18 things men say about their ex-wives


When divorced people date, they talk about divorce. A lot. And that means talking about your ex. A lot. Which means through writing this blog, dating, and generally living life, I’ve heard a whole lot of thoughts and opinions from men about their ex-wives. Ladies, here’s how your ex feels about you. How do you feel about him?
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  1. Until you split up, he never appreciated how much you did for the kids and the house.
  2. When you keep having fights with your friends it validates his opinion that you are impossible to get along with.
  3. You’re a really great mom.
  4. You’re messing up the kids.
  5. He wanted to be that guy who cheered you on as you pushed the baby out, and caught him as you squeezed the child out your bleeding vagina. But now that he did that, he feels differently about your vagina. He’s not proud of that, but it is what it is.
  6. He wanted to be that guy who loved you and found you attractive no matter how fat you got. But he just isn’t attracted to you now. No matter how hard he tries.
  7. He did love you no matter what.
  8. One day he realized he didn’t love you anymore.
  9. When you didn’t have sex for months and years, it didn’t just hurt his feelings. It devastated him, and made him worry about his manhood and himself. It was a really, really big deal.
  10. You insisted everything be done your way, which made him not want to do anything at all.
  11. Now that he’s on his own with the kids, he’s a better dad.
  12. He loved being the provider while you stayed home with the kids.
  13. Now that he’s paying child support and alimony, he really resents that you gave up your career.
  14. He’s a little bit happy that you’re struggling financially because maybe now you’ll appreciate how hard he worked how much you blew through all the money he earned. And by a little bit happy, he really means a lot happy.
  15. It’s not that he liked her better than you. It’s just that she liked him back.
  16. He’s so much happier now!
  17. He wants to kill your boyfriend.
  18. Sometimes when you have the kids and it’s late at night, he secretly wishes you’d text him and ask him to come sleep at home.


What about you? What does your ex-husband say about you? What do you say about him?


Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post’s ‘Must Read” list.

Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.

A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

22 thoughts on “18 things men say about their ex-wives

    1. I don’t usually comment but this one sucked. A similar article for the opposite side actually was funny semi sweet. This one makes guys look like assholes.

  1. Ms. Emma Johnson, I will say you got 2,4,10,11, 14 and 16 are correct. So you only scored a 33%, a little research is necessary. I will say every case is different, but when they go to court, it is surprising how similar the cases become. This unequal treatment under the law is what creates the most As for number 18 the court are men bad, women are good… screw the men!
    As for number 1: I wish I could have said that, but sadly it was not so.
    As for number 3: I wish I could say that.
    As for number 5: Wrong again, we appreciated her more!
    As for number 6: Men are really not that shallow.
    As for number 8: Correct, I was there for the children.
    As for number 9: Sex, really? By that time, why? I do not need her to fulfill my “manhood” or to make me feel better about myself. I did not ever need her to validate me.
    As for number 12: We are family men, one of us needed to take care of the children. The one who had the best opportunity to earn a sustainable living should work. Him or her.
    As for number 13: She never had or tried to have a career.
    As for number 15: You assume all men cheat, nope women do too. That is my case.
    As for number 16: I am much happier now. The new wife has opened my eyes, SO MUCH! Just for clarification. I met her two years after my divorce. The difference is astounding.
    As for number 17. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE GUY! Save yourself!
    As for number 18. Are you freaking kidding?! Only if she was not going to be there EVER again!

  2. #18 If a man wants to have sex with his ex-wife than he wouldn’t have left her to begin with! Men leave their family because they are beyond miserable there’s no way they would want to be within 200 feet of their ex! The past is in the past for a reason movin on!
    #17 Why would the ex husband want to kill the guy that got his ex-wife off his back he left her so she would f

    1. He left her so she would finally leave him alone if anything he’s happy she met a new guy maybe they will get married and the ex-husband wont have to pay alimony anymore! Its a win win for the ex-husband! I think for some reason you think the ex-husbands are sitting around thinking about their ex wives but that’s not even close to the truth!

    2. I wish my Ex would find a man ignorant enough to stay with her. Then she could concentrate on ruining his life and forget about emotionally abusing me. He would secretly be my best friend!

  3. I think my ex is sitting around thinking “I better treat this one right” about his new fiancee. I wonder if he questions whether I will ever let her know that he tried to get back together with me two years into their relationship and I encouraged him to finish things with her and said I would not interfere, rebuffing his advances. Mine is not a better dad. He is less involved and enjoys his 85% free time traveling with his fiancee, which is what he always wished we had.

    1. Sounds like you played the classy card, good on you :) It took me a long time to fully appreciate that my ex and I are simply on different paths on this plant, even if we are frequently crossing paths. When I accepted that, I stopped trying to control him, let go of a lot of anger and we’re all better for it.

  4. My list will seem a bit different:

    – I resent that you left me and the kids to move home with your mother, giving me only 3 hours notice. It’s a lot of work to manage the kids, even though they are wonderful.

    – I also resent that I now have to handle the role you had in my business as well as mine.

    – I still resent that you repeatedly yelled at me when I ran the funeral when our son died, and didn’t hug me even once. I was 80 miles away when the accident took place, and certainly was in no way responsible. Running his funeral was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, and getting yelled at when I repeated to you what the medical examiner, police and funeral director said to me was too much. Why did you keep shooting the messenger?

    – I resent that you wouldn’t help me with the tornado repairs, even though the tornado came only a month after our son died.

    – I feel that I did way more of my share of the work than did you after our son died and we got hit by the tornado.

    – Now that I’m doing it all on my own, I now know that you did a lot more than I realized.

    – I regret not forgiving you for yelling at me so much when our son died. You were going through a tough time then.

    – I was going through a tough time, too.

    – I regret withdrawing from you during the last three years of our marriage. I found I got yelled at less that way. Once again, I realize you were going through a tough time then. I still wish I was nicer to you during that time.

    -I wish you would call or visit the kids. That’s really hurting them.

    – Believe it or not, after 9 months, I miss you. We have a long, shared history, including 20 good years. Our values lined up well. I can’t talk to you anymore, and I miss the ear and sounding board that was always there for all but the last three years of our marriage, and was even frequently there during the last three years of it. I wish I could go for a walk with you.

    – I wish I could talk to you about the kids’ problems, but you are too disconnected from them now to offer any sensible advice. it’s tough going it alone.

    – I never thought I would spend the rest of my life with anyone but you.

    – I really resented it when you kept telling me that our deceased son was our least favorite child. Where did that idea come from, and even if you really believed that, why did you insist on saying that to me?

    – As goofy as it was before you left, it’s even goofier now. I wish we had worked harder to stay together. I wish I had worked harder at it personally. I made a lot of mistakes, particularly in the three years since our child died. The kids have had a tough enough time as it is. I think if we had given it more time, we could have worked through it. It was a horrible storm, but it would would have passed in time.

    Note to readers: this may be a bit of a downer compared to the whimsical nature of this post. However, I thought this would change a few people’s perspectives. This story is true, with a few details (not many) disguised, to preserve confidentiality.

    Right now, I’m way too concerned with containing an ever-expanding balloon and keeping my kids in one piece to worry about exes boyfriends (doubt if she has even thought of that) or finding girlfriends for myself or thinking about money or whether or not I’m eating Ramen noodles. I’d be happy to live in a cardboard box if it would bring my son back, and if the angel of death appeared and offered me the chance to trade places with him, I’d switch in a heartbeat, as I think any parent would do.

    1. This is really intense and very honest. I appreciate you being so real– powerful stuff. Please copy your comment so you can revisit it again. I’m glad you are able to express your feelings. Best wishes to you

    2. I loved the hell out of my wife and one day I came home from being out of town working and when I walked in the door it was like a tone of bricks hit me I knew something was up,it took me a while to find the evidence that I needed but I got it and alot more now if you love the person trust me youll know

  5. Ms. Emma, The list has enlightened me to the fact my problems are not unique. I met my wife when I was 14 years old and 6 years later in 1993 we got married. I troll the Internet not looking for reasons to get divorced but to troubleshoot my marriage and improve our relationship. It takes hard work to keep it on a positive and healthy lifespan. For me love is not a feeling but a choice. It is hard to love someone at times. I suffer from 9,and 10. I can see 15 being the end result. So how do I fix it now? I know you can’t answer it because your not my wife. How ever I will send my wife this article and the 18 things your exwife wanted to say to you. I hope it helps us as much as it helped me. Thank you for doing your blog.

  6. Why do you care so much about what others have to say about their ex-wives? Unless you regret divorcing him, who gives a rat fuck about what other people think?

  7. To the blogger and the posters:

    I want to share the fact that children have human rights. In the absence of any abuse or neglect (the majority of cases), that means rights to see their mother AND father. Frequently. Often. Always.

    Whatever your feelings fro your spouse, please do not disregard your childrens’ rights. Optimally, you will also not criticize or attack their parent, and you will ensure that others do not attack them, because you know that they think of this as an attack on their soul. You are an adult, think about them before you speak or act.

    Please respect their rights and give them your love. /preach

    1. I couldn’t agree more with your post. Children get pushed aside in a unjust family court system far to often. Decisions by judges and pressures from society that ultimately leave children with a very unhealthy and unbalanced post divorce life. Although still hurt and saddened by my high conflict divorce, my children now reap the benefits of a father that was willing to loose everything to be as involved as possible. To all you dads!!! Keep up the good fight for your children. They need you.

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