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Match.com is synonymous with dating websites as Kleenex is to tissues. It launched back in 1995, making it one of the first modern dating websites in its time. But since it came on the scene, so many dating websites and apps have cropped up making us wonder if Match.com still holds up.

Read below to find out what you need to know about Match, or get started with a free version of Match.com now >>

Bianca's personal experience with Match.com

How Match.com works

How much Match.com costs

• Bronze
• Silver
• Platinum

Is Match.com a safe dating site?

Does Match have fake profiles?

Pros of using Match.com

• There are over 8 million matches worldwide
• The majority of people on here are looking for serious relationships
• Match.com can offer a personalized dating experience
• They have their Match Guarantee
• Match Events
• Their emphasis on compatibility

Cons of using Match.com

• You need to buy a subscription in order to fully use it
• Canceling your membership might be difficult
• User experience is unclear
• Might not be suitable for hookups

Match.com reviews

• Match.com reviews on the Better Business Bureau
• Match.com reviews on Trustpilot
• Match.com reviews on Reddit

Match vs. eharmony:

Other Match alternatives

Bottom line: Is Match.com worth it?

Or, check our roundup of the top online dating apps and sites for single parents, including our No. 1 recommendation: eharmony, which only admits users interested in serious, long-term relationships.

Bianca's take: Is Match worth paying for?

Match makes it hard for anyone with a free subscription to interact with others on the app. To make your time worthwhile, you need to buy a plan. However, many Match.com reviews suggest that the website isn’t worth the money, stating that they weren’t meeting quality people and that they had trouble canceling their subscription plans. Of course, every user’s experience is different, and factors like location, age, and gender may affect it.

Despite their best efforts, Match.com's UX and brand is dated. I strongly feel like the dating app and site could use a brand refresh to appeal to younger users. I don’t like the idea of paying for a dating app when other great apps allow you to meet singles for free.

However, because of the sheer number of people on the site thanks to the fact that it has a lot of brand recognition, and depending on where you live, it may be worth giving Match.com a chance.

How Match.com works

Users create a profile on Match.com and then set their dating preferences, including gender and age range. You also have to answer a five-minute questionnaire about yourself that touches upon interests, hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a partner. When it comes to your dating preferences and interests, you can also rate how important they are to you.

Once your profile is complete, it’s time to get matching! Users can find matches by swiping or looking through their interest pages. When swiping, you’re only shown one profile at a time, allowing you to really focus on that individual user. When you skip a profile, Match takes that into account and ensures that every profile that comes your way is compatible with your interests.

When clicking the “interests” page, you’ll find lots of interaction between other Match.com users; you can like or give someone a “wink” (a more flirtatious like) by having them swipe on your profile first. With Match, you can also send direct messages to other users without having to swipe at them.

Here are a couple of conversations I started:

Match.com cost

Match.com is free to sign up for, but there’s not much you can do without paying for a plan. Below is a breakdown of the costs as of September 2025 of the standard versus the premium plan and the features that come with it:

Bronze

• $6.66/month for three months
• $4.99/month for six months
• $3.32/month for 12 months

What you’ll get:

• Unlimited Rewinds
• Send unlimited Likes

Silver

• $27.99/month for three months
• $16.99/month for six months
• $10.99/month for 12 months

What you’ll get:

• See who likes you
• Unlimited Rewinds
• Send unlimited Likes

Platinum

• $42.99/month for three months
• $26.99/month for six months
• $20.99/month for 12 months

What you’ll get:

• View message read receipts
• See who’s subscribed
• See who’s viewed your profile
• See who likes you
• Unlimited Rewinds
• Send unlimited Likes

Match.com also offers “Boosts” — a feature that allows your profile to appear on their “Discover” page or as a “top suggestion” for one hour. Prices start at $3.00 for 10 credits.

Is Match.com a safe dating site?

Match.com is as safe as any other dating app. Like with most dating apps, you have the option to verify your Match profile by connecting it to your social media.

Other dating apps under Match Group Inc. (like Tinder and Hinge) are taking extra steps with safety. Match Group Inc. announced a partnership with Garbo (a female non-for-profit background checking platform) to run low-cost and fair background checks for users who sign up. In addition, Match Group Inc. is also working with the safety company Noonlight to create new features to alert emergencies among users. Right now these features will only be available for Tinder, but if successful other dating websites and apps under the Match Group Inc. might follow suit.

Match prohibits anyone who’s been labeled a registered sex offender, or who has been convicted or pleaded no contest to a felony, violent, or sexual crime.

Like with other dating apps, it’s important to be cautious about who you’re meeting. If you ever see anything inappropriate or suspicious on Match, report it.

Before you meet up in person, you may want to do a background check. You can run your date's name through a site like TruthFinder, which will pull all online public records on the person and compile them into an easy-to-read report.

And while you're at it, learn more about dating red flags in general.

Does Match have fake profiles?

Unfortunately, a common complaint among Match.com reviews is the number of fake profiles on the site. In 2019, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), sued Match Group Inc. for using fake profiles to trick users into buying paid subscriptions. Since news broke, Match Group Inc. has been making efforts to regain users’ trust, including launching an advertising campaign that takes a stand against fake accounts. According to Match Group Inc.’s website, there’s a dedicated team that helps detect and prevent scams from happening.

While Match.com is making efforts to stop fake profiles from appearing on their site, it’s important as a user to be aware and cautious while you’re making connections. Always report any profile that looks suspicious.

What are the pros of using Match.com?

There are over 8 million matches worldwide

Match.com reports to have the largest database of single users. Because it’s been around for so long, you’ll find a broad range of users from different generations finding love. You can even use your profile on their sister sites to find even more matches.

The majority of people on here are looking for serious relationships

Because you have to pay for a subscription plan to use the app to the fullest, people have this idea that the users on Match.com are serious about finding relationships (However, anyone can sign up regardless of what you’re looking for.)

It also might skew older (which makes sense, since there are a lot of newer, modern dating apps on the market). I had two friends who signed up years ago and said it was hard to find anyone around their age (they were 23 years old, so that was probably why). One Match.com review on Reddit says they found more quality matches on site.

If you're over 40, you may also have more luck meeting people in person.

Into older men? Do’s and don’ts for dating an older man

Match.com can offer a personalized dating experience

Unlike other dating apps, you set up multiple custom searches on Match to find your well…match! Taking advantage of this helps weed out any people who may not be a good fit romantically.

They have their Match Guarantee

New users get to participate in the “Match Dating Guarantee” program: you’ll get a six-month free membership, and if you don’t meet anyone during that window, Match.com will refund you. If they don’t meet anyone, Match.com will refund your first six months.

Match Events

Something unique to Match.com is their “Match Events” which allows users to meet and connect IRL. The way a Match Event works is that registered users can propose a group activity to Match.com and share it with other members in your area. 

Their emphasis on compatibility

You know how when you compare dating apps with friends, it always feels like you’re getting served the same people? Match.com offers a more personalized approach: It takes your preferences and assigns a percentage when you match with other users. They also offer “reverse matching” where you can match with people who are also looking for your specific interests.

What are the cons of using Match.com?

No dating app is without its issues. Below are the biggest cons of Match.com:

You need to buy a subscription in order to fully use it

With some dating apps, you can have a pleasant experience using the free version. With Match.com you barely have an experience. Buying a subscription is the only way to get access to all of Match.com’s features. This can be costly for people who don’t have the budget to pay for a dating website. When I spoke with friends on their thoughts on Match.com, they said having to pay was the reason they never tried it.

14 examples of good dating profiles (and advice for what to say in your bio), and how to pick profile pics.

Canceling your membership might be difficult

A lot of Match reviewers complain about how they’re still getting charged by Match months after canceling their membership. And while they’ve been contacting Match.com’s support team, their customer service seems to be non-existent.

User experience is unclear

In a Reddit/datingoverthirty subthread, one user goes into detail about his experience, stating that user experience at Match was confusing; (some user elements (like the heart button) would randomly disappear. He also pointed out that you can’t read messages until you buy a subscription and once it expires, all your matches disappear. I'm currently trying to reactivate my account and despite resetting my password (as they asked me to), I still can't get in.

Might not be suitable for hookups

While Match.com is open to everyone who wants to just make a connection with others, most people are on it to find love. However, some angry customers say the dating pool isn’t any different from what you might find on other dating apps (despite having to pay). However, be mindful that everyone’s experiences on dating sites are different, and it can depend based on where you live, your age, and what you’re looking for.

Match.com reviews

Match.com reviews on the Better Business Bureau

Match.com is not accredited or rated by the BBB. Customer reviewers gave it 1.08 out of five stars. The majority of reviews complain about the auto-renewal and their difficulty canceling their membership.

Match.com reviews on Trustpilot

Match.com’s U.S. site has a poor rating on Trustpilot with just 1.3 out of 5 stars. Most reviews complain about the number of fake profiles, lack of customer service, and how Match continued to charge them months after canceling.

However, one Trustpilot reviewer gave the dating site five stars because he met his partner, proving that Match.com does indeed work. (It also shows how people who haven’t had luck on this app are quick to write a negative review.)

Match.com reviews on Reddit

There are also numerous threads on Reddit discussing Match.com. What most users say is that the cost of Match.com isn’t worth the experience. A common thing that’s been said is that users find from other people’s experiences that either they find a match in one week or they’re months on the site and aren’t able to find anyone. 

All these reviews should be taken with a grain of salt, considering that most people write reviews based on negative experiences.

Has anyone had success with match.com?
byu/ronin_cse indatingoverthirty

My six months with Match.com. A complete break down of their services
byu/globalghost66 indatingoverthirty

Thoughts on Match.com…anyone else have this experience?
byu/the_twilight_drone indatingoverthirty

Match vs. eharmony:

eharmony has always been compared to Match. In fact, both sites are known as the OG dating sites. eharmony differs from Match.com primarily because of its history of focusing on serious relationships. Their compatibility quiz stands out from the other dating sites, plus they have a strict verification process to ensure a safe dating experience.

Match is a broad dating platform, serving all kinds of daters, from those seeking something casual to serious ones. One of the biggest challenges facing online daters is knowing whether or not the profiles they interact with are real. In 2019, the FTC sued the owners of Match Group, Inc. owners of Match.com, Tinder, OKCupid, and PlentyOfFish, for using fake profiles to lure new customers into upgrading their free memberships to paid subscriptions. 

In contrast, eharmony vets their members with ID verification tools to prove they are who they say, beginning with not being married, and routinely closes suspicious accounts. After providing peace of mind, eharmony then curates potential matches for their members using a detailed compatibility quiz, saving time from having to scroll through endless, unviable options.

On Match, you choose your dating preferences (including gender and age range), build your profile, and choose your subscription plan. The dating profile for Match is very comprehensive. A user can find matches either by swiping or through the “Discover” page, which helps users create customized searches and explore new profiles.

Match.com has a new Premium Match Plan with access to a yearly review of your profiles from Match staff experts, a monthly “boost” to increase the number of people who see your profile, and email read notifications.

Dollar for dollar, Match costs less than eharmony. That said, you get what you pay for: the major difference between the two sites is that Match is a general dating platform intended for all kinds of dating and eharmony focuses on serious, long-term dating, increasing your chances of finding your ideal match.

Do you want your dating site to check for marital status and cheaters? eharmony provides that service, Match does not. eharmony has an A BBB rating; Match is not registered. To that end, eharmony offers features such as its compatibility quiz to curate matches. For the prospective user who is actively seeking a serious, long-term relationship, eharmony is worth the extra money.

Other Match alternatives

Interested in checking out other dating sites and apps? Here are some dating app reviews:

Bottom line: Is Match.com worth it?

If you’re willing to pay, Match.com could be a good option for a dating website, especially if you’re looking for something long-term. Otherwise, there are other great dating apps like eharmony.

When your relationship or marriage ends, it’s natural to crave the companionship (and sex) you recently lost and to want to fill that void. Sometimes a fun affair, friend with benefits, or hookup is just what the heart needs.

However, when you’re simultaneously healing from a broken relationship, your judgment may not be 100% sound. You might be more likely to quickly develop feelings for someone before you really get to know them, just because it feels good to be with someone new.

This is called a rebound relationship.

Rebound relationships often get a bad rap, but they don’t have to be a bad thing, as long as you recognize them for what they are (or can be) — a way to get back in the dating game and shake off some of the lingering feelings of your past relationship.

Here's what you should know about rebound relationships:

What is a rebound relationship?

Is the first relationship after divorce always a rebound?

• How do I know if it’s a rebound relationship?

What are the stages of a rebound relationship?

1. Elation and infatuation.
2. Constant comparison to your ex and your previous relationship — good and bad both.
3. Devastating heartbreak that feels like it will never fucking end.
4. Eventually, you get over the heartbreak and move on. It might seem impossible now, but you will feel better.

What are the characteristics of rebound relationships?

• Being the new girlfriend after divorce
• Being the new boyfriend after divorce
• Why do rebound relationships feel like love?
• Are rebound relationships good or bad?
• Do rebound relationships actually work? 
• Can you fall in love after a divorce?
• Why rebound relationships fail

How long do rebound relationships last?

• Signs a rebound relationship is ending
• Emma’s personal experience — how I understood my rebound relationship and got over it

What is a rebound relationship?

A rebound relationship is one where people start dating quickly after the end of a previous relationship. Typically, it is understood that a rebound relationship is not built for the long-term.

Kevin Coleman, a marriage and family therapist and owner of Connected Therapy in Columbia, S.C., says people usually jump into a rebound relationship without taking time to discern whether they're ready for another relationship.

“Usually, they are still in the middle of processing and grieving their previous relationship, but they turn to their rebound relationship to distract themselves from their last relationship,” Coleman says. 

Is the first relationship after divorce always a rebound?

Rebound relationships are a real, and necessary thing. There has to be a first for everything — including a post-divorce relationship!

I think what you're asking is: Is the first relationship after a divorce doomed to end? Can the first relationship after divorce work? Will my new relationship after my divorce last forever and ever?

Technically, the first relationship after your divorce is, in fact, a rebound relationship. Some rebound relationships end in flames, while others last for eternity.

How do I know if it’s a rebound relationship?

If you were in a relationship that ended relatively recently, or the person has not dated since the divorce or breakup, it is likely a rebound relationship. If the connection is white-hot and insane, it is definitely a rebound relationship.

Lots of stories about rebound relationships after divorce in movies and TV shows.

What are the stages of a rebound relationship?

Generally, there are two main phases of a rebound relationship:

1. Elation and infatuation.

In this first phase of rebound relationships, you likely feel so damned happy to feel a connection, be touched, have sex and be cared for. You had felt like you would never feel that spark, or that anyone would be attracted to you — and now both are actually happening! It is amazing! You were wrong about all the bad things and this gives you hope for everything you could ever imagine!

The glee can be so intense you feel like it is love. It could turn into love eventually — but it absolutely is not love right now. Trust me on this. You are not in love.

2. Constant comparison to your ex and your previous relationship — good and bad both.

Imagine that you ate rice and beans every single day for your whole life. The only food memory you have is of rice and beans, and because everyone you ever knew only ate R&B, and the only food available in your universe was rice and beans, to you, food was rice and beans. Maybe you loved rice and beans and were cool with this, but maybe you hated rice and beans and craved something else.

And then one day you eat a cantaloupe. All you would do was drool in wonder over this cantaloupe. Compare cantaloupe to rice and beans. Your mind is fucking blown. Cantaloupe, cantaloupe, cantaloupe. Sweet, juicy, pretty color, creamy texture.

But you’d also start to wonder if you were going to die because cantaloupe doesn’t have protein and you sorta missed rice and beans. It’s complicated. They’re both good. You like both (though cantaloupe is better) bit you get confused sometimes. Sometimes you are sure that your life is 1,000X better now that you have cantaloupe. But sometimes a bowl of R&B would be good — for old times. Rice and beans wasn’t so bad, right? Then you remember that one time with rice and beans and you’re not really sure.

3. Devastating heartbreak that feels like it will never fucking end.

Or, you stay together more or less happily with your new dude — though relationships are usually complicated, especially at this late stage now that everyone is so wounded.

4. Eventually, you get over the heartbreak and move on. It might seem impossible now, but you will feel better.

How to comfort someone: 9 things to text or say

Learn more about how to tell if you are in a toxic relationship.

What are the characteristics of rebound relationships?

Dragomir says rebound relationships often have some or all of the following characteristics:

• Start quickly after the end of a previous relationship
• Involve two people who may not be emotionally ready to be in a relationship
• Often based on physical attraction and infatuation, rather than true love or trust
• Often involve intense emotions and can be turbulent and short-lived
• Can be painful when they end abruptly

These are some things you should know about rebound relationships: 

Being the new girlfriend after divorce

If you are the first person your man dated after (or during!) his divorce, here are some unique challenges you may face:

• Jealousy from his crazy-ass ex-wife
• Jealousy from his understandably hurt ex-wife
• Adjustments from his kids
• Adjustments from his friends and extended family
• Managing his own grief and baggage
• Your own understandable insecurity — Is he on the rebound? Are you being used? Does he still love his wife? Will the kids hate you — and result in you being dumped?

Check out these Reddit threads about being the new girlfriend after divorce: 

Divorcees, how was your first relationship after your separation?
by inDivorce

Rushed relationship after divorce – should I be dating casually instead?
byu/Lea4321 indatingoverthirty

Being the new boyfriend after divorce

If you are dating a woman who has recently divorced, these are some things you may experience:

• Emotional fallout and baggage from the divorce
• Jealousy from her ex spouse
• Struggles of single motherhood (according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 5 of 6 single moms have primary custody of their children), including co-parenting drama
• Her intense feelings early on

These Reddit threads discuss being the new boyfriend after divorce: 

Dating a Divorced Women as a never divorced guy – dealing with the past.
by indatingoverthirty

dating woman who says she is “almost” divorced. Red Flags?
byu/Blu64 inAskMen

Why do rebound relationships feel like love?

When you are in a breakup, you feel an intense romantic connection to your ex — but the energy is negative. You hate your ex.

When you find a rebound relationship, you also feel an intense romantic connection to your new lover — and the energy is so positive! In our culture, we describe an intense, positive romantic energy as love.

That is a fallacy.

Are rebound relationships good or bad?

Rebound relationships are necessary — someone has to be your first relationship and sex after a breakup or divorce, right?

Just don’t fuck up your life for this person, at least not for a good 3 years. Practice:

• Birth control
• Separate residences
• No marriages or commingling finances
• STD checks

Do rebound relationships actually work? 

100% absolutely people fall in real love, marry or otherwise spend many happy decades together with a rebound relationship — or even an affair partner. But there is no reason to jump there. This may be a friend with benefits, short-term lover, hook-up or boyfriend for a few years.

No need to rush.

Can you fall in love after a divorce?

When you are in a breakup, you feel an intense romantic connection to your ex — but the energy is negative. You hate your ex. 

When you find a rebound relationship, you also feel an intense romantic connection to your new lover — and the energy is so positive! In our culture, we describe an intense, positive romantic energy as love.

That is a fallacy.

It can be confusing to determine the difference between love and lust after divorce.

Many marriages that end in divorce were sexless and without emotional bond for years — so a newfound connection and hot sex can muddy the emotional waters in an especially profound way after divorce.

Why rebound relationships fail

Rebound relationships fail because one of you is a hot mess from the previous relationship, not healed, but hungry for emotional connection and likely sex. The new boyfriend or girlfriend got wrapped up by proxy in the intensity of that breakup, confusing it for a future, when instead it was just that: An intense romance.

How long do rebound relationships last after divorce? What the statistics show

A research study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships followed people who recently broke up with a partner. Those that started a new relationship during the study were together for an average of 2 months.

Signs a rebound relationship is ending

First sign: Did you find this article by Googling, “Warning signs it is a rebound relationship?”

Other red flags in relationships:

• Your new partner just broke up from a long-term or intense relationship
• The newly broken up partner stalks his or her ex on social media
• Lots of mentions of the previous relationship
• No real physical intimacy like holding hands, cuddling and connection during sex
• Conversation is light and fun, but not about personal stories, or big goals or efforts to share or understand each other’s worldview
• Bananas-crazy chemistry despite having little in common
• You worry this is a rebound

If you are the person “rebounding” from a relationship, Coleman says these are some signs to look for within yourself: 

• You start noticing the red flags you used to ignore in the new relationship
• You catch yourself thinking about your ex more often than you did at the beginning of the relationship
• You aren’t excited when you picture your relationship in the long term (or you can’t picture it at all)

“The realization phase is when the rebounder can no longer deny that they aren't actually a good fit with their new partner, and they know that they don't want to be with their new partner,” Coleman says.

Emma’s personal experience — how I understood my rebound relationship and got over it

Divorcing people are forced to face the loss of dreams of family life, and what the rest of their life will be like. And there is a ton of fear about all of it.

All this upheaval and stress can leave little room to deal with simple loss of love. When you are contending with a 360-degree life barf, there is scant space to sit quietly and feel the weighty grief of no longer spending nights with a person who you at least once — likely still — loved very much. Not just the absence of somebody. The absence of him.

Which is where the rebound breakup and all its gory hurt come in. If you’re like me, that relationship was just that. Someone who I cared very much about, knew my kids, but was a lover — no more. He was not my partner. We were emotionally, intellectually, sexually intertwined. But our lives were completely separate. We owned nothing together (though I’m still kind of annoyed with myself for never retrieving that La Perla nighty from his apartment, but I’ll live), and did not even share friends. When we broke up, there was nothing to contend with but grief.

Which is another reason why we do not mourn the love for our husbands immediately after divorce. Divorce often comes after months and years of a really unhappy relationship. By the time the four-way lawyers meetings start, you’ve forgotten about the emotional, intellectual and sexual connection you once shared with that man. It was likely missing for a very long time — which is exactly why it is so intoxicating when we find that connection again in a rebound. And, if you’re like me, you consciously appreciate those mutual feelings so very much more — which only adds to the scythe bludgeoning once it falls.

So I called my best friend. I’ve known Kirsten for 20 years, and even though she lives on the other side of the country, we remain very close and she knows all my shit. Kirsten did what a good friend does: she listened. As I talked and sobbed and blubbered and talked some more, it all came out.

Besides the end of my relationship, my mom has been unwell. My mom, who adores my kids second only to their parents. As my children and their needs as people grow, it seems that our circle of people shrinks — and the pressures of being a single mother mount. I am just one person responsible for two human beings. It feels like too much.

“We’ve all watched you over the past few years be so strong and amazing,” Kirsten said. “But I said to myself, ‘I hope this girl can find time to process it all. Because sooner or later, it will catch up with her.’”

It has caught up with me. When my marriage ended years ago, I slipped into survival mode: I jutted my jaw, made sure the kids and my business and the money and the divorce and the house were all in order. Trust me, there were plenty of late night crying fits and trips to therapists and a wonderful support group for loved ones of brain injury victims. But I’m not sure I fully felt the gravity of my loss – our loss. The loss my whole family suffered.

Finally, I recognized that three years’ worth of grief had come knocking. For months after that conversation, I gave myself permission to mourn. Those sad Sundays were committed to indulging the emotion and grief and healing that had eluded me.

Funny thing, how empathy blooms. At bedtime after coming home from her dad’s on Sunday, I laid next to my then-4-year-old daughter in her twin bed. She was riled up after the transition, which is not unusual, but it spiraled into something else. “Why can’t our family be like other families?” she cried. 

I worry I dismiss the grief my kids might feel over the divorce. After all, Lucas wasn’t even born when we separated – Helena not yet 2. “It’s always Helena, Lucas, Daddy — and Mommy separate. Or Helena, Lucas, Mommy — Daddy separate. I want us to be like Eleanor’s family.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. So I held her head in the crook of my neck and listened and let her cry and cry. “Thank you for telling me how you feel,” I said. “It’s important to get it out. Because sooner or later it will catch up with you.”

Life after divorce — 3 things you can do now to move on

How about you? How did you get over your post-divorce rebound? What did you learn from the experience? Share in the comments!

So you’re swiping through online dating profiles and come across your ideal match — attractive, well educated, eye-catching bio, not a mirror selfie in sight. There’s just one thing that stops you from immediately swiping right… this person is a widower. 

What’s it like to date a widower? Will it be complicated? Can this person ever really love me? Are they really ready to date?

John Polo, author of how to date a widow 101 and two other books, had those same questions when his mom tried to set him up with a widow when he was 22 years old. 

Polo couldn’t wrap his head around competing with a former spouse and ultimately decided not to meet her. 

“I’m not competing with a ‘dad’ man,” Polo told her.

Five years later, Polo reunited with his high school sweetheart, Michelle. 

After two years together, Michelle was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer and ultimately passed away at the age of 30. Polo was 31.

“To say that I have changed as a human would be an understatement,” he says. “And to say that the way I see the world has changed, would be the same.”

Are you ready to date a widow?

Living up to the legacy of a former spouse can feel like an insurmountable challenge — especially knowing that in another reality, your partner would probably still be with that person. 

The honest truth is that dating a widower will be complicated. There will likely be pain, good and bad memories, and potentially complicated family dynamics. 

But that doesn’t mean widows are undateable.

If you are dating a widower or thinking about dating a widower, here are some things you should know:

1. They will always love their spouse.
2. Those feelings are not a reflection on you.
3. You have to be patient.
4. Try not to compare yourself to their spouse.
5. Your partner needs room to be open.
6. The loss will always be a part of them.

Dating a widower FAQs

1. They will always love their spouse.

Polo says the love of his late wife and the loss of his late wife will walk with him for the rest of his life. 

That doesn’t mean, however, that a widower will love someone new any less.

“Yes, we can love deeply again. Very deeply,” Polo says. 

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“I dated a widow (and I am a widow). Be prepared to see things still around the house that reflect the passed spouse. I don’t think you can be jealous and date a widow. My BF still had pictures of the wife all over the house. Be prepared for family/friends to disapprove.” — Bethany

2. Those feelings are not a reflection on you.

About a year ago, Polo made this social media post to explain how a widower might approach a new relationship:

“My wife was AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. But the truth is she is not the only amazing woman to ever be born. As I hope to fall in love again one day, I don’t compare new love interests to her. That would be a disservice to them. To me. AND to her. She was 1 in 7 billion. Just as I am. Just as you are. There will never be another Michelle. Just as there will never be another John. Or another “John and Michelle.” When looking for love again, I’m not looking for another Michelle. I’m simply looking to find another human, whom I adore.”

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“Know they will bring up fond memories of places or things that remind them. That there is enough love to keep our dead spouse in our heart and someone new. That we might be scared to get too attached at first in fear of losing them too. I lost my husband when my son was just 6 months old. So the thought of spending time away from him to date is anxiety causing. I need someone flexible that can understand that my son comes first.” — Ellen

3. You have to be patient.

Nancy Landrum, MA, author, and relationship coach, is a widow whose second husband was a widow. She says coming from a similar place helped her understand her partner’s grief. 

“On a few dates when his energy was low, I didn't take it personally,” Landrum says. “I understood that it had been less than a year since Jim's wife of 22 years had passed, and some days, he just missed her.”

Landrum recognized that cycling in and out of missing the past relationship is a normal part of the grieving process.

“I gave him time to move through the grieving process at a speed that was needed so that he could emotionally close the door on his love for his first wife and be able to give his whole heart to me,” she says.

She says the friendship she and her husband built in the first few months of dating was the very best foundation for their remarriage. 

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“There’s a big disparity between moving on and moving forward. No one simply stops loving our late spouses. We make room to love again. Triggers will happen, without warning — it’s uncomfortable and feels like a giant herd of elephants sitting on our chest.” — Lana 

4. Try not to compare yourself to their spouse.

Polo says it is a widow’s responsibility to get to a place where they do not compare potential partners to their late spouse. As someone who is dating a widower, it is also your responsibility not to compare.

“Standing on your own two feet and being the best version of yourself that you can be is always the best approach,” he says. 

While it’s normal and human to be uncertain or even insecure about dating a widower, Polo offers this very raw perspective: 

“As a widowed person, our person died. They are dead. They are not coming back. It’s not like they are an ex of ours who lives a few miles away.” 

His advice?

Communicate about your insecurities in a kind, caring, and loving way. Any sign of jealousy can be extremely off-putting to a widowed person.

“Don’t show any jealousy if there are pictures of the family with the other spouse,” Polo says. “It’s important for the children and doesn’t mean they care any less for you.” 

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“It takes a long time to heal from losing the person you thought you’d spend your life with. Also, try not to judge if compared to the deceased. Again, it takes a long time to unlearn habits/familiarity.” — Kate

5. Your partner needs room to be open.

Polo says that while you should never push the widower to speak about their late spouse or the loss in general, the more you give that person the space to do so, the more they will appreciate you. 

“And if we’re being honest, the more he will fall for you, as well,” Polo says. “There is something just so beautiful about any human opening the door for us to speak about our lost loved ones, but especially when the person we are now dating opens that door for us to speak about our deceased partners.”

He says speaking positively about the late spouse can also go a long way. 

Landrum says dating a widower requires empathy and acceptance. She recommends following the other person’s lead: 

“I looked for his willingness to create a new future, whether it was with me or someone else.”

While you can comfort your partner, remember, you are not their therapist. If your partner needs help to cope with a loss, they might benefit from therapy.

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“My two best friends were married and the husband was killed in a car accident when their baby was 5 months old. Her new husband has been nothing short of incredible. They've had a second child. He adopted her first child. They all have the same last name now, which includes the deceased husband's last name. And every year for Thanksgiving, they host the deceased husband's family. The deceased husband's father walked my friend down the aisle for her second marriage. It is one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. There is no jealousy or having to choose. Only love and support and inclusivity.” — Tricia

6. The loss will always be a part of them.

Another important thing to remember about dating a widower is that the pain of the past never truly goes away, even if the widow finds someone new who makes them happy. 

“As widowed people, we live in a society where many act like once we find love again, we should be ‘good to go,’ Polo says. “That’s just not how it works, though.”

Polo says just as the love of his late spouse changed him, so did her passing — but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. 

“I am a kinder, more loving and more caring person today than ever before,” Polo says. “The ability to enjoy life more, after realizing just how short and precious it can be, is something that is now my truth.” 

But Polo says that the pain, trauma and loss he endured will not magically go away no matter what level of inner-peace he obtains or happiness he is able to find. He offers this comparison: 

“Imagine a parent who loses a child, and then has another child. They are going to love that second child with all of their heart. All of it. But the pain of losing that first child is also going to walk with them.”

Real-life advice from a widow:  

“While yes we may tend to put the dead spouse on a pedestal, there is often A LOT more going on for a widow…reassessing priorities, money, protecting kids, family/community dynamics, a need to find a cause to channel what you’ve learned/give back. I would say, be willing to acknowledge, embrace, even support the presence of those dynamics. If you find yourself judging/resisting them, it’s best for you to move on. On the other hand, a widow knows how precious life and you ARE. She’s going to really appreciate the right person for her.” — Kate

Into older men? Do’s and don’ts for dating an older man

Dating a widower FAQs:

What do I need to know about dating a widower?

Polo says these are the basic things to know about dating a widower: 

• They are always going to love their spouse. Always. 
• That love is NOT a reflection in any way, shape, or form of the feelings they have (or will develop) for you.
• That love does not mean they will love you less.
• Widows can love again, just as deeply as they once did. 

“We don’t expect you to always get it,” Polo says. “In fact, we know that there is no way for you to always get it. We do, however, expect you to try, to be loving and caring.” 

He says it’s important to allow a widow to speak about their late partner and have the space to keep their memory alive. 

“Doing so will not in any way, shape or form take away from what we have,” Polo says. “If anything, it will simply make us adore you that much more.”

How long should a widow wait before dating?

There really is no set amount of time a widow should wait before dating because no one grieves in the exact same way. Polo implores people to reject the idea that there is an “acceptable” amount of time a widow should refrain from dating. 

“Each of us is unique, and creating a ‘they shouldn’t date for a year’ rule for all widowed people can be a very slippery slope,” Polo says. 

He says some widows are ready to date within a few months, and some will never date again. 

“The choice is so incredibly personal, and each person’s loss and grief are so incredibly different, just as their desire to date again, or not date again, is different,” Polo says. 

Why is dating a widower so hard?

Amanda Rose, CEO and founder of Prestige Connections, a matchmaking service with locations across the U.S., says it can be harder to date a widower than someone who has gone through a divorce or breakup for several reasons: 

• Widow didn't choose to end the relationship
• Traumatic ending of the relationship can make it harder to move on
• Widow may have been with their spouse for a long time and created a full life together

“It's hard for the widow to move forward and start a life with someone new because they're so used to a certain way of living with a partner,” Rose says. 

The widower may also put unrealistic expectations of their former spouse on the new partner — maybe even unintentionally — which can put unhealthy pressure on the relationship.

“I've worked with widows that have been single for 5+ years, and they still compare current potential partners with their former spouse,” Rose says. “It creates a disconnect with the new partner because they feel like they have to live up to the former spouse, and that's just not fair to the new partner.”

Rose says it's crucial for a widower to seek deep healing after a spouse's death before they decide to date again. That includes learning how to separate the expectations of the new partner from the old partner. 

Polo says it’s normal and human to compare ourselves to others, but what we do with those comparisons is key. 

“Not living in the land of comparisons should definitely be the goal we all strive for,” he says.

He says that while dating a widower can be very hard, but it can also be amazing. His advice? Keep an open mind. 

“Do not assume anything just because they are widowed, but rather look at the individual for who they are before making an assessment,” Polo says. 

He says for every widowed person who is ready to love again, there is a widowed person who is not ready to love again. The same can be said for whether a widow is a good partner or a toxic partner.

Dating a single parent? 5+ challenges you need to know

What percentage of widows remarry?

According to Pew Research data, about 64% of men and 52% of women who were widowed remarry.

Interested in exploring dating? This is our overview of best dating sites for single parents, and here is a run-down on Christian, Jewish and spiritual dating sites.

If you are a widow looking to find love again — or just looking for love, period — we recommend eharmony for meaningful, long-term relationships. Here’s why: 

• A- Better Business Bureau rating
• The only major dating app devoted specifically to serious partnership
• One of the largest dating apps of its kind — over 2 million people have found love on eharmony (the larger the dating pool, the greater the chance of love)
• Free basic plan
• Vetted profiles (to make sure you’re talking to a real, unmarried person)
• According to a study, couples on eharmony are more likely to get married and less likely to get divorced compared to other online dating sites

Check out our eharmony review here.