Woman: “Sorry, I can’t date you, you’re not an equal dad”

dont date dad equal parent

 

Bittersweet success on the good-dads, equal-parenting and dating front: a new-ish friend came to dinner the other night. While this sexy, successful, late-30s, never-married, no kids, NYC woman brought and I drank rose’ and my kids inhaled the Magnolia cupcakes she brought, we chatted, of course, about dating.

My friend recounted a recent horror story …. after a fantastic first date and fantastic follow-up texting, a potential romance went down in flames. Not only did he fail to mention until date No. 2 that he was a father, he bragged about his every-other-weekend, Wednesday dinner schedule with his kids as being a really involved dad.
Background: this woman has never heard my platform about my call to expect men to be equal parents with 50-50 presumed custody (and no child support), why women must ban together and withhold pussy from men who abandon their children, or my attempt to understand why just 22 percent of dads who live separately from their kids see them once a week or more. From what I know, she doesn’t have any personal ax to grind re: divorce, single dads, or parenting.

Over their Mexican dinner she told him:

“First of all, you hid the fact that you are a dad. I don’t care that you have kids, I care that you lied. Second, every other weekend is not an involved dad. That is a part-time dad.”

This as a huge win.  Without any baggage on the subject, she just got it, and she called him out on it, and women, moms, kids and fathers are all better for these sorts of stances.

To this, I will hold myself to a higher standard in what I will tolerate in dating, and actively tell men who fail their children that I will not date them. I recently saw for a few months a man who actively bragged about his professional success, filled his Instagram feed with pics of his shopping sprees, luxury travel, videos of him training at a high-end gym with a sexy personal trainer, and pricey downtown dinners. He also spoke lovingly about his teenage daughter, an affection that resonated with me as very authentic.

However, this man’s very expensive apartment (waterfall wall in the lobby, all white walls, natch, and the requisite bachelor’s modern, black leather couch), had just one bedroom — a room he would lend to his daughter when she visited every second weekend. Not only could he not be bothered to take time from his fabulous life to actively co-parent his kid, he chose many material indulgences over making room in his home and life for his child. What did this tell the girl about her father’s devotion to her? What did this say about him as a man?

This one was not a long or serious affair, and I called it off with: “We’re not a romantic match” then unfollowed the buffoonery that is his social media.

Next time I will follow my friend’s lead, and I suggest you, do, too. Say: “I can’t be involved with a man who is not an equal parent to his kids.” You will hear him out when he tells you about unfair family courts, and malicious exes, because those are real and powerful things. But if he has not or does not actively fight to be an equal parent, you’re done. And you tell him.

And I, his kids, your kids, all kids, women, men, fathers and mothers and society, we all thank you.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Woman: “Sorry, I can’t date you, you’re not an equal dad”

  1. So quick to judge… your attitude is ridiculous. There are two sides, maybe three to every divorce and not every man wants nor can get nor can handle a 50/50 parenting schedule. Many women, myself included, fought for to have dad on an an every other weekend schedule. Kids do best with both parents in their lives, regardless of which home is primary.

    1. Men ‘can’t handle’ 50% parenting because mothers like you with golden uterus complexes say they can’t. Child rearing isn’t rocket science. If a man can handle kids every-other weekend, he can handle them half the time, as he should.

  2. Emma,

    You truly are an idiot. Do you know that many men naturally believe that children are more stable in one home primarily. For their own good, men would rather sacrifice a novel idea of their importance being equal as a mothers, and PROVIDE. This means working. Working long hours, and ships, in field based jobs, or just maybe two jobs in the same town just so their kids have a better life. Not everyone thinks like you, thankfully. In fact man MEN and WOMEN believe men who fight for 50 50 are in fact B $TC@S. Meaning emasculated crybabies trying to control a relationship and a woman who is not theirs any longer. Truly…reconsider the thought that these men are not loving of their children, and consider that you have DADDY ISSUES.

  3. I can see Emma you really have had a pretty cruisey experience of being a single mum . Lucky you . Life for a lot ,lot,lot of sinlge mums isnt as simple as you make out. I dont feel from your articles you really know what it can be like for real divorcee mum with not nice ex’s and Im being very polite.

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