9 reasons dating is better as a single mom

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Through my circle of friends and single moms I meet through this blog, I often hear cries of horror about the thought of dating.

Especially if you have kids.

What man in his right mind would consider dating a single mom? I can’t imagine getting out there again! My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years!

These fears are totally normal — but don't let them hold you back.

I’ve spent the past 9 years dating as a single mom — including my current 3-year, committed relationship to a single dad — and let me tell you something: there is no better time to date than as a single mom.

Ready to start dating? Looking for a serious relationship? Our No. 1 recommendation is eharmony, which is consistently rated the most trusted dating site, and is designed specifically for those looking for meaningful, long-term connections. A+ Better Business Bureau rating, and claims “Every day, an average of 438 singles marry a match they found on eharmony.” 3-month free guarantee.

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Here are nine reasons why I believe dating as a single woman is better:

  1. Single moms already have their kids
  2. Single moms are kinder to themselves
  3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves
  4. Single moms are sexier
  5. Single mothers accept their bodies
  6. Single mothers have become the women they're meant to be
  7. Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend
  8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy
  9. Sex as a single mom is better

1. Single moms already have their kids.

Now you can date for you.

When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children.

I have them now. Two awesome, healthy ones, in fact. I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three.

The pressure is off as a single mom. Get started today by checking out my post on the best dating apps to use as a single mom!

2. Single moms are kinder to themselves…

…and that makes you a delight to be around.

Divorce is a bummer.

So many disappointments, self-blame, and broken hearts. To move on, you must forgive.

Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Forgive the friends and in-laws who you felt deserted you.

This kindness bleeds into your other relationships. Since becoming a single mother I have found that I am so much less judgmental of myself.

I am also far less critical of other people, including men. And guess what? They seem to like me more for it! Imagine that.

3. Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves.

Being a single mom means that you have been through at least three life-altering experiences.

  1. You became a parent, which will blow your mind, heart, and life in incredible ways.
  2. You’ve found yourself single after a serious long-term relationship.
  3. You've faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood.

Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you.

You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it.

Still feel like you have work to do on yourself before you start dating? I understand. Online therapy with BetterHelp is a great option for busy single moms. Prices start at $65/week for unlimited messaging and weekly live sessions. Financial assistance available. It is also anonymous, and there are thousands of counselors, which makes it easy to find a great fit (kind of like the benefits of online dating apps!). Check out our review of the best online therapy platforms.

4. Single moms are sexier!

Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equal being a richer, fuller person.

People are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way.

Especially the people you want to attract, aka awesome men.

5. Single mothers accept their bodies.

You’ve carried and birthed and nursed a baby.

You know what an amazing thing the female body is.

It's imperfections? Who cares!

Age and childbearing have allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. Including sex.

6. Single mothers have become the women they're meant to be.

When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally.

My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me.

Now, I have reached many milestones in my career, relationships, and inner life.

I know who am, and what I want. Which makes dating about 1,000 times easier.

Tinder reviews for 2021 — is this dating app worth it?

7. Single moms are not that annoying, needy girlfriend.

Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Our time is limited.

How could we be clingy? When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it.

Throw a fit because he didn’t text for 3 days?

Please. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule.

Dating red flags — and when to call it quits

Why am I so lonely?

When I first divorced I felt soooooooo lonely. Even though I'd been miserable in my marriage, I was used to someone else being in the house, being part of a couple. Even if you have a lot of friends and a loving family, wonderful kids, you may feel lonely. Why?

  • Humans need human contact, and if you are used to having an adult companion full-time, that is now gone. You feel that loss. It is a form of grief.
  • You are used to being part of a couple and now you are not. You still have to find your identity as a single person. It can take time, trial and error, trying on new personas and habits.
  • You may have lost friends and connections to family members through your divorce or breakup. That is a real loss you must mourn.
  • You spend too much time with kids, and not enough time with adults.

How do single moms cope with loneliness?

Here are some ways to mitigate loneliness as a single mom:

  • Lean into alone time with the goal of enjoying your company.
  • Make new and meaningful connections outside of your current social circle. This can be through a new hobby, new faith community, fitness group, or even online like our Facebook group Millionaire Single Moms.
  • Date.

Read our review of Top dating apps for single moms

 How to get over your ex and loneliness, and find love again

Some Reddit posts on this topic of lonliness and single motherhood:

7 rules for friends with benefits

8. Single mothers are less susceptible to wasting time on the wrong guy.

Because you have less time. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone.

There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely.

Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one.

9. Sex as a single mom is better.

When you feel comfortable with your body, let go of past hang-ups, and are less critical of your partner – that’s when stuff gets good.

Plus, there’s no pressure to have babies.

There is something amazing and magical that happens when women divorce. They get beautiful. And they get horny.

It's no coincidence these two things go hand-in-hand. Or that they follow divorce. No matter how contentious or acrimonious or downright explosively miserable the end of your marriage was, being divorced is better. It always is. It was sad. It sucked. Now it's better.

Here is why:

After divorce, you feel alive again

When you finally sell off his engagement ring, that heavy, nasty weight of your ex leaves and you realize that you will survive and that life does go on, all of a sudden the sun starts to shine a little brighter. You start to notice the different shades of green of the leaves in that tree that has been outside your house for years and years. Your children seem unbelievably wonderful, and your own reflection in the mirror starts to not look so horrible. It is as if those cracks of light inside of you are now on the outside. And everything about you — on the inside and the outside — everything is better.

And the men. The men! All of a sudden, you start to notice that there are men in the world. Not just people with hair on their arms who smell different that we do. They are men who have bodies and hands and deep voices that offer compliments and eyes — eyes. Eyes that look at you and make you realize that those men are thinking things. Things about you. And that makes you think those things about yourself, too. And about those men. And those men? They're everywhere.

Why I don't live for my kids — and that is my biggest gift to them

Sex can finally be just about pleasure.

And sooner or later you find ways to be with those men. On dates, and in bed. And you cannot believe how much better it was than the last time around. The last time you were in your 20s! You were silly and looking for a husband and had an agenda!

This time? Who cares!?

Well, you care — about everything. About all those feelings and the touching and the joy and the thrill and that passion and the love. Love wasn't this great last time, was it? Could it have gotten better? And yet you care about nothing. None of those things that were on your list. You have those things yourself — the kids and the house and the career. You start to see the spots in yourself that a man can fill. And you start to see men in different ways. Because you are different.

5 tips for dating after divorce

Men are better after divorce, too.

There is no speculating this time, no guessing about what he might look like in middle age, or whether he will fulfill all those dazzling plans he lays out, or whether he has the capacity for love and friendship and joy. Because now they have track records and portfolios. Of life. And you shop for them, and try them on and enjoy them.  That is the thing about being divorced and dating. You enjoy men. Because you enjoy yourself. And life is full and secure like it wasn't before. And what is more beautiful than that?

Nothing breaks my heart more than a woman who cannot be without a man. That personality is always rife with desperation, bad decisions and alienating others who love her best. Never a good look.

Even if you are not prone to the dramatics of partnering up ASAP, you may feel like a loser because you are not in a relationship.

It is normal to feel sad and lonely if you don't have a boy- or girlfriend. (It can also feel horny, but that is a slightly different topic — don't get those confused!)

In this episode, I share why being single is such an incredible opportunity you should not squander.

It doesn't have to be forever, but if you couple-up right away, you miss out on so many opportunities for personal growth, a new adventure, learning so much about yourself, others around you, and what your next relationship might be.

Best hookup sites and apps for single moms

After divorce as a single mom, you can experiment sexually

Recently single mom friend Sarah and I were IMing about how we prefer men who are aggressive in bed.

“I'm the CEO of my entire life!” Sarah complained. “Do you know how hot it is to let someone else take over for 20 minutes?”

“It's not just in bed – give me a vacation from my life for a while,” I responded. I was referencing my weekend date — a guy I met on OKCupid named Lou who I have pretty much nothing in common with but proved to be the perfect Saturday night activity. For the past few months I've been in a dateless funk fueled by disappointment that a love interest didn't pan out and a long, grey, life-filled winter. Despite being little of what I am looking for in the long-term, this Sicilian-born, Harley-riding electrical engineer from Queens charmed me with a witty profile, flirty and articulate messages and pics that suggested — quite accurately, I found — a darling smile and a 6'3″ body built like a brick shit house.

Hotness aside, I knew Lou was just what my mental health needed when he called to arrange the date. He would drive to my neighborhood, so, per protocol, I promised to text him a location to meet. “What are you talking about?” he said in a loud, friendly, Queens accent. “I'm picking you up and I'm taking you out!”

Music to my ears!

Let me back up here. If I had to describe myself — which one is prone to do when she finds herself juxtaposed with a Lou — it would be that I'm a New York intellectual who dates more or less the same. My boyfriends tend to be writers and filmmakers interested in lefty politics and sustainable urban development. Lots of skinny jeans, the occasional fedora and dates that involve plenty of polite negotiating and triangulating a mutually convenient meeting point. Lou is Republican who wore a gold crucifix under his slim-cut waffle shirt, and he picked me up and took me out.

When I got in the car, I immediately took to Lou's big, warm vibe. He took my hand and kissed my cheek hello, cracking a giant, handsome smile. “What's this?” he said. “You're the only woman I know who doesn't do her nails!” And off we went in his pickup all the way across Queens to a neon-lit Mexican restaurant with valet parking.

I could write a whole post on the beauty of going out with men you have no interest in dating long-term. If you don't care if you ever see the guy again, somehow everyone is freer to be themselves — and enjoy each other more. If I was looking at Lou through relationship goggles, I might have bristled when describing his most recent relationship with a woman who moved into her new house by transporting one dining chair per day in her car.

Life after divorce — 3 things you can do now to move on

“Look, sometimes I like to be a man, you know?” Lou said. “I told her, ‘Listen, I'll come by Saturday with three of my friends and we'll move you in one day.' But she said I was being too pushy. Women!” Instead of recoiling in feminist disgust, my interest was piqued. What other ways did he like to be a man? And was he going to show me on our singular date?

That's the thing with the Lous of the world, Sarah and I agreed. We love that they take over plans for the evening, and then take over our bodies for the night. When you are an independent woman with lots of responsibilities, many men assume that we want to carry out that strong role all the time. But I need to feel like a woman, and the times I enjoy that most are when I am with a man. If I am being honest with myself, being a woman means – to a degree – being passive. And that requires a man who is – to a degree – the alpha.

Lou is not going to be my boyfriend. My boyfriend will be “an artsy-fartsy guy”  (as Lou described my type) with whom I will triangulate our first date. I loved hanging out with Lou, the macho way he relieved me of any responsibility for the evening, the easy way I fell into passively following his lead, crucifix dangling in my face much of the night.  But I am a woman with an opinion or 50, and a clear vision for my role in the world. I can't imagine settling for anything less than intimacy with someone who is my partner, my equal. Can that person be someone who is totally dominant? Could I ever be happy being consistently passive?

“You're fun to hang out with,” Lou said, pulling the covers up to his chin. “Do you like to spoon? Roll over, let me spoon you.”

And I did.

Sex and dating in middle age are actually a lot like dating as a teenager

One Sunday morning I had brunch with my brother Josh and sister-in-law Susan. They're in their early 30s, don't have kids, stay out late, and sleep in on weekends.

Susan grilled me about my date from the night before while my little brother pretended he'd lost his hearing.

“We went for Ethiopian food in the Village and then he drove me home,” I said.

“Why didn't you invite him up?” Susan asked.

“Are you crazy? The kids and the babysitter were there.”

“So what, he got to second base in the car and then you were home by midnight?”

“Basically, yes!”

“Oh my God. That is so funny. And that's so early!”

I felt a little defensive about my single mommy lifestyle. Because, really, what can you do? But then I realized that dating as a single parent is kind of horrible and awesome in the same way that being a teenager is horrible and awesome.

In fact, while necking in his four-door sedan (car seats in back) my single-dad love interest and I were laughing about all the ways that dating as a parent is the same as dating in high school:

It can be tricky to find alone time, everyone's finances are limited, and you often have to answer to the scrutiny of parental figures. After all, had I ushered my date upstairs Saturday, I'd have had to face Karen, our beloved long-time babysitter who serves as a surrogate grandmother to my kids and me. What would she think?

My friend Sarah is a professional single mom whose ex lives out of state — drastically limiting her child-free hours, and forcing her to turn to babysitting from her mother in order to get laid. Tapping her inner teenager, Sarah always lies to her mom about her whereabouts when she goes out with men, lest she get “the third degree about whether he'd make a good father.”

“I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to deal with the judgment,” Sarah told me. And so she obeys her mom's rules–or else she pays the price. “I told one guy I went out with that we'd be skipping dinner and going straight to sex because I had to be home by 11:30,” she said. In my case, I was acutely aware that every minute spent making out in that car also came at a price — the cold, hard hourly rate paid to Karen.

The upside of all this finagling and sneaking and financing is that it collectively mounts the lusty, torturous tension lacking in readily-available sex. Like, for example, in marriage. In other words, sex as a single mom can be unbelievably hot. Which was probably not the case when we were in high school.

But Sarah and I agreed that sex isn't the only part of dating that makes us feel like we're in 10th grade again. I nearly didn't publish this post. I mean, what if my date reads it and feels betrayed or embarrassed and doesn't call me again? I mean, OMG, I would totally DIE, cuz I like totally like him! But like, would it be my fault? I mean, he knows I blog about my life or whatever, so, like, whatever!?

How to date as a single mom

Not sure about getting out there again, and to be dating as a single mom?

1. Recognize your fears as normal, but commit to dating anyway.

These fears might include:

  • Being unattractive with your age/mom bod
  • Having too much emotional baggage to attract a quality man
  • Traumatizing your kids
  • Getting your heart broken

Trust me: used up, lumpy, wounded moms meet quality men every day of the week. Take it from me! Remember: For every divorced mom on the market, there is a lumpy, wounded divorced dad! Embrace your humanity — and his.

2. Rest assured: Your kids will be fine

Just don't date for the sake of looking for a husband, and for the love of God, do not move in any time soon. From my book, The Kickass Single Mom:

One of the most-cited studies about single mothers is the harm caused to children by the instability of boyfriends moving in and out of their home and lives. Leading researcher on single mother families, Sarah S. McLalanahan of Princeton University, found that children raised by single mothers (who tend to be younger and poorer than married moms) are more likely to struggle academically, because these single moms have less stable relationships with their children’s fathers, and men overall, with new boyfriends and their children moving in and out of the family home. It is
fatherlessness and poverty — not divorce or separated families per se — that put kids at risk.

McLalanahan writes:
We found that divorce and separation play a limited role in shaping children’s cognitive abilities, such as language and mathematical skills, which are tested in conventional school examinations. Maternal education and poverty are much more important in this area. In contrast, family instability plays a much bigger role than mothers’ education or poverty in the development of “social-emotional” skills. For example, family instability has twice as much influence as poverty does on whether children develop aggressive behavior. It is on par with poverty in causing childhood anxiety and shyness.

This research is important, and I urge you to heed it. But do not let it scare you into celibacy, or shame you into sneaking or lying about your romantic life, or staying up late worrying that decisions that led to this point have sentenced your children to a crappy life.

Far from it.

Research highlighting mothers’ relationship instability, which is within your control. The research is not about financially independent, unmarried moms who date a bunch of people without committing to them. The risks associated with “partner instability” have little to do with men who do not live in your house, who are not automatically relegated a boyfriend, move in with his children, and other major life changes that come with serious, committed relationships.

The risk to negative outcomes for your kids, we can assume, plummets if you have a healthy attitude about romance, and are financially stable enough that you are not compulsively tempted to co-habit out of financial destitution, rather than healthy commitment to a shared future with a man or woman you love.

3. Download a dating app and get to it!

Ready to start dating? Looking for a serious relationship? Our No. 1 recommendation is eharmony, which is consistently rated the most trusted dating site, and is designed specifically for those looking for meaningful, long-term connections. A+ Better Business Bureau rating, and claims “Every day, an average of 438 singles marry a match they found on eharmony.” 3-month free guarantee.

Check out eharmony now for free, and get a 25% discount with code WSM25>>

If you are ready to get out there, but need some online dating advice, here you go!

  1. Where you live. Each city has its own vibe on each dating site for single moms. For example, OKCupid is among the most popular in New York City where I live, and is the best resource for quality dating. But in other cities, OKC is used mostly for hooking up. Ask your friends. Ask men you date. Check out a few.
  2. Each site has different types of men as members. It’s just like looking for a job – you may have your resume posted on Monster.com, Indeed, and a couple of industry-specific sites. Again, check out a few that others recommend, use their free trials or promotions, and see which has the best selection for you. Likely, you will keep a few accounts going at the same time. Sometimes, more is more!
  3. Don’t give up too soon. Dating is about dating – meeting new people, learning about yourself, your tastes and needs at this time of your life. Just because a date doesn’t lead to marriage does not make it a disaster! Did you have fun? Meet a nice person? Learn something about yourself? Consider it a success!
  4. There is nothing unique about the men who date online. I often hear women say: “I'm giving up on online dating apps! All the guys there are losers!” That is like saying: “I'm going to cut off all my friends who are on Facebook! Only losers are on Facebook!” After all, online dating is 100% normal and commonplace, nothing to be ashamed of and NOT an activity unique to any particular type of person. If online dating isn't working for you now, take a break, assess how you might approach dating in general, and then try again in a few months.
  5. Online dating is what you put into it. If you want to meet honest people, be honest yourself. Here is a deep-dive into why you should be totally honest on your dating profile about your salary and income, as well as whether you have kids
  6. Have fun! The better your attitude about dating and meeting men, the better your experience — no matter the outcome.

The internet is just a medium for meeting men. A tool for connecting with other humans. Like Facebook or Instagram, but with more potential for sex, romance and STDs (kidding / not kidding).

Keep at it, try new things and keep an open mind. Also: HAVE FUN!

In the meantime, you can also consider dating apps as simply another social media. I did.

Dating quotes for single moms

Worried about dating with your mom bod? From my book, The Kickass Single Mom:

If you are like me, all that hard-knock life that you just lived through made you a better person. And better people just don’t give a shit about things like cellulite, perfectly minty breath or perky tits. You also don’t care so much about whether your partner’s back is furry, or his gut paunchy, or his head dome-y. Maybe you’re not quite there yet on any of these fronts, and that is OK. I address this later on. 

For many moms, including myself, motherhood freed me to connect with my sexuality in incredible ways. After all, having a baby is all about bodies- my body swelling and birthing and nursing another human body. I found a sensuality in those years being pregnant and breastfeeding for the sake of another person. I found acceptance, too. Along with the beauty and power of child birth is pain, and excreting body fluids in front of others, and paying very close attention to what both my body felt, as well as being in tune with another person’s body — sensibilities that were then ignited in new and different ways when I connect with men. 

Also, I stopped giving such a shit about things that used to stand between me and very powerful sex. Kids — and getting them into the world — involve people pooping and peeing on and near you. You likely pooped and peed in front of other people. And there was lots of unabashed nudity — all in the name of arguably the most gorgeous thing in the world (which, you can argue is either a baby, or sex). 

Earlier in my life, I was a little self-conscious about my small, banana boobs with their flat nipples — my college roommate would tease me about my ‘bologna nips.’ But those banana-bologna boobs nursed two gorgeous babies who immediately flourished into deliciously fat, healthy little monkeys would I could not be more delighted to take some credit for, thanks to my awesome breasts. Suddenly, I loved my banana-bologna boobs! 

Ultimately, however, I am here to tell you that men just don’t give a shit. They are just not that picky. Sure, some guys are really, really into Barbie bodies, and maybe they are gym rats or athletes and their partner’s physique is paramount in dating. That is fine. There are millions of men, most of them middle-aged people who don’t look as great as they did 20 years ago. They are worried that their T-shirt shows off their man-boobs, or what you will think about their arms when you’re making out with him and squeeze his biceps. 

Also: many men struggle with impotence. A lot more than the last time you dated. In fact, this is a huge, new problem that I want to write a whole book about (culprits: porn addiction, feminism, and side effects of psychotropic pharmaceuticals so many people take). So while you are worried about your muffin top when you’re riding him, he is terrified his dick won’t work. His fear is worse.

Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, Elle, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. As an expert on divorce and gender, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality and multiple state legislature hearings. More about Emma's credentials.


¨What man in his right mind would consider dating a single mom?¨
The not asshole ones. I believe my kid is a great filter against small-minded idiots hahha.
I am a single mom and people say I should write a book about my story. So, I am kind of doind it throughout my blog. I am very positive about being a single mom, hope I can help other women feel the same

Thanks for your honesty – both Emma and Lara.

Young boys need to read as many of these sorts of comments from women as possible, and from the youngest age possible. It just does not have the same effect coming from a man.

The more young men see how the average woman views them for simply having dating preferences, the more quickly we can reduce the number of unnecessary marriages, divorces, unwanted children, and the other issues that stem from men’s bad decision making.

The sooner that happens, the faster society can heal and progress to a more sensible set of models that are not so abusive and harmful to so many children.

Thanks for this blog. It is enlightening. I will share this with other men. Keep up the great work ladies!

And stay positive!

Interesting article but definitely not my experience in the last 8 years as a single mom. Don’t assume a woman doesn’t want anymore kids after divorce. I had onechild but always wanted a bigger family. I got divorced when my child was a baby so I was hoping to find the traditional family experience. I wasn’t expecting to be navigation through the world of first date vasectomy announcements. That kind of shuts things down right there! There are just so many factors now, & the dating pool is much smaller in my late 30’s. The worst part is the number of married men that want to have some sort of relationship with me. I was definitely living in Fantasy Land in my 20’s because I had no idea how the real world worked. I think I would rather not know.

Great article! I can relate to it completely on both sides. Dating again is the best experience of my life! My personal growth is happening at an exponential rate! I am learning a new skill. ..the art of dating. …15 years later. …middle aged. …divorced. ..with kids. …to a man with the same set of skills. It’s crazy what an amazing opportunity we are being given for fun, growth, excitement, learning from past mistakes, exploring our sexuality and setting healthy boundaries. But the love and profoundly deep connection (that I didn’t know was possible again) is what makes “getting back out there again” completely worth doing! It does require confidence. Thank you for this confident boosting article!

Lovely article. I love how I feel empowered after reading it. Often times, there is such a negative connotation with dating while being a single mom.

This is all so true.

The sex has NEVER been better and I’m not looking for a guy to take care of me financially or my kids or to make kids with me.

As a result, I’m 43 and I am having sex with 21 year old guys (ok sometimes 18 years old) any weekend I want!

I love my body and those young guys have the stamina to go for days. No blue pills needed. They get harder than dating scenes and are so eager to please.

Nothing beats a young man with stamina just standing upright in the wind and awaiting your next command.

They don’t nag you the next day or try to wife you and I certainly don’t nag them.

My kids get a confident and loving mom all week and on the weekends a lot of young men get a ruthless lovemaking machine that can teach them what to do.

It sure beats a 40 year old husband with a gut, wanting to watch a ballgame and needing to take a pill just to grace you with 3 minutes of sex on your birthday or anniversary.

It’s been 3 years since my divorce and I’ve never felt more alive.

I keep getting younger and these eager men are going to stay the same age.

You go ladies!

But get out of my way before I run you over. ;)

hahaha loved your comment! I am 32, but I also don’t think I must stop enjoying my life and having sex only because I am a mom! We must keep flying, but now carrying a little friend with us.

As you said, as long as we are happy and enjoying life, our kids will see an independent and happy mother as role model.

Your sons will end up hating women and you are the reason most men who hate women feel the way they do. You reveal your worth to be no more than a piece of meat, you reduce yourself to no more than sex and then complain when we men see you trash. Great job, way to progress…. Grow up, pathetic middle aged women attempting to reclaim some sense of power through feeble superficial pleasure are even sadder than their middle aged male counterparts… Pleasure is always fun, but your are blind if you honestly believe yourself to be fulfilled and happy. You are but temporarily satiated until you get the next fix, the next burst of intensity to distract or numb your emptiness. I use and abuse women like you losers all day long, humiliate and degrade like the trash you make yourselves out to be… Repugnant…

Imagine bragging about abusing women just because they choose to enjoy sex. Yikes. Get some therapy Eric, this is not a good look and you clearly need some help.

Emma, I commend you on taking your valley, (after divorce) and helping others through the ordeal! I am at the beginning stages of being a single mother of twins, not going to lie, I have moments of looking forward to dating again and moments of do I really want to. But I am enjoying my twins who are the blessings of my life and they are 2 years old, so time will provide all things necessary. Cheers to me for standing tall! Now where is the wine?

i was quite scared to start dating after my divorce. My ex was abusive, my kids terrified of men and I had left my religion. Dating in the religion was easy, no sex before marriage so there were no expectations on dates etc. dating outside my religion scared me because I was so sheltered and naive from my upbringing.

I have to say, loved it. It was so freeing compared to dating before. I know myself. I have confidence. I didn’t have time nor would I put up with dramas.

I met my current partner when I least expected it. We were close friends first and the first male after my divirce my kids adored and weren’t scared of (abuse was so bad they couldn’t even go to the shops because if a male looked at them they got scared).

He has done wonders for my daughters and I and funny thing is he was quite the single bachelor, travelling, partying etc before he moved in as a flat mate. Once he was in our house he realised this was what he wanted. No pressure though. I have my kids. I’ve been married and now what we have is relaxed and what we both want.

Love your article.

For all the reasons listed above, it’s quite nice to date single moms. The confidence and lack of “bullshit” you bring doesn’t just benefit you. It creates a great space for two.

And, I am sure that single parent or otherwise, we all have baggage. Don’t think you’re so special that only your baggage matters ;-)


Working on a post (in my mind): Why don’t we just expect every relationship to be a shit show? Thanks for chiming in and the supportive words !!

I enjoyed this post! I felt guilty for the longest time that I was having a better time fating than I did when I was married! The awesome thing is – if you are tired of “eating candy bars” and the “novelty”, & prefer to just lay low for a while – go for it! Being single puts the power of choice back in your court. I know exactly what I want and do not want. I become tired of men who try to pressure me into having more kids!!! I have three!!! They say, “well you don’t look like it”…etc… I think – yeah! It was harder than hard to gain my body, confidence, and independence back… so back the hell away if you want that – er , uh, please find someone else’s uterus to occupy with your DNA. My babes are mine, and that is it! I welcome others’ kids with open arms, but my body IS DONE! Case in point ? I am excited to schedule my tubal next month! :D

LOL “dating” rather than “fating” — although hey! That’d be cool if I did meet the exact guy by way of fate! :D

What to do when the father of my child forgets to feed my child, is minipulative and cancels whenever he feels like it…he wants things on his terms when it doesn’t meet my daughters best interests because he doesn’t want to see me. I have concerns for his mental health and don’t know what to do …

I’d love to hear from some older single mommies – wealthy or not (preferably not, so I can relate more easily) about dating after menopause – I sometimes wonder what the point is – men want sex- post menopausal women do too -sorta-after some time) but it’s really not the same – it requires a trust and a friendship first. How do those women who are dating, and not feeling sexual (but know they can with the right man) first find, and then attract a man? And my guess is that single moms of teens could be more “needy” than moms of young kids – for many reasons but not the least of which is: we don’t want to get old alone! Yet we don’t want to settle …. Personally I’m “off the market” till I figure this out – menopause sure throws a wrench into all of that awesome sexy dating stuff. (I know because I did that too- in fact it all ended as abruptly as the menopause came on! I now read your article and see we are on very different pages – and I do very much miss being on that sexy dating page!! I know it’s possible – I don’t see many folks like me talking about it (except for Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin!).

These are great questions, Sandra … I think only you can find the ultimate answer for yourself, but I do hope some of your age peers chime in with their experience. However, I will say this: Why stay off the market to do your research? What about dating, casually, without sex (or with, should the mood strike), as you explore what you want, how that fits with men you’re meeting, and take it from there? Thoughts?

I’m a single mom in my 30’s and love sex. But I’m not currently having sex with the men that I’m dating because of my faith beliefs. I’m not saying I’m a saint. I had a kid out of wedlock 7 years ago. Sex confuses everything anyways. I’ve committed to not having sex UNTIL I’m in a committed relationship. Dating is really fun right now even without sex! Otherwise, I’m happy being single and with my kid. What do you think?

This is strange for me. I’m separated, 6 years, and just agreed to a divorce. I was never ever a dater and since 6 years not been intimate with anyone. Reading these dating tip seems a bit off for me because I never was one to begin with. I “dated” people I knew through sports, work, friends. Now I find myself single, jobless at 49 and the last thing I can think of is “dating”. I’m more worried about getting on my feet than dating. I’m a true believer in love and that it will always come when the time is right. I have confidence about my looks, my attitude and that sure one day when the time is right my soulmate will come along. At this moment it’s impossible for me to think of dating and honestly I feel like there’s so much emphasis on dating that it freaks me out. I suppose it’s on a lot of newly single women’s minds. This article is good but it’s nothing I don’t already think myself so in that, it’s a relief someone else thinks like me. But stop dreaming me out and make me feel like a bigger loser that I’m divorced, jobless and “single”. A man in my bed doesn’t make me whole but a soulmate in my life would be nice :).

I agree with those and I certainly feel liberated this time around. However, dating has had its ups and downs. Most men I’ve dated since my divorce have been the kind that only wants fun in the now. I didn’t mind having fun, but the novelty wore off and it got tiresome. Younger men also tend to be too lazy or cheap to take you on real dates. The man I’m seeing now was my college crush from 23 years ago. The feelings were still there and came to the surface as soon as we met. He asked me why I stopped dating guys for a while and I said that I got tired of eating candy bars. I wanted the filet mignon dinner. It’s much more satisfying. And he is all that.

Great story Sheila! Takeaway: Date on your own terms, as your mood and needs evolve. Some days all I want to do is eat Butterfingers. Others a salad hits the spot. Or, your steak dinner sounds pretty awesome right now. xx Congrats on the new love :)

I love this! All very true. And I must say, I have had a lot of fun dating as a single mom, way more fun then I had in my twenties.

I too enjoyed toihngt’s PBS adaptation. Mr. Knightley is very easy on the eyes. LOL– Can’t wait until next weeks episode. I will be ordering this version on DVD.Funny thing is Emma is the only JA book that is missing from my bookshelf. I too must order a copy.hugs-missy-

I married at 19. I’m fairly certain my dating social skills have fossilized at this point. Yes, I dread the thought of ever dating post divorce.

Job – this is so interesting and I’ve been thinking of writing a post about how people get stuck thinking of themselves as the last time they were single – which in many cases was a long time ago. Stay tuned for a related post!

The last part for me definitely rings true. I can spot red flags very quickly, I will call the other person out on those red flags and I’m so much more confident about what I truly want.

The reverse has seemed to happen now that I have been a single mom for well over 5 years is that I’m up front and will spell it out early if there is no future. I also ask for that up front because it doesn’t make sense for anyone to waste anyone’s time.

I think it is part of life, too — the more intense our experiences, the better we know yourselves (hopefully) and the better our instincts and intuition – which lead to better decisions.

What a supportive and motivating article for single moms. It is all too easy to be afraid of entering the dating world again, and your article is a very encouraging pick-me-up that highlights all the benefits of getting back in the game. I also really appreciated this quote, “To move on, you must forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Forgive the friends and in-laws who deserted you.” That is such great advice. Thank you for sharing!

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