Through my circle of friends and single moms I meet through this blog, I often hear cries of horror about the thought of single mom dating. Especially if you have kids. What man in his right mind would date someone with so much baggage? single moms wonder. I can’t imagine getting out there again! My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years!
These single mothers are missing out. Big time. I’ve spent the past three years dating as a single mom – including a year-long relationship—and let me tell you something: there is no better time than to date than as a single mom.
Single moms already have their kids.
Now you can date for you. When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children. I have them now. Two awesome, healthy ones, in fact. I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three. The pressure is off as a single mom.
Single moms are kinder to themselves…
…and that makes you a delight to be around. Divorce is a bummer. So many disappointments, self-blame, and broken hearts. To move on, you must forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Forgive the friends and in-laws who you felt deserted you. This kindness bleeds into your other relationships. Since becoming a single mother I have found that I am so much less judgmental of myself. I am also far less critical of other people, including men. And guess what? They seem to like me more for it! Imagine that.
Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves
Being a single mom means that you have been through at least three life-altering experiences. 1) you became a parent, which will blow your mind, heart and life in incredible ways, and 2) you’ve found yourself single after a serious longterm relationship. 3) You’ve faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood. Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you. You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it.
Single moms are sexier!
Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equals being a richer, fuller person. People are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way. Especially the people you want to attract, aka awesome men.
Single mothers accept their bodies.
You’ve carried and birthed and nursed a baby. You know what an amazing thing the female body is. Its imperfections? Who cares! Age and childbearing has allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. Including sex.
Sex as a single mom is better.
When you feel comfortable with your body, let go of past hang-ups, and are less critical of your partner – that’s when stuff gets good. Plus, there’s no pressure re: babymaking (see No. 1).
Single mothers have become the women they’re meant to be.
When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally. My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me. Now, I have reached many milestones in my career, relationships, and inner life. I know who am, and what I want. Which makes dating about 1,000 times easier.
Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend.
Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Our time is limited. How could we be clingy? When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it. Throw a fit because he didn’t text for 3 days? Please. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule.
Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy.
Because you have less time. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone. There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely. Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one.
Recent breakup? Don’t miss an opportunity of a lifetime — to be single!
Nothing breaks my heart more than a woman who cannot be without a man. That personality is always rife with desperation, bad decisions and alienating others who love her best. Never a good look.
Even if you are not prone to dramatics of partnering up ASAP, you may feel like a loser because you are not in a relationship. It is normal to feel sad and lonely if you don’t have a boy- or girlfriend. (It can also feel horny, but that is a slightly different topic — don’t get those confused!)
In this episode I share why being single is such an incredible opportunity you should not squander. It doesn’t have to be forever, but if you couple-up right away, you miss out on so many opportunities for personal growth, new adventure, learning so much about yourself, others around you, and what your next relationship might be.