As a single mom of twins, my body was wrecked from pregnancy.
But even before that, I struggled with my weight. I’d tried every diet and exercise program in the book, including an intensive bootcamp program where I could barely get through a class.
I was 37 and unmarried when I decided to get bariatric surgery, a decision that ultimately allowed me to have a healthy pregnancy via IVF using a sperm donor.
However, after a year of living in survival mode — making unhealthy choices, and putting myself last — I fell back into old habits and gained some of the weight I had initially lost.
While I was determined to make little changes to better my health, I had to accept that extra weight, stretch marks, and a c-section scar would be part of a new me — a me I’d have to learn to love.
Although I’m still not 100% happy with the way I look, I’m finally starting to feel sexy in my skin, and I might even start dating again soon.
I asked some moms on Facebook how they feel sexy in their bodies:
“For me, it was accepting that my body had changed after growing this amazing little person and to ditch the old clothes and just go buy stuff in larger sizes that fit.” — Alice
“Confidence is a state of mind. No matter your body, you should feel confident in it. Nothing is sexier than confidence, no matter your shape or size.” — Lisa
“Nothing helped me feel confident in my body more than connecting with, accepting, challenging, and loving my body through my self-embodiment practices (yoga, meditation).” — Jessica
I wanted to share some things that have helped me learn to love my body and embrace who I am at any size:
1. How to feel sexy: Spend some time naked
I’ve started avoiding the urge to cover up immediately after hopping out of the shower. I have a massive mirror in my bathroom, and I used to find myself grabbing the towel as quickly as possible to cover my body so I wouldn’t have to face it.
Even if I’m still not 100% at peace with my body, I have so much respect for all the places this body has taken me. This body has completed three triathlons, traveled the world, and produced two whole human beings at once.
My scars and my soft belly were part of that story, which I now embrace. They’re evidence of all the things I went through to achieve motherhood.
Ladies, stop and check yourself out. Take a look and embrace all of your glorious parts — even the ones you tend to want to hide.
Advice from women on Reddit:
2. Book a boudoir photo shoot
If you want to take yourself a step further outside your comfort zone, consider booking a boudoir photo shoot. There are plenty of plus-size friendly photographers whose job it is to make you feel beautiful just as you are.
If you don’t want to spend the money or don’t feel comfortable stripping down in front of a stranger, you can set up your own little photo shoot in your bedroom with a cell phone stand and some creative lighting. Have fun with it, and be playful.
Pro-tip — most phones allow you to keep your sexy photos hidden from the rest. You can keep these photos to yourself and peek at them when you need a little reminder of just how hot you really are.
Advice from women on Reddit:
3. Vamp up your undergarments
Even if you work from home in sweats or you’re rocking spit-up as an accessory, try slipping into something a little sexy underneath.
Buying something that makes you feel hot can boost your confidence, even if you don’t have a partner.
There’s something powerful about walking into the grocery store with a messy bun and hoodie, knowing I am absolutely rocking it under the hood.
Advice from women on Reddit:
4. Try sensual meditation, mindfulness, and naked yoga
Mirrors, scales, and size charts are the worst at telling you how to feel. You are your own best advocate for loving your body as-is. What better way to hone in on self love than a great guided meditation and mindfulness exercises.
“Mindfulness is about coming back to center, and understanding what is vs. what our minds and conditioning, trauma, etc., tell us is real, or what our perceived reality is,” says Katrina Tschirhart, founder Mindful Movement Studios in Marietta, Ga.
When it comes to body acceptance, Tschirhart says mindfulness practices allow us to see ourselves through a lens of love and compassion vs. how we see ourselves as a result of social conditioning and traumas.
One of my favorite meditations is from Women’s Meditation Network1, and it focuses on healing, pleasure, and joy.
The host, Katie Krimitsos, starts the meditation by saying, “You deserve sexual pleasure, no matter your history, no matter your size, no matter what anyone else has told you.”
If you think yoga is only for thin people…think again. One of my favorite influencers, authors, and yoga instructors is Jessamyn Stanley. She’s also the author of “Every Body Yoga.”
As a self-described “fat person,” she focuses on inclusivity for all body types. Last year, she launched an OnlyFans account that offers live naked yoga classes.
In one of her videos, says:
“Practicing yoga naked is actually more freeing mentally than a lot of people think. Of course, it can naturally feel good not to be restrained by clothing, but to develop a mindset that believes your body is your home — you’ll see yourself differently.”
Learn more self care strategies, plus things to do by yourself for a fuller life.
Advice from women on Reddit:
5. Dress in an outfit that makes you feel sexy
Some women avoid dressing sexy because it feels uncomfortable. But ladies, there are so many options that feel great and are also smokin’ hot. Splurge on some fancy leggings that accentuate your rear.
Dia & Co. is one of my favorite go-to clothing brands. They also have a try-before-you-buy option for those of us who don’t have time to go to the store (or just prefer trying things on at home).
Dressing with a sense of joy can also make you feel hot. I have a swim cover up with pom poms that I adore.
It doesn’t necessarily show off a particular part of my body that I love or dislike, BUT the pom poms are to die for. They make me happy.
I spoke with Atlanta stylist Lillian Charles2, and she offered this advice for feeling good in your clothes:
- Understand and dress for the body you have now. She says articles on how to dress a curvy body may not be right for your curvy body. Figure out what’s right for your body at this stage in your life by trying on different types of clothes and researching your body shape — pear, apple, hourglass, etc.
- Choose one thing you love about the way you look right now. Build your outfit around the thing you’re most proud of. “It could be your collarbone, or your toes. It could be your new highlights,” she says. “If you’re walking your kid in a stroller and your legs are looking extra good, love on that part of yourself.”
- Look for something that pops in every outfit you wear. “So many moms wear all black, and I get that — guilty as charged. It could be a big pair of earrings or fun colorful streetwear sneakers. Get a sleek new bag instead of the tired saggy bag you’ve been carrying pre-baby.”
“Really focus on what you can do today,” Charles says. “There’s a solution for every body at every stage at every age.”
If you're looking to clear out some items you no longer work learn about selling on consignment, and read our reviews of popular online consignment sites Thredup, Poshmark, and Mercari.
Advice from women on Reddit:
6. Focus on health
While bariatric surgery allowed me to lose weight, I ultimately wanted the surgery to get healthy enough to get pregnant. Weight loss surgery is certainly not for most people, but for me, having a sleeve gastrectomy was life changing.
However, five years post-surgery with babies, life and stress, I still have to put in the work. Bariatric surgery was just a tool in my health toolbox that is part of so many other tools I use to stay healthy.
I recently invested in a Peloton as another of my healthy toolbox tools. I’ve got great legs and always have. I’ve found that focusing on a part of my body that I love has made me feel so much stronger and healthier.
What I love about the Peloton is that you can take 10-minute classes to start out, which is what I did. You’re not going to lose weight or get toned with these short workouts, but it’s a great way to kick off a healthy habit that can evolve into something that will make you feel and look healthier.
There is also an app called Future that connects you with a personal coach who will put together workouts specifically designed for you and your wellness goals/body type. Get started with a trainer today >>
One of the other tools I found most helpful was using an app — and there are plenty out there — to track my food and how the food made me feel. Am I bloated after a salty snack? Usually the answer is yes.
I’ve been using the Noom app lately, and I love it. It asked me during the setup process what my ultimate goal was, and my honest answer was to be healthy for my kids.
If you are looking to get healthy, we also recommend Nutrisystem, a meal delivery service that takes the guess work out of balanced eating. Get started today >>
Plus, read our tips on easy meal planning for moms.
Advice from women on Reddit:
6. See what makes other women feel sexy
Reddit is full of women asking for and giving advice about how to feel sexy at any size. I compiled some of their best advice:
How to feel sexy again FAQs
How to feel sexy when you’re overweight?
These are some things you can do to feel sexy when you’re overweight:
- Splurge on some sexy underthings that make you feel amazing
- Find parts of yourself you love and accentuate them with flattering clothes
- Get in touch with your body through mindful meditation
- Try dancing or another fun aerobic workout that allows you to get in touch with your sexy side
What to wear when you feel uncomfortable with your body?
If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, try to find just one part of your body you do love, and emphasize it with a piece of clothing that makes you feel great.
“Try to understand the shape you are in now, and dress for the body that you’re in now,” Charles says.
If you love your shoulders, show them off in an off-the-shoulder top. Love your feet? Wear a colorful pair of heels or sandals. Your eyes? Find a bold necklace that matches or contrasts to your eye color — orange can make blue eyes pop.
Will sexy lingerie help with body positivity?
Anything you wear that makes you feel sexy can boost body positivity. Sexy lingerie doesn’t have to show a ton of skin. If you feel more comfortable in a full-piece leotard that squeezes you in all the right places, start with that. If you feel sexiest wearing a pair of high-waisted spanks, wear that.
Take it a step further and snap some pics of yourself wearing lingerie that you love. When you’re feeling the frump, take a peek at those sexy pics as a reminder of how sexy you really are.
How can I feel attractive in my body?
Don’t berate yourself in the mirror. Focus on the parts you love and look for ways you can feel sexy and healthy. There’s a body for every age and every stage. Instagram influencer and body positivity champion Megan Jayne Crabbe challenges the idea that our bodies are problems to solve.
In her “No More Trash Talk Challenge” she posts, “Spend some time saying ‘Thank You’ to the parts of your body you’re not OK with — and try to really mean it.”
SOURCES
- “Morning Meditation for Women,” Women's Meditation Network. https://womensmeditationnetwork.com/morningpodcast/
- https://www.lilliancharles.com/
