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Why women feel sexier after divorce

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Couple Having Sex

couple having sex

There is something amazing and magical that happens when women divorce. They get beautiful. And they get horny.

It’s no coincidence these two things go hand-in-hand. Or that they follow divorce. No matter how contentious or acrimonious or downright explosively miserable the end of your marriage was, being divorced is better. It always is. It was sad. It sucked. Now it’s better.

And when that heavy, nasty weight of your ex leaves and you realize that you will survive and that life does go on, all of a sudden the sun starts to shine a little brighter. You start to notice the different shades of green of the leaves in that tree that has been outside your house for years and years. Your children seem unbelievably wonderful, and your own reflection in the mirror starts to not look so horrible. It is as if those cracks of light inside of you are now on the outside. And everything about you — on the inside and the outside — everything is better.

And the men. The men! All of a sudden, you start to notice that there are men in the world. Not just people with hair on their arms who smell different that we do. They are men who have bodies and hands and deep voices that offer compliments and eyes — eyes. Eyes that look at you and make you realize that those men are thinking things. Things about you. And that makes you think those things about yourself, too. And about those men. And those men? They’re everywhere.

And sooner or later you find ways to be with those men. On dates, and in bed. And you cannot believe how much better it was than the last time around. The last time you were in your 20s! You were silly and looking for a husband and had an agenda! This time? Who cares!? Well, you care — about everything. About all those feelings and the touching and the joy and the thrill and that passion and the love. Love wasn’t this great last time, was it? Could it have gotten better? And yet you care about nothing. None of those things that were on your list. You have those things yourself — the kids and the house and the career. You start to see the spots in yourself that a man can fill. And you start to see men in different ways. Because you are different.

And the men — they are better, too. There is no speculating this time, no guessing about what he might look like in middle age, or whether he will fulfill all those dazzling plans he lays out, or whether he has the capacity for love and friendship and joy. Because now they have track records and portfolios. Of life. And you shop for them, and try them on and enjoy them. That is the thing about being divorced and dating. You enjoy men. Because you enjoy yourself. And life is full and secure like it wasn’t before. And what is more beautiful than that?

This post originally appeared on TheSuccessfulSingleMom.com and Huffington Post Divorce.

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  1. Erica
    Erica03-07-2013

    Gotta say this article got me all turned on :) I’ve only had one little fling since my marriage ended and it reminded me how fun it was and that I need to get back out there. I even just joined OKCupid. Unfortunately, even though I know you think it’s BS there really don’t seem to be a lot of good guys looking for a single mom (I combined two of your excuses into one! :)). Don’t worry, I’m going to be be patient, trying to be relaxed about it. But I do live in a small town and there just aren’t a lot of fish the sea here.

    • Emma
      Emma03-14-2013

      Erica – I try not to take for granted that I have a nice dating pool in NYC. I have lived in so many small towns and smaller cities, and you are correct, it is much tougher in smaller places. But I do believe in the magic of things. So many great success stories – why shouldn’t you be one of them?

  2. finallyfree
    finallyfree12-03-2013

    After 10 years 2 kids and an affair, after spending nights alone crying, to finally leave and fight for what I was entitled to in divorce, I thought I was done. Life as I knew it was over. I was meant to wander through life with no purpose. Damaged. I started thinking I needed to race into another relationship so that people would see me as whole. Then I smartened up and made MYSELF whole. Made MYSELF happy. Everyone notices. I thought that 2 carat diamond made me important. I exchanged them for earrings. I don’t want a relationship. I like my freedom and making my own decisions. There are still men in my life, but on my terms. In what capacity I choose. I am mom still, ferocious amazing mom who bakes the cupcakes and signs the Christmas cards and attends the mom groups lol. In the beginning I wanted full custody. He didn’t deserve them. But I let go and learned that they still love him and see him as an amazing person. Kids need dad time too. 50% custody. I get to be supermom, and the other 50% is all about me. I get to be me completely. I don’t hide behind an apron or an ironing board. I have more love and happiness and fulfillment from the new people/friends/family in my life then I ever had as a married person. I still believe in happy marriages…this isn’t one of “those” comments. A happy marriage is a beautiful thing. But if its not happy, its not beautiful. Once you realise that your life isn’t over after the divorce pain, it does get better-I am having the time of my life-I have it all……and funny….It drives my ex nuts that he settled for a trashy waitress and he is miserable, while I am single, and so VERY, TRULY, happy. There needs to be more articles like this…..because this is what really happens after the darkness…It gets better, better than you could ever think possible :)

  3. Emma
    Emma12-03-2013

    Thank you for sharing this! What a great perspective – so many people cannot imagine life without a spouse, or a life after their marriage. Which is why so many jump into second marriages that aren’t right for them. But life is so full of surprises and joys if you just lean in and roll with it – and get over the idea that it single=shameful. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! And I totally agree – there are wonderful marriages out there, and I too believe in those. Just not the rest :)

    >>It drives my ex nuts that he settled for a trashy waitress and he is miserable, while I am single, and so VERY, TRULY, happy.

    ha!!!

  4. Emilia
    Emilia03-27-2014

    I have been in this ambivalence since I divorced. I am happy!!! I have never been happier in my life! Everything~ better mommy, smiling, free, look and feel beautiful, men galore, got a dog (a dream for me AND my girls)…but there is no such literature on women and children thriving after divorce!! Lead me to more of this type of reading!! I love!

    • Emma
      Emma03-27-2014

      Emilia! I love you!! I find so many women experience this …. it is more than the calm after the storm. More like MARDI GRAS after Hurricane Katrina! I agree, not much is written about it — so keep coming here for more :)

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