Hi Mama! CONGRATULATIONS on investing in YOU. Whether you have been a single mom for years, or are exploring what solo parenting is all about, the fact that you landed on this page is huge.
If you are new here, know that Wealthysinglemommy.com, and its founder Emma Johnson are committed to the following principles:
- Single mothers are capable of leading happy, abundant lives and families, regardless of how their families are structured.
- Today, most single mothers were never married, or had at least one baby outside of marriage. We're so over the presumption that all single moms are divorced moms.
- Financial autonomy is not only attainable for single moms, it is necessary for you to live your fullest life.
- You are free to explore all romantic pursuits your heart desires. In other words: Dating does not hurt your kids, and in fact, a mom who is fulfilled in her dating and sex life is a better mom. Rushing to get married is a bad look (and get real: marriage probably didn't work out for you the first time, so why the rush to repeat that model?!).
This page is your go-to guide for all the resources, tools and support you need to blow this shit UP!
- $500 Weekly Kickass Single Mom Stimulus Grant
- Millionaire Single Moms Facebook Group
- FREE Guide—15 Steps to Thriving as a Single Mom
- Take care of your mental health
- Buy life insurance
- Create or update a will / estate plan
- Set financial goals
- Declutter and sell your stuff for cash!
- More single mom resources
Apply for my $500 Weekly Kickass Single Mom Stimulus Grant
Started during the 2020 Covid-19 outbreak, this weekly grant supports single moms doing it alone. Apply here >>
Join the Millionaire Single Moms Facebook Group
First, if you're not already a member, join Millionaire Single Moms on Facebook. Rules include: No bitching, whining, man-bashing or being mean.
Not a week goes by when I do not receive an email, Instagram or Facebook message from a member of the group who says that the support of other single moms with similar goals of living a joyful life of financial independence, happy romantic life, and thriving family and self changed their lives.
All income levels and points in your journey are welcome. See you there!
Join the newsletter
My emails are full of inspiring stories, tools, tricks and instruction on how to build an incredible single-mom life.
Sign up now and get the FREE Guide—15 Steps to Thriving as a Single Mom:
Take care of your mental health
Everyone experiences stress, and millions of people struggle with emotional and mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, couples and relationship hardship, parenting questions, sleep issues and career and money woes.
Online therapy with BetterHelp is a wonderful asset for single moms, as it is a fraction of the cost of traditional, in-person counseling, and that you work with a licensed therapist through text, email, voice or video, you save the time of travel, or the need to hire a babysitter.
BetterHelp has an A+ Better Business Bureau rating, and prices starting at $35/week for unlimited messaging and a weekly live video session, with a 10% discount for Wealthy Single Mommy readers >>
Buy life insurance
I don’t care how broke you are, single moms need life insurance. Chances are, your kids are financially dependent on you. While you may not have a lot to invest in the future now, you can find life insurance for a very small sum — and protect your family
Bestow promises you will never have a medical or lab exam. With plans as low as $8 per month for policies up to $1 million. Bestow policies are issued by North American Company for Life and Health Insurance, a carrier rated A+ (Superior) by A.M. Best that was founded in 1886.
Create or update a will / estate plan
Every parent needs a will and estate plan. Not only will this ensure your family is taken care of in the event of your passing, but you enjoy peace of mind now.
Set financial goals
What you put out there comes back to you. Your prayers, hopes, gratitude. This is especially true of manifestations put out during tumultuous times when energy is being stirred up and tossed around.
Write down those goals and dreams. Sit with them. Feel how it will feel when they come to fruition. Picture what your life, your family, your heart and body will look like when that comes true.
Aim for a low-conflict, low-cost divorce
Whether you are dissolving a marriage, or ending a relationship with someone with whom you share kids, the less time, money and toxic energy you spend now means more time, money and positivity going forward.
While a divorce lawyer may be necessary in a minority of cases (those involving abuse or where there are many millions of dollars of assets involved), most couples can agree to settle their divorces amongst themselves, and usually file online — saving tens of thousands of dollars in divorce lawyer fees
Our #1 Online Divorce Service is CompleteCase provides all the legal documents you need for a divorce in your state, detailed instructions for filling them out and filing them online, for a total, flat fee of $299. CompleteCase allows you to store your documents online, share them with your spouse or an attorney (for final review), and know the company has an A Better Business Bureau rating.
Check out CompleteCase now >>
Declutter and sell your stuff for cash!
If it is an engagement ring, wedding ring or other estate, inherited or fine jewelry like a watch, necklace, bracelet, earrings or brooch, go to Worthy.com to sell your jewelry. Worthy is an A+ Better Business Bureau rated online auction, that insures all your jewelry for up to $100,000, tracks your item by Fedex, and provides each seller a FREE GIA lab report. Sell your jewelry with Worthy now >>
Worthy only works with sellers whose items will sell for $1,000 or more.
If you have gold, silver, smaller diamonds, as well as gold coins and bullion worth less than $1,000 unload these items for quick cash at the highest price with CashforGoldUSA — which has a BBB rating of A+ was found by a Fox Business investigation to pay 3X its competitors. CashforGoldUSA pays within 24 hours.
Get a free estimate immediately now with CashforGoldUSA's online calculator >>
Build your career / side gig
If you're building a side gig or crave a career you can do from home, or with a flexible schedule, my #1 favorite resource is FlexJobs online job search, a huge website started by a mom who wanted to help women find careers that make sense for their families and lives.
Track your money and set budgets (get real, mama!)
MoneyPatrol is our recommended budgeting app. Synch all your accounts, set budgets, get free alerts about spending and charges, and get a grip on your finances! FREE for 15 days. Try MoneyPatrol now >>
Credit score, credit repair, and paying off debt
Check your credit score for free using CreditKarma.com.
The Credit People offers an excellent program to clean up your credit score, remove errors and late payments, and get your credit score up ± for fees starting at $9.
Savings & checking accounts
Also, check out CIT Bank's online Money Market account for 1.8% APR (as of March 9, 2020).
Invest your money
Betterment is one of the leading robo-advisors, which use machine learning to offer superior investing tools, for very low fees.
Benefits of Betterment include:
- $0 minimum
- Fees starting at .25%
- Tax loss harvesting
- Better Business Bureau A+
- Get a free financial plan
- Access to human advisors
- New member promo: Up to 1 year managed free
- Socially responsible investing funds
- Betterment savings and checking accounts
House and home resources
Use New York Times's excellent tool to see if you should rent or buy a home: Rent or Buy Calculator
Aim for healthy co-parenting
While you may be really, really, (really fucking) angry at your ex now, it is so critical to focus on equally shared parenting whenever possible, and civilized, collaborative co-parenting.
OurFamilyWizard is one of the oldest, and most widely used co-parenting portals, mandated by judges in all 50 states and chosen by tens of thousands of divorced and separated families.
Our Family Wizard has a dynamic calendar, tools for sharing expenses, keeping track of school and medical information, and offers military discount, FREE 30-day trial, and fee waiver for low-income families. Plus you can add your lawyer, kids, grandparents, step-parents and others for no cost. Check out OurFamilyWizard now >>
Learn more: Best co-parenting apps of 2020
Whether you are looking to meet new people after years of dating, or just dipping your toe in the romance waters, online dating has been my own BFF when dating.
Our No. 1 recommendation is eHarmony, which is consistently rated the most trusted dating site, and is designed specifically for those looking for meaningful, long-term connections. A+ Better Business Bureau rating, and claims, “Every day, an average of 438 singles marry a match they found on eHarmony.” 3-month free guarantee.
More single-mom resources
Check out my #1 bestsellers: The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children (Penguin)
The New York Post called the book a ‘Must Read' and it was featured on The Doctors, Jenny McCarthy Radio, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Oprah.com and more than 150 other media outlets!
— and —
I'm proud to say both books are multiple-category #1 Amazon Bestsellers!
Resources for low-income single moms
If you are struggling to make ends meet, take comfort in the fact that many, many single moms have been there — including highly educated women who previously enjoyed high incomes.
Here are some resources to help you get on your feet:
HUD housing for low-income single moms
The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) works with landlords to offer affordable rent to low-income families, including single moms, the disabled and senior citizens.
Learn how to qualify for HUD housing, and search for a HUD apartment on the program's website.
HUD also has various state-sponsored housing programs throughout the country. Learn about these state housing programs for low-income moms.
HUD public housing for low-income families is another option. Contact your state's Public Housing Agency directly to learn more.
Section 8 vouchers for single mothers
HUD Section 8 vouchers are coupons given directly to low-income renters who use them to pay part of their rent to participating landlords. Apply for Section 8, and find participating property owners.
Buy a home as a single mom
Even if your income is low, you may qualify for special home buying programs for single moms, and those with limited income. The blog Single Moms Income has a great resource page about home-buying programs for single moms.
Get a free car, or help buying a car as a single mom
Free Charity Cars gives away donated cars throughout the United States to those in need, including:
- Domestic violence victims
- The medically needy
- Victims of natural disasters
- Families transitioning from public assistance to work
- Families living in transitional living shelters
- The working poor
- Non-profit organizations
- Military families
Working Cars for Working Families helps those in need find a donated car.
Find a food pantry near you using Food Finder, which will connect you with free food given away through local churches, community programs, charities in all 50 states.
The Women Infants and Children program for families with children aged 5 and younger offers food coupons you can use at grocery stores, markets and bodegas, for qualifying food. Learn whether you are eligible for WIC, and how to apply.
TANF, or Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, is the new name for cash assistance once called ‘welfare.' Today the program requires participants to work part-time or prove that you're looking for work. Learn more about TANF.
The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program loads financial credit to low-income people on a debit card, that you use at your local grocery store and market. Learn how to qualify, and apply online for SNAP.
Free cell phone
Lifeline Assistance is a government program partners with major wireless companies to provide qualifying families with free phones and cell service.
Safelink Wireless is a free government cell phone carrier serving 4 million customers in 31 states plus Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico. Safelink provides a free mobile phone and up to 350 free local and domestic long-distance minutes monthly, and unlimited text messages every month if you qualify.
Assurance Wireless provides a free phone and up to 500 monthly minutes and unlimited texting in the United States to qualifying members.
Medical insurance for low-income single moms
Medicaid is a joint federal and state medical insurance program for low-income families. Find out if you qualify for Medicaid, and learn about your state's benefits.
Help paying for child care for single moms
Public assistance day care programs
Each state's Health and Human Services can help you find grants for low-cost or free daycare, based on your need, income and program availability in your area. Learn about your options at the Office of Childcare Website.
Head Start day care
Head Start and Early Head Start is an established federal program that has proven successful in providing educational readiness for low-income children under age 5 from low-income families. The program's goals are to help all children get ready for school, as well as provide affordable child care to their parents.
State child care assistance subsidies for single moms
Each state has child care assistance programs that can help you find quality day care centers, and pay for them. Find programs in your state and town with the Office of Child Care's website.
Single-mom household management can be intense.
How to run a household
But with the right tools, organization, and support, you can become exceptionally efficient when it comes to managing day-to-day tasks.
Because let's get real: YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
By using apps, outsourcing, budgeting, and automating, you can organize your busy life regardless of whether you have multiple children, a demanding career, and a desire for more quality time with your family.
The guide below will show you how to prioritize your calendar and your tasks to keep your family happy, healthy, and balanced:
1. Create a single-mom budget
One of the easiest ways to effectively manage your household is by outsourcing.
However, you can’t hire help until you know how much money you have to spend. That’s where budgeting comes in.
Creating your first budget as a single parent can be challenging, especially if you’re used to having dual incomes.
However, with enough tracking and organization, you can find a way to maximize your money time and energy to live the most kickass life you can — and be an awesome role model for your kids (and anyone else who is watching).
How to make a household budget
In How to make a single mom budget you will stick to, I elaborate on budgeting steps. These include:
- Choose a budget strategy — Zero-sum, or 50-30-20
- Track all your spending
- Track your income
- Consider child support
- Slash extras and cut bills
- Focus on growing your income and wealth!
Household budget spreadsheet
When creating a budget, the first place to start is tracking your spending.
MoneyPatrol helps you create a budget, then get alerts regarding your tracking, spending and charges. Try MoneyPatrol now for free for 15 days >>
Household budget template
Here is an example of a single-mom budget template:
Categories for household budget
Once you start tracking your spending, you can create budget categories, keeping in mind that you should have a zero-based budget.
A zero-based budget is when you allocate every dollar you earn to a specific category, including a savings category.
Take some time to think about the budget categories that would make your life easier.
As a single parent, you might need to allocate more to outsourcing certain tasks, like babysitting and housekeeping, while cutting back on some extras like going out to eat.
Household budget categories might include:
- Housing (rent, mortgage, insurance HOA, PMI, real estate taxes)
- Utilities, including electric, gas, garbage, and water
- Cell phone
- Child care
- Health insurance
- Out-of-pocket health care costs
- Car payments, insurance and gas
- Retirement and other long-term investments
- Charitable donations
- Kids' extracurricular activities
- Gym membership / fitness classes
It will likely take a few months for you to get used to living within a budget.
However, once you have a strong budget in place where you assign every dollar to a category at the beginning of the month, you’ll start to feel empowered with your money.
2. Increase your household income
Of course you want more money. Read my posts on how to ask for a raise and negotiate a salary increase or promotion, as well as career-level at-home jobs, and side gigs — plus how to sell things you already have for cash.
If you are strapped, get real with yourself a slash all unused services, expenses and subscriptions.
TrueBill is a free service identifies any recurring subscriptions, and on your behalf will cancel or reduce recurring bills like iTunes, Hulu, SlingTV, cable, Amazon, Internet, cell phone, BlueApron or even Plant Fitness (face it—you never go!). TrueBill is 100% free unless they negotiate down a bill, in which they take 40% of the savings.
TrueBill's ‘Lower My Bill' program works like this:
- Create an account at Truebill.com
- Upload a recent bill for one of the more than two dozen service providers they work with.
- TrueBill then reviews your bill, contacts the company to negotiate a lower rate.
- TrueBill then charges you 40% of the savings.
I used TrueBill to negotiate her utilities. TrueBill saved me $16 off my monthly AT&T bill while also getting me a bigger data plan, and $23.20 from my TimeWarner / Spectrum Internet bill.
Check out TrueBill now >>
Live in a house you can afford
One of the most important things you can do to ensure a sense of control and abundance is to choose a home you can easily afford. So many moms stretch their budgets beyond comfort in order to avoid relocation, to stay in a large home, or the best school district in their area.
As a result, they are constantly stressed about paying bills, losing their home, or otherwise home instability.
Other moms report downsizing from a home they own to one they can afford to comfortably rent — and being thrilled by their sense of financial empowerment. Other single moms say that the best thing they did was to move from a large, fancy home, to a smaller, more modest house — and being proud of their savings accounts, as well as the wise financial decisions they model for their children.
Remember: Once you free up unnecessary financial stress, you create positive energy to attract positive professional opportunities, grow your wealth, and save up for any home that you crave!
Birthdays and holidays for single moms
You know you’ll have to attend a million annoying kids’ birthday parties throughout the year.
So, stock up at once to save money and headache.
If you see a great sale on a toy appropriate for your child’s age group, buy several.
Gender-neutral gifts too like books, puzzles, science and cooking projects and outdoor toys streamline this mess.
Then, buy gift bags. Dollar Tree is one of the best places to buy gift bags and cards.
Again, when you go to buy one, buy several.
This eliminates the pre-party stress of needing to spend time buying a gift and wrapping it.
You can start the school year with several wrapped gifts in your closet ready to take to the next kid party.
And don't forget about the best time and money saver: REGIFTING!
Birthday parties for children are way overdone.
Instead of trying to plan a Pinterest-worthy party, opt for experiences instead.
Tell your child they can choose a friend to bring to a theme park, a movie, the aquarium, or some other fun experience.
It will be less expensive for you, and your child will be more likely to remember it.
Save for the holidays year-round
To have enough money for holiday gifts, save a certain amount every month in a high yield savings account.
The average parent spends $422 on Christmas gifts per child for kids ages 8-14.
To hit that goal, you have to save about $35 per month from January-December.
Decrease household debt
Credit card, student loans, medical debt or other bills you can't afford? Here is my guide to paying off your debt for good. You will likely want to improve your credit score so you can qualify for debt consolidation loans, or transfer debt to a low-interest credit card.
A great first step is to apply for a 0% balance transfer credit card, which can save you thousands of dollars in interest and help you pay off debt quicker.
Choose the right bank accounts
Make sure you have the best free checking accounts, online saving accounts, and investment accounts for you.
As a single mom, managing your money to the best of your ability is extremely important.
So, you should work with trusted banks who don’t charge exorbitant fees. That way, you can keep more of your hard-earned money for you.
Recommended checking accounts
- Axos Bank: this online-only bank has accounts with cool features like $0 fees, get your paycheck up to two days early, unlimited ATM fee reimbursements and 1.25% APY.
- BBVA – a growing U.S. bank whose online accounts are extremely user-friendly. Account holders enjoy a network of more than 55,000 ATMs nationwide.
- USAA – USAA is for military members and their families. They have no monthly fees and no ATM fees.
- Charles Schwab – Schwab is known for excellent customer service and no ATM fees.
- Capital One 360 – Capital One 360 has no fees or minimums and check deposit from anywhere.
Recommended savings accounts
- CIT Bank’s money market account has a market-leading 1.8% APR, as of March, 2020. CIT Bank is FDIC insured. To earn this rate, CIT requires a $100 minimum deposit, and setup of a new account takes less than 5 minutes (I tried it).
- UFB Direct: Do you have $10,000 or more to park in a high-yield account? UFB offers 2.25% APY, which beats out the competition.
- BBVA has a great money market rate for new accounts — no matter how much you deposit (it makes me crazy when banks advertise a high-interest rate — only to disclose in the fine print that it only applies to like $500,000 deposits. None of that baloney with BBVA!). Just $25 to get started, a great app, and takes less than 5 minutes to apply and fund your account.
- Ally – Ally savings account interest rates are 1.15%. Plus, you can rename the accounts to save for specific goals.
- Goldman Sachs – Get 1.2% on your savings with no minimum balance to open and no transaction fees.
Recommended investment accounts
I am on a personal mission to get women to save and invest more.
There are some fascinating studies that find that women are actually better at investing that men, but they save and invest far too little, too infrequently, which puts us at a huge disadvantage.
The wealth gap is a terrible issue, as women have far less invested and saved than men, and we need those long-term assets even more than dudes since we live longer than men, and as single moms, are far more likely to be responsible for children, grandchildren and aging parents long-term.
I wrote this post on how to get started investing for single moms, which explains all the basics, in plain language, that anyone can understand.
Remember: You are a brilliant person raising children alone. Do not be intimidated by all that financial jargon that was written by rich white men on Wall Street.
My investing advice for single moms
- Prioritize retirement investing far above your kids' college education. An Allianz survey found that Americans over-save for their kids' college fund when compared with retirement, and guilt-ridden single moms are especially prone to this mistake. Remember: the best gift you can give your kids is your own financial health. This makes you a less-stressed, more secure mom today, and relieves your children from the worry and resentment for caring for you in your later years. There are countless ways to finance college, but no Pell grants or loans for retirement!
- Believe that you are worth it. You deserve to have a fat wad in the bank, peace of mind and confidence that you can have a comfortable, joyful life and financial future!
- You are not dumb or lazy because you have not started investing — or not saved enough. The system is stacked against you. You are smart and you can do this. When you succeed in your finances, all women succeed. We lift each other up, set great role models for one another, and together we are going to close the pay and wealth gaps!
Someone has to keep the house clean, lawn mowed, repairs up-to-date, laundry done.
PSA: You don't have to do everything!
In fact, I urge you to reconsider even doing most of it. The more hours you spend doing tasks you are over-qualified for, that you hate, and that you can outsource, means more time you can invest in your career, a side business, exercise, getting laid, having fun with your kids, relaxing or doing nothing at all.
- Relax your cleaning standards
- Give your kids chores
- Outsource household chores to professionals — or even non-professionals!
Outsourcing for single moms
Another great way to improve your time management is to outsource.
No one ever became wealthy without outsourcing. After all, you already outsource your laundry to a washer and dryer, and transportation to a car or bus or plane. Take it a step further and outsource housekeeping, and errand running.
My world was rocked by a recent New York Times piece about Mary Wells Lawrence, the iconic 1960s female advertising exec on whom Mad Men’s Peggy is roughly based. Yeah, it was pretty cool that this chick from Ohio blew into New York and started an ad agency in 1966 that billed $39 million in its first year. She was a 27-year-old single mom of two at the time, before Gloria Steinem and her feminist harem bitch-slapped the macho establishment into shape.
But what really blew my mind was the part of the story that points out that for most of their lives, Lawrence’s daughters saw their jet-setting mother mostly on weekends only—and that Lawrence was totally cool with that:
What is striking about talking to Ms. Lawrence now … is how little emotional torture seemed to surround the effort to amalgamate professional and maternal responsibilities. “I think women who spend the most productive years of their life nurturing children are unhappy,” Ms. Lawrence said.
Them’s fighting words! I, too, am a single professional mom of two. But I a) don’t bill in the millions, b) truly believe that children are the greatest joy, and c) am fully tortured all day long by the struggle to balance my time between two forces that I both love and need. Some days I am convinced that I really can have it all. The rest of the time I beat myself up for failing to meet what feels like an impossible standard to simultaneously be a fully engaged mom and a successful writer.
Keep reading to learn how to create a single-mom household schedule that makes your life awesome …
Cleaning schedule for working moms
As long as CPS would not give you an infraction, you're good. Proceed.
If you're like me, and hate cleaning, but need your home to be tidy for your own mental health, get serious about a chore schedule for any kid over the age of 5. By age 9, they should be able to do every household chore, including cooking.
Fun fact: My first job was mowing the lawn at my grandparents' farm. My brother and I shared the $5 fee, and took turns driving the riding lawn more to cut 3 acres of grass — starting at ages 5 and 7!
House cleaning and laundry
Combine this child labor with hiring professional cleaning services. My wonderful housekeeper Sandra comes once per week, does my laundry and changes the linens and even organizes my Tupperware drawer, before my family turns it into an unorganized disaster before her next visit.
Babysitters and childcare:
It’s important to have several babysitters on call for moments when you need more help.
For example, you might want to have a younger babysitter who charges less per hour for a night out with your girlfriends.
Then, you might want a trusted babysitter who is older with a clean driving record to help you get your kids to and from activities after school.
Having several different babysitters who are different ages will help you feel confident when making plans or scheduling important events.
Care.com is a great resource to find caretakers!
Lawn maintenance and care
If you enjoy working in your yard, feel free to complete this task yourself.
However, if you want to spend your weekend enjoying your children instead of mowing the lawn, this is an inexpensive task to outsource.
Ask around for local landscaping business, a neighborhood teenager, or a retired person seeking a side gig. Maybe there is single mom in your area who is thrilled to earn extra cash in exchange for taking care of your yard.
TaskRabbit is an excellent marketplace of area professionals who can help with lawn care, as well as:
- Furniture assembly
- Furniture delivery services
- Delivery service
- Grocery shopping
- IKEA assembly
- Help moving
- Interior painting
- TV mounting
- Light installation
- Hanging pictures & shelves
House cleaning and laundry
The only way to grow your income and reduce your stress is to outsource things that you hate or are bad at — or are below your pay grade.
Laundry and housekeeping are top of this list.
Some people enjoy laundry (the soothing quality, the warm towels in the winter, yada yada), and if that is you, I think you are an alien.
If this is you, consider laundry a hobby — not an obligation.
Never feel guilty for hiring someone to clean your house and do your laundry.
All you’re doing is paying someone else to free up your valuable time, so you can grow your business, relax, exercise, hang out with your kids or date.
In New York City where I live, it is common to send your laundry out to a local wash and fold service or laundromat for $1.25 per pound, and within 24 hours you get all your unmentionables and more washed, dried and folded. BOOM.
Ask around if such a service exists in your area. Perhaps your regular house cleaner can add this to their services for you, or you can ask if a local parent might consider an at-home laundry service.
If nothing else, search Care.com for local options.
Errands and maintenance
How many times have you said, “I need a personal assistant!” Luckily, with apps like TaskRabbit, you can hire someone to do small maintenance tasks around your home, run errands or otherwise boss around (nicely) for a reasonable fee.
Time management for single moms
In addition to following a budget, one of the most important aspects of running a single-mom household is time management.
This can be challenging when you have to coordinate work, after school activities, nights out with friends, and more.
To manage your time more effectively, look at your current schedule.
How many extracurricular activities are on your calendar? Recent research shows that parents spend an average of $739 per year and countless hours on after school activities.
Not only are extracurricular activities expensive, but they take up a lot of time.
Can you pick just one activity per child?
Can you stop participating in the one activity you dread driving to each week?
After all, your kids aren't getting maximum value out of the experience if their mom is grumpy about that hour round-trip drive to the expensive gymnastics class that your kid isn't even that interested in!
Remember, it’s OK to send your kids to football but not have them compete on the traveling competition team.
It’s also OK to send your kids to tennis lessons without them taking part in tournaments every weekend.
Essentially, do what works for your family.
Plus, single parents have an extra layer of scheduling to consider if you share custody of your children and the related scheduling.
At the same time, you need to remain flexible if you or your ex is traveling, or one of you has a work conflict or illness come up.
While maintaining all this might seem overwhelming, there are many ways to consolidate and organize even the busiest schedule.
Apps for single moms
- MoneyPatrol is a great budgeting app thousands of moms swear by, and you can try free for 15 days.
- TrueBill: Will scour your bank or credit card accounts for subscriptions, and cancel for you the ones you don't use. TrueBill also negotiates down your utility and phone bills! For free!
- Care.com: Care.com is the go-to resource for finding a quality babysitter, nanny, housekeeper, laundry service, and elder and pet care.
- Cozi: Cozi is one of the most popular family organizing apps available. You can manage your family’s schedules in one place as well as store your grocery lists and to-do lists. Best of all, you can access it across multiple devices so your kids can see the schedule too.
- TaskRabbit: Where smart moms find services to help with everything from lawncare, errands, Ikea assembly, moving, home repair and more.
- Amazon Subscribe and Save: This is a great way to create subscriptions for items like toilet paper, paper towels, diapers, cleaning supplies and whatever else you use regularly, and get it automatically delivered every couple of weeks — at a discount.
Scheduling for single moms
If you have an iPhone, you can ask Siri to add things to your calendar.
Tell Siri “Add a haircut at 9 AM tomorrow to my calendar.”
She will automatically add the appointment to your phone without you having to type it in.
Meal planning for moms
The idea of planning an entire month’s worth of meals seems daunting.
Luckily, thanks to the beauty of technology, you can make grocery shopping, prepping dinner, and even finding inexpensive restaurants much easier.
Here’s how to make meal planning easier and cheaper:
We all want to make healthy meals for our family, but sometimes, going to the grocery store can be such a chore. Here are a couple of ways to make it easier:
- Menu Planning: You can sit down, sift through dozens of Pinterest recipes, and plan your menus yourself, or you can pay for a service to do it for you. Some great menu planning services are Plan to Eat and the Dinner Daily.
- Delivery: Subscribe to Amazon Fresh, and they will deliver groceries right to your door. If you don’t want to pay for a premium service, you can order food from Brandless, where everything is $3. Many local grocery stores also now offer curbside pickup for a nominal fee. You can also use a service like Instacart, Shipt, or Peapod to hire someone to shop at your local stores.
The popularity of meal delivery services is on the rise.
These are more expensive than getting your groceries delivered to you.
However, they can be a great way to try new recipes in the kitchen.
Some favorites include Hello Fresh and Green Chef (for families who like to eat primarily organic food.)
Both of these options also have vegetarian menus as well.
If you want to go to a restaurant with your kids to save yourself from a messy kitchen, that’s understandable.
You can cut down the cost in a few ways.
- Use Restaurant.com. Here, you can put in your zip code and find coupons for restaurants in your area. Usually, they’re good coupons too!
- Use the Kids Eat Free App. Allow this app to see your location, and it will show you restaurants where kids eat free (or very cheaply) near you.
Single mom quotes on overwhelm
My most cherished part of the day: “Mommy!” my 2- and 4-year-olds rush to greet me with glowing faces and hugs when I pick them up from daycare.
Two seconds out the door: Checking my iPhone for a message from a potential client. Guilt ensues.
Another highlight: Sitting down to the hot breakfast I proudly cook each morning, answering my precocious 4-year-old daughter’s questions about NPR’s report on Afghanistan.
Simultaneously: Thinking through the story I will write in my home office as soon as I dump these kids back at said daycare. Again, that guilt!
8:04 p.m.: Heart melting as my toddler son asks, “Hold hand, Mommy?” as I sing him “The Garden Song” at bedtime.
8:17 p.m.: Sprinting down the hall to set up interviews for the next deadline. Ditto. And I’m not even Catholic.
[Feel like therapy could help, but you are short on time and money? Online counseling is a great option that helps hundreds of thousands of people through text, email, video and phone therapy. I evaluate the top online therapy companies in this post.]
Cue heavenly choral music as I receive an email from my friend Laura Vanderkam offering me a free time makeover. Laura is a fellow mom and freelance writer who seriously changed my life with her first book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.
The gist is that many of us blow our most precious commodity (time) by not spending it on our core competencies, and not thinking critically about how we while away hours. For me, core competencies include my work and mothering. These are what I do best, so there is no reason to spend my precious time, say, cleaning the crud that accumulates under my dining table each week. Instead, Laura argues, I should outsource everything that I don’t enjoy, which makes time, money and emotional sense.
Case in point: Laundry. Laundry is Laura’s pet peeve. “Laundry is the biggest time suck,” she said over a wine-filled dinner a few years ago. What?! Wasn’t laundry just a part of being an adult? But in my Astoria, Queens, New York neighborhood, I learned to pay someone about $25 per week to pick up my dirty things, wash, dry, fold and sort them and return them to my door the same day. Doing the same task myself would cost two hours and save me $15 in quarters. In two hours I make way more money writing stories for this and other fine publications. I like writing these stories. Plus, I have to write them so my family can eat. I don’t like laundry.
The thing with Laura and her books (she has a similar one on money management) is that they can be a bit sanctimonious. For me, it took a lot of time, practice and emotional growth to sign on to the notion that I cannot afford not to pay someone else to clean my house. At first I felt guilty that Sandra, my amazing house cleaner, visited once per month. But I have gradually inched up to outsourcing this loathed task every week. I love it.
It’s a stress relief that no doubt translates into a less harried and more fun mom.As this order has benefited my home life, my financial life has benefited, too. It’s impossible to quantify the correlation, but in the past couple of years as I’ve implemented Laura’s edicts, I’ve increasingly made more money. I’ve started outsourcing other things: at tax time this year I breezily paid my accountant to sort and tally my business receipts, and when a closet full of cast-offs wouldn’t take care of itself, I hired a nice woman from TaskRabbit.com to haul it all to a local charity. I think I should be creating more single mom memes on my Instagram account about this!
That’s the back story.
Single mom inspirational stories
Laura Vanderkam's book, Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done, might just change your life. It changed mine.
Upon hearing about this theory, my knee-jerk reaction was to say, “Before breakfast I’m sleeping! Because as a single working mom of two kids who are up and down all night I’m exhausted, you sanctimonious whore!” But I shut it and accepted Laura’s generous offer to give me a time makeover, which she also wrote about on her CBS MoneyWatch blog.
For one week I logged every hour of my day in an Excel spreadsheet. One thing I felt good about: My days were indeed full. From the time I woke until the kids went down were chockablock with work, exercise and the personal tasks I simply cannot do without childcare. But the evenings were often squandered as I either dithered it away on the Internet or as I lay motionless on my bed in an exhaustion coma.
In my email to Laura I laid out a few goals: Spend 20 minutes of one-on-one time with each kid each day, find a chunk of alone time regularly, tackle the marketing and strategic planning that a business requires and get a grip on all the little household projects that pile up. Oh, and remove the sense of chaos from my life.
In our phone consultation, Laura started out with some heavy petting: “First, congratulations,” she said. “Your schedule is amazing. You have a lot of professional success in not a lot of work hours [the kids are in daycare between 30 and 35 hours each week], and you’re spending a lot of time with the kids as well.” Okay, I thought, keep talking.
After 30 minutes I got some great suggestions. But the general takeaway was to have more fun and meaning in life. Happy people are more engaged and better doing whatever it is that they do. Also, I remember how long it took me to sign on to Laura’s other time-saving edicts, so while I clearly have a long way to go, I am hopeful.
Time management for single moms
Here is a summary of our consultation:
Suggestion 1: Create a buffer time before I pick up the kids from their daycare, which is a two-minute walk from my apartment. “There is a reason people have commutes,” she said. “It gives people transition time between work and their professional lives, and working out of a home office you don’t have that decompression time,” which contributes to my sense of harriedness. “When you’re toggling back and forth, you’re not doing anything fully, which is not efficient.”
In practice: Yesterday, my first day of the rest of my life, I did just that: took 20 minutes before pickup to straighten up my bedroom/office and do a bit of yoga—things that felt good and improved my physical and mental wellbeing. Guess what? During my afternoon with the kids, I felt a little more engaged and only checked my email four times. A feat.
Suggestion 2: Designate an hour each week for marketing and making a list of household tasks, and tackle one per week. “When you set time for things, you can dismiss the nagging feeling associated with them by telling yourself, ‘Now is not the time to do that.’”[Lies that keep single moms broke, stressed-out and alone]
In practice: Created an electronic sticky note on my computer desktop with an intimidatingly long list. After the kids went to sleep yesterday I straightened out the kitchen junk drawer. It took all of seven minutes and felt awesome.
Suggestion 3: This one surprised me: Get up an hour earlier than normal and do some creative writing. I hadn’t mentioned any lack of creative fulfillment, but when she said that I immediately got very excited. Somehow she intuitively tapped into this unmet need, and I loved the sound of it.
In practice: Today, I climbed out of bed a half hour after the beep, made a coffee and cranked out 1,000 words of this story. When the kids woke an hour later, I felt excited and happy, and my phone was on the other side of the house and I didn’t even miss it. This may change my life.
Suggestion 4: “Create pockets of happy time. This is fun and relaxing stuff, not just stuff that is meaningful like raising children and meaningful work,” Laura said.
In practice: Last weekend I unexpectedly found myself alone for two hours when my kids were with their dad and I normally spend precious time with my boyfriend, Larry. Instead, I sat quietly eating a dinner of leftover corn chowder and reading the Sunday Times. Bliss. I need to do this every week, Laura said. Today I wrote on my to-do list to tell Larry that from now on I’ll be arriving two hours later on Saturday nights.
Suggestion 5: Give myself a bedtime routine. Limit my Internet dawdling to half an hour, then designate another half hour of magazine reading or movie watching to unwind. Go to bed at a set hour.
In practice: Last night I read half of March’s issue of More magazine before dozing off. No idea what time that was.
Suggestion 6: Let some of it go. Laura and I brainstormed ways to get a little one-on-one time with each of my children, and nothing made sense. She gave me permission to park that idea for a year or two.
In practice: Done.
Public assistance helped this professional single mom get on her feet
I often struggle with this platform, where I speak primarily to women like me: Educated, professional single moms. The number of unmarried mothers is increasingly affluent and educated, as women gain power in business and earning. But the reality remains that about half of kids raised primarily by a single mom live in poverty (a figure plummets for kids raised by single dads).
I don't pretend that what I write about here speaks to every single one of the 10 million U.S. single moms, or financial challenges that I face as an educated white woman are the same as someone who grew up with the challenges of generational poverty. However, I often hear from women facing single motherhood and find themselves in financial straights — very real, scary financial straights — despite having had every perceived advantage, a fact that only adds to the shame and fear around their situation.
A couple years ago I had this Facebook instant message conversation with Jennifer L.W. Fink, a single mom to four boys in Wisconsin. She separated five years ago and has been divorced for two. When she separated, Fink worked part-time as a freelance writer and homeschooled her children. She turned to public assistance.
Today Fink makes a living as a full-time freelance writer. She blogs at Building Boys.
EJ: In launching this blog I started researching the economics of single moms, and it actually depressed me for a few days. I don't need to tell you that the numbers are dire. When I realized I would become a single mom, I just kind of put my blinders on to the roadblocks in my way and plunged ahead. So far so good. That is what I aim to preach on Wealthy Single Mommy.
But I also try to appreciate that I am a white, educated middle-class woman who had a career before I had kids and got divorced. No ignoring that.
JLWF: That's a big point. I'm white and educated and relatively middle class. But I married at 20 and didn't exactly have a career before that. But I still have a leg up that a lot of other single moms don't have in that I have a college degree and had some professional experience.
But there's the thing: raising kids takes at least as much time as it takes money. I don't think we, as parents, do ourselves any favors by glossing over that fact. Ideally, you have two parents working toward that goal.
Jennifer L.W. Fink
EJ: I agree 100 percent. But that isn't our story now. So what do you suggest?
What kind of assistance does a single mom qualify for?
JLWF: I definitely suggest applying for and accepting as much help as you need. There is nothing wrong or shameful about that.
EJ: We're talking public assistance?
JLWF: Yes. Most of the time, single motherhood is sudden. Even in families with two, educated, professional spouses, one spouse (often the woman) is working less outside the home to facilitate family life. And while many moms— most moms—can and will ramp up their income and earning potential, they can’t always pull that off right away. I would definitely urge these women to look into what's available in terms of health benefits, food stamps or other benefits. You have nothing to lose.
EJ: Did you accept public aid?
JLWF: Yes, I did, and I’m OK talking about it.
I have a nursing degree, but I transitioned into a writing career while I was having and homeschooling my kids. By the time of my divorce, I hadn't actively practiced nursing in 6 years. I made something like $21,000 writing the year before I divorced — not bad for a part-time job, but it's not nearly enough to support a family of five.
When I separated I ramped up my writing work, but to fill in that gap I applied for every kind of assistance I could get. Health insurance was a particular worry since my ex had carried me on his policy. I qualified for food assistance for six months, health benefits for a year, and help with heating costs that first winter.
EJ: How did you feel about applying for aid? What went through your mind?
JLWF: I'm from a middle class home. I'm not supposed to be one of “those moms.” I felt angry at a world and a system and circumstances that put my children and me in such a position that makes it easy for one spouse to walk away, while another struggles to figure out how to feed and clothe her kids. But at that time, it truly was survival for me. It was the only way to make the numbers work.
EJ: What would you family's life have looked like had you not gotten that assistance?
JLWF: I'm lucky and blessed to have good friends and family. No one would have let us starve, or land on the streets, but none of my family or friends could have afforded to subsidize us for long. We would definitely considered selling the house. But it would have been tough to find something more reasonable, and apartment living isn't exactly a great option for four active boys.
EJ: Not at all! Do you worry that professional women — or at least middle-class women — struggle unduly because they’re too embarrassed to apply for public benefits?
JLWF: Yes. It’s very hard to whip out your state assistance food card at the grocery store when you’re used to using a credit or debit card.
EJ: You said you were angry. Are you still angry, and if so, what do you do with that energy – and how does that affect your financial life?
How to financially thrive as a single mom
JLWF: I am angry, but I try to channel that anger into writing and building a better life for my kids and myself. My goal is to earn enough to make it without child support, and to build a life in which my kids and I are comfortable. In many cases (my case), child support comes with strings and resentment, even though it is just supposed to be about the children.
So far, I am on my way. Each year as been better financially than the last.
EJ: That’s fantastic.
JLWF: There is also a chance that if I make too much, it will affect my child support.
EJ: Do you think that has held you back professionally and financially – that fear of losing your child support, and how unfair that might seem?
JLWF: It was a huge step for me to get over that, yes. Now my goal is to make enough so that if that were to happen, it wouldn’t eat into our comfort. I also made the conscious decision that nothing can stop me from succeeding – especially not my ex-husband.
EJ: I love that. What you are really saying is, “I will not stop myself from being successful.”
JLWF: Right. It's recognizing and overcoming my own mental hurdles.
EJ: But it is easier, I think, to build a career and wealth and success — no matter how you define success — if you do it from a place of happiness and not from being pissed off — even if we deserve to be pissed!
JLWF: I think you're right. It's just hard to get there sometimes! That’s why I think assistance works best when viewed as a temporary bridge while you work through the professional and personal challenges of divorce.
EJ: And what do you have to say to women in similar situations who refuse to apply for assistance, and instead spend their energy trying to get their ex to fork over more money?
Reasons not to fight for child support
JLWF: I’d say:
1) You're going to spend more in legal bills than you'd probably get; you're not going to come out ahead.
2) You're feeding the negative energy instead of trying to work through it.
3) See what you can do to improve your financial situation.
EJ: I like #3 because we can't totally control how much the ex gives us, or how much we can get from the state. But we can control ourselves and our finances and our careers.
JLWF: We can't totally control anything!
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Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist and author. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker,” her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Emma's Top Single Mom Resources.