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Why single moms don’t get to celebrate Father’s Day

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Plenty of memes going around Facebook giving Father's Day shout-outs to single moms who “do it all.”

Make your way down the card isle and you will come across Hallmark's cards, they have a half-dozen designed celebrating moms on this day.

Cards read:

“Happy Father's Day, Mom!”

“Mom: You're the best! Thanks for being both father and mother.”

“Happy Father's Day to all the single moms pulling double duty.”

It is not OK to wish single moms a Happy Father's Day.

Should you wish single moms a “Happy Father’s Day”?

In short: Moms never get to celebrate Father's Day. Don't wish any female-gendered person Happy Father's Day. It is absolutely uncool to every male, female, adult and child.

Why people wish single moms a “Happy Father’s Day”

Overwhelmed and (often justifiably) resentful mothers who do not have a supportive co-parent (whether she is in a relationship or not) have long taken on the mantra: I am the mother and father.

Subtex: I do the work of the two parents that a child should have, because the asshole won't do his share. Sometimes, the backstory is less bitter and involves the death of the father.

I get it. I really get it. I get that you do all, or most of the work.

I get that he checked out and that is so, so, so wrong and absentee fathers hold men, women, fathers, mothers and most of all children back.

Absentee fathers is a big freaking problem in this country, as I have explored in numerous posts. What to tell your child when their father is not involved.

I am making it in my work a priority to address and remedy.

Why you shouldn’t wish single moms a “Happy Father’s Day”

First, no child is guaranteed two parents. In fact, through most of history in societies around the world, children were raised by whole clans. The idea of a two-parent nuclear household is an advent of the past 150 years.

Second, the problem of absentee fathers is not because men are inherently horrible, and do not care about their children. The reason so many kids suffer without a father — and mothers of those children struggle to raise them — is an institutionalized and complex social shitshow that is caused by both genders equally, hurts both genders equally. In summary:

Our society, culture and policy has institutionalized the patriarchial model that men are breadwinners, women are caretakers.

Countless articles bemoan that even educated, high-earning married women do far more child care and housework than their husbands. Why?

One possible explanation for this is that by outearning their husbands, wives worry that they are breaking norms on gender expectations. The same norms are at play for men in female-dominated occupations, such as nursing, who are more likely than other men to do more masculine types of housework like power-hosing the deck or mowing the lawn. Women in male-dominated occupations, such as law enforcement, tend to do more feminine tasks such as cooking and washing the dishes. These men and women are “correcting” for their jobs by asserting their masculinity and femininity through housework.

ALIYA HAMID RAO, in The Atlantic

Now, let's look at separated and divorced families. Only one state, Kentucky, as of 2019, has any laws that guarantee that both parents — mothers and fathers — are guaranteed a presumption of equality when it comes to parenting time. The rest of the states default to the decades' old mantra of best interest of the child which means that both parents are encouraged to fight tooth and nail to prove they are the better parent, the reward for which is majority custody and parenting time.

All the white, straight, rich men (who have benefited for centuries from unpaid at-home wives) overwhelming award mothers primary custody. Dads are relegated to every-other-weekend parttime visitors in their childres' lives — often with unaffordable child support requirements.

Conflict between parents ensues. The less parenting time fairness, and the more conflict, studies show, the less involved fathers are.

The men check out. Fatherlessness ensues. Inconsistent involvement from fathers is tied to every social ill: Emotional and academic delays, low employment, incarceration, addiction, and an increased likelihood of repeating these family patterns.

Are single-parent families whole?

Five things never to say to your kids about their father

You are not a father. Only a Father can be a father.

By saying: I am taking credit for being a father, you tell your children:

“Fathers are replaceable.”

They are not.

It is heartbreaking that your kids' dad is not an equal parent, but that doesn't mean that his absence is irrelevant.

It's not.

It's a big deal, and your children deserve the honor of feeling sad, mourning the absence of a committed dad.

“Men are irrelevant.”

Men aren't irrelevant.

You don't die when you don't have a romantic partner, and your kids don't die when their dad isn't around.

But that does not make men irrelevant.

You have a son, or you have a daughter.

If we are going to teach our children to respect women, we must respect all genders equally.

“I am a martyr and you owe me.” 

First of all, no one owes you shit, no matter the day of the year.

Second, you kids don't owe you because you raise them.

The makeup of their family, the involvement of each parent, is on those parents.

You do you, raise your kids and stop asking them or the world for acknowledgment.

“Your dad sucks.” 

He might suck. You might be right.

But don't say that to your kids — directly or passively.

Trust me, I get the temptation.

I've been guilty of saying bad stuff about my kids' dad.

But it is not pretty and you will feel bad later.

26 reasons being a single mom is awesome

“Your dad will never be an important part of your life.”

That may be true, but it may not be.

There are many, many examples of parents who checked out of their kids' lives, but re-emerged to be meaningful fathers and mothers.

Maybe they finally get their priorities straight.

Or deal with mental health or financial issues that hold them back from being involved.

Other times, the vitriol of the divorce or breakup subside and make room for healthy co-parenting.

If you establish that Father's Day does not involve your kids' father, you close that door of hope.

Instead, you do what you can to raise those gorgeous children.

Should single moms celebrate Father's Day?

It may mean welcoming in other male figures (even if their dad is actively involved — it is impossible to have too much love for our kids!).

Related: When to introduce your boyfriends to your kids — or have him sleep over?

It may mean growing your community by way of friends and neighbors and other bonds that make life full and happy, and help your children know that life is abundant with love — as much love as they are willing and able to accept.

Even if the love does not come from the people whom you crave it from most, there is indeed more love than you, your kids, or even their dad, can fathom.

Your kids and you get to celebrate your love for each other in May. On Mother's Day. [Happy Mother's Day to you, you incredible single mama!]

Until then, I wish all the fathers — biological, surrogate, foster, step, unofficial, official, absent, part-time, incarcerated, and otherwise — a very happy Father's Day.

Maybe you are opening a power tool and crappy popsicle stick framed pic of your kid, and enjoying a regular ol' Sunday with them.

Or, not at all. But in some way you made a contribution, and if you are like a huge portion of dads in this country who do nowhere near your share:

I believe you can do better. I believe you will do better.

And whenever you're ready to step up, please, please do. It's never too late.

29 ways to co-parent like a pro


I came across this article knowing I would disagree and hate it, because I think it callous to say to a woman who is struggling to make ends meet for her child isn’t entitled to another day because she’s doing all of the work for her child(ren) because the child’s father left. Because how dare she even think that she deserved any more credit than the little she has gotten?
I will continue to wish struggling mothers happy Father’s Day as well as my own mother. She did more work for me than my father ever did. No, fathers aren’t replaceable, nor did I stop hurting over my fathers absence as a child, but at LEAST I had my mother to turn to.

Elle, with all due respect.
No one gives a shit.
You are pushing a toxic agenda that will prove hurtfull to the very generation we mothers are rasing now and you even want to be glorified for it. I am utterly disgusted.
Your mother raised you because she loved as all mothers should. Not because they wish to be celebrated twice a year.
So no you do not deserve to be celebrated on fathers day, and I hope your kids wont suffer from your predetermined mindset.

It’s lacking depth, the whole article. I have always had men who are fathers be the ones to reach out to me to say Happy Father’s Day. I don’t like it, yeah it’s awkward, I’m not a man. But I get it, I get why they wanted to expréss appreciation, or why they took notice that I taught my kids to ride a bike, taught my son how to treat a girl and taught my daughter to watch out for boys with wandering eyes, etc. and wrestled with my son to play pretend Ninjas, and made car noises and airplane sounds etc. You say “you get it”, and if you did, you wouldn’t write a condescending, belittling article towards the dynamics and environment of what it really entails to be living in a single parent life for children. It is judgmental to imply single parenting are bad mouthing the father to their kids. A single mother is a mother like any non single mother, who is also a good parent, that cares to protect our children. That means no brainwashing our children or installing hatred into their minds. If they are then that is simply bad parenting just as any non single parent can have be bad parenting, we can’t assume that just because a mom is a single mom she is bad parenting. Some single mother’s are widows. No mother believes she can replace a father. How bizarre to say. Any mother who loves her children aches for them to have missed out on a father figure and this is the TRUTH BOMB! All any good mother wants is love for her children. Sadly your intake on a delicate situation in the life for children and mothers in single parent home, was haste, lacks of compassion, shallow and judgmental. Not only to the mothers but to the children whom are growing in single parent homes. Rethink your perspective for the sake of children.

While Father’s Day well wishes were appearing on social media, MANY of my adult friends who were raised without a father were wishing their mothers a Happy Father’s Day – simply because they pulled double duty! Gender-normative roles aside, single parents, or same sex parents, have to step up and fill the social roles of both parents and trust me it’s not easy. No one parenting approach is the right fit for everyone. While yours may work for some, it clearly rings untrue to many commenters.

So, Happy Father’s Day to the women out there who are knee deep in the diapers, little league. Your raising smart well-adjusted kids who will someday thank you for being their Mom & Dad!

You’re not a father and never will be…period. You know it too….that’s why you’re looking up this subject looking for validation. Just be a great mother…that sometimes means doing things that father’s will normally do….but it still doesn’t make you a father!

I have always agreed that mothers don’t need to be celebrated on Father’s Day but after reading your article and the comments that followed I have now changed my mind. I now see that it is up to the child to choose who they want to celebrate and that should be respected. You seem to be a mean spirited person who has very little respect for women or children. I believe there is a very special place in hell for people like you…. get there quickly please.

I’ll comment on here too. I am a single DAD. I became a single dad when my son was 15 months old and my daughter was 3 days old. That’s right. I have changed every diaper, made every bottle, cleaned up every spit-up, had every sleepless night, and have done every single thing that single mothers do. My kids are now 4 and 2.5 and it’s still just the 3 of us. The difference is that no matter how good of a father I am or how much I have done for my children I will always be considered a second class parent.
To relate this to this blog, on Father’s day on social media there are hundreds of posts with tags that are thanking mothers who do it all. I get it. On mother’s day though I had a friend post a “happy mothers day to a Dad who has done it all” on my page and IT WENT NUTS. Within a few hours I had over 100 comments, some supportive, most though were along the lines of “It’s great he is raising them by himself but he is NOT a mother”. I do concur. I am not a mom. I don’t feel the need to be one, nor do I feel the need to be appreciated for raising my children. Good article.

Pat on back for dads who do parenting. *(Though women don’t get pat for all their work – its just expected! Unfortunately many many men make arrangements so that they don’t even pay maintenance. just as thousands disappear without trace or sense of responsibility. ANd then there are good dads to their second family having dropped first for a newer model.

Well… I was excited to find this blog and book until I read this blog post. My *favorite* part (sarcasm) was the part where the author tells single moms that nobody owes them shit. Ummmm yeah that’s false. Most of us are owed quite a bit. Also aren’t you trying to promote yourself? Why are you degrading your readers, including in your responses to their comments? Moving along now.

My ex wife tries to get my kids whom she alienated from me to celebrate Father’s Day. My kids are conveniently sick on every one of my placement days despite multiple court orders. If you’re one of these massively over controlling anti men mom’s then no, fuck off. You don’t deserve a no there day much less a Father’s Day.

I’m a single mother of a 7 year old boy and have been taking care of him 100% since he was born. I personally don’t celebrate Father’s Day for myself because I am not a man, but when my friend’s send me a text on the day I politely say thank you and keep it moving. I understand what they mean and I understand why some single mother’s celebrate it with their kids and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.

I teach my son about what a man’s duties are on a regular basis and the importance of a man in the world and in family. He is also lucky enough to see Great-grandfathers, grandfathers and uncles in these positions. And if he wanted to, on his own, tell me happy father’s day or celebrate me on that day then I wouldn’t stop him because that is something he obviously feels from the heart.

I also don’t celebrate Father’s Day because it kind of reminds me of a transgender woman getting Woman of the Year award. Like something not quite right with it. Its just how I correlate it.

My relationship was in a mess a few months back, I kept on complaining and was panicking to know if my husband was cheating. Until my friend who is a cybersecurity expert at work referred me to this hacker cheatershacker1 AT gmail who is a friend of a friend. I got all the information i needed, I got totally access to his phones, seeing his calls, messages, emails among other things he does with his phone. I am so glad i got a genuine hacker after months of endless search. you can contact her if you need help.

I think it’s odd you are telling single MOTHERS that they can’t celebrate THEMSELVES on FATHER’S DAY. After all, it’s not the mothers who buy themselves the card or the gift. It’s the child who chooses who they bestow appreciation and gifts on either of these days. My “fatherless” son is too young to even know what Father’s Day is and for now, it passes like any other day just like Mother’s Day. Indeed, I do 100% of the parenting and I don’t expect or care about being celebrated on either day. Being a parent is a blessing that I am grateful for every single day. However, when the time comes if he chooses to recognize me on either day I will lovingly accept anything he might give me. It’s the child’s choice, not yours or mine.

I love that everybody thinks it’s the mother deciding to do the celebrating.

I started saying Happy Fathers Day to my mother years ago when I had my own children, with my husband, and started to realise the sacrifice she made in having me, on her own, when my dad CHOSE NOT to be around.

Unless you LIVE THE SITUATION, you have NO right and NO idea what it was like.

My Poppa was celebrated whe he was here.

But now he’s dead, so is it OK to celebrate my mother?

Is that ok to you and your tiny mind?

It’s the CHILDREN that make the choices sometimes, not the parents.

The CHILDREN actually understand how much work it is for ONE parent.

Next time save an opinion piece for something you have actually gone through, otherwise you’re just another know nothing jackass making something out of nothing.

millennial women are so brainfucked they don’t even know the difference between mother and father.. hilarious.. weak, pathetic girls who think they are strong and independent while in reality, all they have is huge daddy issues xD

I have to call bullshit. Acknowledging a mother on Father’s Day does not discount or diminish the paternal role, if one exists. That’s done with separate and distinct actions towards a child, not from a child. Have a separate discussion about parental alienation to cover that subject. Recognizing their Mother’s dual roles, is a show of acknowledgement and gratitude. Furthermore this can apply to absentee Mother’s as well. After all, absenteeism runs both ways.
To diminish or be dismissive about any single parents’ many roles is wrong, and if a child, friend or family member chooses to recognize that, good for them.
In the end, people benefit from a show of recognition and gratitude. Why try to knock it?

Interesting post.

I respect your POV though I agree and disagree. You’re father will always be your father. But I celebrate my mom, grandmother and great-grandmother on mother’s day (I don’t celebrate grandparents day), and I choose to celebrate Father’s Day with my mom and grandfather.

This post feels like two different topics…
A father not being replaceable doesn’t seem to be aligned with “Mother’s shouldn’t be celebrated on Father’s Day”.

Did It ever occur to you it’s the child that initiate wanting to celebrate Father’s Day with their single mother? I’m a single mom of 3 girls. They wish me a Happy Father’s Day. It’s not disrespecting their deadbeat dad who despite the fact he doesn’t pay his child support and only speaks to them on the phone if I initiate the call, and sees them only because twice a month I drive the over 2 hours to his house. But I get them a gift to give him and, buys food so they can make him breakfast on Father’s Day. And he doesn’t do any of this in return. So my kids wish me a happy Father’s Day too! It’s there choice and what makes them happy.

C’mon, Hallmark couldn’t resist making a few bucks off women hungry for a bite of Petty Pie.

Parenting is a thankless job even when both parents still love each other and passionately screw every night while still being married.

These women that confidently pat themselves on their own back for a job well done are lonely and needing love.

It’s a sad occassion in my opinion. Let them have their reaffirmation.

Of course, if they are an alienating reason the dad is being roadblocked and feeding the kids a story…

Well, ______. <— fill in the worst wishes you can imagine.

Every time I see a “No Fathers Day for Single Mothers” post the author is always attacking and critiquing the single mothers for celebrating themselves. It’s as if the writer is under the impression that on Mothers and Fathers day the moms and dads are the ones that begin or even expect celebrations for themselves. Which is never the case. These are days that children celebrate their parents. When a post attacks or critiques single mothers being celebrated on Fathers day they are actually attacking and critiquing CHILDREN for their efforts to celebrate the most important person in their life and everything that person did. And these authors always speak towards what these mothers are saying/doing to their children as if kids can’t form opinions of their fathers on their own. I choose to celebrate my mother on mothers day, fathers day and every day because she did it all and she did a damn good job.

When I see a woman trying to steal Father’s Day, I immediately think less of them. You can do without special attention of Father’s Day. It’s a gender based holiday.

I honored my mother on both father and mother’s day. My mother didn’t steal anything. It is the kid’s choice who they want to honor. Plain and simple.

When I first read the title, I wholeheartedly thought that i would disagree with you (the author). After reading, I became enlightened. Thank you for giving me a differing view point. I completely agree. : )

I am a single father, i respect everyones choice to celebrate whatever they want, if a mother wants to celebrate fathers day, well let her, and if a father wants to celebrate mothers day, let him. I myself dont feel the need to be celebrated on mothers day nor fathers day for that matter, my role of being their dad is sunday through saturday, 365. I do not feel the need to tell them wrongful things about their mother because the fact that she left doesnt give me the right, they will soon be grown people and realize for themselves what doesnt need to be said. When my kids ask all i say is that people make mistakes and their mother made a mistake. I should remark that there are as many DEADBEAT mothers as there are fathers in this world, my personal opinion anyway.

“18.3 percent of custodial parents in 2011 were fathers, according to the latest numbers from the U.S. Census Bureau”
“Poverty rates also differ between custodial mothers and fathers, even if you set aside whether or not they’re receiving child support payments. In 2011, 31.8 percent of custodial mothers were living in poverty — the figure for custodial fathers is half that.”
The Census Bureau reports more women as primary caregivers- single fathers are still rare occurrences- and they are much better off financially than their single-mother counterparts (add to that factor that most single-fathers have some other woman- a girlfriend, new wife, or a mother helping them).

Good article! You can’t let others stop what you believe in and support. They will be alright! We all have an opinion of what another should and should not do. That’s fine! That’s why they are called “opinions “.

I don’t celebrate “father’s day” I celebrate grand-daddy day. He’s my father. That other dude who got my mother pregnant, I don’t know him. But I know my grandpa. He’s who I give love and appreciation to on Father’s Day. He was father to both me and my mom. And we love him so much!

All of the POV on this subject are very enlightening to read. I have a different take on the whole thing. I don’t celebrate Mother’s OR Father’s Day… for the simple facts that I am a mother EVERY day, and that to me it is basically a greeting card holiday. I do not want to tell my children when or what to celebrate, or to feel guilty if they forget to get me flowers or make a card. The random days that they tell me I am awesome, appreciate some mundane thing that I do for them, pick me flower, draw me picture… that is my Mother’s Day and it happens way more often than once or twice a year.

Regarding Father’s Day, I too left an abusive man. My children really do not have a father. I let them feel the way they need to feel about this as well. They have expressed that the family dog is more of a father to them: loyal, protective, kind. I love that they can recognize that these traits are what a father or good man would be to them, and they don’t feel ashamed or needy to replace the crappy father they have. They just accept that is the way he is, and know that it is his garbage and not reflection of how amazing they are.

I just recently stumbled onto this blog and I think it will help me greatly. I disagree and I agree all at the same time. Everything that happens in our lives, both good and bad only affect us in the ways we allow them to. With me, at age 38, I just recently had a baby with a man who was a deadbeat (the reason I finally left him). Found out shortly after, I’d been pregnant for 2 months by this person. Our baby was born 4 months early and spent 4 months in the NICU. The father visited him almost daily the first week or so and then it tapered off to once a week…once every couple weeks. I was there every day, three times a day and this continued even when I was back to working full time and no longer on maternity leave. My life was consumed with pumping and running back and forth to the hospital and balancing that with working and taking care of my first born. I developed a lot of hostility towards him because of this. Because HIS life did not change when our baby was born. HE didn’t seem to realize he had a whole new set of responsibilities. On the positive side, he also didn’t get to reap the benefits of our son smiling each and every day even with cords shoved down his nose and throat. He didn’t get to bond with him which was his own choice. Nothing was taken from him. I thought it would change when the baby came home (it did not). His version of being father of the year is paying 75% of day care expenses and seeing his baby 2 hours a week or every other week. When Fathers Day rolled around this year, I was torn. Did he come to visit the baby? NO. Did he bother to text or call to check on him? NO. So of course I was part of the moms out there telling myself Happy Fathers Day for being the dad and mom, because part of me feels that way. It was so very hard shopping for a Fathers Day card for this man when they all have so much meaning. I can’t possibly pick out a card that talks about “you’ve been my protector… you’re my inspiration…over the years you’ve been my rock… etc”. Do you know what the card says? “Happy Fathers Day big guy, from your little guy”. That’s as short, simple, and honest as I could fathom. But it was a huge step for me even BUYING him one! Throughout the whole NICU/preemie experience, I have found a new faith in the man upstairs and the spiritual side of me tells me every day that I need to let go of this resentment. I need to find inspiration somewhere, from people with similar stories. People who feel at least part of what I feel, and still find a way to carry on and live their the best they can to their children. I don’t want to be the mom who talks crap about the dad every day and instills resentment in my son. If my son feels any negative feelings toward his dad, I want it to be something HE figures out on his own. Not because I brainwashed him. I don’t want him to feel like men or dads are replaceable or useless. Because simply put, that may be MY feelings at the moment but that doesn’t make it a FACT. Simply an opinion. The fact is: I wholeheartedly wish I could give my son a family that includes both mom and dad and NOT a split home. But since that is not the case, and I most definitely do not have time to date or get to know anything anywhere in the near future, I need to learn to be happy. I need to learn to be happy that I am the person raising this little boy. The person who can teach him to be responsible and respectful to women. The person who gets to see his smiling face each and every day. The person whom he looks up to and admires for doing all that I do for him. Ok I’m off my soapbox for now :)

If I celebrate Fathers’ Day as a single mother, it’s not because Dads don’t count. I used a sperm donor. I don’t want my daughter to feel ashamed, or that she is any less, or any less loved, or that she’s missing out on Fathers’ Day (and every other day of the year) because she has no father.

That is an interesting POV – new territory for sure. Wonder: are there other men in her life – uncle, friend, grandfather – that she could celebrate with?

Why do women have to judge and label other women rather than embracing each other?! I can’t imagine a man telling another man he can’t celebrate mothers day with his kids. Men just look at each other and say “cool” and remain friends and don’t judge. No competition. If a single parent wants to celebrate a holiday with their kids in a certain way, let them. Parenting is hard enough without having others around you who should understand you actually judging you instead. When will women stop doing this to each other? It helps no one.

I dont think Emma is trying to shame anyone. Merely pointing out we have an epedemic of poor attitudude when it comes to fathers. Men are unimportant, undervalued, unwanted and most of all unloved. Very sad state of affairs. The last thing we need to donas a society is condone making men outcasts.

“Men are unimportant, undervalued, unwanted and most of all unloved.” Is that the truth? If a man chooses not to be a parent to his biological child because he simply doesn’t want the responsibility and lacks character to do what is right, how is that the fault of anyone besides the man? It is the “father” who is choosing to believe he is unimportant. The parent that is left behind and the child are left to deal with that. They do what needs to be done. How does that undervalue the Father? You need to rethink your logic.

How does it NOT undervalue the idea of a father figure, when one parent home is being acknowledged as the norm? To reduce the idea of a family to one parent is literally disrupting the idea of a family. To say that one parent can just replace the other and function as both. This movement is reinforcing that attitude. As a parent, you are guiding your childrens’ thoughts of the world and teaching them how to live.

Can a single mom raise a family on her own? Yes of course.
Can she teach life lessons and discipline? Yes.
Would the situation for the children at least be different if there were two parents? Yes.

If your son is telling you “Happy Father’s Day”, what does that teach him about the role as a future father? I believe that it is setting the tone that he is not needed, he doesn’t need to be responsible. In reality, this is not about you at all. You’re a supermom! It is changing how you’re children are percieving the world and altering what is normal and by most accounts, better. You’re supposed to be setting a precedent for your children, an idea which doesn’t have to reflect your situation but ultimately guide them when they are making their family.

I agree but there are also women who leave and just leave the man, but NO ONE ever says that. instead the force down our throat that Women are essentially better than men. and that men are unnecessary.

Stroke her ego some more… Good men are treasured, and extremely rare. I had a wonderful father, I was one of the lucky ones. I also had a grandfather that was amazing, even though I never heard him speak more than a dozen words. He was a carpenter and I loved watching him work. My dad taught me a thousand things without hardly saying a word. My other grandfather was a horrible man, he shot at my grandmother drank constantly and finally killed himself. I’m not lonely or needy. I’m not sad to be single. I purposely avoided the stepfather deal for my girls sake. I admire good men. They contribute so much to families and the world. I have many male friends. When I’ve seen a single father they are usually struggling and if I can help I do without interfering. I admire a man that will take on that responsibility even though they often fear they won’t measure up, but they do and I applaud them for it.

I have to respectfully disagree.
My ex walked out on his family (me and our twins) when the twins were 5 months old. He was there sporadically, then not at all. The kids weren’t people he loved…the were tools to hurt me.
He was absolutely replaceable. He was replaced by my husband, who adopted the twins, who will be 12 next month.
My brother’s father saw him 1 time..when he was 6 months old. He told my mother, my brother (via a phone call) and my brother’s brother that, as far as he was concerned, he only had one son (the brother). My mother was the one who raised my brother, from birth until he was 18, on her own.
His father was absolutely replaceable. My mother did it all. She taught my brother things a man should. Because I am older (7 years), I taught him how to play baseball.
My mom was mother AND father to my brother. That’s all he’s ever known. So I don’t take this away from her.
On the flipside, I have a dear friend who raises his kids 100% on his own. Their mother walked out when they were young and has nothing to do with them. For HIM, I wish him both a happy Father’s and Mother’s day, because I feel he deserves it.
Fathers ARE replaceable. Mothers are replaceable. It’s up to us, as parents, to make sure that doesn’t happen to us.

What is the value in saying you are both mother and father? Why isn’t it enough to be a super-mom? Or an amazing step/adoptive dad? Why assume both gender roles? Baseball and peeing standing up can be taught by a robot – they are not gender specific. Fatherhood, however, is.

I don’t think a mother who replaces a father is a father at all. I think they are a good ass mother, same way around though. a good single father isn’t a good a mother just a good ass father.

Exactly! My ex husband is abusive, was convicted of assault, a horrible man. However, he made my kids with me. As nasty as their memories are of him, to them he is still their dad and they still miss him at times. Fathers Day hurts, but I let them mourn, they sometimes make cards and I let them send them to their Nan’s house (I don’t know the ex’s address) etc.

It took a huge effort to let them talk about him, how they feel, discuss the few good memories they have but they need it. I don’t bad mouth him in front of them, I don’t try to replace him or be their dad. I am their mum. That’s my role.

Fathers are not replaceable and they are not irrelevant.

Unless the Blogger has a psychology degree please stop espousing generalizations to rest of society, at times children do get exactly what life is about, do not be so glib with advice as if the children showing up to all plays, concerts, conferences alone with mom do not realize they are there without mom. My son saw this at 4 years old, T ball sign up, I was the only mom present, while all dad’s were there with little Johnny. It begins early, and 19 years later, when he has crossed the aisle, prime are all over, tuition is due, he is standing 6’2″, I am to say yes, honey, you got a Father wish him Him Happy Father”s Day, when if he wanted to he could have chosen a better path. This is exactly what is wrong. We all think we get a trophy, on the team, and fair shot. We do not, clean up behind them, no we will not. You want to that is Your right, but for God’s sake fo not tell the rest of us how yo talk with our children who are not wanting tok kiss anyone’s butt to make them a Father. I was not made a Mother, just put away childish things, and btw, some of us have been doing this for years. So, i hope you are talking yo your Sisters who look like you, Nubian Sisters are Matriarchs we get this, so definitely do not preach this rhetoric to us.

Um… For one, don’t tell me not to celebrate Father’s Day with my mother. She’s the only person who’s cared about me and raised me practically my entire life by herself. She’s not just my Mother, but also my Father, so she deserve the right to celebrate whatever hell she wants to. My Dad doesn’t deserve the right to feel appreciated on Father’s Day because he’s not a Father, he’s a piece of shit.
So, if kids of single Mothers wanna celebrate Father’s Day with their Mothers, they have all the rights in the world to do so.
Don’t come at us with this, “You’re a Mom, you’re supposed to only feel appreciated on Mother’s Day. Don’t try to steal Father’s Day away from Fathers.” That’s all bullshit.
You say children should grow up learning that all genders are equal, so why the hell can’t a Mother celebrate Father’s Day? Why the hell can’t a Father celebrate Mother’s Day?

Totally. As a gender becoming more and more replaceable and irrelevant in todays society, it hurts that our only tie to having a family is also being taken away from us.

Two things, If you want to celebrate fathers day with your mom, please be my guest, I couldn’t give more of a rats ass. but there have been online memes, pictures, videos and shit of people cramming it down others throats about how they are celebrating there single mom on fathers day and saying how dads are all stupid and replaceable with mothers and mothers can be just as good as a dad if not better. NO! they cant, its been proven many a time. So your mom many if not has been a spectacular mother, my hat is off to her, but she isn’t a dad and she never will be. We aren’t irrelevant and never will be. for the second point, If people said i’m going to celebrate mothers day with my single father do you know how many people would lose there shit? They would be on the news, attacked, have there social life destroyed. It wouldn’t even be funny. I don’t think anyone should tell you you can spent Fathers Day with your mom but don’t ever think your life is better because you had only a mom, a good father is just as valuable as a good mom.,

I respectfully disagree. There have been studies, proving that a single mother home is just as successful as a two parent home. I get so tired of being sorted and put into the little box that everyone out there thinks I should fit in. Given a nice label that makes everyone else feel superior or safe in their own little box. How about we just open our eyes every morning and live, doing the best we can to avoid hurting anyone else.

Absolutely the most ridiculous comment I’ve ever read. Your Mother will NEVER be your Father. Just because you feel your father doesn’t deserve to be celebrated doesn’t mean you get to take the day away from the rest of us. Your mom has a day, it’s called Mother’s Day.

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