Part 1 – No excuse single mom dating series: “No man will want to have sex with my post-baby body”

In this five-part series, I listen patiently to the reasons you think that single motherhood keeps you back from dating. Then I tell you why they’re bullshit excuses.

Later this week:

Excuse 2: I haven’t dated in 15 years!
Excuse 3: Dating is selfish and takes me away from my kids.
Excuse 4: No man wants to date a woman with kids.
Excuse 5: There are no good guys out there anymore.

Excuse 1: After having babies, my episiotomy scar/stretch marks/extra weight/weird boobs will repel any many who glimpses at my birthday suit.

Why that’s bullshit:

1. OK, your body isn’t as hot as the last time you were on the market. But YOU are hotter than the last time around. You’re older, wiser, more loving, spiritually richer, more professionally successful and you’re a mom. If you’re like me, the fact that you’re no longer hunting for a pair of healthy testicles to sire children means that you’re now free to spend time with a man, without having an agenda. You’re in it for companionship or love or sex — or all of the above! When people connect in that very real way, it’s powerful. Sexual chemistry supersedes physical imperfections. The intellectual, emotional and personal chemistry is what drives physical sexual chemistry — not the other way around.
2. Hello? Men’s bodies don’t get better with age! Dudes are also worried about how they look in the sack. They’re also worried about how their aging bodies perform. They get it. You get it. My C-section scar and less-than-firm tummy were on my mind when, after a few weeks of dating and flirting and grinding, my first post-divorce lover ripped my clothes off. But you know what was on his mind? The fact that, owing to a bout of testicular cancer, he has one ball. Did either party get hung up on the other’s imperfections? What do you think?
3. When was the last time you loved your body? Were you feeling sexy and confident when you were 17? How about 27 or when you were married? Most women go through their early years with a sense of shame or at least squeamishness about their ladyparts and sexuality. Did you use your hangups to avoid dating last time around? Maybe. If so, get over it this time! Emerging from divorce and motherhood, you know how strong and powerful you are – and how amazing the female body is. You’ve likely developed a sense of empathy for yourself that transcends all of your flaws – physical and otherwise. You exude a deep confidence which makes you incredibly sexy to men. This confidence also makes you a fantastic lover.
4. Men love pussy! They just adore it. Men cannot get enough pussy! This fact has perpetuated the species. Men have been chasing pussy from moms for millennia — since before they learned they should ask first. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking that a few new dimples on your thighs will turn the tide of evolution.

Related articles

• Motherlode Blog: What You Don’t Know About Episiotomies Can Hurt You (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)
• Post-divorce rebound: A requisite heart pummeling (wealthysinglemommy.com)
• Dating as a single mom is the same as dating as a teenager (wealthysinglemommy.com)
• 5 more things I don’t give a $#!T about since becoming a single mom (wealthysinglemommy.com)
• Q&A: My husband found that episiotomies can cause sexual dysfunction, but we don’t know what kind. | BabyZone (babyzone.com)
• Protecting the Family Jewels – How my husband was spared a vasectomy (babble.com)
• Dates, Dates and More Dates (jerseygogirl.wordpress.com)
• Why Black Women are Reluctant to Date White Men (socyberty.com)
• How To Create Deep Intimacy In Imperfect Relationships (psychologytoday.com)
• 7 People You Should Absolutely Not Date In 2013 (thoughtcatalog.com)
• Love at first lifestyle – a new dating site survey reveals lifestyle is more important than chemistry. (prweb.com)
• Episiotomes: Procedure and Factors for an Informed Decision | BabyZone (babyzone.com)