Sage smack-down on dating and sex from a single mom reader

single mom sex advice

This was posted with permission from Marilyn Torres-Sierra in Single Mom Society, the secret Facebook page. Torres-Sierra, 39, is a Phoenix, Ariz., is a nurse educator and single mom to Liam, 13, and Leilani, 8. 

Ladies, first I have to say that I love this page.

That said, I keep seeing posts about the “strange” things that men do when dating a single mom. I'd like us to elevate the concept a bit because I'm still looking for the “right” guy, and since I'm 5 years in the single mommy gig, I thought I'd share a helpful tip…

A drag queen once said, “When in doubt, freak em out.”
-Sharon Needles

It was the gym parking lot where he asked me about Zumba class. Ran into the guy later that day in the veggie section at Fry's so I gave him my number. Super suave, smart and a bootie that'd make the sun shine on a rainy day. We talked a few weeks, no hanky panky, nothing more than a hug. He even showed up at the door with ice cream for my sick daughter, who he never met. And then BAM … no communication. I get a text two weeks later about a family issue that had come up.

Me: OMG is your family member OK?
Guy: Yeah it's all good.
Me: Who was it?
Guy: Hold on, I have to take a call
Me: OK

…three days later…

Guy: Sorry. Been so busy. When did you want to meet up?
Me: Family member OK?
Guy: Yeah
Me: Sorry to hear that. Why didn't you tell me you were married?

Know what he said?


Guess I freaked him out! Lol!

Ladies…when they get strange, it gets awkward or they fall off the face of the earth, they did you a favor. Don't be afraid to call it! Ask what you want to know! Don't be afraid to freak them out!

There's nothing wrong with most guys. They disappear either because they are no longer interested (many guys) got what they wanted (some guys) or they know they can't be the man you want or need.

Keep your head up! There are wonderful men out there and they are NOT all taken. Dating takes practice!

Trust me. Keep at it. Eventually, you'll learn to smell the bullshit before you even see the pile! If you see the pile and choose to step in it anyway because it's been so god damn long since you've been held or made love to … I hope the lay was worth it. For me it hasn't been worth the headache, but I TOTALLY get it!

(No judgement here.)

However… do me a favor, don't get all butt hurt because you smelled it (instincts, a.k.a. mojo) saw it (behavior confirmed your mojo) and knew it was bullshit from the start (talked yourself out of it) and now you're complaining, whining and commiserating all over God's creation about it.

(OK, a little judgement here because I want to be supportive to my single sisters, but there are only so many hours in a day ya'll)

So here it is:

Check out the book or movie, “He's Just Not That Into You.” It's a perspective of great fun on negotiating this dog-and-pony show we call “dating.”

Warning: (nurse moment coming…)

And, for the sake of all that is divine on this planet, if you're gonna jump his bones despite the bullshit, wrap that shit up! You don't want herpes or HIV as a souvenir from your little escapade.

So remember: when a cutie-patootie with a super fly bootie gets weird on you and makes you doubt your mojo, throw that tarantula (truth) on the table and freak em out!

YOU, my fellow goddesses, are not victims of the oddities of male behavior in the dating universe!!

Eat, drink and be merry (in moderation of course),



9 reasons dating is better as a single mom

Dating as a single mom is the same as dating as a teenager

When single moms should come clean about dating

Dating coach: “Single moms are hot on the successful-men market”

About Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour,, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list.Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer.A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.


  1. H on October 21, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    AWESOME!!!! Too much BS, too little time!

    • Emma on October 28, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      So true, ha!

  2. T on October 23, 2015 at 11:26 am

    I wish I could figure out HOW it’s supposed to work! I ‘ve been single since my son was a few months old and his dad (my ex-fiancé) and I broke up. Once I’ve been out on a date, it was great, a guy at work, I took my son along) and I got the “Well, I should have told you I am married but she doesn’t get me..”. That date was all I needed to give up!

    I just haven’t figured out HOW to date as a single mom. It feels weird talking about my child with a potential mate/partner or something and I don’t know why. I know in my gut my child would come first so can I really be all that he needs, I tell myself, and that’s not fair.

    I admit I am very lonely and would LOVE to have some adult time to talk about something other than robots and dinosaurs. I really would love the idea of marriage again some day. Please help!

    • Natalie on October 25, 2015 at 1:30 am

      I’m not a single Mom, but I was one, so I support you guys, big time. First of all, there is no formula for dating. Dating is a special name for friendship. Obviously, you get more than plain old friendship with a dude (like sex), but at the end of the day, you are forming a relationship. Instead of getting all caught up in rules and all of that, try looking at him as another human being like you. Open up, but in proportion to how much you know this person. If you went out to lunch with a friend would you immediately connect to the point of vulnerability and sharing everything with them? Probably not. So, when you are out dating and getting to know another person, keep it low key. Enjoy each others’ company and see where it goes. When it feels right to have sex, make sure that it actually does feel right. Make sure that you are having sex for the right reasons. Not because you have been on x amount of dates and it’s about that time, do it because you want to and enjoy the hell out of it. Stay real! Remember, men are people too, just like us girls.

    • Emma on October 28, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      You need adult time, and that will be good for your kid, too! Nothing at all wrong with chatting with a man about your child – you probably talk about him all the time, anyway. First step is get out there and test the waters, and remember: it is NORMAL to date as a mom!

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