In this five-part series, I listen patiently to the reasons single motherhood keeps you back from dating. Then I tell you why they’re bullshit excuses.
In this series:
Excuse 1: No man wants to have sex with my post-baby body.
Excuse 3: Dating is selfish and takes me away from my kids.
Excuse 4: No man wants to date a woman with kids.
Excuse 5: There are no good guys out there anymore.
Excuse 2 : I’ve been out of the dating scene for decades! I have no idea how to find a guy, flirt, act on a date or be a girlfriend. The world has changed so much since then. Online dating? Hooking up? Who pays on a date? I don’t even know what people use for birth control anymore! I’m a mess, so I’ll just stay home and watch Downtown Abbey and drink wine coolers.
Why that’s bullshit:
1. No one drinks wine coolers anymore.
2. Everyone’s nervous when they get out there again — including dudes! You’re human. The first time I went on a date after my divorce, I was so nervous and excited. I bought a pretty, frilly new blouse and stressed over whether my eyeliner was just right. The guy my friends set me up with was a perfectly nice, 40-something never-married man who had probably been on hundreds of first dates. He could give a shit about his own shirt – much less mine. But I’ll surmise he thought I was cute and funny and after a beer we were just two people hanging out and talking. Even you find yourself out with some silver fox who’s been prowling around since you were downing California Coolers in your parents’ basement after the homecoming dance, he might find it adorable that you’re all jittery and unsure of yourself. Give yourself a break.
3. The dating world has indeed changed in 15 years, but you’re a smart woman. You can learn! Collect the cell phone numbers of a few single friends – guys, girls, straights, gays – and plug them into your phone. Prepare them to be peppered with questions. Just ask. Ask what you should wear to a brunch date. Ask for help filling out your OKCupid profile. Ask how long you should wait before texting the guy. Ask them if you’re coming across as annoying or cold or whatever. Just ask and learn.
4. You might find these feelings are that of a a teenager. Which is a delightful surprise at this stage in life. One of the beautiful things about starting life anew is that you are now free to have all those wonderful feelings that come with dating and sex and falling in love with new people. This is some of the best stuff in life! And it comes with a little growing pains. Embrace it.
- Men and Their Money: The First Date (merlenesmemos.com)
- WTF Friday: Should her date subsidize her babysitter costs? (WealtySingleMommy.com)
- How to Host a Brunch & How to Throw a Brunch | Pottery Barn (potterybarn.com)
- Dates, Dates and More Dates (jerseygogirl.wordpress.com)
- How Digital Dating Is Like Digital Advertising (greatfinds.icrossing.com)
- Thought Nug: Giving versus Getting & Dating 101 (girlyandgourmet.wordpress.com)
- Online daters to win protection from cheats and frauds in crackdown (guardian.co.uk)
- Popular demons? On single motherhood (fcollective.wordpress.com)
- Motherlode Blog: What You Don’t Know About Episiotomies Can Hurt You (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)
- Running late? Not with the Excuse Clock app! (bestbuymobile.com)