guilty over divorce

Recently a mom emailed me:

I feel so guilty for leaving my marriage. My husband is a really, really nice guy. He is a great dad, loves me a lot, has a good career. There was nothing really wrong with our marriage. I just didn't love him any more and wanted out. 

Now, our divorce is almost finalized, and we have all been so devastated — especially our kids. Now they have to schlep back and forth between two homes, go through the pain of having divorced parents, my ex is devastated, his parents and our friends are devastated, and we are both poorer having to support two homes. Even the dog looses since she stayed with me and misses her ‘dad'!

Of course I am very sad about all of this, but I just could not be married to him any more. We are not intellectual or professional peers — I am growing a digital business I am passionate about, while he is 100% content in his middle-management corporate job with good benefits.

I stopped being sexually attracted to him years ago, even though he is still a very handsome and fit man. Instead, I find myself fantasizing about and/or flirting with men in my professional circles who are mentally stimulating to me, understand my career and creative drive and ignite in me something I think I never experienced with my husband — deep, feminine PASSION (some of these guys are fat or old or not handsome — and I still find them so, so sexy!). These are men who jibe with my own growing social circle of equally driven and creative people — people who my husband never really connected with or felt comfortable around (even though, in all his decency and devotion to me, was always kind to and made an effort for).

I don't have any commitment to any of these men, but simply feeling that way around them made me realize that by staying in my marriage. I am missing out on something I deeply crave and long to nurture. Now, on the other side of my marriage, I see that I may not ever find that kind of romantic connection that I crave, and I may be lonely. I see those I love most suffering because of this decision, and I am left feeling selfish, guilty and all-around rotten.

In short: I wanted the divorce — so why do I feel so sad?

“Remember that just because one feels guilt, doesn't mean they are guilty,” says Michelle Pargman, a Jacksonville, Fla., licensed mental health counselor. “Guilt is energy that can be used to further explore what one can do differently in the future. Grief is helpful to identify as a byproduct of divorce — whether the loss comes from the relationship itself, or the lost expectation of what was the original vision for the marriage. Once we acknowledge these feelings, we can address them — whether through individual counseling, group support, or identifying mentors, religious/spiritual leaders, or friends.”

Can't decide whether or not to leave him? Struggling with horrible guilt after filing for divorce? Consider online therapy platforms. BetterHelp has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau, and a free 7-day trial. BetterHelp prices start at $35 per week, for unlimited sessions via chat, email, phone or video sessions. Choose from thousands of licensed and certified counselors for yourself or your teen (they also have couples counseling).

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Listen to my Like a Mother episode on this topic:

I have heard many similar stories, all of which resonate on some level. I am glad I am not married to my ex, even if he is a good guy. Lots and lots of reasons, including some mentioned above by my emailer. But there are times when we are getting along, when we are chatting like old friends at the kids' T-ball game, the kids are exhausted from schlepping back and forth between our apartments, I remember all his good qualities and all the benefits of marriage, and I think:

Can't we just be adults and make it work? Can't we just agree not to fight any more? Be in one home, be practical, get over this trite, adolescent notion of forever soulful romantic love, have no expectations your husband will fulfill you and just be realistic already – FOR THE KIDS' SAKE? 

Then he will blame me for my kid tripping in the hallway of my apartment and getting a bloody boo-boo on his head, or cancel a visit with the kids last-minute because he wants to see a concert and all those cozy notions are thrown out the window quicker than a Las Vegas divorce.

Maybe it means I'm selfish. Maybe it means I can't control my anger. Maybe it means I am an indulgent adolescent artist, but I don't want to be married to my ex-husband so I am not married to my ex-husband. We were great together in many ways, but we also bring out the worst in one another — something that neither of us are committed to overcoming. Also: I just don't want to be married to him.

Also, also: That is OK.

All these feelings are totally normal, even if they are conflicting. Sit with them all, and feel them all. They are all part of the grieving and healing and celebrating process that is a breakup or divorce.

Going through a divorce now? What to ask for in negotiations, so you land on your feet

However, I see women get stuck on the divorce that they very much wanted and see the value in. Explicitly or implicitly, they feel guilty and that guilt holds them back?

“I want to divorce my husband but I feel guilty,” or “I wanted the divorce why am I sad?”

Is this you? Here is the answer:

You feel bad / guilty / ashamed because one or all of these:

  • You ended a relationship that you committed to (broke your commitment), and the reasons are likely your own happiness
  • Women are taught that our highest calling is to sacrifice for family and children. In other words, we are taught early on that our happiness is frivolous and selfish.
  • We are told from all sides that children in single-mom homes suffer and are being punished for their parents' inability to keep a marriage together. Mothers always take the blame for this nonsense.
  • Wives are instructed to be the glue in a marriage — a straying husband, or unhappy husband, or frayed marriage is pegged on her letting herself go / not being attentive enough / being a bitch and nag / not good enough.
  • You are legit grieving a relationship that once brought you great joy and comfort.
  • You are legit grieving a relationship / dream / family that you very much wanted, that was part of a dream and a plan and an assumption about what your life would be — and no longer is.
  • Even if on an unconscious level, you take on the sexist shaming of moms' sexuality. Any desire you may have to date, find romance, get laid, test the dating waters, poke around on a dating site — or be public with a man you are deeply in love with (and maybe cheated on with) — is met with a bountiful dose of society's madonna-whore complex when it comes to mothers: We are told that good mothers are virgins, and our children will shrivel in horror should they be subject to their mothers' expression of womanhood.

Again, all of this is normal. Work through your rotten feelings, and understand where they come from.

Therapy, of course, helps millions of people. Online divorce can be great for divorced and single moms, since, when compared with traditional, in-person counseling, online therapy is more affordable, convenient, and more private (you don't have to worry about running into the PTA mom or your neighbor outside the counseling center).

BetterHelp is a leader in online therapy, with costs starting at $40 per week, for unlimited sessions via chat, email, phone or video. Choose from thousands of licensed and certified counselors for yourself or your teen (they also have couples counseling). Rated A+ from the Better Business Bureau, and with a FREE 7-day trial (no coupon code). Check out BetterHelp now >>

Is guilt a reason to stay married?

Guilt is a reason to stay married, but it is not one that will inspire either of you to truly work on making the relationship a thriving, committed, connected one.

What is divorce guilt?

Divorce guilt is simply feeling bad because you chose to leave your spouse, initiate divorce, or otherwise believe your actions caused the end of your marriage.

Why do we feel guilt about divorce?

While I am here to tell you that it takes two people to make a relationship work, and both parties have a responsibility for a relationship not working out, there can be some overt actions that society tells us are very wrong and very much puts the responsibility on one spouse. These include:

  • Cheating
  • Addiction
  • Physical and emotional abuse
  • Extremely bad management of finances — including wracking up debt, overspending and inability to keep a job / refusal to work
  • No sex
  • Simply wanting to leave to live your own life

Understanding guilt before divorce and after divorce

If you feel guilty for leaving a marriage, really beating yourself up, here are a few things to consider:

  • Be honest: Is your husband really working on this relationship? Or has he passively given up, too.
  • Is he happy? Be honest.
  • Do you worry that if you leave, he will hurt himself, or otherwise be miserable? (Co-dependent alert!).
  • Do all your friends and family think this marriage is really bad for you and urge you to leave? Listen to them. We are often our own worst judges.

See where I am going here? I get that you feel bad, but our society has established it as women's jobs to keep our men happy, fed, laid and our marriages intact.

In reality, you are a woman with needs and desires and since we can now earn our own money, vote, and own land in our own damn names, marriages mainly serve as a source of emotional and sexual fulfillment. Once that is gone, there isn't a whole lot of reason to stay

How long does divorce guilt last?

Divorce guilt lasts as long as you choose to, though it does take time to get over a big breakup. A good solid year is a generous measure of time to grieve. Therapy can help.

8 reasons online therapy is great for moms (and questions to ask before signing on with a therapist)

How divorce guilt holds moms back

Where feelings of guilt related to your divorce get messy, is when you hold yourself back in implicit and explicit ways. You stay stuck. Here are common ways women's divorce guilt keep them stuck.

Divorce guilt can make divorce more expensive and painful

If you are just starting out on your divorce journey, regret or guilt can manifest in all kinds of toxic ways that make the divorce process that much more painful for all parties involved — including hiring litigious attorneys, play dirty and cost everyone money and heartache.

If this touches a nerve, take a deep breath. Ask your higher power for grace, kindness, and forgiveness — of him, and yourself. Seek out the lowest-conflict divorce you can. This might mean working with a mediator or filing yourself for divorce online. You may need to hire a professional to make sure the filing is complete, and everyone's interests are represented, but starting off on your new co-parenting journey with the least amount of drama, and spending the least amount of money, will pay off in so many ways.

There are many quality online divorce companies that will help you accomplish an uncontested, low-conflict divorce for modest fees. CompleteCase will provide all of the required filing papers, as well as detailed instructions for how to file in your state, for a flat fee of $299 — including secure cloud storage of these documents. Check out CompleteCase now>>

Divorce guilt can hurt your co-parenting relationship

No matter how you feel about your ex, or your marriage, or the end of that relationship, if you have kids together, here are the facts:

He will be in your life forever.

The sooner you figure out how to co-parent amicably, the better. Read these rules for successful co-parenting — no matter how toxic your ex.

You may find that he is a better dad post-divorce, and now that you don't fight with him any more, and have the kids half the time, you are a better mom.

You might like him again (it has happened).

One of the first co-parenting apps, and widely used app, OurFamilyWizard, which features chat, information storage (like pediatrician and teacher contact info, prescriptions, etc.), and financial record-keeping. 30-day free trial,  discounts for military families, and a program to provide OurFamilyWizard free to low-income families. Each parent can add unlimited numbers of other people for free, including children, grandparents, step and bonus parents, as well as attorneys.

Try OurFamilyWizard for free for 30 days now >>

Read OurFamilyWizard review on >>

Divorce guilt keeps you from dating and finding love (and fun!)

PSA: Moms are women. Women are sexual, mature adults who need companionship, sex, and romance. Maybe you simply are not ready to date yet, and that is ok.

But are you not dating because of guilt? Do you feel like you don't deserve to be in love?

Do you feel weird to have a sex life with someone who is not your kids' dad?

Do your friends and family lay on the guilt about taking time away from the kids to date? Or worse — do they pressure you to hurry up and get married again while you are still young — and create a “real” family again for the sake of the kids?

Maybe you are dating, or even have a partner — but hide this part of yourself from your kids, shrouding that whole, very important part of yourself in shame — which I promise you: your kids pick up on this whether you think they do or not.

Here is what you will do:

  1. Poke around a online dating site. I'm also a fan of matchmaking services, especially for busy moms. For serious, long-term relationships, eHarmony stands out, with its deep personality profile (free), verified profiles, video dating, and 100% members focused on committed partnerships. Get started with eHarmony's 3-month free guarantee >>
  2. Get laid. Post-divorce sex is often mind-blowing. This is my experience, as well as that of thousands of women I have connected with. Dating apps are great for this. Or wink at that cute guy in your building — or ask a local mom for a referral. Friends with benefits may be a good fit for you. You can try it all out! Trust me: good sex is not hard to find.
  3. Therapy can help. Learn about all the top online therapy sites, which comes with all the same benefits of regular therapy, but for a fraction of the price, and with the convenience of text, email, phone or video connection).
  4. Hang out with the right people. Maybe spend time with the funny gay guys at the gym, or join my closed Facebook group Millionaire Single Moms, where single mothers chat openly about all kinds of sexy things without an ounce of shame (the threads on anal sex always leave my jaw dropped), while also supporting moms struggling through guild and shame.

5 friends every single mom needs — and where to find them

Divorce guilt means you hold on to a house you can't afford

Women can be weird about real estate, and there is a good reason why. We are conditioned to be the matron of the home, positioned to be responsible for creating a cozy home in which memories are created and stored for generations.

That is beautiful and possible for some people.

More likely, a house is a money pit that becomes a big-ass mistake in a divorce.

Ask any divorce attorney: Women fight tooth-and-nail to keep homes they cannot afford when they divorce.

A house is likely your biggest financial asset, and should be treated as such. When you divorce, and if you owned a home with your husband or partner, any equity in the home is likely communal property, and is to be split 50/50, typically with a sale. I'm a fan of HomeBay, a site that easily helps you sell your home for a tiny fraction of the typical 6% broker fee.

Instead, I see moms holding on to properties they can't afford in the name of:

  • Shielding their children from the stress of moving house (fact: research finds that financial stress / poverty is the #1 biggest risk factor in divorce)
  • Maintaining a lifestyle she believes she is entitled to / the couple sought while married (fact: you're not married to him! You need a new dream now!)

My advice in 95% of these situations: Take that money run!


  1. If you can't easily afford the house, you have no business being in it. You are now 100% responsible for your lifestyle and financial security. This is an incredible opportunity to set big goals and find success that you could not previously imagine. That is really hard if you struggle to pay a mortgage, taxes and utilities on your house.
  2. Cut ties to that old life. No matter your feelings about your relationship, and the end of it, it is imperative to accept that that relationship is over, and you owe it to yourself and your children to live in reality, and move forward to a new, hopefully more fulfilling life. New scenery is in order.

This article will help you decide whether to keep the house, or sell.

Divorce guilt means you hold on to keepsakes you don't use

Legally, anything considered a gift in marriage is the property of the gifted — including any jewelry. I hear so many women who are really broke, or otherwise struggling to move on from divorce, also holding on to household items, furniture, an engagement ring or other things they do no use or enjoy for the sake of posterity.

My general rule: If you are not using it, it does not bring you joy, or otherwise serves as a dark reminder of unhappy times — get rid of it. And no: Your kids do not want your engagement ring. It represents a failed marriage, and likely heartache for them. They don't want that shit!

Here is how to make money via feng shui and declutter every room in your house, and my own experience with selling my engagement ring for the most money.

What do you do with this extra, guilt-free cash? Invest in making your life better!

How do you cope and get over guilt of divorce?

The best revenge is living your best life — and sometimes you need to take revenge on yourself.

What I mean is this: Today you feel all kinds of shame and guilt for wanting to leave your relationship. Fast-forward to next year and your life is incredible: You are in shape, feel great, dating a great guy (or dating a lot of guys), thriving in your career, your finances are shaping up and your kids are doing AMAZING.

All your fear and guilt around your divorce now have to contend with the facts. The fact is that you and your family are better since you divorced.

Stop arguing with yourself!

I have been divorced for close to 10 years now. Holy shit is my life a thousand times better than when I was married. I shudder at what my life would have looked like had we stayed together.

I want to explore my sexuality in a way that is impossible with him — and oh yeah I did.

I want to be with people who support my huge professional ambition and creative pursuits without competing — again, impossible with him.

I want to be with a man who easily forgives and easily laughs, and easily picks up his dirty fucking clothes and just puts them in the hamper. Score!

I am thriving professionally in a way that I was impossible for me in that partnership. I am creatively free and fulfilled, which could not have happened in that marriage.

I just don't want to be married to him. End of story. I don't have to explain myself to anyone — including me!

The end of that relationship was painful for so many people. And being divorced is hard for him, me and my kids in lots of practical ways.

But the net result for all involved is positive. I am thriving and my very best self now — and I, my kids and those in my orbit benefit. Is that selfish? Adolescent? A mentality of post-feminist, navel-gazing Gen X/Y/millennials?


I don't fucking care.

I am glad for it.

And I free you to be glad for it, too.

Not quite there yet? Do these things now:

  1. Consider therapy with a company like BetterHelp. Read: BetterHelp online therapy review
  2. Focus on your own self-care.
  3. Hang out with people who get it, get you, and see happiness in you when you don't have the courage to see it yourself. Again: Millionaire Single Moms on Facebook.
  4. Decide that tomorrow you will wake up, the guilt will be less than the day before, and that it may take a long time for it to be 100% gone. That's cool.
  5. Find success stories about other thriving single moms. I have a bunch in my book, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin).
  6. Pay attention to how you identify yourself. You know those women who have been divorced for 30 years, and in the first 2 minutes of meeting someone new they unload that their husband left them for another woman / abused her / was living a double life / etc.? Don't be that woman. She has one identity: A victim of divorce. You are not her. You are an adult with full control of who you are and your happiness. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise: YOUR HAPPINESS IS CRITICAL.

About Emma Johnson founder  Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist and author. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Emma's Top Single Mom Resources.


  1. Matt on July 2, 2020 at 11:15 pm

    Women want a good man. They find a good man. Then they cheat on a good man. Why? Because he gave them the house and kids. Now they divorce the good man and fight tooth and nail for the house.

  2. Eric on June 17, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    Very interesting article. My wife of 7 years (we have a 4 year old son) just told me that she wants to separate, because she is finally earning good money, and wants to live an easy and carefree life (she wants a motorcycle, sea doo and Jeep, but we cant afford all of these at the same time, but I would work towards getting them for her together ). I fit perfectly into the mold of this article’s type of husband, as my wife has told me too (saying I’m a wonderful husband, father, make great money, dont drink, do drugs, faithful, responsible and love both my son and wife to death). Needless to say, this article is exactly bang on to what I am currently going through. I just keep wondering why my wife wants to leave, if I am all of the things above? This article explains quite clearly where my wife’s head is at. It seems that she wants a life that she feels she can’t have while being married to myself.

  3. Ctct on May 19, 2020 at 9:35 am

    So much drama. Everybody knows how it feels to feels dead on the inside, haha. That’s how life is a lot of the time. It’s a struggle, interspersed with fleeting moments of excitement and titillation. So if the nature of life will end up being something you blame on a partner or being in a long relationship, it will definitely be a good idea to stay out of them.

  4. NET1 on March 8, 2020 at 3:41 am

    Funny, if someone did that to you or a bf does that to you, you will make a post complaining about how guys are crap.

    • Steve on May 17, 2020 at 7:30 pm

      You need serious help the person who wrote this article my god how can you advice people to destroy families so they can be happy meanwhile the husband will end up either doing hard drugs or dead. You think That’s “normal”? Hahahah
      If you want to be single and free that’s great and perfectly fine but when you make a family and make a commitment then you can’t go back on that don’t you understand you are effecting other people now (kids/husband) but all you care abo it is “yourself”. May god forgive you for what you did to your husband.

  5. Bethanie on January 16, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    I don’t understand all the hateful comments. Why is it such a horrible thing to take care of your own well-being when your husband isn’t? My husband is a nice guy and he tries his hardest, as do I, at making this work. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. Sometimes you would rather be dead than to feel the way you do about your marriage and/or spouse and you have a constant battle in your head on a daily basis because you don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s pain. EVER! So I should I go ahead and off myself because he doesn’t want a divorce, but having a conversation with him is maddening?

  6. Manymen on January 15, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    My best friends wife left him a few years ago.

    She got the house, new car and kids, he got the 97 fiesta which he sleeps in while paying for the house. Her new Boyfriend enjoys the nice house he spent ten years remodeling.

    A few months ago she sold the house (his grandparents farmhouse) took the kids to Michigan.

    They found him dead in his car last week, hose connected to the exhaust.

    I broke up with my GF after this, I want nothing to do with women anymore, I can’t even look at them .

  7. Nope nope on January 12, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    This is horrifying. Are all women this disgustingly selfish? You ruined a good man’s life because you don’t get the tingles anymore! How is that anything but evil? This kind of horror story is why men are afraid to marry. There’s nothing in it for them besides a HUGE gamble with nothing to win and everything to lose. Never trust women, gentlemen. They all have the potential to destroy your life like this monster. It’s best just to stay way from them commitment wise, have your fun and toss them out when you’re done. Don’t hire, vote for, or mentor them either. They’re out for themselves and have no concern at all for you and your wellbeing.

  8. Carl M. on January 12, 2020 at 10:29 am

    Wow. There was/is so much to unpack here. Emma is correct on a number of things but here are some where she is horribly wrong.
    1. Society blames men more for the break up. He could not satisfy her in whatever way she needed it. A woman can get some shame only if she flaunts her infidelity.
    2. Don’t stop arguing with yourself. At least not for awhile. Not “arguing” with yourself means you quit thinking.
    3. You are being selfish. You SHOULD feel guilty. Marriage and families are not way points in life. Both parents make sacrifices. Families are a team effort. When the kids are grown then both or either parent can take more time for themselves.
    4. Children in single mother homes fair far worse than a two parent home. Yes, work it out until the kids are adults.
    5. Women fight tooth and nail to hang on to a house and lifestyle during a divorce because they know he will be forced to pay for it by the court.
    6. The stories presented here are text book examples of hypergamy and misandry. Emma conveniently ignores this.

    • Camille on June 3, 2020 at 12:02 am

      Clearly someone that does not understand that it is possible for a woman to be the bread winner in a family. The existing home may be the largest expense that the mother can handle on her own self-generated income; so why on earth is it appropriate for you or anyone else to judge that decision. Get a life, all of you. One person’s decision does not affect you. Women and men alike are afforded the right to choose their paths. I personally, would rather know that my spouse was married to me because he wanted to be or know that he left me honestly because he didn’t, rather than live an unhealthy lie for both my children and me. I read this article because I wanted to understand another perspective—not to judge it.

  9. jlnelson1982 on January 12, 2020 at 9:15 am

    Brothers, this is 100% of women. You will never be enough for her. She will expect you to sacrifice everything to make the family work, even if you aren’t in love anymore… but the second she loses interest, its over.
    Apparently even a Prince isn’t enough for a modern woman if you’re following UK news.

  10. Why do I feel Guilty on September 16, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Why do I feel so guilty for wanting to leave my husband? Like a lot of the other people, I am going through a similar situation. My husband and I have been married for five years and together for seven. We also have two amazing kids together. SO, here is my issue. I noticed my husband looking at a website that had all naked girls and stuff like that. I said something to him about it and he dismissed me. I started noticing he never appreciated anything I did anymore, I could never do anything right and when we argued he would call names (Bitch, Cunt, Retarded, Idoit, ETC.) He never complimented me anymore, it was I always need to lose this or tone that. I was about to leave him and then I let him talk me into staying he promised he would change, and he would get better. Things did change for a little while and we got married during this time. When I found out I was pregnant, my husband started pushing my other kid from a previous marriage aside, like he didn’t matter anymore. He would never carry on a conversation with him or do anything with him as he used to and when he would say something, he was yelling at him to do his chores. Anytime he had something to say he would just yell it and get so frustrated with my son. My husband when we first met would always say he was our son and not just mine which also changed to him calling him just my son. So, of course, we would argue and fight over this but not just that, him not appreciating me or not wanting to have sex, him putting my feelings down like they do not matter. One day he gave me his phone while he was doing something, and a bunch of porn sites popped up. I got very upset and told him how I felt it was disrespectful and how much I disapproved of that and how it hurt my feelings he swore he wouldn’t do it again. I believed him. Another year passes we are still having the same arguments about my feelings, him disrespecting me and how he treats my son. Nothing is changing. He blames it on his job and him being so stressed. We relocate he changed jobs and I end up getting pregnant again, and while I am 8 months Prego I find a message on his phone from an Instagram account I didn’t even know he had. He is once again looking up other women who are half-naked but this time he is looking up women who are bigger than me but he is still telling me I need to lose weight and tone this or that and I should wear this or that or complaining that I never get my nails or hair done anymore. Me being Prego I stayed. Another year passes and we are still having the same arguments over and over. I Still to this day I find little stuff on his phone where he has looked up this person topless or he has gone to this porn site. He says I am being ridiculous and immature, and he doesn’t understand why it bothers me so much. He has also said he has talked to all his buddies and all of them who have step kids treat them the way he treats my son. This has all happened over the last four years and the last four years we have been having the same arguments over and over. SO, I finally told him I was done that I couldn’t do this anymore, he talked me into going to counseling we have been going, I am still going, but I honestly feel it’s too late. I feel he let too much time go by before he really wanted to start trying to work on it. And he really is trying I can see it but there are still the name-calling every once in a while and the attitude for no reason. I love him, but I am not in love with him. Not to mention I have still found some type of porn, topless women or something on his phone, he selectively deletes stuff which tells me he’s hiding things. I want a divorce I haven’t told him yet, but I want to know why I feel so guilty and am I wrong for wanting a divorce.

  11. Bob on July 22, 2019 at 3:41 am

    In short, women get bored with being married to the same guy over a long period of time, as they approach their 30’s and 40’s their sex drives are ramping up and they decide that having a family and husband is highly inconvenient right now when all they want to do is shag a few football teams worth of men so they throw their marriage away for the opportunity to shag some different people and who gives a toss about the collateral damage as long as they are ok and getting what they want.

    • Barrington V on January 12, 2020 at 1:58 am

      Hard to argue with any of that

    • LJHova on January 12, 2020 at 8:18 am

      “I wanted the divorce — so why do I feel so sad?”

      My guess is that it comes down to the understanding that everyone else did everything right and she still wasn’t satisfied. She won’t admit it, but her subconscious knows she won’t EVER be happy and that is the real source of her displeasure. We can’t chalk it up to her concerns for others because she demonstrated she has none. All that is left is her concern for self. Years from now, after a number of failed relationships, she’ll be demanding to know where all of the good men are, forgetting that she abused them in her younger years because no one was ever good enough for her and she had no concept of contentment.

  12. Do you feel guilty for divorcing a nice guy? | The Next Chapter on May 24, 2019 at 4:46 pm

    […] post Do you feel guilty for divorcing a nice guy? appeared first on Emma […]

  13. Igot10girlgriendfrendsnow on May 7, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    Mom left my dad I hate her for it I lost all respect for her when I was 9 and til this day she’s been 12 different relationships “looking for love” my father are-married after 2 years.

    My wife of 10 years just now tells me she’s slept with different men our first 2 years together while we dated. I want to divorce her soooo bad but we have 4 kids and a house she’ll get everything and I’ll rather burn everything to the ground befor I let that happen. I fell in love with another women who is deeply in love with me but I plan to use her for sex only ‘I won’t marry again.

    I was Faithful for 10 years worked 2 jobs paid her school books and school fees bought her a new car and paid for her apartment only to find out she’s been getting smashed in on of her holes all I see is beat up P***y. 1st thought use to be I miss her today, now it’s “eww disgusting nasty B***h.

    I would have given her a second chance but she lied the entire way, took her a long time to finally give me the truth. And one of guys she was in love with posted a video of her getting banged up on a porn site, a close next door neighbor bumped into the video and told me about it she still lied for years even after actual video proof I trusted her and didn’t believe she was such a terrible person I thought she loved me too much, we hold hands we kiss we laugh and talk every day… but she admitted it she claimed she suppressed it that’s why she Didn’t believe it was her.

    So F**k that B***h I’m screwing different women left and right and right and left now. I’ll say I love them I want them I need them etc then I disappear faster then a New York minute.

    I confuse her on purpose too I’ll fight for our marriage then hurt her over and over then do it all over again. She lied to me for 10 years I’ll string her along for 10 years.

  14. JoAnn Smykalski Christensen on April 6, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    My husband left because he got excited by some other woman and decided he could not love me anymore. It is similar to what this woman felt with her coworkers. I have to say she crazy for leaving a good man. You can get the passion back but you don’t want to get it back. You are tapped out. Your next marriage you will reach a point where you are tapped out and have to seek more thrill and leave that husband. My therapist said these types are incapable of deep relationships. They keep moving on to the next thrill.

    • James on January 31, 2020 at 1:36 pm

      ding ding ding! This is spot on. These types of women(or men too) aren’t capable of deep meaning relationships. Many of them are probably on the spectrum of personality disorders. My wife for example diagnosed with a cluster B type personality disorder is never happy or satisfied with anything. Constantly changing expectations, nothing can be her fault, she’s bored easily. I’m pretty sure I’m just a means to get what she wanted. Married, kids, a house. Now she got what she wanted needed to increase what she expects and demands, routinely threatens divorce. Have been to counseling etc.

      The whole system is set up to victimize women and accuse men of being the perpetrator of anything negative. In my opinion a man that is a perpetrator of getting bored, being selfish, etc gets what he rightfully deserves, fighting for the rights to his kids, pays support, loses his home. After all a spouse that gets the other souse to fully invest and probably was never invested then decides to pull the plug should be left to pick up the pieces. But a woman gets rewarded for being selfish like these men while the good men endure the consequences of decisions they had no say in. Of course it’s easy to leave when you’re going to get to keep almost everything get support etc.

      I read the comments here and realize some of them outright say that idk that I was ever in love, that they’re suicidal and so on. These are issues that most people would’ve been aware of before they were married. Why get someone to commit set you up on a good path, use them as stepping stones for some of your accomplishments then pull the plug. Basically you have no conscience, again this is exactly what Narcissists, antisocials and other related personality disordered people do. They’re not capable of love, get bored, act out of self interest.

      Personally a lot of society won’t agree with me but if you’re going to walk away, you should walk away. There’s no reason that someone that walks away thinks they should stay forcing the other to take a hike and lose out that’s ridiculous.

      These people will move on use up their next partner til they’re bored and just withdraw or keep a pattern of leaving good people. All this I want to leave for no reason is really a sign of immaturity and I feel sorry for your current partners and your next whoever they may be.

      I’d like to see a post a post about men just leaving their wives because they were bored, have other sexual opportunities, didn’t get enough notches in their belt before marriage. They’ll be labeled as jerks, dogs, pigs you name it. Not sure what the female equivalent of all that is but ya that’s what these woman are the female equivalent of these men. It’s really a shame that the male and female equivalents of these two don’t end up together and drag each other down vs destroying their partners, kids and many others all in the name of “doing me”.

  15. J on January 31, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Did you ever stop to consider the fact that romantic partnerships all follow more or less the same trajectory? There are various names for each stage, but generally speaking: 1. Romance 2. Disillusionment 3. Misery and 4. Awakening. It really doesn’t matter who you’re with, you’ll eventually reach the latter stages if you stick with someone long enough, because we’re all humans and we have flaws and quirks. I’m not speaking to abuse, infidelity or other extreme situations, but rather the ebb and flow of any partnership. You can stay in stage 1, and leave when things progress to 2 or 3, but I think that says more about you than it does about your partner/s? Marriage does become work after a while, but you cycle back and forth, and you can get back to stage 1 if both partners invest in it. But ultimately, the grass is greener where you water it.

    It sounds like you’re just not into marriage based on your own words. If that’s the case, then that’s fine. By all means, do you. But there’s no point in getting married if you aren’t 100% committed to it being forever, with the obvious exceptions of abuse, infidelity, etc. etc. That’s the whole point of marriage.

  16. Magic on July 28, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    Sounds like most of you used your husband as a sperm donor. Wanted committment, got it, got the baby, now want out. And it is easier to leave a marriage knowing most mothers get the kid. Most likely why women initiate 73% of divorces. Good luck to you all!

  17. M on July 9, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    Thank you so much for this article. I married my husband in 2011, and even then I had a voice in my head saying something wasn’t right. I married him because he’s the most selfless, wonderful man I’ve ever met. Truly he is. But I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with him. Before I met him I fell in love with my best friend and the heartbreak from that relationship ending just about destroyed me. I convinced myself that the only men I feel a spark for are unavailable, emotionally or otherwise, and the challenge associated with those kinds of men. When I met my husband he was so nice to me, and really the first man I let take care of me. I wish I was passionate about him. I hate that I’m not, but pretending isn’t fair. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and he is the best father in the world. Most of the time I think I just need to suck it up for her. That’s the commitment you make when you have kids right? I’ve recently fallen in love with a man at work and while we haven’t cheated we talk about it. A part of me thinks he’s proof of my pattern – that I’m only into unavailable men and the challenge they provide, but the way I feel around this man, our connection, the thought of growing old with him and taking care of each other, of having another child with him are all so appealing. I lost my mom to cancer at 61 years old in August and losing a parent slaps you in the face with thoughts about your own mortality. Life is so very short. I want passion, sex, love, laughter, chemistry, intimacy. I’m just so scared I’ll regret leaving such a wonderful man.

    • J on January 31, 2019 at 1:11 am

      “I’ve recently fallen in love with a man at work and while we haven’t cheated we talk about it. A part of me thinks he’s proof of my pattern – that I’m only into unavailable men and the challenge they provide, but the way I feel around this man, our connection, the thought of growing old with him and taking care of each other, of having another child with him are all so appealing … Life is so very short. I want passion, sex, love, laughter, chemistry, intimacy. I’m just so scared I’ll regret leaving such a wonderful man.”

      Willing to bet a significant amount of money that you’d end up ultimately leaving that man at work, too. Passion, sparks, chemistry — those are igniters to a relationship, but they can’t sustain one because they never last. Also, “falling in love with a man at work” is really suspect. I doubt you really know him? You’re in love with the way he makes you feel, but you don’t really know him, so I wouldn’t trust that. It doesn’t mean you should stay with someone you don’t love, but nonetheless, I’d think hard about what “love” actually is, because it isn’t sparks, fireworks and all that — that’s what movies try to sell. Love is lot deeper than that. You’re describing infatuation more than you are love imo.

    • Dale on December 27, 2019 at 7:02 pm

      This has been a while, but I hope you didn’t make the mistake of leaving. The problem is inside you, you need peace. You have it, you have your perfect partner and family, you’re just numb to it.

      • Al on January 10, 2020 at 5:22 am

        You should have never married.

        Its not ok. Your not GOD and stop pretending you are.

        Feminism Does Not Exist In Scripture.

        Your just another Attention whore

        • kadee on February 14, 2020 at 1:40 pm

          Al – first of all “You’re”.

          Wow – judge much?

          Who are you to tell anyone anything. You know nothing. You aren’t in her situation. Men do it all the time but dear-sweet-jesus – a woman feels that way and she’s a whore? She is allowed to feel that way. People outgrow each other all the time. Needs and goals change. And sometimes, what changes is who our support system is and who we were married to (or are married to). She is doing both herself and him a favor – allowing him to find someone who appreciates him for who he is and she needs to find who fulfills her. Does it suck? YUP. It isn’t ideal. But resentment and not connecting in a broken marriage be successful. Both deserve to be happy.

          Why are you on this site if you aren’t supportive or seeking answers? Looks like a loooooot of bitter men here. It isn’t that men will never be good enough. That is an unfair blanket statement. Sometimes the status quo isn’t enough. We are all wired differently and need more to keep us going.

          And women – shame for judging someone doing what she needs to do to be happy and healthy. You may not approve but how dare you judge.

          And if you don’t approve – what do you accomplish by berating her? NOTHING. SHAME on you for doing so. Everyone is hurting and you just put more of it out there. Reflect on your life and see how perfect you are. And let us know how that goes……

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