This single mom did this ONE thing and found a husband in three dates.

Successful Single Mom blogger Honoree Corder giving me the smackdown on why I need a Statement for Dating.

A year ago I met in person for the first time single mom blogger Honoree Corder. We connected when I launched WealthySingleMommy and Honoree took me under her momma blogger wing and was so supportive. So when she visited New York from her home in Austin, we of course had to get together and eat a greasy breakfast and dish. I can’t remember which dating shenanigan I was up to at the moment, but Honoree shared with me her message about creating a “purpose for dating.” This is essentially a mission-statement for your romantic life. By articulating what you want and need helps you hone in on the right thing when you see it — and lets potential partners know what they can expect from you. Shortly after she formulated her own purpose for dating, Honoree met her now-husband.

This all sounded fine, but I wasn’t so sure — especially when Honoree recounted rattling off her own purpose for dating over first meetings with suitors. Um, hello — embarrassing? It all sounded a bit hokey at the time — a time when I was gleefully and heartbreakingly bumbling through the early stages of post-divorce coupling.

But I didn’t completely dismiss Honoree’s advice. It parked itself in the back of my mind, and has been creeping to the front of my mind recently. In fact, I have been consciously chewing on the verbiage for my own purpose for dating — especially after this scene: A mid-40s suitor who knows about my personal journey to divorce and purportedly wanted to seriously date me seriously sat next to me at a bar and asked why I’d been so stressed. I shared about feeling overwhelmed by being the sole financial and main logistic support for a family when he looked me in the eye and said: “You need to marry a rich, old guy.” I was so hurt that I choked up, right there at the bar, sipping my IPA. 

I continued to stew about that statement over the next weeks. Why did it irritate me so? Why did that hurt so bad? It killed, I realized, because he believed that I needed to be taken care of financially but did not deserve someone who is of any other value to me — reducing me to nothing but a pathetic stereotype. My date did not value what I’ve accomplished or the pride I take in being independent and successful. He did not care for me for who I am — nor did he have any interest in ever doing so.

Identifying the root of that hurt  forced me to specify what it is I do want and need. My own dating mission statement.  And so, Honoree, you will be happy to know that I started work on my purpose for dating. Here goes:

I want a man who will be my friend, my partner, my lover, and love me and my children. Someone who thrilled to be part of my family and make me part of his. Someone who is smart, good, hilarious and open and is up to big things in this world. Someone who makes me and our collective family a priority. A man who is awesome and loves me for who I am and what I’ve accomplished and inspires me to feel the same about him.

So how about you? What is YOUR  dating mission statement? Mine is about a big and long-term relationship — but yours need not be! Maybe your purpose for dating is to get out there, find who you are in this new phase of life. Re-discover your body, your sensuality, charm and attractiveness. Do you need to get laid in a big way? Or maybe just enjoy the company of a man.

There are no wrong purposes.

Please share yours in the comments!

 

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