There is no such thing as a married single mom

married single mom

Related articles:

Who gets to call themselves a single mom?

5 friends every single mom needs

Why it can be so hard to find other professional, successful single moms

In the above, I share how so many married women want to join my online support groups for single moms. I get why, even though that is insane. After all, like you, anecdotally, I don’t know so many really happy marriages, and scholars have found the same. Per Rebecca Traister’s very excellent bestselling All The Single Ladies:

Psychologist Ty Tashiro suggested in a 2014 book that only three in ten married people enjoy happy and healthy marriages, and that being in an unhappy partnership can increase your chances of getting sick by about 35 percent. Another researcher, John Gottman, has found that being in an unhappy union could shorten your life by four years.

A recently published Stanford study found that women initiate divorce 69 percent of the time.

In other words: Married mom desperate to hang with single moms: You are not alone in your marital misery. You’re good! Normal! 

Related podcast:
 Listen on iTunes  ♦  Stitcher   ♦  TuneIn   ♦  SoundCloudGoogle Play

That doesn't mean you're a single mom. Single moms don't have husbands. Even if your husband is a financial, emotional, logistical, social liability, you just are not a single mom. Here's the difference:

    • Single moms don't have the logistical conveniences of having a partner live in their house. When they need to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night because of explosive and relentless stomach bug, getting there, arranging for child care and stressing about taking much-needed time off work is on them.
    • Single moms don't enjoy the social cache of marriage — whether they care or not.
    • Single moms don't enjoy the financial security of marriage, which has countless tax, child care, insurance and cost-advantaged living efficiencies that single people, or single parents enjoy.
  • Single parents don't have a built in romantic partner, or readily available sex outlet.

Now, these are the negatives. Spend 10 minutes on this blog, and there are a zillion reasons why single motherhood is not only doable, but amazing for many women. You may be one of them, but you are not one yet. You did not take that risk and separate from your husband. That is OK, and maybe you will do that in your time. But you are not in the club yet. As for me …

When things are tough on the single-mom front, this is what I tell myself:

I may sometimes be an overwhelmed single mom, but at least I’m not a married overwhelmed single mom. Because anecdotally, most married moms I know often feel like they’re often without a spouse. I know this because a) I was a married mom for a minute, b) I look around and see all these married, stay-at-home moms getting through the days by the skin on their teeth while their husbands build their careers, and they look as though they're about to lose their minds (many have, frankly), and c) when you’re a single mom, women (and men) complain to you about their spouses. A LOT. And they tell me they feel like they're single parents.

Oh, and there are some facts to back this up.

sell engagement ring

While about half of mothers will spend at least a year as sole custodian of a child (according to University of North Carolina researchers), kids are being raised by one parent in many other circumstances, even if the mother and father are technically married. These include:

  • The 1.7million children who have at least one parent in jail, according to the nonprofit Justice Strategies.
  • All those husbands with jobs requiring long hours and travel, resulting in them hardly seeing their kids.

And then there are the all those millions of kids I mentioned in an earlier post who are being raised in households where parents are addicted, depressed, abusive or chronically ill. Of course, lots of these situations can and do overlap – kids whose parents are addicted, depressed and in the can, those who are divorced and in the military, etc. The point is, statistics about moms raising children without a husband to whom they are legally married are misleading – there are far, far more women who identify – even if secretly, you know who you are! – as married single moms.

Don’t take it from me. and recently conducted a survey of 1,200 mothers and found:

  • 70 percent of working moms and 68 percent of stay-at-home moms resent their partner because of the unbalanced load of household and parenting responsibilities.
  • 84 percent of stay-at-home moms don’t get a break from parenting after their partner walks in the door at night, and, 50 percent of stay-at-home moms say they never­­—NEVER!– receive a time-out from parenting.
  • Not surprisingly, 24 percent of working mothers and 28 percent of stay-at-home moms say they sometimes they feel like a “married single mom.”

And in a lot of ways, they are: Married moms take on the majority of childcare and housekeeping regardless of whether they work outside of the home. Which is just like a real single mom. Except for the money part, of course. Statistically, single moms are much poorer than married mothers, and there is nearly always more financial stability when there are two adults in a household than one, regardless of who works and who does not.

About Emma Johnson

Emma Johnson is a veteran money journalist, noted blogger, bestselling author and an host of the award-winning podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson. A former Associated Press Financial Wire reporter and MSN Money columnist, Emma has written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Glamour,, U.S. News, Parenting, USA Today and others. Her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was named to the New York Post's ‘Must Read” list. Emma regularly comments on issues of modern families, gender equality, divorce, sex and motherhood for outlets like CNN, Headline News, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Fox & Friends, CNBC, NPR, TIME, MONEY, O, The Oprah Magazine and The Doctors. She was named Parents magazine’s “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and a “Most Eligible New Yorker” by New York Observer. A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. Read more about Emma here.


  1. Kristen on September 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Hi Emma,

    Morghan’s been sharing your posts on our mommy board. I wanted to let you know that I’m enjoying reading your blog. This most recent entry left me feeling better about my marriage. I frequently fantasize about being a single mom, and don’t appreciate all that my husband brings to the table when I’m feeling selfishly tied down.

    Keep up the good work!

    • Emma on September 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

      Thanks Kristen — that’s a perspective I didn’t expect from this post.

    • Sarah Lincoln on March 6, 2017 at 1:42 pm

      hi here

    • Stm on October 17, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      “Single moms don’t enjoy the financial security of marriage.” Lol, no.. but they sure as hell enjoy the financial security of financially obliterating the father of their children and being a self righteous, overweight anchor on tax payers and the welfare system. Please, hurry up and initiate that divorce and put your husband out of his misery, you strong independent woman. All the single ladies, please stay single. Only pathetically thirsty and failed men marry these warbeasts.

  2. Kelly Damian on September 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Wow. You hit the nail on the head. I am definitely a married single mom. I love my husband and we have a great marriage but when it comes to workload, well, it’s better for me to not tally it all up. My solution to not sinking into bitter, overworked, resentful land was to change careers. I’ve switched from being full-time teacher, part-time writer, full-time mom. (Nutty situation, that…) to full-time writer/mom. It needs to be acknowledged that my husband’s career has made it possible for me to change mine so I can pursue my passion instead of just clocking it in. So, yes, as you say in your description, money does change everything.

    • Emma on September 10, 2012 at 6:07 am

      Kelly – very well said. Your situation sums up the feelings of many people, though I really admire that you took charge of your family life and started your own business (hello! totally relate!). I also respect that acknowledge that your husband’s income facilitated this change. I’m glad you’re reading.

    • Kat on April 9, 2017 at 9:00 am

      You say you’re a married single mom, and in the same paragraph mention how your husband’s career made your decisions possible. If you were a single mom, there would be no husband’s career. I’m a single mom. I’m tired of people who have a partner saying this. It’s bs. Try really being a single mom and then see how good you have it with a husband around.

      • Mel on September 22, 2018 at 4:08 pm

        Amen kat. I 100% agree.

      • Amanda on December 13, 2018 at 4:34 pm

        I disagree. I’m not married but I am engaged to the father of my four children. I do ALL the housework, take care of the kids ALL by myself, take them to ALL their practices and games, take them to ALL their doctor’s appointments, etc. I literally do it All and work full time too. I’m even on call 24/7. He does not help with childcare in any way if I have to go to the hospital or whatever. My oldest son watches his brothers. I also do not get any help financially as he spends everything he makes. You can absolutely be a single mom and have a partner. My life would actually improve if I wasn’t with him because then I wouldn’t have to pick up after him too. We don’t even have sex because I resent him so much for never helping. I appreciate the sentiments in this story but you never know anyone’s situation. Just because they’re in a relationship doesn’t mean they have any help.

  3. Nicole on September 8, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    I’ve been a single mom for almost a year now and I’ve realized two things: 1) my married female friends now confide everything about their marriages to me and 2) all the men in my life suddenly think they have a chance with me as if I’m really lonely and desperate because I’m a single mom now.

    • Emma on September 10, 2012 at 6:07 am

      Nicole — two future blog posts for me in your email!!!

    • frau_wyler on May 25, 2013 at 6:43 am

      So true Nicole; somehow men feel that if you are a single Mom then you are a sitting duck and that you are so desperate to have just any man than be alone. I think it’s also partly because a lot of single Moms (be it post divorce, or deserted after falling pregnant etc) believe that they are not good enough to find a really great guy, so they settle for low lives and married men. And this feeds the idea that single Moms are loose and desperate. Not so!

      • Emma on May 26, 2013 at 4:52 pm

        Yes, I agree that this stereotype comes from two places: Women’s own actions, as Frau outlines, and married people’s own fears about what life without a spouse must be like.

    • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 7:20 am

      I am a single mother and have raised 5 children on my own, have a Master Degree, and a professional career women, got my own mortgage, can do what I want to do when i want too, and do everything from man s gendered work to women’s gendered work, to bringing in the dough, and absolutely everything. My friends have partners or are married and they are in some instances better off and in others not better off. Circumstantial. I am single as I do not like traditional masculine ideas. I do not like abuse and feeling like I am an old sock, when I am a beauty queen. The truth is I can do it alone. I have friends who are married and at the end of the night they are together, weather the women feels like a married single mum or not, the financial situation is always better, as in some cases they compliment each other, both might work or one, still it balances out, there is someone with a common interest if you have children who might drop everything to priorities the children at the very least (its better than having no one), and when thing s go wrong there is often two heads (better than one), and sex is more than likely catered for, in many cases. Single mums have themselves totally to rely on. If my partner was my friend Id rather not be single in the long run and if he was a complete pig, I’d be single any day. Circumstantial. However one thing I have noticed as a single person yes hubbies try crack onto me, I am not asking for anything, and I give them nothing (I’d prefer some one for me) I feel sorry for the wives, and I also see those men there for their women when the family needs the guys there. Guys would rather be married and have everything in the marriage and have a fuck on the side. In these cases I’d rather be single cause the wives feel like old socks. My father and mother were married for ever, and even consolidated their vows. I have high standards and they just dont make relationships the way they do any more. I am not into dating sites, and after 5 kids sexuality I still feel I wont just get with a guy. I am waiting. I may stay single forever. At times its lonely as sometimes you need that someone who is for you to talk, and make love and help with finances and to give you a break cause duties get split. In my case I do it all, and I am happy as no one is torturing, but I would prefer an equal friendship for life.

  4. Ryan McNally on November 25, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Unmarried parents can get financial assistance not just in the shape of foods & property assistance, but also within their education. Numerous national federal grants can hold your schooling. Numerous non-government organizations provide academic grants with regard to single mothers along with other valuable individuals. Another critical edge is there are many university federal grants that enable unmarried parents to have free child care aid for children. In this way their children could have a secured destination while their mums are studying.

    • Liz on December 9, 2013 at 3:12 pm

      This type of thinking is sadly not true. I was a single mom with 3 kids and the $800 a month child support I got made it impossible to qualify for any programs. I had been a SAHM for 14 years and hadn’t work experience, when I tried to get help from different organizations I was declined again and again based on the fact that I was getting a very small amount of child support. Just to pay the bills I had to waitress and make very little money. Now that I was working that made it that I now qualified for even less programs. When I tried to get educational grants I was offered a student loan in which would cover part of the tuition, I would have to pay books and child care myself. These programs may be available but are for women with no income, no child support and usually they have moved back in with parents or friends. If you have kids that you have to feed, and you have made an effort to make money, sorry, you do not qualify.

      I started searching for work after getting declined so many places, became a banker and eventually I got my real estate license from home study on nights and weekends. Then started my own business and finally got back on my feet. Got married a few years ago and now can say it was worth it all. If I had been given a ton of handouts not sure I would have worked so hard and struggled through so much. I learned life lessons about money, security, hard work and so much more.

      But don’t fall for the thinking that anyone is going to help you out when you find yourself a single mom, it just is not reality.

      • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 7:29 am

        Your right you got to get there your self virtually when you are a single mother, often society stereotypes you as w women who is not married with kids, the lowest bottomless pit status, but it is so wrong the mothers job is so important. I am like you worked my but off, and even though the dad did not pay child support, what I got was not enough, so I have to work hard to break the poverty pack cycle, I did not see it as a bulge as I worked and balanced family and claimed little govt hand outs too to make ends meet. Either way the father paid some money or not its hard both ways and you dont want to stay there if your determined to make it better for you all as no one else will.

      • Lady A on March 3, 2017 at 11:07 am

        Liz, VERY WELL SAID!!!! I know this post was some time ago. I hope you are still around. I’m 30 never married broke up with my child’s father 4 years ago. My baby is 6 now. I have a MA finished when my child was 1. Child support is barely nothing. Being I have a decent job and I’m middle class absolutely no help from the government. We are talking down to paying for school lunch! Not to mention the student loans :( . Thank you for your brutal honesty, but people need to hear the raw truth. I’m not complaining and well most people may age are still lost in life, while I’m already mid career. Thank God. Another spin on the topic……..NOTHING is too hard for GOD life will always have it’s kinks a lot of girls choose not to have kids for the many possible complications with relationships. I had my baby and well i’m fairing out pretty well. I don’t envy single girls either neither marriage because it’s all circumstantial! Many of those single or married girls put up with a lot from guys that I will not. I keep hearing don’t settle and I think that’s great advice. Keep working hard ladies stack your ROTH IRA and 401K and travel travel travel. lol Life is fun if you make it that way.

      • Mel on September 22, 2018 at 4:19 pm

        I love this post Liz. Because it is so true. And you give me hope reading your message about getting back on my feet.

  5. Celeste on December 12, 2012 at 1:45 am

    YES I felt this way the WHOLE time I was married. My now ex husband and I slept in different rooms and were for all intensive purposes separated. My still married GFs tell me this all of the time

  6. Ronnie on December 21, 2012 at 5:34 am

    It’s too bad that so few spouses realize what their non-contribution to keeping the house functioning and raising the children does to the marriage. It led to our separation. It breaks down intimacy.

    • Elena on March 30, 2014 at 9:05 am

      I so get where your coming from. Mine hardly contributed to anything at all . Came home expected to be fed then went upstairs to watch tv leaving me to do all the activities and child raising . The resentment wasn’t because of the fact that he didn’t contribute to the child raising but he would also sit and criticize my parenting style. What a gall when he would do nothing to help me . If i had a meltdown which is normal when your constantly juggling a two year old and a 9 year old he couldn’t understand it. I would tell him to stop sitting on the side lines and start jumping in and helping .

      • Emma on April 2, 2014 at 12:10 pm

        Elena: What happened next?

  7. Becca R on January 1, 2013 at 7:29 am

    I was the text book case of single married mom. My abusive addict of a husband could never keep a job (barring that one year that he actually attempted to clean up, and managed to hold a job for a year) and other than the occasional fits of rage induced house cleaning (because I wasn’t able to maintain spotless, looking after him, his son, and our infant daughter) he basically did nothing but watch tv or sit on the computer, when he was home. I spent my time missing him and wishing he was home, but dreading when he did actually come home. Originally I agreed to do the inside work, if he did the outside work. All of it fell on me, as well as dragging him kicking and screaming to welfare when he couldn’t or wouldn’t find a job. As a single mom now, I am no longer in bad health, and I have lost 70lbs just from lack of stress. Even though my daughter misses her dad, who has no desire to be part of her life, I know that she is better off without him in the end and I do everything humanly possible to help her feel secure and loved.

    • Michele on February 24, 2016 at 2:12 pm

      I feel your pain I am married and have 4 children. For years I felt the same way and felt a lot of resentment towards my husband it turned into hate. Just a few years ago he just quit his job without rhyme or reason he claims the boss had it out for him and was looking to replace him. I was always a stay at home mom during the day and worked nights just so we didn’t have to pay a sitter. The only time I was out of work was because I had a very bad accident which left me getting a total knew replacement. After healing I did find a job just a few hours a night and then the company asked me to work full time. I carry the benefits, pay the mortgage, the electric, heat, water, car payments, car insurance, food and anything and everything else. This man hasn’t worked in four years and now I’m ready to move on with my life . What do I need him for? He doesn’t clean the house or food shop or get the kids ready in the morning. Am I supposed to stay and take care of this man? Would love some input thanks

      • Alicia on July 12, 2016 at 3:54 am

        Dump him. He sounds like a loser.

        Men are not going to respect women until women demand better.

        Men need to contribute or be kicked to the curb.

        *The only exception is if he truly has a doctor-verified mental illness. In that case, he will need inpatient psychiatric care.

        • Jane on December 26, 2016 at 11:45 pm

          Get rid of him, absolutely. What a useless piece of crap he is. Make sure his complete lack of contribution is documented so you don’t have to continue to support this freeloader after the split.

          • John G on February 21, 2017 at 3:39 am

            I personally do not approve of either partner in a marriage not contributing.

            What amuses me here is these remarks:

            “Men need to contribute or be kicked to the curb.”

            “Get rid of him, absolutely. What a useless piece of crap he is. Make sure his complete lack of contribution is documented so you don’t have to continue to support this freeloader after the split.”

            Shall we ruthlessly apply this logic to the many married women who do not work and who enjoy a very nice lifestyle at the expense of their husbands?

            Marriage is supposed to be better and for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.

      • Danielle on November 17, 2016 at 9:58 pm

        Now months later what did you decide to do?

      • Mel on September 22, 2018 at 4:35 pm

        Michele, it sounds like you have 5 children to look after. Not 4. I know it’s hard to take that first step in getting rid of a man. Especially when he is the father of your children. But you sound like you may be better off without him if he’s not doing a single thing but contributing to your stress. If he was helping with the household things and childcare only , that’s different. But not doing a single thing at all but taking up space and making you miserable? Happy mom , happy kids, they say. So do what you know you have to do. I know this post was a long time ago. Interested to hear what happened.

  8. Luke on April 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Being a “single mother” means that a mother has one or more children that were neither conceived nor borne in marriage, e.g., that they are bastards. Why does this matter? Because single mother’s wombs are in effect the breeding ground of criminals (for boy children) and future mothers of criminals (if girl babies). The odds of these are conservatively 7:1 compared with children born and raised to maturity in marriage between both biological parents. This does NOT apply to widows, and partially does to children of divorced mothers.


    Effects of Fatherlessness (US Data)

    85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
    90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
    71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
    75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God’s Children.)
    63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

    80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978)
    70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
    85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)
    California has the nation’s highest juvenile incarceration rate and the nation’s highest juvenile unemployment rate. Vincent Schiraldi, Executive Director, Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice, “What Hallinan’s Victory Means,” San Francisco Chronicle (12/28/95).
    These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home are:

    5 times more likely to commit suicide.
    32 times more likely to run away.
    20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
    14 times more likely to commit rape
    9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
    10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
    9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.
    20 times more likely to end up in prison.

    Intentionally becoming a single mother? Child abuse.

    • kyla george on March 2, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      Men always clain that they are more valuble, capable and smater then women. So when men dont take care of thier kids=child abuse. If men are really all they claim to be then they can wash the motherfuckin dishes and change the diapers and clean the house. Its the gross ugly men who arent doing thier job and creating single mothers. I bet your a mens right activist who never gets laid, so go fuc kyourself luke and go take care of your baby and your babymomma lol

      • Jordan on April 13, 2016 at 1:53 am


      • Alicia on July 12, 2016 at 3:57 am

        The worse a product is, the more they gotta sell it to you!

        Notice how much male “superiority” is sold to us?

    • Mindy on August 19, 2015 at 2:04 pm

      I am a single mother of a fatherless child. After reading those statistics I want to commit suicide so my child can get adopted by a 2 parent family. Thanks for that, just what I needed to hear a$$hole.

      • Alicia on July 12, 2016 at 3:58 am

        Hey–please don’t be so impressionable! Some stupid man should not be able to influence you that much.

        Also, these “studies” are mostly nonsense. Just do the best you can for your child!

    • Mindy on August 26, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      Ahem. That entire study has been essentially debunked and the only thing that was found to contribute to positive child outcomes from fathers was….drum roll……money!!!!! The one thing most men don’t want to give up married or otherwise. The advantage that homes with fathers has is economic. Has little to do with parenting. In fact, children who fare worst are those living with single dads.

    • chelsea on April 2, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      I’m sorry, are you blaim shifting on women? Ask yourself why these homes are fatherless in the First place? The men had just as much opportunity to stay and improve the function, happiness, and love in a household. Neglect is a serious form of child abuse, and Father’s fail to participate in many areas of their children’s lives because culture has deemed it women’s work. I guarantee most of these single moms tried to get their coparent involved in the child rearing time and time again only to be met by an obstinate ego and direct refusal to participate. How in the hell do you translate that into the mothers fault???

    • Alicia on July 12, 2016 at 3:55 am

      Please keep your misogyny and your fairy tales to yourself.

      Also, get treatment for your narcissistic personality disorder. Look it up, Mr. No Empathy.

    • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 7:40 am

      Most women are not single intentionally, if they are single intentionally it is because they had kid s to mongrels. A one healthy parent family is far better that if two parents are not working together healthily. ALso this statistic may be true but look deeper at the circumstances around these (supposed facts). Why are the fathers not there? Especially in this stone age its common? And Why are the women the responsible ones and the fathers take a hike? If the majority of fathers had their children and the children were with out their mothers what would the statistics look like then? WOmen have a lot of society rubbish to contend with. Have you noticed if a women walk s with a child up the street it is not classified as sexy, but if a man did take his child for a walk up the street the child in a pram for instance he would get smiles, and thought to be such a great man!!!! There is more than just shallow out look to family, its entirely circumstantial. It s not the best outcome to bring kids up in single families but some times parents have to separate and in most cases the women are the most reliable source, and do it mostly alone when the other parent estranged from responsibility, and the guys sit back and bark about the statistics such as these you have written. Deeper. Deeper.

    • Mel on September 22, 2018 at 4:49 pm

      It sounds like you were a fatherless child Luke. Holding a lot of resentment like that Is not healthy for you. If your still around ..
      also most insecure men will always try and blame others for their actions instead of taking responsibility for their own. Of course this can apply to either man or women. But we can sit here and point fingers all day and I can pull every single which statistic out there about the high percentage of criminals and child predators and rapists being mainly men but where would that take us to? Pointless. Just like your statics are pointless as well. Trying to point fingers to someone else.

  9. Nicole on May 17, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    So Luke, what your saying is that children are better off in an unstable household where the parents constantly fight then they are in a household with one parent who is happier? Or what if the father is in the picture, but barely. i.e. does playtime, occasionally feeds the kid but basically is in the background 90% of the time? Where one parent does 99% of the work, has other responsibilities and can be full of stress constantly? So according to you children are better off in this environment where one parent is constantly on the verge of a stress breakdown because they have very little if any real help raising the child and the other parent is basically a playmate with occasional seconds of helping, then they would be if the parent doing all the work was to simply leave and be happier? Children reflect their parents. If they see their parent miserable and upset all the time because they are in a bad situation, then that child will internalize that struggle. But if a child sees their parent happier, and enjoying life more then they will clearly internalize that. I hope you never have to experience what it feels like to be married and raising a child basically on your own so your spouse can live all their hopes and dreams while yours are constantly pushed to the back burner day in and day out. Then you might understand what its like to worry that your child will end up in the same type of relationship, on top of all the other hundreds of worries you have as well.

    • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 7:43 am

      Thank you for sharing.

  10. frau_wyler on May 25, 2013 at 6:30 am

    This is great article that I can relate to because for a while, I too was a married single Mom. My then husband specialised in dressing himself, wating, going to work, watching tv and spilling beer on the floor while I did all the work (I was working and had a toddler at home). Besides carrying the full burden of looking after the baby and the home, I also had to ensure the loneliness of being home every evening alone while he had “cocktails with clients”. I was lonelier with him than I ever was alone. So I divorced his lazy behind, dove headfirst into the dating world, and am now now happily married to a guy who loves my son and fully supports me the way a real man should. :)

  11. frau_wyler on May 25, 2013 at 6:34 am

    This is great article that I can relate to because for a while, I too was a married single Mom. My then husband specialised in dressing himself, eating, going to work, watching tv and spilling beer on the floor while I did all the work (I was working and had a toddler at home). Besides carrying the full burden of looking after the baby and the home, I also had to endure the loneliness of being home every evening alone while he had “cocktails with clients”. I was lonelier with him than I ever was alone. So I divorced his lazy behind, dove headfirst into the dating world, and am now now happily married to a guy who loves my son and fully supports me the way a real man should.

    (I just hate spelling errors, and couldn’t find a place to edit so I reposted, sans errors)

  12. Britney on July 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    I’m a young (27) wife and mother of three. Married 5 years. Before I was married I was a single mother of one for two years working (30-40 hours a week) and in college (20 hours a week). I haven’t been married long so I don’t act like I know it all, but it seems like a lot of women are weak. They allow their spouse to control them and their feelings and they complain that they can’t do what they want, but why not? Instead of complaining, catch your spouse on a day where he’s sitting comfortably, watching tv and tell him you’re heading out for a second then go out for an hour or two and do what you want (shopping, mani, pedi, hobby, etc.) because that’s obviously what he does to you. You should know who you married and feel comfortable enough leaving your children with your HUSBAND because he’s not going neglect your child or allow anything bad to happen. Where is the communication? Some women seem too nice and need put their foot down and stop allowing your husband to disrespect you and treat you like and indentured servant. I am a college educated stay at home mother and at times, yes, I feel like I’m doing it all on my own but then I remember how my husband works 45-50 hours a week for our family. I am able to bring in a little extra money doing what I love. If you don’t think he’s spending enough time with you, schedule a babysitter and date night. If you want something done, do it yourself. He’ll eventually catch on and get with the program. If not, oh well. Stop depending on your husband for your joy and happiness and stop being weak-minded. Stop complaining. Think about your own faults as well. How often do you stroke your man’s ego? As women we need attention as well and if you don’t get it, speak up. Be honest. Tell him what’s on your mind. I know a friend who told me her husband told her he was tempted to go outside the marriage because she was holding out sexually and she stepped up and did what needed to be done. I won’t get into that situation, but she was at fault. We need to stop the blame-game and double check us before we check our spouse. And stop being so negative. No more pity parties.

    • Dana on September 7, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      thanks that was just what i needed to hear!!! i agree i am stopping my pity party now

    • Bltch on January 31, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Not all of us are “weak minded” and “don’t speak up”, sometimes that doesn’t always work. I’m glad your relationship is so wonderful that you don’t know any different and are blissfully ignorant to the struggles that can happen in a bad one.

      • Emma on February 6, 2015 at 12:53 pm

        Of course none of us know what others face — especially inside a marriage. But ultimately each of us is responsible for our own happiness.

      • bobbyjo on September 12, 2016 at 8:56 pm

        I agree with you very much dome do speak up don’t hinges change for a couple days that back to the full loaf on mom how do we make our selves happy when we’re tending to everyone else half of I’d probably forgot what makes us happy were so tired and drained from doing it all how do u do anymore for the significant other maybe if the load was split the female could correct her issues for a better relationship u get the point unfortunately with kids involved it’s not that easy to just up and leave or just get a sitter if it was that easy us do it all mom’s wouldn’t b complaining thank you

    • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 7:54 am

      Women are not weak sweety far from it actually. Each story is circumstantial. Not every ones story can fit in with yours. However I am glad your story seems to be a positive one. However next time you express your well comings please dont put other women in their place. People come from different places and cultures and are not all mainstreamed. As an Aboriginal person your story to me is a mainstreamed story. I sense not much emotion either. Emotion is a strength not a weakness. I am a well educated women who has worked hard and have been single for many years more than you and have 5 children and am older than you and am a gran mother. I am single as I want equality in a relationship. You friends the wife and hubby who have sexual issues currently is not your call. You can never know the whole picture even if you all all close friends, you are not in the relationship. I am sexually healthy and wont open the legs like a little tart if my hubby is wanted it and is not treating me proper. Western guys have a lot to learn. Any ways these are just some of my thoughts. Each to their own. Keep up the good marriage.

  13. BostonBee on October 17, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Great article!

    I remember when a very good friend consoled me while I was entering the single-mom life. She said that her experience growing up as an only child to single co-parents was an amazing experience. When she was with one or another parent they always had time for her, they seemed fresh and engaged while most of her married-parent counterparts seemed constantly bedraggled.

    Now I am a pretty happy single mom to a child who has an equally happy single dad and we marvel at how hard life must be when married and raising children. It must be hell.

    That said, if you have good co-parent and a solid income and/or live within your means, that makes life easier too. We might just be lucky.

  14. Emma on October 17, 2013 at 10:01 am

    “we marvel at how hard life must be when married and raising children. It must be hell.” That made me laugh.

    I agree – all kinds of scenerios can work. In the case of divorce the big deal-breaker is whether you have enough money to maintain two households comfortably.

  15. Tammy on October 18, 2013 at 10:10 am

    I can agree so much with this article. I was married for 7 years and was a single married mom. My ex was in the military and was never home. Yes some say ‘ well thats what you get when you marry the military.’ Really ? Well we are all human and you dont really know until youre in it to know if you will stick with it. It was depressing ! Now that im a single divorced mom, I can no longer have to carry the resentment on my shoulders of living in a marriage that was never really a marriage.

  16. stacey on October 18, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I am a single married mom of 5 wonderful children. My husband was in the Army when we first married 7 years ago. He deployed to Iraq and got injured (he was in a humvee and they hit a land mine being blown 50 meters from his truck ) He has since retired due to the injuries and through that time have had 4 boys, retirement pay from the military wasnt enough for us to rely on, and we didnt want to rely on the govt our whole lives. I worked for a short time to help make ends meet, but it too wasnt enough. So my husband got up and got a job himself. Since getting this job (with the hours being 2nd shift and an hour from where we live), we have had many break throughs and opportunities to have what we want and what we need all together! I love my husband for this everyday! I do not complain that he leaves the house at 1:30pm and doesnt get home from work until 5:30am most nights. He is working to support me and 5 children. I take care of everything from keeping my house clean and organized, to taking care of every child’s needs. School, activities, grocery shopping, i pay all the bills, etc. My husband is not lazy by any means, as he also has a “hobby” on the weekends that also help support us financially. It is very hard work and i am determined to help in any way i can to make sure my kids have every need met. I do not complain about anything that is going on in my life as i love every minute of how we have a routine. Do i miss my husband- absolutely!! do we have alone time- yes! do we have family time- yes! what he does, and what i do is extremely hard work and is not fun at times at all but our children are growing up knowing that no matter what life throws at them they can work through it, and no matter what you have to work and work hard to get what you want! i never imagined my to life be this way, but i am so thankful that i have an amazing husband willing to work as hard as he does for us, and still has time to help me on occasions to get somewhat of a break. we make this work and it works well for us! so i can honestly say that i am an extremely happy married single mom, and my kids and husband are equally happy!!

    • Suzanne Bonham on June 5, 2015 at 2:21 am

      This is beautiful.

    • Ceane Towers on January 12, 2017 at 8:02 am

      10/10 hallelujah best story. Thanks for sharing. Priorities straight. Working through it together. Single mums are not alone, even though alone, working for the cause. Paying off in the kids. Gratefulness. As long as me and the hubby were friends and we checked in and we balanced special occasions and put in the hard yards for the cause that is the same for you both, I want what she is having, lolz.

  17. DarthW on December 27, 2013 at 12:12 am

    I’ve never married. From the sounds of all the resentment and complaining married couples – not to mention the high incidence of divorce, remarriage, and divorce again – I’d say I dodged a few bullets.

    I’ve been fortunate to witness my own parents and both sisters marriages seem to work well. I have a couple friends whose marriages have lasted, one a stepfamily that is the only good stepfamily mix I’ve ever seen. Most all marriages these days just fail.
    With 70% of second marriages failing – from my research most likely because of all the extra issues that go with kiddos, dealing with ex-es, step family melding problems, etc. I say “don’t bother.” I’ve dated my share of single moms, and I like kids fine, but I’ve seen my share of lazy moms who see my responsibility and willingness to pitch as an ATM with a strong back. Throw in often undisciplined kids with whom I would have no real say, an ex who doesn’t pay child support, or work, but the single mom wants to let him come over and hang out and play “friends” for the sake of the kids, and all that mess gets looking like there’s nothing in it for a responsible single guy with no kids who has a lot to offer.

    I agree that both husband and wife need to be pitching in to get work done. My parents, thankfully, treated one another with great deal of respect, caring, and affection, and I’m so glad I witnessed it. They raised a son who in my mind (and from the critique of my closest friends) would have probably been great relationship material. ….And yet today I read this article where women in their first marriages seem to be in the majority in their resentment and frustration with their spouses. Wow. Can’t wait to find my “true love” so the anger and resentment can blossom and grow. Not.

    Is this what married life really is: keeping endless score? And if it’s this bad in first marriages, how much worse it must be in a stepfamily where there are all kinds of split loyalties, additional bodies to resent and be resentful, exes to deal with jealousy and more frustration. I find a lot of sites where once single moms are now married and comment how they love it, but find few forums where stepdads are bragging about how great married life is with a wife, stepkids, and the ex, ex-in-laws, etc.

    I’m glad for those of you who have happy and successful marriages. There are days I wish I could have the same. I appreciate the truth of this article, and this is a day I’m thankful I never did find “true love”.

    And Britney, most of all, thank you for your comments. I so agree with you on so many points. The same could be said for many weak men who need to grow up, be a bit more giving and forgiving.

  18. Nicole on February 26, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    I have been married for 15 years and love my husband to death. We have a 6yrs daughter, and what do you say to a 6 year old that wants daddy time? My husband works in the manual labor field and I also have a full time job. But I feel that I take care of everything, some days I want to get off work and just do nothing….. Not have to pickup our child, make dinner make sure homework is done, clean up dinner and put her to bed. meanwhile he get home at dark, and showers, eats and goes to bed…. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband dearly, we have beat the young marriage rate, as we got married at 18, and waited to have a child until 27… I just want to tell him WHAT HAPPENED, he use to help around the house, make dinner, do laurdry, take our daughter places without me. But a fight always starts. Oh and if I tell him how our daughter feels it’s worse, and she won’t tell him how she feels, because she can’t get 5 mins of his time….. Divorce is not an option, I just want things to be the way they use to be…Oh just to be extra clear, our daughter has never heard us fight, EVER.

    PLEASE HELP!!!!!

    • Emma on February 28, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Nicole! So sorry to hear about this … I think it is common for couples to be more or less equal in housework before a kid comes along, but something happens after: He starts seeing her as a mom, and even on an unconscious level believes that the mother has more responsibility for childcare than the man. ALSO: Women unconsciously believe the same thing. Like I wrote in this post about many of us professional moms struggling with working mom guilt:

      How do you deep down feel about working fulltime? DO you feel at all guilty about it? I wonder if you were to embrace your career and accept that you are not a lesser mom for it, your household dynamics may change for the better. You stop doing everything and he will follow?


  19. becki on March 13, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    I have been married over ten years and I am certainly a single-married mom. My husband works nights, whereas I work days, which in and of itself wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to do ‘homework’ also. I can have the house spotless, but when I come home from work, it’s a wreck. I’ve always been the bread winner of the family, but lately I find I can’t get any balance. My 9 year old gets anxiety at night and often won’t let me sleep…. some nights I’m up till after midnight, yet still have to get up by 5:30 or so. I’m always exhausted and think it’s leading to depression. He doesn’t see it like I do and insists the house doesn’t need hours of work a day. Well of course…. when the laundry/dish/ trash fairy makes it looks like there’s never anything to do. It’s really frustrating, but I try to be patient because he often works 12 hour days. I want to reduce my work (I do 10-12 hour days too) but not sure I can :( oh well! (Done ranting!)

    • Emma on March 18, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Hi Becki – I have to agree with your husband — why are you spending so much time cleaning? Can you adjust down your expectations of the house and yourself? Can you hire someone to help you? It sounds like the whole family is stressed out — if you are exhausted and depressed your family, career and self cannot thrive. How can we turn this around?

  20. Nicole on March 14, 2014 at 9:43 am

    No, working full time does not make me feel any less of a mother. I have always worked. I just want to know whe husbands just STOP helping. I had a total breakdown all alone the other day when my daughter and I were at restruant and I told her we’ll take daddy’s food home. She then states, ” Daddy is never with us Why is that?”. I was so embaressed as everyone around heard her. How do you make them understand? Just stop doing everything and see how long it takes for him to jump in???? HAHAHA

    • Emma on March 18, 2014 at 8:32 am

      Well, what is the answer? Why didn’t your husband go out to dinner with you?

  21. Vera Kasi on June 14, 2014 at 1:23 am

    I must admit that I’m often very happy that I don’t need to have the fights with the spouse. The only ones having disagreements are my son and me!

    • Emma on June 15, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      Well, yes, that is why divorce is optimal to a bad marriage. But healthy disagreements are a small price to pay for a great relationship.

  22. jen on October 3, 2014 at 2:24 am

    The hubster just left for a year overseas with military, while I take care of our newborn twins and four year old + keep my toe in the working world as a PT online instructor. If I wasn’t so tired, I might hate it.

    • Emma on October 3, 2014 at 9:49 am

      “If I wasn’t so tired, I might hate it.” hahah! thanks for sharing … check in here any time for support. As I like to say: Inside every married mom is a single mom.

  23. Celeste on December 30, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    This is me. Husband stopped working exactly three years ago. He gets a disability check, but all his money goes to his hobbies and his summer home. He once gave me $1,000 and you’d think it was enough to support me and my three children for the whole three years. I work full time, try to Montessori teach the children, do about half housework (I pay a housekeeper), pay the nanny for 8 hours a day while I work, pay the mortgage and all the bills including his fuel, truck and insurance and do all the cooking. This week the nanny took the week off so I asked husband to get children ready in the morning so I could go to work early and I would get them at 9am. SOOOOO, at 8am he calls and says they are ready, so I go home and behold, no hair brushed, no teeth brushed, and he’s so proud of himself because he boiled some eggs and cut some fruit. And of course to top it all off, he cant DO ANYTHING all day long, but as soon as 4pm hits he’s up and at ’em drinking a twleve pack (or more)…. He has no problem going hunting, or watching football, or doing his hobbies, It is only taking care of his kids that is a problem for him…… SOrry for the rant.

    • Tlm on April 19, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      If I were you I would’ve saved the cash from his fuel & insurance for a few months and found a decent divorce attorney! Just kidding..kinda.

    • Alicia on July 12, 2016 at 4:09 am

      Stop paying for him and get a divorce. He is a loser.

      You are essentially playing mommy to an adult child. What is the point to that?

    • Mel on September 22, 2018 at 5:48 pm

      Celeste, I’m confused here. Exactly how is this man your “husband”? It does not sound like he should receive that title at all as he is doing absolutely nothing to contribute. And appears to only have himself at best at heart. It’s unbelievable that you are doing all of this, and paying for a nanny too on top of this all when he is home. As I have said before, happy mom=happy kids. So if you are not happy and hubby is not contributing, find a way to change this. This sounds exactly like my ex except, he did not have hobbies to spend his check on like a summer house and hunting and football!!? It’s unbelievable. I’m interested to know what will end up happening here. If things will change.

  24. Sarah on April 11, 2015 at 2:11 am

    You know it’s bad when you are jealous of your partial custody single friends. At least they get a break sometimes…

  25. Shannon on August 30, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Thank you for writing this! After reading this blog and about half the responses, i don’t feel so damn crazy and definitely know im not alone.

    • Emma on August 31, 2015 at 11:33 am

      yay! Not feeling crazy is good!

  26. Katrina on March 2, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    I agree with the comment that this is a pity party of comments. I refuse to attend it. While I can relate to feeling like a married single mother I can also admit it’s mostly my fault. Now I understand all situations are different, but once I learned how to actually approach my husband without taking it personal things changed. Much of the time the reason the load is so unbalanced is because you’ve taught your husband and children you will do it all. You have standards and feel that if you delegate the work it won’t be done correctly.

    Becoming a consistent mother helped tremendously because once my children knew they were loved, but I meant what I said that changed the dynamics of the household. It’s easy to whine and complain about feeling this way and that’s precisely what is being done in the comments. It’s much harder to face conflict and listen to the criticism in reverse.

    If you aren’t consistent. If you are full of resentment, ask yourself who’s fault that really is. I mean we teach people how to treat us, so if we shut up to avoid conflict and just go with it we’ve taught them we will do it all. This leads us to feel resentful and sporadically burst into rages they don’t understand or see coming.

    We are often only stuck because we refuse to move. If you don’t like the way things are change them. If you truly get your kids under control and have a pretty smooth operation running and your husband still refuses to share in the load maybe it’s time to lighten yours by letting him go.

    • chelsea on April 2, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      I don’t think it’s just the one individual woman who has set the pace for how they are treated. I do agree that we all have to establish boundaries and ask for what we need. Many times though, the way a man views a woman has been largely affected by his mother, as well as cultural views and his peers. I’m a woman who has been fighting the stigma of what responsibilities always fall on a woman for a long time now and understand that it’s not just as simple as saying,” hey babe do you think you could fold this laundry?”. If it was always just that easy , don’t ya think divorce would be nonexistent??? You do have some valid points I see some perspective, but I can also see that you haven’t had the experience and genuine obstacles to say it soooo condescendingly.

  27. Sheridan on March 18, 2016 at 8:20 am

    I have a fisherman hubby who works away for weeks at a time. I work 10 hour days in a well paid job and raise our two kids 10 and 12 in a small coastal village. I, too, am jealous of single mum friends who actually get every 2nd weekend and half of the school hols to themselves. I constantly reflect and ask if I have enabled the situation by being the trash fairy, shopping fairy, pet fairy and every other bloody fairy in the house. When I speak up, he becomes defensive and tells me I am selfish and he is doing his best. Money isn’t an issue for us but he still manages to complain monthly if I ask him to help pay the household bills as he is paying off the fishing boat. After years of this hostility and neglect and second guessing myself, I have had enough and am making plans for my own happiness and moving back to town where the kids and I can get involved in life again and open up our options. I believe we are responsible for our own happiness and need to find our own ways to enjoy our lives without unnecessary turmoil, I just need to grow a set of kahunas to go find it and stop feeling guilty about wanting more. Neglect kills love. Ignorance kills friendship. Lack of understanding kills sex lives. We don’t need a partner to complete us. We need good friends, some fun and a packet of AAA’s. Cher got it right when she said that man are a luxury item, not a necessity. Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed!! I have learnt from two marriages to always keep something of yourself for yourself. Invest in the relationship but stay strong on the inside. Never give them everything. Odds on, the day will come when you need a set – and your own income.

    • Cheryl on September 19, 2016 at 5:23 pm

      I love your post! It’s exactly how I feel

    • John G on February 21, 2017 at 3:30 am

      “Men are a luxury item, not a necessity”

      Hmm. What a strange and sad viewpoint you have. Akin to the equally strange and sad viewpoint that some men have of women – that they are merely an expensive luxury entertainment commodity perhaps. Not a view that I share, despite provocation.

      Before you jump yet again, given that you have two failed marriages behind you, you might question the part that you, and your expectations have played, in those failures. It seems to me that smoke shows which way the wind blows.

      I recall reading an article concerning the ‘worlds most married woman’ who had 23 failed marriages. The main thing that struck me was how optimistic would husbands number 21,22 and 23 have to be to even consider this woman?!

      “I am jealous of single mom friends who get every 2nd weekend and school hols to themselves”

      Of course – you’re assuming your ex-husband will play ball and will allow you to use him as an unpaid babysitter so that you can have ‘time off’ from childcare. If you intend to do that, then I advise you’re as nice as possible and don’t play emotional games with him or try and use the kids as a weapon, otherwise, he may decide to just cut off all contact and leave you without the ‘free time’ that you so crave. Getting a divorce to have ‘free time’ is misguided and akin to roasting pig by burning the house down.

      Frankly I would reassess your priorities. I think you need help, not a divorce.

      • Nina on November 15, 2017 at 3:02 pm

        “Of course – you’re assuming your ex-husband will play ball and will allow you to use him as an unpaid babysitter so that you can have ‘time off’ from childcare. If you intend to do that, then I advise you’re as nice as possible and don’t play emotional games with him or try and use the kids as a weapon, otherwise, he may decide to just cut off all contact and leave you without the ‘free time’ that you so crave. ”

        John G, it is telling that you think that a man spending time with his own children is “playing ball” and “allowing himself to be used as an unpaid babysitter so that his ex-wife can have time off from child care”. So you seem to believe that children are entirely a woman’s responsibility and a man is doing her a favour when he takes care of them. Strange point of view, but one that many men seem to share. Right now her husband always has time off from childcare. Where are your harsh words for him?

  28. Mike on August 7, 2016 at 11:26 am

    What percentage of sole-breadwinner men resent their partner for never having earned a dime? Let’s be real … if the laundry doesn’t get done or you don’t make it to the grocery store, you don’t lose the house and all starve. This is why men should NEVER get married. Ever. There is nothing in it for you. If you want her to work, then you don’t love your children and want theme raised by a day care. If she stays home, then she’s “sacrificed ” her career (whether in realty she would have had one or not) for you, and you will pay her forever if you divorce. It’s a no-win situation for men … especially ones with higher incomes. Some eomen stay home because they don’t WANT to eork. Or, they cannot get a job they enjoy, so they sray home and use the kids as an excuse. Stay single, boys!

    • Lulu on January 22, 2017 at 10:16 am

      Pure Bs misogyny

  29. Tired Mama on August 23, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    This was a good blog to read. Glad to know I’m not alone feeling like a married single mom. The resentment towards my husband is constantly building. I recently just went back to work after having my 2nd baby. We have a 2 year old and my husband has a 6 year old who is with us full time all summer and every other weekend during the school year. I am expected to work full time, cook, clean, do laundry and take care of ALL 3 children by myself. My husband works hard but is off by 3 most days. I’m getting bitter watching him sit and watch TV or play on his phone while there are 2 (sometimes 3) kids fussing, need bathed and put to bed- he apparently doesn’t notice screaming children. My step-child’s mother stopped calling/texting him in regards to their child this last year and contacts me instead because he’s such a “checked out” father. Ugh! And I’m the bad guy when I force him to go to events for the kids!

    • Lulu on January 22, 2017 at 10:15 am

      Leave him, then see how good you actually had it! You are not a single mom. You are in an unsatisfying relationship maybe, but daddy comes home and helps pay the mortgage and bills. You have another adult to talk to, you won’t miss half your child’s birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, or life in general. Leave him and taste reality or stop complaining.

  30. Liz on September 9, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    I am not married but have been with my man now for 7 years. I have a daughter and he has a daughter that started living with us 4 years ago. The bio mom took of and has not been seen since. I can relate to this woman fully. I have never had the luxury of being a state at home mom and I have always had to work. I’m not complaining about that, however have the full responsibility of kids, home ,work and sometimes overtime can be overwhelming. I have spoken to him about helping me numerous times yet it never sinks in. We are engaged and to be married in about 6 months. I am seriously thinking that it maybe time to move on. The only thing that holds me back is the responsibility I feel for my step daughter. I am irritated that he is not more involved with her and he leaves that all to me. Which backfires on me most if the time and she is angry and has behavioral problems. I definitely feel a sense of fault for letting this relationship get this far.

  31. Betty Magel on September 21, 2016 at 6:19 am

    Hello Every One, I am Mrs Betty Magel From USA, I quickly want to use this medium to shear a testimony on how God directed me to a Legit and real loan lender who have transformed my life from grass to grace, from being poor to a rich and successful man who can now boast of a healthy and wealthy life without stress or financial difficulties. After so many months of trying to get a loan on the internet and was scammed the sum of $8,200 i became so desperate in getting a loan from a legit loan lender online who will not add to my pains, then i decided to contact a friend of mine who recently got a loan online, we discussed about the issue and to our conclusion she told me about a man called Thiago Bruno who is the C.E.O of Thiago Bruno Credit Firm So i applied for a loan sum of (143,000.00USD) with low interest rate of 3%, so the loan was approved easily without stress and all the preparations where made concerning the loan transfer and in less than two(2) days the loan was deposited into my bank so i want to advice any one in need of a loan to quickly contact him via (, he does not know am doing this i pray that God will bless him for the good thing he has done in my life.

  32. Renee on January 22, 2017 at 4:53 am

    WOW! What a sad little pity party! I honestly just read every single comment on this post and while some were funny, honest, and even entertaining, the majority were just sad and depressing. I’ve been with my partner for almost 17 days, have for beautiful children together, work fulltime and attend graduate school fulltime. Our house is clean, our kids are feed. Not once have I ever felt like a “single married mother”. I recognize that while my husband does completely different things from me each of our roles within our marriage and family are important. It saddens me to think that so many women feel so alone despite having a partner. I can’t imagine what that’s like for these OR their, I imagine, equally dissatisfied husbands. If so many ladies are feeling alone then there’s adv equal amount of men feeling exactly the same way. To imagine all of these disconnected partnerships creating dysfunctional children sure to the lack of example they set via their unhappiness and lack of appreciation for their partner. Such a sad thing. Nonetheless, get over it! You’re not happy: leave. You feel unappreciated: leave. You’re willingly tolerating that type of relationship: leave! No one is forcing you to stay where you’re unhappy and resentful so just cut the strings and go. That way at least you’ll have some chance of one day being satisfied with your life. Sorry to be harsh but people always start in aspirations where they feel sorry for themselves and it’s ridiculous.

  33. Lulu on January 22, 2017 at 10:10 am

    I was with the father of my child. He worked, I stayed home. I always said “I feel like I’m a single mom!” Now that I am a single mom let me tell you, if your husband is in the picture, even if he doesn’t help much, it is NOTHING like being a single mom. Just having someone to share the evening with after the kids are asleep, or knowing daddy will be coming home from deployment soon…. These are the things us single mothers dont get. If you are with the father of your children you are not a single mom, and until you REALLY know what it is to be a single mom, stop saying that’s how you feel. You have NO IDEA!!!!!

  34. Beck on February 17, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    This is really helpful perspective for both sides – both single parents and partnered parents who feel single. It is hard to explain to friends whose partner lives in the house what it means to have someone…living in the house. I think it’s called “silent privilege” when you can’t see how things like this are advantageous. It’s hard to understand what those middle of the night ER trips are like alone if you have not had to do it yourself.

    At times I’ve been frustrated but partnered mom friends who are beside themselves with terror and bitterness when their partners go out of town for two or three days. I’ve been asked can I please watch their kid for a bit because they just can’t get through it alone. It’s pretty hilarious. And of course, because I want to be a part of their village as much as they say they want to be a part of mine – I’m always happy to have their kid(s) over. But I no one is running to help me out during three day stretches alone. And it’s been four years. Just different perspectives. I get that it must be hard to be used to having that partner around – who may bring relief at the end of the day (and often a paycheck) – and then not have them there. I wish partnered parents could understand that their few days alone don’t come attached to the stigma that single moms get. That is the one of the really salty parts.

    I have a lot more to say and sorry if that’s a jumble but am currently dealing with another one of those big heavy lift life moments that single parents shoulder alone. Got to get back to it. Thanks for posting this.

  35. Patricia on February 19, 2017 at 3:04 am

    What if your husband refuses to pay for anything you or your child needs like mine does. Are you a married single mom then?

    • Emma on February 22, 2017 at 9:59 am

      You are in an abusive marriage.

  36. John G on February 21, 2017 at 2:45 am

    I realize that many women who commented on this will feel that, as a man, I am unqualified to comment on it. I fully expect plenty of shrill objection to this post. However, that aside, I would like to mention something that deeply concerns me.

    I receive a distinct whiff of entitlement mentality from some of the above comments. I would like to simply ask – in a marriage where both people have agreed that one person will work, in order to provide food & shelter, and the other has agreed that they will contribute in another fashion, by running the household, why is that widely seen as an ‘unfair’ split in labor?

    It is hard to work and successfully look after children. Marriage has evolved as an efficient system to allow one party to work and provide food and shelter, whilst the other works in the home to raise the children. It’s an efficient use of resources. Can a single mother do a better job alone than a successful marriage can? No. it’s frankly nonsense to suggest it. I certainly wouldn’t care to try and hold down my job and juggle the demands of child raising alone. It would be hard work and I would do a worse job at both than if I had someone else around to share the burden. Pretending that a single parent can do an excellent job at parenting and an excellent job in their career, have enough sleep, and remain in perfect mental and physical health – in essence to ‘have it all’ in fact, is a deeply unrealistic notion.

    For those women who complain about never getting ‘time off’ parenting, perhaps you should consider that your husband does not get ‘time off’ his job either. Granted, during the weekend, both parents should be (and often are) involved in parenting duties, but, unless you are prepared to go to work on a rainy Monday morning in stead of your husband, I have little sympathy for the stay at home wife that complains that she doesn’t get ‘time off’ from doing the laundry. I suggest that you write down your respective contributions to the marriage and their dollar value, and see whether things are really as one-sided as you believe they are.

    Lets give a concrete example. Let us assume that both the husband and the wife were employed when they met. The husband brings home $10,000 a month. In her last job, the wife earned $2500 a month before she gave it up. Let’s say that they could employ an au-pair to run the house at a cost of $2500 a month. This means that the wife is receiving the benefit of half the husband’s salary in terms of lifestyle and material things and asset accumulation. She is therefore effectively being paid $5000 a month – more than her worth – for her contribution running the home. So why would she complain that she does not have ‘time off’ from her duties?

    If the man were to run the marriage in a hard-nosed enough fashion, he would keep all his income for himself, pay 50% of the bill and insist his wife works and pays her 50% of the bills. Then, and only then, would the woman be justified in complaining that chores were not split 50-50 because then, clearly they should be.

    Frankly, it is to the credit of many men that they often share the benefits of their employment with their families in a completely unselfish fashion.

    I also find it sad and strange that so many married women complain about their relationships. My first marriage lasted twelve years, my wife stopped working (at her request) and had a very very nice eight years or so, going to yoga, going to the gym, going to lunch with girl friends, and for some of it, spending time with my young child that I would dearly have loved to have done, but couldn’t, because I was at work for 12 hours a day. I would challenge anyone that really believes that men love to work to think again. We don’t. Personally I would rather be at home. But someone has to. Otherwise everyone will starve.

    I found out that my marriage was about to end when I discovered my ex-wife googling ‘divorce attorneys’ on the web one day. She is now a single mother, and last I heard, she was complaining about that. Now she’s more tired, older and poorer. I just hope that she discovers that her new empowered freedom lives up to the unrealistic dreams that I see being peddled here.

    No-one is forcing women to be married. If you feel that it’s so bad then just don’t be. Just please show some self-respect and be independent. Don’t have the audacity to marry some poor guy and then divorce him a few years later and expect alimony and a meal ticket for the rest of your pampered, entitled life. If you want to eat and a roof over your head, then get a job, like generations of men have had to do, whether they liked it or not. My grandfather worked 7 day weeks. He died 20 years before his wife. I’m not aware that either of them bemoaned their situation. Why do so many women nowadays seem narcissistic?

    I suggest that women contemplating the unfairness of it all, take a long look at their resume and realistically assess what they are financially worth when they work for a living as opposed to often taking a free ride from their husband. The world does not owe you a living and as a man, I’m tired of hearing it from entitled, narcissistic, spoiled women who act like overgrown children and who have adopted the phrase ‘because I’m worth it’ as a life motto.

    • Nina on November 15, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      John G, you don’t seem to have read the posts at all. Most of the ladies are not complaining about a “traditional” division of labor in marriage, whereby the man works outside of the home and the woman works inside the home. Instead most are complaining because they too work outside of the home, but are also expected to look after the children, home and man. Alternatively, a few are complaining because, the man works during the day at the office/ work site, while they (women) work during the day at home with the kids, then the man comes home and expects to relax for the evening, while the woman is expected to continue working 24/7 taking care of the home, kids and man. Everybody needs a break some time. Taking care of children can be extremely draining – if a woman has done it for 10 hours a day, the man can chip in a bit in the evening. That is, both men and women need some time off from their “jobs” in the evening, even if the woman is a SAHM.
      Finally your example seems to come from a world where a woman is earning MUCH less than a man. In my world, many women earn as much as, or more than, their husbands.

  37. Lh on February 22, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    I am a working mom of two a 6 year old only and two year old girl I work full time and I do everything around the house as well as take my kids to all their events. I am in a strange situation where I got divorced and we ended up reconciling the relationship and we are together but not married. All of our finances are seperate and we split bills. We do not get to see each other often because he’s home in the morning and we have sitter come and I take care of kids at night. What I have found that I can share through everything we have been through is that life and relationships are about balance and communication. We realized that we don’t see each other much so we make a date night once a week to get sitter and grab dinner after kids are in bed. Also since he is not home much he said he will pay for sitter so I can have some alone time. I feel the resentment builds when you don’t have balance. We have been together total of 10 years and are not perfect but we are figuring it out and communicating along the way. I many of times do feel like I am alone in taking care of and raising my kids and I do worry and stress whether or not I am doing a good job. I think all you can do is think positive and find a balance and most importantly is communication.

  38. Staying home on March 5, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    OK. I am a stay at home mom for the last 4 years. I gave up a lot to be here. (My car and shopping . snowboarding and vactions. I miss my vacations the most). I also miss having a life. A paycheck would also be nice. I resent my hubby, and he knows it. He gets to leave the house, he gets a pay check, he gets to drive the car, but most importantly he gets noticed when he leaves and even more so when he gets home! Where he leaves his socks anywhere, pants somewhere else, guitars and equipment where ever.

    My day never ends. I stay with him because he does not beat me, and is not verbally abusive.

    And because he makes decent money, I only make a buck a day with my baby bonus.

    He resents me too! I get to stay home and play with our daughter, swim, nap. I get hugs on demand and kissez too! I get to be here for both of them.

    For the record, nobody but you can maoe yourself happy. Happiness is a state of mind. Keep telling yourself enough times that you are unhappy and you will believe it.

    • Emma on March 6, 2017 at 7:28 am

      So … why don’t you get a job?

  39. V on March 5, 2017 at 6:43 pm

    This whole issue even came up at my church. We had a great thing going with a supportive bible study group for single moms which was led by some married women who just wanted to be supportive. But then a few moms who were married but “felt like a single mom” joined and it honestly made it an irrelevant group. If your husband had to move out of state for employment, that’s a temporarily difficult situation, but it’s still a two parent home. Go start your own supportive group, we like having one just for us!

    • Emma on March 6, 2017 at 7:27 am

      That is really interesting! What ended up happening?

  40. becky on March 6, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    Hello everybody, I am Mrs Becky,currently living in Taxes,USA.I am a widow at the moment with three kids and i was stuck in a financial situation and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success,and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it,i was introduced to a woman of God a private loan lender by a friend named Mrs Marry and i got a loan sum of $90,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment. So dear,if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan with low interest rate of 3% and better repayment plans and schedule,please contact Mrs marry she doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about her,she offers all kinds of loans to both individuals and company and also i want God to bless her more. You can contact her through this email via: financialhome34 outlook com

  41. Mac on March 26, 2017 at 10:58 am

    I divorced the father of my first two children and was in a much better position when I became a single parent. I have worked full time since before I had kids and still do (not a high paying job) and never had financial contributions from my ex. Ever. Still don’t. You can’t get child support from someone unemployed. I took the opportunity to finish my college degree after separating. I had every other weekend to myself as the kids stayed with their dad which was the first alone time I had experienced in 7 years. For the three years I was single I was able to discover more about myself and even have alone time twice a month. I have since remarried and have a third child. I have proven that I am capable on my own and don’t need a partner to make things work. I love him so much but don’t need anything from him. I get the kids ready in the mornings, take them to school, work, pick them
    up, make dinner, and put them to bed. Venture on weekend outings with the kids on my own. My husband works odd hours and has different days off and doesn’t wake up when the toddler gets out of bed. Child rearing is nearly 100% on my shoulders. Having been a single mom, there isn’t much different, aside from added resentment towards my partner. I love him very much, but sometimes miss my days being a single parent. I only had myself to rely on then, and now is the same but with disappointment about not having a shared workload with my partner and his lack of time to build a relationship with my older two. His work schedule makes it difficult to rely on him. You can say it isn’t the same, but personally it feels pretty dang similar.
    ** Note – I’m exhausted and my husband is asleep. Being tired makes me grouchy as can been seen in this post.

  42. Tonia on May 22, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    I had a problem with my Husband 3 months ago he was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend, i was so sad that i never knew what to do next, during my search for a way out, i came across this Email Dr.mac@yahoo. com, i never believed in spiritual stuff, i thought it will not work for me but to my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my Husband back from my so called friend, if you are having a similar problem contact DR.MACK and your problems shall be solved,

  43. AJ on July 15, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    I would challenge your assessment of “you can’t be a married, single mom”. You cannot take on my perspective or the perspective of women who live like me. You can have you’re opinion, but you are not in a place where you can make a judgement based on knowledge. I would never say anything to discredit a single mother. I will know only too soon what that is like. But your examples of why you can’t be a “married, single mom”, not a single one applied to me. I’m not a whiny married chick who feels sorry for herself. Instead of tearing women down, try building them up. Don’t force them to compete against each other, and then profit from it.

  44. rens on July 26, 2017 at 10:02 am

    They’re not single moms, but I understand why they’d want to join. As a single mom it’s easier than w a partner who doesn’t do anything, cause at least you don’t have to get irritated about that and it’s far less lonely.

  45. Christine on August 5, 2017 at 6:35 am

    Not true! I was a single mother before I got married and I can say that I was better off single! I thought I married a good man. Sadly, that did not turn out to be the case. There are many traumatizing details to my nightmare of a marriage, but those who read this will just have to trust that it was bad. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your husband is your partner in the above mentioned points. If he not, then married life with children is even more lonely. Now that I’m finally headed to divorce, I realized that I’ve always been a single mother. A single mother who still struggled to provide a life and a future. My marriage magnified this fact even more than when I was legally single. Yes, you can be a married single mother. Just because you have a husband doesn’t mean you have a partner. It may mean you have another child to care for and in many ways it hurts worse. It worse because you’re not supposed to be going it alone. You’re not supposed to be the only one responsible for the children, finances, etc. You’re not supposed to be, but you are. You’ve been abandoned in your own marriage, lonely, overwhelmed, and unloved, yet you have to see the one who abandons you day in and day out. It’s torture to have to watch yourself, your children, and your marriage vows being abandoned and rejected. I hate that I’ve only ever known loneliness when it comes to relationships and being a parent, but having been on both sides and going through my own experiences, I prefer actual single mom life with all its hardships than still living as a single parent and married.

  46. Jessica Hill on August 9, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    I unfortunately have to disagree with you. I’m married. My husband is an addict and doesn’t live with me. I do everything on my own and have the same worries a single mom has. I would love to have the man I married with me but his choices make that impossible for myself and our son. I didn’t sign up for a married single parent but that’s exactly what I am.

  47. Mackenzie Davis on August 12, 2017 at 2:37 am

    My relationship was saved by Dr.Mack, “how to make my Ex come back me? You have just got news about the break up or have been broken up for a while and your broken heart wont’ mend. You have to do something because you can’t live like this any longer and you ask yourself over and over again can I get my ex back? The good new is Yes you can get you EX back with the help of DR.MACK your Ex is just one step closer to you.So do the right thing dr.mack via Email:dr_mack@yahoo. com

  48. Pearl on October 13, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    This is the most poorly written, grammatically riddled with errors piece of shit article I have ever read.

  49. Shalini bajpai on November 2, 2018 at 1:14 pm

    Having both father and mother is the ideal case…but if the father is not supportive and cause of stress for mother , there is nothing wrong if then the woman decides to happy mom means happy child…
    Can anyone honestly tell that after the separation their lives improved or it remained same or even worse….
    Coz if life doesnt improve after separation then its better to stay in marriage as atleast kids are getting father. .
    People who have separated pl honestl inform did your lives improve

  50. […] This is a good read for those who have husbands who work long hours, which is seriously becoming more and more the trend these days due to technology. […]

Leave a Comment