I go out with single dads and childless men alike, and some of the latter admit (while others appear) to be uncertain about the logistics of dating a single mom.
On one hand, Dude, we are just like other women! Proceed as normal!
On the other, our lives are likely both wonderful and challenging in ways that childless women's are not.
If you landed here, you are likely a guy (or woman) who is attracted to single moms because:
- You're a single parent, too, so you want to connect with someone who understands your jam (single moms want to date single dads, too, btw)
- You don't have kids, and feel too old to be a dad to a newborn (and are keeping it real about the realities of babymaking with a much, much younger woman), but would like to be a father — in this case, a stepfather to older kids
- You just tend to be attracted to moms, and you can't figure out why.
- You have feels for a single mom in particular, and you are unsure on how to move forward.
If you are someone interested in dating a single mom, take 5 min and read 9 reasons dating as a single mom is so much better and understand why it will be worth the extra time and effort you may have to put in!
How to date a single mom
Helpful tips on how to connect, the logistics, meeting her kids ….
Ask her out ASAP — single moms are busy!
Leave the ask to the last minute, she has to scramble to find a sitter and that's really uncool.
Plus, it tells her (and any other woman, for that matter) that she was your Plan B for the evening.
Which she may be. But if you really want to see her and invest time in getting to know her, give the woman plenty of time to sort out her schedule.
If she wants to date you, she will find a way to make it work.
Ask about her kids
She won't assume you're a pedophile.
This shows interest in one of the most important things in her life.
In fact, if you DON'T appear interested in her family she'll think that you're not into kids.
Let her know you love kids — especially if you're a childless man
Assuming it's true.
Sounds cliche', but I always appreciate it when a guy goes on about how much he adores his niece or spends time with a friend's baby.
When a guy laughs at my funny-kid story, or is sympathetic about my mom worries, I'm in.
Don't assume she is broke just because she's a single mom
Maybe she is broke, but don't assume.
Don't assume single moms' kids need a new dad
They have a dad, or they don't.
You are not being interviewed to be a parent — you are being interviewed for your potential to be a romantic partner.
Of course, that could involve — way, way down the road — being a part of a family with children.
These things are complicated, I know.
Bear with us. But just follow her lead here.
If you're out and she is paying for a sitter it is really nice if you get the check
This isn't necessary, and especially after you have been involved for a while you will likely sort out the who-pays-when conundrum.
But if you tend to take turns picking up the bill, but she sometimes rearranges her life to get out of the house and pays for a babysitter so she can spend time with you, acknowledge that.
Hang tight on asking about visitation schedules
Of course, you want to know when she is free, if she has the kids all the time and whether the dad is involved.
But if you explicitly ask for these details on the first or second date you will appear reluctant about dating a woman with kids.
Which you may be – but if you ask too fast, she will know.
But she wants to feel like you're interested in her in every part of her womanhood — including motherhood.
Don't assume she's not free when her kids are home
Women like to be asked out. If you're interested and want to see her, ask her out.
If she prefers not to go out when her kids are home or doesn't like to hire a babysitter on school nights, she'll tell you. Because she may be dying for a good reason to hire a sitter, or take her brother up on his offer to watch the kids or otherwise go out and spend time with you.
If you don't ask her out — no matter how innocuous or considerate the reason — she will assume you don't want to see her.
Wait for her to bring up introducing the kids
If it has been more than a few months, or things get very serious very quickly, and she hasn't brought up introducing the kids, bring it up.
Know that when she invites you over, it is more work for her than when you invite her over
Yes, moms are really efficient and they're used to doing a lot of cooking and cleaning.
But if a single mom invites you over for dinner — whether a romantic evening for two, or with her kids — she had to clean up a whole lot of Legos and finger paint and string cheese wrappers and wrangles in an extra trip to the market and wine store to make it happen.
It may appear effortless, but effortless actually takes more effort.
Respect that it's a big deal when she introduces you to her kids
She is opening up her life and her whole family's life to you.
Treat this gesture accordingly.
Related posts on dating as a single mom:
12 Things never to say to a single mom on a first date
We all say dumb stuff on dates.
Especially first dates when everyone is self-conscious and sussing out someone new.
But there are some things that you just do not say to a single mom on a first date, assuming you’re angling for a second.
Here are 12:
- “You look great for a mom.” That. Never say that.
- Don't ask to come over when her kid are asleep. Just don't.
- “That’s great your mom lives in town so you can leave your kids with her on weekends.”
- “I am really loving this time of my life since my kids went away to college.”
- “Wow, you look good considering you had two kids.”
- “Kids need a man in the house.”
- “You had a C-section? That’s awesome.”
- “You don’t even have stretch marks!”
- “Your ex-husband lives in the neighborhood? Is his place near here [looking over both shoulders]? Do you ever run into him? Does he hate that you date? Has he ever beat up your boyfriends? Have your kids met any men you’ve dated? How did they react? Did they resent him?”
- “Did you get your tubes tied?”
- “How much child support do you get?”
- “When guys marry single moms and their daughters grow into teenagers, I don’t know how they can control themselves.”
- “My ex has a lot of issues so I really want to get married so my daughter has a new mom.”
- “Do you masturbate while your kids are home?”
- “Not a lot of guys are interested in women with kids, you know.”
Interested in getting to know someone on a second date?
Commit this list to memory and never ever utter a single one of them.
Thinking of dating again as a single mom, but not sure where to start?
Dating sites used by single moms and dads
Check out a dating app. This is the easiest, cheapest way to get your mojo back, and get a feel for what is happening out there. All you need to do is connect with one cute guy to get that spark going again.
Online dating is one of the best things in the world for single parents — time and money efficient, and you can even do a background check a woman before you go out with her!
EliteSingles is especially geared towards people who are educated professionals, looking for serious relationships.
- 82% college educated
- 100% verified
- 90% aged 30+
Matchmaker sites for single parents
There is a reason matchmakers have been in use since the dawn of human sexuality — they work!
Matchmakers tend to be very expensive, with no guarantees. It's Just Lunch is different.
I did a lot of research on It's Just Lunch, and went through the onboarding process, which you can listen to in audio, and read the transcript. I am so impressed — if I weren't in a serious relationship, I'd 100% use this service.
Here is a deep review of It's Just Lunch, which is the largest matchmaking service in the world, and searches its network of literally millions of singles to find you quality dates. Here is what I like about it:
- It's Just Lunch is 28 years old, reports 3 million first dates (!) and thousands of relationships and marriages
- Guaranteed number of dates. They quote you a custom price that includes a fixed number of dates over a certain period of time (you can pause your engagement with penalty for any reason — including finding love 😍)
- Each package 2 free one-on-one personal dating coaching sessions
- Daters tend to be in their 40s and older, so lots of successful men who have kids and are open to moms with kids and successful careers
- You are assigned a designated matchmaker who goes through rigorous training, and has years of experience — so their intuition is high!
- Both parties pay and invest in the service — so everyone is equally invested in finding a quality relationship (and can afford the service)
In this post I lay out the pros and cons of matchmaking experiences, and you can hear for yourself as I go through what you can expect in your first experience with an It's Just Lunch dating specialist.
Video dating course — for single moms
Do you know a mom who is tempted to date — but stuck in celibacy? Is she unsure of how dating works in 2019 — with apps, texting, sexting, dick pics?
Worried about flaunting her new mom bod on the market?
That is why I developed the bestselling video course, Get Back Into Dating AGAIN for Single Moms.
This video course takes her step-by-step to work through your fears, hopes, create a dating site and get her sexy on.
Guaranteed to get the client on one quality, positive date!
Ready to try online dating? Read why you should try Elite Singles dating
Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour, Oprah.com, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list.
Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.
A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.