Back by popular demand, I’m continuing my list of items I no longer give a shit about since becoming a single mom. Check out items 1 through 7 here.
8. Feeding my kids perfect food. When Helena was a baby, I nursed her until she was 16 months and made all her baby food from scratch in a little food processor — including an assortment of millet, and barley and other grains I don’t normally eat. Everything was organic (duh), and there was hardly any sugar. Now? Not a day goes by that my kids don’t wolf down some syrupy, chocolatey item, and you will occasionally find a pizza and store-brand fish sticks in my freezer.
9. Squeezing my ass into a size 4. Now I’m totally content being a size 6. OK, OK. For a while there I was rocking an occasional 8. But I’m back down to a 6. And sometimes a 4. That dress I bought a couple of weeks ago was an XS, though. Really – do you want me to send pictures? I’m a freaking 6, OK? (But sometimes a 4.)
10. When people are snippy and bitchy and say things that hurt my feelings. I used to think you needed to talk about stuff. You don’t. Unless a relationship is in peril, give people the benefit of the doubt. Just let it go.
11. That your husband irritates you. Now, everyone has their challenges. My marital status doesn’t make mine worse than anyone else’s. In fact, lending an ear to my friends struggling with difficult marriages is just part of being a good friend, and I’m happy to oblige. When married, I used to gripe about my husband’s many annoying habits. But being on the other side of divorce, you learn that petty irritations must be let go (see #10). And if that is all you have to contribute to our conversation, you are boring and small and a crappy wife and I don’t give a shit about you.
12. The details of my body. Like most women, I used to have little hang-ups about what went where. My boobs were kinda small, my nipples a weird shape. Boo hoo. Then I nursed two babies who would become the fleshiest, healthiest pumpkins you ever saw. Helena’s bulbous cheeks looked like they could have launched off her face, and for a while were so big they crippled her tiny smile. Have you ever seen a baby walrus? With all its folds? That was Lucas. And suddenly my little breasts became the most amazing organs I’d ever met.