Hey single moms — don’t sneak lovers in when the kids are asleep, k?

Don’t be scared, kids! It’s just a burglar.  


About this time last year I dated for a minute a cute single dad. On a rare weeknight date in my neighborhood, after a shared pitcher of sangria, one thing led to the proverbial other and we wondered where we might convene. After all, his kids were home with a babysitter and my kids were home with a babysitter. I won’t lie: I was tempted to invite him up to my place, settle the tab with sitter and pray to sweet baby Jesus that the kids didn’t awake in the middle of our adult time.

But I don’t do that, and you shouldn’t either.

For all I advocate for all women, mothers in particular and single moms in super-duper-special particular — to prioritize their sexuality, I’m all about being a good mom, too. Here are three reasons why you should never sneak men into your house if your kids don’t know ahead of time that he will be there and have been properly introduced:

  1. No lies. Maintaining privacy is different from lies. If you have to sneak him in it is because you feel guilty about it. Kids pick up on that. They will know — unconsciously or overtly — that something is wrong when you walk around with a guilty conscience.
  2. It’s their house, too. Yep, you pay the bills and make the rules. But kids deserve to feel safe in their own home. Dark-of-night visitors bring into your home their own vibe — good or bad — and other people pick up on that. It’s there in the house whether or not they outright bust you or pick up on that weird energy. Keep it on the up and up.
  3. You might get outright busted. And that would be so, so bad. Not just weird and embarrassing. Bad.

The upside of the downside of limited places to fool around is that it can be really hot, like I wrote about in a best-hits post Dating as a single mom is the same as dating as a teenager.  Sometimes it can be really hot. Like, for example, that chilly fall night when the single dad and I made our way into an alley behind an apartment and he chivalrously laid his navy peacoat on the pavement next to recycling bins and we had a go of it in the sprinkling rain.




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