Respectable sources of money in an emergency — like divorce

 

I hear from women all the time who are in really rotten marriages. Maybe you are one of them. Maybe you are being physically or emotionally abused and need to get out for your own safety. Sometimes the guy is just a giant dick and it’s taking its toll on your mental health. Perhaps you are just unhappy, unloved and for reasons that you don’t need to explain to anyone, you need to get out.

But you tell me, “I can’t leave because I don’t have any money.” Maybe you don’t have your own checking account to get an apartment, or a lawyer, or support your kids. Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom and don’t have a source of your income — or you lost your job and depend on your crappy husband.

But you need to get out.

You don’t have that $5,000 emergency fund every woman should have. And you don’t have a credit card or savings account in your name — or maybe you do and it is tied up in courts — frozen until the divorce is settled.

But you need to get out.

Some of you could stay with family or friends. Or maybe you can take a personal loan from someone you know. But that is not the best option for everyone — or even an option at all.

Or maybe you have left that bad marriage, but he isn’t paying child support, or the court date to settle your assets is months away and you need to pay the mortgage and child care. Or maybe you need some cash now so you can get a certificate degree or buy a few decent interview outfits so you can get a job and get on your feet already.

Bottom line: You need cash really badly, now.

Getting into debt is not always a great idea. But it is not a horrible idea, either. After all, most people finance their homes, cars and educations. Personally, I have not carried a personal credit card balance since I was in my early 20s. But for the past year I have had a 0% business credit card to grow my business — most businesses have debt, often taken as a small business loan or line of credit.

Here are four solid options for personal loans. Personal loans can be a better option than credit cards because rates tend to be lower. Approval can also be a little tougher, which might be  a good thing if you have a history of taking on too much debt. Remember: This is not money for a new TV, or sexy shoes, a boob job or cute clothes for your kids because you need a pick-me-up.

This is an emergency fund to help you get out of a really bad, bad situation.

I personally researched the sources listed here as some of the most reputable in the market. Full disclosure, I do get paid if you chose to take some of these loans. But I would not suggest this as an option if I did not think it was a sound choice for some people. Choose carefully, use it wisely and share in the comments how this cash infusion changed your life. 

LendingClub is a site that connects people who need loans with people and institutions with money. Plug in your information, including what you need the money for and your credit score, and LendingClub will determine what interest rate and credit limit you qualify for, and present it to investors. The process takes about 20 minutes and approval as little as 5 days.
Loan size: Up to $35,000
Terms: Fixed 6.78% to 29.99% for either 3 or 5 years
Approval: The application takes 5 minutes, loan posting an additional 15 minutes, and approval can be as quick as 5 days.
Catch: One-time origination fee of up to 5%.

Prosper Very similar to LendingClub, Prosper is a peer-to-peer loan program. Both programs are unsecured, fixed loans.
Loan size: $2,000 to $35,000
Terms: Fixed 6.73% to 35.36% for either 3 or 5 years
Approval: The application takes 5 minutes, loan posting an additional 15 minutes, and approval can be as quick as 4 days.
Catch: Again, a 5% origination fee. Generally requires a credit score of 640 or higher. Consider running applications at both LendingClub and Prosper to compare terms. Also, neither program is available in all states.

LightStream offers no-fee, unsecured “AnythingLoans.”  The program, a subset of SunTrust Bank, can be used for nearly any personal use. Unsecured means these loans are not backed by your personal collateral (say, your house or car) — but they do require a credit score of at least 750. But this can be a great option if you have solid credit.
Loan size: Up to $100,000
Terms: Rates start at 1.99%, and go up to 9.99% with autopay based on terms and use of the loan, which can be for 24 to 84 months.
Approval: Approved borrowers can fund loans on the same business day as they complete the application.
Catch: While this may sound too good to be true, you do need to have very good credit — usually in the high 700s — and some personal assets. Also, LightStream loans cannot be used for business purposes.

AvantCredit is an option if your credit score is low, though they offer unsecured loans for all credit scores.
Loan size: $1,000 to $20,000
Terms: Rates can be high, averaging around 40%, for 12 to 48 months.
Approval: The application takes minutes and funds can be deposited as soon as the next day.
Bonus: No fees and the site lets you check your credit score as part of the free application. Better than a payday loan.
Catch: Pay attention to those rates.

 

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15 thoughts on “Respectable sources of money in an emergency — like divorce

    1. GREAT question. A few tips:
      – Do you have a credit card or other line of credit?
      -If yes, try to keep your balances at less than 30% of the max, and take steps to paying it off — this might mean consolidating your debt or working with a debt management organization.
      -If not, get a card — any kind of card — and pay it regularly and ON TIME.
      -Don’t close any cards you already have.

  1. “Sometimes the guy is just a giant dick and it’s taking its toll on your mental health. Perhaps you are just unhappy, unloved and for reasons that you don’t need to explain to anyone, you need to get out.”

    Perhaps he’s a giant dick because he’s tired of her shit: spending all the money he earns while she doesn’t bother to work or jumps jobs because she’s “not happy”? He goes out and works his arse off while she insists on having that bad boy FWB on the side? Perhaps before jumping to a divorce, as wives do 70 to 90% of the time, she should take a good look at herself, her own failings in the marriage, her own failings as a human being, and start improving herself. Her husband might take notice and become a much kinder, and less tired of her shit. Then, her kids might still remain in an intact home where they will have a lot more opportunity to thrive, and then her kids won’t be a burden she schleps into a relationship with some Poindexter where the cycle just continues again (because she might be the real problem, and not her “dick” of a husband).

    I believe the 70 to 90% of wives who initiate divorces do so because they feel “unhappy”, “unloved”, or have an illogical “reason” because they believed in some fairy tale they learned as kids, and when the magic wedding day is over the reality hits that marriage is one tough slog. I once read a t-shirt that stated “Marriages don’t fail. Wives fail.” Given that most wives initiate divorce for the silly reasons you mention (abuse, addiction are exceptions and don’t happen near as much as women want to pretend), that t-shirt slogan couldn’t be more true.

    1. Statistics are fluid. I’m the one who filed for divorce in my marriage. Same with some woman I know who had cheating husbands as well. Men are just as much of asshats as women. Your distaste for women is ridiculous.

      1. Well then Marissa, you are in the minority of wives who file for divorce who have justification instead of the very ethereal, open-ended “unhappy, unloved and for reasons that you don’t need to explain to anyone” baloney that causes most women to file for divorce. And I would agree with you that you were correct in doing so when adultery is involved.

        I’m well aware of the potential ass-hattery of men, but 1) Both genders need to pay better attention before they get married and especially have kids with someone 2) Most wives initiate divorce, and not for good reason, 3) When men divorce it is seldom for being “unhappy, unloved and for reasons that you don’t need to explain to anyone” – rather it is usually due to adultery, addiction, and abuse – whereas with most women it is usually the rule to simply “go with your feelings” whether they are based in reality or not. Women’s reliance on their feelings these days makes them unreliable, and ultimately untrustworthy in a long-term relationship

    2. Miss, you need to get out and date more. You will see that many men in our society have become feminized and selfish. Women have been forced to become men as a response.

      1. Beta males are often feminized, and behind most every beta is a single mom who raised him, lied to the sone to demean his father to him at every chance, often kept his father from seeing their son to complete the emasculation, and so now you single moms gripe that many men are feminized when you created the very mess yourselves.

    3. If that’s the case he should sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her about it, at least act like he cares about her as a person, and get her help if it turns out to be an underlying problem she can’t handle by herself. Treating her like shit shows her that he doesn’t care about her, and in my opinion actually is a form of abuse no matter his rationale.

  2. Dear Darth,

    You are indeed stuck in your own “dark side.” But most of my female clients do not have “silly reasons” for the divorce – and frankly, is there really a “silly reason” to get a divorce or is that you substituting your judgment? Telling women that their reason for wanting a divorce is “silly” actually drives a worse situation (on both sides, mind you, because Divorce Guilt can make a case much worse). This article in particular is aimed at wives who are trapped in serious situations.
    Perhaps you would seem more balanced if you acknowledged that it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people are at fault when it fails. “Marriages don’t fail. People fail.”

    1. ” is that you substituting your judgment?” – Spare me. You are commenting to the wrong person if you think the ridiculous “judge not lest you be judged” type sentiments work with me. All of us need to judge people and situations around us to keep ourselves sane and safe. Everyone should “judge” those whom they work with, live with, date, and love in order to set appropriate boundaries and expectations.

      I don’t think too many women suffer true “Divorce Guilt” or there wouldn’t be 70 to 90% of wives filing for divorce. While I would agree a relationship does “take two”, the compelling evidence is that women in marriage make the choice to exit WAY more than the husbands do. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t situations of true – and I emphasize TRUE – cases of abuse, addiction, and adultery that are legit reasons for husband or wife to divorce, but those are seldom the reasons I see today’s modern women divorcing. Instead they divorce because the grass starts to look greener somewhere else and wives simply are indeed “silly” and leave the marriage (Of course, they eventually realize that the grass “on the other side” is just as dirty and brown.)

      I’m the last guy to encourage anyone to get married (mostly because wives are most likely to divorce.) But since you single moms are so hard and heavy to get married again at least have the decency to try to make it last the 2nd time around…..which you won’t since 70% of 2nd marriages fail…and just as large, or larger, a percentage of wives end those.

      What single moms should be doing instead of articles like these encouraging divorce, is encouraging you single, never-married gender in ways to prevent becoming a single mother to begin with. God knows this site has plenty of articles about how single parenthood is difficult, exhausting, financially rough, etc., but instead of providing tools to help other women from getting in a similar mess (like how to find a decent guy to have kids with and then stay committed to the marriage), instead – in articles like these – that single moms say “Be one of us.” as if you, honestly, want every mom to be a single mom.

      1. Hi Darth, in my experience every mom does not want to be a single mom. We would much rather be in two parent families like our parents, grandparents, friends, and our kids’ classmates’ parents. But since it is not possible for some, we have to make the best of it and this web site and others help with ideas for just that.

        I noticed you dismissed women’s feelings as silly. Feelings may be silly to a man, but to a woman they are as fundamental and essential as breathing. A man who dismisses his wife’s feelings is dismissing the entirety of her being. A woman who is so completely unhappy in her marriage is in a downward spiral of mental health issues and bad parenting of her children. Both are so essential to a woman that she will do what she feels she must to protect her mental health and children, including leaving the man who is making things worse by treating her as if she is silly.

  3. Lots of women are sick of men who act like one of the kids. Lots of men get married and fall into that role of needing to be taken care of- we work jobs and still have to do their laundry, take out the trash, rush the kids around, set the appointments, make payments to the bills. A lot of married moms already feel like single moms, but the freedom of getting rid of a husband who doesn’t pull his weight when you’re doing all the work ANYWAY is glorious. So to you, some of these reasons may seem silly, but perhaps some women get sick of putting 80% of the effort into the marriage while their husbands fork out that lame 20%?

    And you can’t blame single moms for weak men. The boys who grew up watching their single moms struggle have a greater respect for women. My husband was raised by a single mom and he helps with the dishes, laundry, kids, cooking, everything. We are partners, and because of that, he will be keeping me around. Thank goodness for his single mother who taught him how to be helpful and compassionate.

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