My kid is an asshole. And your kid is an asshole, too.

This essay was originally published a year ago, and it is one of my favorites. Read through the comments — so many moms found it by googling “my kid is an asshole,” which tickles me to no end. I think of this post when I find myself tripped up with doubt over whether I should share something really personal — either in my work or in my relationships. The takeaway from the experience of this entire blog — in which I have so, so stretched out of my comfort zone — is that the truth is always right. That when you share a secret, you not only wash yourself of the shame attached to that secret, but the shame of others who hear you. And in that experience, you connect and love.

Is that too deep for this quirky post? Now I feel a little ashamed …

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
― Brené Brown 



A few weeks ago a guy I’d dated texted me. “You sound like such a good mom on your blog. I’m a disaster at being a single parent!” My response: “Start a blog and create your own reality!”

I shared this exchange with my brother, who reminded me that the previous week I reported about my 2-year-old: “That asshole shit his pants at the library.”

Because I wanted an excuse to keep the conversation going (say nothing of trying to downplay the sanctimonious tone I often take in this blog), I texted him about my potty-mouth parental antics.

Radio silence.

Not many people will admit to calling their kids bad names. Except, it seems, my friends. Everywhere I turn people I know are laying out how they really feel about their offspring. One of my oldest girlfriends has two great kids, yet she often refers to her daughter – an opinionated, defiant and bossy 7-year-old – as a bitch. A mommy friend in my neighborhood was so relieved by her daughter’s 5th birthday. “The worst age is 4,” she recently said over a dinner out. “Every single day my husband and I would say what an asshole she was.” At a family Halloween party, the hostess greeted me by rolling her eyes and saying of her preschooler, “Daniel has been a raging dick today.”

Some might shake a judgmental finger at parents like us. But I’ve noticed that moms and dads who use swear names to express their parental frustrations also have a unique respect for their children. We also have more fun with them — one of my top tips for thriving as a single mom (find the other 14 secrets in this free ebook) My friend with the bitchy daughter, for example, refers to her children as “people” – not kids. “Sam is a really thoughtful person,” she’ll say of her 12-year-old before launching into her myriad annoyances with him.

My friend whose daughter has graduated from her shitty preschool stage is described by her mother as “a person who gets really angry if she feels she’s not being heard,” and “the kind of girl who doesn’t have a lot of drive but will always be fine in the world.” Parents who view their kids as whole individuals, I find, are parents who have license to detest parts of their kids – just as they would any person. After all, as much as we may love our boss or neighbor, we likely describe them in with the occasional four-letter word. We don’t use those monikers to their faces. As we spend lots of time with our children and their many escalated moods, it’s normal these words are thrown around from time to time.

Describing our children with cusswords also signifies that we accept ourselves as whole people with complex feelings and thoughts. We are not robo-parents who only think, feel and say delightful and fair things about our kids.  If that were true, there would be no way to explain the runaway success of Go the F**k to Sleep, which sold 150,000 copies, hit Amazon’s No. 1 bestseller and was optioned by Fox. The illustrated book looks like a classic kid’s tale, but is clearly intended for parents – parents who sometimes hate their kids.

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.

The lambs have laid down with the sheep.

You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear

Please go the fuck to sleep.Did you read that book? Did you laugh? Congratulations. You’re a real person, a whole parent. And sometimes your kid’s an asshole.

Need a break from your little asshole? Check out the qualified sitters and nannies through my friends at They may save your life (or that of your asshole).

273 thoughts on “My kid is an asshole. And your kid is an asshole, too.

  1. I almost think I can’t be friends with someone who can’t admit their kid is an asshole. Because, Good Lord, they are assholes. My daughter flung her milk across the room today because it was a half degree too hot for her. She’s an asshole, believe me. And so am I. I am the tree, she’s the apple. We are both assholes.

      1. BS, my kid is an asshole sometimes, but he isnt an asshole cause I call him an asshole, he is one cause he is a spoiled brat..

        1. I have a 17 year old daughter who has been saying, “I can’t wait to move out” almost daily. What would she think if I said back to her, “I cannot wait for you to move the Fuck out of my house!!” She is being a classic asshole. I am obviously hurt by her words and then her silence treatment. She’ll talk to Dad and completely ignore me. I realize this is part of raising teens 101 but, why do they have to be such assholes? She gets mad if I try to help with her with anything, I am not smart enough to figure out washing her laundry, etc… I feel like I am with an abusive man tip toeing around subjects, when to talk, when to be quiet, etc… What I really want to do I tell her, “Go F* off and stop being an asshole!!” How do you forgive them once they are ‘over’ their moments?

            1. I stumbled upon this beautiful publication when I googled “teenagers who are assholes”. I will definitely keep this pinned to my tool bar for quite awhile for much needed comic relief! Dang this is hysterical!!

              I, too, deal with an asshole child. She’s 18 years old and will be off to college next fall. I’m indeed happy for her, and the rest of the family that she will be on her way to do all the great things that she thinks I’m keeping her from doing. However, I’m not one bit joyous about forking over the family estate for her to attend the college of HER dreams.

              I won’t go off on that tangent… but my reason/question for parents of older assholes is: Will/Do assholes ever become friendly and fun to be around as they grow up, or will assholes always be assholes? I know I’m suppose to admit that I’m an asshole too, but if I am, my friends, sister, husband, and my asshole daughter’s twin don’t consider me an asshole.

              I guess I’m hoping that being an asshole is her child/teen phase and her life’s destiny.

            2. Although mine just officially moved out of his teens physically, he’s an emotional toddler. Yes, my adult son is an asshole. I love him with all that I am, he’s still an asshole. He lives in a world where passive-aggressive behavior is a weapon and nothing matters except what pleases him. Mind you, if he needs something, he’s on the phone pleading for help with a solution although it’s a total setup because he refuses to heed any advice that I give…even though he’s asked for it. It’s an opportunity to openly reject my words of concern and guidance…asshole. I’ll confess that I found your blog while searching “my son is an asshole”.

          1. 14 year old stepdaughter has been giving me the silent treatment since she started high school in August. She talks to her dad. She lives with us full-time. She talks about going to live with friends to finish high school! ha! I have stopped engaging her. It is her issue, not mine. My husband understands that girls can be mean girls in high school and the number one way to be mean is alienation! So, hang in there, T! I agreed to her living with me in court and promised to provide for her needs at 8yrs old! She knows what it is like to go without and yet she behaves with little gratitude. I have been learning new self-speak like “that was a small victory that she said hi when getting in the car”, or” it was the same yesterday, she hasn’t not matured as of yet.” I pat myself on the back for maintaining dignity and kindness because that is who I am. I want to act like a reflection of my character. It doesn’t always work, but it is helping! <3

            p.s.- do her a favor, she is 17, she can do her own laundry. As soon as the step kids said, "I want you to wash it this way…" I said, "congratulations, you have just proven that you can wash clothes yourself! Come to the laundry room, I will show you how!" Saturday is teen wash day! I do all laundry around that day.

          2. Tell your 17 year old daughter to fuck off. You should have a long time ago. Also, stop doing her laundry. You’re probably too far up her ass, anyways. She’ll thank you. Space, and you getting a hobby. You have to let go.

      2. No, calling children assholes just means that they’re butt heads. You’re right that labels can determine personality. But I’m guessing these parents don’t call their children assholes to their faces. The parents are using this forum to express their frustrations, which we ALL have (unless you are an automoton). Most of these parents truly love their kids. They just need a place–a non-personal space– to express their frustrations as parents. Further, this is clearly a humor column aimed at moms. The conventions of the genre call for slight exaggerations concerning child/parent roles. Relax. No one is, clearly, calling a child an asshole. They’re just thinking it, and blowing off steam with other like-minded individuals.

        1. Laura, you are so correct. My 15 year old daughter just flipped out at her dad and I. She has had this whole weekend to do her math homework and she has chosen to wait until this Sunday afternoon to do it. Earlier, we all agreed to meet up for a family movie night at 6pm, but since her homework was not finished we had said it can not start until homework is done. So we were yelled at and accused of being bad parents, for not keeping our word. Then it was our fault that there was an argument.

          I calmly even said to my daughter that I am not yelling and you always say it takes two to fight. I will not fight with you, but I will let you know that movie night can not start at 6pm unless all your homework is done. She continued to say she would do it after the movie, but I stayed firm and smiled as she has pulled that lie waaaaay too many times. I even said I love you sweetheart and there is no movie until homework is done. You have until 8pm, if homework is not finished by then, then no movie, but if done then we can all enjoy this movie. She stormed off and said that we are acting stupid. That was when my husband started to yell at her and ground her all week for being rude.

          Wow … it amazes me still, how thoughtless and arrogant and self centered our offspring are. As others mentioned, the apple does not fall far from the tree, but man oh man, I think my mom would have let me rot if I was that rotten. Heck maybe I was. Either way, I have the wonderful joy of having a rotten apple just like me. I keep hoping that will love and lots and lots of sugar she will be okay.

          And yes, I to feel better when I walk away and say in my head … what a bitch!!! I have never and would never say it to my daughter’s face, but I think it often and somehow it makes me feel better. It is like chocolate. Dark chocolate improves our mood because it causes the release of serotonin into the brain. Well when I release a ‘bitch’ thought and send it to the universe then it improves my mood, cause I feel like it is gone and I am moving on.

          Good luck to all you parents who really do love your children, even though they are thoughtless little shits…… sometimes. The other times, there are beautiful lovely moments and I would not trade them for anything. Is it too late to cancel Christmas…???

        1. if i knew my son would be this much of an entitled arsehole i never would have adopted him….its my fault trying to give him all the things that i never got as a kid and never so much as gave him a “light” paddling for misbehaving (whereas i got beatings…the joy of growing up in scotland in the 1970’s) perhaps that is where i went wrong….i just want him to leave and join the army like i did (at 16) he is in no way an asset to the family but a liability….like a hole in the garden that we throw money into…..sad but true

      1. People want to say it’s parenting and that I caused my three year old to be an asshole. I’m convinced he was born an asshole. I cringe at social events. I find myself saying when I hear screaming please don’t let it be my kid hitting let it be him getting hit. He has grandparents who love him and when he sees them he screams and runs the other way. I correct him but every day it’s the same thing. It’s no longer mommy, mommy, mommy. I have assumed the position of bad cop. Now, it’s all about daddy. I should be happy that now I get a break from his servitude. Although, first day of preschool I wanted to take a picture with him and he refused. He wanted only daddy. It’s amazing the power they have to make you feel like shit. Today, we took him to preschool and he cried for us to stay. He was looking out window crying as we left. My husband was like I feel so bad. I was like if he wasn’t such an asshole I would feel bad to, but thats life and can suck it up like the rest of us.

    1. This has such an overwhelmingly assholish tone of a mother who thinks she knows shit just because she popped a kid out of her.
      The truth – according to a guy who grew up with one of those all-knowing (and in essence just sexually frustrated and overcompensating through everything else) is you really know shit – not a shred of a decent thought or emotion exist there, just redefining the world according to your own needs (and of course, as a weakling of the human species – at the expense of your own little one – with zero remorse, and even celebrating that perversion of human nature)
      That all being said, the world is heavily promoting this selfish rubbish – presumably to sell more useless stuff to needy women (aren’t they the perfect target for marketing – so desperate yet so clueless – an ideal audience).
      I’d tell you ‘grow a pair’ – but then that wouldn’t work, would it – you’re just another endlessly needy trash can (or cannot, which is more likely for a sexually frustrated women – who can only ever act from that position an no other – it always is about her and not about her offspring).

  2. I can relate 100%! My darling, perfect boys are really kind of jerks some times. Our closest friends occupy that “closest” status in part because we can talk to them about how jerky our respective children are. “Yeah, my son is kind of an asshole,” my friend said of his boy, who had just broken a toy of my younger son’s. Do you watch the show “The Middle”? In an early season, the dad says, of his teen son, “I think our son might be an idiot!”, which is pretty ballsy and awesome for network TV, where all parents are usually patsies and all kids are usually precocious and/or precious.

      1. thanks asshole you want to know y wer asshols because you adalts are the reall asshols your after all 40 and grow up in a difrent senchory so ya im 13 and you dont get it so ya thanks ass

        1. Im 11 and I would just like to say that you’re a fucking idiot. 1 your spelling makes me want to vomit and 2 these people obviously can’t even give two fucks because what you said was so stupid. I suggest never you never talk ahain. Your comment gave me cancer.



            1. I came upon this blog whe i was feeljng really crap about calling my 9 yrs old stupid cow.much better


          1. I’m sorry, did “screaming” at the little boy make the grown ass woman in you feel better? You want these kids to learn manners and respect? Model it yourself.

          2. You are a sad bitch picking on retarded little kids , what’s wrong IVF scramble ur ovaries? I hope ur man beats the fuck out of you for typing in capitals , or bull dyke probably a dyke! Your a cunt if you slabberd to my kid like that I’d be going to the cops you boarder line peado! I’ve a great idea!! Kill urself!

        3. Elijah….trying to read your incoherent words on this blog makes me weep for the future of the country…you sound like a the typical over entitled arsehole mewling spawn that america is becoming famous for (although the rest of the world is changing too)..i hope you never find employment in any position of power…. or even a DMV….. but i strongly believe you will end up asking “do you want fries with that” have some respect for your elders

        4. Phenomenal mangling of the English-language.
          You dumb shits that were raised on the internet haven’t a fucking clue about real life.
          Just remember though.
          Your first home was in your Dad’s scrotum.
          Your second home was in your mother’s uterus.
          Your third was, well you can figure it out.
          Show some gratitude. And understand that you’ve done absolutely nothing in life yet.

    1. But they are totally SUPPOSED to be jerks according to your girly-wishy-washy definition of what is and isn’t – it’s just a part of being a man to not be an idiot woman, it is genetic, that’s why we have hairs all over, stronger arms, and generally hit hard and take punches without whining.
      Blogs like this one only support the fallacy that mothers actually matter – apart from the first 5-6 years of life (at best) – they just become whiny attention grabbers – when it really isn’t about them (and yes, that’s a reality – let Hollywood sell you all the shit they can for not being able to cope with your own irrelevance past that point)

    1. To each her own. Wanker is a funny one – I mean, you’re basically calling your kid a dick, but in British parlance. Which may sound fancy to some, but just silly to others.

  3. My parents used to say it is not me or my brother, but our behavior that was bad. My kids aren’t assholes, they just behave like assholes from time to time : )

    1. That’s what my friend says about her little ones… they’re not assholes, they are kids that do asshole things. I’m sorry but these are usually the biggest assholes of all.

      People in general are assholes/douchebags/ whatever word you like, so kids are as well, seeing as they are just little people. It doesn’t mean they aren’t sweet or caring, it simply means they carry the human trait of being assholes.

    2. You’re absolutely right Lawmom. Our adolescent son is well-behaved at school and his friends’ parents think he’s a great kid with lovely manners. But at home he can be AN ABSOLUTE DICK. He’s surly, overly-dramatic, rude, pouty and generally a pain in the arse to the point that I feel like punching him in the face every other day. But he can be the kindest, empathetic and giving child you can meet. He was a beautiful boy up to about 9 or 10 so I’m hoping this new ARSEHOLE faze is a temporary thing and that he’ll return to the delightful kid he was. I love him with all my heart, but I really don’t like him at the moment.

      1. This comment is exactly how I feel about my son. I love him so much it fills my whole heart. I think he’s going to become an amazing man someday.

        But today, I want to punch him in the throat.

      1. OMG and why in the world did you give birth to begin with? To feel loved and valued – because on the inside you felt unlovable and useless?
        Well, guess what, giving birth didn’t fix any of that – you sad cow.

  4. All kids are assholes at some point. They, as kids, are born selfish and it is our job as parents to teach them how to be/act otherwise. I think the majority of the time these asshole moments are not deliberate insomuch as they are reactionary.

  5. >> All kids are assholes at some point. They, as kids, are born selfish and it is our job as parents to teach them how to be/act otherwise.


    1. Now I have 4 teenagers and when they act like assholes, I look them in the face and say “You’re an asshole”. Maybe I am taking it too far, but they know the real me and know how much I love them. Can I use the old “This will hurt me more than it hurts you.” No one wants their kid to be an asshole, but they all are sometime. As are we.

  6. Emma! I found your blog through Leah’s recent Facebook post. I love it and can’t wait to explore it a bit more. I can so relate to this. When my son was a baby, a friend made my day by complaining about her daughter and how hard and shitty parenting can be. She made it ‘OK’ for me to be honest with myself about my parenting expereince. Parts of parenting are great. Other parts suck.

  7. I loved reading this. Let me tell you how I stumbled on your blog.. By googling the exact phrase “children are assholes”. The fact is we’re all assholes sometimes. I love when people can see past society defined guidelines and just be real about it. I’ve probably never seen a bigger asshole than me when I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch and it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon and I’m standing in line at Costco. My kids are 17, 11, 5, & 4. They make my life incredible, beautiful, funny, heart wrenching, fulfilling and even still on a Friday afternoon I’m googling “children are assholes” so I can get a humorous reprieve from this gift of motherhood, so thanks again!

    1. LOL – exact same thing here! Having put myself in a time-out before I strangled my son, I googled “my kid is an asshole”. Goodness I’m glad I can across this blog! It cracked me up and I’m in a much better mood. Guess I’ll have to quit hiding now…

        1. Well Emma, make that 3 of us. I googled “Adult children are assholes”. Mine are ages 36 and 42, and we’re currently not on speaking terms, by mutual choice. We’ve been having rounds of silence like this since they were teens. Apparently the “asshole syndrome” never goes away. Oh well, I just see it as Springtime without stupid dramas interrupting my peaceful day. Have a great day ladies and God bless.

  8. Linda – this comment made me laugh aloud (aka LOL!).

    “They make my life incredible, beautiful, funny, heart wrenching, fulfilling and even still on a Friday afternoon I’m googling “children are assholes” ” hahah!

    Keep reading, hope to see you here again.


  9. OMGosh! This was THE funniest I’ve read in quite a long time…ok…I’m guilty of feeling this way about my kids…mostly my 11 year old son. You will bust your but helping them, nurturing them, providing for them, and still, they can easily act obnoxious towards you and shrug their shoulders at your authority.

    1. And let me guess – like a lot of other women, you feel like your son is an asshole because he isn’t more of an idiot woman like you?
      Have you noticed his reproductive organs don’t resemble yours?
      Guess you’d need more of a brain to realise this is a profound difference, huh?
      Oh wait, he won’t have boobs too – and will be hairy – and this is all NORMAL?! Gee whiz, why didn’t someone tell you about this stuff??

  10. Thanks for cracking me up! Some days asshole is the perfect word and somedays his actions are assinine. I also told my son “screw you, do it yourself” in a moment of intense frustration over homework. Everyone I confessed it to was relieved by the honesty. We’re all in this together, why not be real about it?

      1. thank you so much for this blog. I literally just found it a few minutes ago by googling, “my son is a fucking asshole please help” I am so glad that there is a place I can be honest about how frustrated and upset ive become without judgment thank you everyone for sharing and for listening. my sons are 12 and 4 – different fathers i am a single mother

        1. Hi Brianna – Did you skim the comments? So many parents found this post the same way. I always laugh aloud when someone writes that – I mean, we are human, we swear and WTF?! People are not angels immune from fault until their 18th birthday!!

  11. Glad I found this blog.
    I had never called my daughter names until recently. She is 23 now. She did something pretty vile to my husband and I to appease her boyfriend. I finally spouted off and called her the “C” word then told her she was fat. Even the mouthiest of my friends could not believe I did this. There is no way to take it back, and although she was initially in the wrong, I apologized for allowing myself to go there. Now her friends tell me “You don’t deserve her!”. Wow..

    23 long years lost in the blink of an eye. Never though in a million years she would do it.
    She almost ruined my husband’s career of 30 years. And we accrued a financial debt for her mistake. Yep – I was pretty hot for what she did,

    1. so sorry for your pain and loss but have to admit your post cracked me up! sometimes we start out right and end up wrong but I totally get how and why you reacted that way. just cause we are related doesnt make it ok for them to choose awful behaviour

    2. I lost my 28 year old relationship in the blink of an eye. But she called me the C word and more. For once I was not sympathetic to her life drama and spoke my mind. Now she doesn’t love me, wished I was dead and burn in hell…She is an asshole! She hasn’t spoken to me in 6 months now and intends on living her life without a mother. Fine! Asshole! Best of Luck…. But yeah I get it. I can really relate to your post as I’ve been going through 14 years of unimagineable drama. She admits to deliberately breaking up relationships and lying about major life occurancs. It’s probably a blessing I don’t have her drama in my life anymore. But I still miss my little asshole! I will always love her no matter what.

  12. Actually, I rarely use the word asshole any more because an asshole is a very necessary part of the body. I have instead started using the word hemorrhoid since they originate in the same region but do nothing but burn, irritate and annoy. We had a neighbor at our old house who we called Hemorrhoid on the Hill. He hated being called that but it cracked us up. He knew we called him that because if I was out on the front porch having coffee and he walked past the dog would bark. I’d tell the dog to shut up it was only the hemorrhoid. He heard that plenty of time. I even made a shirt which really pissed him off that said Love thy neighbor… even if he is a hemorrhoid. Oh and my youngest daughter (who will be 34 next week) is a raging bitch!

    1. omg I love you! I love you all! this is the funniest best blog in the universe! I love my son but he is a hemorrhoid!!!!!

    2. my 4 year old is an asshole too! he keeps destroying everything he gets his hands on nothing is safe he sneaks off and hides under my bed and goes to town mostly chewing stuff apart like a naughty puppy but other times just ripping it apart with his hands.

    1. OMG Oria. I called my stepson a douchebag yesterday. He is. Problem is, I said it to his dad and hurt his feelings. I only meant that this kid is such a dick to his dad who does EVERYTHING for this kid (17 year old) and gets shit on in return. I know that kids can be awful to their parents, but he is pretty much an asshole to everyone given the chance. I guess I’m lucky in that the way I deal with it is to stay as far away from him as possible – because I can. Not the best way to have a loving relationship, but it works OK for us right now. He’s almost 18 and will be (oh please!) on his way out the door within months.

      1. I am so thankful to read your post. My step son is a 16 year old manipulative asshole. He blames his dad for everything in his life. He has done some very intentionally mean things and his dad and I are just waiting for him to turn 18 so he can live with his mom. I have a countdown going. I feel so much better knowing there are other parents out there with entitled, rude, mean kids. Thanks for this blog!!!!

    2. Uhm, maybe because their primary family fell apart – which for children is pretty close to the end of the world? Has that ever occurred to you?

  13. I found this post because I Googled, “my four-year-old is an asshole,” to get parenting advice. On how to keep myself from murdering him to death in his sleep. Thanks for making me laugh about it. *Breathing deeply.*

    1. Emma you are a genius! there should be an award given to you for this! thank you so much before i started reading this i was about to cry and probably murder my rotten ass kid

  14. Wicked funny. I thought I was being “evil” for thinking that of my 12 yr old son. He is truly an asshole. My husband and I have read a bazillion parenting books. My son has seen two therapists (neither did any good). We give him plenty of love and attention. We provide a comfortable daily routine, more than fair discipline, loads of time with friends, exciting activities, etc. And yet – the child is never happy, you can never do enough for him. He refuses to do homework. He lies constantly about all sorts of stupid shit. Is disrespectful at every turn. Insists on arguing with us –even when we are agreeing with him(!). He is an ASSHOLE. I can’t wait for him to grow up and leave home.

    1. My sons been like that since he was 12 and now he’s 16. If I could re-do one thing – it would be to STOP doing favours for him and make him work harder for your respect. I try it and it works but unfortunately I’m too inconsistent. Love my kid and we’re really bonded but F*k me parenting sucks!!

  15. LMAO…this is the first of your blogs that I have read…you have me in stitches…if only ALL parents would be this honest…maybe we wouldn’t have as many “criminals” on our hands…I have often referred to my son as an asshole…he now nearly 18 yrs old…so then I can tell him to his face…lol….my sister’s both refer to their daughters (13 and 6)as “a little bitch in training”….I laugh hysterically every time…thanks for the laugh!!

  16. I will never forget the first time the word slipped out of my mouth. My daughter was probably 4.. she was being sassy, hard-headed, argumentative- All of the things that I love and adore about her as a person; just not things I always have the patience to deal with at 11 p.m. Her bedtime has always been 8, and we were having one of “those” nights where it was her way or no way at all, and we were butting heads, because her bedtime is 8 on work nights- if no one is bleeding or vomiting, then no excuses!

    After I had tucked her into bed for the 6th time, I came back downstairs. My boyfriend was sitting on the couch with his movie paused. He looked at me as if to ask, “What was it this time?”

    Before I had even registered the words hitting my brain, they were coming out of my mouth. I uttered, “Sometimes, my daughter is such a bitch.”

    I froze as soon as I said it, and my boyfriend’s eyebrows were sky-high. Then he smirked and said “Wait until she’s 14..” to which I replied, “She’ll really be a bitch at that age..”

    We both dissolved into laughter. I felt better.. like I wasn’t such a horrible person for THINKING these things sometimes. And sure enough, when she got out of bed again 30 minutes later, I thought to myself- she is such a bitch. But sometimes, so is her mommy. I tucked her back into bed again with more of a smile on my face.

    It was one night in many over the years that I’ve thought such things.. but never with anything but love and a little bit of frustration, knowing that that too will pass, and it’s just part of life.

  17. My search was “can children be assholes?” because even though I have living, breathing, scowling proof just feet away from me, I needed evidence that I wasn’t a shitty mom for thinking it. You probably will save lives with this post, no bullshit. Recognition, as they say, cures many ills, and in this post and these comments, I’m feeling seen, heard, and empathized with. Doesn’t happen in real life too often, so thank you so much for writing it.

    1. Nicky – Thank you so much for this. The asshole bit is funny, yes, but your comments about feeling seen and heard really make me so happy (and proud). Thanks for chiming in. You’re normal!

  18. I dislike the word “asshole.” I prefer “asswipe,” although upon reflection, it doesn’t have the oomph of “asshole.” Also, “hole” lends itself better to the preceding emphasis on “ass,” as in, “What an ASS-hole!” Right now my teenaged daughter is banished to her room because I just couldn’t take one more bit of bullshit spewing out of her piehole. If I’d said or done half the crap she has when I was a kid, I would not be alive today to write this post. The left side of my face would have been smacked clear to Kansas, ricocheted off a barn silo, and then permanently embedded in Mt. Rushmore where visitors today would exclaim, “Look. There’s the girl who talked back to her parents.”

    1. Oh my gosh Tracy – you have me laughing aloud with this: “The left side of my face would have been smacked clear to Kansas, ricocheted off a barn silo, and then permanently embedded in Mt. Rushmore where visitors today would exclaim, “Look. There’s the girl who talked back to her parents.” hahhaah!! Be my BFF? Please?

    2. I literally just laughed out loud @ “The left side of my face would have been smacked clear to Kansas, ricocheted off a barn silo, and then permanently embedded in Mt. Rushmore where visitors today would exclaim, “Look. There’s the girl who talked back to her parents.” and my face would be right next to yours, all the way from New Jersey. I’m still laughing, my 9 year old just asked what was funny…lol.

      I actually found this by googling “i just called my son a jerk” jerk/a**hole same thing. He was absolutely being a jerk of a 10 year old to his brother, which happens entirely too often and I finally decided to call him on it but then I felt bad. However, thanks to this post and these comments, I am feeling much better. I always say I am raising adults, not children; sometimes we have to be called on our mess, so why shouldn’t they?

      1. Also wanted to clarify I actually told him he was “acting like a jerk”…because name calling is never allowed but he was acting like one so I had to acknowledge to him “you are a great person but you were ACTING like a jerk and that’s not cool”

  19. In the parlance of my recently unbanished teenager, “Totes!” Look, I think raising children is a lot like going to the State Fair: Costs a lot, is an antiquated practice, but we keep doing it year after year. For the most part it’s great, rewarding, and worth it. But then there’s that ten minutes in the Fun House with the funky mirrors. A nightmare of distorted perceptions and rabbit-hole arguments and reasoning, during which the salvation comes in being butt-faced honest: “OMG! My kid is a total fucking asshole! THAT’S what’s going on here!” If we can respond to this ugly reality without killing them, we have taken one more step toward making the world a better place, because to paraphrase the Dalai Lama, the world doesn’t need more assholes. It needs more people who are compassionate, kind, and loving. (I suppose it could argued that by calling my kid an asshole, I am not being kind, compassionate, nor loving, but that’s another blog post.)

  20. It is unclear if your kids are assholes or not, but one one thing that is perfectly clear:
    Their mother is a HUGE asshole.

  21. Bwahahaha! My son is named Daniel… and many days he is a raging dick. I’m expecting sainthood if I get this kid to 18 in one piece… despite his best efforts otherwise.

  22. Yup, I Googled “are all 6 year old boys assholes?” and found this. I raised two girls on my own for 10 years who are now teenagers (and really, really awesome people) and then I got remarried and inherited a stepson who is now 6. He was spoiled rotten until I got him and some people in his life still spoil and coddle him. They just think he’s as sweet as pie. I think he’s a complete shithead. Always has to be the center of attention, always thinks everyone should wait on him, never listens, has a fit if he doesn’t get his way and says “Na, na, na, na, na” way too much to be thought of as anything but an annoying, frustrating jerk.

    So I thought, “Well, maybe this is just a boy thing. After all, most men are pretty much jerks. Maybe this is how they start.” But I think it has more to do with the way he was raised before I came along. You all who think it’s such a horrible thing to call your kid a bad name, think of it this way: the only reason we’re so pissed off and frustrated is because we want our kids to turn out to be good people and, no matter what we do, they just keep being assholes. The name calling and anger comes from pouring our lives into a person for THEIR OWN GOOD to seemingly no avail. At least that’s where mine comes from.

    Great post. Thank you.

  23. Yup . Googled my 5 yr old is an asshole. Brought me here. Thank you . I was ready to put him in a fckn pretzel form.

  24. I find this truly disgusting. As a teenager who is faced with being called a “raging bitch,” DAILY, this is… just… no, It’s probably my mother’s – who has manic depression and narcissistic behavioral issues – favorite phrase. She also gets a thrill from this.

    I’ve almost killed myself because of this.

    Now, how do you think your immature toddlers feel about those words?

    Please, if your child were to say these things to you at a later age, would you be offended?

    1. If I treated my child the way he treats me I would fully expect and deserve him saying these things to me when he was an adult.

    2. I think if you’re getting called “a raging bitch” on a daily basis then you should probably take a look at what you are doing to cause this and get your shit together before you move out of your moms house, get a job, pay your own bills, buy your own clothes, pay your own car insurance, pay for your own cell phone, pay for internet and cable and rent and food and supply your own spending money, pay for your own health insurance, medicine and dr visits and do it all on minimum wage cause your dumb ass wasn’t smart enough to suck it up and give your parents enough respect to pay for your college too.

    3. Ciel, I’m sorry you have to suffer such treatment. I believe what most parents here are expressing is occasional frustration, which they are sharing with other adults who have been there, not screaming names at their kids. Every toddler is going to throw a tantrum in the grocery store at least once, and it’s embarrassing for the parent and frustrating because now he\she has to leave the store and can’t finish shopping. And other similar situations. What you are going through sounds far more serious and painful. I pray you will be able to heal.

  25. Thank you a thousand times over! The phrase I googled was “what to do about my asshole child”. Just your blog post and the comments have taken me from literally looking up boarding schools for my eight year old, to giggling and feeling like I have a whole internet of support and understanding. Keep up the great, and honest, work!

  26. Thank you for this post! My 7yr old daughter is a person who is incredibly self-absorbed -with family only- and doesn’t not see or doesn’t care that her actions negatively impact others in the house.

    I’ve always tried to be logical and level-headed, choosing my words carefully when bringing these things to her attention. I’ve also denied myself the reality of some situations by believing I have to package this behavior as “okay” because she’s a kid.

    But, yesterday was my birthday, and after a permanent marker scribble on the cream couch, and two large bottles of spices sprinkled all over the kitchen floor, I lost it. And all the things I wasn’t even aware I was thinking and feeling came out…and it was a wonderful release.

    But then I felt guilty for saying what I felt. I thought that was not what “good” moms do…until I read this post.

    I finally realized that as a mom, I need to be honest with myself about my feelings and it is okay to see my daughter as the imperfect human being that she is. This post finally gave me permission to acknowledge to myself and those reading this that sometimes, if not a lot of the time, this person that lives with me is a selfish, indignant asshole – and it is healthy to authentically acknowledge that.

  27. Yes I too almost killed my almost 8 yr old son about an hour ago. He seriously makes me crazy!! And to top it off I have a 13 yr old girl who feels the need to point out LOUDLY what a jerk he is all the time which only enrages him more and causes physical fighting as she provokes him. Not to mention in the mix of all this I have a young baby to juggle while my boy insists on calling me names, slamming doors, and telling ME what a jerk I am. And yes, I googled “my son is an asshole”. But of course I typed it very slowly to see if it would show up in the suggested searches first cause I felt guilt for even thinking such a thing. It’s soooo hard to be a good mom!!

  28. Are you totally kidding me? This is okay? No, it’s not. There is NO room for an opinion here. Sorry, folks. I am a parent of three nearly grown kids and if I ever THOUGHT of calling them a name, I kept it to myself. Do you not realize what self-esteem issue this causes? My parents would never do this either. Are we perfect? No way. But I’m a better person than this to THINK that calling my kids assholes is acceptable. And if you think this is right, there’s something wrong with YOU!

    1. Yeah, but you thought it, didn’t you? Isn’t this what the blog is all about? I’ve one out of three sons 12,9,8 that truly has a hole moments, more than I care to count. It’s ok to find others, that deep down admit to feeling this way. And as an early comment stated, it’s because of pouring ourselves into raising them, and still…they are their own people.

  29. Oh and by the way, if the kid is not behaving well, who do you think we should be looking at? The parents are A DIRECT reflection of that child. Fess up and claim responsibility.

  30. So Nancy what your saying is it’s okay to think your kids an asshole but it’s not okay to express it. I think my 7 year old son is an asshole on a daily basis. He’s rude to others (I’m not) he hits his sister (I don’t) he destroys things that aren’t his (I don’t) he refuses to poop on the toilet but will shit himself daily (I don’t do that) he won’t brush his teeth, get dressed or do anything in general without an argument (I’m not that way) his doctor says he has objective defiant disorder. I’m old fashioned I just say HES AN ASSHOLE. His doctor says basically that’s what people call ODD……Asshole disorder. So the medical community agrees with me.
    You can ask many people I have associated with throughout my life and I bet most people would agree I’m not an asshole but someplace down the line someone must have been in my family and that’s where he gets it from.

    1. Good for you Shawn. There always has to be one do gooder shaming the rest of us. I agree nancy .. You are an asshole. A self righteous asshole! Get over yourself and your perfect parenting. This obviously is NOT the blog for you. Maybe you should look up “passive aggressive Christian do gooder mothers”

  31. Who in God’s name is the parent and who is the child here?

    Yes, of course it’s okay to think things. But if you express it, do you realize that those are words that you can’t erase from a child’s memory? If your kids are “assholes” as you say, and hits his sister and destroys things that aren’t his and won’t brush his teeth….ect…sounds like some actual PARENTING might be in order. Does anyone do that anymore? The kid needs disipline and if you’re JUST starting to do that at age 7, you might well be TOO LATE. Respect and boundaries should be instilled at a young age. If you didn’t instill it at age 2, that’s probably why you’re not getting it now.

    I don’t give a rat’s behind what the medical community says. It’s NOT okay to call your kids names.

    1. Nancy! Nowhere in my essay do I advocate or admit to calling kids bad names. Nor do any of the dozens of comments here. As you say yourself: “Yes, of course it’s okay to think things.” I think them, you think them, I express them to other adults an in my writing. Read through the comments — doing so absolved many’s shame for thinking negatively about their children. Honesty=freedom.

    1. OH poor Nancy My parents where honest respectful hardworking people, both my parents used to call us assholes and little bitches, I grew up a respectable adult i didn’t act out in public and i have a very good opinion of my self. was i perfect no, that’s usually when my mother or father would tell me your a rude little asshole. I’m not saying you are wrong but… My husbands mother is your kind of parent. Her kids and grand kids even her great grand child are lazy disrespectful sneaky thieving assholes. They have no concept of responsibility for there actions. They live off of their mother who in turn has lived of the government most of there lives. She moved in with us because her daughter will not take care of her. 6 mo ago her and her horrible kids moved in with us because they can’t pay there bills it was supposed to be till January but there still here. Did i mention her kids are adults one is 25 the other 23 and now her little asshole daughter is 18. I remember this because anytime you ask her to do something she is 18 and she can do what she wants. Which is not hold a job or go to school or clean up her room. If you say something to her in the effect of get a job you lazy brat her mother says “when you say stuff like that it hurts her feeling and her self esteem., but you will understand when you have your own kids. When her 25 year old sons daughter has to come to my house because he is to busy drinking and hoeing around she says oh he is just being a kid ok fine but im the one buying her food and clothes and pull ups and again I will understand when I have my own kids. her 23 year old is a druggy though he is my favorite one because he doesn’t lie i don’t want his friends at the home i pay for, but im a bitch. and yet again I will understand when i have my own kids. so i tried a different approach talking to my idiot sister in law it was a total wast of time ending with my mother in law telling me When I had my own children I will understand. Well today I told my mother in law to get out and take her trash with her in which her daughter replied i cant take care of my mom, and me saying why not you take care of your adult children.
      You seem like a nice person but different people require a different approach.

  32. I have a 15-year-old son. Guess what I Googled to get here. He has, I hope, hit Maximum Asshole because if he acts like more of one, he will create an Asshole Vortex that will rip apart the fabric of existence.

    You can’t be humorless and be a parent. Especially the parent of a teenager. You’d go insane. Thank you, Emma, for having this place: a place where I know I’m not alone.

    1. Shannon – this made me LOL: “I hope, hit Maximum Asshole because if he acts like more of one, he will create an Asshole Vortex that will rip apart the fabric of existence.” hahah!

      “Thank you, Emma, for having this place: a place where I know I’m not alone.” — comments like these make me feel like my work here is important. Thank YOU for that.

      1. I’ve been trying to reply by hitting the trusty “REPLY” button next to your comment, but…my buttons are being contrary. Anyway, Emma, keep on keeping on. I’m glad I landed here, regardless of the reason.

    2. This is great!! My two teenage boys are both assholes! I can so relate to the asshole vortex comment left here. Just when I think one of them has reached maximum asshole capacity, they prove me wrong and do or say something else that makes them even bigger assholes!!

  33. I have a teenage son who has been a particular ?#@*%! to me of late. He is 15 going on 30 and you cannot tell him anything because he thinks he knows everything and he is opinionated and stubborn to boot! He is frustrating me like no other of late!!!!

  34. Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
    Laser Gunner: Sorry sir! I’m doing my best!
    Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
    Major Asshole: I did sir. He’s my cousin.
    Dark Helmet: Who is he?
    Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole sir.
    Dark Helmet: I know that! What’s his name?
    Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
    Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
    Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole too sir. Gunner’s mate First Class Philip Asshole!
    Dark Helmet: How many asholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
    [Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]
    Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
    Dark Helmet: I knew it. I’m surrounded by assholes!
    [Dark Helmet pulls his face shield down]
    Dark Helmet: Keep firing, assholes!

  35. haha same way I found this site was google searching my kids are assholes what do I do ????? hilarious that I am not alone . I have 4 boys and life is tragic at moments !

  36. I think there is a kind of fortune-cookie quality to the frustration-Google. That is what I term the last ditch effort to shout out to the expansive abyss, the very ether that is the Internet, in hopes for something enlightening or at the very least helpful. I am a frustration-Googler. It seems that so are many of you. This is why I think it’s very important that we maintain our online privacy in this country. So people won’t learn that I’ve googled, “When do you know your marriage is over?” “How do you know if your bi-polar?” “My kids an asshole.” and my all time favorite, “How to poison someone just a little.” Honest is the new normal.

    1. OMG Susan you have me laughing aloud over here in Queens: “How to poison someone just a little.”

      You make a lot of great points. Ultimately my curious mind is so grateful for Google. I remember being in 7th or 8th grade, listening to REM and wondering who the eff Lennie Bruce was (as mentioned in ‘The End of the World as we Know it”), searing in our Encyclopedia Brittanica, to no avail. Hitting up an almanac of my moms. No dice. The card catalog at the local library. Nope. It wasn’t till college and I stumbled across the movie Lenny at the local video store that I got my answer.

  37. I feel a tad guilty still because I read through all the comments and did not see a 2 year old asshole. Hello my name is sahm who needs a f*cking break and my two year old son is a total asshole. Every plan I make be it from grocery shopping to vacations is all based on how miserable my asshole son will make it. I am also highly discouraged because I was hoping to find an end to the asshole phase. But you all put it into the teen years and beyond .. Fml

    Also a big thank you to Emma for being here. I too googled ” my two year old is an asshole” I appreciated all comments . .. ( except the spam and nancy)

    1. Hi SAHMNAFB – ha! thanks for chiming in. Putting on my expert advice-giving hat here … I wonder if you changed up your expectations of your kid it may switch up his behavior. My normally pretty cool 4 -year-old has for months been in the habit of waking up in the morning in the SHITTIEST mood, throwing massive tantrums and putting the whole house in a funk for the day. I found I dreaded, well, life. Then this shitshow became a self-fulfilling prophesy. So I tried something different – waking him up with a juice box. Obvs this gave his blood sugar a jump, but we also made a big deal out of it, talking about “magic juice” the night before, and how it would make him happy. It took a few days, but broke the cycle.

      Just something to think about :)

  38. I feel like crying. I hate that I hate my kid right now. but i do. 13 is the most horrible age yet. every time he comes home its misery and torture until he goes to bed which I had to set at 7;30 just to get away from him. we used to be so close. now its all about stuff and friends and girls and clothes and shoes…and no matter what I say or do its not enough. not good enough. he lies and calls me names. he is the most grumpy asshole ever and all I do is try to make him happy. well, fuck that. now instead of his punishment being go to your room no phone and no video games…its that but he also has to rub my feet and clean the guinea pig cages (we have 7 pigs/4 cages) !!! he can treat me as badly as he wants to now. lol

  39. My 6 yr old son is a Supreme Jealous Asshole. Thank God for this post. I just took my middle son out of the pool & made him go straight to his room for the night. See, he scratched his 4-year old brother so badly down his back that blood, screaming, splashing, total shitshow on display for half the neighborhood to witness was because I looked away from him for 2 seconds & he cannot stand to share me w/ his brother. Ever. I am so tired of his shit. I have tried every. Single. Piece. Of. Advice.& Read a lot of books.My 11 year old is a great kid as is my 4 yr old…they have their moments but my 6 yr old acts like Satan’s Spawn in behavioral bs phase…@ wit’s end! And anyone who judges someone by theirchild’s behavior/actions is a complete Wanker/Asshole/Piece of moldy dogshit in my book!!!! Explain my 2 well-behaved boys & my lunatic child!!!

  40. I can SO relate!
    Thank god I have a friend who is a single mom and anytime I am “loosing it” I can call her to vent.

    Yesterday I firmly but gently pushed my son through the day care’s doors and closed the door behind him, so I could get on my conf call for work.
    All Hell broke loose! He screamed and cried.
    The teacher took him outside to see me – while I was sitting in my car – on a conf call.
    The worst part – the two parents dropping off their kid at the day care – who doesn’t give them even an ounce of hard time. The mother was giving me the judgmental/critical looks – like – why would she just push him through the doors and leave him there.
    Even though this is what we do every day – minus the pushing.

    Ohhhh the shame and guilt!
    I couldn’t get out of the mindset that I am the worst parent ever!

    I am so sick and tired of other parents judging the rest of us – thinking that they would be a better parent to our children.

    Every child+parent relationship is different.
    Each child will behave differently with each of the parents.
    So, yes – if nancy would be a my son’s parent – she would be a different parent and they would have a totally different dynamic and a relationship. She would employ different discipline tactics and would have a totally different parental style.
    And if I parented her child – we’d have a different relationship.
    And thus – both parent+child couple would be differently affected by that said relationship.
    And we would raise different children.

    Having said that – Nowdays I joke – “I used to be the best parent – before I had children”.
    And that “people who don’t have children – are the best parents”.

    The best moment I can think of – is from the book “carry on, warrior” by Glennon Doyle Miller – where she says that the next time you see that frazzled and frustrated mom dealing with her tantruming child/ren – give her a smile that says “I know, I’ve been there”.

    Thank you for the blog post.
    I am a big fan of Brene’s work on shame as well.

    The way I dealt with shame and guilt yesterday was to be kind and gentle with myself and to forgive. Him, for acting that way and myself – for acting that way. None of us are perfect and oftentimes we all slip and fall flat on our faces.

    Carry on, Warrior!

    1. On the subject of confessions:

      In a fabric store, I once wandered two aisles away from my sleeping baby in a stroller (now teenasshole with a license). Exhausted myself, I just completely forgot he was there asleep and browsed away.

      An older woman started yelling, “who’s baby is this?” when I realized what had happened. She started to bitch-slap me on my return, telling me how dangerous that was and how this beautiful baby could have been kidnapped. I was on the verge of tears, but before I could say anything, her grown daughter turned to her and said “Shut up, Mom,” and then turned to reassure me “She doesn’t remember what it’s like. Stuff like this happens — it happened to me when I was raising kids. My mom probably did worse when we were little. Don’t feel bad. We’re all doing our best.”

      I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. This blog and these comments are the equivalent. A little laughter to fuel the sometimes thankless job of being a parent. Thank you.

      1. Ha! Great story — funny and heartfelt. Thanks for sharing, it warmed my evening after my sometimesassholes just got to bed :) xx

  41. LMAO! This is too funny! And why do some parents make excuses for their “ass hole” kids instead of addressing the issue? I know one mom that says “Oh, he’s just being stupid.”…. She might as well be saying “Oh, he’s just being an ass hole.” lol. She’s in this blur of utopia mommyhood while her and her kids are driving everyone else nuts! She thinks she’s doing her kids a favor by saving them every time they do something wrong, but really she’s raising them to be ass hole adults.

    Kids are people like adults… everyone can be an ass hole at some point in their life. I know my kids can be ass holes and I do my best to address the ass holiness before they ass hole their way through adulthood. Ass-holiness can turn into a disease (like narcissism), and if not controlled or addressed, can prevent jobs, relationships, opportunities. lol Don’t feel bad for providing disciplin for “ass holish” behavior. You are doing your kids a favor :)

  42. OMG, so glad that I found this post. No, I would never call my child names to their faces that’s just wrong. But I think, in recognizing their multiple dispositions, googling “my kid is an asshole” (and that is exactly what I googled, after sweetly saying goodnite, I love you and knowing that they are tucked safely in their beds), as parents we realize that kids are people. Grumpy, tired, hungry, assholes. They can also be smart, funny, witty and usually have amazing hearts. And we grow, just a little and can accept that loving an asshole (child, relative, spouse) means loving ALL of their amazing personalities.

    Most days, I feel like an EPIC failure as a parent. I’m certain that I am ruining them and their precious little self-esteem. I’m certain that it is my fault that my son, 9, is an ass and my beautiful daughter, 7, is a snotty little bitch, despite my best efforts to raise them right, provide for them and teach them how to be decent human beings; especially to each other. But, I also have nothing to compare to. My mother was bat-shit crazy so anything is pretty much an improvement over her parenting skills.

    After having read these posts, I realized that GOOD parents recognize and accept when their child is an asshole and that it is possible to LOVE them in spite of themselves. The most frustrating thing is wanting so much to give them everything and to give them all the right opportunities and to make sure that we have bonded with them enough. Oh, god, have we done enough for our little assholes yet? Can we please just sit on the couch and stop trying to be perfect fucking parents!

    I accept the fact that my kids are themselves with me, which means at the end of the day of being diplomatic with their friends, getting along and basically behaving in a socially acceptable manner for what can be a VERY long day for kids (whether its school or daycare) they come home and basically dump. I’m actually honored that they behave this way with me and it can be frustrating and overwhelming for any parent to get the “asshole” child.

    So, I feel better now, knowing that yes, my child can be and act like an asshole from time to time and I hope that its a phase that he will grow out of. And if not, then one day, someone will in fact call him an asshole to his face. And then what? Will I be the EPIC failure of a parent that my child grew up to be an asshole and someone else called him out on it? No. I will be the parent who will say, Gee, honey, I’m really sorry someone called you an asshole. Do you think its possible, that at that moment you were in fact acting like an asshole? Yes, yes, in fact, you are an asshole. Oh, but can’t we all be assholes at times? I think I have even said outloud, at work, I’m kinda being an asshole right now.

    So here’s to raising great kids and hopefully decent human beings.

    1. “I think I have even said outloud, at work, I’m kinda being an asshole right now.”

      LOL!! Keep being an asshole, aka a normal person and a perfectly respectable parent. xo

  43. Great post, my kid is an utter asshole and the only reason I keep myself from telling my 6-year-old son “you’re such an asshole ” is because he is an asshole and he would them start calling everyone from the store clerk to the car driving too slow an asshole…some things need to just be mumbled at this age. But I’ve no issue pointing out you’re being a jerk or a bully or mean, save asshole until he’s at least seven.

  44. And I suspect you weren’t loved enough as a child and this is your worthless attempt at finding acceptance, even though your website itself has “wealthy” in the name, so you’re a cunt seeking acceptance while excluding the less fortunate. ….

    1. Ew, I just saw the nasty comments right before mine. To clarify: my thanks are to Emma and the other parents of assholes, not that judgey “stfu” person.

  45. Oh my god!, these posts are really funny! I just stumbled on this blog because I googled “My two year old is constantly up my ass”. Thinking I might get some insight on how to keep him busy ON HIS OWN sometimes. This reminded of a time when my wife and I went out with some friends and one of them referred to his son as an asshole. My wife was pregnant at the time. I told her that I can’t believe that someone would refer to their child as an asshole, I would never do that, that’s horrible! She agreed. Now, fast forward two years, my son is screaming at the top of his lungs because he has to do everything himself including opening doors, turning off lights, and putting the DVD into the DVD player (all at the most inconvenient times mind you). I can’t even go to the bathroom without him on the other side of the door screaming to get in. After about the third time he punched me in the nuts I yelled at him and he laughed. I looked at my wife and said “what an asshole!”. We both started laughing.

  46. Wait till your kid is 20 years old and decides a life of pill snorting, lying, and stealing is the way to go- then they truely arrive at “asshole”

  47. I’ve got two teenaged stepsons who I love with every bit of everything I am – I’ve been raising them since they were toddlers. That said, there are times when they are total assholes. And now that they’re older, I feel comfortable calling them on it – “Dude, I’m not going to have this conversation if you’re going to act like a douche.” “You know what? When you decide to stop being a dick, and can talk civil again, you can have your laptop back”. I think it connects with them better than “That’s unacceptable, please don’t be disrespectful”. They know kids that are dicks and douches… they don’t want to be one.

  48. I have two young children, I love the crap out of them and…they can be total assholes at times.

    Then again, I am a total bitch at times. No one’s perfect. ;)

  49. I often compare dealing with a angry 2 year old like dealing with a belligerent drunk person to my friends without kids. They don’t want to listen, always think their right, do things they know are wrong, sometimes break things just because, and are loud and obnoxious regardless of the place they are in. And what do you call a drunk belligerent person??…an asshole!

  50. I found this post by exasperatedly googling “why are teenagers such dicks?” and it helped a lot, thanks! We are all complete assholes sometimes and that is easy to forget. And certainly a big part of growing up is learning to hide the fact that you’re an asshole, and use it to your advantage… er… I mean to grow up and learn not to be an asshole.

  51. I just googled “how to live after 15 years old son called you a F@CKING BITCH”… So, here I am!
    Most of the posts made me feel sad. No, not because of what it says but b/c of DESPERATE feeling what’s behind it. We, parents are screaming out here… We do everything for kids, we love them, cherish them, breath for them… And in return, we get being called names, thrown the scandals, and anything possible what is listed here… How sad…. I never thought my parenting skills would bring me to such topic. I’m not judging anyone, god forbid, I’m not teaching anyone either… I’m stating the facts of my parenting trying to figure out what I did wrong! As someone else said here before, I did everything not to repeat mistakes of my mother parenting. My son is (was) a good kid anyone would be happy to have, straight A student, gifted programs, sport, handsome, happy, funny (not so good with his sister though). But there was always one problem: he couldn’t stand losing in a sport games on the Xbox. He would yell, scream at anyone who would walk in his room during those games. Losing would make him aggressive… As one would understand, if something irritates something one need to remove the cause of irritation. The sport games should be out. That’s what I thought. However, my ex (we divorced for almost 4 years now), wants to win our son affection at any price. His “father-son” special time mostly confines of playing sport games on giant projection screen and watching football. Even though that I was bringing thus fact to my ex’s attention many times, he seems to be ok with how our son acts..
    Yesterday, I took my son to GameStop, he wanted to trade-in old sports games and some new ones. I was happy to get rid of it. As son as we arrived, he started to search for another sport game, I told him “no”, mentioning that it makes him to aggressive, and its affects me, his, sister, and my mother who around him. We were quietly arguing in a hush tone. All of the sudden he grabbed my forearm quite painfully but quickly released it. After that, he stopped looking for games announcing that he will comeback here with his dad and will get his sport game (which, according to him, doesn’t make him frustrated, or a company which produces that game to be specific.). I left the store after him. As soon as we got in the car, my son announced: “You are FUCKING BITCH! You can’t stop me from buying the sport game, I’m 15 years old!”. I was in complete disbelief of what I just heard and shock… All that coming from him???
    We were driving in silence. In the end I told him that I will not participate even with a dime in buying a car once he will get his license in 2 years. He can beg his father for it or start to collect money. And that I want him back to his father phone cell account. I don’t want to worry about being over the limit with the data. He told me that he wants to go his dad that evening (that was the first time ever when he asked to go to his dad on my weekend for other reason than to watch a football together). I told him to tell everything to his dad. My ex called me pretty soon and started with “he has no wright to grab your arm and called you names”… Pretty soon, the conversation shifted to “yes, I know that sport games makes him crazy, but what else he can do, if you (I) don’t even let him to walk to the store (I live near “A&P” store) alone…?” I do not not letting him walk alone, I just don’t see a single child crossing the highway (a bit smaller than highway) and walking alone toward that store. I am sure that my son is capable and smart enough o do that, I just not comfortable with idea that there are so many crazy people out there who can take advantage of 14-15 years old walking alone… So, my ex was at his best “playing” both hands: you are right and he is right. A child is becomes aggressive while playing sports games, but what else this child is can do if you even not letting this child to walk alone to the store… Do you follow this logic??? I can’t talk to that stupid man…Our son used to have friends and to go play a hoop with them but not anymore, b/c he has dad to play games and b/c he is playing those games alone… Last words from my ex was “I will bring him to the therapist, we obviously can’t work this out as a parent”, as he came to pick up our son (who at that moment told me “I know I was wrong by saying that but you are wrong too by not letting me to do anything..”). I asked, “to do what”? And he replied that “I didn’t even allow him to walk alone to the store”.. I was speechless. He was repeating his dad’s words… Going to the therapist? Is it an answer? My ex and I spent 6 months in the therapy, trying to save our marriage. During the divorce my ex confessed to me that he lied during all that time in therapy b/c all that stupid and big bullshit… P.S. I don’t use cusswords in my house. Ever…

  52. The comments give me hope, the simple fact that other parents share the same sentiment. It freaks me out that I googled “my kids are assholes” to figure out how to make it stop. My kids are actually fine most of the time. They are spoiled and are attention-whores and don’t appreciate anything like I want them to. They are demanding and rude and whiny and annoying. They interrupt me all the time. I feel like I’m drowning in KID. They aren’t even little toddlers anymore, when pretty much everyone is an asshole. They are approaching a more mature age, which worries me.
    I was thinking about why it’s so hard to be a mom. It’s harder to be a mom if you’re actually a good one. Kind of like how painting, or any skill can become more difficult when you’re good at it. Maybe because you notice more, try harder, get confused easily, and over-think everything. The more you know, the harder it gets. Being a mom who is interested in her kids, and wants to respond to them and help them grow feels like a total failure when she realizes they are assholes. How could this be the result of all my hard work? It makes total sense though. Kids who are given everything don’t appreciate what it’s like not to have everything.

  53. Bravo!!! Well said! And thank you, also. My oldest has been a difficult um “person” since birth. I like being able to tell her now that she’s 16 to stop acting like an asshole. I’d say the very same thing to one of my best friends if they deserved it. We’re all assholes at times and it takes out closest allies to let us know so we can correct it. Because if people who don’t like us take notice of our asshole-ness they proclaim it to the world without giving us any chance to fix it first. It’s kinda like having a booger hanging out of your nose. A good friend would save you the embarrassment by bringing it to your attention. Your enemy will point, laugh and announce it for the world to hear.

  54. Let’s berate our kids and think of them as assholes because that will clearly fix the issue and it teaches them super amazing effective parenting skills. This will make them well adjusted adults so they know how to deal with their ineveitably “asshole” kids. I’m sorry that people call you the same nasty names as you call your kids and you end up taking it out on them. Do you go to a gym and make fun of someone who’s overweight but trying to learn a healthy lifestyle? Then don’t come down on someone who is actively trying to mature and be an adult, if they have no motivation to become an adult, ask them what happened in their childhood that they can’t let go of. I guess if none of that works you should just jump to the “my kid is an asshole” approach because it helps you sleep better at night. Logic, reason, patience, and understanding are not virtues that everyone possesses, it’s a wonder why some people are assholes and some aren’t. Some people also believe that the things their kids learn behaviorly are not due to their own actions.

  55. I thought the website “wealthysinglemommy” was supposed to be satirical but I can see that it’s just a reflection of your attention seeking and a coping mechanism to overcompensate for your low self esteem. Don’t expect oranges to grow from an apple tree, don’t expect perfect little human beings to come from a jaded and spiteful person.

  56. Final thought, the book go the f–k to sleep is not written for parents who think their kids are assholes, it can be interpreted in many ways but maybe people should recognize that it shows most parents go through the same ordeal and it’s up to the parent how they handle it

    1. Exactly the point of the post and the overwhelming popularity of this two-year-old post underscores how it resonates with caring parents. Thank you for your enthusiastic input.

  57. I have seven children ranging from 18 down to 2. It is of course parenting, but mostly, I think it’s the gene pool. My 16 yr old son, who is funny and charming, handsome and talented, is also an a*******. I love him dearly, but sometimes I can’t stand him. Every day he grows to resemble my father, an equally amazing person, with the same shitty temperament, too sensitive to his environment and impulsive and emotional to reflect and experience empathy. I try to remember that what comes out of him is a reflection of the misery inside, not a reflection of me. 5 of my children are easygoing and incredibly kind, well-behaved, polite, gifted with remarkable temperaments. His youngest sister is very similar to him, with a bigger temper. I always used to chuckle when I’d go from room to room at parent-teacher conferences, one moment complimented for my amazing parenting, the next disparaged. Funny thing is my bond is greater the harder I have to work to parent these troubled souls in our difficult relationships.

    Sometimes we win the gene pool lottery and sometimes we don’t, but most of all we need to try to have empathy for these kids, because they will always struggle, and do our best to bring out their best and ours, forgiving ourselves as much as possible. Sometimes the things that make them awful will one day make them great, that energy and passion can be good. We must keep hope.

    Wendy, thank you, your post made me realize what I need to do in a moment of hopelessness and defeat, get back up, brush ourselves off and keep trying. Often, to avoid it getting to me, when he is really hurtful, I do something simple and nice for myself, polish my nails or read an article locked in the bathroom, make a hot cocoa. It helps a lot to keep myself from losing my self-esteem. I tell his sisters that too, pamper yourself when people give you a hard time, remind yourself you are wonderful, keep strong and carry on!

  58. I don’t know about asshole, but my daughter is definitely a bitch and not someone I would be friends with. I had hoped that we would have that close, loving mother-daughter relationship that I had always dreamed of, but that ain’t gonna happen!! She is introverted, secretive, solitary and usually wants nothing to do with me or her sister. She speaks rudely and makes faces when she does speak that make us feel stupid. Yup…. Class A bitch! Lucky me!

  59. Though childless, I have been a teacher for over thirty years. I have known quite a few child assholes. I have known parents who look at me incredulously when I ask them to talk to little Jimmy or Jane about his or her behavior. However, I have also known many wonderful, intelligent, delightful children whose parents are equally amazed when I tell them what a asset their child is to the classroom. So, though your children may be assholes at home, where they feel loved unconditionally, please know that when your child’s teacher oohs and aahs over your kid, you have done a great job teaching your child his responsibility to society and, given time, you will see the wonderful human you have raised,

  60. Thank you Emma! I searched “my teenager is an asshole” and ended up here just like so many others in the feed.

    Like a prior poster, I typed it slowly to see what would pop up and how many other horrible mothers are out there. :)

    Holy shit this makes me feel better. And you know all those people who are posting those negative judgmental things don’t have kids!!! Anyway people we hear enough from you in real life. Stay off of our asshole blog!!!!

  61. My 17 year old is an asshole. I love him to death however he’s an asshole. I never ever thought that I would say …I can’t wait for him to leave and have life slap the shit out of him. And the people out there that don’t have kids or your kids are “perfect” search their room, phone or FB account I beat their not!! And YOU are in denial. God Bless

  62. I am so relieved to have found this blog by also googling “my child is an asshole” in search of advice. MY SON IS CRAZY!!!!!! That nutcase drives me insane! He’s like Taz, from the cartoon……destroys everything in his path. I love him, would jump in front of a speeding bus, and kill anyone twice if they hurt him but he is such a……..HEMORRHOID<<<< I love that word substitute, thanks Vickie…… at times. This is one of them.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

  63. Not that long ago I called my kids “little headaches” in front of them. They weren’t particularly naughty at the time and I was half joking, but my 5 year old said “we’re not headaches” and I told her, “sometimes you two give me headaches.” I don’t swear at, to, or around my kids because I don’t want them doing it. But I appreciate the sentiment of “go the f to sleep.” Especially when they were babies. Go to sleep! I’m tired!

  64. This is an old thread but came up when I typed something in regarding cussing in front of my kid. I didn’t call him a name, but a neighbor of mine yelled at my son yesterday to thr point he was tears, for not wanting to be friends with her son who is 4 years older than my kid. I got so wound up over this on the phone with my friend and referred to this evil woman as a “dick faced bitch”. My son laughed (he is nine) and asked why I called her that and I replied “she looks like someone hit her across the face with a dick!”. OMG did I really just tell my kid that? What would that even look like? It just flew out of my mouth. To my horror my son said “yea and her mouth is a dick hole!” Ugh I feel like an awful mom!

  65. Well I was having a nightmare day I googled my son is a asshole lol and sure enough this was the first thing that came up and now I feel much better I gave my son a kiss I said inknow ur a asshole but ur my asshole I love you he said I love you too mommy. This post probably saves me this afternoon

  66. Sometimes people look at me when I call my kids names. I am a great mother, though. My kids are really awesome. I could write a list of all their great qualities but really sometimes my son is a dick and my daughter a stark raving bitch. I’m glad I’m not alone…


  68. Wait until they get to be teens. I’m convinced it is natural for them to act so horribly — if they didn’t, we’d find it harder to let them go.

  69. I came across this blog by googling ‘my son is an arsehole’… Honestly…. And he…. His attitude stinks, he retaliates to any acts of authority, he is rude, disrespectful and unkind, he does things out of spite and he doesn’t do things because he genuinely seems not to care. Do I call him an arsehole to his face? No. Do I say he’s acting like an idiot despite not actually being one, yep, on an almost daily basis, because he is. At 15 years old my son who is bright, loved, well looked after and not spoilt is slowly and single-handedly ruining his own future

  70. I’m 12 and children are not arseholes so don’t call us it. We sometimes do stupid thins and behave like arseholes however we are not arseholes.

  71. I meant things not thins, sorry for the bad sentence structure and spelling mistake in the previous comment.

  72. Why does it say I posted it at 4:08 when it is 9:13 my clock is right. Is the blog from a different country?

  73. My kid is an asshole, he is a 13 yo spoiled rotten little asshat. He knows I love him, I tell him all the time, but wow.. He acts like he is 5, he screams and throws tantrums when he doesnt get his own way! He does this in front of strangers, in the stores, in the mall. It’s embarassing! AND yes I have called him an asshole in public. I get looks sometimes, but when he is in full tantrum people do agree.. But God forbid someone else calls him an asshole

  74. I love this article and it is so true! My 5 year old whines and acts like an asshole everyday and some days I just want to tell him what an asshole he is! I love people who are real and admit parenting can suck sometimes and so can our kids!

  75. I’m a late comer to this page- found it completely by accident. This page is awesome! and mellee’s use of the term “asshat”. Oh my gosh. Perfect description of my little one’s behavior when she doesn’t get her way. And all 5 of the children before her made “asshole” into an art form. Thank god they usually grow out of it. I’m glad someone finally said it out loud!

  76. Ok, I’m a teenager and just wanted to say that parents don’t get us. Yes, they are trying to do what they think is best and I understand that, but you guys never let us talk about how we feel. My parents make the stupidest rules and wonder why i’m such a brat when they don’t let me do stuff like sleep over at my friends house because they have no reason not to let me. Every time we try to say whats on our minds and how we feel or the truth you guys yell at us and say were lying or ground us. Maybe as the parents you need to let us say whats on our minds and not yell at us for every stupid little thing we do. We make misstates like you do, but since were underage we get yelled at, how is that fair! I’d like all parents to think this over and give there kid a voice, because you don’t know whats going on with them. I’m always really depressed when I’m home because my parents just constantly yell and are never happy with what ever I do. This is the only way I can have a voice and I bet a lot of other teens will agree with me.

  77. I don’t think calling kids ‘assholes’ is the right word to describe them. I think little shits better describes them. Somebody that cuts you off, then gives you a dirty look… that’s an asshole. Kids are stupid. My little girl today was a little shit. Screaming her head off as we left the fair. I let my wife take her out because she’s a product of HER upbringing and teachings. She created the monster, now she’s paying the price and I’m loving it. Anytime I’d try to discipline her, “Oh no, a 1 minute time-out… aren’t you being a little harsh?” That leads me to my next point. Women are stupid too. They read all these dumbass parenting tips, magazines and psychology articles on how one thing you do will cause your kid to grow up and be a serial killer. Here’s the bottom-line. Kids need discipline… or they’ll be little shits.

    1. That’s exactlky how my husband feels but will that work on an 11 year old boy?? Everyone tells me it’s a phase but he is such a jerk and it scares me because he gets so upset that I feel he might end up hurting himself. He gets mad over everything, I’m sick of walking over eggshells for him just to avoid a fight.

  78. My son is 6 and I love him to bits but boy is he an asshole recently, he’s rude, aggressive and thinks he can do what he wants when he wants and that he knows best when it comes to absolutely everything, all my own fault for trying to make sure he doesn’t go without (spoiling him) but anyone would think he’s 16 with the smart answers and attitude like many other I found this blog by googling ‘my child is an arse’ and thankfully I did what a brilliant way to let parents know they aren’t terrible parents for thinking these things. And with a bit of humour too.. Hopefully they grow out of it!!

  79. I love how so many people googled their kid is an asshole.. I did the same “my 5 year old is an asshole” in hopes to find others to relate with I fear there is no help or advice but I see I am not alone.. I love him so much but I actually told him tonight he is an asshole.. Bad Mom award right here.. I noticed he was an asshole at 3 and kept thinking he would grow out of it. Preschool they had me get him in play therapy where basically she told me after they did some testing on him sensory disorder/autism stuff that it seems he is an asshole (she wouldn’t actually say it, but I know what she meant). He can be the sweetest person in the world for 20 minutes then spend 2 hrs on the other end..

  80. I am sitting here at 3 am because I feel like shit for calling my son a dumb ass and an idiot and well a few other things at times.. he is 13.. then I told him “I’m calling you an asshole because I don’t want you to grow up to be an asshole dammit!”
    he is one a those kids gets good grades does his chores but somehow manages to do shit I tell him not to all the time.. it drives me fucking nuts.. I think wait.. he is a good kid.. on paper.. truth is he is a sneaky little shit who used all my duct tape when I said don’t use my fucking duct tape.. I needed my duct tape guess what? the SHITS GONE! so I blew my stack then he is sleeping like a baby I’m up at 3 am feeling guilty.. damn he is good.. rotten little shit I love more than anything in the world.

  81. I love my son more than life itself. But I’ll admit I found this post by googling “my son is an asshole”. Thank you so much for making me feel normal. I think I love you …

  82. It sounds like the real assholes here are all of these awful people who call themselves parents and mothers. If you think your child is being an, “asshole” it’s because you’re seeing yourself in them. Realize that they are just children and you’re the worthless, “adults” ripping on your kids over the Internet. So thank you for breeding and raising more people like yourselves… thid is why some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids.

  83. I’ve worked with the public for years. I’ve seen it all. I’ve been punched, pushed, ran over, yelled at, swore at, threatened…. it’s not that your kids are assholes….. Americans are assholes. This country is brimming with arrogant, lazy entitled morons who have no work ethic or respect for anything. It’s funny to me how people obsess over who the president is going to be in 2016 when we fail to acknowledge just how socially fucked we are. Huge % of people in jail. Huge % of single moms. Huge % of divorce. Listen up, shitheads: the boat may look all nice and shiny on the outside but the wood of the hull is rotten, full of worms, and huge leaks. Your kids are doomed. You can’t help them. They are enculturated into the most misogynistic, war mongering, ignorant, overly religious, under educated, disrespectful, decadent society in the developed world. Christ! We cant even care for our own sick properly! How in the name of golden donkey dicks do you think your kids are going to make it out OK? Your kids being assholes are a) the least of our problems and b) a byproduct of a broken culture. But, hey, at least you can get them to shut their bratty pie holes for 10 minutes if you stick an ipad in their chubby, greedy little hands. Hahahahha.

    1. Then please explain to me a kid raised in a house where he has been respected has all our support and has never been mistreated?
      Please tell me through years of camps and never missing a school function or not sitting and listening to him has taught him to do whatever he is told not to?
      A home the is well kept 2 parents that are responsible adults and work hard but have never not made time for him or let him down..
      please explain to me since we are all not caring assholes why we are here looking for help?
      My son earns gas for his dirt bike by doing chores.. he is punished when he does wrong and has been raised to see our family as a team working together yet here I am
      please share your wisdom with us?

  84. I love my children to death but all three can be such assholes! The oldest is about to turn 21 and thinks she knows everything. The worst part is that I’m contributing to her college education, and she’s in her third year and my other two are now in college, so her school basically gave her grant money that pays all but a small amount so now she goes around saying “you don’t pay a dime for me anymore!” Umm how about the car I let you take to college and insurance, book money, etc? Ungrateful shit! And they come home for breaks and trash my house like little pigs. Asshole is a fitting description despite my love for them.

    1. Oh, I’d pull it all back. They can walk to school. My niece pulled the I’m an adult now thing with my sister so she immediately said, OK. As of this date you will now be paying this much rent and utilities. Being an adult means adult responsibilities. We are now roommates. Since then, my sister and my niece get along just fine. She pays her bills and they leave her alone. I will be doing the same thing with my son. If he pulls any shit, I will buckle down on him. And he knows it.

      I’m sorry your kid is treating you with such disrespect. You can buckle down on her too. You could remove anything you pay for and let her figure it out. She wants to be an adult, let her be one. Real life doesn’t come without some growing paigns and struggles. An adult will figure that out. She’ll either change her attitude or she’ll eventually work out her own problems.

  85. Are there any books someone would recommend? My 11 year old is turning into an asshole (just like his father) he made me cry today. I want to nip this in the bud before his entitled asshole behavior spins too far out of control. Help!

  86. I just about fell over reading this! I’m 14 and I’m probably an asshole too! I try to not be an ass though because I think that the younger kids do it on purpose so that they can annoy everyone else. My parents sort of just let them do what ever they want. For example “I don’t like cream of mushroom soup!” my parents would respond “Ok then I will cook you something else”. It makes me cringe. I hate it when they yell back or talk back. I feel like they need to be told by an older sibling that they are a bitch. Pardon my french but I personally think that will keep them inline (very temporarily). My parents also dealt with drug problems a few years back, so I took on the parent role for my younger brother and sister. And don’t get me wrong if they ever said to me “I don’t like this food” or “Why are you so mean” I would respond with “Well your gonna eat it any way or we are going to have some issues” or “Look at the bitch who is talking”. I may be young and might have missed this whole “essay” but I think that they need to be told what they are acting like or forced to do something so that way the will realize that it is actually something enjoyable. Sorry about my rant,


  87. I would like to start off with a simple comment: the article…. was well written but definitely to be taken with a grain of salt and heavy rationalizing.
    I guess everyone needs to vent now and then. But, it crossed my mind…Kinda wonder what your reaction would be if you ever found a tab on your husbands computer that reads “Asshole Wife” or vice versa, though. Or on your children’s computer reading “asshole parents’. What would your reaction be?Accepting that they needed to vent and are human….angry as hell, more like. Be real, guys.
    Talk to your families instead of airing out your laundry on the internet for random trolls of this place (i,e, Elijah) to prey on and get a kick out of.
    Best of luck for everyone on here, though….I hope you find what you are looking for.

  88. You have no idea how much better I feel after reading these comments! My 22 year old daughter is a TOTAL asshole and has been for most of her life! Thank you! I am smiling now!

  89. I have a 16 year old that wants to go and get his permit so he can take the 5 hour on the 20th of March – meanwhile, he had a party at our house on Saturday night while I was out of town, was failing the 10th grade 2nd quarter, and just called me a fucking bitch, and that he hates me. Plus we do go to counseling each week, just came back from Drug recovery because he won’t stop smoking pot – was put on PINS by the school because he is out spoken and yells at teachers who are obliviously less intelligent than he. This crap has been going on since the 7th grade. I have tried everything – but I do need to work for a living. I am a single Mom – the Dad is deceased and the step Dad was always yelling and getting no where. I thought if I separated the two it would get better, now he just takes it out on me. He lies, steals and is just a punk. He can be a fantastic kid, but only when he wants something. I sit here and cry – and just don’t know anymore – I am so tired of getting verbally abused by my son who is 16 years of age. Someone please help me….

    1. Your story is identical to mine. My son uses me, my son is a narsisist. I’m in the process of trying to accept it and find happiness. He has ruined my life for two years and could care less. We have to start taking care of ourselves and nature and karma deal with these boys. I’m done.

  90. Calling your children assholes or other names to their face is not acceptable. Teenagers are going through a rough period of change and they need support, not criticism, from their parents to get through it. I am a 14 year old girl, and I may not be perfect, but I do always try to be a good daughter. Many times, my parents have called me stupid, rude, ungrateful, selfish, an asshole, and a bitch.

    This name calling, which I have received for arguing with my sister (after she insulted me), staying up too late doing homework (I get straight As and study very often), and more, has caused a lot of damage to the relationship between my parents and I.

    It has made me feel unloved.

    In turn, I act out more to them when I am angry.

    So if your kid is an asshole, it may be because they are going through psychological changes- which is not their fault.

    Calling them names only makes the situation worse.

    Really, imagine if you were being called this by people you thought loved you and respected you.

    The solution to these “assholes”- show your kid respect. If you don’t give them respect, then why should you expect it back? You may feel that they need to respect you first, but remember- they are under a lot of pressure to succeed in school and may be going through a drastic change. So be the bigger person. Guide them through this time of their life.

    Most kids feel as if parents never listen to their side of the story.

    When I do something my mother deems as wrong, she never listens to my explanation.

    She doesn’t know what happened, yet she punishes me and calls me bad names.

    She even said that karma made her have me because she acted rudely to her parents.

    That made me feel devalued and worthless. It made me feel like a burden, and that is not right.

    She once even told me I was selfish when I was upset that a restaurant I wanted to go to was full on MY BIRTHDAY. She was the one being selfish and ruining the day for me. She didn’t understand at all that teenagers are more emotional than adults. She didn’t even try to make me feel better.

    If your child is doing drugs or seriously misbehaving, then that is a problem. But if he or she just has a bad attitude, then work it out rather than swear at them.

    Think about being in their shoes. Show them the right way to behave by behaving in the right way- which means not belittling others by calling them names.

  91. Our adult children are the most evil entitled monsters you could imagine. They violated our trust, stole our network, planted microphones and cameras throughout our home and used the devices to invade, record and stream our privacy. They did this will accepting holiday/birthday gifts and money for college etc. They felt entitled to more of our money than we were willing to hand over so they used the recording of our privacy to destroy our careers and relationships. They are narcissistic, cruel and entitled. They hated us, treated us with disdain but wanted as much as they could get out of us. Future parents beware!

  92. I found you after googling “my four-year-old is an asshole.” Reading that I’m not the only parent to do this had me feeling so much better and less alone on what has to be one of the more trying days I’ve had as a mom. Such a spring of love (and relief) sprang from my heart that I immediately kissed my son on the head and told the little shit how much I love him.

  93. I think it all stems from the realization that children are simply not the beautiful, wonderful little people that the world (and all those stupid parenting books) keeps wishing they were. They simply are not. They are ill-mannered, greedy, impatient animals. They are simply a pain in the a**. Nearly every kid I’ve ever known, including my own (who grew up to be wonderful adults who I love and admire), was a pain in a**. Ask yourself, honestly, if you were going on an outing, or shopping, or to a restaurant, or spending the day doing something fun for yourself, would it really truly be more fun to have those kids around or not? If you say it’s more fun with the kids, you are either that 1 in 1000 lucky people or you are a damned liar. Most of the time, being with them is a chore, interspersed with sparling wonderful moments when we laugh and smile and remember why we are parents. But overall, it is a tiring chore.

    And our job as parents is to put up with all that as patiently as we can – to discipline, teach, love, and correct, so that they stop being animals and grow into kind, well-adjusted, self-sufficient adults.

    But along the way to getting there, yep, they are assholes. So get used to it.

  94. In the adult world, these words are called insults. Your child probably does not find these words as funny as you do.

  95. Everyone knows famous line credited to Will Roger’s, but it is far less know that it is actually an edited version of a longer quote “I’ve never met a man i didn’t like. However, I’ve never met a kid that wasn’t an asshole!”

  96. My 15 year old daughter just flipped out at her dad and I. She has had this whole weekend to do her math homework and she has chosen to wait until this Sunday afternoon to do it. Earlier, we all agreed to meet up for a family movie night at 6pm, but since her homework was not finished we had said it can not start until homework is done. So we were yelled at and accused of being bad parents, for not keeping our word. Then it was our fault that there was an argument.

    I calmly even said to my daughter that I am not yelling and you always say it takes two to fight. I will not fight with you, but I will let you know that movie night can not start at 6pm unless all your homework is done. She continued to say she would do it after the movie, but I stayed firm and smiled as she has pulled that lie waaaaay too many times. I even said I love you sweetheart and there is no movie until homework is done. You have until 8pm, if homework is not finished by then, then no movie, but if done then we can all enjoy this movie. She stormed off and said that we are acting stupid. That was when my husband started to yell at her and ground her all week for being rude.

    Wow … it amazes me still, how thoughtless and arrogant and self centered our offspring are. As others mentioned, the apple does not fall far from the tree, but man oh man, I think my mom would have let me rot if I was that rotten. Heck maybe I was. Either way, I have the wonderful joy of having a rotten apple just like me. I keep hoping that will love and lots and lots of sugar she will be okay.

    And yes, I to feel better when I walk away and say in my head … what a bitch!!! I have never and would never say it to my daughter’s face, but I think it often and somehow it makes me feel better. It is like chocolate. Dark chocolate improves our mood because it causes the release of serotonin into the brain. Well when I release a ‘bitch’ thought and send it to the universe then it improves my mood, cause I feel like it is gone and I am moving on.

    Good luck to all you parents who really do love your children, even though they are thoughtless little shits…… sometimes. The other times, there are beautiful lovely moments and I would not trade them for anything. Is it too late to cancel Christmas…???

  97. My son is going on 15. I’ve never coddled him, but we still cuddle in front of the tv. I tell him I love him all the time, but he’s acting like a butt, moron, inconsiderate ass, etc. We’ve talked about it many times and he’s says that it doesn’t bother him. He says he knows the difference between when I’m infuriated, frustrated, annoyed, or just screwing with him. I have a lot of respect from him and I provide opportunity for a lot of Independence. It comes at a cost. I have rules and expectations. If he does something stupid or fails due to the lack of motivation or laziness, then he’s going to hear about it. I can really nag. Nag nag nag. I believe in building resilient kids with thick skin. He’s pretty thick skinned. We also play fight a lot but we need to stop now because secretly, he’s kicking my ass. He’s bigger than me now, yikes. Anyways, he was bullied a lot in junior high because he was a minority white in a mostly Hispanic school. I don’t regret how I’ve raised him to this point. I’ve heard he’s very laid back and didn’t take the bullying too personally. He once told me karma gets them. They either get their butt beat by someone else who also gets into trouble, or their parents find out and embarrass them in front of the school. He says after a few times they leave him alone because they don’t get a rise out of him. He doesn’t feed the beast. How’s that for maturity? I would have fought. Do I think I’m an asshole? Absolutely. Could I be a better parent? Well, nobody is an expert, not even the experts. There’s no 100% proven parenting method. Our personalities shape how we raise, see and interact with our kids. As a single parent, I think I’m doing a kick-ass job. Neighbors, son’s friends parents, and many people have told me my son is polite and has manners. He introduces himself and says thank you. His friends even like me. They say I’m cool. It’s so weird. I’m so mouth and vulgar. My kid doesn’t even use profanity yet. Figure that one out.

  98. I literally called my son an asshole tonight and felt so guilty I Google what happens when you when call your son an asshole and found this blog… thank you for helping me realize I am a person and an imperfect pparent is ok

  99. I got here the same way as a number of people .. calling my ‘kids’ (they’re 29 & 36 yoa) in google.
    I often wish they had never been born .. as does my wife. They have both been horrid most of the time since their teens and now are truly awful. Of course I blame myself .. was I too liberal/open/friendly? I don’t know .. I just wonder how I managed to produce two such awful people.
    They both have occasional outbreaks of sunny goodwill .. unfortunately rarely. They are both so subsumed by their totally selfish indulgences that they have little time for anyone else.
    My conclusion is that it is an unfortunate coincidence of genetic material .. all of my brothers and sisters and all of my wife’s brothers and sisters are fine folk, as are all of their children. Ours seem to be alone in their horridness. Tough Luck, I guess.

    1. Further to my previous post, both of them were wonderful kids! Up ’til their early teens, they were terrific, I loved them completely and I considered myself blessed!

  100. Ha! Never saw this post till now. I got here by googling “how to forgive my asshole 4yr old every 10 minutes”. Already feel 100% better! Kids are just dicks sometimes and parents need to find comfort elsewhere then come back and parent. thanks for that comfort!

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