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Father not involved in child’s life? A dad explains: “Why I don’t see my child”

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Mention the fatherless epidemic in the United States, and the arguments are polarizing. We hear things like “Father refuses to see child” or “Father not involved in child’s life.” It’s easy to fall into stereotypes, but I discovered the issue is quite complicated:

Father not involved in child’s life? A look into why fathers walk away after divorce

It is either:

  1. Men are irresponsible douchebags who abandon their children to mothers, who are left to raise the children with few resources, or …
  2. Women are conniving, malicious, entitled nut-jobs who alienate fathers from their children while taking all said fathers' money — all of which is supported by the family court system.

However, as we unpack in this article, the real reasons are more complicated, complex and human. Men after all, are marginalized as inferior or at least secondary parents, a fact that is codified in family court when mothers are nearly always granted primary time with children — a power position that means men and dads are officially a lesser parent. 

Read: My advice to moms and dads whose other parent is not involved

Why do fathers give up?

This post challenges a cultural assumption that men willingly walk out on their children and are irresponsible, apathetic parents. Instead, we all suffer under a sexist culture and legal system that marginalizes fathers, and makes it hard if not impossible for them to be meaningfully involved with their children, for reasons including:

  • Sexist culture that does not value or support dads, or prime boys to grow up to expect to be involved, meaningful parts of their children's lives
  • Family and divorce courts that favor mothers=
  • Parental alienation, in which one parent turns the kids against the other parent
  • One dad's compelling story about why he doesn't see his kids (keep reading)
  • Many dads don't believe the child is theirs, or were tricked into fatherhood, or otherwise felt they did not decide to father the child. A DNA test with a site like MyHeritage can help you understand who your children — or father — really is. Try MyHeritage.com now for free >>

806 reader comments and counting on this post tell a story about how prevelant fatherlessness is, how passionate people feel about its reasons and results — and how varied and nuanced those reasons can be.


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How can a father walk out on his child?

After studying this issue for the four years I've had this blog, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced. Men walk out on their child for many reasons, including:

  • They never wanted to be a dad in the first place but were trapped 
  • They have been marginalized by our culture and court system to every-other-weekend parents, which is more painful than walking away and starting a new life that promises more joy 
  • Conflict with the child’s mother is too difficult to navigate 
  • They feel unworthy of parenthood, and feel like walking away is the best thing for the child 
  • The father never had a strong father figure, does not feel competent as a dad nor understand how important his role is.

Not sure where your child's father is — or you are looking for your dad? TruthFinder offers background checks, reverse phone lookup, address and phone number search. A+ rating on the BBB. Get started looking now >>

A father's experience with parental alienation

What I haven't reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children's lives.

These stories resonate with me, as they have challenged my earlier, blind admonishments that every parent has a moral obligation to fight for their children, no matter what.

I still believe this, but I also believe in empathy, and for recognizing each other's humanity.

Here is one story from a reader, John G:

Point of view from a dad who doesn't see his child

From my own experiences, I believe it's widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings.

During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supervised visitation.’

None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney.

However, it was still a waste of time and money. Even after the divorce, the games continued.

My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?) and being instructed to call me by my first name and not ‘dad.’ I grew tired of making phone calls that weren’t answered, or of being put on hold and the child not coming to the phone, and of canceled visits.

It was heartbreaking seeing the child slip away from me, little by little.

I went to court on several occasions. There is the assumption that the man will just sit there and take the abuse because he does not want to lose the child.

She stuck by the letter of the law, and was able to severely limit my contact with my son by way of orders of protection and maintaining to the courts that he was a ‘danger.’

Related: This is the real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids

Orders of protection as divorce strategy

Of the divorced, professional men that I know, all of them had orders of protection against them by their wives.

This is even a problem that is recognized by the courts. Some attorneys go so far as to admit that the ‘afraid for my safety’ issue is part of the ‘gamesmanship of divorce.’ I went from the mindset of being a father to the child, to being reduced to the status of a ‘visiting uncle’ or a ‘Disneyland dad’ allied with thinking all the time like an attorney.

I was often worried what would happen if she started to make untrue claims that I had (for example) abused the child. When he fell over and scraped his arm when he was with me, I was advised by my attorney to go to all the trouble of going to the doctor, having the scrape bandaged and so on, just to legally cover myself in case she would claim that it had in fact been intentionally caused.

While on the lookout for anything that could be used against me, all the while constantly being told I was a bad person, a bad father, and all my involvement with my son was systematically stripped away. The whole process became a painful sham.

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Father refuses to see his child? Not quite …

I eventually reached a crossroads with four paths. Some men commit suicide because they can’t handle the anguish. Others resort to violence and anger against the ex-wife. Others take the difficult road, and sacrifice years of their happiness, battling on a hopeless battle with the ex, just to maintain some sort of contact with the kids. The fourth way, is to simply give up, and decide that the cost to the child through seeing the conflict, and to oneself, is too high.

I considered all the above paths for a long time and was tempted by more than a few of them. In the end, I walked away from all contact with my child more than two years ago.

What to do when the non-custodial parent doesn't show up or cancels last minute

Mother keeping child away from father

After I had calmed down, I tried again and contacted the ex. I had hoped she would have calmed down and would be willing to work with me.

But no, she is still the same bitter and vengeful baggage that she always was. Rather than attempting to discuss things and put things on the right track, she is willing to communicate in writing only.

She refuses point blank to let me contact the child. Everything has to go through her.

Some people will say it would be the noblest thing to carry on fighting regardless. ‘I would do anything for my kids!’ they spout.

Frankly, I feel that’s very naive and is almost always a view propagated by women.

Any father here who has been generously granted a weekend every two weeks knows the feeling when you say goodbye.

You’re just getting used to having them around, and they are gone. It’s like having a wound that never heals. Like a band-aid being ripped off over and over. The pain never really went away.

During those days, I used to recall these lines from Shakespeare's King John:

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,

Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,

Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,

Remembers me of all his gracious parts,

Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;

Logically, I have to balance the damage to myself, my life and mental health, the possibility of the conflict damaging the child, against the damage done by my absence.

People who don’t know the situation raise their hands in horror, or pass judgment, assume that this is a choice that is taken lightly and easily. It is not.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. Sometimes I see children in shops that look like my child and find it hard not to break down.

Sometimes I can’t take my eyes away. Even the shoes are the same. I don’t like to watch movies with children of that age in them.

I had to remove all the photographs that I had of my child and every other item and put them in a box. And that’s where all those emotions are now.

In a box, held tightly under control, so that I can try and enjoy some semblance of a normal life. It usually works.

I spoke to my ex recently. She claims that the child is just fine. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m needed and believes that my seeing the child is a bad thing.

She told me that the gifts I had been sending postally were in a box and he never got them. What is the point of trying? Who am I to argue?

She lives with the kid and does the real parenting. All that I could do, once a month or less (she lives a long way from me) would be to visit for a shallow shared visit, a museum trip perhaps – that’s not parenting – that’s just being a Disneyland dad.

I am in despair that many people and the courts expect the impossible. They expect the man to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child’s life – and yet – they make it impossible for that involvement to happen.

How can you remain interested and involved when you are given no information about the child’s everyday life, when even the most basic contact is made difficult or impossible, when you are limited to four days a month contact time if you are lucky?

In far too many cases, the father is merely viewed as a source of income.

The mother is viewed as the ‘real parent’ who almost always gets physical custody of the child. And once she has the child, she is then almost entirely free of the threat of any consequences.

Related: What is parental alienation?

Impact on a child’s life when a father isn’t involved

This is a great shame for the children involved who will probably be involved in divorces of their own or be afraid of marriage because they have seen the consequences when they fail.

I shouldn’t be surprised if more and more men eschew marriage and traditional family values over the next century.

Personally, I refuse to be blackmailed by my better instincts. I refuse to be reduced to the level of a Disneyland dad by some judge, attorney, social worker or indeed his mother.

I refuse to beg for access, or beg for photographs, or ask permission when I can please take him on vacation.

No. They will have no more of me.

One day, I will be able to get in touch without going through her once the child is old enough. Until then, I intend to get on with my life.

Please listen to Terry Brennan, co-founder of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, explain why default every-other-weekend visitation leads to absentee fathers:

Note that in cases where ‘standard’ visitation is awarded — every-other-weekend — fathers become depressed and non-involved, and within 3 years, one study found, 40 percent of children in an unequal visitation arrangement had lost complete touch with their non-custodial parents, which are nearly always the father.

Have a listen:


 

 

Bottom line: Father not involved in child’s life? Try to make co-parenting work.

If you are tempted to turn your child against the other parent, or not sure what is the best kind of parenting time arrangement, keep it simple, and equal. In fact, there are now more than 60 studies that prove that equally shared parenting is best for children (and, moms and dads!).

While we're at it, have a read about why a simple, fair 50-50 shared parenting time with no child support is the best, fairest, and most feminist arrangement.

To prevent this kind of trauma, here are some tips to how to make co-parenting work:

  • Accept that mothers and fathers are equal. This is a gender equality issue
  • Accept that just because the other person doesn't parent like you do, that is not abuse.
  • Let him fail, succeed and find his own parenting style. Many dads become better fathers after divorce because they have to.
  • When communicating with him, use ‘your house' and ‘my house' … not ‘Home.' Same when you address the kids – “daddy's house” and “my house.” Both places are their homes..
  • Keep him posted on matters large and small. Even if he doesn't show up for the teacher meetings, or make the doctors’ appointments, keep him abreast of what is happening with the kids.
  • Buy him holiday and birthday presents on behalf of the kids.  

But the bigger challenge is to change our culture, from one in which it is presumed that fathers are incompetent, and mothers are the default primary parent. Terry Brennan of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, and an equality activist. Listen to our podcast conversation:

For more on co-parenting communication, and reasons for better shared parenting, read: Co-parenting rules–even with a difficult ex

What do you think? Are you a dad who no longer sees his kids? Why? Please share in the comments …

Or, are you the mother of a child with an absentee father? What is your response?

Why do fathers give up?

This post challenges a cultural assumption that men willingly walk out on their children and are irresponsible, apathetic parents. Instead, we all suffer under a sexist culture and legal system that marginalizes fathers, and makes it hard if not impossible for them to be meaningfully involved with their children.

How can a father walk out on his child?

After studying this issue for years, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced, and there is plenty of legitimate room for both of these points of view. What I haven't reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children's lives.

Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. A former Associated Press reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has appeared on CNBC, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, TIME, The Doctors, Elle, O, The Oprah Magazine. Winner of Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web” and a New York Observer “Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. As an expert on divorce and gender, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality and multiple state legislature hearings. More about Emma's credentials.

813 Comments

This is my good side talking I would advise you stay clear .because you have no idea who I am anymore you might be the same I’m differently not I laugh at how weak I was back then .you or anyone tried a quarter of the shit you all pulled on me now would differently not go well for any of you .you see I have learnt to look after myself real well and have crossed my boundaries so many times that I have no boundaries anymore I tried church to bring them back but they are differently gone .your lucky .i give this advise only because my love for bree is pure 100 percent real .i write in blogs to stop myself from following though with my thoughts it’s been a real life saver ha ha ha .how that’s funny ha ha.just look after her .

I don’t agree with most of this. Saying your not going to see your kids at all because you don’t want to be told what to do or deciding every second weekend isn’t enough so stopping all together? That shows the issue a lot of men have which is ‘control’. And more importantly a complete lacking of understanding that it’s about the child not you. Deciding for the child that you will stop visitation is completely self adsorbed and is no better than a mother who withholds the children. I would never give up on my kids no matter how hard it got. And saying that some men resort to violence or anger as though that’s just acceptable because of what’s happening to them?? Um grow up, think about your innocent kids. Decent men don’t do those things. They are kids not objects to be divided equally. Giving up because you didn’t get the cut you wanted?? And I know first hand that men can portray themselves as victims to friends and family while lying about the whole situation or omitting big parts of the story. Just love your kids and do what’s best for them as best you can.

The article stated that visits were continually cancelled and his visitation was severely limited due to lies told by his ex.
And yet you read this article and found reasons to bash men?
Who do you think needs to grow up again?

just take care of her please .i no i was nothing to you and nothing to bree been so long .just look after her treat her good spoil her.goodbye this time for my sanity .no more blogs about this stuff for me.

I gave you a chance .no more Mr nice guy .you are on your own for real now goodbye.keep hiding running its funny to me how you think wow mask and women are so different to men .just look after her .

No response I get it good luck to all of you .you don’t want help that’s cool with me .I offered begged .I won’t fight in court .so she is all yours .I get a good deal in reality. I would like my last name removed then because in reality she is not mine.I have healed and come to terms with everything .I don’t think your a bully I think your a scared messed up coward that is going to have a shit life.

I will never fight though court for bree .there was no two year ban on me I tell people that .truth is I never cared or wanted her .I’m sorry for lies I did it because I didn’t want her she has a father mark let’s be real .I would like my last name off her birth certificate please as I feel it never happened you where Gordon’s women not mine .I did this just to piss you off see how much you could take a childish game sorry .goodbye .

We where both unhappy together.in my opinion we both stayed because family values.but I think we mad it worse that way ended terribly I should have communicated my concerns about your affairs instead giving little hints young dumb back then .but we had a child together unfortunately so let’s work together?

As a child from a broken home, I can tell you both parents were at fault. Father treated my mother like a possession and was an alcoholic, mother couldn’t take it anymore. Left, tried the whole “Father can have part time custody”. Father starts another family, father drops kids off at grandmothers, because he is too busy starting another family or drinking. Mother tries to get child support, gives up after father refuses to pay, remarries, moves away without contact. Father and mother move on. Mother struggles trying to take care of kids, reminds children daily they are more trouble than they are worth. Children never talk to father, know very little about him. I get in contact with him while in my teenage years, I live with father and other family for a few years, treated like I am not wanted. Stayed in contact through most of my twenties. We are strangers now. I gave up on trying to get him to love me. Still reminded daily of the trouble my mother went through with my father. I have an absentee father and an overbearing mother. I will never have children because I know they are pain in the ass and don’t come with a “Happily Ever After”.

I don’t have another family or kids gods truth .i have girlfriend but we have our own places and she differently got no say when it comes to bree or keeps me away from her .and the schooling fees I will happily pay I believe in providing that for her it will help her in life .i don’t want her to be like my family uneducated.i do fine it hard to communicate with kids because I don’t know any and some people gods truth my mind always thinks about work and making money and feel I don’t need to talk to some people .not bree i want to do right bye her and will pay fees for schooling.i give my word on that 100 percent.

Here’s your biggest mistake, to think that the child is owned by your ex-wife & to say in that last sentence “one day when she isn’t controlling him i’ll be back” newsflash, whenever it’s convenient for you to “waltz” back into your child’s life- you’ve already missed years and years. My dad walked out on me years ago, if he saw me today would I even consider meeting with him? No. Did I try before? Twice after he left. Each interaction lasted less than thirty minutes and we sat there in total silence. My father had no idea where I was going to college, and he had no idea who I am. He doesn’t know where I work, he doesn’t know who I date, he doesn’t know where I live. The “mother” isn’t the problem, the problem is you and all the men like you that continue this disgusting sexist stereotype that the man “earns the money” and the mom is the “real parent” being a real parent means BEING THERE TO SUPPORT THEM. Isn’t a bad thing at all. Listen to me, I’m in the position as the abandoned child with the dead beat dad who loved the court system and hiding behind the idea of my mom being the “big bad bully” it’s not that we believe our moms, it’s that we can see when our Dad doesn’t call on our birthday, or Christmas, or even call after we’re in the hospital, or graduating college. My Dad is a big corporate asshole with more money than he knows what to do with. My mom, a kindergarten teacher. Who helped me with my student loans? The “money earning bread winner” or the “real parent”

I will always help with fees for schooling and advanced classes that is a promise .and I (highly recommend )uni for a degree .from clueless father peace out sugar muffin keep the sexy alive baby cake.

What can you do if the mom lies Everytime you call and says you are not home. Says if you don’t do this, you can’t see your child. It’s not always as you see it.

Call your son.

I haven’t spoken to my father or seen him in over a year and a half. There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t stop when I hear a song, or stop when a memory floods back that I physically cannot move on. My father blocked my phone number, he and his mistress went to court against my mother to file a petition that relieved him of his divorce decree. All my father ever cared about was money, and his reputation. Instead of asking your friends of divorce what they did, call your child, email your child, send you child a letter. I’m telling you, a child who is alienated like that from a parent who simply chose, as you wrote “that the risk of trying wasn’t worth the effort” you should’ve never been a father in the first place. Parenthood is commitment. You and your ex wife can’t get along? You should’ve figured out your issues YEARS before bringing a child into the world. As a child of two parents who were miserable until it was too late, I have every day questioned why in the world two people would get married, have a child, and then spend years causing that child emotional distress and emotional abuse that you cannot even fathom. You are adding to your child’s emotional abuse, and I can guarantee the child will grow up to resent both of you, but at least his mother was there. Where the hell were you? Golfing?

When I first read this my thought was, something’s missing. This doesn’t make sense. Then scrolling down you see a comment from his ex wife apparently, who shared her side of this story. Sheds new light on Johns experience if it is in fact true. I find that the mothers honestly get the short end of the stick here, not the other way around. We have the majority of parenting time, sure we get child support but it’s not nearly sufficient, and the father just gets free choice as to how much time he wants to invest and we have to pick up the pieces. My deadbeat ex has decided one day a week is enough for him, so I get the kids for a week straight and that’s his “final offer.” There is no reasoning, no logic that can help him see the impact on his children when he’s not being “actively involved.” Of course being actively involved would take time away from the girlfriend he had before he ever moved out, and would require him to drive an extra 30 min after work…must be tough. Meanwhile I can’t have a social life, get an evening job to make more money, or just have a break to regroup and recharge because of his choices to not be an active dad. So if a mom is withholding her children from their father, I think there must be a good reason for it…either Dad is abusive, addicted, has personality/mood issues, or just can’t be trusted. No woman wants to be sole parent to her children unless the alternative is something even more terrifying and stressful. My ex is a total clueless father, no idea how to communicate and relate to children. But I’d still like my young kids to have a relationship with him. They’ll never get it with what he’s offering and I’ll be left to carry the load.

I here this crap all the time. Yet for all the hate nobody says they pettitioned the court for 50/50 custody and used the police to force him to take the kids for his alotted time.
As for moms motives they are easy enough to find. Look up Narssisistic parents and Borderline Personality Parents. I recommend a copy of “Splitting” it’s about what to expect from a Borderline during a divorce.
I have no doubt plenty of young fathers are clueless but that can be fixed.
As the saying goes: Treat a man as he is and get more of the same. Treat a man as he has the potential to be and he will rise to the occasion.

My ex actually has borderline personality disorder. He is an excellent father. I don’t regret having a child with him. He sucked as a husband to me (his new wife seems happy) and he isn’t a good provider (stay at home dad) but he is a caring, loving…. Ugh overbearing, father.

My husband’s ex won’t let us talk on the phone to him, plays games, (she will call and say she needs him then blocks calls when he calls back). And tells us not to get him. She does this every time things don’t go her way. I’m pregnant, and my bf lost his license. I have a clunker and I have to drive everyone around everywhere. The car is dying and we asked her to meet us halfway for visitations. We now have to take her back to court. I feel bad for the son as he loves his dad. We had bought him a Halloween costume and planned on taking him out. It’s in our backseat unopened.

I found this article very interesting. Here is my situation and I’ll sum it up quickly: I got a divorce 10 years ago when my daughter was 5. I let my ex move from Long Island to Cape Cod. That was one of our marital problems, she decided she wanted to live close to her parents. So, she moves. We have our stipulation agreement which we follow for 7 years. I pay support and she brings our daughter for her visits with me. Everything goes fine. Hell, I’m even 5 grand ahead on my child support. Then, my daughter turns 13. My ex decides she’s not bringing her down anymore. It’s now between me and my daughter and she now “let’s our daughter make her own decisions “. We are not talking about maybe loosing a few visits here…this is cold turkey no more visits anymore not in any way shape or form, all visits- done. I fight with the ex for 9 months over this while paying support. Now my daughter starts ignoring my calls, disrespecting me, hanging up, calling me a bad father etc. After over a year of this, I get a call from my daughter who now refers to me by my first name. She wants me to fill out a form so she can get a passport for a school trip to Italy. So, since she was under 16 I did that for her. We actually start getting along for awhile. I send her gifts, she loves them and slowly it goes back to hang ups, no return calls and fights. Then she does not want me sending gifts. I’m so confused by this…. As always, I have to give 2 weeks notice to go up and see my kid which I do but never get a reply. So, a nice warm spring weekend I decide to ride my motorcycle up and surprise my daughter. I get there. My daughter calls her mother (rats me out), the mother rushes home, demands me to leave because I didn’t give two weeks notice and calls the cops. So the cops ask me to leave. The nonsense continues. No visitation, Im treated like a convict and it just does not stop. My daughter is so alienated from me it’s not funny. It takes a special kind of sick woman to continue on such a campaign while proving that divorce from this sick person was the right choice. My daughter will be 16. I am now done. I know exactly what the father that wrote the article is going through. Our court system is way behind when it comes to these modern divorce failures.

It was to bother you and expose you .you think I’m that (dumb )if I wanted her I would have fought in court .im glad you got her a real father a(real man) like Gordon or mark or Jacob?.or maybe a boy like big Tyson.ha ha kill Myself over you ha ha that’s funny.(we are both happy this way gods truth).im sorry I called but exposed you it was so fun I did the same to Gordon he was scared he a real man ha ha and big Tyson run ha ha again a real man ha ha .and mark to you back after you cheated again he’s a real man ha ha .goodbye for little boy .

No I don’t want to buy her things to be honest .i won’t fight though court .i (don’t care )never did I’m glad it doesn’t effect her with my absence because your right i was never a good father never wanted to be a father gods truth .you where just a fuck to me nothing else.i don’t give a fuck who you are with (never did ).fuck .this is the truth .stick your supervised visits up your ass you fucking loser.as for trying to kill myself over the break up dream on loser. Over you ha ha ha .good luck to you and your kids this is differently my last post.ps this is what we both want let’s be real . Im happy god truth .all this was a (game spam messages ).goodbye for real this time.i have completely healed feel well.go ahead and judge me like my family I really don’t care or hold what you or they say in high regard.

My daughter separated from her husband 5 months ago, she has three children, the whole separation ended up being about what the ex husband wanted, he wanted more money from the sale of the house, and when my daughter was closing bank accounts, he even said to her that he should get half of the kids money in their bank accounts, she didnt give it to him, shes paying the mortgage at the moment and hes not helping, and hes not going to give her half the mortgage money back when the house is sold. either. Hes never had anytime for the kids in all the 13 years they were married. When the marriage was over he tried to commit suicide twice. Hes not doing councelling or taking any medication because he says hes okay he doesnt need to, he wants to see the children but we dont trust him, so he then said that they should go through mediation, which my daughter has already started, things have started to get messy. The children have had councelling at school and are coping very well, i suppose its because they never had a father that spent any time with them when he was at home, so they never really missed him in that respect, now he wants to buy them things which i feel is a way of buying their love because he knows that he was never a good father. He has also tried to ask the children if their mother has a new man in her life, which he should not be doing and its none of his business anyway. I get very angry when he does this because he has no right to ask these things. I know its his right to see the children, but only on supervised visits. I still feel that he missed all of those years and its to late for him to make that up now, but i suppose the children still need to see him.

Seth and Aiden, I hope one day you stumble upon this and read it, and realize that what you are going through is not your fault. You were always both good kids, and you are both growing into strong and intelligent young men with good hearts,and I am very proud of you. Your sister Haley misses you both very much, and she hopes very much that she can be reunited with you one day.
As for me, I am broken. I can’t fight anymore. Every day my heart and mind is consumed by my grief and longing for our relationship to be restored, but after five years, I can’t go on like this. I have to put it away and focus on other things. Should you ever decide to look me up, I will be in Orlando, like always, and not hard to find. My door and my heart will always be open to both of you. Please believe that I don’t blame you for any of this, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through.
Remember to be kind and forgiving to each other. The turmoil and strife between you two is not because of who you are, but because you have been played against each other. Don’t let the fact that you were treated differently drive a wedge between you. You are brothers, no matter what. I love you both, yesterday, today, and always.
Walter Singleton, Dad

What if your child refuses to see their father despite your attempts to get them to stay in touch and have some sort of contact? The child is poisoning me against the ex. It’s so sad! The ex doesn’t pay child support and he can email the child directly but doesn’t make any effort. What then?? What to do dads out there? I didn’t want it this way at all. For anyone but especially my son.

The ex doesn’t pay child support?.isnt it up to the mother to file for child support? If she has custody of the child?.i don’t no where you live but in the western world that is how it works.the father doesn’t email your child you say.email he is the father of your child don’t you think he should have the right to phone calls ??and visits ?.?women today are shit you need to stop with all your fucking bullshit .you are dirty with him because he has a life and your jealously is so obvious.you left him and went with a worse men then your ex ever was .so now you hurt him and keep he’s child from him .there is a old saying .you reap what you sow.now suffer in your jocks.

The child refuses to see the father you say ?.ok well I but this argument to you who is the parent and who is the child ?.grow up women you are a vindictive self centred entitled parasite who only cares about number 1.this is so obvious.

I need to take direct action and come down there and start like a man and belt everyone in your house go out like a man .you underestimated me Samantha you think I’m weak your gay friends laugh at me hey think I a joke hey hey ?…..?i will show you i about to snap go out with a bang .

Im going to get you bitch . .its going to be fun .the war has just began the cops can’t touch me .im handicap remember simple susie don’t understand I was abused has a child .ha ha I play that card.i swear I have something for you my love ha ha ha

Road trip ,family ,Toowoomba ,ha ha ha .what didn’t have the balls to knock on my door ha ha I would have slammed the door in your face gods truth.you contracting my family those fuckers I don’t even talk to.you are a queer homosexual ha ha explains a lot to me now.fuck off faggott have her shame I told my mum she laughed.now bree has to mummy ha ha.

Gods truth I signed my rights over on bree half sister because I didn’t want her and it’s only fair I do the same for bree .she is a mccarthy not a laurie .do it I don’t give a fuck .gods truth

Run coward run .bitch i sabotage it because I never wanted her I turn it around ha ha .i walked free to live the life I always wanted ha ha .plus exposed you when you thought you had the upper hand .ha ha ha .thanks for all the distance ha ha ha .fuck off and die harlot she is all yours ha ha ha .

I want my last name off her birth certificate Samantha I’m done with you and them forever.it never should have happened I only wanted sex I was 20 years old cunt struck .have her raise her your way or your wife’s way.you ever want to step up and take care of me you no where I live but noing you .you would run to police like those coward family of mine .i will hate you forever gods truth .i bet bree is happy having to mummy’s in her life ha ha ha.

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