The basics of personal finance advice dictate that whenever times get tough (and going through a divorce when you’ve got kids is undoubtedly one of those times) you’ve got to pinch your pennies. My grandmother calls it “pulling in your horns” – spending as little money as possible until the horizon gets brighter. I appreciate her advice to never throw things away that you could find some use for (she’s got a drawer full of aluminum pie plates for this very reason). But I think “pulling in your horns” is a load of hogwash (another of Granny’s favorite terms).
I am all for clarity on how much you earn and how much you spend, and keeping those two figures within spitting distance of each other. But I bristle at keeping a death grip on your wallet when you’re in a crisis, because this line of thinking only keeps you where you are. What you focus on grows – if you’d dead-set on finding ways to save, you’re putting all your attention on a lack of money, which only perpetuates feeling broke. If you’re looking for ways to invest in yourself, you’ve got your sights set on improving your situation.
In other words: It takes money to make money.
For example, after I had my first baby, I resisted paying for a sitter. After all, I worked at home. I was convinced I could write when the baby was asleep. Turns out my darling daughter was a catnapper. It wasn’t until I committed to paying for 25 hours of childcare a week – even when that number was barely bigger than my current income – that I started earning more money. Way more money than I had ever made before, actually. I found paying someone to watch my kid incredibly motivating, and I went after bigger, better paying jobs. I also stopped frittering away hours online. Yep, that money bought me way more than childcare. It bought me purpose.
But there’s something even more important about spending money on what you know in your bones to be a crucial piece of a brighter future. When you invest in yourself (by which I mean spending money on something that will move you forward – like a new website, or a class that teaches you marketable skills that will help you land a higher-paying job), other people will be more likely to invest in you, too. You show up with more confidence, which means you go after bigger opportunities and people are more likely to value you and what you have to offer.
After my second child was born, in 2010, all the projects I had lined up for my return from maternity leave evaporated. I started taking any assignment that brought in any paltry sum. And I stopped being able to imagine any other reality. After a year of grinding it out, trying to spend as little money as possible and hoping the situation would fix itself, I decided to get proactive and invested in a career coach.
My coach has helped me to recognize the skills I have beyond writing, and to create several new revenue streams based on those skills. Today I can clearly envision how I will reach new professional and financial heights that I could never have imagined without her guidance. If I had chosen to pull in my horns, I’d still be writing articles for paltry sums and hating every minute of it.
When something is important, you absolutely must spend some money on it. It’s not a treat. It’s a necessity.