Part 3 – No excuse single mom dating series: “Dating is selfish and takes me away from my kids.”

 

In this five-part series, I listen patiently to the reasons you think that single motherhood keeps you back from dating. Then I tell you why they’re bullshit excuses.

More in this series:

Excuse 1: No man wants to have sex with my post-baby body.
Excuse 2: I haven’t dated in 15 years!
Excuse 4: No man wants to date a woman with kids.
Excuse 5: There are no good guys out there anymore.

Excuse 3: Between work and the kids and trying to exercise and see my friends once in a while, no one is getting enough of me — including me! Adding men to the mix is just selfishly sucking more time, money and emotional resources away from my kids — my kids who already get too little of their mom.

Why that’s bullshit: 

1. I was raised by a single mom, and I loved it when she went on dates. She would get all dressed up and giddy. The cool, fun teenage babysitter who let us get away with murder would come over. This was back in the 80s and the guys had been raised in the 50s and they would show up with flowers. For first dates. The whole thing was totally exciting and glamorous. My friend Betsy was also raised by a single mom, and she relates to my memories. She told me: “I would be rooting for the guy. It would be like: ‘Common! Make her like you! You can do it!’“

The takeaway: Your kids want you to be happy.

2. Romantic relations are central to human happiness. Them’s fighting words, I know. But it’s true. Tell yourself otherwise and you’re denying an enormous part of your humanity.

3. Happy women make happy moms. Everyone’s idea of a happy romance is different, and will likely change throughout your life as a single mom. Maybe you’re fulfilled by having cute guys flirt with you on casual dates. Maybe you’re looking for a serious boyfriend or a new husband. Maybe you just need to get laid in a serious way. When you get what you need, you feel happy and supported and joyful and the best version of yourself. You deserve to feel like that. Your kids deserve to have a mom like that.

4. How much time, energy and money does it really take to date?

Time  Can you get out once every two weeks for drinks? When are your kids with their dad? How about a lunch date every week? If your kids are little, can you sneak out for a late dinner or romp after they’re asleep?

Energy See above. Happy moms are energetic moms. If you’re doing the kind of dating you enjoy, it will energize you.

Money I’m planning a future post on why it is important for single moms to look good. You should be spending on your hair and skin and a gym membership anyway. Buy two date blouses, both flattering, a little bit sexy and that make you feel confident. One blouse for the first date, one for the second date. And for the third date: condoms.

 

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