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Single moms need gigolos

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Richard Gere Single Mom
richard gere single mom

Aw, Richard, thanks for picking up the kids from daycare. No smoking in the house, though, K? You’re a doll.

If I had a nickel for every time I said, “We don’t whine in this family!” I could afford to hire  gigolo for a few hours. This guy wouldn’t pole dance or get freaky on me. He’d give me a goddamn hug and cook me a reasonably nutritious meal and listen to me go on about everything on my mind. Every brainstorm I’ll stream-of-conscious blab about? The best thing he’s heard all week. He’d smile kindly, appreciatively at my every quip and then ask what he can do around the house to make life easier for me.

The thing is, my gigolo fund isn’t quite vested, and so I need to whine a bit myself to top it off:

I’ve got the single mom blues in the worst way. I’m totally overwhelmed and exhausted and there is no end in sight! While most weeks my kids do stay overnight with their dad once a week, I’ve become jealous and resentful of “healthy” divorced families where both parties work together to support two careers and both parents do their best to be flexible and generous and make life work. I don’t have that. I also don’t have any financial support to run this show. I’m trying to grow my business, but that requires more child care, which would mean less time with my kids and I just can’t make that jump. I’m stuck and I’m resentful. I need more time, and I need a break. But there isn’t a spouse or an ex-spouse readily available to help make that happen.

This weekend my SMILF BFF Morghan and I took our kids away to the Pocono Mountains for a couple of days. It was  break, sure, but it was also a lot of work. More work than it was fun. I can’t shake the full-body ache that comes with this stress-induced flu I’ve had for more than a week. I’m behind on work, my kids are now sick, it seems everything in my life is being accomplished half-assed and I’m a grump. I snapped at my kids when they don’t sit up to the table when asked, and I snapped at the neighbor when she stood in my way. When we got home, the lonely cat kept curling around my legs — one more being that needs me.

Times like these I remind myself that there are plenty of happily married moms who are equally overwhelmed – their husbands often away on business or working long hours. There are other married moms, the ones with crappy husbands who don’t care, or the moms who fill with rage when their spouse walks in the room — symptoms of run-off-the-mill marriages gone sour.

And now that my whine fund is full, I’m going to call that gigolo and get my giant hug. And he will take my kids for a few hours and maybe they’ll do something fun and educational, but honestly, as long as they come back in one piece with their noses wiped, I’m good. And maybe during those hours I’ll take a nap or work out or catch up on work. Or maybe I’ll just chill out and stop feeling so goddamned sorry for myself.

  1. Stacy Dymalski
    Stacy Dymalski02-19-2013

    I hear ya, sister. I’m in the same boat, except that I have sole custody of my two kids. My husband never takes them overnight, and sees them only a couple of times a month. However, they are teenagers, so I don’t have to get a sitter when I want to leave them alone, which is a huge help. In any case, I find that the occasional whine, accompanied by a glass of wine, is therapeutic. Especially if I can enlist my girlfriends to join me.

  2. Emma
    Emma02-19-2013

    Stacy – I knew I would hear from sole custody moms and I’m glad you gave me a reality check. I like your style.

  3. Honoree Corder
    Honoree Corder02-19-2013

    My ex didn’t see my daughter for years. I eventually hired “a wife” (who I affectionately called my “life partner”). Cut yourself some slack and know it won’t always be like this. You’ll grow your business just fine. Perhaps call a great coach you know (ahem) who would be more than happy to help you strategize how to do it a litter faster. One who hugs.

  4. Emma
    Emma02-19-2013

    Honoree you are so funny. And wise.

  5. Tiffany
    Tiffany02-21-2013

    I LOVE your version of the gigolo! I’ll take one too, please!!!
    I completely understand your feelings, as my kids’ Dad spends a couple hours 1-2 times a week (unless he’s in the middle of a new business project he can’t leave). Considering I know what that “business project” turned out to be last time… but that’s not the point…
    Being a fabulous single Mom is hard work-and it’s not our only work-so how could we be anything but whiny from time to time?! I’m sorry you’re going through this whiny period, but it does make me feel better to hear that I’m not alone. We’re on Day 2 of snow day sleepovers at our house and while I did get a “Best Mom Ever”-I’m wiped out and thinking my classroom is much less exhausting;)
    Thanks for always speaking honestly!

  6. edeananda
    edeananda03-19-2013

    Hope you guys have knocked the illness back out of your lives.
    I like the cut of your jib Emma! Thank you for sharing your journey with us

  7. Emma
    Emma03-20-2013

    Thank you Edea!

    • sunny
      sunny01-22-2014

      if u want , i can marry with u, i m only 22 years old n virgin..

  8. Karl Anderson
    Karl Anderson11-11-2013

    Hello everyone, my name’s Karl. I’m a gigolo. You know, it’s funny all of my clients are absolutely gorgeous and they can’t find a real man today. So the problem is the way guys act today. A lot of my clients are married and can’t stand their husband because he cares more about the football game or even video games!

    A lot of people think that gigolos are all about sex, and its not. It’s more about a human connection, talking, laughing, and just having fun. I’ve had a client that just wanted to curl up in bed and watch movies.

    If your lonely give me a call. I work within a few hours of New York City.
    203 644 7890

    • Emma
      Emma11-12-2013

      Hi Karl – so glad you wrote. That is what sex is, anyway, right? All about connectivity? Women and men need it in different ways. You provide a valuable service. Thank you on behalf of lonely women everywhere!

      • sunny
        sunny01-22-2014

        i want to give you gigolo services..

  9. Mark
    Mark01-02-2014

    Hello Lady’s

    I’m Mark and I would like to start as a gigolo, but to start is very difficult.
    Where do you find your first clients , and how and when is the time you say you’re gigalo.
    I find that I am very good with women, and I treat them respectfully , I know gigolo is not just about sex, but the whole picture.
    I can cook and I do not mind to cleaning, shopping is no problem for me, even find it fun.
    Any idea how to approach this?

    Friendly greetings Mark

  10. aryan
    aryan01-27-2014

    i want to gigolo job pls i needed job cal me own my no. 8588934618

  11. sachin
    sachin01-30-2014

    any women contact me..

  12. Ronnie thomas
    Ronnie thomas03-12-2014

    Hello I am also a gigolo and I have a lot of clients that just want someone for companionship just to have someone there to talk to and to go out and eat dinner with it is not all about sex. I am available any time in North Carolina tronnie97@yahoo.com