Are you a SMILF?

That’s right. A SMILF.

What’s a SMILF, you ask? In my book, a SMILF is a Single Mom I’d Like to Friend. Someone I want to hang out with. It’s also a Single Mom I’d Like to Finance — that is, someone who has her life so together that banks and investors are at her fingertips to help her build her life. And if she has all this going for her, men will definitely find her to be a single mom they’d like to, um, friend-finance.



  1. Is smart.
  2. Is funny. Hilarious, actually.
  3. Has a career – and not just because she has to pay the bills. She has a career because that is part of being a full person.
  4. Doesn’t take herself too seriously. But takes her life very seriously.
  5. Looks at all her financial statements every month – even if she knows it won’t be pretty.
  6. Delights in her kids.
  7. Puts her kids first.
  8. Has needs that aside from her children: intellectual, physical, sexual, creative, emotional and social.
  9. Is a whole woman, and totally cool with that.
  10. Is OK being single. Even if she’d prefer to be in a relationship.
  11. Knows how much is going out, and how much is coming in.
  12. Recognizes that her energy is better spent building her own wealth than fighting her ex over child support.
  13. Takes him to court if she needs to.
  14. Is not a victim.
  15. Is sometimes scared, and totally cool with that.
  16. Is sometimes broke, and totally cool with that.
  17. Is generous, even when it is tough to be generous.
  18. Dreams big for her family. Dreams big for herself.
  19. Feels pretty when she looks at her account.
  20. Is not bitter. OK, maybe she’s a little bitter. But she’s trying really, really hard not to be bitter.
  21. Knows the best revenge is living well.

Do you fit the bill? Know someone who does? Let me know  — I’d love to profile them here on Wealthy Single Mommy!

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28 thoughts on “Are you a SMILF?

  1. How would you like to post your article, “Are You a SMILF?” on our blog on September 6th? I’m looking for a post to fit our Money Matters theme on that day. I like you list. In fact I LOVE it! And think you might find some single moms via our site.

  2. I am a total SMILF. Been raising my son alone since he was two (he’s almost 8) and I have a great career, and a killer sense of humor.

    PS. I just stumbled across your blog and I am smitten.

  3. Damn Emily, I’m totally a SMILF or at least running full speed in that direction. I wish you lived in my city because I’m pretty sure that we’d be best friends as cheesy as that sounds!

    1. Geez, I mean Emma not Emily! I was looking at the previous comment while writing. EMMA, I am really enjoying all your writing but this article hit home the most!

  4. Love your blog. I’m a single mom who is far from broke, even though I was miserably so initially. So happy to have found this!

    1. I like this a LOT. Why, yes – yes, I guess I do fit all of the bits of being a SMILF. Huh – cool – who knew? EXCEPT – it seems that some of the men interested in me seem to be interested in my financing them – uh, I don’t think so,.. Huh?

  5. I’m a total SMILF! Even going back to a one year grad program to jump-start my career. I’m rediscovering all that ambition I used to have.

    But I especially like #4… I’ve thought that about myself many times :)

  6. The inevitable moment always comes up when a man starts to date a divorced or single mother. That is, he gets told by her “You know you’ll never be more important to me than (# kids +1)th in my life. (That is, if she has two children, a man will get told he can never top 3rd place in her life’s priorities.)

    Imagine if he responded with, “That’s okay. To make it even and fair, you’ll never be more than the 3rd most important person in my life, either.” Oh, the howls….

    Yet, that’s logically fair, even if it’s hardly what SHE had in mind. That’s why I mentally use this formula for assessing the romantic availability of women:

    3 cats = 2 children = 1 husband

    That is, a woman with one child is already 50% as taken as if she had a husband fully in her life. Two or more? She’s effectively as unavailable for anything serious as Mother Theresa. A women with children and no husband (or a more-or-less equivalent) isn’t so much in the market for a relationship as she needs help, which latter attempting to date her largely would take the form. Charity is every person’s decision, but normally it’s not the primary goal in finding someone to DATE.

    Oh, and career, money troubles, and/or (above all) recently taking an ex to court, as indicators of a divorced woman being a woman that a reasonable guy would like to date?
    Nothing could be farther from the truth. A modest but adequate trust fund, NO debt/behind bills, and no history of using courts to degrade any men’s lives would be much better to find.

  7. I don’t even remember how I found your blog but I’m glad I did! Been reading these posts and I love them and I am a total SMLIF. I’m a single mom of a 12 and 10 year old and look at my account every Friday :-)

  8. Hi Emma, I am actually doing an essay about staying at home mothers vs. working mothers. I’m also including divorces and single mothers..I really like your point of view on these topics. I am a single mother myself, I am raising my 6 kids, work full time and am in school on top of it. I fully believe that a person has to have a sense of humor in order to survive! :) It is so much easier to laugh through life than to cry. I loved reading the part on your list about building ones own wealth instead of fighting the ex for child support. This is totally my circumstance, and I am completely fine with it. I feel so happy since we have divorced and even though this is a difficult path, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My kids have even seen the difference in their lives. It has almost been 2 years, and I find that we continue to grow and become closer as a family to which I am ever so grateful. Keep on preaching on! ;)

    1. Wow, 6 kids, you need a whole effing barrel of monkeys! I love your positive, loving attitude — but remember it ok to lose your stuff sometimes, too :) that’s why I’m here.

  9. YES! I am a total SMILF (except for the career, which I’m working on EVEN more adamantly since reading these blogs). There are more of us out here than I knew. *And thank you for the new forum! Maybe I’ll actually meeting some.* SMILFs rock! ^_^

    (Maybe we can find a forum where SMILFs can meet some DECENT eligible bachelors because so far they want to be financed.) 0_o

  10. What a gloriously positive site! I am blessed to have two healthy boys (3.5 and 5.5), own my own home, have a wonderful job as a teacher, have my doctorate in education, the love of Jesus Christ, have wonderful friends and family, and the desire to really love life. This site truly is great for strong single women! It gets tiring and draining sometimes (not being able to get out and run!), but there are ways around most things… and we are smart enough to make our own way. Thank you for this encouraging site.

  11. I absolutely love this term. I became a single mum to my children aged 5 and twins 3 last year and as one part of my life fell apart… my career blossomed and I got that promotion to management. I’ve been told by so many that my strength and determination is inspirational… I have other incredible single mums like you all to thank for that. Greatness is defined by your outlook on life as one door closes another will always open.

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