9 reasons dating is better as a single mom

single mom dating

Through my circle of friends and single moms I meet through this blog, I often hear cries of horror about the thought of single mom dating.

Especially if you have kids.

What man in his right mind would consider dating a single mom? I can’t imagine getting out there again! My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years!

These single mothers are missing out. Big time.

I’ve spent the past three years dating as a single mom – including a year-long relationship—and let me tell you something: there is no better time to date than as a single mom.

I've received so many questions and emails from women about this topic that I put together a video course for single moms wanting to get out into the dating world again.

Don't quite have the confidence yet? Or know you need to make some changes in regards to the way you think about yourself?

Learn how to get your groove on, get back out there, and how to enjoy dating again with Get back into dating for single moms.

Here are nine reasons why I believe dating as a single woman is better:

  1. Single moms already have their kids
  2. Single moms are kinder to themselves
  3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves
  4. Single moms are sexier
  5. Single mothers accept their bodies
  6. Single mothers have become the women they're meant to be
  7. Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend
  8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy
  9. Sex as a single mom is better

1. Single moms already have their kids.

Now you can date for you.

When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children.

I have them now. Two awesome, healthy ones, in fact. I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three.

The pressure is off as a single mom. Get started today by checking out my post on the best dating apps to use as a single mom!

2. Single moms are kinder to themselves…

…and that makes you a delight to be around.

Divorce is a bummer.

So many disappointments, self-blame, and broken hearts. To move on, you must forgive.

Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Forgive the friends and in-laws who you felt deserted you.

This kindness bleeds into your other relationships. Since becoming a single mother I have found that I am so much less judgmental of myself.

I am also far less critical of other people, including men. And guess what? They seem to like me more for it! Imagine that.

3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves.

Being a single mom means that you have been through at least three life-altering experiences.

  1. You became a parent, which will blow your mind, heart, and life in incredible ways.
  2. You’ve found yourself single after a serious long-term relationship.
  3. You've faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood.

Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you.

You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it.

4. Single moms are sexier!

Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equal being a richer, fuller person.

People are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way.

Especially the people you want to attract, aka awesome men.

5. Single mothers accept their bodies.

You’ve carried and birthed and nursed a baby.

You know what an amazing thing the female body is.

It's imperfections? Who cares!

Age and childbearing have allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. Including sex.

Not quite there yet? Consider therapy to help work through your confidence hang-ups, and get your power back. Online therapy is a great option for single moms: very affordable, convenient because you communicate with your counselor via text, phone or video, and its anonymous! BetterHelp has thousands of therapists to choose from. Check out BetterHelp now >>

6. Single mothers have become the women they're meant to be.

When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally.

My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me.

Now, I have reached many milestones in my career, relationships, and inner life.

I know who am, and what I want. Which makes dating about 1,000 times easier.

7. Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend.

Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Our time is limited.

How could we be clingy? When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it.

Throw a fit because he didn’t text for 3 days?

Please. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule.

8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy.

Because you have less time. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone.

There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely.

Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one.

9. Sex as a single mom is better.

When you feel comfortable with your body, let go of past hang-ups, and are less critical of your partner – that’s when stuff gets good.

Plus, there’s no pressure re: babymaking (see No. 1).

There is something amazing and magical that happens when women divorce. They get beautiful. And they get horny.

It's no coincidence these two things go hand-in-hand. Or that they follow divorce. No matter how contentious or acrimonious or downright explosively miserable the end of your marriage was, being divorced is better. It always is. It was sad. It sucked. Now it's better.

Here is why:

After divorce, you feel alive again

When you finally sell off his engagement ring, that heavy, nasty weight of your ex leaves and you realize that you will survive and that life does go on, all of a sudden the sun starts to shine a little brighter. You start to notice the different shades of green of the leaves in that tree that has been outside your house for years and years. Your children seem unbelievably wonderful, and your own reflection in the mirror starts to not look so horrible. It is as if those cracks of light inside of you are now on the outside. And everything about you — on the inside and the outside — everything is better.

And the men. The men! All of a sudden, you start to notice that there are men in the world. Not just people with hair on their arms who smell different that we do. They are men who have bodies and hands and deep voices that offer compliments and eyes — eyes. Eyes that look at you and make you realize that those men are thinking things. Things about you. And that makes you think those things about yourself, too. And about those men. And those men? They're everywhere.

Sex can finally be just about pleasure.

And sooner or later you find ways to be with those men. On dates, and in bed. And you cannot believe how much better it was than the last time around. The last time you were in your 20s! You were silly and looking for a husband and had an agenda! This time? Who cares!? Well, you care — about everything. About all those feelings and the touching and the joy and the thrill and that passion and the love. Love wasn't this great last time, was it? Could it have gotten better? And yet you care about nothing. None of those things that were on your list. You have those things yourself — the kids and the house and the career. You start to see the spots in yourself that a man can fill. And you start to see men in different ways. Because you are different.

And the men — they are better, too.

There is no speculating this time, no guessing about what he might look like in middle age, or whether he will fulfill all those dazzling plans he lays out, or whether he has the capacity for love and friendship and joy. Because now they have track records and portfolios. Of life. And you shop for them, and try them on and enjoy them. Meet awesome men on EliteSingles.com, one of my favorite dating sites. That is the thing about being divorced and dating. You enjoy men. Because you enjoy yourself. And life is full and secure like it wasn't before. And what is more beautiful than that?

dating after divorce

Nothing breaks my heart more than a woman who cannot be without a man. That personality is always rife with desperation, bad decisions and alienating others who love her best. Never a good look.

Even if you are not prone to the dramatics of partnering up ASAP, you may feel like a loser because you are not in a relationship.

It is normal to feel sad and lonely if you don't have a boy- or girlfriend. (It can also feel horny, but that is a slightly different topic — don't get those confused!)

In this episode, I share why being single is such an incredible opportunity you should not squander.

It doesn't have to be forever, but if you couple-up right away, you miss out on so many opportunities for personal growth, a new adventure, learning so much about yourself, others around you, and what your next relationship might be.

Ready to start dating? I'm a huge fan of online dating, which is where I met my boyfriend of 2.5 years.

eHarmony and Match.com are two of the biggest sites — and you can browse for free :) Elite Singles, which tends to have more educated, professional members, is also a great choice. Read my Elite Singles review.


Recent breakup? Don't miss an opportunity of a lifetime — to be single!

Other ways to listen: iTunes  ♦  Stitcher   ♦  TuneIn   ♦  SoundCloud  ♦  Google Play


About Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list.Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.

96 Comments

  1. dandy on June 4, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    I’ve tried dating but have encountered too much negativity from men over my single parent status. My last date the guy was so rude I just got up and walked out. I know I’m the outlier here but I’m perfectly content to be alone. I’ll be an empty nester next year and in many ways I am looking forward to it.

  2. Susan Ipavec on October 17, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    YES! I totally needed to read this…just starting to get back out there again (dating) post-divorce. Needed this encouragement.

    • Jim on September 7, 2018 at 6:11 pm

      You couldn’t commit to your marriage vows, now you expect some chump to commit to you? Oh yeah, every single mom you ask , the guy was always at fault. Single mothers are cancer; just look at the prisons, teen pregnancy, drop out rates, drug abuse and every other screwed up stat……single mothers should be shamed. Unless they are a widow, or some other legitimate reason which probably constitutes less than 10% of these women.

  3. Rebecca on October 31, 2017 at 6:31 am

    Dating as a single mom sounds awesome! If only I could get someone to watch my kids.

    • Justanotherdude on November 7, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      And by the time you’ve done that, the guy you are after will have hooked-up with a single, childfree woman…

    • Katie on April 2, 2019 at 6:01 pm

      Right?!?

  4. jamshed Iqbal on December 30, 2017 at 6:25 am

    One should marry with such single mom to avoid them from sins..

  5. SingleMom on February 28, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    Interesting article but definitely not my experience in the last 8 years as a single mom. Don’t assume a woman doesn’t want anymore kids after divorce. I had onechild but always wanted a bigger family. I got divorced when my child was a baby so I was hoping to find the traditional family experience. I wasn’t expecting to be navigation through the world of first date vasectomy announcements. That kind of shuts things down right there! There are just so many factors now, & the dating pool is much smaller in my late 30’s. The worst part is the number of married men that want to have some sort of relationship with me. I was definitely living in Fantasy Land in my 20’s because I had no idea how the real world worked. I think I would rather not know.

    • Truth hurts on March 7, 2018 at 11:46 pm

      Yes dating single moms is the worst situation a man can get into especially if the father has nothing to do with them. They are desperate don’t know how to judge character or protect themselves and the proof is crying at night while you are trying to sleep or bang it’s mom. run guys run

      • Mv on April 9, 2019 at 8:27 am

        This trolling mysoginist comments should be taken down. This person has nothing to contribute to discussion and is obviously trolling on a sensitive subject.

        Guys with small penises should not be allowed to comment on internet. They are sour.

        Have fun ladies!!!

  6. Erin on March 30, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    This article was great until I read some of the horrible comments from men. This is singlemommy.com…why you care so much!! Everybody has the right to go on and live their best lives, a woman with a child(ren) takes on a different style relatioship…but its certainly not the “worst situation” a man could find himself in. Ridiculous that these men on here need to give their two cents. None of us are talking to you anyway with that kind of mindset so please..step off and go find your perfect woman ha.

    • Jim on September 7, 2018 at 4:06 pm

      That is why they are damaged goods. Any man of means with a brain realizes this…..

      • R G on April 3, 2019 at 11:27 pm

        It seems like someone hurt your little heart. You are very pathetic and a single childless woman needs to run from you. Grow up and mind your business. It seems you have no brain with the words you are writing. Ignorant.

  7. Dennis on May 3, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    Dennis

    I have met quit a few single moms from dating site over the past few years, and probably the biggest frustration is some of them can’t ever seem to find time to meet or cancel often. Though there are some I think just weren’t that interested and just used the mom thing as an excuse. That’s also why I don’t do dating sites anymore at all. Another big hurdle is finding one that wants at least two more children. Most of the ones I end up talking don’t want anymore, got fixed, or want to just adopt a teen instead. I don’t have a problem raising child that’s not biologically mine or even adopt, but step parent isn’t going to cut it by itself. Some step parents get to be the parent, while others have to take more of an under-parent that ultimately has to submit to the bio-parent. I’m still open to dating single moms, but just more hesitant about it anymore.

    • Dennis on May 3, 2018 at 4:29 pm

      And they would probably only have to have 2 or less. Until I reach a certain age, the more kids thing will still be a dealbreaker, so I decided to be upfront about it.

    • Jim on September 7, 2018 at 4:05 pm

      That is why they are damaged goods.

  8. Leo on May 25, 2018 at 12:30 am

    Well, I did not read all the comments, but some of them. It seems that my opinion is completely different to most men over here. I am a single man in my mid 30s, never married,, no kid, Asian, financially stable. I really like one of my co-workers who is a single mom in her 30s, and I am trying to find a way to win her heart. I have been reading some online articles, blogs, and watched some videos, and trying to understand single mom’s life. I found there are good and bad but those things never bother me at all. I think if I can find the issue, then I can find the solution. I told her if I date a single mom, I will take all. It is a package deal. So if anyone has advice for me, then feel free leave comments…Thanks!

    – Leo

    • sadoih on July 30, 2018 at 6:59 am

      You seem like a nice guy. Please don’t make that mistake.

  9. Ben Jargon on May 27, 2018 at 5:28 am

    No, it ain’t. It’s always a bad idea for a variety of reasons for a man to date a single mother, let alone marry her. I’ve dated two in my time. Never again. Stay away.

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    • Jim on September 7, 2018 at 3:52 pm

      Your cap lock is on. No wonder he looked for someone else……

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  15. David on May 10, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Respectfully, I couldn’t disagree more. I have dated single moms. Compared to dating never-married girls, there is no comparison. Single moms have a lot of constituents and you’re sure as heck not going to come first. I found in some cases that I did not like their kids, nor they me. I have made it a strict condition of my willingness to date someone that they have never been married and have no kids. I have one son, so I suppose that’s a bit hypocritical, but so be it. The old saw “date the youngest, slimmest, and prettiest girl you can find and don’t go near single moms romantically” is pretty much right.

  16. Shar on May 14, 2019 at 8:22 am

    The insultaing male comments are pathetic, what are you doing on a single mum site? No decent independent single mum would be interested in you anyway. When men like you approach me, Im insulted that you have a chance. You sound as though you mostly pay for sex or end up with weak women you can push around that dont know their worth, enjoy your empty ignorant life …its men like you that are often in the closet, just saying its one life, be true to yourself

    • Shar on May 14, 2019 at 8:24 am

      *think you have a chance

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