You are stupid if you do your own laundry

Open washing machine in a public laundromat

 

Updated Oct. 15, 2014 

Note: This post ranks as my No. 1 most popular, which surprises me, but also makes sense. After all, in professional women’s eternal quest for that elusive work-life balance, we often chose to do far more housekeeping than our homes actually require — or our budgets afford. We tend to salve our working-mom guilt by folding towels and sorting socks, when a small investment in paying a professional towel-folder-sock-sorter would afford us many hours to do things that are meaningful or profitable– investing in your business, or dancing in the kitchen with your partner or rolling down a hill with the kids. 

Here is my story. Share your own thoughts in the comments!

I refuse to do laundry.

That’s a bit of an overstatement, but I really, really hate to do the wash, and I really, really hate the fold. The sorting and cycling and hauling of this never-ending chore so tedious, so mundane and omnipotent that it a joke for moms everywhere.

Except that it will make you poor. Nothing funny about that!

Outsourcing household chores is just one of the ways to thrive as a single mom.


Find a housekeeper at Care.com!

There are two ways I have other, better launders take over my laundry:

Until the past few months , every week I spent about $25 to have a very nice man from a local laundry service come to my apartment, take way a giant black bag full of soiled garments and return them to me folded, sorted and often still dryer-warm. The same day. Not every zip code has these amazing wash-and-fold services, but you can find someone to do your laundry in your home through sites like Care.com. That same bagfull of laundry would cost me about $8 to do in the coin laundry, including detergent (I live in a New York City apartment) each week. I figure it would also cost about $10 per week if I had my own washer and dryer, factoring in said detergent, water, electricity and wear and tear on a Maytag.

Lately, however, I have been paying my weekly housekeeper, Sandra, an extra $20 to take on the task. I also pay for the coin laundry and detergent, but by having Sandra means that I am saved the extra task of rounding up all my filthy things, or even putting away the clean items. Plus, I prefer that Sandra (of whom I am very fond) earns the money over the laundry service (nothing personal guys, you do great work!). If you live in my area, give me a shout and I am happy to refer her! Otherwise, check out Care.com for some great options.

But all this outsourcing really isn’t about the saved $15 or the extra $15 or the wear and tear. Sending my laundry out is about economizing time and energy. Investing in laundry service makes me richer because it makes me happier.

Most people adamantly refuse to get this. I found this suggested laundry schedule on Unclutter.com. These “experts” suggest a routine dedicated to running your washer and dryer every day of the week – your big break being Sunday, when you are permitted to lazily launder your delicates:

Monday: Launder all the sheets from all three beds. (1 load)
Tuesday: Launder child #1 and child #2′s clothing. (1-2 loads)
Wednesday: Launder adult’s clothing. (1-2 loads)
Thursday: Launder towels. (2 loads)
Friday: Launder child #1 and child #2′s clothing. (1-2 loads)
Saturday: Launder adult’s clothing. (1-2 loads)
Sunday: Rest, or launder a load of delicates.

Now, if you could skip this whole mess for the wee sum of $25, would you? What if you invested just half all those loaded hours in your career, a business or freelance gigs? That $25 weekly could be worth thousands monthly. Take it from me.

We haven’t even mentioned the happy factor. Some people just love laundry. I have never met one of these people, and I suspect I would not like her. For me, wiping laundry off my weekly to-do list has been the most incredibly liberating exercise. Before, it was a constant gnat swarming around my mind – what was clean when, when would I schedule a load, when to haul the dripping sheets into the dryer and to remember to take out my lacey things for an air dry.

Now, I spend a fraction of that mental energy to coordinate a single pick-up and drop off, and to make sure I have enough singles in my wallet to tip out the delivery guy.

All this laundry business is but a metaphor for how I like to live my life. My friend Laura Vanderkam is a time management expert, and wrote 168 Hours: You Have More Time than You Think, and she convinced me (and thousands of her readers) of the importance of outsourcing the mundane tasks that can take over life. When you are a single mom, money and time are especially precious. Our professional lives, our kids and we ourselves simply cannot be weighed down by regrouting the tub (unless that is your thing, of course) or keeping your kids chonies sparkling white. You are better than that.

When I get on my soapbox about this topic, I often hear people – and by “people,” I mean “women” – who whine:

“Oh, but I feel like doing laundry is just a part of life. I’d feel guilty for sending it out.”

or “I feel it is my duty as a parent to teach my kids to mop the floor.”

To these lame arguments, I counter:

“Do you feel guilty for using a dishwasher, instead of cleaning every grimy fork and sippy cup by hand?”

and, “Do you think Barack Obama does his own laundry? And why not? Because he has more important things to do! So do you!”

and, “Really? Do you really think that your child will grow up incapable of knowing how to mop a floor in an emergency? For real?”

Today, in addition to Sandra, I have a handyman on speed dial for various projects, and a power drill, bottle of 409 and common sense for times when I find myself in a pinch. Sure, I could do these things myself. Instead I use the time these services afford me to build my business, enjoy my kids, lavish in a constantly-more-or-less-clean home and just chill out.

My friend Aleksandra Todorova worked on this infographic for Dashlane.com about just how to outsource your life. You can pay someone to do just about anything – and this lays out not just how to do so, but compelling stats on why it is simply silly not to:

How to outsource your life

76 thoughts on “You are stupid if you do your own laundry

  1. I love it. The infographic is awesome. Yes, I’ve heard all sorts of reasons for why outsourcing laundry is terrible, but I think that copied schedule from unclutter just about sums it up. Do you want to be doing this every single day of your life? That also seems like a lot of laundry. We have three kids and it doesn’t involve that many loads.

    1. I thought that seemed like a lot of laundry. But I also think people are too clean and over-launder. Nothing wrong with wearing most of your clothes multiple times between washes, for example. Economic, time and environmental factors make strong arguments for this.

  2. Love it! I’m a freelance writer and I have a virtual assistant (max $400 per month) and a transcriptionist (about 90 cents per audio minute). There are SO many thing I could be doing instead of transcribing my own interviews (I’m a terrible typist), formatting and finding photos for blog posts, setting up my e-course emails, and scheduling phone calls…like doing work that earns more money or homeschooling my preschooler. Partly thanks to outsourcing, I work just 20 hours per week but still earn full-time income.

    But guess what…I LIKE doing laundry! The part I hate is folding, and my husband is happy to do that. :)

    BTW…Laura Vanderkam, you know I love your books and blogs!

  3. Really interesting stuff. (I’ll admit I scanned the infographic for now; will come back and digest later).

    I agree completely that many women would be better off, financially and emotionally, by investing some of their mundane task time into their careers. I’m also a bit jealous about the guy who comes to pick up and do your laundry. Guys like that don’t exist in small-town WI. ;)

    That said, you reminded me that I need to throw a load of laundry in. Like Linda, I don’t mind laundry; in fact, it’s the household chore I least dislike. (But I very happily outsource my transcribing, and lawn care duties)

    1. Jennifer- laundry services are becoming increasingly common all over the country. Ask your local dry cleaner, or ask around — maybe someone in your community might be inspired to start their own laundry service out of their home!

      1. For the past couple of weeks, that’s what I’ve been thinking about tryingt – starting a laundry service out of my home! When I was little (pre-school) my mother took in washings and ironings to bring in the income but still be able to be home with me. I still remember people coming to the house to pick up their freshly folded and ironed clothes!

  4. It’s hard for me to schedule laundry since it tends to be prompted by “accidents” either those evidenced by plastic bags sent home from daycare or those that cause me to remake a toddler’s bed at 3 in the morning. I also don’t like strangers touching my underwear. I’d happily welcome a maid service though!

    1. Oh boy, you need to get over that and outsource! Maybe you can send out *most* of your laundry, and do an occasional load of your delicates and poopy pants when needed?

  5. I have a washer and dryer in my apartment building and rarely have to wait to use it, so I don’t consider laundry to be much of a chore because I watch TV on Hulu while I fold clothes (I’ve also found that most of my clothes don’t bleed so separating whites and colors is pointless, which makes laundry even easier). But in a previous apartment, when the washer was temporarily broken and I would have had to drag my clothes to a laundromat, I gladly paid the extra money for a laundry service (it felt pleasantly indulgent). If I had kids and/or if I didn’t have easy access to laundry facilities, I would be more inclined to send it out.

  6. I have been “outsourcing” my heavy lawn work for awhile and it is well worth the $40 I spend to have someone else do the weed-eating and trim work. I don’t mind doing the laundry, but WINDOWS are another story.

    As an author-with-a-day-job, the advice to outsource more of the mundane tasks is an eye-opener. I am going to sit down and make a list of things I don’t need to be doing myself. And thank you for all the resources!

  7. I don’t actually mind doing laundry within reason, but I agree that schedule from unclutter.com is truly stupid. It makes much more sense to sort items by color and/or washing temperature and do them all together that way. For a while I had my nanny washing the kids’ clothing 2X a week. She washed everything together in cold water and it didn’t get very clean. Now we no longer have a nanny and I do the laundry, but what I’m finding is that I can do a load of “whites” once a week, and include everyone’s socks, and the white towels and other linens. There are fewer loads and it all gets much cleaner. Is there any real purpose to keeping the adult and kid laundry separate and that in turn separate from the towels?

    1. Karen – just reading your post made me feel overwhelmed. I find the organization associated with laundry as tiresome as the actual chore. Send that stuff out!!

      1. Emma, that’s actually where I have trouble with outsourcing a lot of things: the organization. When I “outsourced” the laundry to my nanny it was organized in a stupid way and didn’t get the clothes very clean. I could have tried to organize first and then delegate–told her that she needed to do the laundry in a certain way, defined by me–but that would have left me with the organizing and micromanaging, a task I find even more unpleasant than laundry.

        And who puts away the clothes when you get them back from the service? For me, putting away the clothes is the job I hate most. When I wasn’t involved in the laundry, I’d stumble upon drawers and closets crammed with old, too-small, damaged, or out of season clothes that the kids never wore. The kids or the nanny would just stuff the clean clothes into the drawers on top of the old clothes and the drawers sometimes wouldn’t even close properly. Then we had to do this big clean-out chore at an inconvenient time.

        Now that I handle the laundry I’m actually aware of what needs to be mended or replaced or put away for the season, promptly, and it never gets to that point of a big, overwhelming mess, even when I outsource the putting away of the laundry to my kids.

  8. Ha! I outsource all my laundry, to my 14 year old for $10 a week. And it’s a lot of laundry too – we have 7 kids and the baby is in cloth diapers ;)

  9. That schedule from Unclutter.com stressed me out! As I sit here on the couch with two loads of unfolded clothes sitting next to me, I had to laugh. I despise laundry and this article is just genius. I definitely need to be outsourcing laundry. That infographic is great!

  10. I outsource all my laundry. It goes out on Wed AM and comes back Wed evening. On Wed evening, I get 5 laundry baskets and sort the laundry into the 5 baskets for each of the 5 members of the household. On Thu, my cleaning lady puts the 3 kids laundry from those baskets into drawers and closets. I used to outsource the sorting, but for some reason no one but me can tell the difference between my clothes and my daughter’s clothes!

  11. I think whether or not to outsource your laundry depends heavily on where you live. If you are in an apartment in an urban area where you don’t have your own washer/dryer then, yes, that makes sense. I live in the suburbs and have tried to outsource my laundry, but it was a bigger hassle than doing it myself. I had to drop it off, then remember to pick it up at a certain time, then everything had to be sorted out and put away. I work from home now and its no big deal to cycle through all the laundry during work breaks. I do what makes sense for my situation. Does that make me stupid? I would say no, quite the opposite.

  12. Funny – I was just in NYC over the weekend and we were all so envious of this service! I agree – it is a win/win however, in Pittsburgh – we will be the last one to get this at a competitive price!

    The inforgraphic is fab.
    R

  13. I live in NYC and have no washer/dryer. I do have a clothes line and enjoy the smell of sun-dried clothes and how much longer my clothes last line-dried. In the winter I still air dry by hanging a line in the apt. The issue is lugging the laundry 3-4 blocks to the laundromat. And it piles up so quickly. However, I have been dissatisfied with services that lose or shrink my clothes. You also still have to manage the task of a service, it’s not just a 1 minute thing – you have to schedule, wait for someone to pick up/drop off, have cash for tips, etc. I have yet to find someone that will do it the way i do it. What about delicates and clothes that you don’t put in the dryer? I don’t want to keep buying clothes/sheets/towels more often b/c they ALWAYS overdry and ruin/lose my stuff. If i choose to splurge on a $175 pair of jeans, I’d rather them not come back too small or not come back at all!

    1. Ellie – very true. My latest mantra has been: “The ticket to happy motherhood is not owning a single thing you give a shit about.” I like having nice things as much as the next person, but sometimes it is easier not to.

  14. Your condescending attitude makes anything you say, even if it were valuable, hard to digest. There are people out there who enjoy performing these tasks for their family. There are people who cannot afford to “outsource” these tasks to others. There are people who do not live in areas where these services are available. And, believe it or not, there are people who gain happiness not from dumping these responsibilities off on others but by completing them ourselves for our family and with our family. My three year old daughter “helps” me wash dishes, fold laundry, sweep, and cleans up after herself. As she grows up, she will be trusted with more complicated chores. And she will hopefully grow into a responsible, hard working adolescent and then adult who can take care of herself all the time (and not just in emergencies).

    1. Grace- I am in complete agreement with you!! I stumbled across this post while researching attitudes towards domestic labour and the outsourcing of domestic labour by american women (incuding the trend of hiring other women to raise your children, essentially importing love from the third world hah). The attitude expressed by this ‘blog-writer’ reflects more than just snobbery and ignorance, but a dangerous and self-serving attitude. sadly this attitude is rewarded in consumer society; it allows individuals to feel entitled to a life of comfort and ease, usually achieved through spending patterns (purchasing either products or someone else’s labour). Her position on this subject is the product of decades of marketing and advertising initiatives – so in a way, it’s not her fault that she is part of this gross trend.. though at the same time, it’s always disappointing to witness such a lack of critical thinking

      Like many of us in the west, this ‘author’ probably likes to think of herself as a ‘clever’ person who understands the economy, labour relations, poverty, and a whole myriad of broad and complex topics that require serious study. ‘Most’ americans -and most people around the world, for that matter- must perform unplesant tasks as part of their daily lives, in order to simply survive. this may include doing your own laundry, or mining for diamonds, it’s all relative… This women needs some perspective and some serious sensitivity-training!

      1. There’s a reason why this website is called ‘wealthysinglemommy.com’. By outsourcing cheaper, more mundane tasks, you can build a richer life both in wealth and emotional satisfaction. To both the commentors above, I would assume that you are not wealthy. The wealthiest people in life have no time to spend on mundane chores like laundry etc as their time is more valuable than what it would cost to outsource these tasks. Before criticizing the author, I would look at her rationale. I totally agree with her and plan to outsource my own laundry so I can spend that time building up a business – not only would I enjoy that more than doing laundry, but I expect that it would earn me more than the $20 or so per week that it would cost me to use a laundry service.

        1. While the economics make sense, her delivery in condoning those who do laundry as “stupid” is offensive. No one is entitled to that subjugation even if you are not “wealthy”. I can tell you just by reading this woman’s blog that although she might be rich and educated, her character leaves something to be desired. I am a teenager myself and I would never treat another person, especially an older person that way. Her demeaning attitude and condescension as the wealthy mother who deserves a better quality of life than the rest is insulting.

  15. Aloha,

    I’m from Hawaii and we don’t have to many of the mobile laundry services that will pick up and drop off. For that, my sister and I had started our Wash, Dry and Fold business and we are labeling it as your “Personal Laundry Concierge”. Of course, if you are able too, outsourcing your entire life is a great idea. I have 4 adults, 1 toddler and a 1 year old in my household. Laundry is a CHORE for most people that don’t have the time to allocate for this reason, we wash once a week and the laundry is super piled high.

    We then took a look at our community with a Laundromat that offers a Wash, Dry and Fold service but, no pick up or delivery. We have a senior living complex in our community with a common laundry area and waiting for the washer or dryer is like the college students that are dorm life. The elderly, most are not able to drive, or are not mobile to do their own laundry. So, we opened our business to help others in our community and others.

    Outsourcing is a good thing for the elderly, college students and everyone in general.

  16. All of these ideas make two massive assumptions: 1) You earn more than $40/hr, and 2) 100% of your time not spent doing chores is spent earning income. Both of these assumptions are incorrect for 98% of the world’s population. The opportunity cost for doing 4 hours of housework on a Saturday afternoon for someone working a M-F 8-6 is $0. Please don’t attempt to mask “I’m lazy” with “you’re stupid”, as it only applies in a privileged few situations, and is quite frankly insulting to everyone else.

  17. Hi Emma, thanks for the great article! It was extremely helpful in pushing my wife and I to 1) outsource our laundry and 2) outsource our cleaning. We decided to do so in order to get those 4-5 hours back each week and not have laundry/cleaning keep us from making Sunday afternoon plans.

    Though we may not be printing money during this new found free time, it has allowed us to cook our own meals instead of outsourcing that to Seamless. As a result, we’ve been able to eat healthier and better food, learn a new skill, and all while saving money over ordering takeout. We figure the savings we gain from cooking goes towards our cleaning/laundry fees. So worth it!

    1. @Roger – LOVE THIS!!! Perfect example of how outsourcing the right tasks — and in-sourcing others — makes your overall quality of life and finances better. Keep us posted!

  18. Hi Emma – My entire business is predicated exactly on what you wrote…people need to be conscious on the value of their time… For those who choose to do it themselves…that’s fine too.. everyone I know in NYC has a kitchen in their home…doesn’t mean they cook in it every night…for me ordering delivery of any kind always helps reduce anxiety’s…it’s a great feeling to be able to spend your money the way you feel fit…I have all types of socioeconomic customers that range from Park Avenue families to single moms to family’s living in NYC Housing projects…they all say the same thing about laundry…They hate doing it and would rather spend more time doing something else…Whether they spend that time working in an office, digging ditches earning OT or reading a book to their 4 year old child… is their call and only that individual knows the true value of doing those things…Personally I’d much rather bike ride with my children then cook, clean and/or definitely do my laundry!

    1. It’s a cost-benefit analysis: If it costs you 3 hours weekly to do the wash, but costs you $30 to send it out — that is $10 per hour. But if you bill more than that at your business — or stand to get a raise if you use those three hours to learn new skills, earn a degree, etc., it is worth the investment.

      1. my hubby used to spend $50 per week in washing clothes and dry cleaning services (lots of ironing shirts for business meetings) the clothes always smelled a funny mildewy smell – I hated it, and the ironing wasn’t top – we timed ourselves once for fun – 10 shirts – perfectly ironed in 30 minutes while watching a show – if one wants to be efficient and save money – there are ways to do it. We spend out time cooking together and do lots of activities with our son…

  19. I have literally never heard of anyone doing this (until now). I suppose if you don’t have a washer/dryer in your house, it might be worth it to not have to go to the laundrymat, but otherwise it seems extremely wasteful and kind of pointless. It literally takes about five minutes to fold laundry, and you can easily do other things while the load is washing/drying. How exactly is that worth $100 a month? I don’t even have that kind of cash just floating around waiting to be spent, but if I did I really don’t think I could justify spending it on something that I could do for a fraction of the cost at home.

    1. But Jennifer, if you spent those hours on a business or building a career you would EARN so much more money that would build on itself over the rest of your life. It’s about focusing on BUILDING WEALTH opposed to saving a few dollars.

  20. I just still don’t see it. It really doesn’t take that long at all. I do it in my FREE TIME and it only takes a minute to throw it in and I talk to my daughter or watch tv for the ten minutes it takes to fold. I don’t have to leave work early to do laundry or anything, so I don’t see how paying someone to do your laundry makes you money.

  21. Reading through all the posts we see two categories, those that enjoy laundry and those that despise it! Here is an idea. Those that despise can outsource and spend that valuable time making money elsewhere. Those that enjoy it can turn it into an income stream by plugging into an existing company that hires individuals to pickup, wash and fold, then deliver.

    Everybody is happy!

    1. What Tim said!! If you really love sorting, washing and folding, God bless. I think you are an alien, but whatever. The rest of us? Call Tim!

  22. We don’t make our own clothes!? We don’t bake our own bread, make yogurt, milk the cow, raise chickens (and kill them), raise our own potatoes! etc

    (for the most part – although I have been known to make my own laundry soap)

    Some people just don’t know what it is like to live in the city.
    And for some people their time is worth doing these things themselves.

    The best part – you get to decide!

    Outsource – not outsource.
    Everyone has a choice.
    I am sure there are some rich people who do their own laundry.
    I think this blog post goes hand in hand with the nail salon usage services.
    There are people who would choose to get a weekly mani/pedi and do their own laundry, and there are people who would choose to do otherwise.

    Great thing about having a choice.
    And if you don’t like the usage of the word – stupid on this blog post – you too have a choice not to read it.

  23. Btw, the author is not telling you what to do – she is sharing her experience and reasons why she is doing it.
    If you take it personally – well then …

    Plus, people from different countries – of course your lives are very different than ours.
    But it has nothing to do with being/feeling elitist/entitled.
    It is your perception on what you found on the internet/this particular blog.

    You don’t like it – you’re free not to read it. You don’t have to share your opinion. But you did and it is a testament of respect the author gave YOU for not deleting your posts (cause she could).

    1. All good, all part of the discussion. I find that when people are really irate it is because something they heard resonated with them. All part of the process!

  24. With one side of my mouth, I’m saying “Amen, sister!” and with the other side “My brat kid still needs to do her laundry.” (I wrote a book for launching young women called ‘Do Your Laundry or You’ll Die Alone: Advice Your Mom Would Give if She Thought You Were Listening.’)

    Big aha: I don’t care how she gets it done. But clearly, your way is better. What we want for our daughters is exactly what you advocate. They should be able to put their energy in better places. So I’ll be passing this around. It will confuse people. But they can get over it.

    1. ” So I’ll be passing this around. It will confuse people. But they can get over it.”

      Yes, so true. Read the comments – people worry their children will be adults unable to do laundry. Please. Kids are doing higher math in second grade. They can figure out how to work an effing Whirlpool washing machine in a pinch.

  25. Quit over washing your clothes and you can do your own laundry. I love the thought of not having my clothes washed in the same washer and dryer as so many others, Ick.

  26. According to the infographic, men spend 7.5 hours and women 8.75 hours on household activities. Who has time for that?

  27. If u make $25/hr that’s a weeks worth of take home pay vs doing it yourself $25 vs $10 a weeks… And tbh it costs me $6 to do it every other week bc ill hand wash what I wore to work real quick when I get home before I get in the shower. I will easily save $1,000 dollars as opposed to having someone else do it for me, sounds like a vacation… Although I don’t have kids yet, I think paying them an allowance to do it is a GREAT idea

  28. re: “To these lame arguments, I counter: ‘Do you feel guilty for using a dishwasher, instead of cleaning every grimy ork and sippy cup by hand?’ ”

    This would be a good argument if you were talking about washing clothes by hand. After all, do you have someone come to your apartment and take your dirty dishes away?

    1. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time, Michael.

      My ex decided to end the marriage – not me. Thank you for your interest in my story.

    2. I agree with this. The whole “Do you feel guilty for using a dishwasher, instead of cleaning every grimy ork and sippy cup by hand?” is kinda lame Emma.
      My arguement is “I waited so long to live somewhere that I have my own washer and dryer, so I would feel guilty outsourcing it.”
      I also argue about outsourcing my laundry because of this: I make $13 an hour (before taxes), thus a $25 charge is 2 hours worth of wages for me. I have no children, so I probably wouldn’t have to get the laundry done out more than once every 2 weeks, but still, that’s a bit of an expense for me. And sadly, doing the laundry itself isn’t the issue at all. I still would have to do the part(s) I hate: 1) separating clothes into mine and my fiance’s (one of the banes of same-sex couples who are the same size, whose clothing is who’s?) 2) hanging things up in the closet, and 3) sorting and matching the socks (I refuse to let a service do this because they don’t do it RIGHT. I abhor it when one of my socks is baggy and the other is tight around my ankle! Just because they are both white doesn’t make them a pair!!

      However, there ARE tasks I would *LOVE* to outsource, I just can’t find anyone who can/would do them! I wish I could hire someone to come and clean the catbox on a bi-weekly basis. I would pay $50 for that! Or someone to THOROUGHLY clean my bathroom on a monthly basis. The only places I’ve found who will do that want to charge $200 per visit, and when I’ve had them do it (I tried 2 different places) they did a very lackluster job that I ended up having to redo anyway.

      1. That is my problem too – if I am going to have to redo someone’s job so you the payer are satisfied – then outsourcing is pointless. Being a perfectionist has its high price. I hate cleaning my bathrooms, but I do know, no one would scrub them the way I do, or leave me satisfied.

        1. I used to get annoyed when I went out to eat (I’m told I am an excellent cook). The quality was never good enough. The prices were outrageous. The service or atmosphere never stood up. But when I chilled out life became so much better. I was an enjoyable dinner companion. I was able to enjoy the evening for what it was — time spent with interesting people, getting a break from my routine and cooking (as much as I love it, everyone needs a break), trying new things and exploring life. I became a more open, joyful and happy person. I was trying to control the entirety of New York City’s restaurant industry, but all I really needed to control was my own bad attitude.

  29. I feel your comments run true as I do the laundry for the wife n 2 boys and my life after work is cleaning, laundry and kids.

    What is a diplomatic way to ask the stay at home wife to do more at home besides cooking n kid duties for school?

    House is neglected during the day when she is free.

    1. You need to have a real conversation with her as an adult: “I understood our arrangement was that I would earn the money and you would take care of kid and household duties. That isn’t happening and I feel resentful. If this isn’t working for you anymore, how can we change things? Maybe it is time for you to go back to work.”

  30. This is such an utterly first world middle class problem. Another reason why the middle class is shrinking in their earning power, bcs they outsource everything. I have a problem having someone else do my laundry – never cleaned the way I like and spending a fortune for someone to do a mediocre job on ironing. I do not spend money on laundry or dry cleaning (only large coats go to cleaners). I do understand the value of freeing up time, but I NEVER do laundry or iron in the middle of the day. Laundry goes in washer at night on Fri, air dries on Sat outside (goes in drier on wet days) and Sun late when I am watching one of my series, I can do the basics in 40 minutes flat. Sure sometimes I wish I had someone do it, but no one could do the kind of quality work I prefer – it helps to have a hubby who does his equal share of the housework or child rearing. So I get it, if you are a single parent and can afford, and can live with how others do your laundry – by all means do it. More power to you. I will continue to enjoy my perfectly white sheets ironed and towels folded just so, and that gives me great pleasure.

    1. This post has been circulating for two years now, and what I’ve come to understand is that women — usually unconsciously — simply repeat their childhood models of what it means to be a mother, wife and woman — “My mother and grandmother scrubbed the refrigerator every week, that is simply what women do.” All of us — myself included — battle notions ingrained in us since birth about how to do things — raise children, care for a home, be a romantic partner. But as adults it is up to us to take a step back, assess what is really important to us and use our time accordingly. No one on their deathbeds ever says, “You know, I am so glad that I spent all that time scrubbing the house,” or “The one thing I’m really proud of if conquering the folding of fitted sheets.” A friend’s mother — who just turned 80 — recently said to her, “I wish I’d been a more fun mom — I was always so worried about keeping the house clean!”

      As for: “This is such an utterly first world middle class problem. Another reason why the middle class is shrinking in their earning power, bcs they outsource everything.” Could not disagree more.

      Effective delegation of tasks you are overqualified for or can outsource is critical to getting out of poverty, moving from middle to upper-middle class, or growing a small business or giant corporation. To start: If you want to get out off welfare you need to gain professional skills through formal education, training, or start a small business — all of which requires hiring child care for those with young children. You only stand to gain income and and earning potential if you outsource tasks for which you over-qualified for (housekeeping, if you are a professional person) and replace those hours with a higher-paying contract work, or investing in your career so there is an actual ROI on that investment. There is zero inherently wrong with outsourcing if done consciously.

      As I wrote in the post- – if you love laundry — knock yourself out. But I’ll be there are lots of other things you also love doing even more and wish you had more time for. Just sayin.’

      I wrote it in the post, but when I have this debate in person, people always stop short when I point out that no one who is considered a traditional professional success (in that they have a big and lucrative career) does their laundry or scrubs their own toilets. They figured it out. And for not so very much money every week, each of us can figure it out, too.

      As for your admonishment that as a single mother it is somehow permissible for me to live with sub-standard laundering because I don’t have a spouse, well, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that your comments were not intended to be condescending.

  31. If I lived in the city, I’d consider outsourcing laundry. It doesn’t make sense to do it here in the ‘burbs when there’s a washer & dryer in my house.

    The overall point you’re trying to make is sound, though. I should outsource the yard work when there’s a bunch of lawn services in my area. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I do outsource the stuff that has to be done only occasionally – plumbing work, painting, etc. By the time I go to a big box home improvement store, hunt for what I need, wait in line to pay, and drive back home, I’ve easily lost an hour right there. Might as well outsource it to someone who can do the work better and faster than me.

  32. I did send my laundry out for awhile but where I live it is almost impossible nowadays to find an affordable and reliable service that won’t destroy our clothes! I live in NYC in Harlem. At one time there was a place that would do your laundry on every other street corner for a fair price and our laundry always came back pristine. All of these places are now GONE because the cost of doing business in NYC makes it impossible for small businesses offering practical and pragmatic services to stay in business. Now we do it ourselves. It’s more affordable I guess and there is something very zen about washing clothing. And it’s also something children should learn to do ( my kids help out now with the laundry. They fold and put their own clothing away– neatly!. They are 9 years old.) I don’t like the idea of them thinking that basic maintenance stuff is below them. It also teaches them to take care of their things. That’s an important lesson.

    1. Yes, Manhattan/NYC prices are insane and it is causing serious problems all over the place. Can you have a housekeeper do it for you?

      As for “I don’t like the idea of them thinking that basic maintenance stuff is below them. It also teaches them to take care of their things. That’s an important lesson.” I agree with this — but at the same time my kids, for example, don’t know how to shovel a walk because we live in a co-op where the super or his assistant do that. That is just the type of lifestyle we live, and I am ok with that.

  33. These charts are great for those who life efficiently and have a lot to manage in a busy world. I’m sure this article has given readers hours they didn’t know they could save. Thanks.

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