“I hate to admit it, but motherhood has been very difficult for me. I love my daughter beyond all reason, but as a ‘thinking’ woman, it has taken away a part of my spirit ..I can’t help but feel a deep resentment that I gave up so much of my life and very identity. My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our 8-year-old and I’m starting to consider asking him to shoulder more of the parenting burden.”
That is what one mom wrote on one of the groups, recently. It took my breath away — not because of what she confessed, but because of the courage to be so very honest.
Immediately other moms chimed in, sharing their own feelings about depression, overwhelm and secret wishes they had more help — including from their kids’ dads. I shared how my own feelings have shifted over the years — from being devastated to be away from my babies for a moment, to encouraging my ex take them way more our custody agreement stipulated.
This kind of sharing is so cathartic — when you’re a single mom there are so many things that can contribute to feeling of shame — the end of a marriage, pregnancy outside of marriage, not enough money, feeling like you’re not doing enough for your kids, or that you’re totally alone in a world of married people. But one thing I’ve learned by sharing my own story on my blog is that if I experience it or feel it, other people do too. I’m not so special that my feelings are unique. And that gives me comfort.
What are you thinking and feeling? What are your feelings of shame as they relate to being a single mom? Share them on the forums, or share in the comments.
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