’m so hurt this will only end badly. Time to let go.



            • Kay on July 24, 2016 at 11:56 pm

              I had been friends with a man after his divorce was finalized. He would hold me and we would talk. He would call at night, and we would pray together. After 8
              Months of this, I asked him if we’d ever be dating. He completely shut me out of his life. It still hurts. He used me, and I had truly believed him to be sincere about caring about me. What bothers me the most is he pretended to be sober be he’s not: a Christian man who truly follows God. I continue to pray for him. I honestly don’t know what else to do.



            • BA on December 13, 2016 at 2:56 pm

              i am so in agreement with you the moment you suddenly realise you have been the transitional entertainments officer your emotions self esteem logic takes a severe beating one year one from a relationship i still find myself asking why would someone be so mean and hurtful to someone who cared spare a thought for those left to pick up the shattered pieces



          • Ellen on November 20, 2017 at 5:11 pm

            Honestly people getting divorced have no idea of what they are doing. Widowers are worse. Watch the actions. Some folks are ready for relationships immediately but most are not. If they are still talking a lot about the spouse, that is a pretty good indication they are not emotionally ready.

        • Teresa on April 14, 2016 at 12:41 am

          I left my husband of 33 years due to no affection or months of no love making. He locked me out of the bathroom every time he showered and always wiped off my kisses. When I asked him if he loved me he asked why? I asked myself why did I marry him. He wasn’t affectionate from the very beginning. This went on for years. I finally went on dating sites looking for Mr. Right. Then 1 day I get a friend’s request from a classmate who says he hasloved me for so long. Since high school. I was in shock. We met. The 1st meet did not go well. And I ended up giving him r dear johns. Meanwhile I’m still living with my husband even after 3 camping trips. I got tired of hiding it so I finally told him. He was devastated. But he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. We’re now divorced and so is my boyfriend. Whom I adore. He wants to marry me but I’m scared of another failed marriage.

          • Annette on February 10, 2017 at 2:23 pm

            Take your time and don’t let fear rob you of possibly the love of your life!

        • Susie on February 4, 2017 at 9:11 pm

          Thank god for this article. I am going through a divorce, initiated by me. Awful marriage, can’t wait to be finished. I feel like I’m ready to move on and grab some happiness and did start seeing someone. We started as friends and have known each other a year. He is 5 years post divorce. We had an amazing connection, starting as friends, progressed to more… and then after a particularly fabulous day together I sensed him pulling away. It left me so confused but I finally got it out of him that HE didn’t want to be the rebound guy, or cause trouble during my divorce proceedings. And it hurts like hell. And he’s right. I FEEL like I’m ready but clearly based on these posts I still have a ton of shit to mire through with my feelings and will need to take some time. I’m sad, I wish I hadn’t gotten involved yet because I really like him and the timing is all wrong. I see him 2-3 times a week, we workout together with other friends so I have to grit my teeth, suck it up, wish him the best (which I did) and keep on keeping on. But damn. I miss him.

          • Belle on May 31, 2018 at 11:58 am

            Omg… your post hit me and has given me the strength to say goodbye to someone I care about very much. Today, my divorce will be finalized and post filing, I started a relationship with a man I knew in college and frankly had been in love with all my life. We spent 3 magical weekends weekends together and we both decided to end it two weeks ago in order for us both to not get hurt. I have had a hell of a time getting over the loss… my friendship, the amazing connection, etc. You have inspired me to grin and bear it. He lives in VA and I am in TX so distance is a good thing. I just want the goddamn pain to go away. He set the bar high.

          • Kong on June 5, 2018 at 2:43 am

            I just got divorced myself and had the ex move in with his gf in my home 10 days after the divorce was finalized so he can get back on his feet. Then 3 days later I asked them to move out as it was not comfortable for our children. I figured we could help each other financially. Instead it backfired. I still am very insecure and the guy I started dating 2 months prior to my divorce getting finalized got so annoyed as I was caught lying about my finances and my insecurity level got higher. I wish I hadnt dated yet because I really like this guy. He even fell in love with me and I just lost him. I need to learn how to regain my confidence and how to communicate. Broke and broken up- I almost feel like giving up but I have to be strong for my children.

        • lou on May 30, 2018 at 6:06 am

          I’m going through this right now. We talked many times about timing and having at least 6 months post-split to heal. but he wanted to keep seeing me and talking every day. But this weekend he slipped into a dark place and pulled the rug from under me. I got upset and felt used and abandoned, why are my feelings less important. by me getting upset he decided to end it which made me panic and beg. 2 days later I am wondering how did I lose my self-esteem and worth during his divorce. The next day I apologized for putting pressure on and not keeping myself together, but he is still not talking to me. HELP

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 2:54 am

      I met a great woman after my divorce
      We told each other no games and total honesty
      When we both decided it wasn’t working we stayed friends
      We live 400 miles apart and that was one reason we decided to call it quits
      We both still love each other and talk on the phone everyday
      She is amazing and I hope she finds love

    • corina on March 7, 2016 at 1:41 am

      I agree! !

    • Anne on July 10, 2016 at 8:32 am

      yes that is true 100% sure, he help my best friend too sandra

    • Iris on August 19, 2016 at 7:50 am

      I totally agree..

    • joseph on December 13, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      Revenge Your Ex

      Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
      variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
      Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
      vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like “Get Revenge On Your Ex”
      for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

      So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
      nude photos of her and so on.

      The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
      life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
      past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
      enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
      that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
      them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It’s much
      better to show you are indifferent and don’t care.

      According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
      helping men find young beautiful foreign women, “The best revenge is to date
      or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
      end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
      woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
      or more successful.

      I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
      Russia.” says Agee, “The client told me that two days on our tour was better
      than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
      you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

      I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
      a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
      that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
      thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
      with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
      pounds. I don’t look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
      who saved me from my ex and years of suffering.” This is the best a revenge
      when you win without lowering yourself.

      Other sites like “Get Over Her Now” give practical advice and tips for
      getting over a past relationship.

      Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

      Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
      young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
      game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
      opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
      environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

      Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

      Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
      confidence.

      Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don’t let a break up effect
      your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
      with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
      and help attract better quality women.

      Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
      depressed, don’t sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
      something that will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Take a
      class, go hiking, fix something you’ve been putting off.

      Don’t start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
      life. Don’t drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
      one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
      something, don’t drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
      someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

      Don’t sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
      can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
      up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
      depressed.

      Don’t binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
      and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
      attracted to.

      Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
      realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
      someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
      seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!

    • joseph on February 6, 2017 at 11:36 pm

      Revenge Your Ex
      Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on. Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like “Get Revenge On Your Ex” for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.
      So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting nude photos of her and so on.
      The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
      life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers, past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It’s much better to show you are indifferent and don’t care.

      According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes helping men find young beautiful foreign women, “The best revenge is to date or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier or more successful.

      I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
      Russia.” says Agee, “The client told me that two days on our tour was better than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.
      I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100 pounds. I don’t look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person who saved me from my ex and years of suffering.” This is the best a revenge when you win without lowering yourself. Other sites like “Get Over Her Now” give practical advice and tips for getting over a past relationship.
      Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:
      Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old, young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
      opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
      environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.
      Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise. Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your confidence.
      Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don’t let a break up effect your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence and help attract better quality women.
      Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel depressed, don’t sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do something that will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Take a class, go hiking, fix something you’ve been putting off.

      Don’t start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your life. Don’t drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating something, don’t drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.
      Don’t sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be depressed.

      Don’t binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
      and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
      attracted to.

      Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!

    • Katie on July 12, 2017 at 7:20 pm

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    • bradly on October 23, 2017 at 10:51 pm

      After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (MARVINLOVESPLL011@GMAIL.COM} wassap.+2348153052125) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

    • ranng on November 7, 2017 at 4:31 am

      oh shut up ! That’s pure rubbish.

    • ranng on November 7, 2017 at 4:32 am

      nulldhit

    • Tara Gilbert on February 16, 2018 at 2:07 pm

      Actually my first relationship after divorce (which lasted two years) was the easiest one to get over! I was bummed for a half hour at most. Then I realized I could actually date after 12 years of being on lockdown. Best time ever.

    • Robert on October 30, 2018 at 2:45 pm

      I’m still looking for the Divorced Woman who says;

      1) I was my Husband’s Best Friend;

      2) I ALWAYS fed my Husband and more importantly;

      3) WE ALWAYS MAKE IT A PRIORITY TO SEXUALLY SATISFY EACH OTHER SEXUALLY EVEN AFTER ARGUMENTS.

      But then again, I should look to capture a Unicorn or just take up the hobby of “Herding Cats”

  2. Pamlet on August 1, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Oh wow, Emma. You just NAILED it with this post. Really helped me see the demise of my post divorce break up in a whole new light. Thank you!

    • Emma on August 1, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      Glad that was helpful — I had to really think on that one to figure it out myself.,..

  3. Louise Sloan on August 2, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    You really did nail it. I’m not divorced (due to having never been married), but I had this happen to me–an intense reaction to the breakup of a shorter relationship that was really about ongoing pain over the breakup of a longer and more intertwined one.

  4. Katie on August 6, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Great, great post. You make some really insightful points — especially about all of the practical and logistical problems during and after divorce that can keep you from really coming to terms with the loss of love.

    • Emma on August 7, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      Thanks for appreciating that, Katie. I really had to sit on that topic a long time before I figured it out.

  5. Eve in Silver Spring on August 7, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Totally agree, and I’ve been through it. In fact, I view these post-divorce things, for now, mainly as a learning experience. Here’s hoping one of them will actually be more, and for now I’m still willing to subject myself to them!

    • Emma on August 7, 2013 at 8:57 pm

      Love that you see them as learning experiences — so important! I have learned so much through dating over the past few years. And I’ve had a lot of fun in the process. Keep us posted!

  6. Simon on December 17, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Oh wow, what a cleverly written and uncomfortably accurate read. I agree with you 100% and would love to share this with my ex wife – who after 10 years of dating and 3 years of marriage, has gotten engaged 6 months after our divorce. Can’t say that I’m not secretly waiting for the inevitable…

    Love your work Emma.

    • Emma on December 18, 2013 at 8:02 am

      Thanks Simon — yeah, lots of stories like that. There are always those cases where people get very happily remarried quickly, but the stats suggest it is better to be safe than sorry.

  7. Sarah on January 10, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Hi Emma,

    Well said! I don’t know whether it is normal or not, but for me i have somehow changed in the relationship i had post divorce. I became more edgy, easily to get angry and cant tolerate any wrong doings from this guy. What you said is so true about living our lifes seperately and i found myself most of the times wishing that i am in a marriage still. I could not feel any happiness at all. I guess i am still mourning over my divorce. Anyway, thank you for the article. It shed some lights on what is happening to me right now.

    • Emma on January 10, 2014 at 10:56 am

      Thanks Sarah – Your experience is a common one. Hang in there and good for you for being aware of where you are in your process.

    • GP on November 12, 2015 at 5:22 pm

      This really sums up how my ex was with me. I had a relationship with a divorced woman who had a child and was older (she is now 35 and I am 30). We lived pretty separate lives but were together all the time and slowly moving in together (into her place – I was staying over 4 nights a week or so and had moved clothes in etc.) and I was becoming a father figure to her child. She was very busy with work in the first year and a bit and I made a lot of compromises with my time as I was starting a business and it was slow in the beginning. Once my business started I got very busy and she switched jobs and had much more free time. I wanted to move slow to move in “officially” and rent my condo out so I could contribute and the child would see me as a father figure before getting married etc (was planning to ask her to marry me next year). We reached close to the 2 year mark and she became more and more hostile and passive aggressive with me about things that I just could not understand logically. It had happened after the 6th month mark but was a weekly occurance now. She soon after her 35th birthday she broke up with me saying that I didn’t love her and we didn’t have a deep connection. This was at the point when I felt like we were getting closest fast even though I felt a lot of pressure. Any advice on what might have happened to me would be greatly appreciated, Emma.

  8. Jon on January 19, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you Emma,
    Indeed a difficult read, having seemingly ended a post divorce relationship and feeling broken. I ended as something wasn’t right and certainly not their fault. I fear that I have damaged someone very loving through my unresolved issues. Poor girl. I wish I’d waited and meet her now and not then. Much like Sarah I seem less willing to accept and anything that even slightly wasn’t what I would do I blew out of all proportion.
    I think that having children changes ones thoughts, for me it added “”what if” worries about the relationship which was paralysing.
    I think it’s time to try and learn to not be afraid about being by myself and to live and enjoy what one has and not worry about what one hasn’t. Easier said than done…
    Thank you for the article.

  9. Jane on June 5, 2014 at 1:20 am

    Thanks for all the insights. I’m just divorced and have met someone I really like, who is also just divorced. I know full well that engaging in a relationship would be text book rebound. We chat constantly, have shared very intimate details, are questionable compatible, and yet I feel like a dopamine junkie the way I am compelled to be involved with him. He has become one of my closest friends in less than a week! He is the sweetest man I’ve ever met and because of that I’m extremely conflicted. I don’t want either of us to get hurt again. But right now we are both enjoying the support and companionship. It seems impossible to break it off. I’m glad to know there are others out there that have gone through this. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

    • Emma on June 5, 2014 at 11:40 am

      Sounds like you are having a wonderful time – so enjoy! I would only advise caution in signing on to something long-term until you know him much better over at least a couple years (but you knew that :) ) Remember: you are meeting him during one of the most crisis-fueled, insane moments of his life. He will be a different man in a year. Perspective.

  10. misslady on July 4, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    I have been seeing a man since my divorce, a bit before actually. Its been 2 years now and we have only introduced one of our children to each other recently but each of our 3 kids are aware of the other person we are seeing. We see each other when we don’t have our kids and enjoy each other very much. I just have a hard time being alone without him and feel we could start intergrating our life’s with kids slowly. But I am scared and don’t want to hurt the kids, but am also ready because I have been talkining freely about my new man and feel they are ready to meet him and be around him, maybe have him be here when they are here sometimes. He seems reluctant to do that and it leaves me wondering whee “we” are going with this relationship. Any advice?

    • Heather on July 7, 2015 at 1:14 am

      Miss Lady. How did your relationship turn out? I’m in the same position as you were last year and often wonder if and how to integrate our lives with kids?

  11. Lily on July 28, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    I have not ever heard this perspective before, but it resonates with me. Just broke up with my first serious boyfriend after the long-term marriage ended. We fell head over heels and both of us ignored a few red flags, but I came to my senses after two years with him. I am so glad I did not marry him! The breakup was very painful even though I broke up with him. Thank you for helping me understand what happened.

  12. Sunny on August 1, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    After the struggle of adjusting to a “new normal” for my kids and I, it’s left me very little time and desire to grieve the loss of the man I married. It took me a while to realize I had transferred much of my unresolved feelings to the ending of a 2 month rebound relationship. This realization has allowed me to let go of the rebound relationship and focus more on grieving the loss of a 20 year marriage.
    Thank you for saying what many of us have experienced.

    • Emma on August 1, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      Sunny, thanks so much for this. If you read the comments it appears this is such a common experience. Best wishes to you xo

  13. Taylor on August 18, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    I must say that having gone through or going through a divorce (which is at its last stage) and going though a break up has really opened up some old wounds from my marriage. being in this relationship has taught me not to be too sure of love. there are always some tiny holes and through these holes seep disappointment, mistrust, or some other thing that can throw you off your path to happiness. Rebound relationships are veeery powerful. I somehow think im hurting more now in this situation rather than in the situation of losing my husband. (had no kids with either)

    • Emma on August 19, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      Yes, Taylor – read the comments. It is such a common experience to work through grief of a marriage through the post-divorce breakup. I’m sorry your suffering, but I am here to tell you that it gets better. It does. HUGS.

  14. Cindi on September 11, 2014 at 12:34 am

    I was divorced 4 years before I started a relationship that moved quickly on “his” end. He was divorced 1 year and had a 6 month relationship prior to me. He was very interested in making future plans with me, meeting my kids, traveling together, said after two months he said he was growing in love with me. My responsibility to my kids made any extended plans difficult. He had kids in another state and traveled often on weekends to see them. Currently we are breaking up (second time) because we don’t have spend enough time together and he feels pressure from me for him to commit to certain weekends. I am so heartbroken, even though I realize it’s a difficult scenario in which to succeed. I keep thinking, what if he is/was “the one” that I will always wish I stuck around for?

    • Daniel J. on November 8, 2014 at 3:06 am

      I can sympathise with the “what if she was the one”… I’ve just come through something similar in terms of both of us only recently coming out of divorce. The two of us individually were perfect for each other (“yeah yeah sure” – I assure you, warts and all, we both were exactly the person the other had been looking for all our lives), the problem was that the baggage and the circumstances around us sabotaged it. Difference is that I am the one with the kids from a long-term marriage (if only I’d listened to the warning signs in my own head before I married!). I hadn’t gotten the baggage all dealt with (just feelings of guilt about abandoning that past life). I think too both of us didn’t have the space to be alone and truly leave the past behind. It is now 2 weeks since parting (permanently, there were little ‘separations’ leading up to it) and although I know she was “the one”, the universe unfortunately introducing us to each other at the wrong time. Anyway Cindi, I see something similar in your story: No matter how perfect the two of you would be if it was just you and him in a bubble with no one else in it, the reality is there are your children too. So maybe in an alternate universe he is “the one”, but sorry my dear (and I’d give you a bug hug if I could, I know this is hard) you just have to accept he isn’t “the one” in this universe. Breaking up a 2nd time is surely confirms that this relationship isn’t going to work. You really do need to move on, work on being ok with being alone and with yourself, and let the rest of your life happen without you forcing it. Sincerely, many hugs.

  15. Bradley on October 26, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    Emma-

    Thanks for this article. I came across because I believe, though she denies it, the rebound for someone who was a client/friend of mine at the gym. She told me a couple of months before she moved out of her marital house that I had shown her there are nice guys out there (her husband, as is her father, was controlling). When she finally moved out of the house we talked about dating, but I told her she needed time. She was always around, so I never lost contact. She eventually told me she had a date, and I got this feeling of stupidity, she is an amazing person, so we started dating. A year later, she was divorced, new house, new career (after not working for 14 years) and a schedule she could not maintain and have a boyfriend. Plus there was guilt for the kids, not too mention the ex putting thoughts in their heads that mom should not date, as well as her father telling her the same. Anyway, one day she just lost it. Two hours after a normal weekend together, she called me said she couldn’t do this right now. She claims I am not a rebound, but she no longer knows how she feels about anything. Our friendship was strong, but other than saying there is still an attraction and value to our friendship, she is not sure if she is done with us, needs time and then will want to continue. She is just numb. While I understand this was not anything to do with me/us, as we had a great relationship, I just do not know if there is such a thing in going back if I am indeed a rebound. This was her second marriage and had only been alone a combined total of 6 months (over two periods) in her life – and almost always to controlling men. What will it take for her to even know if she is capable of dating? In fairness in the two months this has gone on, she has only been out (without the kids) socially twice.

    Thank you.

  16. Tiffany on November 8, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Wow! I’m glad I found this, and you are so insightful of he very things I’m experiencing right now. I too met a man who I connected with. We had a 4 month secret relationship because my divorce is not “final” legally. The fling ended and I feel like total crap. I still like this man, but can’t figure out why. I secretly hope that he’s waiting for my divorce to be final and he’ll come back to ask me out on a public date. I’m not holding my breath, but this gives me a kick in the gut that my emotions are completely off balance with this man. Thanks for so eloquently articulating exactly what I’m feeling and why. Good stuff!

  17. Elena on November 16, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I am passing for the same situation now. I have been separated for 6 months, after a 7 years of marriage. I can say my marriage was never perfect and after working 7 years, I decided to ended. We got married since I got pregnant and we were very well at that time but everything changed when we got married. It was a sick relationship.
    Just when I moved out I met a divorced guy. We got connected and after few playdates with our daughters (my daughter and his twin girls studied in the same school), we started to date only us. At the beginning everything was so great, we enjoyed time together but I got to much attached to him and he noticed that; although he told me that he still has some pains from his second divorce. Therefore, he started to be away from me and it was so painful for me. We still communicate through phone, emails or text messages but I think all the magic was gone and I feel so bad. Glad that it is a normal process. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

  18. sage on November 21, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Wow. I can relate to just about everything in this article. I found this article today after a woman that I went on a couple of dates with told me that she was “weirded-out” by the recentness of my divorce and that she thought that we should “chill.”

    First I tried to play it real cool and I just texted her a simple “Damn. Ok.” Of course, an hour or two later, I came back with a lengthier text wanting more of an explanation while denying that I was rebounding. Then I kind of started reading things on the internet and realized that I was actually totally rebounding. I guess that I should thank her for helping me gain some self awareness.

    I know I’m rebounding because in retrospect, even in the short month of knowing this woman, my otherwise fairly happy and optimistic attitude would be totally disrupted when I would feel totally anxious and desperate to have her respond to my texts. Waiting could just feel like a burning torture of anxiety. I thought that I was playing those feelings off well, but I guess that I was kind of wrong. I guess that taking her out to karaoke and singing heart-wrenching country breakup songs that more or less described my situation to a tee may not have been the most tactful way to make her feel safe around me, lol!

    Damn she was hot though, and of course I could barely stop my mind from engaging in all sorts of fantasies of what types of places we could go see together etc…Jeez. Here I am, a six foot four, 220 pound man, singing break up songs in public and fantasizing like a giddy teenage girl who just saw a Justin Timberlake picture. I feel so ridiculous.

    I guess that when I finally do find a more serious relationship, it is going to really suck when/if it ends. I am definitely primed for feeling incredibly intoxicated by just about any beautiful and interesting woman who shows the slightest amount of interest in me. I’m a smart enough guy, but I really crave this intoxication – I just need the touch, the compliments, the engaged conversations. I feel like life sucks without all of this, especially since I’ve had a little taste. My ex didn’t even like making out with me, so it feels ridiculously good when someone else does…I know it’s crazy, but I am so hungry!

    Anyway, I just wanted to comment here because I am basically a total disaster and it seems like there are some people here who can relate :)

    • Emma on November 21, 2014 at 8:25 am

      thanks for sharing — this post really seems to resonate with people. Such a human experience, and need. hang in there!

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 3:02 am

      Wow great story
      I too met a woman after my divorce and she was wonderful
      We both decided to call it quits but we have become terrific friends
      We both love each other and are good friends
      Good luck and hell in jealous
      I wish I had your height

    • Jamie on February 22, 2016 at 8:12 am

      Wow! Yes. The intoxication. It isn’t even about the other person at all. I felt the same way about a friend. Someone who should have been platonic by all means, because our lives are incompatible. We were great friends and we ruined it because we were attracted to each other. Your whole post really hits home. It wasn’t about the girl, it was about how you felt about you. Your self esteem needed a boost and you wanted it badly, same here. I totally relate.

      • Emma on February 24, 2016 at 6:11 am

        Very true, what you wrote – and I would apply that to any relationship.

    • Puffy on June 28, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      Wow. Even though your post is from almost 2 years ago, I have to comment. More than the original article itself, I relate to almost every single thing you mention! The teenager-y infatuation, the “hunger” for what I was missing in my marriage, the impatience in receiving texts. I appreciate your insight and so grateful I came across this article and your comment today. Thank you and I hope you’re well.

      • Emma on July 3, 2016 at 10:54 am

        Glad it resonated :)

    • yvonne on September 9, 2016 at 12:12 am

      You exactly described how I was with my rebound relationship. I was married 23 years. I thought I had grieved my marriage lo g before it ended but when I got involved with someone new it was intoxicating….and when it ended it was torture. That was 4 years ago and it still hurts. I became so obsessed with him and although I have had one other relationship after I still grieve for him. It’s weird I feel nothing for my ex husband but this other man I still have not emotionally been able to let him go. I wish I hadent met him when I did. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I didn’t know it.

  19. Mike on February 18, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    This was a really good article but i guess my hurt comes from the fact that my first relationship after divorce became someone i love and care for immensely & deeply. Even now after 2 years, everything we do involves trust, communication, love, laughter, and all those wonderful things. We just get one another. i think where i am tripping up is how do you move on with that……she has 2 boys and i have 3 boys. And i just cant see them at all ever getting along and “blending”. so while some rebounds dont work, i guess i am the lucky one but i just dont know what comes first in this….my love and my life and move on with this amazing woman or put my children first and their needs and move on? These are the hard questions that post divorce never address and i am so confused. any help will be so awesome. Thanks

    • Emma on February 19, 2015 at 8:22 am

      Do I understand you are at a crossroads because there are some challenges blending families – do you break up or not? Of course I don’t know any details but you may want to read some of my thoughts on putting your romantic relationship above your kids. That is good for children and parents alike. Kids grow up and leave, after all.

      • Mike on February 19, 2015 at 11:03 am

        Thanks Emma – your site is actually very helpful even for me as a single dad. I appreciate your reply. you certainly pointed out such great things in dating that once scared the hell out of me & now I’m like, yeah I am doing it right!! thanks

      • Celine on June 16, 2016 at 1:34 am

        “my thoughts on putting your romantic relationship above your kids. That is good for children and parents alike. Kids grow up and leave, after all.”

        Totally agree with you on this, Emma!

        • Emma on June 17, 2016 at 8:59 am

          thanks!

  20. Anna on March 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Thank you for the post, it is all so true. 5 months after leaving my toxic marriage I began a 6 month relationship with a wonderful man. He was the opposite of my ex in so many ways. I was sure he was “the one.” I fantasized about him proposing, feeling that I would be the luckiest woman in the world.
    I realize now I was trying to pick up where my dreams of my marriage had left off. I was so eager not to hurt or be alone I rushed emotionally and physically with the rebound man. It’s very hard, after being married twice, to just “date” someone you are falling in love with. I expected him to desire me as a life partner as my husbands had. Knowing this “dating” can end with a phone call is the hardest thing of all. One day in his arms, the next day gone. I’m sure the lesson will dawn on me soon. Thanks again.

    • Emma on March 9, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      “I realize now I was trying to pick up where my dreams of my marriage had left off.”

      So insightful. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable here.

  21. Kay on March 13, 2015 at 12:01 am

    I’m a widow nearly 6 years. Met a wonderful man about 6 months ago that is going through a divorce after a long term marriage. We have not dated because he feels legally and morally it is not right until the divorce is final and he doesn’t want to be unfair to me or hurt me. We do share mutual interest in each other and I have been patient in waiting for it to be over. Knowing that I will be the “reboundee” am I foolish to put myself in this position? After reading your article and the comments, I think that I should let him go and find a rebound before we get together, but then I think I may risk losing him to that person.

  22. Lori Tee on March 16, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    I really liked Emma’s helpful article and all the insights shared by readers.
    I’m divorcing now after 30 years. I have been told that I am gorgeous, attractive, etc. However, are there recommendations as to when to start dating? How long does one allow to grieve, etc? My kids are grown and out of the house. My marriage has been empty, dry, without intimacy, companionship or compliments for more than 7 years. I’m so already over many of the issues and adjustments that were mentioned in Emma’s article. I have a fabulous job, great co-workers who are like family to me and a bright future. I don’t NEED anything except maybe some sweet, compatible companionship.
    Any recommendations?

    • stefan24 on January 29, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      I would give yourself some time out, this is advice someone told me which I ignored, why do I ask for advice all the time but when it’s given disregard it.

      But I’ve just gone through a breakup of a 5 year relationship and started another relationship six months after. It broke after eight months as I still had issues from my previous relationship which I thought I had dealt with but really hadn’t.

      I’ve since meet up with my ex of 5 years but I’m still left feeling I’m in Love with my most recent ex, I’m confused to say the least. I now have to rebuild my life on my own for the first time in years and it’s tough, but every day is getting a little bit better.

      If I was you I’d go get some Counselling (which I’m doing now) and check if you’re as good as you think you are, you will know soon enough how you’re actually doing.

  23. Tina on May 29, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Will it benefit to have read this before my first post divorce relationship. I was just catfished by the first guy I was attracted to thru an online dating site :( Now I’m afraid of even trying to find someone.

    • Emma on May 29, 2015 at 11:43 am

      Oh no! That kind of crap is really unusual, actually. The first step is to DATE. Go out with men just to go on dates, get your groove back and start to trust your instincts. If you’re looking for Mr. Forever with every single date, nothing good can come of it :)

  24. mark harris on June 22, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    i am here to testify on how Dr.OKIKA helped me. I saw a post on a particular site sharing testimony on how these great spell caster brought back her ex. Initially, i thought the post is unreal but I later had a second thought and another person still share his testimony on how he brought back his wife.so i contacted the spell caster as instructed by the post. I have no option than to try my best because my Wife left me with my two kids after a minor misunderstanding. Me and my wife got married over six years and we lived so happily. At a certain time my wife started behaving strange. When I saw the post, I contacted the spell caster on his email and he told me not to worry that my wife will come back to me in two days time once he finish casting the reunite spell. To my greatest surprise, my wife came back to me begging for a second chance.and we are living happily together as one family again. I want to use this medium to let everyone here know that this is real and if you are out there having this same problem please kindly contact Dr.OKIKA, the great spell caster …google his name(Dr okika) to find his contact details okay….Good luck….,,,

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 3:06 am

      Why do you people go on every site promoting this scam crap???
      There is no such thing as a spell
      This is all a scam!!!

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  26. Lost and Confused... getting over first post-divorce relationship - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage on July 17, 2015 at 5:00 am

    […] Midnight_cowboy is offline   Quote Quick Reply post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old Today, 04:00 AM synthetic Member     Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 2,226 Re: Lost and Confused… getting over first post-divorce relationship What you're feeling is very normal. If you're into reading, this is for you: Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad (and why divorces are totally different and … […]

  27. Ben on July 19, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    Sad stuff when a marriage is rife with anger and discontent. Lies, stealing, cheating, neglect, and so on. Bi polar disorder and mental illness. It all just stinks. Especially when your the dumped one. The wounds of a bad marriage, 20 years, run deep. Guilt, shame, rumination and so on.
    I for one rebounded into the arms of an old and dear college friend. I was coming off a severe depression. I was desperate for what I knew I had lost when I got my ex pregnant and thereby began a life laden with hell.
    We have been together for three months now. The love easily came back for her but I have difficulty giving back. I’m still numb from the violence of my separation and reeling in its fallout. Kids upset and angry. Home lost. Bad stuff. And I have brought it all into my new relationship. In spite of this my dear love is being patient and understanding. I was open and honest about what I wa going thru. Still, though, my mind says that I am not ready for a committed relationship. However, and now that this girl is everything and more, all that I remembered back in the day,, I don’t want to risk losing her. She truly is wonderful. A literal polar opposite to my ex in most ways. Yet, I can’t give her what she deserves. The passion is not there but I can still satisfy and please. I am attracted to her but my mind is never far from my ex. She is with us all of the time.
    My ex is serial dating. She recently has entered into a serious relationship with another guy. Poor fella doesn’t know about that little monster called bi polar disorder, yet. You see the drama, the intensity of life with this woman was like a drug. An addiction. Hell, I hated her but still wanted to be around her. So beautiful. Crazy as a loon. Ripped me to pieces, stomped my manhood, tore my heart out, destroyed our family and bankrupted me. Yet, I allow her to still eat at my head and heart.
    Now getting back to my new girl. She has everything any man would want. Pretty, healthy, funny, positive, a phenomenal lover, a good job, her own home, and loves me dearly. It’s because of these truths that I now find myself stuck. I got myself into this, but am unable to give this wonderful woman all I’ve got. I got so used to the instability that all of this stability is tough to get my head and heart around. I trust her so that not it. It’s the fear that I won’t ever get over the remorse, guilt, shame and pain of my brutal breakup and overall bad marriage. That I won’t feel joy and passion, again.
    I am hoping that once I can get the ex who is literally trying to ruin me to sign something this numbness and rumination will go away. Perhaps, and because my new gal knew me than that she is being so lovingly patient.
    I truly do not want to hurt her. I do understand how rebound breaks can be so hurtful and not just to the recent divorce’. As hard as it may be to face loneliness until you get the vast majority of crap out of your head from your last relationship you should be alone, or do what my ex does….live in bars and screw every cute guy you meet. She seems to be doing just fine. Ha, I think there’s something to that bi polar stuff that buries conscience and guilt. Kind of jealous. For those with a conscience it’s probably best to heal yourself first before you jump back into the sack.

    • KareN on August 28, 2015 at 10:17 am

      I am in the same boat. Met the most wonderful guy 2 months after my husband left me for another woman. My new man is extremely attentive, loving, and great with my kids. However, I still love and miss my ex for what we had before his affair. About 8 months after he left, he told me he regretted it and it was worst mistake of his life. Thinks about it every day. But that was it. No words to try and get me back, or mention of what he would do- not sure because of ego and pride or knowing because I’m in this new relationship with a great guy and he got what he deserved. I’m so confused. How do I know if I’m with the right guy? My feelings for my boyfriend are jaded by my loss in marriage, and he is willing to stand by me through it all.. But as you said, the ex is never far away in my head. My boyfriend deserves better.

      • Emma on August 28, 2015 at 10:29 am

        The right guy is the one you want to hang out with. That might be because you have amazing sexual chemistry and that is what you need, or you trust him implicitly and that is what you need, or he is a wonderful peer and partner with whom you can build a new life.

        You may need different things at different stations of life.

        Tough to know. I understand 1000000%.

        Do appreciate that you have options. Always the best position.

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 3:08 am

      Sounds like my ex
      She left a heap of men with broken hearts
      Now I’m on the top of that heap
      She is heartless

  28. Roz on July 29, 2015 at 10:07 am

    My X has been seeing a mutual friend of ours for over a year… He is a drug dealer and real dirt bag but seems to treat her right. I told her many times that she isn’t being honest with her feelings and when things don’t work out it will devastate her… It hurts to see her happy and in love (supposedly) when I tried failed and then have up and found god… Which is why I am single…. She doesn’t see her kids often and has moved in with him. She agreed to give me full custody of our boys so she can LIVE UP TO HER POTENTIAL. My boys are sad and miss her as they don’t see her often. I just hope she eventually realizes what she is doing and honestly I hope she leaves him for good. I still pay for her every night… Or divorce should b final by years end.

    Thanks for the article
    Regards r.p

    • KareN on August 28, 2015 at 10:20 am

      I hope you find a wonderful person who will love you and your kids. She is a selfish woman. Can’t imagine not seeing my kids. Fins someone will love them as their own.

  29. Missy on August 20, 2015 at 2:25 am

    What is considered a rebound. My ex-husband has been in a relationship with his new girlfriend for six months. He started dating her in February 2015, our divorce final January 2015. So, one month after our divorce of 20 years were final. However, during our marriage he started seeing someone and saw her up until he dumped her for the new six month relationship. So, dating his second person after our marriage is this a rebound.

  30. Emilia on September 2, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Such a helpful post. I can relate to pretty much everything on here. Less than 5 months after a painful and prolonged end to a 20 year marriage, I became involved with someone who had also recently separated from a long marriage. We almost immediately fell into an intense, close emotional and physical relationship and were inseparable for almost a year. We functioned in secret, since neither of us was formally divorced and didn’t want our soon-to-be-Exes to find out…and we both have kids still adjusting to big family changes. We felt we were the other’s soulmate, and at times I felt he was my forever guy. But as the pressure mounted to go public (as divorces finalized), I choked. Without giving him warning, I abruptly broke things off. Even though I was the one to break it off, it was an extremely painful and miserable transition. My rebound relationship had given me an exhilarating whirlwind of happiness AND had masked the not-so-pleasant realities of divorced life and facing the world as a single person. During the rebound relationship, I’d been in the whirlwind of new love and hadn’t nurtured single friendships or even single person skills! Suddenly it was just me and my living room couch on visitation weekends. Thank you for your post and so glad I’m not the only one.

    • Emma on September 3, 2015 at 8:15 am

      Hey Emilia, Thanks for this very honest and self-reflective note. I’m impressed with your self-awareness. Q … have you started dating again? Thoughts about reuniting with the rebound?

    • Sean on January 8, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Do you still think about your ex? Even though you had this rebound?

      • Emma on January 10, 2016 at 9:05 am

        Not romantically. I’m done with that part of my relationship with him.

  31. Michelle Govender on October 6, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Brilliant and witty article. So very relatable. Divorced people forget their sweetheart and contend with everything else. The rebound is simply a bounce back …. Beautiful but not real.

  32. destndtofail on November 6, 2015 at 12:07 am

    I am so very there right now. Article explained it a bit more to me. I’m recently divorced and quickly started a rebound with a person also on the rebound. We were both clear with our intentions but I knowingly and willingly put my heart out there for her. We comforted each other through the process and she was there for me every day through the entire divorce as a friend more than anything. I felt ok putting my heart out there because I knew I would be ok if she decided she didn’t want to do it anymore or if she got back with her ex whatever. I was not prepared to mess it up myself. I had one night of being a little too needy and it completely turned her off. She needed time to think and I was just crushed. i’ve never felt pain like this…literally feeling it in my stomach. It’s horrible. And of course I think about messing up the realtionship with my ex, and my kids and now the one thing that helped me feel better through that is messed up too. I guess the divorce was easier when I had someone, and now I have to deal with all of it at once. That relationship and this. Pretty sure my mistake is pushing her back to her ex, so i’m just all alone. Its awful. Just awful.

    • Emma on November 18, 2015 at 11:37 am

      I can so relate, as many readers here can. It is a universal experience, and the pain does pass. It does. Hang in there xx

    • Ava on December 2, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Hello, I’m here to talk about how my relationship was broken and how i save it, my husband saw me with my old school friend in college and said is over between us without even asking me what i was doing with him, because i truly love him i was looking for a solution to get him back till one faithful day i was searching through something on the Internet and i came across someone talking about Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE on how Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE save her marriage so i also took the details of Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE and contacted him and told him about my situation, he told me not to worry that everything will be ok, today I’m happy to tell you that my husband is back to me and I’m even pregnant for him right and we celebrate the last Christmas together, here is Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE contact via email: ((ekpentemple at gmail.com))). Grateful

  33. Jackie on November 23, 2015 at 10:43 pm

    Fell head over heals 15 months after my 24 year marriage ended. Best few months … our lives just could not merge. It is what you say… incredibly painful.

  34. Ava on December 2, 2015 at 10:57 am

    Hello, I’m here to talk about how my relationship was broken and how i save it, my husband saw me with my old school friend in college and said is over between us without even asking me what i was doing with him, because i truly love him i was looking for a solution to get him back till one faithful day i was searching through something on the Internet and i came across someone talking about Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE on how Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE save her marriage so i also took the details of Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE and contacted him and told him about my situation, he told me not to worry that everything will be ok, today I’m happy to tell you that my husband is back to me and I’m even pregnant for him right and we celebrate the last Christmas together, here is Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE contact via email: ((ekpentemple at gmail.com))). Grateful

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 3:11 am

      Another scammer
      You scum are everywhere

  35. April on December 10, 2015 at 11:19 am

    I’m looking for some advice. I have been divorced twice. I have two kids both from my first marriage. Here is my current timeline. Split up with husband #2 in July, started dating someone (I had known him for 8 years) in Aug. Introduced 13 year old in August, introduced 11 year old in November. Both kids love him. Parents are unwilling to even meet him – they think it’s wreckless to introduce the kids so quickly and my mom is disgusted that I didn’t even have a “mourning period.” Here is the truth. I move on from relationships very quickly, it’s sad but it’s just something I’m kinda good at. Here is the other truth, I was checked out from marriage number 2 for years. I’ve always had feelings for my new guy and I’m completely head over heels in love with him in a way I’ve never even felt before. He says all the time he wants to marry me and he’s basically living at my house. How do I tell my parents that he’s going to officially move in AND is it too soon for him to do so? I need some help please!

  36. Ben on December 16, 2015 at 1:08 am

    Watching my ex wife go through this now, we were together 11 yrs and we split in May sold the house by July, she said she wanted to stay friends and we had a few dinners together and then she just stopped talking to me mid August all of a sudden she posts a picture of her with a guy in California. Well this lasted until a week ago and now she’s messaging me again trying to meet up we have no kids but using the dog as an excuse. I’m in no mood to have any more dinners with her and kind of feel used about how this all went down, I just said I think my definition of friendship is different than hers.

  37. Ryan M on December 17, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    I’ve been wrestling with this…trying to figure out why it is so difficult. I think it’s like one commenter said, a compounded and delayed grief…but also, we get taken away with dreams of the next great relationship, which reality can never live up to. Having our dreams dashed so thoroughly is crushing, coupled with the grief. It feels crazy, even if the rebound relationship wasn’t that great, it was built-up so much by dreams and expectations…

  38. Seanny on January 8, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    He’s my perspective for the other side of the coin. I have been separated since july 2015. I wanted to get back with my wife in december. She found a guy who is married but has been separated for 2 years occupied by a girlfriend. (Which he dumped august) She has had according to her an overwhelming feeling of confidence and love. Says he’s giving her everything I haven’t been giving her. We been married for 8 years and known each other for 10. Our marriage had its ups and down, but she can she herself marring again. I want to keep this relationship, but should I face the music (go through with the divorce) or give her time. I had six months to myself and realized it a little too late#stillhurting

    • Emma on January 10, 2016 at 9:04 am

      Hi Sean – Thanks for chiming in. Sorry to tell you this, but it doesn’t sound like you have a lot of choice here. Sounds like she has moved on. Time to accept the end of your marriage, give yourself time to grieve, and move on yourself. I’m sorry for your loss. xoxo

  39. James on January 21, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Hi Emma,
    What a great article you have written and wow does it resonate with me as like the other comments on this site, it hurts so much.
    This is the first time I have ever written on a comment board about such an issue. So for me to comment here, it really has to mean a lot, which it really does.
    I know it sounds teenager…ish as I am 50 and I was separated 15 months ago after a being together for 28 years. Yes that is a long time.
    I will try and keep the story fairly short. My former wife decided to leave the marriage as we grew apart the last 7 years or so.
    I still care for her as she is a good person.
    My girlfriend (46 yrs) ended our relationship last weekend and it has been a very difficult experience.
    We dated for 7 months. I started seeing her 7 1/2 months after my former wife and I were separated.
    I was not interested in even looking for a relationship at the time as I felt it was too early.
    But I was introduced to this wonderful woman and it was amazing chemistry from the get go.
    She has similar interests to me like biking, running etc and a very intelligent, strong, independent and lovely woman.
    She had been through the divorce process before as she had been single for about 4 years and had gone through her “grieving” process and all that “baggage” was behind her.

    The first couple of months were amazing. I kept the relationship fairly low key for the first month as I was separated for not that long of period.
    When my former wife found about about the relationship she was shattered! I know that sounds strange as she ended the marriage.
    The texts and emails were relentless over the months and not always pleasant. Obviously she was hurt seeing me date another woman after 28 years. Hence the reason I kept it low key for a while.
    I still cared about her as we she is still the mother of my 16 year old daughter.
    Odd as it sounds I tried to ease her pain by replying to her to make her not hurt as much.

    Fast forward a few months and the constant messages from her and showing up at my house wanting back in the marriage, eventually filtered into my new relationship.
    It started to grind me down with huge guilt. I felt as I was having an affair even through we were legally separated.
    The last few months was a roller coaster ride for my former girlfriend, as this ridiculous guilt I had affected our relationship/
    I had never looked at the 7 stages of grief after a divorce until about 5 months ago. And I then realized I had hit 6 of the 7 stages hence the roller coaster ride, except the last stage which is acceptance.

    The roller coaster ride eventually was too much for my girlfriend, understandably and she said she can’t go on with the relationship as she felt I had not gone through my “journey” after my separation.
    My question to you Emma is, do you agree that 7 1/2 months was too soon to get into a serious relationship after 25 years?
    I will tell you the pain of this separation is indescribable!
    Yes we left the relationship still loving each other and it was a very intimate ending.
    I agree, as this type of ending is extremely difficult, way more difficult than an ugly ending.
    Since the breakup I have not slept in days and lost a bunch of weight as this was a woman who ticked all the boxes for being THE woman.
    I really sympathize with so many of the comments as I can relate.
    I really think the pain is so deep as after 15 months I have only now realized I have lost , a family, dealing with a very strained relationship with my 16 year old daughter and now this current relationship breakup.
    I will say this current breakup is way more painful that my marriage separation. I realise it’s not a great comparison as one relationship was 8 months and the other 25 years.
    I have read many websites about when the pain should start to ease from 30 to 60 days or more.
    Phew I will say as unmanly as it sounds a broken heart is so painful.
    I have read that the pain from a broken heart is very similar from the withdrawal pain of cocaine.
    There is no medication for a painful heart.

    I gather the pain is so deep because I really hadn’t gone through my so called grieving process of my former marriage and we both fell in love very quickly and it was amazing and it was so real and felt incredible for all these few months.
    I have read the NC (no contact at all) rule is the only way to get through this.
    Unfortunately these days we are all on social media and former girlfriends and their friends are on sites like Facebook, so indirectly you still get the odd photo and comment about your former girlfriend that comes through on these sites.
    De-friending people I find very immature.

    Thanks James.

  40. Richard on January 27, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    It’s nice to know I’m not alone (despite finding this on singlemommy.com) . After my ex wife left I immediately got on almost every damn dating app and website there was. I got involved with a co worker, bad idea, don’t sh!t where you eat, probably 2 months after the ex left. That fell through which was for the best, tho she still has feelings for me.

    That aside, I found a lovely amazing woman online this September, complete opposite of my ex wife, physically and emotionally. The sad part is I just ended things because I felt overwhelmed that I was going to end up hurting down the line and couldn’t continue the relationship, which I tried to end on a previous occasion a few weeks ago. Also because I don’t feel there was an equal amount of attraction, something just felt off with me and my feelings towards her. Like someone else said I just couldn’t give 100% of myself to her and the relationship.

    That’s part of why it hurts so much because I can’t trust my gut, if don’t truly feel that way or I’m too afraid to let go. She was beyond understanding and pacient with me. I told her I still need time to heal whether it’s 6 months, a year or more. She says she wants to sleep until that time has gone by. It’s just not fair to her. I want to comfort her, she still wants to talk, but I feel that would be inappropriate and potentially misleading. I don’t know where that line is.

    I don’t know what it will look like when I’m ready, but I know what it won’t look like. Thanks for sharing everyone.

    • Emma on January 28, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      “That’s part of why it hurts so much because I can’t trust my gut.”

      Really great observation.

  41. MOORE on January 30, 2016 at 12:44 am

    I want to testify to the Goodness of Dr.AGBAZARA TEMPLE, he brought back my Husband back to me within 48hours after he casted the spell, my husband left me and my 2 kids for another woman but now all the thanks goes to Dr.Agbazara for bringing him back to me if you are in any type of problem in your relationships or in your marriage contact AGBAZARA TEMPLE on his email address for help: agbazara@ gmail. com or call 2348182620374.

    From USA

    • Don on February 8, 2016 at 3:13 am

      Please please get these scammers off of this site
      They are taking people of their hard earned money

    • Jacqueline on March 11, 2016 at 5:01 pm

      Congrats, but i would like to know if it’s worth having him back under some spell then to have him back in the family unit because he messed up and realized the grass turned brown qiuck, so what happens when he sees greener pastures next time. Did you guys seek counseling.

  42. Rick on February 5, 2016 at 1:41 am

    It’s, funny because I was searching the Web to see if I could find an article if it was possible for a rebound relationship to rekindle. After my divorce of 14 years, I didn’t want to date, for different reasons, but ultimately I just wasn’t ready. When I found out my ex was seeing multiple men, my mentality was “I’ll show her”. I did the online dating thing and it was brutal. I was totally unprepared for the dating world. I begged for my ex to come back, and she wouldn’t have it. So the very next day I went to a speed dating event.

    The women were beautiful, and had strong communication skills. Almost all of them were a big upgrade from the women (my ex) I was begging and crying to come back to me the previous night. So naturally I thought for sure none of them would want anything to do with me. To my surprise, several of them were, including the women I was most interested in. We corresponded, then dated. I felt like a teenager again, always giddy. Here I was just looking for some “fun” but I had real emotions for this women developing. It scared the hell out of me. About two months into this rebound, she became more distant, then things would be great again. Hot and cold if you will. After the 3rd month it was over. It hurt, but I didn’t think much of it. I told myself “it was only 3 months, you’ll get over it in a few weeks. Which turned to months, a year, and then here I am now, 4 years later. She is still on my mind.

    I’ve dated other women since, and they just don’t compare. I wonder if I’ll ever move on, and I’ve given it a valiant effort. But my situation is I think about her, and I wonder if she thinks about me. Now Valentines day is around the corner, and my feminine side is rearing its ugly head out, and I want to send her flowers. I don’t want to creep her out and make her think I’m stalking her (lol), so I rationalize I’ll send them as a secret admirer (again thinking like a teenager ).

    Now that I’m removed from the situation and not blinded with emotion. I realize that I was also her rebound . We were in a mutual rebound relationship.

    I think part of the reason she is also on my mind is because there wasn’t any real closure, it was just a text late at night when I was asleep, followed by ignoring me.

    I would very much like to be with this incredible women again. I know it’s wishful thinking, but I’ll probably continue to look for this “can rebound relationship rekindle” article to justify my actions.

    Thanks for your time Emma, and it feels good to know that I’m not the only one whose post divorce relationship hurt more than the divorce.

    • Sharon on February 11, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      A short, intense relationship also leaves so much space for idealization and fantasy that you end up romantisizing the person you were with. You are still wearing rose- coloured glasses when the relationship ends. Making it very difficult not to believe that that person wasn’t perfect for you. Part of the pain of losing that person is the lose of all the hopes and dreams you had about having a “perfect” future with this “perfect” person.
      By the time a long term marriage/relationship ends, you are far less likely to be able to idealize the person or situation and what could have or should have been. I relate to Rick’s post. I too am battling to get over someone I saw last year for 3 months. It has been far more difficult than my divorce from a 20 year marriage.

      • Emma on February 12, 2016 at 3:12 pm

        Really insightful, thanks for this

  43. Smitty on February 12, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    My situation is a little different, and I am seeking advice.

    Me: I am long divorced from a dysfunctional marriage, and have had two several years long relationships since then. I am well healed, and haven’t been looking for anyone new — very happy with my life.

    Him: Then, remarkably, a man came to my garage sale and he kindled a huge spark in me. Our connection is remarkable. It was love in bloom for several months. I felt incredibly lucky. Then he was diagnosed with a heart defect and told he would have to have open heart surgery. (He is 65.) He “lost his mind” then, facing mortality, and dumped me by text to take up with a woman who is an avid hiker and bicycler who would push him in that activity. He told me he had met her last but still wanted to keep OUR strong connection. Oy, the pain. HOWEVER, we continued to see each other as friends and he continued to be inclined to kiss me and engage in a little necking.

    Her: He met her a little over a year ago. She was in a long, long marriage, and had dated very little prior to marrying. Her adult daughter was dying of a rare disease. “My man” was kind, and supportive to her, and told her he would be there for her. She took that as a commitment.

    Now: Many complications. His mother died, on top of the post surgery trauma. I have been loving and supportive and a constant comfort to him for many months now. He knows how much I care for him, and I know that he cares for me. And yet he stopped seeing me for a time because (he said) he was too aroused by me, and felt incapable of clearing his head right now. Couldn’t hold my hand; makes him want to kiss me; can’t kiss me because we will be “too close”. He invited me to go to Europe with him next year, but he is afraid to hurt her. She does not know that he is seeing me. He came to me for comfort on the day before he buried his mother, and we also see each other once a week or so and communicate regularly. We openly acknowledge the electricity between us, and have plans for common projects and interests.

    Back to her: It appears that she was recruiting “my man” before her divorce was final. And, remember, she had dated very little before this marriage of almost thirty years — a marriage that turned dysfunctional because she devoted herself to their daughter’s illness. There was no affection for some time. I worry about this rebound-worse-than-divorce phenomenon. I want to find some way to preclude that from happening here. She really is setting herself up for enormous pain.

    So….here is where my story is related to this message board. I am concerned about this woman, actually. I know, and have certainly learned, that going from a long dysfunctional marriage into a relationship immediately is not what a woman should do. She should get her head together, find herself, and heal for a couple of years before thinking of finding a man.

    And yes, of course, I want her out of the picture. I want the “love in bloom” fully restored, because it was prematurely halted yet it’s still there for both of us. I saw him yesterday for coffee — the affection is deep. I guess I’m just writing to ask for opinions.

    • Emma on February 15, 2016 at 9:34 am

      You are trying to control a situation that is not yours to control. If he wanted to be with you romantically, he would be. He wants to be with her. I’m sorry for your loss, but it is time for you to move on.

  44. napeape on February 14, 2016 at 10:19 pm

    This is all so true, and thank you everyone for sharing. Its valentines day and I’m sitting here feeling all these same emotions. Its good to know I’m not alone in this pain or in making mistakes,

    • Emma on February 15, 2016 at 9:27 am

      You are so note alone! No new emotions, no new stories, really xxoo

  45. Bridget Harrison on February 24, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Hello friends! My Name is Bridget Harrison, i have had a lot about Dr Amigo and his good works in bringing back lost relationships and restoring businesses, but i never believe in spell casters to get back my husband who left me and three kids over nine months ago. so a good friend of mine introduced me to Dr Amigo spell just because my condition was so bad and the responsibilities on my head were more than me. my husband left me for another woman just because i don’t have a male child for him. so i email Dr Amigo and told him everything, he told me not to worry that my husband will come back and i will have a male child for him. he only told me to believe in him that after casting the spell my husband will come back immediately and beg for forgiveness. Dr Amigo actually did it for me and my husband came back to me within three days. i am very happy and all thanks goes to Dr Amigo. I promised Dr Amigo that i will share this testimony to every one in the world if he make me to have a male child for my husband. and he also did it, as I’m sharing this testimony to every one out here that am with my new baby boy. Now i am the happiest woman on earth because Dr Amigo restored my marriage with 100%. For more info about him type “Dr Amigo the online spell caster” on Google to see more of his article. He can also help in the followings, Urgent spell, Return of ex love spell, Weight loss spell, Court case spell, luck shine/lottery spell, Office promotion spell, Death/Revenge spell.

  46. Sonia on February 28, 2016 at 4:51 am

    After being in relationship with him for 7 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster He also help me to win lottery, his email: spirituallove@ hotmail .com
    you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:spirituallove@ hotmail .com
    CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

  47. Spring on March 6, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    I know this post was years ago, but thank you for writing it. I cut off my engagement two months before my wedding, ending a 7 year relationship of living with my ex (might have well have been a divorce, a house, our furniture, dogs, etc were all involved). Then I met a man months later who I thought was the total package. It was storybook, he was everything I would have imagined for my perfect man and more, he filled in the blanks that my fiance had always left out,and some. I fell in love quick and hard….until months later when I asked one evening what time he wanted to get dinner and he told me that he’d lied to me about where he was that past weekend, he’d been with his ex, was still in love with her and was moving across the country at the end of the week…but I was “AMAZING” and he was “so so sorry”. It’s taken me down so hard that I’ve contemplated looking into antidepressants. Thanks for this, at least I may not be alone in what I’m experiencing, and there may be more to it than I’ve just lost the actual “one”.

  48. Bailey on March 14, 2016 at 7:07 am

    I feel like I am going trough this now. My boyfriend is going through his divorce and I don’t feel like I am coping well with it. He has a child with his wife and they were separated about a year before I came on the seen, I am his first gf since his wife cheated on him and left him to live with the guy she cheated on him with. We have been together for about 8 months and now my bf has the papers and is ready to sign them.We rent a house together and have his child throughout the week and then goes back to her mom, so I guess we moved pretty fast but with our situation at the time it was only so his child had stability that we started living together. I am now worried that after his divorce he might not feel the same. He tells me he loves me and that we will be OK but I just dont know.

  49. Elliiott Chloe on April 10, 2016 at 7:29 pm

    My Name is ELLIOT CHLOE from USA. I never believed in Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster called DR FRED.. The man i wanted to marry left me 3 months to our wedding ceremony and my life was upside down.he was with me for 4 years and i really love him so much..he left me for another
    woman with no reasons..when i called him, he never picked up my calls and he don’t want to see me around him…so,when i told the man what happened. he helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other woman has done some spells over my Husband and that is the reason why he left me..he told me he will help me to cast a spell to bring him back. At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try…In 4 days, My Husband called me himself and came to me apologizing..I cant believe he can ever come back to me again but now i am happy he’s back and we are married now and we live as a happy family..Am posting this to the forum if anyone needs the
    help of this man.Can contact him through this email address : geniusspellsAToutlookDOTcom or his number PLUS18643962088

  50. Lisa on April 28, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    My story, met my ex when I was 13, married at 20, had 3 boys, got divorced at 52 right before our 31st wedding anniversary. I wanted the divorce due to lack of respect and partnership. I have been working on myself by going back to school, and learning to love myself again.
    My problem is, and I know this sounds childish and selfish, and here goes the but, he has started dating and for some reason it gets my upset, not the dating but that someone else has taken my place even though I don’t want him back. Really, I don’t want him back. My emotional self feels like all those years meant nothing and I can be so easily replaced. It’s gets so confusing for me at times because I love my life right now. I am school, I have great friends and I am starting to regain my confidence that I did not have very much of. So WHY do I give a s–t!

    • Jerry Greco on October 30, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      It gets you upset for the following reasons;

      1) He finally has a woman who gives him UNCONDITIONAL SEX and AFFECTION;

      2) You lost control over Him via withholding sex and affection.

      3) Your next relationships will be the same; You get mad, withhold sex and He gets sex elsewhere.

  51. Elita on May 1, 2016 at 1:59 am

    Love the “360 degree life barf” statement -that’s excatly how it feels

  52. Bridget Harrison on May 5, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    HOW MY MARRIAGE/BUSINESS WERE RESTORED BACK BY DR AMIGO.
    Hello friends! My Name is Bridget Harrison, i have had a lot about Dr Amigo and his good works in bringing back lost relationships and restoring businesses, but i never believe in spell casters to get back my husband who left me and three kids over nine months ago. A good friend of mine introduced me to Dr Amigo spell just because my condition was so bad and the responsibilities on my head were more than me. my husband left me for another woman just because i don’t have a male child for him. so i email Dr Amigo and told him everything, he told me not to worry that my husband will come back and i will have a male child for him. he only told me to believe in him that after casting the spell my husband will come back immediately and beg for forgiveness. Dr Amigo actually did it for me and my husband came back to me within three days. i am very happy and all thanks goes to Dr Amigo. I promised Dr Amigo that i will share this testimony to every one in the world if he make me to have a male child for my husband. and he also did it, as I’m sharing this testimony to every one out here that am with my new baby boy. Now i am the happiest woman on earth because Dr Amigo restored my marriage with 100%. For more info about him type “Dr Amigo the online spell caster” on Google to see more of his article. He also help to win court cases, get promoted in the office, win lotto. etc

    • Don on October 24, 2016 at 6:49 am

      Why do you scammers keep on screwing people over?
      There is no such thing as a spell caster!

  53. mosquito repellent bracelets on June 1, 2016 at 3:11 am

    i’m certain all of you might be truly impressive and since for beginners like me….i managed to get to the correct destination for a read about whatever wanted…

  54. Julie on June 7, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    I’ve been divorced for six months now, but separated/single for over a year. My ex clearly mourned the marriage long before he ended it. He’s living with his new gf…10 years his, and my, junior.

    I’m trying out the post divorce relationship…and he’s post divorce too, barely. I’m terrified that we’ll both implode on ourselves.

  55. khin yadanar on June 18, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    Please my dear friend,I am sorry you are reading this message like this, I just see its a way of helping who will need the kind of help i got. make sure you read this my testimony to the end it is a life story because it is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married for 3years and on the 4th year of my marriage, another woman took my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until I met a post where a man called high priest tokubo have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture and my details to him and that of my husband and after 2days as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to meet with this man because i can swear with my life the man is a very strong spell caster and his spell work very fine without any side effect you can reach me on khinyadanar730 @ gmail . com if you want more details about priest tokubo. Are you really suffering in your relationship right now? do you want high priest tokubo intervention in your relationship to help you repair your relationship? then contact him today via His email:((highpriesttokubo @ gmail . com))

  56. Katrina on July 17, 2016 at 9:48 pm

    I am SO glad I “Google-tripped” over this article. It is ABSOLUTELY true, and I was seriously thinking that my feelings were just unique to me–nope. What’s so crazy is I felt this amazing amount of guilt for having such intense feelings for someone who was a seeming stranger compared to my ex-husband! I was absolutely not ready for a relationship, but I’ve never quite been without one = recipe for disaster for my newly single self. He is an amazing human being, but I still contest that I broke my own heart by allowing him to do it. I think my divorce made me vulnerable but that this process is making me stronger. I still miss him…sometimes.

    • Emma on July 18, 2016 at 9:41 am

      Glad this helped :)

      • Don on October 24, 2016 at 6:51 am

        Please warn people on here about pushing these so called spell casters
        Their nothing but scammers trying to get people’s money

  57. Tracy on July 26, 2016 at 9:40 am

    I had a problem with my fiance 3 months ago,which lead us apart. When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,i dont know what to do,I feel my life has come to an end, So I went for advice online and i saw so good comment about a spell caster named Robinson buckler, how he help couples to solve their relationship and marriage issues. I email the spell caster on the email which was provided in the comments (Robinson.buckler@yahoo. com ) and I explain my problem to him and I did what he asked me, Before I knew what happened, after 24 hours, my fiance gave me a call and he came back to me and beg for forgiveness, I’m so grateful to these spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he did for me.If you need his help,you can email Robinson.buckler……

  58. I say on July 27, 2016 at 8:16 am

    This is from the other side of the equation – I have just been that rebound guy. I looked up an old girlfriend, not even sure why, but found her, literally just divorced and living with her mother and children. It took matter of days to reconnect, we had never actually had sex as teenage boyfriend/girlfriend so it was an intense unrequited sexual connection and we went at it way, way too fast. almost addictively, without self control.
    I now realise she had a giant hole, post divorce, at her core – she had been trained for 13 years to be with a man and have him just there. Thus, way too quickly she tried to put me into that role, she wanted to get pregnant (after two weeks) and did, then started talking about moving state, buying a house and renovating it (fantasy talk financially).
    It was intoxicating emotionally and sexually and I felt as though time had created some special loop just for us, but the (maybe unconscious) expectations from her to be a substitute for the experiences of her last partner were problematic, requests to be a quasi parent and attend her child’s school art show etc.
    We broke up after she miscarried and blamed me – but the truth was her situation and age meant that her body was far too stressed for a pregnancy, the divorce had left her thin and run down from stress and her coping mechanism was a very high nicotine and caffeine dependency.
    It hurt like nothing else when she cut me off, she had spent months telling me how i was healing her mentally and physically and it was only because of our shared teenage history that she could let me in like this. But in truth, I did heal her, only not in the way she was talking about, I healed her by allowing her to transfer her rage against me when we broke up, releasing the stored up sheer venom that was really all about her real failed relationship, the major relationship of her life, and it wasn’t about me.
    So gentlemen, beware of being the post divorce rebound guy – nothing is what you assume – there are really three of you in that relationship, it’s a triangle with a silent partner always there.

  59. Vanessa on August 2, 2016 at 12:33 am

    I’m here to appreciate the good work of this site for helping me to locate my helper who is Prophet Iyare. I have been having misunderstanding with my husband which leads to divorce some mouths ago, But i was unable to move on with my life because i have so much love for my husband and my kid love him too. I heard about @iyareyaresolutiontemple@gmail. com here some few Weeks ago and i decided to contact him for help and he told me what i needed to do which i did, i was so surprised when i got a call from my husband apologizing to me and told me he was going to come back to me it all seems like a dream to me thanks to Prophet Iyare i am back with my husband again and we are so happy together.

  60. Lmt on August 13, 2016 at 11:47 pm

    Lot of truth to the article, i walked away from my husband after 2 years and filed for divorce immediately i couldn’t take his changed behaviour and abuse any longer (medical issue). I wanted to feel loved and jumped straight into another relationship with someone who literally was everything i wanted my husband to become. I dont think its using them but it helped to get over the breakup. Made me feel like i was cared about!!However my ex husband decided to start talking to me months later and it caused a wedge with my new boyfriend and trust issues started tearing us apart. My divorce came through and hit me like a tonne of bricks more the shame i feel now being divorced and the time you feel is wasted. my boyfriend could not understand why it bothered me it was a bad marriage and i started the divorce only those who have been through it understand! My boyfriend dumped me the week my decree came through and it’s him i am upset at losing not my husband. My advice is dont take advice from others do what feels right for you i would separate for a while before filling for divorce and get mentally ready!!

  61. Kristen Cohen on August 31, 2016 at 11:24 am

    I celebrated my fourth year Marriage anniversary yesterday, i can remember it was Priest Ajigar that help me. We broke up when we were dating few years back and i tried all ways to get him back to me but nothing work and after trying all means i had to sick for the help of Priest Ajigar because i heard and saw so many testimonies about him on a blog site, i had to consult him for help too and he brought him back to me in just 4 days after the counsel, prayers and spell was done in his temple he was back to me and we got married after 3 months. Yesterday we celebrated our 4th year marriage anniversary , we have been living together as husband and wife after Priest Ajigar brought him back to me, we are still living together peaceful till date and we have a boy. Here is his email(priestajigarspells @ live . com) if you want to contacted him concerning your relationship problem. I’m so very happy and i just want you all to know that he is very powerful and can change your situation.

  62. Nicole on August 31, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    Well my rebound relationship after my divorce (married for 9 years with 3 kids) led to a second marriage. I reconnected with someone I knew from high school and still had mutual friends with. The short story is that I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist that was very good at manipulation and saying and doing whatever they needed to get what they wanted. I felt so connected in the beginning and even to the point that we moved in together after 8 months dating and one breakup. I had 3 kids, he had 2 from a past relationship (but never married). We combined houses and families, then we got married and I was miserable from that moment on. In my gut I knew it wasn’t right and it wouldn’t last but I thought it was just paranoia and being hard on myself from my first marriage and divorce. The second divorce with no shared children ended up worse than the first. We filed right before our year anniversary and did everything on our own without lawyers. I thought we were amicable and in agreement but I’m still dealing with him 7 months after our divorce was finalized. I am so much harder on myself the second time because I should have “know better” I don’t know what that really means but it’s what goes through my head. My finances are a mess, my life is in limbo because of the choices I made the second time around. BUT things did come full circle and I am now dating the man I should have been with when I first met my second husband. We’ve been dating for almost a year and this truly is the best relationship and partner I’ve ever had. You do live and learn, although you still go through some of the same stages for example when things are new and maybe you speak up less and hold back more because you don’t want to hurt or let the other person down. Once the newness wears off you continue to learn more about each other and it is the good, the bad and the ugly. LOL But the ugly really is minor compared to what I’ve weathered in the past. It is still hard to leave the past in the past sometimes. Finding a supportive and understanding partner to help you through is important and feels like a miracle! Being able to trust and confide in your partner is also an amazing new experience and feeling for me. The best part is that it was all natural and easy, nothing was forced. I was certainly jaded about love and marriage, I swore I’d never do it again, never fall, never marry. I can honestly see my current boyfriend as a true partner and friend and lover and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Maybe we’ll get married someday, maybe we won’t but either way I can see happily ever after this time. <3

  63. tasha on September 4, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    i couldn’t believe that i would ever be re-unite with my ex-lover, i was so traumatize staying all alone with no body to stay by me and to be with me, but i was so lucky one certain day to meet this powerful spell caster Dr. Ododo, after telling him about my situation he did everything humanly possible to see that my lover come back to me, indeed after casting the spell my ex-lover came back to me less than 24 hours, my ex-lover came back begging me that he will never leave me again,2 months later we got engaged and married ,if you are having this same situation just contact Dr Ododo on his email:ododothehelpman@gmail.com thanks very much sir for restoring my ex-lover back to me, his emai:ododothehelpman@gmail.com

  64. Andre Joyce on September 6, 2016 at 4:44 am

    Just few weeks ago I saw a comment about Dr. Ekpen Temple, someone talking about how he has help him in his relationship break up, I also contacted him because i was facing the same problem in my relationship, today i can boldly recommend Dr. Ekpen Temple to someone who is also facing break up in his or her relationship to contact him for help today because he has help me restore my relationship back to normal, here is he contact details (ekpentemple @ gmail. com)

  65. Michelle Cebrero on September 12, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    After being married for 11 years, my husband decided he needs to leave me, he said I made him miserable, and now he’s a changed man and wanted a free life, I felt so hurt because I loved him so much as I did the day we were married, he was always a lovely man whom would do anything for me and the kids. I have begged him to come back and told him I will do anything for him and he can have the life of freedom to do what he wants as long as he comes home to his family. I had no other option than to contact Lord Lugard from the miracle Temple which I met his spells online, and he did helped me to cast a spell, and that was the end of all my pains and heart break. In just 24 hours after the spell cast, my ex-husband called me to tell me how much he missed me and told me he would spend his life with me forever. Now im so happy because my husband is back to my life again. Contact him through his email for similar issues: miracletemple@ live . com

  66. GR on October 2, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    I know this post is old but I wanted to comment. I was dating my husband for 8 yrs and married for 7. But things started getting bad 5 yrs ago. I just lost love for him. He was always out and a lot of infidelity. Also verbal abuse that everyone around me noticed but me. So I just have no feelings anymore. He tried changing but it was a little too late. I have 3 kids 16, 14 and 1. I’m only 33. I just feel like I will never find anyone as a single mom. Is this considered being stable since it was my decision or is it best to wait a while?

    • Virginia on October 8, 2016 at 12:14 am

      My name is Virginia Khin I can’t explain this but I just have to share my joy and happiness with the world I don’t know how High priest tokubo helped me in bringing back my husband. I have been frustrated for the past 2 years with my two kids living without my husband who surprisingly left home with a girl named Rose. One faithful day a friend of mine came visiting and I told her about the situation I am in for the past two years, she then told me about High priest tokubo that he is a very powerful man, at first I never wanted to believe her because I have spent a lot going to different places but she convinced me, so I had no choice because I really need my husband back. So we contacted High priest tokubo who told me all I needed to do and i give him a trial. But the greatest joy in me today is that High priest tokubo was able to bring my husband back to me and now we are living happily as never before. Thanks to you High priest tokubo If you have problems of any kind I will advise you to contact him via ( highpristtokubo AT gmail com )

  67. Virginia on October 8, 2016 at 12:15 am

    My name is Virginia Khin I can’t explain this but I just have to share my joy and happiness with the world I don’t know how High priest tokubo helped me in bringing back my husband. I have been frustrated for the past 2 years with my two kids living without my husband who surprisingly left home with a girl named Rose. One faithful day a friend of mine came visiting and I told her about the situation I am in for the past two years, she then told me about High priest tokubo that he is a very powerful man, at first I never wanted to believe her because I have spent a lot going to different places but she convinced me, so I had no choice because I really need my husband back. So we contacted High priest tokubo who told me all I needed to do and i give him a trial. But the greatest joy in me today is that High priest tokubo was able to bring my husband back to me and now we are living happily as never before. Thanks to you High priest tokubo If you have problems of any kind I will advise you to contact him via ( highpristtokubo@gmail com )

  68. Bern Haun on October 10, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    WOW!! This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 8TH October 2016, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called High priest tokubo on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. No body would have been able to convince me about magical spells, not until High priest tokubo did a marvelous work for me and restored my marriage of 6 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me within two days just as i read on the internet..i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my wife kneel down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept her back.. I am really short of words and joy, and i don’t know how much to convey my appreciation to you High priest tokubo you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful man once again..contact him now on.[ highpristtokubo@ gmail com ]

  69. Yadanar on October 25, 2016 at 4:44 am

    I want to appreciate priest tokubo for helping me to get back my ex with his powerful power, i tried all i could within my power to get my ex back but no result until i found a testimonies of how tokubo helped people to get thier ex back online,now am happy with joy in my heart to share this good news that am living a happy life with my ex now because my ex is back to me. for my major purpose is to inform those that are in need of getting their ex back to get in touch with this great man, priest tokubo and be happy in thier relationship just as i am….for help you can also get in touch with him by visiting his web site through his web site, all you need to do is to type, highpriesttokubo.wordpress. com on your browser you will be directed to his web site. Thank you once again priest tokubo.

  70. Mike on November 1, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    I was abandoned by my wife this July. I came home from work and she had already taken the kids and had filed for divorce. I feel very naive saying that I had no clue this was coming but in retrospect there had been many issues for years even though we never had major arguments and slept in the same bed for 23 years until the day she left. The intimacy had been gone for a while.
    I met someone after several months of being separated. We shared many common challenges with our separate families. It did feel that when I was with her nothing else mattered. The intimacy and physical part of it was/is unbelievable. Everything about it is so intense.
    I am not exactly sure where it is going at this point.
    Reading this post scared me a bit because if you want to put yourself out there at some point there will be that first relationship after a divorce/break up. Are all first relationships going to scar me for the rest of my life?

  71. Florence Nicholas on November 3, 2016 at 10:59 pm

    I want to say about my 19 years marriage experience, my husband was addicted to drugs and women. I have been coping with this kind of marriage and bearing everything hopping that he will change. I have 3 kids for him, i could not bear it anymore. I prayed to God and also seek for other advice from marriage counselor but things were still the same. I later got an information from a friend that a spell caster can really save my marriage, i have never believed spell casting but my friend convinced me to contact Priest Ajigar and i really contacted him, after everything was done to my surprise he was gradually changing for good in just 5 days after he finished everything in his temple. He has change finally now and he is now a very responsible husband. Here is Priest Ajigars email: priestajigaspells @ live . com Its great to have my husband back on this Xmas season, he can spend so much time with his family. If you are facing problems in your marriage or having difficulties in getting your partner back after breakup.

  72. Linda Russell on November 18, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I am Linda Russell from USA, after 13years in marriage with my husband, he divorced me and brought in another lady, i did all i could to get him back but all proved abortive, until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet who helped her in a similar issue at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted him he helped me cast a re-unite spell and within 3days. Contact this great spell caster on your relationship or marriage problems. contact on his Email:laskaspiritualtemplegmail@.com

  73. Bethany on November 23, 2016 at 8:43 am

    Yes, divorce is not so pleasant thing, but in any case, life goes on and maybe the divorce was for better.

  74. Kim on December 5, 2016 at 2:14 am

    I celebrated my third year Marriage anniversary yesterday, i can remember it was lord episkey that help me. We broke up when we were dating few years back and i tried all ways to get him back to me but nothing work and after trying all means i had to sick for the help of lord episkey because i heard and saw so many testimonies about him on a blog site, i had to consult him for help too and he brought him back to me in just 4 days after the counsel, prayers and spell was done in his temple he was back to me and we got married after 3 months. Yesterday we celebrated our 3th year marriage anniversary , we have been living together as husband and wife after lord episkey brought him back to me, we are still living together peaceful till date and we have a boy. Here is his email(lordepiskeypyhia@gmail.com) if you want to contacted him concerning your relationship problem. I’m so very happy and i just want you all to know that he is very powerful and can change your situation.

  75. J Bridgelal on December 12, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    I am going the same thing right now, we never shared the same friend or anything else but it hurts like hell. Thank you for writing this posting it’s helped me.

  76. Shayne on December 15, 2016 at 7:49 am

    I am so happy and full of joy right now. friends
    I have something to share with you..my boyfriend and I were separated for a long period due to some misunderstanding, I came across different spell casters and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a spell caster called High priest tokubo, who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn’t believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his contact::::highpriesttokubo @ gmail. com….if you need his help on getting your ex back, stop your marriage from crumbling, or you need success in every aspect of your life. He is really a good spell caster.

  77. Charles Woods on December 24, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Am Charles Woods am from USA, there is this spell caster from africa his name is DR LAGI he help me get back my ex with in 24hrs I got his email online and I email him and he said if I trust him that my ex will come back so I told him that I trusted him so the next day I had a knock on my door to my greatest surprise it was Kate my ex so all thanks to DR LAGI here are many other spell he can cast

    SPELL TO STOP YOUR EX FROM CHEATING
    SPELL TO GET BACK YOUR EX
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    If you are interested email him urgently
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  78. Trina Kirby on January 4, 2017 at 9:23 pm

    Trina Kirby

  79. CP on January 7, 2017 at 1:37 pm

    I am really glad I found your article this morning. I too am in Manhattan, and I can identify with walking around Manhattan depressed. Im 41 and divorced for 6 years. I have been in two LTR relationships since my divorce. The first was rushed and I didnt fall as deeply in love. My last LTR, which ended last August, was one of the most painful experiences I have experienced from a break up.

    I met this beautiful girl on the street in Manhattan by chance, 10 years my junior. Single, no kids, here temporarily from another country, executive in a major firm. We dated for about 8 months. In that time we traveled extensively, to VT, DC, CA, UK and Puerto Rico. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever dated. She was everything I had ever wanted in a woman. We fell in love after a few months of being together, and we expressed that to each other. I dated a lot since my divorce, have been in a few long term relationships and a marriage, and I truly thought I found the one.

    I was so used to my single bachelorhood, that when we tried to go exclusive, I could not comply. I was still chatting with a few former GF’s, and she threatened to leave me. I begged her to stay, and our relationship deteriorated from there. I made a few other mistakes, and she was dissatisfied and showed it. Putting me down in front of friends and family, openly flirting with other men in front of me, etc etc. We flamed out hard. It ended on one of our trips with a serious argument. I made a serious mistake that I regret to this very day.

    We ended 5 months ago and I still think about her every day. This morning I saw her on Tinder, and it brought up so many emotions, after being no contact for 5 months. Your article made me see that I had never mourned the loss of my ex wife. When I divorced I mourned the loss of my family, and not the loss of the relationship with my ex wife. We had a very similar relationship to this one. We met, we clicked, we fell in love fast, we traveled, saw the world together and loved intently and intensely.

    Now I think about my ex every day, and we have gone completely no contact for 5 months. In that time I have gone through major upheavals in my professional life, and my parents are nearing their deathbeds. We haven’t talked in over 5 months and it is over, but I have to think this is related to mourning the loss of my marriage as well. If anything I learned to treat any loving relationship with the utmost care. I think I will be better off, and grateful I had a learning experience, but sad it was at the expense of someone I loved, and for a while, loved me too.

    • Emma on January 8, 2017 at 9:23 am

      Thanks for your thoughtful note, and I’m glad this was helpful.

  80. ВалокСаратов on February 13, 2017 at 5:11 am

    RE:Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad | WealthySingleMommy with Emma Johnson Валок Amazone Чадан

    • joseph on February 27, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      Revenge Your Ex

      Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
      variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
      Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
      vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like “Get Revenge On Your Ex”
      for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

      So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
      nude photos of her and so on.

      The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
      life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
      past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
      enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
      that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
      them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It’s much
      better to show you are indifferent and don’t care.

      According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
      helping men find young beautiful foreign women, “The best revenge is to date
      or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
      end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
      woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
      or more successful.

      I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
      Russia.” says Agee, “The client told me that two days on our tour was better
      than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
      you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

      I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
      a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
      that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
      thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
      with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
      pounds. I don’t look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
      who saved me from my ex and years of suffering.” This is the best a revenge
      when you win without lowering yourself.

      Other sites like “Get Over Her Now” give practical advice and tips for
      getting over a past relationship.

      Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

      Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
      young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
      game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
      opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
      environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

      Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

      Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
      confidence.

      Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don’t let a break up effect
      your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
      with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
      and help attract better quality women.

      Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
      depressed, don’t sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
      something that will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Take a
      class, go hiking, fix something you’ve been putting off.

      Don’t start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
      life. Don’t drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
      one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
      something, don’t drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
      someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

      Don’t sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
      can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
      up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
      depressed.

      Don’t binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
      and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
      attracted to.

      Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
      realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
      someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
      seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!

  81. Stephen on March 15, 2017 at 12:03 am

    I gave my girlfriend everything all my love, my heart, my body, my soul and she hurt me over and over again till I finally had enough. I left her but after a short while I discovered she’s with someone else and it was tearing me apart that i could not endure it but to find a solution which i did by contacting a man named Dr.Mack by his email address dr.mac@yahoo. com, after 3 days, my relationship was resolved, my girlfriend is mine again and she is never gonna leave again, i am so excited
    Stephen. Louisiana

  82. lacy bern on March 16, 2017 at 3:20 am

    High priest tokubo. Thank you! My husband is back to me and things are going much better now with us. As you said, Truly you are a good spell caster. God Bless You! High priest tokubo is good in bringing ex back and he also cure all kind of diseases or infection. If you really want your lover back contact high priest tokubo today. Once again thank you so much for your sincere work for me. contact him on: Highpriesttokubo@gmailcom, Throughly you are good spell caster.

  83. Ellaboateng on March 17, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    I gave my Ex all my love, my heart, my body and soul but what did i get in return heart break over and over again and it was tearing me apart that i could not endure it but to find a solution which i did by contacting a man called high priest tokubo whom my friend told me to contact. When i contact the man and explain my situation to him, After 24 hours my ex came back to me. I don’t know about any other spell cast but If you really want your lover back or you want to restore your relationship to normal get in touch wit high priest tokubo bcos he is the best man to meet. reach him through (Highpriesttokubo @ gmail. com);. I am so excited

  84. Rox on May 8, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    I got married two years ago, and then it was sweet’ in the beginning after a year and few months, I gave birth to a male child. at that moment I started facing spiritual falsies in my life, along the process automatically my husband changed his attitude coming home lately and all sort of meaningless things, After a while he said he can’t live under the same roof with me and he left the home. my life was in hell starting from the day my man left home he stopped picking my calls he blocked me on his Facebook account, And i had no other option than to seek for spiritual assistance because sometimes i use to watched some magical things on movies. Finally i found a restoration centre were I seek for help! After i seek help from restoration home my husband found way back home peacefully. I’m so much grateful everything has finally settled. i sheared my testimony to everyone whom need assistance to restore marriage or restore your relationship in order. you can contact him if you also want your ex back here is priest tokubo email contact him for restoration.. highpriesttokubo @ gmail. com

  85. dummyname on May 16, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    i’m a guy — i’m going through the break-up of my first relationship after my divorce. i’ve never felt this kind of pain or emptiness. I think you really are onto something — that divorces are so messy and contentious that there’s no time to actually just miss someone. i came to the personal conclusion — before i read this article — that perhaps i am just older, and the sadness is mixed with anxiety about the future. but what you’re saying makes a lot of sense as well.

    • Emma on May 17, 2017 at 9:35 am

      That is something I hadn’t considered: ” i am just older, and the sadness is mixed with anxiety about the future”

  86. Jerry Crane on May 24, 2017 at 8:49 am

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  87. Katie on July 12, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    my husband has been doing a lot behind me which i don’t know about but thanks to HD for helping me hacking his phone for knowing all he has been doing behind me, if you need someone to help you here, mail hackdemon4 @ g mail. com .. they offer lots of hacking services,
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  88. 1stWorldNews on August 10, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    Trump Brings Prestige to the Mail Order Bride Industry.

    For years, International Marriage Services had to live with the stigma of being referred to as Mail Order Bride services. However, many consider the term “mail-order bride” derogatory and feel it demeans foreign women by comparing them to commodities for sale and falsely implying that (unlike local women), they exercise no judgment over the men they meet and would marry anyone from a relatively wealthy country. Even with the foreign women being labeled as mail order brides these companies have grown in popularity for the past two decades, largely due to the internet. The industry grew at such a fast pace it caught the attention of the US senator Maria Cantwell of Washington State, who in 2006 she pushed a bill through congress known as IMBRA or International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act. Although the intent of Senator Cantwell was clearly meant to put Foreign Bride Companies out of business by severely restricting how men communicate with foreign women. In the end, the companies flourished under the new regulations as these business quickly modified their business models.

    Kenneth Agee, marketing Director for A Foreign Affair one of the largest so called Mail Order Bride Companies says, “We have always had to overcome this label. Since Trump announced his candidacy for president of the United States, the industry saw a significant increase in upscale business men looking for foreign brides. Once he became president, Trump made it the new status symbol of success to be married to an eastern European women. With First Lady Melanie Trump in the White House, opinions about foreign women have dramatically changed. Once men were scorned upon to be married to a women from Russian or the Ukraine, now is seen as prestigious. And we are seeing huge increase of men seeking foreign brides, our client base is up by more than 200% since Trump has taken office. This month alone we will be taking over 100 American men to the Ukraine, mostly very successful executives.” Beside online matchmaking, the company arranges group tours for men that will travel to countries throughout the world. During these tours the men will meet hundreds of pre-screened women during what A Foreign Affair calls “Social Events” or what Kenneth calls speed dating on steroids.

    Critics say these women are just used as arm trophies for business men in America. That men take advantage of the women’s circumstances, both economical and geographical. Kenneth argues, “I would hardly say Melanie Trump has been taken advantage of or refer her to as a Mail Order Bride. Women choose just like the men choose, we are all adults and are responsible for our own choices. It is just that men in America have a good reputation for the way we treat women and how we take care of our families. This opens the door to the men to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world.”

    Trump is not the only high profile person to marry a foreign women, Jeb Bush met his wife in Mexico. Rupert Murdoch former CEO of Fox News married Wendi Deng from China, and the list goes on.

    If Trump accomplishes nothing else during his presidency he has clearly helped one Industry.

  89. Amber Lennox on August 13, 2017 at 4:59 am

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  90. Ashlyn Milbrett on August 25, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Akpe Osilama brought life to me again by bringing my lovely husband back to me. i sort the help of a spell caster because my marriage problem seems to be bigger than counseling, understanding and all the things relationship is built up. Akpe brought back my husband to me with his spells. Are you out there and you want to save your relationship contact this email chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast@yahoo. com

  91. Shelly on October 6, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Dr. Todd, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for all of your work and effort. I requested a 2nd Degree binding love spell and received the strengthen our relationship love spell as my free spell and within 3 days Sam was back and home with me and we are finally talking about marriage and kids! I cannot thank you enough for your spell casting services! I have already recommended two friends to you for help with their love lives!!! e-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail. com or manifestspellcast@yahoo. com

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  92. Leann Crane on October 18, 2017 at 1:11 am

    I NEED A GENUINE SPELL CASTER TO HELP ME WIN A LOTTERY: CONTACT DOCTOR OCUSODO NOW DROCUSODOSPELLCASTER@GAMIL. COM HE IS THE BEST OF ALL

    My name is Leann Crane i!!! i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i win the lottery. I am a woman who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email Dr OCUSODO. and tell him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decide to give it a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i won ( FIVE MILLIONS DOLLARS) Dr. OCUSODO i truly you are the best, with these man you can will millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful to you. Email him for your own winning lottery numbers (drocusodospellcaster@gmail. com) or (drocusodospellcaster@yahoo. com)

  93. Raymond Ellerbe on October 23, 2017 at 8:18 am

    A testimony on how i won lottery with the help of Dr. OCUSODO

    Good day everybody, Please i want you all to stop whatever you are doing right now and read this testimony. I am Raymond Ellerbe from United Kingdom…I won Lottery of 120,000 Pounds last week in Nsw 6 pool from 38 lottery play.I was introduced to a spell caster called Dr. OCUSODO his email is (drocusodospellcaster@gmail. com) a month ago by a colleague who he helped with marriage and financial issues.All what he said and what he promised to do really happened.I never believed in magic or spells because i thought they were mostly the same acts or tricksters until i met him,everything changed,it exists but only in the right hands and with it everything is possible.I don’t know how to pay him for this but i really hope i can do something important and special for him I bought him a good car but not enough i guess by telling other people how i became rich now, he is good in love spell, get your ex back, HIV spell, Pregnancy Spell And other spell if you are in need of any help contact him here drocusodospellcaster@yahoo. com.

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  94. Belinda Garcia on October 28, 2017 at 12:42 am

    I will try to make this short as possible. In July I found out that my husband of almost 17yrs was having an affair and he actually brought this woman to my home. I was devastated to say the least. I met my husband 18yrs ago and he swept me off my feet and we got married 11months after we met. We had a great marriage (I thought) we have two beautiful boys. In 2015 we moved 800 miles away to a very small town due to his job. I quit my high paying job at a company that I had worked at for 14yrs to move away from my family and job/career to be a stay at home mom. Then here we are 2 and 1/2 years later going through a divorce and no job. I felt schizophrenic going through all of these emotions from acceptance, to denial, to how can this be and back again. I tried all the best effort i could to get him back from this woman whom he was having an affair with, and make him see how much i love to be with him. but he insisted he never wanted to be with me anymore. It was almost 4 months since he started living with this other woman, then i decided to use Lord Lugard spells for help because i had no other choice and i felt everything was lost to me. I had the most wonderful and happy marriage after using his spell in just 24 hours, and that was how my marital life was fixed back to its right track. If you are one of the people who is in a loveless and unhappy marriage that cannot be salvaged (and you can only determine that by being very honest with yourself), believe me…there IS light at the end of this tunnel. Here is Email: miracletemple@live. com

  95. CLARA BENJAMIN on October 30, 2017 at 6:33 am

    HOW DR MACK HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX HUSBAND BACK TO ME

    hello to the every one on this forum ; am here to share my experience with Dr Mack about what he just did for me last week , for helping to reunited with my ex lover Mavis who broke up with me after 2 years of relationship because of his families did not like our relationship . but after Dr Mack did a wonderful work for me i was so shock my boyfriend called me asking me to come back to him saying he is ready to stay with me and beg his families to love our relationship, so with this great work done for me by Dr Mack i promise not to stop telling others about his good work in my life , so if any one also need his help here i will advice you contact him to via ( dr_mack@ yahoo. com )

    CLARA BENJAMIN _ CANADA

  96. Philip Taylor on November 8, 2017 at 5:00 am

    Contact: drocusodospellcaster@gmail. com for Urgent lottery winner Fast, VERY POWERFUL:100% GUARANTEED RESULTS I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr.OCUSODO for helping me to win the lottery.I have been playing lottery for the past 8 years now and the only big money I have ever won was 800$ ever since then I have not been able to win again and I was so upset and I need help to win the lottery so I decided to go to a friend of mine call Robert,and he introduce me to Dr. OCUSODO, there I saw so many good talk about this man called Dr. OCUSODO of how he have cast spell for people to win the lottery.I contact him also and I tell him I want to win a lottery, he cast a spell for me which I use and I play and won 80million GBP. I am so grateful to this man just in case you also need him to help you win, you can contact him through his email: drocusodospellcaster@gmail. com is my part of promise I made, that if I win I tell the word how I win my game. drocusodospellcaster@yahoo. com

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  98. Raymond Sandra on January 18, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Sandra Raymond am from United State. my boyfriend Williams left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when I was 19 years old. A friend of mine Kido Matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr OCUSODO that he can bring back lover, I laugh it out and said I am not interested but bmight need the help of this great priest here is the email address: drocusodospellcaster@gmail. com or drocusodospellcaster@yahoo. com

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  100. Jesse on March 7, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    I was in total despair when I found Dr. Todd. My life was going terrible and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I had just gone through a rough divorce, wasn’t making enough money to sustain me and my children, and my 17 year old son had just gone to jail for the first time. When I talked to him, I immediately found a sense of peace. He was very honest with me and I could feel that. He also told me that everything would be okay. After my work began, things began to change. My bills were all caught up, the relationship I was in became much stronger, I was never FLAT broke, and my son was released from jail earlier than we expected!! I also completely got over the failed marriage and began to move on. And, received a better position at my job which will cause an $800 per month increase!! I felt completely comfortable with the work that was being done because I was always encouraged by Dr. Todd. manifestspellcast@gmail. com is the BEST!!!!

  101. phoenix men on May 25, 2018 at 12:54 am

    You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you.

  102. lkin on May 29, 2018 at 8:05 am

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  103. Ilissa on June 2, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    This is what I’m going Through now and you literally summed up every ounce of my emotions in this article

  104. Meg on June 16, 2018 at 8:40 am

    Nailed it! My post divorce breakup is 2 weeks fresh. In my attempt to find some kind of answer to this gut wrenching pain my google search lead me to your blog, in turn bringing much insight, along with uncontrollable rain drop sized tears and a few laughs. Much appreciated!

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  107. jane on June 23, 2018 at 2:23 pm

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  112. Lorri on September 12, 2018 at 11:10 pm

    This article helped me to look st the breakup from a different perspective. I was married for 39 years to the only guy I had ever dated and then it fell apart. I felt discarded, rejected, ugly and alone. Then after the hardest year of my life, along comes this fascinating, intelligent, incredibly sexy guy. We dated for 8 intense weeks of great sex, long talks and romantic moments where he told me all the wonderful things he loved about me. And then it ended. It felt like being thrown away for a 2nd time and pushed me back a few steps in my recovery. This has given me such food for thought as to what REALLY hurt and what I was REALLY grieving. Thank you.

  113. Stacie on October 2, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Thank you for this. It gives a lot of insight to a situation I didn’t know was so common after divorce. This really made me feel a little better.

  114. Someone's Rose on October 5, 2018 at 9:55 am

    I’m in post divorce relationship at the moment, have been for 2 years. It has been the most exhilarating and confusing two years. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the good side and sometimes I feel like “holy shit why am I here”. I say that because when I was married, I was the money maker, decision maker, strong (maybe forceful at times) to get shit done. Then this relationship I’m in now, this man handles everything and I feel like the meek and weak female. I still don’t know how to adjust and it pisses me off. Hell, last week I was so somber at work I thought I was going to get picked for a random drug screen. I am worn out of being in my damn head. I’m tired of beating myself up mentally. How the hell do I finally overcome this vail of being meek and weak?

    Anyway, I appreciate your article. I’ve been looking for something like this for a long time. Thank you to everyone who has commented. I haven’t been able to read everything but plan to today.

  115. Jason Bayne on October 30, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    Has anyone realized that Emma left her Husband after he got hurt?

    What ever happened to the Wedding Vows of;

    “For Better or Worse, In SICKNESS and In Health”???

    What a quitter.

  116. SOPHIE WHITE on December 10, 2018 at 9:44 am

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  117. Elizabeth Flores on December 12, 2018 at 1:14 pm

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  118. Sara Tate Heffler on December 13, 2018 at 4:04 am

    My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We’ve been through a lot emotionally together. There were several HUGE fights and painful situations in our marriage, but we always seemed to come out stronger on the other side. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me, I was totally depressed until I found Lord Lugards website online and i ordered for a Love spell. You won’t believe my husband called me at the exact time this spell caster finished his spell work in 24hours. I was totally amazed! He is wonderful and his spells work so fast. His Email: Miracletemple@ live. com.

  119. Susan Bullock on December 13, 2018 at 4:12 pm

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