This was posted in Millionaire Single Moms, my closed Facebook group (which has 7,201 members as I write!), for which the mission statement includes:
This is a mastermind of single moms who are committed to growing their careers, businesses and personal wealth, who think BIG, and refuse to accept that exterior challenges define us or limit our potential.
A member posted this:
I have mixed feelings about the premise behind this group: that we as single mothers can achieve financial freedom if we work hard enough and stop internalizing a victim mentality. On the one hand, I agree — I’ve known more than a few people who focus on external obstacles rather than on possibilities and make nothing happen in their lives. It’s a self-defeating way to live. I’m all about embracing agency, our power to change our circumstances, dreaming big and taking steps to make those dreams happen.
At the same time, the bootstraps mentality can only go so far. It deny that the playing field is not level and sweep all forms of privilege and discrimination (institutionalized racism, sexism) under the rug; it has been used to pathologize the poor and deflect responsibility from a corrupt billionaire class, giving lots of leverage to people like Paul Ryan, whose justification for taking away healthcare from millions of poor people is that they’ll work harder to pay for it!
Now more than ever, we need to be mindful of the limitations of a brand of empowerment that’s focused on the individual rather than the collective. True financial freedom can only happen in an advanced nation that is willing to invest in women and children; and unaffordable childcare is the biggest obstacle to a single parent’s financial success. It seems to me that women are better served working together to make change happen in this country than they are by trying to adapt a millionaire mentality (trying to “manifest” wealth, while juggling multiple gigs and struggling to pay off debt), although the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Imagine how many single mothers would be freed by universal daycare to pursue their career ambitions and not have to rely on child support or alimony.
- To individuals I say: The very practically of it: You are what you focus on. Focus on what you can do to get out of a cycle of juggling crappy part-time work and debt (which never got anyone anywhere). Stop focusing on the very real inequalities for women, the poor, racial minorities (unless you are on a mission to actively change those). There simply is no room for excuses when it comes to running one’s own circumstances. Surround yourself with positive people, get focused, and make a decision to change your life, and your children’s lives. This is the greatest act you can make for changing systemic inequality. I have never, ever met anyone who has achieved —whether with thanks to the good luck of being born to money, or despite incredible hardship — who has not simply looked bad luck and circumstance in the face and got the hell on with it already.
- Yes, generational poverty and inflexible class structure are real and powerful. Also: each of us is responsible for our own happiness and wellbeing. The moment anyone suggests they are owed anything, their own individual power and society overall crumble.
- Billionaires and politicians are not solely responsible for the wellbeing of the masses. We are living in a time of unprecedented wealth and opportunity for women. We are more privileged than any group of women in the history of the world, and 98% of women in the world today (yes, I get Scandinavia has it really fucking good. I spent the past two summers in Denmark and wrote a bunch about social infrastructure for women and families for Forbes. The difference is real!). You and I have incredible privilege, and with privilege comes responsibility. The biggest impact you and I can make right now, today, is to earn and achieve. Decide right now to not depend on a man, grovel for low-paying work, model scrimping and playing victim to your children. These choices keep the pay gap alive and thriving. That is when the wealth gap widens. Corporate boards and Washington remain void of women. Anti-women an family policy persist. As a person of privilege, it is your responsibility to work to change those realities.
- I 100% with you on universal child care. It is in my near-term planning to be very politically active on that front (my Plan A was for Hillz to call me up personally and ask me to spearhead universal childcare, but I’m working on Plan B. Stay tuned).
What do you think? What external excuses do you use to not achieve or get out of a cycle of being broke, dependent or otherwise under-achieving? Share in the comments!