31 reasons being a single mom is AWESOME (according to readers)

single mom enjoying life

 

A while ago a member of Single Mom Society on Facebook said: “I'm a new mom, expecting in a few months. What POSITIVES can you tell me about single motherhood?” I responded with a few points, and invited other members to share. Here is what we said:

From me why being a single mom is awesome:

  • You can do what you want. Especially if you are a solo parent, you don't have to negotiation about much at all.
  • You can date!
  • Sex is better after motherhood. New relationship with your body + not giving a shit any more = AWESOME SEX. 
  • You can have a great perception of life that you will model for your child. You've gone through it. You know that all those ‘perfect' families are secretly quirky at best, probably disintegrating, and your friends all confide in you their messed-up marriages, dysfunctional sex lives and all the other perfectly normally messy human foibles.

From other mamas why being a single mom is awesome:

  • You can live…. Bloom and grow any way that you want to. There's freedom, beauty, bravery, strength and grace.
  • The wonderful bond you & your child will have!!!! My relationship with my daughter is AWESOME & we are extremely close. & I know single parenting is to “blame.”
  • You get to see just how strong and smart you were all along! You will appreciate the good stuff more and forget about the distractions. You will find many people who will love and look out for you:)
  • I love that I don't have to share her! I'm already so proud of my little nugget. She has a great personality, and I'm so excited for what comes next! I can't wait to see what kind of person she becomes. I'm happy too that single motherhood I think has given me the kick in the butt I needed to really go for it. It's not just my life that my laziness affects now. I want to stand on my own two feet, and provide an awesome life for her!
  • You get to see how your family and friends will rally around to support you and your little one!
  • You don't have the expectation of how the other person will act/behave so don't have to face the disappointment when it doesn't look/feel like you thought it would. I don't say that to be cynical, I appreciate that I already know that I have to do it all and can prepare accordingly. Expectations of others can be a real bitch.
  • You will fall in love with your village and yourself. It might not happen right away, but when you look back a month, 6 months, a year out…you start to say to yourself, “Hey! I can do this!” You will learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of strength and in the asking you will learn how loved you are. I became a single mom without planning to do so and have been on my own from day 1. It was tough. There were a lot of tears and a lot self-doubt…but I have to say, once I let go of the life I thought I SHOULD have, I was able to start to fall in love with the one I never imagined.
  • sell engagement ring

  • You learn to talk to yourself, question yourself, your motives, your joys, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, you learn what works, what doesn't – you know you need to make it work for you and your little one and in that process you go way out your comfort zone and you learn so much about yourself.You know your weak spots and how to handle them and you really get to know your strengths and how to handle them. For me its just like a big network of super exciting tunnels of depth and you learn every minute. Damn, you feel alive!
  • My relationship with my kids is very personal since I became a single mom. In the years since the divorce, I feel like my kids know “me” beyond just who I am to them as a parent. When I was married, I was part of mom and dad. Now, they see me independently. We talk about my job, my goals, even my date prospects (my 8 yo daughter likes to scrolling through e-dating prospects with me, identifying guys she think would be a good match.) Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with the work of single parenting. But when I don't, I feel a stronger connection to my kids than I ever did before.
  • You can pick the name, the school, the clothes. If my kid wants to play wearing my bra and a sparkly hat (which he has done) he gets to play wearing my bra and a sparkly hat. I have the most INCREDIBLE bond with my son. We are a team. We have a wonderful village (many members of which we didn't meet until after he was born, fyi, in case you are worried about your current village or lack thereof.) But we went through a lot in the beginning (prematurity, adoption complications, etc) and we are stronger for it. Also it's just FUN. Singe mom often carries the image of a downtrodden woman struggling to make ends meet. And while there are certainly shades of that sometimes, it is FUN. I didn't have to make dinner for anyone when he was a baby so I could sit on the couch or the floor and play with him and make faces to get him to laugh for HOURS if I wanted. Now that he's older, we can take off when we want and go to the zoo, the children's museum. We aren't accountable to anyone but us. Becoming a solo parent was THE BEST thing I could have done with my life.
  • And although there have been times where I've felt overwhelmed, he is so wonderfully awesome that he reminds me every day of my very important job as his mama. I have a tattoo with an anchor and his name. He's the thing that has always motivated me to stay grounded, make the hard choices, and even if i slip up, knowing he needs me brings me back to reality to keep pushing on. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • You certainly become a master at time management and this skill migrates to all areas of life. The motivation to work effectively skyrockets. And my self esteem went up. Not immediately, but really soon :) .
  • You “know” more about relationships once you've been on both sides of love.
    Knowing more + integrating the good of what you've learned = wisdom.
  • When your little one is sleeping you can do what you want, watch what you want on TV (Bravo is my lame addiction that no straight man would understand), eat what you want, not shave your legs, burp, fart, etc. You decide how to parent- no arguments on religion, diet, schools, daycare, health, etc. YOU will be an excellent role model for your child – I love the idea of a 2-parent household – but it's not always ideal – you can show your child how one person CAN do it all. Even in great relationships the person can still die – and leave you alone – so proving to your child that you can is amazing. No other person to clean up after.
  • You don't have to share the closet or the bed.
  • I became a single mom when my oldest was 17 months and I was 5 months preggo with my second. There are struggles, to be sure, but there are so many positives too! I make the decisions and that means I get to take 100% credit for how wonderful my boys are. Proud mom here! Also, learning how to juggle, strategize, multi-task, and problem-solve makes me super confident and has extended into my work / career as well.
  • Travel is so much easier! Sure it's a lot to juggle, but everyone goes out of their way to help you when traveling. Also, the two of you can conquer anything, that's very empowering.
  • No Matter what, you are always stronger than you think you are. You will be amazed at what you can do.
  • If you move to a town where you thought your dreams would come true… and they don't… you can pick up and try somewhere else!! heart emoticonThere are so many positive things about being a single momma! I simply enjoy the small things, the times we share just her and I… each night after dinner when we cuddle on the couch together and talk about life… or the giggles when we're sleepy right before she falls asleep… The bond we have is so strong, it is truly like no other. And to watch her grow and thrive! She is so full of love, so happy. My heart overflows with love watching her!
  • I am more confident than ever before. I now know that I can accomplish anything. I can fix a leaky sink, change a car tire, but together a bike and run my own business that I never ever thought would be possible. I love that I am showing my girls that they can do anything with confidence and grace. You will be amazing and cherish every moment. Even the 3am moments as they will just be a blip in time.
  • One of my married best friends said she was jealous that when I had to breastfeed in the middle of the night I could turn on the lights and watch Netflix while she would carry the baby down the hallway and feed her in the dark and quiet so she wouldn't wake her husband up. A little thing but a perk! I also think as a single mom my friends and family really rally to make a community for my son when friends or family may not become as involved as much with married parents to avoid intruding or stepping on toes. I also think being a single mom gives me the incentive to make plans and do lots of activities with other people whereas my 4 married siblings seem to stay home with the kids and spouse. I feel like it has made my son really outgoing and open to new experiences and people.
  • I never have to explain or justify my parenting decisions. I get to show the kids what I think love is without it being tempered by someone else.
  • You get to create your own special traditions that are YOURS and yours alone with your child. You will come to find that you are surrounded by so much love and support, more than you ever thought was possible. It takes a village to raise a child and you will find your village. When you do, your heart will be so full and your child will be loved and cared for by so many. As your child gets older they will articulate their love for you and something in you will feel like bursting…with pride, inexplicable happiness, love…or as my 5 year old said to me, “Mama, I love you more than I can feel.” That right there makes all the challenging days worth it. The bond you will create with your child and have created while they have been in the womb will be one that no one can ever replicate. It is beyond special and your child feels it…each and every day!
  • People tell me all the time what a great little girl she is and guess what?! Here's the best part of parenting alone……I did that. No one but me gets the credit for raising a kickass little person.
  • When you aren't distracted by a relationship, it is SO much easier to understand what you need to do and devise a plan to do it. I found being single to be extremely motivating, and that I could realize my goals so much more easily. Logistics can still be hard, but when a relationship isn't healthy, or is just distracting, it can be even harder. Also, I found that in a relationship, because of the patriarchal society we live in, I could feel a palpable pressure to be more focused on my boyfriend's success, and that it was more important than my own. No more of that now!
  • You and others will be awe-struck by your strength and perseverance.
  • I wish I had known about all of this when I found out I was pregnant 13 years ago. I was so scared! No one had much positive to say to support me at all. Listen to the advice of these ladies! It may seem overwhelming, but you seriously can do this! You will have such a special bond with your child, that no one else will have or can replace! You get to what you want, how you want, when you want! You get to make the best choices for your child!!! All you need is some family and great girl friends to stand beside you, and you have all that you need!!!

 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

emma johnson family
Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list.

Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.

A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

About Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list. Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

21 Comments

  1. MsNikki on January 18, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    I laughed and cried at this, I can relate to it all. I remember feeling terrified two and a half years ago the night before I gave birth. This post would have been perfect in that moment. Taking on single parenthood – albeit finding yourself thrown unexpectedly in the deep end – truly is the most rewarding personal journey you can ever venture on. The challenges make the successes that much more sweet.

    • Emma on January 19, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      Well said – glad this resonated. xxx

    • jenifer on December 10, 2016 at 12:57 am

      you dumb bitch its not cool or good to be a single mom.

      • Lola on July 11, 2018 at 6:59 pm

        Someone is bitter!! Not every woman needs the security blanket of a man to be a great mother

      • Bea on July 13, 2018 at 2:26 am

        You missed the point jenifer, but for sure this paragraph…”There were a lot of tears and a lot self-doubt…but I have to say, once I let go of the life I thought I SHOULD have, I was able to start to fall in love with the one I never imagined.” Nobody said that being a single mom is “cool”, this is an article about support , love and finding beauty in being a single Mom. You are a sad girl jenifer.

    • Cheryl on April 28, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      Thank you so much for this article it helped decrease my fear and increase my strength and excitement for me and my 8 month old nugget

    • Tom on February 8, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      Single most reliable indicator of poverty in the US.

      • visnja on April 24, 2018 at 2:20 am

        I genuinly hope this trend of young children being left for whatever the reason to be raised by only one parent ceases, our culture here in states has never seen so much hardship for children are basically not as happy and eventually will seek and want the other parent and also experience deep insecurities about themselves simply because the other parent was not in their lives, kids feel something is wrong and automatically feel it is their fault the other parent is not around and in their lives.
        TO THE author of this article my dear friend and fellow mother, you should truly desire for your child to get to have the other parent in their lives as no matter how imperfect they may be, their presence will add tremendeous stability and confidence in your child and your little nugget would feel complete knowing there is that very important connection in their lives, never berate the importance of two parents…. or life will never have been rigged that way … Visnja

    • visnja on April 24, 2018 at 2:10 am

      This article is SAD at very best, trying to make the single parenting into this beautiful thing which naturally is not. This mother if she really thinks as genuine parent will not say or think ” I am so happy not to share my nugget with the other parent “. So many reasons to explain why other parent is not needed, if that is the case we all will be raised ideally with only mom and dad and be without other parent our most formative and most important time of our lives. How could you glorify single parenting, it is not true!!
      Ideally we know truth is kids do best with both biological parents, definitely, without fail. Kids need both mom and dad. They DO. This is the fact. Lets simply acknowledge this. If we end up without the other spouse for whatever reason and alone in raising our child we certainly do our best we certainly try to compensate for those things the other parent would do.

      • Emma on April 27, 2018 at 2:45 pm

        Shame on you to judge. No one is glorifying single parenting, and in most cases it is not the desired plan, but it happens. A toxic relationship between parents in front of children is far more damaging- I think many can concur given the low rates of divorce in the past! Single motherhood is filled with tons of work, guilt, struggles- but with the right support system and attitude, it can be liberating and positives for the mother and for the children. A happy parent makes for happy children. I agree- how the parents handle the separation and communication to child is vital for the child well being- and it would be encouraged (if possible) for both parents to take a co-parenting class or even counseling. However, for your comment, it was hurtful to me and I’m sure many women, but I wont give it another thought after this and Ill tell you why. Getting out of my marriage was both the toughest and best decision I have ever made in my life for BOTH me and my kids. I’m proud that they will see a happier me and their dad, see the strength in both of us, and not be exposed to dysfunctional relationship/family life just for the sake of having two parents @ home and to satisfy society and people like you! Shame, shame, shame

        • Lola on July 11, 2018 at 7:02 pm

          Well said, where do people get hay a child wants both parents when they are creating a living hell…

  2. Salina on May 17, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    Encouraging to women everywhere!

  3. Eliza on December 12, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    I get married at 18, right after my first daughter was born. She was so beautiful and sweet, she certainly did my days happier.
    As a teen, she became a smart, independent and brave little woman, until her dad started to belittle her. He’d call her fat and laugh at every single dream she had, saying she’d never be able to do that.
    It broke my heart every single time I saw the pain in her eyes, because she idolized her father so much.
    At the age of 14, my little princess, Casey, ran away. Took months to find her, and when we managed to get her back, she decided to move to her grandparents’ house, because she called our house “toxic”. After that, she stopped talking to us and we rarely saw her.
    I got divorced and never will forgive him for pushing me away from my daughter.
    I remarried and had five beautiful babies: four boys and a girl. We got divorced and I became a single mom. Best choice ever.
    The dad is still around but I’m mainly in charge, and it’s great. My kids are so happy and I wish I could have gave my daughter that opportunity.
    My girl is now a mom of her own and we are trying to fix our relationship, but it’s not easy.
    Anyway, what I mean is: SINGLE MOTHERHOOD ROCKS!!
    You can raise your kids how you want to, have sex with whoever you want to (bye, “is he the one?” pressure) and being able to leave your kids with daddy when you want to have a break.
    Love your blog Emma, it helped me so many times with my kids in the last couple years. Stay awesome!
    Xx

  4. Travis on February 9, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    Everyone of these items is either selfish as hell or nonsensical… me me me me….

  5. pam on February 17, 2017 at 8:28 am

    Well i have to say as a single mummy to 4 amazing children i found this post god awful to read and very disgraced if anyone has this reality as a single mum i mean come off it you get to do what u want when u want??? Really i cant take a shit in peace……you get to decide their name school etc…..so no father involved then?? Shamefull….my children love and respect their father and he has parental rights so has been and will be involved in all of these aspects…..you get to have awesome sex with whoever whenever??? Clearly im missing out NOT have some god damn reapect for yourself!! As a single parent of 4 amazing kids my kids come first i made that choice i chose to have my children and i will raise them to be the best they can be……when u have children its no longer about u!!!! Its about them i found this post to be very selfish all i saw was me, i, my….. i will never be this self centered parent…… real life of a single mummy….up at 6am get the kids organised get breakfast, their teeth brushed faces washed nappies changed for the baby…. get to school on time….home do washing, make beds do chores….get dinner preped… i run an at home cake business so may have to make a cake to pay some bills…. grocery shopping…..pick tribe up from school take them to gymnastics, cadettes… home get dinner…..homework….playtime….baths…. let them watch some tv until dishes are done….bedtime story then sleep at 8pm… this is where u run about like a lunitic…. have a coffee….run a bath….hoover…..pack school bags…organise clothes…..make sure shoes are polished….lunches done and in fridge….go in a bath and get to bed to get up and do it all again tomorrow…… when my children are away i catch up on ironing….make meals wash all their bedding so they come home to nice clean sheets….more grocery shopping…..might watch a movie but always fall asleep 10 minutes after it starts…..prepare to feel overwhelmed at times….prepare to feel tired and prepare to feel like your failing sometimes but ur not!! As for dating……not a chance i dont have time for it right now and i am happily content with that as i have my children and they need me more than i need a man……the real account of single motherhood from a more realistic point of view!!!!

    • Laurie on May 2, 2017 at 10:04 pm

      wow thanks a lot for taking any good or positive points out of being a single parent. I read a lot more here than being able to sleep with whoever you want!! Why didn’t you just tell everyone to go slit their wrists you damn negative nancy!!!!!

    • Ina on June 28, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      Sometimes the father doesnt want to be involve in the parenting. why she says pick up the school and those stuff. This is her and the baby. Maybe you are lucky enough to have a good relationship and kids respect their father and love him. Not everyone is that lucky and have to deal with motherhood completely alone

  6. Independent woman on May 11, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Only those who experience being single moms can relate …. love this ! And to all the haters out there ….get a life bc mothers/moms can do it all these days !!

    • Lola on July 11, 2018 at 7:05 pm

      Yes we can

  7. Jesse Murphy on July 28, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    Yes!!! I so agree. Us single moms rock!!!

  8. […] were so happy to be back with me. That was when I realized that motherhood and single-parenting could be the most rewarding things I would ever do. We never had a lot of money, but we had a lot of love and a lot of fun. We spent our summers […]

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