This is me having a fabulous time in Copenhagen while my kids were away with their dad. No guilt ensued.
I’ve been at this single mom business for a while, and have my weekend routines for when the kids are with their dad. Usually the 24 or so hours they are away, I conquer a mix of dates, hanging with friends, exercise, work and hanging out.
Lately I’ve been thinking I need a hobby — say, distance running or pottery or something I can accomplish in the physical world (digital media takes its toll, mentally, after a while). One mom posted here in the comments that thanks to her visitation schedule, she took up bicycling around Croatia. Yes, please!
Share in the comments: What do you do when your kids are with their dad?
One thing I hope you don’t do is follow this single mom’s lead. A woman I was friendly with in my neighborhood was sharing with me how, after her marriage during which she’d given up her career, she was struggling to rebuild her aesthetician business.
Me: “What about when your daughter is at preschool all day?”
Her: “I have to clean the house.”
Me: What about when she is with her dad?”
Her: “You have no idea. I have to clean the house!”
Me: “Can’t you hire someone to help?”
Her, proudly: “I have to do it. No one meets my expectations.”
Well, eff that. If you insist on cleaning your house (which you shouldn’t. Hire that out, or lower your standards), you can do that when your kid is home. Then, use that time. Build a business. Go back to school. Go out and get drunk with your girlfriends. Spend time with your boyfriend. Or date, have sex, or join a needlework club or volunteer at your church. Whatever it is, don’t feel guilty for enjoying it. Don’t punish yourself with household labor because you feel bad about the state of your family. Or worse, don’t sacrifice fun or pleasure because you don’t believe moms deserve that.
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