Dear Dudes: Here are the worst and best ways to ask a woman out on a date



A few months ago the above happened. My inner monologue upon receipt:

Do I have to manage every detail of this operation? I might as well take myself out for dinner, get myself drunk, invite myself upstairs, perform amazing cunnilingus on myself, spoon myself, suggest passive-aggressively that I call myself a cab, send myself a sweet text the next day then not respond to my own text.

The following week, this transpired  with another dude:


how ask out date 2

Inner monologue:

Remember to schedule a wax. 

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17 thoughts on “Dear Dudes: Here are the worst and best ways to ask a woman out on a date

  1. OMG. We guys NEVER effin’ win. We ALWAYS have to plan EVERYTHING (and PAY for everything) just cause we’re guys. GAWD. I can understand those first couple dates, someone needs to make a decision, but GEEZUS afterward it’s as much her who needs to work at it as me.

    Countless times I’ve scheduled the date, put the WHOLE freaking picnic lunch together, gotten wine, laundered a blanket, packed a radio, again and again and again and a-FREAKING-gain, as well as paid for EVERYTHING to the point the women (often single moms) act entitled. When I ask them what they like to do or want to eat, or where they prefer to get some drinks, I get this “Oh, I dunno…….You decide.” BUT I DECIDED THE LAST 18 TIMES. Then, when I decide the 19th she does the “Ewww. I’m not in the mood for that.” And of course I get to pay each time…I guess because I also had to decide.

    I really like a lot about feminism (I also dislike the fake domestic charges, fake restraining orders, etc that “feminists” do to undermine men.) I want a woman who earns her own way, pay her own bills, and would be an equal. One of the hottest women I know is hot because when I helped her move into her house, she rented and drove the large moving truck, instead of me having to drive it. I like a woman who will get dirty in the yard with me, because I will do the cooking and the cleaning inside.

    What I find is that “modern women” are “selectively feminist”. They want to earn the same as men, AND should when they do the SAME job, like mine which requires that I am on-call 24/7 to go into work at a moments notice, not make the excuse “Oh I can’t I’m a single mom. Call Darth, he doesn’t have kids.” Or “I can’t be there all weekend for the disaster recovery test because Johnny has a band contest.”, and expect to make my pay grade when I do stay there all weekend. Women often don’t put in the same effort at work due to family obligations and mom guilt, but they still expect feminism to get them their fair share for doing less. Those family obligations, and divorces were YOUR CHOICES, and so companies shouldn’t pay you the same just for showing up as the guys do who put in the time. Many women bring nothing to the table in a marriage, then expect to take everything the man earned – just like in the 50s and 60s when the “feminist” wife leaves it, instead of earning it her marvelous self. They want to be a feminist, but also be a stay at home mom and have step-daddy “Poindexter” bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. And in dating feminists still want men to put out all the effort.

    It’s the price of feminism. Women need to do their half in EVERYTHING. Start paying for the dates, and setting them up. You wanted all these “opportunities” men have been doing for ages. Start practicing what it’s like to be equal when scheduling your dates. It’s a helluva lot of fun.

  2. Back up the bus Darth. Don’t generalize. The guys I date don’t “ALWAYS” plan everything or pay for everything. I pull my weight on both fronts. I actually feel awkward grabbing the check for fear of insulting my date but I do it anyway. Why? Because dating is a two way street, a partnership. I don’t want to be taken care of. I want to be involved in all aspects of dating. Do I contradict myself by fixing my own toilet but wanting my date to open the car door for me? Maybe. Perhaps I am selective on my feminism. I admit I am fumbling with dating these days. Give me a break. It has been 18 years since I did it!!!

    1. I don’t entirely generalize. I commented about a female friend here that seems to try to exemplify the higher points of feminism by doing her part. In other comments I mention an 80/20 rule in which 80% of women act entitled. I have mentioned that I’ve had a couple former girlfriends offer to pay, and follow through – most have not. Michelle, perhaps you’re one of the 20%. I entirely agree with you on the idea of “partnership”, but I don’t see too many women that act as you say.

      I still occasionally slip into the ancient chains of chivalry as well. When I go the grocery store with a female friend I insist on pushing the grocery cart – lest she break a nail, so she has a hand free to lug her purse, and because even in my dark melancholy sometimes a bit of dim light shines through.

  3. “Least she brake a nail” HA! My boyfriend pushes the cart…with my kids in it. It’s nice, my ex hubs REFUSED to push the cart. I’d say I’m not selective feminism…I’m be a kind damn human being! I’ll go get him something to drink if he says he’s thirsty, he does the same. I buy dinner about 50/50…cause I want to treat my boo! Making dinner too. I haven’t even noticed if he opens the door for me, because I tend to walk ahead. I don’t want someone to take care of me, I want someone who is kind and caring. Because I’m kind and caring. So we are both considerate. Not filling gender roles. I slap his butt when he walks by as much as he slaps mine. “Merica!

    1. Here’s the thing Darth et all: What makes a man a man and a woman a woman. If we’re all supposed to act identically the same at work and in courtship and bed – why aren’t we all a bunch of amorphous bisexual transgendered people?

      I’m not being a smartass. I really want to know.

      1. THIS^^^

        I have always been a very self sufficient person. I have to work to allow people to do things for me. My ex has always said one of the things he loved most about me was how I just go do things myself. That was am a strong woman, with dark humor and a mouth like a truck driver. (not in situations that call for more decorum) And one of the things he grew to hate was that I didn’t need him. For anything. Every. Something was broke, I tried to fix it. He has told me repeatedly to let my boyfriend do things for me. Men, for the most part, still want to feel like they are needed or well, hell. I don’t know. Need to feel like a man?

        Here is a fun exchange that happened yesterday. My ex has the kids, so the BF and I have had a 3 day labor day weekend extravaganza! Now this scenero happened about 30 times over the weekend.

        Laying in bed, bindge watching Orange is the new black on Netflix

        Me “ooooh, ima go get that gauc I made! you want some?”
        BF “Sounds awsome, I’ll get it.”
        ME “I’ve got it!”
        BF “I’ll do it, do you need anymore water?”
        Me “Ok, thanks. And yes, more water would be fantastic”

        Now, that exchange killed me. I want to say “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! I CAN GET MY OWN DAMN GAUC! I brought it up, why would you do it?!”

        About half the time, I will get it, half I let him do it. It’s hard for me, but I do see how being too “manly” is not really what men want. But in that same exchange, I would get pissed if he didn’t let me do stuff for him, so really, I’m being selfish by not allowing him to do nice things for me. God, I hate relationships sometimes :)

      2. “What makes a man a man and a woman a woman?” It’s a needless question. You’re assuming I take issue with gender differences, where I don’t have a problem.

        As a man, when I was seeking serious relationships, I was kind and chivalrous. For me, in committed relationships I would push the cart, aim to work around my girlfriend’s schedule with her kiddos, go fill her car with gas if we used it for a long drive to show I gave a shit. I would still do the same for my friends, but no more serious dating.

        What being kind got me – and a lot of other men – was entitled women who only wanted more and more. When I see relationships and marriages around me, especially with single moms, most of them are the same. The man aims to be kind, generous, and decent to show he’s that nice guy, and the woman acts entitled, encourages her kids by another man to act entitled, shits on the nice guy who pushes the grocery cart for her, cheats on Poindy with the bad boys who she can’t get enough of, then comes back to the nice guy to tell him he’s not “man enough” because he doesn’t want to finance the mistakes she’s made while she sits at home to be a SAHM.

        Is this entitlement a female thing? I sure see it a lot more in women than I’ve ever seen in men. That part of gender differences I thought feminism was the cure. Apparently not.

        1. I’m not being a smartass or picking a fight. I really do want to know what the differences are between men and women. What are they? Help me out here – are you saying that women are inherently more entitled than men? Or is that a recent social construct? Thoughts, Darth? Anyone else?

    2. I fully agree with you there Marissa. I’d push the cart for you as well, and not even have to be your boyfriend!

      Nice guys and Poindexters have wanted to do some “taking care” of a woman whom they think is special. It’s in our nature. And while you may not be one to take advantage of that, plenty of your gender are. Once they see a guy cares, they just keep coming back for more and more, but screw the bad boy or ex on the side.

      1. See, it is this kind of negative stereotypes that make me call you a misogynist. The only common denominator is that this is what you see in your life and immediate circles. Do I have to bust out my second-grade lecture on how bigotry starts?

        1. Ah, Emma. Being more blunt than my example.

          That is where I just don’t get how you can believe what you are saying, Darth. I’m NOT rare!! My friends, co-workers, family members…we are all equally contributing members of society and relationships. Hello…EMMA!!! She’s a kick ass lady!

          This would be like me saying all husbands are serial cheaters, or that car salesman only want one night stands, or single dads want a “new mommy/wife” or that boyfriends run off and join the air force when you throw up in their car too many times after a rager. (just grabbing from my worse dating stories, yes, I’ve apolygized to my high school BF)

          But, I’ve met more amazing men than the bad…and I stopped drinking purple passion.

          1. ” (just grabbing from my worse dating stories, yes, I’ve apologized to my high school BF)But, I’ve met more amazing men than the bad…and I stopped drinking purple passion.”

            HAHAHA!! And thanks for the shout-out, I’ll take the ‘kick-ass’ but verdict is still out on ‘lady.’

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