Do you feel guilty for divorcing a nice guy?

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Recently a mom emailed me:

“I want to divorce my husband but I feel guilty.”

I feel so guilty for leaving my marriage. My husband is a really, really nice guy. He is a great dad, loves me a lot, has a good career. There was nothing really wrong with our marriage. I just didn’t love him any more and wanted out. 

Now, our divorce is almost finalized, and we have all been so devastated — especially our kids. Now they have to schlep back and forth between two homes, go through the pain of having divorced parents, my ex is devastated, his parents and our friends are devastated, and we are both poorer having to support two homes. Even the dog looses since she stayed with me and misses her ‘dad’!

Of course I am very sad about all of this, but I just could not be married to him any more. We are not intellectual or professional peers — I am growing a digital business I am passionate about, while he is 100% content in his middle-management corporate job with good benefits.

I stopped being sexually attracted to him years ago, even though he is still a very handsome and fit man. Instead, I find myself fantasizing about and/or flirting with men in my professional circles who are mentally stimulating to me, understand my career and creative drive and ignite in me something I think I never experienced with my husband — deep, feminine PASSION (some of these guys are fat or old or not handsome — and I still find them so, so sexy!). These are men who jibe with my own growing social circle of equally driven and creative people — people who my husband never really connected with or felt comfortable around (even though, in all his decency and devotion to me, was always kind to and made an effort for).

I don’t have any commitment to any of these men, but simply feeling that way around them made me realize that by staying in my marriage. I am missing out on something I deeply crave and long to nurture. Now, on the other side of my marriage, I see that I may not ever find that kind of romantic connection that I crave, and I may be lonely. I see those I love most suffering because of this decision, and I am left feeling selfish, guilty and all-around rotten.

In short: I wanted the divorce — so why do I feel so sad?

“Remember that just because one feels guilt, doesn’t mean they are guilty,” says Michelle Pargman, a Jacksonville, Fla., licensed mental health counselor. “Guilt is energy that can be used to further explore what one can do differently in the future. Grief is helpful to identify as a byproduct of divorce — whether the loss comes from the relationship itself, or the lost expectation of what was the original vision for the marriage. Once we acknowledge these feelings, we can address them — whether through individual counseling, group support, or identifying mentors, religious/spiritual leaders, or friends.”

Can’t decide whether or not to leave him? How to decide whether or not to get divorced — pros, cons and how to tell your wife or husband you want a divorce.

Struggling with horrible guilt after filing for divorce? Consider finding a therapist online using a therapy platform like BetterHelp. Read our BetterHelp review, or, learn more about the top online therapy sites for 2021.

Listen to my Like a Mother episode on this topic:

I have heard many similar stories, all of which resonate on some level. I am glad I am not married to my ex, even if he is a good guy. Lots and lots of reasons, including some mentioned above by my emailer. But there are times when we are getting along, when we are chatting like old friends at the kids’ T-ball game, the kids are exhausted from schlepping back and forth between our apartments, I remember all his good qualities and all the benefits of marriage, and I think:

Can’t we just be adults and make it work? Can’t we just agree not to fight any more? Be in one home, be practical, get over this trite, adolescent notion of forever soulful romantic love, have no expectations your husband will fulfill you and just be realistic already – FOR THE KIDS’ SAKE? 

Then he will blame me for my kid tripping in the hallway of my apartment and getting a bloody boo-boo on his head, or cancel a visit with the kids last-minute because he wants to see a concert and all those cozy notions are thrown out the window quicker than a Las Vegas divorce.

Maybe it means I’m selfish. Maybe it means I can’t control my anger. Maybe it means I am an indulgent adolescent artist, but I don’t want to be married to my ex-husband so I am not married to my ex-husband. We were great together in many ways, but we also bring out the worst in one another — something that neither of us are committed to overcoming. Also: I just don’t want to be married to him.

Also, also: That is OK.

All these feelings are totally normal, even if they are conflicting. Sit with them all, and feel them all. They are all part of the grieving and healing and celebrating process that is a breakup or divorce.

Going through a divorce now? What to ask for in negotiations, so you land on your feet

However, I see women get stuck on the divorce that they very much wanted and see the value in. Explicitly or implicitly, they feel guilty and that guilt holds them back?

What is divorce guilt?

Divorce guilt is simply feeling bad because you chose to leave your spouse, initiate divorce, or otherwise believe your actions caused the end of your marriage.

Why do we feel guilt about divorce?

While I am here to tell you that it takes two people to make a relationship work, and both parties have a responsibility for a relationship not working out, there can be some overt actions that society tells us are very wrong and very much puts the responsibility on one spouse. These include:

  • Cheating
  • Addiction
  • Physical and emotional abuse
  • Extremely bad management of finances — including wracking up debt, overspending and inability to keep a job / refusal to work
  • No sex
  • Simply wanting to leave to live your own life

Understanding guilt before divorce and after divorce

If you feel guilty for leaving a marriage, really beating yourself up, here are a few things to consider:

  • Be honest: Is your husband really working on this relationship? Or has he passively given up, too.
  • Is he happy? Be honest.
  • Do you worry that if you leave, he will hurt himself, or otherwise be miserable? (Co-dependent alert!).
  • Do all your friends and family think this marriage is really bad for you and urge you to leave? Listen to them. We are often our own worst judges.

See where I am going here? I get that you feel bad, but our society has established it as women’s jobs to keep our men happy, fed, laid and our marriages intact.

In reality, you are a woman with needs and desires and since we can now earn our own money, vote, and own land in our own damn names, marriages mainly serve as a source of emotional and sexual fulfillment. Once that is gone, there isn’t a whole lot of reason to stay

How long does divorce guilt last?

Divorce guilt lasts as long as you choose to, though it does take time to get over a big breakup. A good solid year is a generous measure of time to grieve. Therapy can help.

“I want to divorce my husband but I feel sorry for him.”

Is this you? Here is the answer:

You feel bad / guilty / ashamed because one or all of these:

  • You ended a relationship that you committed to (broke your commitment), and the reasons are likely your own happiness
  • Women are taught that our highest calling is to sacrifice for family and children. In other words, we are taught early on that our happiness is frivolous and selfish.
  • We are told from all sides that children in single-mom homes suffer and are being punished for their parents’ inability to keep an unhappy marriage together. Mothers always take the blame for this nonsense.
  • Wives are instructed to be the glue in a marriage — a straying husband, or unhappy husband, or frayed marriage is pegged on her letting herself go / not being attentive enough / being a bitch and nag / not good enough.
  • You are legit grieving a relationship that once brought you great joy and comfort.
  • You are legit grieving a relationship / dream / family that you very much wanted, that was part of a dream and a plan and an assumption about what your life would be — and no longer is.
  • Even if on an unconscious level, you take on the sexist shaming of moms’ sexuality. Any desire you may have to date, find romance, get laid, test the dating waters, poke around on a dating site — or be public with a man you are deeply in love with (and maybe cheated on with) — is met with a bountiful dose of society’s madonna-whore complex when it comes to mothers: We are told that good mothers are virgins, and our children will shrivel in horror should they be subject to their mothers’ expression of womanhood.

Again, all of this is normal. Work through your rotten feelings, and understand where they come from.

Therapy, of course, helps millions of people. Online divorce can be great for divorced and single moms, since, when compared with traditional, in-person counseling, online therapy is more affordable, convenient, and more private (you don’t have to worry about running into the PTA mom or your neighbor outside the counseling center).

Is guilt a reason to stay married?

Guilt is a reason to stay married, but it is not one that will inspire either of you to truly work on making the relationship a thriving, committed, connected one.

How divorce guilt holds moms back

Where feelings of guilt related to your divorce get messy, is when you hold yourself back in implicit and explicit ways. You stay stuck. Here are common ways women’s divorce guilt keep them stuck.

Divorce guilt can make divorce more expensive and painful

If you are just starting out on your divorce journey, regret or guilt can manifest in all kinds of toxic ways that make the divorce process that much more painful for all parties involved — including hiring litigious attorneys, play dirty and cost everyone money and heartache.

If this touches a nerve, take a deep breath. Ask your higher power for grace, kindness, and forgiveness — of him, and yourself. Seek out the lowest-conflict divorce you can. This might mean working with a mediator or filing yourself for divorce online. You may need to hire a professional to make sure the filing is complete, and everyone’s interests are represented, but starting off on your new co-parenting journey with the least amount of drama, and spending the least amount of money, will pay off in so many ways.

There are many quality online divorce companies that will help you accomplish an uncontested, low-conflict divorce for modest fees. Here is our list and reviews of the top DIY online divorce companies.

Divorce guilt can hurt your co-parenting relationship

No matter how you feel about your ex, or your marriage, or the end of that relationship, if you have kids together, here are the facts:

He will be in your life forever.

The sooner you figure out how to co-parent amicably, the better. Read these rules for successful co-parenting — no matter how toxic your ex.

You may find that he is a better dad post-divorce, and now that you don’t fight with him any more, and have the kids half the time, you are a better mom.

You might like him again (it has happened).

One of the first co-parenting apps, and widely used app, OurFamilyWizard, which features chat, information storage (like pediatrician and teacher contact info, prescriptions, etc.), and financial record-keeping. 30-day free trial, discounts for military families, and a program to provide OurFamilyWizard free to low-income families. Each parent can add unlimited numbers of other people for free, including children, grandparents, step and bonus parents, as well as attorneys.

Divorce guilt keeps you from dating and finding love (and fun!)

PSA: Moms are women. Women are sexual, mature adults who need companionship, sex, and romance. Maybe you simply are not ready to date yet, and that is ok.

But are you not dating because of guilt? Do you feel like you don’t deserve to be in love?

Do you feel weird to have a sex life with someone who is not your kids’ dad?

Do your friends and family lay on the guilt about taking time away from the kids to date? Or worse — do they pressure you to hurry up and get married again while you are still young — and create a “real” family again for the sake of the kids?

Maybe you are dating, or even have a partner — but hide this part of yourself from your kids, shrouding that whole, very important part of yourself in shame — which I promise you: your kids pick up on this whether you think they do or not.

Here is what you will do:

  1. Poke around a online dating site. I’m also a fan of matchmaking services, especially for busy moms. For serious, long-term relationships, eHarmony stands out, with its deep personality profile (free), verified profiles, video dating, and 100% members focused on committed partnerships.
  2. Get laid. Post-divorce sex is often mind-blowing. This is my experience, as well as that of thousands of women I have connected with. Dating apps are great for this. Or wink at that cute guy in your building — or ask a local mom for a referral. Friends with benefits may be a good fit for you. You can try it all out! Trust me: good sex is not hard to find.
  3. Therapy can help. Learn about all the top online therapy sites, which comes with all the same benefits of regular therapy, but for a fraction of the price, and with the convenience of text, email, phone or video connection).
  4. Hang out with the right people. Maybe spend time with the funny gay guys at the gym, or join my closed Facebook group Millionaire Single Moms, where single mothers chat openly about all kinds of sexy things without an ounce of shame (the threads on anal sex always leave my jaw dropped), while also supporting moms struggling through guild and shame.

Divorce guilt means you hold on to a house you can’t afford

Women can be weird about real estate, and there is a good reason why. We are conditioned to be the matron of the home, positioned to be responsible for creating a cozy home in which memories are created and stored for generations.

That is beautiful and possible for some people.

More likely, a house is a money pit that becomes a big-ass mistake in a divorce.

Ask any divorce attorney: Women fight tooth-and-nail to keep homes they cannot afford when they divorce.

A house is likely your biggest financial asset, and should be treated as such. When you divorce, and if you owned a home with your husband or partner, any equity in the home is likely communal property, and is to be split 50/50, typically with a sale.

Instead, I see moms holding on to properties they can’t afford in the name of:

  • Shielding their children from the stress of moving house (fact: research finds that financial stress / poverty is the #1 biggest risk factor in divorce)
  • Maintaining a lifestyle she believes she is entitled to / the couple sought while married (fact: you’re not married to him! You need a new dream now!)

My advice in 95% of these situations: Take that money run!

Why?

  1. If you can’t easily afford the house, you have no business being in it. You are now 100% responsible for your lifestyle and financial security. This is an incredible opportunity to set big goals and find success that you could not previously imagine. That is really hard if you struggle to pay a mortgage, taxes and utilities on your house.
  2. Cut ties to that old life. No matter your feelings about your relationship, and the end of it, it is imperative to accept that that relationship is over, and you owe it to yourself and your children to live in reality, and move forward to a new, hopefully more fulfilling life. New scenery is in order.

This article will help you decide whether to keep the house, or sell.

Divorce guilt means you hold on to keepsakes you don’t use

Legally, anything considered a gift in marriage is the property of the gifted — including any jewelry. I hear so many women who are really broke, or otherwise struggling to move on from divorce, also holding on to household items, furniture, an engagement ring or other things they do no use or enjoy for the sake of posterity.

My general rule: If you are not using it, it does not bring you joy, or otherwise serves as a dark reminder of unhappy times — get rid of it. And no: Your kids do not want your engagement ring. It represents a failed marriage, and likely heartache for them. They don’t want that shit!

Here is how to make money via feng shui and declutter every room in your house, and my own experience with selling my engagement ring for the most money.

What do you do with this extra, guilt-free cash? Invest in making your life better!

“I wanted the divorce, so why am I sad?”

Here are reasons you may be feeeling so sad about your divorce you really wanted:

  • You loved him, and now you don't and you are grieving that loss.
  • You hurt him and you feel guilty about that. He's a good guy!
  • You upset your entire family, hurt your kids and upended your life. That is a lot of responsibility for one person to take on.
  • You are worried your kids will hate you for the rest of your life.
  • You took a risk and are worried that you will regret it later.
  • You already regret your decision to divorce.
  • Everything in your life is changing and that is always hard.
  • Your original plan, your dream of how your life would look and what you thought you wanted didn't work out, and you are working on letting that go.

How do you cope and get over that divorce guilt?

The best revenge is living your best life — and sometimes you need to take revenge on yourself.

What I mean is this: Today you feel all kinds of shame and guilt for wanting to leave your relationship. Fast-forward to next year and your life is incredible: You are in shape, feel great, dating a great guy (or dating a lot of guys), thriving in your career, your finances are shaping up and your kids are doing AMAZING.

All your fear and guilt around your divorce now have to contend with the facts. The fact is that you and your family are better since you divorced.

Stop arguing with yourself!

I have been divorced for close to 10 years now. Holy shit is my life a thousand times better than when I was married. I shudder at what my life would have looked like had we stayed together.

I want to explore my sexuality in a way that is impossible with him — and oh yeah I did.

I want to be with people who support my huge professional ambition and creative pursuits without competing — again, impossible with him.

I want to be with a man who easily forgives and easily laughs, and easily picks up his dirty fucking clothes and just puts them in the hamper. Score!

I am thriving professionally in a way that I was impossible for me in that partnership. I am creatively free and fulfilled, which could not have happened in that marriage.

How and why to have an amicable divorce

I just don’t want to be married to him. End of story. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone — including me!

The end of that relationship was painful for so many people. And being divorced is hard for him, me and my kids in lots of practical ways.

But the net result for all involved is positive. I am thriving and my very best self now — and I, my kids and those in my orbit benefit. Is that selfish? Adolescent? A mentality of post-feminist, navel-gazing Gen X/Y/millennials?

Maybe?

I don’t fucking care.

I am glad for it.

And I free you to be glad for it, too.

Not quite there yet? Do these things now:

  1. Consider therapy with a company like BetterHelp. Read: BetterHelp online therapy review
  2. Focus on your own self-care.
  3. Hang out with people who get it, get you, and see happiness in you when you don’t have the courage to see it yourself. Again: Millionaire Single Moms on Facebook.
  4. Decide that tomorrow you will wake up, the guilt will be less than the day before, and that it may take a long time for it to be 100% gone. That’s cool.
  5. Find success stories about other thriving single moms. I have a bunch in my book, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin).
  6. Pay attention to how you identify yourself. You know those women who have been divorced for 30 years, and in the first 2 minutes of meeting someone new they unload that their husband left them for another woman / abused her / was living a double life / etc.? Don’t be that woman. She has one identity: A victim of divorce. You are not her. You are an adult with full control of who you are and your happiness. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: YOUR HAPPINESS IS CRITICAL.

Change your name after divorce? Pros and cons and how …

“I regret divorcing a good man.”

Sometimes, women regret divorcing a good guy. I know of one couple who split up because she felt like he cared too much about his career, and she was lonely. He was a good guy, her life was fine, but she wanted more. She fell in love with her gay fitness instructor (who, needless to say, did not return her sentiments), ended the marriage and when her ex went on to marry a much younger woman, have two babies and grow his restaurant business into a venture netting in the hundred-million-dollar range, she regretted her decision.

You likely will not, but just get on with it. Find the value in your experience, forge a new journey and land in a new and different — possibly better — place.

Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, Elle, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. As an expert on divorce and gender, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality and multiple state legislature hearings. More about Emma's credentials.

251 Comments

and this is why i never want to be married and /or trust woman,

“I am growing a digital business I am passionate about, while he is 100% content in his middle-management corporate job with good benefits.”

just freaking wow smh women can never be satisfied , I hope that guy is having the time of his life right now because she really did him a favor.

I am so surprised the woman at the beginning of this article was able to divorce him so quickly. I have been married 20 years to a nice guy that I do not love. At year 10 I knew I didn’t love him for the same reasons she described. I didn’t realize until year 15 divorce was an option. Now it has taken me the last 5 years trying to get up the courage to destroy my whole life, his life, and my kids life just to tell him I want divorce so I can be happy.

You will not be happy. There is nothing out here for you.
Divorce will not solve a single problem. It only compounds them.
I regret leaving him daily. I have a new boyfriend, but he is nothing like my husband. His eldest son is violent, and his youngest son is developmentally delayed, and has to sleep in the bed with us nightly, or he screams all night. . It is not the same. Meanwhile, He has moved on, and has a new wife. She’s cute and sweet (she’s also white) and I feel guilty that I hate her for it but I do. I know she thinks I’m horrible. His ex wife passed away two years ago, so we have full custody, which I was not counting on. I guess I deserve it, somewhat.

I thought I could recapture my 20s. It was like I was under a spell. When I woke up, I realized that not only was I not going to be able to recapture my college days, those days were not as wonderful as I described them in my head. Whrn my depression returned, it was like I remembered all those times I was lonely and depressed, despite being the “it girl.” My friends go on and on about finding a “good black man,” and it hurts me so much, because I had one and threw him away.

Ny current husband sits around playing video games with his children. He has a good job, but spoils his children and very little is left for me. Selfish I know. It still hurts though. I had the perfect man to grow old with, and I ended things.

I’m a strong woman of amazing talent and drive, but that doesn’t fully take away my regrets.

What a sad tale. Just another example of a self serving person, with an horrific sense of entitlement and no sense of personal accountability.
Stop projecting, you get what you deserve. You wonder why men are stepping away from dating and relationships as a whole. Bravo.

OMG…you have NO IDEA how much you have just helped me. Was with my husband over 20 years, married 13, unhappy the last 5. Been separated a year and I’ve beat myself up every, single day. We separated because I met someone that made me feel like a queen, and he found out. I mean I cried at home, cried at work, all the time. The guilt and remorse was indescribable. I am just starting to feel better. But THIS…this gave me permission to smile!! Thankyou!!!

Please, if you are a woman (or man for that matter), think long and hard before heading down this crazy hedonistic road that this author is suggesting. She has made her decisions. You don’t have to follow in her footsteps just because you can. You may have genuine reasons to leave your marriage, an unfaithful or abusive spouse, or a serious breakdown of the relationship that is becoming toxic. But if your spouse is a good person, a loving parent, loyal and loving to you, just what more do you really want? Ask yourself seriously, what real benefit will I have by leaving and way up against the pain you will cause to those you love for doing it. Yes, you may feel unfulfilled in some way, but then so might your spouse. Are you doing all you can for them? Have you considered counselling? Have you tried other ways to give your marriage a lift? This article is so defeatist. This author’s marriage didn’t work out. That’s on her. She’s now dressing it up as some sort of path to enlightenment and freedom, but is it? really? what will you have to show in a few years time if it doesn’t wok out? Some failed relationships with guys that wouldn’t commit because you were a divorced mother? Ask your self that.

Really ? She should just suffer in silence and be unhappy for the rest of her life? You only get one life, it should be your best. Also, it ‘s good she was honest. She could have lied to him the rest of his life. Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Now he can be with the right person and she can be with the right person.

My husband of 4 1/2 years started threatening to end the relationship pretty early on. For whatever reason, he feels like conflict = the end of a relationship. After a few threats, we eventually went to counseling and it would help, at least for a little while. Ultimately, when things would heat up again, he was threatening to leave, one time even storming downstairs in a fit of rage to tell our children (my two and his one). I told him to leave. Find an apartment and move out ASAP…he asked for my forgiveness, which I extended and we gave it another shot. It was always this cycle of he threatens to leave, I tell him to do it, he apologizes and gets real close. Rinse & repeat. This last time, well, let’s just say the timing didn’t work out for him. It was 5 nights before my bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, my sister is fighting breast cancer and my uncle was just diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer…I was feeling more stress than I ever remember. We didn’t have much of a connection and we laid in bed, I grabbed his hand and said, “I really want to be close with you,” as a tear rolled down my cheek. He said, “I’ll get you through this surgery, but after that, we’re over.” I filed for the divorce the next day and it has since been finalized. I bought him out of the house and he is still looking for a place for him and his daughter to move. Essentially, I just took him up on his offer and yet I STILL FEEL GUILTY AND UNSURE. And this is just a tiny little piece…I have been a full-time stepmom to his daughter because her mother died when she was three and the co-parenting conflicts are nonstop. Anyway…I’m trying to set up some therapy to work through these feelings. I love him so much and I don’t know why, because I do not like him, for the most part. Our values are so different and there is so much resentment. I didn’t need him financially, actually my financial situation will improve without having to help him out. He wasn’t a huge help at home, but boy if he did one little thing and didn’t get boatloads of praise, well…prepare for the cold shoulder. As anyone can see, I need to get this off my chest.

Hi, given his petty and unstable behaviour, your filing for divorce sounds totally justified. He showed a complete lack of empathy to say that to you in the run up to your operation. What? He couldn’t wait a few weeks to let you down gently? What a manchild.

Unlike the tenet of this article which seems to place personal whim above those old fashioned values of loyalty to a good husband (or wife, because there are plenty of men who act in the same selfish way) and duty to your children. You know, the values that underpin any great relationship and provide a stable loving environment for children.

If you choose to marry and have children, it is supposed to be a commitment that will inevitably need to be worked on from time to time to make it work. If you can’t make that commitment then don’t get married. But once done, it shows poor personal character if you can’t show the maturity and self discipline to see it through. And this obsession with finding oneself prevailing in the modern female narrative is so disingenuous. If you want to behave like Don Draper off Mad Men, then just say so, stop making out like its some personal development or growth to explore yourself when in fact what you really want is just to explore other men’s bodies. Be honest with yourself and us and just say it for what it is. Its fine for women to want to explore their sexuality, just don’t make out its anything more than acting like men have for generations, and have been rightly chastised for, its hypocritical.

Selfishness and narcissistic personality disorder is so prevalent in todays women. It’s no wonder why MGTOW is the newest and most viable future for men. Why would a young man commit to a woman who tomorrow -on a whim- “feels” she no longer loves her husband or she isn’t emotionally or sexually amused anymore. Feminism has ruined the family structure. In the last decade 80% of divorces are initiated by women who guilt free destroy the marriage (and kids lives) in their pitiful selfishness. What’s worst is there are sites like this that provide cheap .20 cent guilt washes … but KARMA is a bitch.

Well I’m a guy who’s initiated two divorces and felt guilty. My reasons were 1) they were a financial disaster (spent every penny I tried to save) 2) they were absolute slobs 3) they gained 100 lbs (I work hard to stay attractive and healthy) 4) one had an abortion so she could buy a new Honda (no joke) 5) one was infertile and insisted on never giving up ($24K wasted on that) 5) couldn’t hold down a job (after we got married, of course – interesting how that works).

But this article was just… sad. They women simply just wanted to explore other men, just because. Well that’s a personal choice I guess. But what irks me is the way these women word this to avoid admitting that they’re just not capable of monogamy and likely only married for some imagined security and children they could extract from a man they obviously weren’t ever attracted to. And that’s why they felt guilty. They used the guy. I felt guilty because I felt like I was punishing my ex wives for being legitimately dysfunctional. They knew they were screwing up and couldn’t change. And I didn’t have the tolerance to love them at their worst, a commitment we’re supposed to consider seriously before marrying someone.

If a woman can so easily lose passion in a marriage….what motivation is there for any man to commit to marriage ? The more I read the article, the more it saddens me. The idea that at any point in time, the woman you chose to marry could suddenly have a midlife crisis and decide to leave because she is bored.

Why are we encouraging this as a society ? Whatever happened to commitment ?

So what you are saying is you ruined multiple peoples lives and your own financial situation because you didn’t feel the tingles in your panse, You are a selfish and horrible person. And you will die alone if you don’t cling to another man before your looks fall apart and your money runs out. Good Luck, Future Cat Lady. Feminism is Cancer.

It’s so hard to find stories like this so it makes it extra meaningful when I do. I’m married to a nice guy, we have tried to work on things that were making me unhappy but at the end of the day I just don’t want to be married anymore and I feel so guilty for that. Somehow it’s been drummed into me somewhere along the way that unless he beats me, cheats, gambles etc. i’m supposed to just be happy and make it work.
If we’re allowed to change careers within our lifetime, why can’t we change our relationships?

‘….. If we’re allowed to change careers within our lifetime, why can’t we change our relationships?…”
Try changing to a new career when you sunk 20 years into training for something else. Pretty stupid to sink your best years into a relationship and then starting over when your older and less marketable.
Basic fact is women get less attractive as they age, while they can still get sex pretty easy no one is gonna want an old cow when milk is cheep and plentiful ….

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